nillegible - Tumblr blog

[nillegible]

you know i have never heard a convincing arguement as to why AO3 should not moderate the content that is posted to their website and i think a lot of the arguement against moderation on AO3 boils down to, terminally online people thinks community moderation is the same as government censorship and personally sending the cops to someone’s house to arrest them irl/

[nillegible]

More favourite tropes:

“Unfortunately, [thing that would ordinarily be described in much stronger terms than ‘unfortunate’].”  

“Fortunately, [thing that is in no way fortunate].”  

“Unfortunately, [thing that would be fortunate in nearly any circumstance except the particular circumstance at hand].“  

“Fortunately, [very minor benefit that absolutely does not offset the considerable drawbacks of whatever just happened].“  

“Unfortunately, [the exact, word-for-word thing that somebody just expressed that they hope won’t happen].“  

“Fortunately, [complete non sequitur].”

[nillegible]

Tagged by @blondejaneblonde, thank you!

3 Ships You Like: Hmm, 3Zun, YQY/LQG/SQQ, and most recently Jiang Ying/Qi Zhu. (I actually really enjoy platonic ships as much/more than romantic ones, though! Yan Yujin and Xiao Jingrui, or whatever Lin Chen Mei Changsu and Xiao Jingyan have going on!!!)

First Ship Ever: Unlikely anyone else has heard of these, but... Gwendal von Voltaire/Gunter von Kleist from Kyo Kara Maoh, and Shi Ryuuki/Li Koyu/Ran Shuuei from Saiunkoku Monogatri.

Last Song You Heard: ...do podcasts count? Dear Hank and John.

Favourite Children's Book: Too many!!! But... The Westing Game?

Currently Reading: I don't come up for air between books, but just finished "Your Scandals are Way Cuter Than You."

Currently watching: Hyouka, for the third time.

Currently consuming: Just had dinner; dal and rice, boring!

Currently craving: A feel good story with a gently wrenching hurt comfort.

Tagging (Only if you'd like to! Sorry to bother you otherwise) @vandrell, @myakkoh, @marsdiogenes, @marbleglove, @ibijau, @ladyteldra, @mega-mathi.

9 Fandom Peeps to Get to Know Better

Tagged by @the-marron, thanks for the tag🎉😊

3 Ships You Like: there are so many options but of the top of my head right now LawLu, AlbeCale and of course WeiLan

First Ship Ever: Probably NaruSasu, I started out in the depths of DeviantArt and it only went up from there

Last Song You Heard: Ride from Twenty One Pilots - I had this gigantic Twenty One Pilot Phase when I was fifteen and I've started listening to some of the songs again, they're still pretty good

Favourite Children Book: Bartimäus with Eragon being a close second - I guess I just love both the sarcastic asshole with a heart of gold AND the earnest guy just trying his best trope

Currently Reading: Homo Deus (for over a year now, so not sure if it counts as current) and Trash of the Count's Family (more of a rerereading)

Currently watching: i just finished watching the One Piece Live Action (which I totally like a normal amount) and I'm at loose ends right now

Currently consuming: nothing yet, but about to get myself some chocolate milk :D

Currently craving: Hot shower and a better sleep schedule - and only one of these is actually doable

Tagging, if you would like to join the game

@emptysurface @asexualzoro @jasontoddiefor @weaselle @blondejaneblonde @captainkirkk

[nillegible]

Thanks for tagging me! I've been working on Ghost!Lan Wangji, sporadically, here's JWY and LWJ in the Ghosts' realm...

“Aw cutie, I’d take you if you wanted,” the white-haired ghost says, turning to Jiang Wanyin. “A week in my bed if I win, a week in yours if you do.” “No,” repeats Lan Wangji, resting a hand on Jiang Wanyin’s shoulder while he sputters for an answer. “Yeah, hell no,” he manages, finally. “Brat. If you break my silly disciple’s heart I’ll have to beat you up again,” says someone else ducking into the room from a small door in the back. He looks a little older than the first ghost, though he only has a single streak of white in his hair. He looks at Jiang Wanyin, coldly. “Be careful where you speak of hell, idiot boy.” “Old monster, my A-Xu would be there too, of course!” whines the white-haired ghost. His tone changes as he looks back at them. “The person that you’re looking for,” he says, thoughtfully. “He must be very important to you. This Zhen Yan will offer to help you find your person if you answer a simple question.” “Yes?” The white-haired ghost taps his closed fan to his cheek, looking somehow both coquettish and terrifying. “Are you looking for your zhiji… or his?” Jiang Wanyin can’t answer. Can’t make himself open his mouth to say mine, not when he knows Lan Wangji would echo it. He blinks when there’s only silence from the man at his side. When the silence stretches longer, Jiang Wanyin fills it. “His?” he asks. But Zhen Yan does not meet his eyes, he’s watching Lan Wangji with a strange smile on his face. Jiang Wanyin elbows him, quickly, and that just makes Zhen Yan laugh. “Ah, White-robed-gongzi, that is the wrong answer. Cute-gongzi,” he says, leaning forward a little, “Nice try. I hope you both find the person you’re looking for. Be careful not to let strangers in at the wedding.”

