nikuletx

[nikuletx]

Nov. 13 '21 1pm

Nagising ako from a dream. Galing dw akong moa pero iba itsura as usual. Basta malaking mall yun tapos may something na place akong pinuntahan. May tinatakasan ako at hinahanap ko ung paluwas kung saan ako galing pero wala nako sa moa. Di ko na maalala pano ako nakarating don. Tapos may nagabot skin ng papel, between 166 bus number to 169 ndi ko na naalala. Tapos sa bus na un, may mga naka uniform na lalake tatlo sila sabi nung isa tiga Saudi Arabia dw sya tapos biglang nagbago ung lugar. May nakilala akong 2 babae, malalaki joga magaganda. Tapos sbi nila galingan ko lng dw kumanta feeling ko end of journey na yung bus tpos sa dami ng dala ko, nakilagay pako sa bag nung isa tapos nun kumanta ko ng highway run sana kc nalss ako don kaso iba nakanta ko. Nakasampa ko sa parang stage nila, may naninilip sa palda ko tapos may nagabot ng mic bigla gang sa tinapos ko na ung song. Inabutan lng ako ng 3k tapos hinahabol nako san dw ako pupunta balak akong irape tapos sumakay nako ulit sa sasakyan na di malaman tapoa ayaw magstart. Nahabol tuloy kme tapos may lalakeng lumapit sken nakakadiri pero around 30's palang yun

Nagising ako nung may bumubulong sakin na ang ingay ndi ko na maalala tapos hinihingal nako paggising ko pawis na pawis ako. Ung laway na naramdaman ko sa panaginip pawis ko pala yun.

Nakakita ako ng bay, bus, mall na malaki tapos ndi ko na maalala baka naghahalo halo na sila sa isip ko

Ang ingay pala sa labas tapos kaya pala nakita ko si mama sa ending ng panaginip ko nanjan pala sya

Nakita ko sila doc tin, rex, marlon bago ung scene na un

[nikuletx]

July 29 21

Naisip ko lang naman habang nanunuod ako ng Legal wives sa GMA. Siguro kaya inasikaso ako ng mommy ni lem ng ganun ang daming food sa plate ko siguro eee.. Contradicting hahaha! Baka kako kc gusto nya lng ako tumaba ganun kc baka siguro ayaw nya na parang malnourished ung magiging gf nya. Sabi pa naman nya pag nag gf dw sya diba last na dw un.. Shutanes talaga. Pero alam naman ni tita na magkaibigan lng kmi pero ramdam naman nya na ndi kasi ganun ang nararamdaman ko para sa anak nya. Wala namang babaeng kaibigan ang bumibisita sa bahay ng lalake ng ganun. Real talk yun lalo na wala naman sya dun.

Haay, naisip ko lang naman.. Si Lord lng makakaalam ng mga bagay2. Kung papayagan nya o in his will, mangyayari pero kung hindi, dapat ndi ako umaasa. Huhuhu it hurts

[nikuletx]

July 18 Sunday

I dreamt of boom for like twice. The first one magkawork dw kami tapos sabay sana kmi ng uwi nun kc same naman daw kmi ng way. Tapos may kasama dw syang babae si karen daw ng optha hahahah bat ganoin.. Tpos may aatenan dw na kasal.. After nun nagising ako. Pagka putol nung zoom, napanaginipan ko nanaman sya. Magkasama dw kmi tapos may swimming pool na tatalon dw duon tpos change of location. Ang naalala ko nalang may zip line dw na kasama sa accommodation na pinuntahan namin. Nandun din si marlon. Tapos may kaagaw dw ako kay marlon sa pagsakay ng zipline anu ba yun. Ay isa sa naalala ko, nung naputol ung zoom nakausap ko dw si boom sa fone sabi ko paano ko sya nakausap at nailagay ung headset ko ganon. Tpos may kausap nanaman syang napakafamous talaga naman tpos may tinatawagan dw ako non tpos ndi naman dw yun ung parang customer support. Tpos ayun na..

Maalala ko na siguro yung panaginip na yan.. Tpos yun na..

[nikuletx]

July 14

As of today dated, I was started charging widholding tax and online transfer fees of metrobank. Also, I just had a dream that boom send me a teasing video with the same music he used to send me before. Ndi ko na masyado matandaan tapos nagising nalang ako then he was about to sleep thats quarter to 4am. Tpos may napanaginipan nanaman ako na may hinahabol ako na something about sa "toy?" ndi ko maexplain eh.. Basta yun na un. Then naalala ko may meeting akong inatenan about teleperformance talaga tapos andon si sean tpos ewan ko. Maya maya may nagpropose na bulag kuno dun sa babae tapos dun nako nagising.

