nishimiyax

[nishimiyax]

“Of all our infirmities, the most savage is to despise our being.”

— Michel de Montaigne, Essais

[nishimiyax]

What a banger.

I laughed at loud when the singer mocked the Arab rulers xD

[nishimiyax]

It is not difficult to be a revolutionary when revolution has already broken out and is in spate, when all people are joining the revolution just because they are carried away, because it is the vogue, and sometimes even from careerist motives. It is far more difficult—and far more precious—to be a revolutionary when the conditions for direct, open, really mass and really revolutionary struggle do not yet exist.

Vladimir Lenin, Left-Wing Communism: An Infantile Disorder (1920)

[nishimiyax]

i know it sounds made up but studying Marxism will save you. like, understanding how and why society works the way it does and being able to have the knowledge that it wasn't always like this and one day this too will be surpassed will do wonders for your mental health. not to mention the tools for analysis and understanding can give you insight into yourself, because it does also do that, it's just that the knowledge and understanding that comes from studying socioeconomics derived from class struggle (rather than bourgeois intellectualism) recontextualizes so many of our issues and struggles that things no longer feel like they're explicitly you're fault nor do they stretch beyond our imagination infinitely into the past and beyond our futures. If you feel hopeless or confused, reading theory can genuinely help. it will solidify your understanding of the world and how to move forward, rather than simply pointing out all the problems (as many social media posts tend to) the answers are in theory.

the crazy thing is it's not just beneficial to our mental health but to our external, physical health too. learning these things can uplift the Proletariat as a class and start to bring us closer to those futures you'll become able to see. theory is a map to a better future, not only is it relieving to see there is one out there, we can actually follow it, and that's the best part.

[nishimiyax]

a prostration filled with love leads to enjoyment in worship,

the only thing that exists in empty prostrations is this world.

people say that we just have to fulfill an obligation, it feels as if they've taken a loan from their Lord.

i pray your prostrations don't make you a disbeliever, o iqbal.

for you bow down in one place and your mind wanders elsewhere.

[nishimiyax]

السلام على أمى، أول الاوطان وآخر المنافى

Peace be upon my mother, the first homeland and the last exile.

- Mahmoud Darwish

[nishimiyax]

mujhe nahi lagta i will ever forgive them for not taking my feelings seriously.

[nishimiyax]

i am not sure if people understand what sleep does to someone who is on meds. if i sacrificed my sleep for you, i swear, it is me fucking my brain. because then my meds don't work like they have to and my whole day will get ruined. and that's exactly what's about to happen now. I am not short tempered, i am just sick of people being insensitive towards what's important to me all my life. that's why I get triggered so easily. but you don't get it. you don't. you don't get the pain. ofc you don't have to.

[nishimiyax]

dear f,

why do people make me wait? nah, the thing is, i wait. I shouldn't. i have this very very bad habit of not considering my self respect when i am with those who are close to me. nah bro, we must change that. If they wanted to, they would've respected tumhari feelings. you should never have to tell them yahin se. take it on your ego. is baar take it. You've come very far, even if you have to live your life without anyone, don't mind that. remember what happened last time???? jigar mera you don't want to go through that ever again and even anyone makes you go through you, you should simply k!ll that person. Prison would be a better place than this hell. believe me. I love you meri jaan. I will never ever abandon you.

your F.

[nishimiyax]

wow. i just realised. you never looked at me and smiled, never. you never showed me any love on my face, and that's what you're doing to my brother also. maybe if i become an ias, or if my brother becomes a doctor, you might accept us. you wanted me to do mbbs just because kal ko rishta aayega acha. lol.

[nishimiyax]

why do i feel the need to overexplain so much??? what's the point? they will get the point.

[nishimiyax]

not as willing as i am i see. yeah. olright.

[nishimiyax]

I know i am not constantly depressed. I just go through these phases sometimes where i feel severe panic over everything. my thoughts don't stop. all that. i will be fine

[nishimiyax]

I sit down and think about all the betrayals I faced and yours is the worst. I did not abandon you, you did. Your rules, your subjects, your worshippers - they all abandoned me. Made me feel like I deserve the worst corner of the hellfire just because I have the "audacity" to show a strand of hair. I felt abandoned when a man was stroking my legs in a bus for 10 mins, and then I had to listen how I am the one to be blamed.

Its insane how those, whom you've bestowed with "greatest honour" and the title of "protectors" are the ones who have made our lives hell.

You didn't help my people since years. I'd like to convince myself that you've abandoned us long ago. If you really did love me more than my mother, why would you do absolutely nothing over such suffering? Paradise yes. But I won't be even allowed there. My sins are huge - my mere presence is reason for men & their hard dicks.

I know you will not forgive me, neither will I. But I will still sit & ask things from you. I have been living this life you "bestowed" me with, the least you can do is fulfill my dreams before you throw me into the deepest pits of hellfire for my unforgiving crimes.

[nishimiyax]

I am so grateful for her.

[nishimiyax]

o zara fuck off

[nishimiyax]

i want to end everything who do i tell that mujhe itna akela feel horaha hai fucking hell i am in insane pain