I'm tagging @ibijau, @marbleglove @vandrell @marsdiogenes, @mega-mathi and @ladyteldra Once again, no pressure, see you!

(Mya and Pearl, I have... been off tumblr so long I don't remember how to tag you!!!)

WIP Snip!

I was tagged by @tavina-writes 💜 I actually have more WIPs that are *not* for exchanges than I normally do? Wild

This WIP is titled "removing the mask" and it is a TGCF AU inspired by season 2 of the donghua where LQQ decides not to remove XL's mask (only here he does)

"Xie Lian isn't going to ascend again," Lang Qianqiu said darkly. "He's dead." The laughter of the other officials cut off immediately, and the silence that followed was heavy. "Dead?" Ling Wen asked, always seeking to make sure her records were the most complete. "Your Highness is sure the Crown Prince of Xianle is dead?" "Of course I'm sure," Lang Qianqiu bit out. "I killed him myself!" "You--!" That was General Nan Yang, Lang Qianqiu thought. He'd not made trouble with the martial god of the southwest in the years since he'd ascended. He knew there was little chance that the general had flaunted the rules of the heavens to help his former prince get revenge on Yong'an. But he'd kept his distance, not willing to make friends with a god from Xianle. "How dare you??"

Tagging @nemainofthewater, @kasasagi-eye (i still need to do the other one you tagged me in oops), @blondejaneblonde, @ilthit, and anyone else who wants to! (no pressure of course!)

[nillegible]

Do ya'll ever think about how every character in MDZS is living in a radically different genre of story?

Cause yeah, sure Wei Wuxian is living in a danmei fantasy novel with strong romantic comedy elements, but if you slide over a bit Lan Wangji is living a serious and heady drama about regret, loss, yearning, the passage of time, and ultimately atonement.

Scooch on over to Xichen and your in a straight up Greek tragedy, right down to the parable about hubris and trust. Jin Guangyao is living meanwhile in a political dark fantasy al'la Game of Thrones, Nie Huaisang is in a Gothic moody Monte Cristo-esque reflection on revenge and deception, and while Lan Sizhuhi and Jin Ling are living in two VERY different YA fantasy books ('magic boarding school/secret orphan of destiny' and 'Steven Universe style coming of age/discovering all your family are some flavor of evil and magic' respectively).

Everyone connected to Yi City is living inside a dark psychological thriller/horror flick, except for Xue Yang who is in a Found Family/Enemies to Lover fic right up until he isn't.

Jiang Cheng's entire life has been one long soap opera, and it is showing no signs of stopping anytime soon.

[nillegible]

(Part 7 of Stay, the MY time travel fic. Well, Chronologically follows Part 3, But you can read them any which way! Read the others using: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7)

“I can take a hint, you know,” says Qin Su a few days later. “I’m not going to keep chasing you if you’re not interested, you didn’t have to tell my father to interfere.”

“I. I did not do such a thing, Qin-guniang,” says Meng Yao.

She glares at him as if to divine how truthful he was being. An interesting precaution but ultimately futile. She wouldn’t ever be able to see through him if he chose to deceive her. “I suppose I’ll believe you,” she says. “Meng-shidi should know that I had the most uncomfortable discussion with my father today. Since it’s your fault – regardless of what you told anyone – you owe me!”

“This Meng Yao has little to offer, but is yours to command regardless,” he says, sweetly.

“Then call me Su-shjie. If you’re part of my sect, you should act like it.”

“Alright, shijie,” says Meng Yao with a smile, hoping that she’ll accept it.