I love the way he updated me at some point, nakakatakot sya pagka ganun.. He also tells me his dreams last night when I tell him to take a nap. Kinakausap nya nako ngaun. I even took a screenshot and screenrecord kc ayaw nya magising.. Hehe love you boomie! 😘😚💋💜💖 I really wanted to see you soon! You even watch my ig story for the first time ah, or napindot mo lang yon idk idc 😑

[nikuletx]

I want to go to oceanarium with Lemuel once he get back in here. I want to go on vacation with Lemuel,my boom once he come home. I want to have some quality time with him.. I was dreaming with him but I don't want to be hopeless and to be sad. So, I'm praying so hard that we meet us again and I want to be with him for life.. If not, I hope he found someone that will makes him happy 😥 And I hope I found one too if he's not the one. But I still love you boom! I want to hug and kiss you so bad 😭

[nikuletx]

6.20.21 Sunday

Parang ang powerful ng simbahan nila or ng faith nila compare sa Catholics bakit ganun but I still love my religions form. Kung at Pag mapunta ulit ako or dinala o sinamaa ako sa simbahan nila lemuel kasama sya the second time around, I will give it a sign. ✨

I want to thank the Lord for hearing my prayer that " I someone or somebody who will save my soul" is him. I want to take care of him for the rest of my life as he save mine.

He knows how to say sorry now.. Im so glad and Im not mad anymore but I still hate him for what he did but it's fine. Still, I want to thank lord for everything he do miracles in an unexpected ways..

And I'm still sad. Idk what happen after I posted the screenshot at my IG story. He send me a ss that doc zaids saw it tapos ndi na nya sinagot tanong ko hayynako.. Ndi nya ko pinapansin na ngaun :( He's done using me but I dont want to think about it.. Gusto ko na sya umuwi pero siguro kahit umuwi pa sya dito at ganyan din lang, maybe for good I shud accept it and prepared for it

[nikuletx]

Naisip ko lang, he's always being honest with me lately.. Parang gusto ko pagkatiwalaan si boom kasi sabi nya wag daw akong OA. Baka nga wala na talaga syang feelings kaso kasi wala akong tiwala sa mga tao sa paligid nya eh.. Nagseselos kasi ako.Thank you boom for being honest with me. I appreciate it 😊 Kahit na ndi mo ko love okay. lang :) Sana i-continue mo lang yan. Maybe I will try to trust you kaso I'm afraid baka masira yung tiwala ko sayo.. My trust is not unlimited ehh pero I will try to trust you as a friend muna kahit na ako lang nag-llove sayo. 😊✨

May 22'21

[nikuletx]

May 2 '21 quarter to 3am

I was done watching Love Alarm ep.6 then I suddenly felt sad. Kasi bigla kong naisip si Marlon ska si Lemuel. For some nalilito parin ako sa feelings ko sakanila. I just felt to marlon na ndi ako belong sa buhay nya kasi kung talagang welcome ako sana diba gumagawa sya ng way kaso ndi.. Kung ndi ko alam kc iba ang gusto nya iparating, he should have been say nalang instead of making gestures which leads to miscommunication or mix signals..

On the other hand, I've been trying to understand and accept my grounds of my relationship with Lemuel. I've been asking about his day, he really mirrored with what Im doing to him.. How I approach him.. Sometimes I feel like, what am I to him because he sometimes send signal just like what marlon is doing.. Kaya I just give it a thought, I will let them grow their manhood until they feel to love somebody even if its not me.. Recently, boom says para maampon daw ako ng parents nya is magpalit dw ako ng apelido. He is doing it again ung he's being honest, asking my opinion for him to decide for anything, but whats new today is he is asking me if I want to have a video call with him. We're constantly doing it today. We sleep together, we eat together and do nothing together. But at the end of the day, I still dont know what am i to him..

As of this moment, I'm planning to do something that will change everything.. In all God's will and blessing, I will visit his family and this will be my first Mother's day approach. Even though he dont love me with what I love him at the moment, I will try to make all my best to be that person in his life.. Kahit na hindi nya binibigay ung love na hinahanap ko sakanya.

Its almost half of the year and it took me to accept this kind of pain to the people whom I wanted to give my love but its not about their time yet.. I will continue to wait for the right time. But honestly right now what I love the most is Lemuel.. I have known him for quite sometime and I'm willing to know him better at the future..

