nolanislame

[nolanislame]

i love you

The Pet Shop Boys playing softly from the record player in the corner. The sudden absence of clashing accents and silly giggles. The delicate snores of one puppy and the pitter patter of claws against hard flooring from the other. Those were the only sounds to be heard in the Jones’ household at night; silence radiated from every other room and what seemed like endless chatter had finally died down. Chin rested on arms which were folded on familiar chest and hazel eyes still gazed fondly at the sleeping male below her, Sahar vaguely aware of the fact her entire bodyweight was balanced on his. With those intoxicating brown eyes shielded from view, she couldn’t help but admire how peaceful he looked in his apparent unconscious state. Carefully, she leant forwards to press a soft kiss to his bare skin before turning her head to instead rest a cheek on her arms. Waves of hair had been scraped back into a high and messy ponytail due to the heat of the room, but obdurate ways prevented the girl from peeling herself away from Nolan despite avocado themed top and shorts already feeling like far too much material. A deep breath slipped past slightly parted lips in a sigh of both frustration and encouragement, the former making an appearance since the words that would soon cut the air could only be muttered once the boy was asleep. “Goodnight, baby,” Sahar began quietly as her own eyes fluttered shut, “I really love you a lot. So much. Tomorrow will be better.” Voice was louder than the night before and the smile tugging at her lips only showed the pride and sense of accomplishment she couldn’t help but feel.

No matter how hard or long Nolan’s day could be, he knew he’d always find his peace once he had Sahar in his arms and it never failed. Comfortable embrace making his racing mind slowly pace down until he was able to stop overthinking about everything that went down earlier. Lazy laughter would always find way off his lips whenever they were like this, talking about everything and nothing at the same time. Shirtless torso thankful for her warmth considering she was on top of him and stronger arms always insisted on holding her close. But it was a fact that Nolan was tired and though he got used to pretend to be asleep just to hear her words, this time he closed his eyes from the exhaustion of earlier; vma’s practice, gym, walking the puppies and having the worst kind of argument got him like this however, deep down, he wished he wouldn’t sleep until hearing her again. And as he felt her lips against his skin he knew what was to come so he remained quiet, still, until her loving words got to him in the best way possible. Nolan would usually pretend he didn’t hear it but not this time. At that moment he couldn’t help but tighten up the embrace, keeping her with him. “I love you too.” A small, yet satisfied, smile took over his lips and he kept his eyes closed but the way he smiled made it obvious that he was awake. “A lot.” Continued and slid his hand up and down her back, in a slow caress.

[nolanislame]

proposal

To say Nolan was nervous was sugarcoating it. He used to get nervous when he got on stage, or when he had to perform a new song to someone, few things that used to make him a bit more anxious than usual, however that day was unlike any other day and, if he was lucky enough, it’d change his life for good. Had everything planned to wake before she did and as she slept he spread some post-its all over the small house he rented for the weekend. The first one glued to a tray with some toasts, some pieces of watermelon, a smoothie and coffee – everything he thought she might want to eat. Handwritten “good morning, angel.” and a little heart by it. On the way to the bathroom another post-it, “i hope you slept well.”, and three new ones glued to the mirror: “i just wanted to tell you”, “that i love you” and “and you look beautiful”. Purposely, he put the next ones in the direction of the garden, on the hallway, “and”, “i want to”, “make you happy”. And the last one glued to the door that lead to the garden “forever.” with a smiling face drawn. He expected she’d open the garden’s door, since there was no other note on the rest of the house, and there he was. With social clothes, grey pants and a white buttoned shirt with the first two buttons opened, as he liked to use but barefoot, contrasting with his clothes. There were flowers everywhere, all kind of flowers, both on the floor and inside small and big vases and there was a path of petals that lead to him, right in the center of the beautiful garden. His heart was racing and his hands were cold for how nervous he was, both hands tucked inside his pockets and one of them playing with the small case that held the ring. He had this ring with him for so long and it was finally possibly happening. From the start, his breathing was hearable and brown eyes rested closed for seconds, just to open at the slight sign of the door opening. Among the flowers uncountable declarations with the small post-its, all kinds of compliments Nolan had already said to Sahar and some of them even had bits of their talks or part of Nolan’s lyrics that he wrote for her. There was Sahar all over the place, and all over and inside him.

Brighton, UK. There were few places which could compare to the golden sands and familiar feel of home, yet this little town had worked its way deep into Sahar’s heart. It seemed only apt that the seaside destination was one of the first places that the two of them visited alone despite it being a work-based trip. As the world became dark and unconsciousness took over, the girl couldn’t have felt any happier or more at peace than she did in that moment, managing to whisper a quiet ‘i love you’ before drifting off to sleep. Waking up, however, was a different story. The absence of warmth and comfort was enough to have the girl forcing tired eyes open, slow blinks attempting to clear the sleep out of a clouded view. And as the sun shone through it struck a spotlight to the empty space beside her and the tray which took the usual figure’s place. Brows furrowed once everything was in focus and Sahar reluctantly sat up, rubbing hazel eyes, before a sweet smile spread over her face. Almost like a display of achievements, she reached for both the post-it and a slice of watermelon, grin only widening as she read the note and yet couldn’t help but roll her eyes. “Dork,” muttered under her breath and slipped on the t-shirt which lay crumpled on the floor, “Cute dork.” Feet padded across the carpet and out the door of the bedroom with sights set on the kitchen. Only, something caught Sahar’s focus out of the corner of her eye. Another post-it. There was a skip in her step as she hurried to read it, words triggering yet another smile, and as she pushed open the bathroom door, the joy only grew. Eyes, now wide awake, scanned the three notes before seeing herself in the mirror. The brunette cursed the way he managed to bring a heat to the surface of her cheeks through just a few simple words, but there was something else she noted - the way her smile spread all the way to her eyes, and it was reminiscent of every moment she spent with the boy. It was safe to say that excitement and inquisitiveness buzzed around each room she entered until spotting the virtual path made along the hallway. Dimples were obvious now and Sahar was certain they’d never been as prominent as they were right there, positively restless gaze forced to focus and take in every word written before landing on that final one. ‘Forever.’ Cautious hands cracked open the garden door and as if an internal alarm clock had sounded, butterflies in her stomach awoke with a determination to spread throughout her entire body. Heart was beating faster, tummy was tight and there was a certain pleasant lightheadedness about her. There was Nolan, stood within a man-made field of flowers, and bright eyes instantly landed on his. Those hazel eyes were wide as she peeled them away to admire what surrounded him. Sahar practically felt unworthy of the beauty laid out in front of her, but curiosity defeated the self-doubt and bare feet pattered across the concrete as waves of hair cascaded down her back. “Baby..” whispered almost in disbelief whilst eyes absorbed note after note. There was a sense of innocence, of childlike joy, which radiated from the girl as she finally looked back to him and the pattering instead made it’s way down the path of petals towards the person who had caused the beaming smile decorating her lips. “What in the stars is all of this?” Unbelievable happiness only made her accent stronger as she held out her hands towards him, soft kiss pressed to his lips once within reach, and the usual self-consciousness which came with only wearing a t-shirt and underwear had dissipated.