“Better,” she says approvingly. Then, lighter, “It is hard to stay angry, Meng-shidi’spractically weaponized those dimples.” It startles a genuine laugh out of him. She really was the loveliest person; proof that Jin Guangshan’s seed was not all rotten.

“This Meng Yao will find Su-shijie to continue our conversation later? I’m to help demonstrate muffling talismans for the junior disciples today.”

“Of course, go on! I’ll see you later!” The last is a promise, she obviously intends to see it through.

It hurts a little less when he nods and agrees, before hurrying to the class he was meant to help with. They could be friends, this time.

This time, Meng Yao wouldn’t let anything happen to her.

(This time, he wouldn’t hurt her.)

---

If everyone else is also strangely kind to him for a few weeks after, then Meng Yao doesn’t really notice, nor make the connection, until he’s following Su-shijie and two of her friends on a trip to the market. He’s being used mostly to hold packages; the girls had picked up quite a lot of novels; more than fit into the few qiankun bags they had brought with them.

“Apologies to Meng-shidi, we didn’t think we’d be stopping here,” they’d said, or something along those lines, at four different places already.

Aside from the packages, he was only occasionally consulted over the appearance or worth of some small trinkets – one of the youngest disciples had recently received a sword, and they wished to give her gifts for the occasion – but as Meng Yao’s being treated to snacks as an apology for every hour the trip extends, he barely minds. He is free for the day and it’s almost fun.

Li Feilong finds a green ribbon, almost exactly of a shade to match with official Nie robes. Huaisang would like that, he thinks, just as she says, “Oh, doesn’t this look lovely?” holding it out. She wraps it around her wrist to observe the colour.

“Feilong-shimei’s partiality is showing again,” ribs Qin Su, eyeing the other wares, and picking a midnight-blue one for herself.

“Shijie,” Li Feilong huffs, before releasing the ribbon, saying under her breath, “But he is handsome, I don’t know how he’s only ranked seventh on that blasted list.”

“We’ve all heard it before, Feilong-shijie,” laughs Lin Biao. “Well, I suppose Meng-shidi hasn’t.”

“Meng-shidi!” says, Li Feilong suddenly, whirling towards him. “You used to be Sect Leader Nie’s deputy, were you not? Come, tell me if this colour truly matches his robes,” she says, and Meng Yao steps closer even though he’s sure it is close enough.

“It would be hard to tell them apart,” he says. “Though such a light silk would be more Nie-gongzi’s style than Nie-zongzhu’s. He doesn’t know if it’s because Nie Mingjue’s cultivation was so advanced that he could not tell the weight of his robes, but his silks were heavy.

“That doesn’t matter, thanks, shidi! Auntie, may I have three lengths of this, please?”

“Three lengths, Shimei?”

“Hush, Shijie. I’ll wear it to the hunt on Phoenix mountain, next season! I can edge my cuffs with it, to match.”

The three women pick out other ribbons as well, a pretty pale periwinkle, a few yellows and roses, and some Qin-sect blues. Meng Yao finds his eyes being drawn to the green ribbon again and again. He can’t really believe that he thought that, so what if Huaisang would like it? There was no shortage of green silk in Qinghe, and Meng Yao is no longer... no longer beholden to him.

Some habits were clearly hard to break, that is all, and ‘Huaisang would like that,’ is a decade long habit, that led to him buying multiple pretty things for him. Fans yes, for birthdays, but he’d spoiled him with other things, too.

Meng Yao had always treated him like a child, and somehow missed what was right in front of his face.

It doesn’t stop Meng Yao from buying a length of it before they leave, as well as some colours of thread to go with it. He slips it all into his sleeve, and pretends not to notice the curious looks that he gets form his three companions.

“Shall we return then?” he asks.

“Just a few boxes of tanghulu for mother, and then we can go,” Qin Su decides, and they nod, trailing after her.

On the way back, Qin Su asks, voice mild enough that he’s instantly on guard, “Will Yao-shidi be wearing a green ribbon to the hunt as well?”

Wait, what? When on earth had he given her that impression?

“This shidi will of course be in Sect colours,” he says, while he frantically tries to pick out how this misunderstanding had come about. “The ribbon is for a gift.”

“Oh, of course,” says Qin Su.

“At least agree with me that Nie-zongzhu should be ranked higher, Meng-shidi,” says Li Feilong, from behind them. Meng Yao had assumed they were not listening, and when he quickly glances behind them, Lin Biao is elbowing her, trying to shut her up.