If you really reach the point of reading this boom someday, I wanted you to know how much I am willing for everything just to have you.. I love you so much that I have so much to say with how fate bring us along.. You will know someday and I will if you and I were meant for each other 💜

[nikuletx]

April 24 '21

Lahat nalang ng bagay pinagtatalunan namin ni Lemuel. Nung isang araw ung aso tpos ngaun dahil sa schedule nagtatalo kmi. Kesyo, buti dw sana may jowa sa work para may gana pumasok araw2. Simpleng bagay lahat ng sabihin nya nagtatalo kmi kaya ndi na nya ko kinakausap dahil dun. Nacondolence tuloy ako sa mga failed relationships ko hayjusko.. Ikaw na pong bahala lord pagod na pagod nako. I can die now I want to rest in peace na.. Wala nakong dapat patunayan pa sa mundo. Hayynako kakalungkot. Nawalan tuloy ako ng gana kumain 😢😢 di naman sya marunong magsorry dhil wala naman sya dapat ikasorry..

I was happy the whole day kill joy talaga sya.. Haynako.. I know im mad at him kaya irritable ako sakanya. Im just saving our friendship 😟 i hope one day someday, I can live without thinking of him.. Bahala na si lord. If he will find a way for us edi wow. Kung wala, edi wala.. If he find me better person and have same attributes that we have and shared edi wow.. Im gonna pray for that. I will lift everything to him kasi pagod nako talaga. Im so torn

[nikuletx]

April 12,21

sabi ni doc lulu sa panaginip ko "brew/breu"? Ung name nung girl na malilink somewhere kay Marlon. Hawig dw ni barreto. Mag dodonate dw kme ng foods and stuff tpos ayun kc wala na dw sila makain. After I slept back, ndi nako nanaginip..

[nikuletx]

March 30 '21

Nagtatalo kami dahil sa lecheng gundam na yan. Ndi ako natutuwa. Bakit kasi sinasabi nya yun nainis ako 😒 Im trying to stay strong with my feelings haynako ndi talaga ko natutuwa..

[nikuletx]

March 29,2021

I had a videocall with boom during my entire shift until I got home.. I was so worried about him thats why I called him. Then, he seems pretty cool with it. He even introduced me to his roomates while they eating dinner.. My emotional stability is getting okay but still not ok bc he still not love me back but thats fine. Not all things needs to have something in return..

[nikuletx]

March 26,21

Yesterday, was an intense day of all.. I really bring down my pride and chat him like a loser since I didnt talk to him for a day but I noticed that he miss me I guess. I hear him start crying again when he woke up idk what happened maybe he pray? i really dont know.. We did videocall as we go to sleep. I was really worried also to doc marlon last night and to his colleagues.. 😔 Dami palang namatay kahapon yun lang. Maybe 25 isnt really a good number nowadays

[nikuletx]

March21 '21I talked to boom (lemuel) last night sa duty ko kasi hindi talaga ako mapakali im having unwanted thoughts and anxiety/praning moments kaya natanong ko sya bigla pero di ko parin sinabi bakit.. Gusto ko lang malaman nya na nandito lang ako para sakanya.. Kayalang parang wala lang sa kanya yun. nakakkaI talked to boom (lemuel) last night sa duty ko kasi hindi talaga ako mapakali im having unwanted thoughts and anxiety/praning moments kaya natanong ko sya bigla pero di ko parin sinabi bakit.. Gusto ko lang malaman nya na nandito lang ako para sakanya.. Kayalang parang wala lang sa kanya yun..Nakakalungkot. kelangan kong ipost to just because.. just because..I do hope na sana talaga all my worthless efforts made impact to him o kaya turn into worth it.. As the homily said in the gospel, lahat ng paghihirap at pinaghihirapan may katumbas na kapalit yun.. i think siguro what I need is to continue praying and praying malay natin makinig ang mga odds -- ang langit at mga dyos.Sa ngaun, Im so glad to hear.. masaya nakong marinig na bumabalik na ung dati nyang lakas "daw" sa dami ng what ifs nya in mind.. What if lang naman yun ehh ndi plans to make it happen.Kelangan at Nagpapasalamat parin ako kc kahit papaano nanjan parin sya ndi nya ko iniiwan kahit ganyan sya ngaun. I think I should respect that maybe thats the only way to understand him kahit na masakit.. martyr ako eh, sadista sya.. Ganun talaga pero pagka niloloko nya nako alam mo na kelangan nang magising dapat. hayyy

I talked to boom (lemuel) last night sa duty ko kasi hindi talaga ako mapakali im having unwanted thoughts and anxiety/praning moments kaya natanong ko sya bigla pero di ko parin sinabi bakit.. Gusto ko lang malaman nya na nandito lang ako para sakanya.. Kayalang parang wala lang sa kanya yun..