Every second felt like minutes and every minute like hours and as time went by, Nolan got more and more nervous, heavily breathing to try and contain the way his heart was pounding and his stomach was twitching. Couldn’t help but let his mind wander from the most amazing feelings to the worst and the possibilities of answers making him deep inhaling and shake his head to get rid of the scaring thoughts. And it was as if Sahar knew what went through his mind because the moment he opened his eyes back to stare at the door, it opened and the canadian clearly sighed with a small, yet mesmerized, smile taking over his lips. He was certain that Sahar would look amazing, no matter how she was, no matter when, however it was like she proved it over and over again to him, and brown eyes scanned her with care, widening his smile without even noticing it to the point it reached his eyes, curving it slightly. Had to bite the corner of his lips so he wouldn’t get ahead of himself and start talking while she was still observing everything he did and instead of following her gaze, his eyes wouldn’t leave her and every moment he was surer of what he was about to do – as if he had any doubts before. Tiled his head slightly, watching her every move with clear enchantment to his eyes, he could compare her to every and each flower from that garden but not even all of them joined together could be as beautiful and as amazing as her. Nothing could. As she made way to him, Nolan took his hands out of his pockets and waited for her to be closed enough so he would reach for her hands as soon as she touched him, pressing it slightly, cold fingers due his nervousness but an almost calm expression to his face, restless eyes noticing and memorizing every detail of her and even the way her lips moved as calling him baby. Couldn’t help but laugh at the way she spoke. “What in the stars…” It wouldn’t be Nolan if he didn’t mock her sayings although there was obvious love in the way he talked. Held back talking right away, kissing her back slowly, eyes taking a bit longer to open up again once their lips parted. It was time and his heart knew it before his mind, racing and beating as fast and strong as he could remember and after inhaling deeply, he started talking, in a low calm voice. “It’s been four months since we finally got together and I knew it, since the first kiss, that no one else in the world would ever get me like you do.” Snorted. “Fuck, I knew it every before that, I just didn’t want to believe it so deeply until I knew you felt the same as I did and, since that day, baby, every single day of my life has been the best one so far and it’s all because of you.” Could feel his voice trembling softly and his hands holding hers a bit tighter. “You’re literally the best person I know, my favorite person in the world, and every minute I spend with you it’s more clear to me that I don’t want to live a single hour without having you, without being yours.” He paused for a bit. Nolan knew how much cheesy he was, how lame and yet not even the thought of it could stop him for making the next move. Released her hands slowly, not wanting to let it go just now, but soon left hand reached for her small, light blue package in his pocket at the same time Nolan got on one knee, opening little jewelry box to show the engagement ring, an oval tiffany and co’s platinum and diamond 77 carat. “Sahar Michäli, will you marry me and make me the happiest man on earth?” Nolan wasn’t easily emotional but as his words came out of his lips, he felt his eyes watering slightly and his heart could jump out of his chest at any second now.

Brows knitted ever so slightly as their hands slotted together like the last two pieces of a jigsaw, yet it felt like fire touching ice, her usually cool hands feeling like flames against his even cooler fingers. Irrational conclusions could’ve been easy to draw if it weren’t for the clear love in his written words and the way he got her heart beating from a simple glance. To Sahar, nothing was more beautiful than the way Nolan smiled through his eyes - just one more thing to keep her hooked and addicted. As though attempting to imitate the flowers scattered around the garden, a pink flush tainted smooth skin under his gaze like a school girl talking to their crush. Because, no matter how much more in love she fell each day, she would always have that innocent infatuation. Mimicking his mocking tone was natural and the faux Canadian accent almost matched it, tongue barely poking out between a teeth-baring smile that couldn’t even convey half of the joy she was already feeling. Doe eyes couldn’t focus on just one thing as they flittered between face and hands, noting the way his heart beat inbetween, and scatterbrained mind attempted to pinpoint what exactly was going on. The moment that familiar voice broke the air again, Sahar settled her gaze back on his face, listened intently to the words he spoke. Teeth chewed harshly on the inside of her cheek to try to hold back the beaming smile that continuously threatened to overcome her entire face, whilst the heat from her cheeks appeared to melt into the rest of her body. Hands continued to warm and the knot in her stomach felt it too. Each and every word resonated with one of the girl’s own feelings and flashbacks from that night in Hawaii felt clear as day; from the way her head spun in reaction to their first kiss all the way to the unnecessary tears she’d shed and how close she came to sabotaging the both of them. She wanted to agree. Wanted to rant and gush about the way Nolan made her feel but, for once, she was fully aware that it was her time to stay silent. Containing every word, smile, kiss… it all had her fidgeting and restless, hands fiddling with his and heels tapping on the floor, allowing herself to go up onto her toes and down again as the warm and sweet smile broke through her defences. Still, the pause allowed her to whisper a few quiet words, “You’re always mine and I’m always yours,” before gleaming eyes dropped to their parting hands and a pout fell upon her lips. A split second of confusion took over at the sight of something blue, but that puzzlement was soon cut short, two small hands didn’t hesitate to clamp over her mouth, agape and with nothing to say. Tears instantly pricked at now glassy eyes and it didn’t take long for a single one to slip past, followed by another, and then another. Sahar nodded rapidly as she tried to find her voice, not being able to stop glancing between the ring and his face, pure joy breaking through the tears. “Yes,” confirmation was quiet and muffled by her own hands which she knew she needed to tear away from her lips, “Yes, oh my god, yes. Forever yes.” It was truly impossible to prevent the happiness from radiating as she spoke, words clumsily tumbling out whilst her skin began to shine. Right forearm continued to cover an evergrowing grin and heels were even more restless against the floor. No feeling could compare to this. It was a new kind of felicity that overcame her entire being. A new kind of felicity to represent a whole new stage in life with the person she couldn’t deny she was so deeply in love with. Knees bent in order to steal tiny kiss after kiss, no care for the salt she could taste, as both hands cupped his face like he could disappear any moment. “I am the luckiest. Girl. To ever. Exist.” Laughed softly against his lips before reluctantly peeling herself away, right arm back in front of her face as she couldn’t help but feel some level of diffidence.

Remembered when he was just a boy and his father used to say the longest time he’d ever wait in his life are those few seconds between asking someone to marry him and waiting for the answer. For a long time, Nolan thought that was an overstatement however everything made sense now, it really was the longest seconds of his life. The anticipation that build up his expectations were enough to make him, once again, think about every scenario. The musician thought about every possible outcome and how he’d deal with a denial, no matter how much consciously he knew that was to happen and Sahar showed, in the way she reacted, the way she blushed and the surprise in her eyes, that his thoughts were in no way reasonable or even believable enough, still it was stronger than him. It was the most important question he ever made to someone and Nolan knew, just as much as he knew Sahar thought so too, that it wasn’t merely a proposal. It wasn’t just him asking her to marry him, that was Nolan asking and hoping Sahar would agree to share a whole life by his side, ups and downs, goods and bads. Every detail of Sahar looks and personality and mind were amazing to him and he honestly, though it looked like it was too soon, only he knew how long he’d been waiting to finally do it. To finally propose. Always strong willed, Nolan meant every word and every single promise he made on his own head, to stay by her side no matter what, to the rest of their days, were real. They were real. And he felt lucky and special. Her words right before he kneeled came as a confirmation to ease his heart a little bit though it was not enough to actually calm him down. Sincerely, nothing would be enough to calm his thoughts, heart, stomach. It was one good kind of anxiety and he’d never forget how that felt. A tiny, yet passionate, laugh found way out of his lips as soon as both of Sahar’s hand reached for her mouth. Was never naïve, he knew that it was a good reaction and that, at least for a couple seconds, soothed his heart a little bit more. Nolan could create a whole universe with Sahar’s details, could spend hours and hours and hours looking at her, falling in love with her smile once again and being fascinated by everything she was and did; Sahar was living poetry. It was as if a switch wiped away all of his fears, in the exactly moment she said yes. The most beautiful word in English dictionary. Her voice would reverberate inside his mind for years and he’d always remember the way she spoke, the way she looked, and how not even stubborn tears were enough to take away one single hint of her beauty. If Nolan thought he knew what true happiness was before this, he now realized he would never completely understand it if she hadn’t said yes. Joy took over all of him and as his shoulders relaxed – he didn’t even notice how tense they were – his smile became even bigger than the usual. Sighed in both bliss and relief and free hand was attracted to the nape of her neck as soon as she approached, pulling her for a bit longer so the kiss would linger a little more. As she pulled away, the canadian slowly stood up and as he did, free arm embraced her waist lovingly, joining their bodies so his lips would reach hers once again. Nolan closed his eyes as serene as it was possible, kissing her unhurriedly and sometimes just having the pleasure that was feeling her mouth against his. Brushed his nose with hers and as he parted lips once again, a small laughter escaped him; he was way to happy to refrain from laughing and smiling and giggling, he was overflowing with cheerfulness and he was sure that wouldn’t stop anytime soon. “Can I?” Took the ring out of the little box, offering his hand to ask for hers, so he could put the ring on her finger. His breathing was noticeable, chest going up and down for as much excitement he had inside him and he ignored the two or three small tears that ran down his face.