Oh?

Too startled by the byplay and its potential implications, he demurs politely, “I have no opinion on the matter, Feilong-shijie.” Then he smirks, “But I do know why the ranking is in the order that it is!”

Lin Biao gasps, and bounds closer. “You know who makes the rankings?” Conversation neatly diverted, Meng Yao spends the rest of the walk back coyly refusing to reveal his source – not that a drunk Huaisang in the future, confessing to ranking Jin Zixuan above Wei Wuxian just to see Wei Wuxian’s face, and putting his brother seventh because he had to be somewhere is much of a source – and the three ladies graciously allow for the change in topic.

If he returns to his room and skips dinner that night, well, he had been treated to a lot of snacks that afternoon. And it gives him time to try to figure out how exactly he’d convinced Sect Leader Qin that he was a cutsleeve. (He pretends that this is pressing enough that he doesn’t need to think about the green ribbon he’d bought so impulsively, and shoves it beneath his simple sewing kit.)

---

Meng Yao very very cautiously observes his disciple-siblings over the course of the next few weeks, but except for two offhand comments – quickly shushed – no one comments on his supposed inclination for cutting his sleeve. He’s a little bemused but after some thought and delicate probing, he works out the evidence for their “deduction”. In addition to his unexpected rejection of Qin Su, there was the matter of his apparent fear of Jin Guangshan; who was well known for his intolerance for such “deviancy” within his sect.

It's so absurdly sensible a conclusion to draw from the limited evidence available that Meng Yao has no defence to offer. Surely it made more sense than Meng Yao having returned from the future.

And most importantly: no one cared. They were trying to be kind.

If he didn't know better he would think he had developed a second golden core; so warm is the feeling that fills him up and settles in.

[nillegible]

I have never thought about them as comfort characters before, but that is such a good way to put it. Mine are (again, in no particular order):

1. Liu Qingge - who is so very perfect, I am aware the fanon interpretations of him vary a lot, but in all my fave fic the authors do him just right.

2. Jin Guangyao - I have a soft spot for redemption stories? And tragedies. And complex characters with difficult siblings. JGY is just such a great character, and he’s usually written so well.

3. Jiang Wanyin - Heart of Tofu!!!

4. Percy Weasley. - I have no idea why I imprinted so hard on Percy... he’s just doing his best!

5. Xiao Jingyan - who is also just so perfect and tragic and wonderful.

And having laid them all out here, I believe I have a type, and that seems to be sibling issues (taking their martial siblings into account).

Thank you for the tag! Tagging: @myakkoh, @ibijau, @mega-mathi, @marbleglove, @marsdiogenes

Sorry if you’ve done this already, I haven’t been on tumblr much recently!

got tagged by @suspiciouspopsicle in a thing to post 5 comfort characters and then tag 5 people in no particular order.

Cloud Strife, oldie but goodie

Kim Dokja

Shang Qinghua

Jin Guangyao

Sailor Moon, another Ur fandom friend

Ok tag time! @lacertae-dreamscape @cicaklah @leatherbookmark @scribeprotra @blondejaneblonde

[nillegible]

[nillegible]

James

James receives the invisibility cloak during his first Christmas back from Hogwarts. The Potters are at Gran’s, along with the entire extended Weasley clan. James, Hugo, and Albus get to room in the attic, and he wakes on Christmas morning to find a package at his feet that reads do not open in front of your brother or cousins. Not that James has to; he’s admired dad’s invisibility cloak for years and he knows exactly what’s inside.

He gives his dad a quick hug with his morning “Merry Christmas!” and shoots Teddy an excited look. Sure, dad wants him to keep it quiet, but Teddy has the map. James is sure the two of them can work out a suitable way to share their resources back at school.

Albus

If Albus hadn’t needed the credits from his internship with Madam Abbot to graduate Healing School at St.Mungo’s he would not be stomping around the forbidden forest helping Professor Longbottom collect Bloodroot and Devil’s Shoestring. He’s packing the roots he’s dug up carefully in moist wrappings, when he spots a pebble. It’s rather small, oddly square, and caked with dirt. Albus has been collecting rocks for years, from the creek behind his house, from Shell Cottage, and from the beach. Mum thinks it’s ridiculous and Jamie teases him for it but Dad always helped him wash empty jam jars to put them in and they’re now stacked around his room. He taps at it so that it loses some of the dirt, and sticks it in the pocket of his jeans. 

