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[ninxuisle]

The hardest part is the "Start"

Many would say “just start now”, yes you should but you are being buried with the wondrous land of “how?”. That’s essentially the foundation of anything that we do; to be able to decode the ‘how’ in their lives. But not everyone were fortunate to do so, actually nobody does. But why does people became the multi-millionaires and billionaires at the very age? Does they knew their ‘how’ in their…

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It's a long process, indeed.

It’s a collective idea how everything started, how it was disrupted, how’s the resumption, what changed? what are the lesson learned, wasted time. How you realized you were on the right track and suddenly got lost.

The answer to that question is simple: MOTIVATION!

In decent term THE NORTH STAR

In my case, the MOTIVATOR

This is why I told my colleagues ‘not to depend into someone else’ coz when you do, you gotta face it’s blinding spot which is the downtime of your motivator. There downtime is your downtime. You gotta start again, or restart maybe?

But to tell you, there’s a magic in restart. You learned, you regretted but eventually you earned wisdom from it. What you gonna do is to properly navigate the “why” in everything.

Okay, to make everything clear, in my own point of view it started 21st of April, 2020. A month after the lockdown announcement in our country. After a month of figuring out about the shut down of everything, the Motivator was just like a falling star, shining from the skies and sparkled some light in dark and vast land. That’s the effect of my Motivator. I was doing right all those time after some month, the bright light faded. 15th of October, 2021 one of my strongest pillar fell in to her deepest slumber. Everything was blackout until the last day of 2021.

In year 2022, something blossomed. An add up to the heart and everything was overwhelming. I was motivated by unknown that time. Maybe by the feeling and compassion, everything when well but it seems all was in haste that time, fugaciously flowing indeed. I came to realized that year was my initial formation year, I was coined of who I needed to become. I was motivated to motivate, educated to educate, taken care of, to take care and inspired to inspire. God really gives us things to ponder, things to learn from. Just like reading a book, its like we are reading 15 pages of knowledge and 100 pages of advertisement because they can’t sell a 15 pages book.

In year 2023, something misleading came which if you are not wise enough to decode and filter it you’ll fall into a dark and dirty pit. But nothing comes easy, it was the fastest and exhausted year of my life. Upon seeing my output I even ask myself “how the hell I did all of those? who i was chasing?” Well my friend, life will give us a shiny and healthy green watermelons to believe that everything was made of glitz and glamour, that everything was made of gold and you need to grab it. But little did we know that when we peel the watermelon it will show us the reddish surface and by the time we squeeze it, only 1/4 of its insides are solid. This is only a metamorphosis of life that was shown to us. We might see its dashing yet blinding packaging but little that we know it’s substance was made of toxic materials. So when entering a den make sure to have your timeline and objective. Give them benefit while benefiting from it, there is no such thing as free in this free world.

Make sure before entering a den you have a complete and impeccable self awareness and by the time has come ask yourself “who am I becoming?” refurbish and re-assess yourself. Are you on the right water or are you flooded and submerged into toxins? Do you still have your heap of patience and virtues or are you becoming impatient and easily angst? Are you still feeling hopeful and motivated or hopeless and vindictive? Do you still see things with silver linings or do you only see things with thin line and become red?

If you feel the latters, pack your things, finish your pending tasks, it’s time to leave don’t ever look back for you are becoming the worst person you’ll ever become. When that seeds that you have planted was being watered with used and dirting water, you might wither and soon dead. Choose what shows you kindness and love than who shows you the bad side of the world to get your emphaty and to take advantage of your abilities.

Put your head down, what took all of your time will take the steering wheel of your life. Make sure that you are on the driver seat, it may be a long ride but you’ll navigate it eventually just choose to be kind and patient, trust in God and pray for everything and everyone.

Remember your North Star is praying for you, it will shine by time when you need the light, even you didn’t noticed that you under the darkest skies.

How did I know?

I just regained the energy had God let my North Star light the skies I am into. By that, I realized that I am trapped in the darkest valley of my life and I need to get away from here with my North Star’s light shining throughout my way all the way from the glamourous city of Dubai.

[ninxuisle]

People quits not because the job is hard, people quits because the people are way harder.

[ninxuisle]

Writing the Worst

Many people doesn’t like writing because they weren’t good at it. Some were just afraid that it will end up as a disaster, that there would be nobody to read what they write. No, anyone can write, everyone can write their thoughts. Anyone can write about their point of view about climate change, what stops them was the critics. Yes, there are critics that slam into your face that you could be the worst writer that they’d ever encounter. Everyone can write they just need to pick the right the right audience. Picking the correct audience is the most crucial part of anyone’s masterpiece. It’s just selling a product in wrong marketplace, in wrong target market. Maybe its the time that we should address writing as freedom. Freedom to share their our thoughts. Maybe our unwritten thoughts is the solution of other readers’ problem. Maybe people reads to refresh their thoughts or to divert it. We can change the world by changing what we thinks.

Maybe I am not a writer, maybe I was.

Maybe I lost it or maybe it was just hidden and covered by a tons of dust. If only I had still the mind of the 5th grader me, I could write you a poem in just 2 minutes. If only i had still the brain of the 10th grader me, I could write you manuscript for your screenplay. In looking for the things that we want in life, we tend to lose what we’re good at. I wasn’t sure, neither of us were. I was good, I am not today. I aced English then, I am not eligible now. We tend to focus on what we’re weak at and forgot what we’re good at. It was clouded, diluted by the things the we believe we were but we weren’t. If I was sure back then I am not that confuse and tired today.

Life didn’t walk without a reason, maybe this season of our lives were lesson on its becoming. Maybe I was a writer, I am still a writer; wasn’t nurtured neither tortured. Lies with mediocracy and believed that she can do any. Yes I was one of those people who over objects of all the things that this world might offer. I write, I draw, I dance, I sing, I cook; I can do most of the things but I am not good in either of those. I succeed in dealing with numbers, I pushed them for a living; but I failed in pushing letters or didn’t I? My 8th grader mind might contradicts the grammar I had today even the choices of words. I could be the kind of Shakespeare? Edgar Allan Poe? or Brontë but I am neither of those. I am just an executive assistant that supposed to be a chef and a writer. But who can say I was redirected to path that made me believe I am good at. So here I come rekindling the fire that was being snatched from me.

I don’t care if nobody reads the passages that I wrote, or nobody will be. Maybe as time passed there will be few and so are you. Don’t write for them, write for you; Don’t look for the audience; be your own audience. Don’t wait for their appreciation; appreciate yours.

Just like the Sundrop Flower in Tangled you will lit the darkest of the night and become the powers of light and life, healing the youth and all positive forces;