[nolanislame]

backstage

Although Nolan was very sentimental, it was extremely rare for him to actually cry, overall because most of the time he was joking around even when singing deep songs of his own. This time, on the other hand, after talking to the students he felt how important the lyrics of his song was and couldn’t help but cry a bit. Unfortunately, he even lost one performance or other while talking to the teenagers but right after he searched for Sahar with reddened eyes after crying. As soon as his eyes rested on her, he smiled and walked towards the girl; his fancy clothes were already gone and he’d stay with his signature hoodie. Seeing her turned her back at him, he embraced her by the waist and gave her a little peck on warm neck. “Hi beautiful, why aren’t you up there singing?” Whispered near her ear, a small smile widening in his lips. And he meant it. Nolan was really enchanted by her voice and her completely.

Waves of hair cascaded down Sahar’s back as she stood alone backstage, having just finished speaking to one of the production team. The short but glistening dress caught the light with every movement and had the girl far out of her comfort zone, as did all of these events, but being able to witness Nolan on stage was worth it every single time. Her reputation of being soft and sensitive even followed her here and it was evident from the way her makeup artist had rushed to touch her up after the performance. Now, the instant Sahar felt arms around her waist, anxieties escaped her body. A wide smile spread across her face all the way up to her eyes as she pressed her lips together to prevent the quiet laugh from leaving. “I think I might start with performances a lil smaller than televised award shows, baby.” The girl teased, voice barely above a whisper whilst she relaxed into his hold for a moment, “I could ask you the same thing, though. Why aren’t you still up there?” It was after that question when she turned her head to look at him, pressing her lips against his cheek for a few lingering seconds, not even pulling back to speak, “How come you get to stay in comfy clothes, eh?”

Being this close to Sahar would always be one of Nolan’s favorite thing, inhaling her perfume while closing his eyes so he could feel her warmth better, hands pulling her even closer and soon enough he gave her a small peck on her neck. His fingers searched for hers, interlacing them and caressing the back of her hands with his thumbs. “I think you should start on award shows, since your voice is just as good as those on the stage tonight.” Moved his head slightly to point to the actual stage and giggled in lower voice right after. “Oh, so you didn’t want me here with you, is that so?” Asked playfully although his voice remained low since they were close enough. Smiled a bit wider as soon as she looked at him, brown eyes focusing on hazel ones before closing to feel the small kiss. “Guess they pity me walking around with suits…” Whispered, turning his head slightly so his lips would meet hers, kissing her slowly. “But you look amazing, look at you!” Released one of her hands so he could make her spin for him to look at her outfit. “Gorgeous.” Spoke softly pulling her close once again but being face to face with her. “Still think you should be performing today, it’d be my favorite performance!” Couldn’t help but smile while speaking.

Nolan’s ability to make Sahar instantly feel safe and at ease with most situations - the way his touch was so soothing but still so electric - was something that she’d never get over or take for granted. Even now, the small peck and the thumb over the back of her hand was enough to have her smiling to herself in appreciation. “My voice is not on par with /the/ Augustus Feder, Jones. I won’t listen to this slander.” The girl’s voice was teasing in tone and it was clear that her comment was made out of humour when a quiet laugh followed her words. “You know full well that I’d have koala’d you on that stage if I could’ve..” Tongue came out to swipe over soft lips as she studied his face, eyes trained on that smile she adored so much. She couldn’t help but roll her eyes as Nolan mentioned his suit and she gave his hand a gentle squeeze. “I hate that you look so good in both suits and hoodies - that’s unfair.” The kiss prevented her from pouting only until it was over, and then her lower lip was jutted out again even as she turned. The flush of colour which took over the brunette’s face was one which consistently managed to overcome her attempts at containing it whenever he complimented her; it was as though she was a shy school girl with a crush all over again. A quiet giggle escaped parted lips as her eyes avoided his. “I’m practically your height now and that’s the one positive right here,” it was at this point that she looked back to his eyes, a small hand coming up to softly cup his cheek. “You cried, didn’t you?”

Although Nolan felt very comfortable on stage, knowing that Sahar was watching him all along made him feel even more at peace, as if nothing could go wrong as long as he could search for her beautiful eyes across the crowd. Started laughing as she emphasized the way she spoke about Gus and shook his head. “Neither is mine! No one’s is!” Nolan and Gus’ musical style were pretty different from each other, still he recognized the awesome artist the other man was and couldn’t disagree about his voice being out of this world. Shrugged with a small smile tainting his lips. “I wish you did, I told you to do it already, I’d sing everything holding you in my arms!” It was impossible to keep a straight face as he said all that, knowing very well how impossible it’d be for them to be together on stage, even if his fans liked her the way they do. Raised both eyebrows at her. “What?! How’s that unfair? You look gorgeous no matter what you’re dressing too, so there’s that!” It didn’t take him long enough to get back to smiling – it was easy to smile next to her. Seeing her blushing was enough for his heart to be warm and his free hand touched her face with care while his other arm embraced her waist, pulling her close once again. Honestly, as much as Nolan was interested on the other performances, all his attention was Sahar’s and nothing could change it. “Almost there, almost my height.” Both arms wrapped around her waist and he smile became sweeter with the touch of her hand on his face. “Cried? Of course not, I never cry…” He didn’t even try to convince that his words were true, considering that he had cried just now. “A little bit, maybe.” Rested his forehead of hers, brown eyes restless noticing every detail of her face.

It was easy for anyone to feel pride when watching Nolan on stage - from people who had barely heard his name before to the people closest to him. This performance was no exception. The butterflies which appeared to permanently live inside Sahar seemed to move up to her chest whenever he sang and she could never help the huge smile and blush which tinted her skin. The silence spoke for her as it accompanied raised brows, hazel eyes failing to leave his despite the smile breaking out over her face. Any attempts to stay serious were always foiled by a single glance at the taller male. “Actually, I think your voice is, just in a different way!” Finally, she spoke up, a soft kiss being pressed against his cheek. “Uh huh, and how are you gonna play your guitar if you’re holding me, Jones?” The question was presented with that playful attitude which came so naturally to the girl and was only intensified by being around Nolan. Sometimes Sahar found herself zoning out as the male spoke, the words not really being words anymore but just the sound of his voice forcing a wide smile on her lips and a calmness instilled in her. It took a physical shake of the head to bring her back out of her own little world where she tried to piece together what he’d been saying. “I look my best when I’m covered in seventeen layers of makeup and wearing a fancy dress which takes at least six people to get me into.” Poking out her tongue towards him, Sahar closed her eyes, allowing her sense of touch to be the only one active as he gently touched her skin, “I promise I’ll buy stilts one day.” A thumb softly traced a small path across the skin of his cheek as she waited for his unconvincing denial to end, her smile becoming more subtle and private whilst she quickly kissed his nose, “I think you meant to say ‘a lot’, baby.”