The stone ends up back at the Potter house a while later, in a jar alongside the other stones that Albus has picked over the course of the year. All of them have been carefully cleaned. He drops a brilliant red pebble and a twisted slate grey one he’d picked up near the lake on top, screws the lid shut, and puts it up on a shelf.

Lily

Lily’s teaching Defence against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts for a year while she recovers from a skirmish with a coven of Dark Wizards that had left her broken and her auror-partner dead. Hogwarts is beautiful and peaceful, and bubbling with life, but somehow she finds herself walking the grounds alone, often visiting the herd of Thestrals in the forest. The skeletal, gentle beasts that she can now see are welcoming, and she takes comfort in their serene presence.

As she wanders in her free time she often stops by Headmaster Dumbledore’s grave. It’s an odd place for a grave, these school grounds. There’s something both solemn and tranquil about the place though, something she, having stepped so close to death herself, finds peace in.

When her year of teaching is up, she says farewell to her Thestrals, and stands before the grave of the great man she’d only known through stories and history lessons. Can you bid goodbye to someone you’ve never met? A strange wooden wand lies atop the marble grave. Lily picks it up. It’s warm and friendly, something she hasn’t felt in years since she picked out her own first wand at Ollivanders’ with her parents all those years ago. 

She knows she should leave it, but her fingers don’t loosen on the perfect kell. It’s like the wand is begging her to keep it. She slips it into her wand holster, tight against her Applewood wand. 

This wand had somehow chosen her. It just wasn’t clear why.

The Wand

The last Master had used the wand just once. Just once, to heal a lesser, broken phoenix feather wand, and then he had buried her in the cold and dark. So the wand found herself a better Master; a young woman whose magic burned with love and grief and peace, calling the wand to escape the darkness to find her. A Master who uses the wand in battle, as she was always meant to be used. So the wand lends her her strength, bolsters her defences and reinforces her hexes. The wand wants no other Master.

The Stone

The new Master doesn’t ever use the stone, he runs his fingers over it from time to time but never rolls it over, three times, asking to bring back the dead. So the stone lies sleeping on a shelf with hundreds of other small stones. The new Master has no need of him, because he battles the veil each day on his own, dragging back the sick and injured who are about to cross over back into the world of the living with his own two hands, and magic that burns like spring and sunlight and life.

The stone basks in his light and dreams.

The Cloak

The cloak has loved every single one of her charges. She wraps them tight and keeps them safe, protecting them from evil and danger to the best of her abilities. Her newest charge reminds her of many young boys she’s protected, still young and carefree. She’ll raise him as she has all the others before him, until he is strong enough to protect himself, and provide shelter to others. Right now she indulgently hides him and the blue-haired boy as they sneak out after dark for sweets.

[nillegible]

Oh god, now I want to write an Orpheus/Eurydice style rescue, but it's WWX saving JZX

And them bickering all the way back, like:

"You killed me with your mad ghost general!"

"He's very sorry about that!"

"He's sorry? You're not?"

"I'm getting you out of here aren't I? What more do you want?"

Jin Zixun, in the distance: Hey! What about me? For god's sake, wait up!

[nillegible]

@Fanfic writers:

My friend send me this link, is a series on a profile on Ao3 (tumblr) that has different tutorials to insert things to fanfics via html code, I thought I would share bc it’s really cool

Lists of tutorials:

How to make images fit in mobile browsers

This is a tutorial/live example on how to make large images fit on mobile browsers but remain normal size on desktop browsers.

How to mimic letters, fliers, and stationery without using images

This is a tutorial/live example on how to mimic the look of letters, fliers, and stationery (as well as other forms of written media) without using images. For all your epistolary fic needs.

How to make a “choose your own adventure” Fic

This is a tutorial/live example on how to create a "Choose Your Own Adventure" fic. While this has been explained before (see here), this particular tutorial shows you how to use a work skin to hide the next parts from the reader until they click through to get to them.

How to make linked footnotes on Ao3

This is a live example of how an author can create linked footnotes in their work with only a little bit of HTML and no workskins required. This is best viewed by clicking "Entire Work". While I've included the actual coding in bold and italic once you click "Hide Creator's Style", there's a more detailed explanation here.