Nakakalungkot. kelangan kong ipost to just because.. just because..

I do hope na sana talaga all my worthless efforts made impact to him o kaya turn into worth it.. As the homily said in the gospel, lahat ng paghihirap at pinaghihirapan may katumbas na kapalit yun.. i think siguro what I need is to continue praying and praying malay natin makinig ang mga odds -- ang langit at mga dyos.

Sa ngaun, Im so glad to hear.. masaya nakong marinig na bumabalik na ung dati nyang lakas "daw" sa dami ng what ifs nya in mind.. What if lang naman yun ehh ndi plans to make it happen.

Kelangan at Nagpapasalamat parin ako kc kahit papaano nanjan parin sya ndi nya ko iniiwan kahit ganyan sya ngaun. I think I should respect that maybe thats the only way to understand him kahit na masakit.. martyr ako eh, sadista sya.. Ganun talaga pero pagka niloloko nya nako alam mo na kelangan nang magising dapat.

hayy.. Lord bakit kelangan mahirap at ganito 😥 I just woke up from sleep tapos ganito. So brutal ahh.. Anyway, ganun talaga buhay.. I need to fight alone. Sana lang talaga malayo sya sa tukso and umuwi sya ng matiwasay na walang ibang iniisip at inaalala.. Miss na miss na kita boom! leeem.. come home soon

[nikuletx]

[nikuletx]

March 20,2021 2:18pm

Lagi naman kmi nagtatalo ni lemuel. Ndi kami nagaaway pero pag naguusap kmi na galit ako, nagtatalo kmi. Pag di ko sya pinapansin he do the same pero constant ung update nya. Naniniwala akong love nya ko in other ways I guess pero ndi as somebody nya.

Gusto ko lang iupdate na ok naman kmi ngaun, ndi lang nga tulad noon na lagi kmi magkausap at natatakot pa sya noon na ndi kmi magusap pero kahit di kami nagvvideocall, constant parin talaga ung goodmornings, goodnight, papasok nako, pauwi nako messages ganun so ok nako don..

Sana, in the event na magustuhan nya ko talaga mahalin in case, kelangan kong itanong sakanya kung willing ba sya na protektahan ang relationship namin no matter what happens. Kasi, dun palang makikita mong seryoso ung tao sayo.

I always pray him to the lord. Lagi ko syang pinagdadasal, kasi ako nafeel ko bigay sya skin ni lord pero di ko alam. There's a part of me na puro sya playtime kaya nkakaturn off talaga sya..

Hinahayaan ko nalang si lord gumawa ng way pero ako kahit ano man mangyare tangap ko naman. Masakit kasi mahal ko talaga sya all this time. Tapos ngaun, part na sya ng everyday life ko ang hirap. Nahirapan ako magmove on noon tapos move on nanaman ulit skanya? Kakapagod ka sir hehehe..

If ever mabasa nya to in the future, ikaw lalake ka napakaharot harot mo at ang likot2 mo. Maraming bagay akong tiniis para sayo. Ndi ako nagrereklamo pero sana suklian mo ng kabutihan ung mga kalokohan mo. Alam ko mabait ka naman eh, kung ayaw mo sa isang tao sabihin mo wag mo nang ikeep not unless special ako sayo. Kung di mko kayang mahalin sabihin mo lumayo ako di ung sinasaktan mko. Pero siguro, ndi ko ipapakita sayo tong blog ko kung magiging tayo ng matagal..

Kung sakaling mangyari man un, pakiingatan naman ako please. Totoo ung sabi ko na mahal na mahal kita. Mas gusto kita kesa sa doctor tanga diba? Haha! Alam mo kung bakit? Kasi nagkakaintindihan tayo, naiintindihan mo ko. You never judge me too saka kahit minsan lang, iniisip at inaalala mo din ako naffeel ko un kaya kita mahal. Tigilan na sana ung panggogoodtimes sa iba at sana pala, mahalin nya ko tulad nung true love ng ilang lalake sa mga partner in crime nila..

Sana makauwi kna miss na miss na kita boom! 🐼😘😚💙💜💙

[nikuletx]

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