Couldn’t help but let a small laugh slide as he shook his head in disagreement. Not in a million years Nolan had the expectation to sing as Augustus but it was endearing the way Sahar spoke. “You have to say that!” Filled with playfulness, he insisted on using the same words the girl used to use with him most times he complimented her. His laughter became a bit bigger and he made use of her proximity to muffle the sound of it, touching her shoulder with his lips. “As long as i can touch you...” It was easy for Nolan to make a bunch of non-dirty things sound dirty. “You know I can’t keep my hands still.” Shrugged. His eyes insisted on scanning her, but mostly her face, whenever Sahar smiled it was if the sun itself was illuminating him and he couldn’t help but smile back. Playfully rolled her eyes once she said how she looked better and purposely licked the tip of her tongue with the tip of his in response for her showing “You look your best at all times, but when you’re naked and when you just woke up and you look at me are my favorites.” His voice was low, intimate, as if they weren’t on a big show like this one. “You don’t need that, you’re perfect.” Whispered as his head leaned against her hand once she caressed his face, almost childishly, twitching his nose before smiling wider with the small kiss. “Nuh uh, just a tiny bit.”

A look of mock offence spread easily across a previously grinning face as Sahar pressed her hands flat against his chest, pushing away with barely any strength behind them. “Are you mocking me? When I’m being so nice to you?” Despite the dramatics, the girl kept her voice quiet considering their propinquity and the number of people moving around them. Tongue tucked between teeth in yet another smile as soon as she heard and felt the vibrations of Nolan’s laughter. It required too much self-control to contain her own and it broke free as soon as those words left his lips. “You can touch me always and whenever, baby.” Retorted, the tone of naivety strong in her statement as though she herself was unaware of the way any of it sounded and accompanied by that reoccuring innocent smile. Eyes crossed for a split second as the girl attempted to follow his tongue, blinking several times to clear them before shifting her gaze back to his face, cheeks flushed with warmth. “Mhm, I can relate to that, but I gotta add how you look when we’re in the bath together to my list of favourites.” The shrug which followed was small and nonchalant but her eyes continued to study his every expression. The Australian gently shook her head, waves of hair being disrupted from their set position. “Funny; i’m pretty sure the whites of your eyes aren’t usually red, you know.”

“Me? Mocking you? I’d never.” Happiness dripped from his words as he spoke while smiling and brown eyes almost closed at the way he used to laugh and smile with her. “I can touch you always and whenever, eh?” Opposite to Sahar, nearly as a pattern, his works came out almost vulgar, small smirk tugging on his lips as his eyes scanned her body completely, without any disguise, glancing back to hazel eyes. The amount of effect Sahar had over Nolan was funny and his hand slid over her back, pressing against her lower back to join their bodies even more. Touched her ear slightly. “If you keep talking about these things with this innocent girl act voice, I will have to get you out of here.” Whispered, his smirk was clear by the way he spoke, no hint of masking the real lascivious intentions behind his words. As if he said nothing, he kissed her cheek and smiled at her. “I don’t think you notice my eyes that much.” Mocked, a fun smile over his lips.

“Me? Mocking you? I’d never.” Happiness dripped from his words as he spoke while smiling and brown eyes almost closed at the way he used to laugh and smile with her. “I can touch you always and whenever, eh?” Opposite to Sahar, nearly as a pattern, his works came out almost vulgar, small smirk tugging on his lips as his eyes scanned her body completely, without any disguise, glancing back to hazel eyes. The amount of effect Sahar had over Nolan was funny and his hand slid over her back, pressing against her lower back to join their bodies even more. Touched her ear slightly. “If you keep talking about these things with this innocent girl act voice, I will have to get you out of here.” Whispered, his smirk was clear by the way he spoke, no hint of masking the real lascivious intentions behind his words. As if he said nothing, he kissed her cheek and smiled at her. “I don’t think you notice my eyes that much.” Mocked, a fun smile over his lips.

Nodding slowly, acting as though deep in thought for a moment, Sahar cocked her head to the side. “You really are the king of sarcasm - that’s your final form.” Things rarely felt serious between the two unless necessary and it was something she could never take for granted. The reaction was expected, but that didn’t stop the girl from swallowing as she felt his eyes over her body, lower lip being chewed on to contain her own smirk. Well aware of how they were essentially pressed together, Sahar crouched down to adjust the straps of her shoes, hazel eyes never leaving his entrancing brown ones. It was impossible now to prevent the corners of her lips from upturning and so she embraced it, offering him a small but knowing smile. “You know, baby,” She began, a little louder, and stood up straight again. A hand casually brushed against the front of his pants on its way to rest against Nolan’s chest, yet the expression on her face didn’t falter. “I’m just an innocent girl.” Shrugged her shoulders; if he was going to play that game, then she’d be sure to show that she could play it just as well. Since the girl never dropped eye contact, a wide smile spread back across her face, “What was that you said about not noticing your eyes?”

“Do I get my crown now or…?” To play along, he raised his chin slightly, though a king would act before laughing and looking back to beautiful eyes. For as much as they knew each other, Nolan really didn’t expect Sahar to tease him the way she was doing, in the middle of a lot of other workers around them. Observed her as if she was the best thing he ever watched but his eyes were immediately attracted to smaller hands touching him in such a teasingly way; she knew exactly what she was doing and he couldn’t help but smile suggestively at her. Instead of replying her right away, he raised on of his eyebrows to her words as stronger hands grabbed her by the waist, pulling her in his direction. “Come here, innocent girl.” Still took him a few seconds to actually move but soon he took her by the hand, taking her to a corridor that lead to one of the emergency exits, far away from curious eyes unless some accident happened. “Let test your innocence.” In a quick move, he pushed her against the wall, reaching for her thigh and sliding up, invading the fabric of her dress and didn’t hesitate to touch her over her underwear. His lips brushed over her ear slowly and his grin was almost audible. “How does it feel?” Hearing the sound of a busy place, that was right next to them, was enough to keep Nolan even more interested in her reactions.

This temporary burst of confidence was only enhanced by the way Nolan’s eyes appeared to be fixated, tongue poked between teeth in a cheeky grin as Sahar felt the grip on her waist. The buzz of workers moving around them and the more faint sound from the stage seemed to melt into background noise and the only thing which existed was the boy in front of her, his words louder than ever despite how quietly spoken. The anticipation and adrenaline had the girl squeezing his hand tighter, glancing behind them as they entered the corridor in a last assurance that nobody was following them. “Baby, you know how inno-..” Cut off by the feeling of the wall against warm skin, she couldn’t help but squeeze her thighs together. There hadn’t been much thought put into what happened past her teasing, but Sahar wasn’t ready to give it up just yet. Glitter coated eyes fluttered shut and hair fell behind her shoulders in a cascade down her back as a hand came up to rest again his neck, a sigh slipping past her lips. “Couldn’t even wait ’til we got home,” she retorted, tone teasing and smirk evident as she ignored his question. Determined to leave her own mark, the brunette dipped her head to press a kiss to his jaw, sucking slowly but strong enough to leave a darkened mark behind, teeth grazing over her work before smiling against his skin.