How to change text on Ao3 when the cursor is hovering over it (or clicked on mobile)

This a tutorial/live example on how to have text change or appear once a cursor is hovering over it. Helpful for pop-up spoilers, language translations, quick author's notes, etc.

How to mimic author’s notes and Kudos/Comment buttons

Anonymous on tumblr: do you have a skin that would mimic the author’s notes and review/kudos buttons section from the end of a fic? the desired effect being that the fic could go on after the “end” of the fic, so after the author’s notes and review/kudos buttons

Here's a tutorial/live example to do just that, with some of the buttons actually functioning. I'll explain more inside!

How to wrap text around images

This is a tutorial/live example on how to align images to the left or right of the screen and have text wrap around them.

How to mimic email windows

This is a tutorial/live example on how to mimic email windows on AO3 without the need to use images.

How to make ios text messages on Ao3

This is a tutorial/live example on how to mimic iOS text messages on AO3 without the need to use images. There's also a chapter on how to have emojis displayed on AO3 as well.

How to make Customized page deviders

Bored with the default page dividers? This is a tutorial/live example on how customize your page dividers with no images needed (though I do show you how you could use images if you wanted to do such a thing).

How to make invisible text (That can be highlighted)

This is a live example how to make invisible text that can only be seen by highlighting the text. Tutorial is included in text, and you can always leave comments about questions you may have.

MOBILE USERS: Sadly, this probably won't work for you, since highlighting in a mobile browser is different than web. I've tried correcting this, but have yet to find a solution.

How to make a rounded playlist

Original coding and design is from layouttest. I make no claims for it, just tweaked it so it will work on AO3.

How to create notebook lined paper on Ao3

This is a live example of my AO3 skin that allows the author to recreate the look of lined notebook paper in their work. To learn more about it, you can find the tutorial here.

Sticky notes on Ao3 without using images

This is a live example of my AO3 skin that allows the author to recreate the look of sticky notes (aka Post-Its) in their fic. To learn more about it, you can find the tutorial here.

How to make deadpool’s thinking thinking boxes on Ao3

This is a live example of my AO3 skin that allows the author to recreate the look of Deadpool's thinking boxes in their fic. To learn more about it, you can find the tutorial here.

How to make newspaper articles on Ao3

This is a live example of my AO3 skin that allows the author to recreate the look of a newspaper article in their work. To learn more about it, you can find the tutorial here.

[nillegible]

Reblogging to find later as plot bunny

Nie Mingjue’s last words were to Lan Xichen, and were “Don’t get in my way,” and that’s just tragic.

I wonder if Lan Xichen remembered that, when Jin Guangyao pushed him away, when the corpse of his Da-ge’s hand wrapped around A-Yao’s throat. He’d been standing between them for so many years, since the end of the sunshot campaign.

(Lan Xichen had been standing between them for years, but his back had always been to the wrong brother. Why had it taken so long for someone to say, ‘Xichen, behind you!’  ?

No, that’s a lie. Xichen just hadn’t trusted the first Nie to warn him that there was a monster at his back.)

[nillegible]

Bless OP for finally explaining this to me. I remember at one of the low points of my life - working on my grad school thesis, alone - I was so addicted to and obsessed with comments that I finally turned off email notifications, and gave my ao3 password to a trusted ao3/Discord friend, and begged them to change it. I still would go in as a guest and check my comments from the other side, but I’d do that only twice a day. And more importantly, I couldn’t post fic, to stimulate new comments.

I even remember how it would work; I always did the least work - actual work on my thesis - on Wednesdays and Thursdays, as the weekend + Monday always brought the most comments, and then tapered. As they dried up I would panic and write new fic/update old ones. I tended to post on Thursdays, Fridays if it ran overlong. And then loyal follower!commenters would comment within the next twelve hours, plus more over the weekend... I would spend time wondering if I would reach more people if I posted at midnight, instead of sometime convenient for my timezone.

This is not meant as a slight to fic or Ao3. Fanfiction has kept me sane during some really horrid or mind numbingly boring times. It has brought me some of my best friends. But OP, thank you for giving me an explanation for that downward spiral I was on. I was definitely posting more fic than ever before. I was enjoying it. I was on the upward swing of my MXTX obsession, and the characters were consuming my life in a fun way. But at that exact situation I was in - away from home, alone in my dorm room because my roommate and friend was at the observatory, working on something not regularly fulfilling because research for me was two steps left, two steps right and looking around confusedly and then reading more papers and then EFFING COVID - in that situation, Ao3′s  stats page, its kudos, bookmarks, comments and the comment emails were bad for me. The thing I loved most in the world was making me sick.

