nokki - Tumblr blog

[nokki]

At first Netflix said, come write for us. We’ll save your cancelled shows and write about whatever niche story you want. Our algorithm says people will watch it!

Then a few years later they said, regardless of our promises or contract obligations we are cancelling shows after two seasons without telling anyone. Turns out no matter how loved a show is, we get less subscriptions after the second season.

How many subscriptions did we bring you? Netflix won’t say.

So writers started writing two season shows. Just give us two seasons, Netflix. Like you promised.

Then Netflix said, oops sorry! Turns out your show didn’t premiere at #1 and the views in the first day weren’t what we wanted so we’re cancelling your second season.

What were the numbers? How many people watched our show? Netflix doesn’t say.

Then, they did something extra special. They started taking shows and splitting their first season into two halves. Inside Job was not two seasons. It was one season split in half.

Oops! Sorry! The second half of your first season didn’t do as well as the first half, so now your show is cancelled!

Why? How many people? How much money? These companies are making cash hand over fist and they refuse to tell people the truth: people loved your show. Loved it. But some corpo exec wanted an infinite money making machine. Do you know how long shows are in production for before you watch them? Years. Like, 5+, even 10+ years. And Netflix gives it less than a week before they decide whether you’re getting cancelled.

Support #WGA Support #SAGAFTRA

[nokki]

[nokki]

I’m saying this as a preemptive statement: if crowley and aziraphale kiss……great. if not it does not count as queerbaiting bc they’re literally canonically in love grow the fuck up I will be hiding under ur floorboards if y’all start acting up <3

[nokki]

castiel saying he’s good at following instructions was one of the funniest lines ever for me because buddy the only instruction you followed correctly was protecting dean and that wasn’t even for the reasons your boss had in mind

[nokki]

went back through my tumblr and remembered that i used to write what i believed to be legitimate literature as if i’m not shitposting incarnate

[nokki]

"A ship can never truly love an anchor." dude shut up. a ship without an anchor gets dashed against the rocks. it's useless, completely at the whim of the currents. a ship loves an anchor so much it carries it everywhere it goes. the anchor gives the ship the world to love. dude.

[nokki]

that "OKAY SO" before someone u love starts infodumping.......... most blessed feeling in the world

[nokki]

Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery (2022) dir. Rian Johnson

"Are you calling me dangerous?" " We'll see."

[nokki]

"it's like putting a loaded gun on a table and turning the lights off" movies are so good guys. did you know that movies can be incredible.

[nokki]

we dont know anything about Benoit Blanc's husband except that hes called Philip but i want him to be a retired jewel thief who Benoit met during a case after he was hired to locate some stolen diamonds and Philip was posing as a gardener and Benoit kept asking him increasingly complicated questions about gardening so Philip thought he was onto him but really Benoit just thought he was hot and asked Philip out but the entire time Philip was like this is some kind of gambit so kept getting weirder and weirder until Benoit was like what is up with you so Philip confessed the whole thing and Benoit was like oh shit. but the guy he robbed was a total asshole so Benoit was like whatever it's fine so they started dating and the diamonds ended up paying for their apartment

[nokki]

four EXTREMELY underrated glass onion moments:

"child = nft"

"it's so dumb!" "oh... it's so dumb it's brilliant..." "NO! it's just DUMB!!"

"uh, no one traihed ta kill ya, ya vainglorious buffOON" in that stupid accent

"you... dim-witted, brAINLESS, JACKASS! YOUR ONE MUHDUH WITH ANY PANACHE AT ALL AND YOU STOLE THE WHOLE IDEA FROM ME!!"

[nokki]

glass onion was amazing and I wouldn’t change anything about it. BUT I do think it would have been hilarious if there was a post credit scene with all of them getting covid, because of course miles’ gun vax thing doesn’t work.

[nokki]

if dean said "i want you" cas would have heard "like an object." if dean said "i love you" cas would have heard "like a brother." so dean says "i need you" and he means "i need you like i need air." and we know this because dean has been trained to never need anything from anyone. he isn't supposed to need anyone. but cas does not know this and instead he hears "i need you like i need a gun."

[nokki]

weekly phone call

[nokki]

gay people after watching glass onion:

[nokki]

Benoit Blanc is the most character ever. He’s the world’s greatest detective. He’s terrible at clue. He’s friends with Natasha Lyonne and Steven Sondheim. His partner is Hugh Grant. He lives in a high rise apartment. He’s autistic. He hates rich people. He’s a feminist. He has a ridiculous southern accent. He spent the whole pandemic playing among us in the bath. Women of color are his only allies. He’s even gay.

[nokki]

say what you will, but ryan reynolds was made for tumblr. every single one of his posts reads like one of my cringepost brain shits. he’s one of us.