There weren’t enough words to describe how attracted he was, it was like every slight movement she made invaded his mind and made him forget every other thought that not exclusively her. The effect she had over him was indescribable and that was something only Sahar achieved; to make him completely dominated by her even when he was the one in charge. A suggestive smirk tugged on his lips as her words were cut off and brown eyes scanned her slowly, almost as if he was checking her, before fixating his eyes on hazel ones as he noticed the way she squeezed her thighs together. Unhurriedly, Nolan’s hand slid up her body, fingers ghosting over her belly, reaching for her breast and clasping it purposely with almost no strength at all. As she had her eyes closed, brown ones noticed every detail of her face once again, a small snort, almost lascivious, escaped him and he continued to go up with his hand, this time fingers brushing off her hair from her neck just so it’d make way to his lips. Leaned down, starting to kiss her neck with small bites and sucking on her skin – he couldn’t care less about the fact that they were still at a party and people would probably see the reddened marks on her. Moreover, the idea was arousing. As he felt her lips on his skin, he sighed in delight, smiling slightly; it was a both suggestive and sweet smile. “If I can’t wait to get home, that’s your fault, eh?” Spoke in a husky tone, his lips now close to her ear. Once again, his hand invaded her dress but he caressed her thigh. “C’mon, let me make you feel good.” Whispered, touching her ear with his mouth as he spoke.

[nolanislame]

rehab

The singer barely slept last night from exciting to finally meet Sahar after just a few days; even Nolan couldn't believe it has just been five days. Grabbed a couple hoodies, as he said he would and drove to the cottage and after being inspected by the security he walked straight to Sahar's room. Knocked twice and opened the door. "Busy?" As usual, he spoke playfully and smiled at her.

It was safe to say that the past few days hadn’t been the easiest or most favourable ones for Sahar, spending the majority of her time curled up on the floor with multiple blankets. However, now that the girl had been forced to accept the medication after withdrawals went too far, things were starting to look better. A groan left her lips upon hearing the knock at her door but the instant she heard that familiar voice, she rolled over and almost leapt off her bed. This new-found energy shouldn’t have been a surprise and yet she still found herself wondering where it’d come from as she practically jumped on the boy in the doorway without a hesitation.

The amount of research Nolan did about rehabs before gave him an idea of what Sahar would go through and honestly he wish he could do something, anything, to avoid her pain even if he knew it was something that only Sahar herself could deal with. Seeing her, though, brought him a big smile and without hesitation he dropped the backpack so his arms would embrace her immediately, rising her out of the floor and hiding his face on her neck with multiple small kisses. "I missed you so much!" His voice was muffled by her skin and his smile was almost audible.

Smaller arms wrapped tightly around his neck as though he wasn’t really there, as though he could slip through her fingers at any second like waking up from a daydream. Nolan was there, though, and for that split second Sahar forgot about every negative feelings she’d been holding onto. “You’re really here,” The girl beamed with a smile so big she didn’t even realise she was capable of, “I missed you all the time.” Her legs loosely wrapped around his for a few moments before a quiet laugh slipped into the air, “Never that long again, please?”

One of his hands reached for the back of her neck, pulling her even closer and he laughed as if smiling wasn't enough to show how happy he was to be with her. "I'm here!" Once again he was mesmerized by her smile as he slid hands, one arm embracing her waist and the other one to support her body. "Never that long again." Now that they could see each other more often, Nolan was completely sure that he wouldn't let five days go without seeing her. Kissed her lips slowly, smiling against soft mouth. "How are you, baby love?" Being absolutely aware that they had to be at the caregivers sight didn't stop Nolan from kicking the door of Sahar's room, taking her with him to the bed and sitting with her straddling her.

Every touch, smile, laugh. It was all somehow reminiscent of the first time she was able to be with Nolan once their feelings were out in the open; it still felt like a schoolgirl having a crush whilst being so much more. “He’s breaking the rules already, eh?” The comment was filled with sarcasm and the mock-Canadian accent was strong, yet the usual wide smile never left the girl’s face. Kissing him softly again, Sahar ran delicate fingers through his hair as she simply studied his face. “I’m not having my finest moment,” gestured to herself before adjusting the ponytail atop her head, “but it’s better than it has been!” Enthusiasm filled her tone and, although maybe exaggerated, was something she truly felt. A thumb moved down to run along his jaw as she cocked her head to the side, “I wanna know how you are instead, though.”

While they were apart Nolan couldn't point out what was hurting or annoying him the most, but having the girl in his arms again made him feel complete and he finally understood that he felt incomplete without Sahar. "Just a lil!" Terrible australian accent dropped of his lips and he couldn't help but smile wider at her. Hands restless sliding from her back to her waist to her thigh and back again, slowly caressing her to feel that they were really together again. It was somewhat pathetic how Nolan couldn't deal being without Sahar for five days, but he didn't care. "You look gorgeous, though!" Happiness illuminated the canandian's face as soon as he noticed the enthusiasm on her voice. "I've been pretty good, all usual Nolan's days, my fans keep sending you kisses."

When Nolan had left the cottage in the first place, Sahar knew it would be hard to not see him everyday, yet nothing could have truly prepared her for how difficult it would really be. There was no doubt that there’d been enough distractions but the boy was still always at the forefront of her mind - something she couldn’t really complain about. Another loud laugh slipped past pursed lips and left the girl burying her face in her hands for a few moments whilst the pink tint of her cheeks disappeared. “How does being around me make your accent even worse?” Questioned with disbelief, she couldn’t help the smirk on her face. Eyebrows raised as her thumb continued to trace his skin, comforting and familiar. “You’re lucky I showered! You wouldn’t have been saying that yesterday.” The girl’s nose wrinkled up in emphasis before the smile tugging at her lips took over yet again. “Your fans might all be teenage girls but they’re kind of precious, y’know.”

There it was. Nolan’s favorite sound. Even if he was a specialist in accents he’d still get australian accent wrong just to see her laughing and it was clear in his face how mesmerized by her he was, eyes lightened up with the sight of her laughter and silly smile taking over his lips at all times. “You ruin my australian accent because you’re a real australian so I can fool you, but my faux accent is great!” Insisted as he laughed slightly. “You even showered for me?! Wow, and people say romance is dead!” Although he joked, couldn’t help but feel a minor pain in his chest to the idea of Sahar not even being able to shower in that place, still he kept his smile and touched her face with care, bringing her a bit closer so he could kiss her softly without lingering it for now. “You are precious, but then again you’re one of my teenage fans, so I guess you’re right?” Pulled her a bit closer, as if it was possible, arms wrapping around her waist and his nose brushed against her neck right before giving her a couple of slow kisses. “I will stay here, hide me in your closet.” Whispered, lips touching her skin as he spoke.

Every detail of the boy’s face seemed to be memorised and carved deep in Sahar’s mind, where reading his expressions became easier by the day. It left her with a shy feeling, one you’d get when a crush looked your way, and had those hazel eyes dropping for a moment and soft lips pressed together in a wide smile. That was part of the honeymoon feeling, one which Sahar was certain would never end between them. The protests which left his lips snapped the girl out of her daze as she now rolled her eyes back up to his, raised brows showing complete scepticism. “Huh, I don’t know about that.. I have some friends who do /great/ aussie accents. Way better than you.” Poking her tongue out towards him in her usual fashion, she pressed a few light kisses to his jaw. “I know how much you like me and everything but I don’t think I’d be sitting on your lap if I was as gross as I was yesterday.” Now that the brunette was beginning to feel slightly better, it was easier to joke about, but she was painfully aware of how bad of a state she was in just this time yesterday. A shake of the head swiftly got rid of those thoughts and she focused back in on the boy in front of her, eyes closing at the gentle touches. “I’m now one of your adult fans, unfortunately,” Voice was playful, “I can’t be precious anymore.” Arms draped around his neck served as a reminder of the fact he was really there. Missing him for five days had felt more like five weeks and had her appreciating this time more than ever. “You could hide me in your backpack and sneak me out.” Dainty fingers found their way into his hair, “So much simpler.”