I wish I had read OP’s post then, maybe I would have stepped away faster. Maybe I wouldn’t have seen it as “being super productive” and “wow, finally my fic hit 1000 kudos!” “What if I don’t update, and they unsubscribe and forget about me?” and seen it for what it was; I was gambling for validation from my friends and fellow fans, and receiving it would send me flying. Missing it would send my scrambling to write something else, to write something better.

Thank you so incredibly much to @squiglylines for helping me back then! It helped me snap out of it, and I think I’ve been doing okay since. All the kudos to you for being awesome (and helping me get my degree!) And thank you also to all the commenters on my fics, I still cherish them greatly!

One reason I think it’s important that tumblr understands that AO3 emails spark dopamine and not serotonin other than the fact that I’m a neuroscientist who is very tired is because dopamine is part of the reward system.

I honestly think that emails from AO3 affect the reward system very similarly to gambling. When you get a sudden, random reward (AKA a comment on your fic), it feels great, and you want that again. But as the gambler writer, you have very little control over when the rewards come in or how many. There are games fandoms where you might have a higher chance of getting a response, or tropes, pairings, etc, but in the end, the reward is up to fickle fate (or possibly fantastic marketing on your part if you know how).

Randomly received rewards are incredibly addicting.

Similarly, not receiving a reward when you think you should get one feels very, very bad.

People who are more satisfied in their lives are less susceptible to the highs and lows of gambling and other addictive behaviors. If you are finding your relationship with you AO3 stats page or AO3 emails is unhealthy, it might be worth it to 1. turn off email notifications (so the randomness of the reward is removed) 2. Pick a time each week to check for comments (now it’s on a schedule) and 3. See if there are ways to improve your life elsewhere so that your mental health does not fluctuate with the whims of strangers sending you comments.

It’s not a moral failing to like attention. I have no judgment for people who get into a negative cycle with these things. This is for your mental health. Writing can be so rewarding for so many reasons, and I really just want to see other people find the joy in it.

[nillegible]

The Murder of Yanluo Wang

It was the cultivators that did it.

They would make sure that it’s forgotten, there wouldn’t be a single record of it; just cursed ruins, and a demonic realm that bled into the real world, and a new family of demons with heavenly blood who had been cast out of heaven.

But it was the cultivators who did it, and they were not punished.

Or perhaps they were.

-

It began as a quest for immortality, it began with humans absorbing the life force of the earth, of the qi from the wild things, the untouched forests, the rivers and mountain streams, the marketplaces and the towns. It started with them gathering enough life force to remain indefinitely young, to gain impossible strength, the ability to fly…

And yet, in spite of it all, Yanluo Wang would appear on the appointed day.

You could escape age, and illness, and human fragilities, but you could not escape Yanluo Wang.

He was never cruel, he was never proud, but he was also never, ever, late.

No wealth, no pristine jade, no elixir would sway him from harvesting the souls written in his book, at the appointed day, hour, moment.

Five more minutes, they whined, like children unwilling to go to bed. Like a stern parent, Yanluo Wang firmly shepherded them away.

And so the cultivators, ever greedy for more, unable to understand why, decided he should be done away with it.

It took three generations of cultivators, it took a clan of heavenly beings far less incorruptible than the Lord of the Dead, and it took the Heibai Wuchang.

Only when it was over, only when it was irreversibly done, did the cultivators realize what they had unintentionally wrought; for who could carry out the work of Yanluo Wang?

-

The dead do not stay dead. There’s something wrong, the corpses and the souls that once inhabited them are not severed cleanly, the souls do not take an easy path to Naihe Bridge, leading them to their next mortal shell. They appear before Meng Po, battered, tired, exhausted. Even the forgetting-soup does not erase the pain of their deaths entirely.

And, the corpses. They remember; slivers of their soul cling to their mortal remains, and the resentment lingers, grows, and then the corpses rise again in inhuman rage.

The gods, who were said to have withdrawn from the human realm in punishment for their hubris in striking one of their own, do not respond to desperate entreaties, prayers or curses, offerings or bribes. Perhaps it was truly cowardice; what felled one god could easily destroy another. Yanluo Wang had never meant humanity ill.