Being with her was like a dream come true, which was ironic, considering Nolan had her in his bed just a few days before however every morning that he woke up, searched for her and couldn’t find her, he felt an inexplicable cold, almost as if it was winter and Sahar’s warmth was the only thing that could help him. Mimicked an offended expression as soon as she spoke, frowning slightly. “How dare you?! I will never ever do australian accent again!” Both of them knew that Nolan wasn’t serious about it in any way and even if there was the minimum doubt he smiled right after, not letting it linger. The canadian wasn’t completely sure about how she was before, even though he made numberless researches to understand everything about it, he was pretty aware that everyone had their own experience but the idea of Sahar being unable to do anything was hurtful enough for Nolan to almost regret convincing her to check in the facility. Almost. “I think you would.” Shrugged with a sweet smile towards her; one thing was certain: Nolan wouldn’t be apart from her, no matter what happened or how she’d be. “Can’t believe you’re all grown up!” Mockery slipped through his lips naturally and he bit softly her skin before pulling away from her neck so their eyes would meet once again. “Don’t say it twice, I might do it.” Both hands cupped her face, touching her lips with his in a slow yet superficial kiss. “I’ve missed you a bit.” His voice was clearly playful considering how much he has been missing her.

[nolanislame]

angst. 3

Last night had been a mess and here it was, the next day, still causing even more of a mess. Sahar couldn't even deny how much of a mess that fight had left her and she'd been so weirdly grateful to have not run into Nolan again that night; you could even say that she thought it was all over. Of course it wasn't. So she was stood outside her boyfriend's house, backpack over shoulders and arms folded across her chest. Even her body language gave away that something wasn't right between the two of them - usually so open and pleasant. One hand raised to knock on the apartment door before slipping back into its original position. "Nolan, hurry up." Sahar called through the door with a quick glance over her shoulder.

He hated feeling jealous. Since Nolan was younger he was proud to say that jealously was an ugly feeling that he didn't feel, or so he thought. He never loved someone as much as he loved Sahar and maybe that was a game changer for his all pride on not feeling jealousy. And everything happened so fast in Nolan's life, that he couldn't even tell how the heck the paparazzis already knew something had happened and it also annoyed him; not because the paparazzis per say used to annoy him, but he knew how much Sahar hated that kind of attention and it was impossible no to feel guilty. As soon as he heard the knock, he hushed to the door, letting her in. His usual silly smile wasn't on his face, or any kind of smile, he was serious, clearly moody. "Sorry about that." He pointed outside, although he didn't really know if someone saw her.

The door was barely open before Sahar was slipping through and letting out a breath she wasn't aware she was holding. No matter how frustrated she felt in that moment, she couldn't help but feel thankful to be away from the eyes of the paparazzi. "Thanks." She mumbled and leant on the wall nearby the front door. Usually things were so natural and his home felt like her home, but right now, she had no idea what to do with herself. The arms folded over her chest were more defensive than anything and created a physical barrier to go with her mental one. "Can't wait to see those headlines." Her voice dripped with sarcasm which she probably should've contained, and yet her smile matched that tone of voice.

Honestly, Nolan was feeling minimally better, texting didn't show feelings and seeing how Sahar was he could noticed that it was a hard afternoon for her too. He wasn't happy about her feeling bad at all, but his insecurities were dimmed a bit. He didn't know what to do, his heart was aching and his head was hurting and he wanted to make things right from one minute to another, but he knew that was impossible. Not knowing how to behave, he put his hands inside the pockets of his sweatpants. It was naturally uncomfortable being awkward with someone and even worse with Sahar and he was out of words, until she spoke. He snorted but there was zero humor in his acts. "Headlines are always great." His tone was similar to hers. He grew used to ignore headlines but he didn't want it to splash on her. "Anyways..." Again, he didn't know what to say and he felt bad at the moment he actually spoke, sighing and looking down, nibbling at the corner of his lips as a sign of anxiety.

This wasn’t a nice atmosphere to share with anyone, especially with the person that Sahar knew she loved, even if she wasn’t ready to admit it yet. Still, it was somewhat comforting to know that the feeling was clearly mutual. The roll of the eyes was almost automatic when he snorted and she practically scoffed in reply, but instantly her face fell. Sahar tilted her head back to look up at the ceiling, her head resting against the wall. A few moments of silence flew by before she was sighing. “We have to actually talk about this, otherwise you’re just gonna get moody again.” She wanted to sound strong, stubborn even, but instead she sounded defeated. That wasn’t far off of how she felt already. It would’ve been so much easier to find a way to just sweep it under the carpet; unfortunately the easiest way wasn’t usually the right way. Clearing her throat, she stood up straighter. “Say it, yell it, whatever you need to do. Just get it off your chest.”

Although it was dramatic even for Nolan's head, being weird on Sahar's presence made everything black and white. He was overwhelmed, not only he was jelous, but he was also insecure and ashamed of this acting out; Nolan could be very stubborn but it was easy admiting it to himself that he was indeed acting out. He raised his eyes to her face once she called it as it was: he was being moody, and being uncovered right at the spot made him blush slightly. "I'm not going to yell at you. Ever." He had a strong tone on his voice making sure that he left no place for doubts. It was hard for Nolan to assume how jealous he was and all the silly reasons behind it. Rationally speaking, he knew Sahar liked him and he trusted her completely, still Nolan never was the popular boy, he never was the pretty boy and Jake, well, Jake might as well be taken right out of a models catalogy. "Do you still have any feelings for him?" His mind was full on questions, on things to say, and it even surprised himself that he went ahead and asked the most vulnerable thing he could ask. He was so disappointed at himself for being this insecure that he averted his gaze from her face again.

Just the firmness in Nolan’s voice was enough to have Sahar’s eyes darting away for a second. Most people would yell, at least most people the girl had previously encountered, and this was a welcome change. Milo’s words ran through her head over and over again. It was all about being honest, getting everything out there in the air. Hearing his question, Sahar sighed and ran a hand back through her before pushing away from the wall. She tentatively approached him and cupped his cheeks in her significantly smaller hands, hoping it was enough to get him to look at her again. “I lost feelings for him a good while ago, okay?” Before now, she hadn’t even thought about the possibility of Nolan being insecure, not with how she saw him, but the question made it so much clearer. “You know when I lost feelings? When he practically dropped me for someone else and I realised I wasn’t shit to him. I realised I deserved more than that and that he never really felt that way for me in the first place.” Her voice stayed quiet and once she’d finished speaking, her hands dropped from his face. A few steps backwards was all it took for her to return to where she previously stood, backpack flush against the wall. “When we argued, yesterday, the best point he had was that he never felt anything for me and that he probably knew my kinks better than you do. Even that tells you how much better of a person you are, and I could list reasons for that all day.”

He was pleasantly surprised as soon as she touched his face, widening his eyes a little bit, but not even for a second he tried to move from her hands. As she explained her previous relationship and how it ended, Nolan nodded in understanding. As usual, his eyes were restless, checking her face for even the smallest expression but always drawn to her eyes. It was in a quick movement that he reached for her hands before she drifted apart completely, holding the smaller hands with care, Nolan fingers were cold and that was just another proof of how nervous he got earlier. He stared at her for a couple seconds after shrugging to himself, inhaling deeply. Overall, Nolan used to be bluntly honest and he owed that much to Sahar, since she was being nothing more than patient and nice to him despite the atmosphere that surrounded them. "I really love you." He knew it was the first time he actually said it, reason why his voice was more serious than the usual. "And I'm terrified you'll grow old of the..." He snorted in self-deprecation. "... 'good guy aesthetic'." Even his voice sounded mocking. "I'm never gonna be the bad guy that makes things exciting at all times and keeps you wondering what's happening next I..." He shushed and sighed. "This, this right here and what you saw early is all you're gonna see bad from me and I'm really scared you'll get bored." He was way too stubborn to actually cry, but he felt a sick feeling on his stomach.

A soft sigh escaped Sahar’s lips as her eyes dropped down to fixate on their hands. Even that didn’t feel like normal. There was still care and love in the action, but the atmosphere definitely put a dampener on that, at least to Sahar. Those four words, however, had her quickly searching for his eyes as if to check the sincerity behind them. Of course she’d seen them written down, he’d mentioned it over texts, but hearing those words out loud was a whole different level. It both scared and amazed her simultaneously. “Nolan,” she almost scoffed, shaking her head in disbelief, “I don’t know if you’ve forgotten, but we were kind of best friends before all of this. I know what you’re like, I know who you are, and that’s exactly why I caught feelings.” At first, it didn’t make sense to her. Plenty of times she’d forget that she wasn’t the only one who suffered with insecurities and this was definitely a wake up call to how false that belief was. “I don’t want someone who makes me doubt their feelings at least once a week and I don’t want someone I’ll have to worry about all the time. I don’t want to think about someone not coming home to me. I’ve been there before and it’s nowhere near as fun as movies make it out to be.” Sahar laughed softly before taking in a deep breath, “I want you and your softness and your lame moments. I want you as you are which is a freaking good person and I adore that about you. I want everything and the moody moments that come along with it. I want /you/.” By this point, her gaze had wandered away from him again, but she gave his hands a squeeze once she’d finished speaking.

Although Nolan knew that he could've declared himself at a better moment, he stood for what he said and he didn't even think of looking away once he noticed her eyes searching for his. It was hard to actually keep in mind that they were, indeed, best friends before anything happened between them, so once she said it, he snorted and this time it was a real one. Little by little his heart stopped racing as much as it was before and his breathing was getting back to normal. His talkative personality was set aside for the time being and Nolan found himself quieter than he thought he'd be even at moments like that one but again Sahar was the first real relationship of his and he was still learning even how he acted. As Sahar spoke he was slowly getting calmer. Obviously he wouldn't somehow be self confident from one moment to another but her words surely helped him to feel better about himself. But then again, Sahar always did. His thumbs caressed her hands slowly and once she finished speaking, he pulled her closer and released her hands so he could hug her, hiding his face on the side or her neck. "I'm so sorry." He whispered muffled and was glad that his face was out of her sight since he was so ashamed at the tantrum he threw and was pretty sure he was blushing. He hugged her tightly afraid of letting her go.

This whole situation could’ve gone so much worse and Sahar was fully aware of it, especially considering she had come expecting just that. The deep exhale that came seconds after she was pulled into a hug was one of complete relief. Sure, she knew those insecurities would still be there, but now that she was acquainted with them, she’d know for the future. Sahar let out an almost silent laugh that she was sure he’d be able to feel as she pushed her hands through his hair. “Don’t apologise.” Her voice still wasn’t much above a whisper but her fingers rubbed gentle circles against his scalp. A few moments later she was hugging him almost as tight as he was holding her. “I understand it, completely. You have nothing to apologise for.” And she meant it. Sahar knew that there’d be countless times in the future where her own thoughts would get in the way, just like they’d already done before, so this was something she could never think twice about. Pressing quick kisses to his head, wherever she could reach, she closed her eyes. “Apparently I still need to learn about opening up without being prompted, huh?” She teased, letting out another quiet laugh.

He visibly relaxed once she accepted the hug willingly and began stroking his hair, sighing deeply. "I do..." Suddenly, that whole day came to his mind at once. "I treated you so badly, I'm sorry." An almost silent laughter escaped his expressions and he brushed his nose on her neck slowly. He finally smiled as he felt her kisses and started to kiss her neck at a slow pace. "Apparently, yes..." His laughter followed hers. "But I still need to learn to actually speak instead of being a grumpy baby." She couldn't see, but he rolled his eyes at himself, Nolan was very much aware of how difficult he could be when he was nervous or mad. "Hey..." He started, kissing her neck once again and then making a trail of kisses until he touched her lips with his. "I know we already call each other that and all, but I really want to make this official, so..." He didn't know why his heart begun to race this much again, even because that was something that was already happening between them. "Would you be my girlfriend?" Nolan rested his hands on her waist and spoke with his lips over hers, moving it slightly as the words came out of his lips.

A frown tugged at her brows when he apologised again and so she gently stood on his foot since he’d be unable to see that. “You didn’t treat me badly, you just got grumpy.” Sahar corrected matter-of-factly. She knew how stubborn she could be at times and this was clearly one of them, refusing to accept that he needed to apologise. “I just hate to think how we’d be if I was petty enough to have stayed home rather than come and see you.” A content sigh accompanied a small shrug of the shoulders as he kissed her neck - it seemed as though it didn’t matter how often he did it, she had the same reaction. Her eyes were still closed even as he spoke up again, her raised eyebrows being the only indication that she was listening. She tried to follow his lips when they moved away from her but his words had her eyes flying open, a smile settled on her face. “Of. Course. I’ll. Be. Your. Girlfriend.” Sahar muttered, pressing quick kisses all over his face to punctuate each word. Saying it out loud caused the butterflies in her stomach to flutter and the smile on her lips to grow.

He pushed his foot away a bit, laughing because of it. “I got grumpy…” Truth was that Nolan couldn’t deny that fact, he could get really grumpy or moody whenever things got out of his hands and it was something he wanted to change about himself, but he had a really long road ahead of him. “Let’s not thing of it…” He whispered shaking his head. The thought of being in conflict with Sahar for longer than a couple hours was enough to make him feel bad. Nolan tried to rationalize his feelings once he felt anxious for her answer, he had no reasons to doubt it, but as soon as she replied a huge smile appeared on his face and he kissed her back at every spot he could reach on her face. “My girlfriend.” He repeated it to sink it in and sighed pleased and as he could be pretty possessive at times his hand reached her nape, pressing it with care. “Mine.” Couldn’t help but speaking with a little smirk leaning in to kiss her, his eyes closing. The arm that wrapped her waist made sure to pull her closer and he tilted his head slightly so he could intensify the kiss, tongue searching for hers.

Sahar gave him another tight squeeze and let out a soft laugh, nodding slowly. Everyone had their time to be grumpy and moody and this time there was actually a reason for it to be triggered - something which the girl didn’t always have when her mood changed. “I nearly didn’t come.. I nearly just said screw it.” Her face dropped as she spoke but with a physical shake of the head to get her out of her thoughts, the smile was soon back. That definitely had something to do with Nolan’s expression, his infectious grin wider than she’d seen for a while. Sahar was chewing on the inside of her cheek when he kissed all over her face to at least contain her smile a little. “Yours.” Reiterating the fact, his smirk was unmissable. It was that, combined with the hand on her nape, which had her softly sighing despite a weak attempt to keep it internal. Lips moved naturally together and her own hands dropped to rest upon his chest as her tongue intertwined with his. “Only yours.” She mumbled it without creating space between them, nibbling gently on his lip before getting right back to the kiss, not wanting to be separated for longer than necessary.

Hearing her sigh was more than enough to endure his smirk for a bit longer, even when they had their lips together, like now. He never thought a single word would affect him so much, but as she confirmed she was his, he could feel a slow shivering feeling all through his body. Her words would reverberate in his mind and he grasped her hair to bring her even closer. “Only mine.” Whispered against her lips at the moment he had his lips nibbled. He darted towards her, pressing his body to hers against the wall. His hand slid on her waist, pressing it with more strength and he sucked on her lower lip slowly before moving his mouth to her jaw, sucking it with the same slow pace but stronger, his tongue sliding over the reddened mark he left.