The great cultivation schools survive, but it is brutal. The rifts claim hundreds of human and demon lives before the northern snow-demon clan manages to seal the most obvious openings. The humans heavily fortify the rest. After an age, stability returns to both realms. The immortality that had tempted them to stray remains elusive; and few lived beyond their fourth century, if that. Yanluo Wang had not been the cause of wars, and his absence does nothing to preclude them.

War is always devastating. When your improperly dead can return to destroy you, things are considerably worse.

There are methods, to quell the undead’s resentment. To press unpassed souls through the veil and into the other side. It is difficult, but not impossible. And it is the only way to survive.

For a while, they think they will make it.

Then their dead reincarnate.

-

The great cultivation schools have to close down; only three-dozen young ones in a generation manage to succeed at the difficult first steps of cultivation. Hundreds more meditate in vain, but their spiritual veins are hard, scarred from the improper exit of their past life. There are easier ways to waste one’s limited time on Earth than the exacting practice of a skill that remains beyond their reach.

It only gets worse the next time around; fresh scars scissoring over old ones. The qi from the wild things, the untouched forests, the rivers and mountain streams, the marketplaces and the towns flow freely and untapped.

In the ugly fashion of those who cling to power they can no longer wield, the cultivators dwindle.

The monsters and the undead do not.

-

His name was Wen Mao, and he was a healer.

Disgusted by the world he was born into, by the hedonistic lives of the last teachers and their handfuls of students and heartfuls of resentment, he denounced them all and swore to make his own path.

His name was Wen Mao, and he only wanted to help.

He discovered away to… to skip, to jump straight to possessing a simple approximation of the golden cores that he had read about in the cultivation manuals that had outlasted their “immortal” schools. The manuals claimed they would take eighty years to form a golden core.

Wen Mao’s cheap approximation took six.

Of course, like most knock-offs, they could not stand up to the original, but they were never meant to. The cores were needed to wield the swords of old, and the swords of old were the surest way to “kill” the corpses that rose again and again. The occasional demonic wanderers that slipped through the two realms’ borders for a chance at the easy prey could be disposed of, too.

It was Wen Mao who learned the hard way that his new technique would not work for all children. Only his own.

It is a terrible burden to take upon one’s own bloodline; the safety and security of the world.

Over a century, a handful of others step up, filling the role as needed. Some raise flutes, some raise butcher’s knives.

They all only want to help.

They survive.

{idea shamelessly stolen from @marsdiogenes who explained why MDZS’ cultivation world feels post-apocalyptic compared to most others}

[nillegible]

Tagged by @marsdiogenes , thank you!

Favourite Clothing: Well-worn t-shirts and wrap-around skirts, or cotton kurtis and stretchy jeans. 

Comfort food: Plain warm milk in rice, with a bit of mixed-veggie pickle.

Favourite time of year: The entire latter half of a year, from July. I don’t know why the first half of a year exists!

Favourite song: Can’t think of one, I’m more of a podcast person.

Favourite drink:  Sukku-malli Kashayam (Coriander seed and ginger “tea” that does not contain tea. It does taste heavenly. Here’s a recipe.)

Favourite fic: I was going to do what mars did and name some recently read favorites.... but I’m lazy, so have The Grand Unified Theory of Shen Qingqiu by 00janeblonde, the fic I’ve probably reread the most times, by a looong shot, and Ao3 informs me I’ve visited 2667 times. Logged in.

Tagging @ladyteldra, @vandrell, @vodkassassin, @myakkoh, @nitilia and @pearlescentpearl!

[nillegible]

a-cheng..

[nillegible]

Thinking about little baby toddler Jingyi who never quite manages to stop running once he figures out how to stand and manages to full on tackle Lan Xichen into the ground atleast three separate times and each time Lan Xichen laughs, almost a little too free (because honestly after the war? Such liveliness is a blessing he can’t curb) as he stands himself and the little gremlin up. He grins, just barely skirting that ‘don’t be too joyful’ rule, and reminds Jingyi not to run for his own safety… before sending him after Sizhui and Lan Wangji who are walking past. When Jingyi manages to tackle them both down, Lan Xichen turns away to hide his smile but it still lingers as he looks at the others

Every Lan disciple in the vicinity suddenly forgets about the no staring rule and wonders if they can convince Jingyi to knock him down again to make him laugh again.