Some people hated when others claimed them like that, the almost possessiveness shining through, but being able to say that Nolan was hers and vice versa was something that Sahar loved. A small gasp escaped her parted lips as he pressed against her and her hands slid up into his hair, fingers tugging ever so slightly on the ends. Her eyes stayed closed but her head tilted slightly out of habit. Sahar had tried to stop herself, but his name came out in a soft and quiet whine and she was pushing herself away from the wall as if to be impossibly closer. “Couldn’t have done it in a more noticeable place, huh?” Voice stayed low as her eyes slowly opened, tugging him back to her lips for just a moment, still not pressing them back together again.

His possessiveness was clear but he also loved to be hers, to belong to her, and the thought of it was enough to fill him with joy. He was immediately affect by the way Sahar pronounced his name and it was enough for him to inhale deeply, trying to disguise a shiver that ran through his body. A slight and yet aroused snort was his first answer to her question and he shrugged playfully. “Looks good on you.” He spoke softly as he slid his thumb on her jaw, holding on to her nape. Slowly, he brushed his lips on hers before invading her shirt with one of his hands, clutching her waist. “But I can make it more visible if you like.” He mumbled, leaning in for his lips to reach her neck, kissing it slowly and sucking at small bits of her skin. “Is that good enough?” It was with a teasing tone that he nibbled the same place he sucked before.

The small smirk on her face was evident at his every reaction, something which Sahar picked up on even with her eyes firmly closed. It was his thumb running along her jaw, however, that had a light blush returning to her cheeks for the first time today. “Being yours looks good on me.” The girl teased, letting out a breathy laugh as her eyes dropped to his lips only to let out a soft groan when he moved away from her again. A roll of the eyes accompanied a quiet sigh and with that she clutched the material of his shirt in her hands as if to prevent him from leaving. “You’re so lucky I don’t mind being marked.” It came out as a grumble but it was painfully obvious how much she truly meant her words. Sahar was chewing on the corner of her lip in order to prevent herself from sighing or muttering his name yet again.

The amount of effect Sahar had over him was uncanny, he never thought he’d feel so devoted to someone as he felt with her. He snorted at the sight of her blushing, being unable to keep his suggestive smile to himself and her words were more than enough to make him complete. “You’re so saying that on purpose...” Spoke in a whisper, his voice a bit more hoarse than he would expect and he laughed slightly against her skin. “That’s a good thing...” He started, lifting her shirt with no trace of hurry, fingertips ghosting against her soft skin until he could pull it off. “I want you to see each mark and think of me every time you look at the mirror.”

Her lower lip was tucked between her teeth in a cheeky smile and her eyes were the most innocent she could muster as she looked up at him, pulling one hand away to push her hair out of her face. “Me? I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Nolan may already have her sussed but that didn’t stop Sahar from insisting her innocence. It was almost impossible to disguise the shiver that ran down her spine as his fingers barely touched her skin or the way that her breaths were shaky as she exhaled. His words affected her way more than she’d expected and that’s what had her muttering a quiet curse under her breath. “They’re not getting covered up when I go out, either.” Then she was reaching for the hem of his own shirt, a million different thoughts running through her mind.

Even her false innocence was arousing enough for him to be completed under her spell. “Right.” Although he spoke way less then he usually did, his voice had a teasing tone to it almost in disbelief at her said naivety. His breathing was a bit louder and way slower, dark eyes fixed on her body while he got rid of her shirt letting it fall from his hands. Fingertips touched her belly slowly, running his fingers through her soft skin with a mix between tenderness and desire. His eyes glazed at hers and a small yet lewd smile appeared on his lips. Helped her take off his own shirt and as soon as she did, he got closer to her again, hands sliding on her back until he could unfasten her bra and at the same time his lips touched her neck again, kissing her slowly at a slow paced path to her breast taking her nipple into his mouth and flicking his tongue slowly around it. “Let’s make sure...” Whispered with a hoarse voice, grabbing on her waist with one of her hands while the other one rested on her thigh for a bit, kneeling in front of her, lips now kissing and nibbling her belly. “You’ve got a lot to show.” He glazed up to her, smirking with his lips touching her skin.

Every look, every touch, every word. That’s what Nolan had her hanging onto. It all fell inline with Sahar wanting to learn everything about the boy, and she really meant everything. Eyes scanned over his body as soon as he’d been rid of his shirt and, honestly, it was hard to look away despite having seen him like this before. Sahar let her bra drop off to the side somewhere before she was tangling her fingers in his hair, a muted gasp being caught by the lip she was biting down on. “You’ll be to blame when I’m walking around London half naked for everyone to see..” She muttered, voice on the brink of whining as she softly tugged at the hair towards the nape of his neck. It was safe to say that the hand on her thigh and the lips on her stomach had her feeling weak, although she’d attempt to keep that hidden. “You’re such a fucking tease, Jones.” The shiver that accompanied her words couldn’t be stopped, and her narrowing eyes never looked away from him.

Restless eyes couldn’t keep themselves closed, he wanted to see every bit of her, every glimpse of reaction, every expression. He could feel the heat spreading through his body and it didn’t even surprise him how much she had his attention. He wanted to give Sahar anything she might wanted and everything he had to offer. Tilted his head slightly so he could have a better feel to her grasp, snorting and smirking at her words. “You want to show me off this much? Tsc tsc…” Although his voice sounded husky, he joked knowing very well he was the possessive one and that wanted to show the world Sahar belonged to him. Hearing her talking at such an affected tone was enough to make him shiver and he inhaled deeply, brushing his teeth on soft skin before clenching it slowly. “Tease? I don’t think I am.” He spoke against her skin, reaching the buttons of her pants, undoing it and sliding the zipper down. His lips trailed, with purposely soft kisses, as Nolan tugged her pants until the fabric didn’t stand in the way anymore. Hooked his fingers on the waistband of her panties, proving Sahar right once he gave up taking it off for now. Both hands slid to her ass, grabbing it tightly while his mouth touched her through her panties, lips moving with no hurry in small kisses.

Every touch felt like a spark and the softness of his lips against her skin had her exhaling slowly, breathing still shaky no matter how hard Sahar tried to control or quieten it. “You’re mine,” Humming slightly, she attempted to radiate confidence despite knowing that she was putty in his hands right now, melting into his every move, “Everyone should know.” A soft and content sigh morphed into a muted whimper at the feeling of his teeth, a contrast which had her knees weak. There was some level of vulnerability, being stood nearly naked whilst Nolan still had most of his clothes on, but it was somehow a good one. The girl simply rolled her eyes in disbelief at his denial before darkened eyes were back on him once again. An unexpected and frustrated moan escaped into the silence when his hands moved to grip her ass over her panties, not even a little bit proud that she’d been proven right. “Babe, please..” She almost pleaded, shuddering at the feeling of his small kisses. It was safe to say that Sahar could feel how wet she was and the arousal which had started soaking through her panties wasn’t the most discrete. Neither was the way she couldn’t stay completely still, shifting slightly in his tight hold.

Even the way she breathed was arousing to him and enough to make his own breathing more noticeable, his heart rate climbing as she claimed him with such a vulnerable voice, a dangerous combination. His eyes insisted on scanning her, his body reacting at the alluring sight of her half-naked body, he licked his lips without noticing, his tongue barely touching her panties. His hand slid up on her thigh until his thumb could feel the dampened fabric of her panties, he stopped touching her with his lips, so he could rub his finger slowly touching her clit. His narrowed eyes pulled away from her glance so he could memorize how wet she was for him, smirking. His cock twitched under his pants and he let out a pleased pant as soon as she begged him to continue, darkened eyes looking back at her expressions and snorting erotically. “How much do you want it? Tell me.” Spoke in a breathy, husky tone, hands ghosting over her legs slowly until he reached the waistbands again, taking her panties off with not a glimpse of hurry, purposely. His left hand guided her leg over his shoulder while the right one slid up her body resting on her belly. He started kissing her inner thigh, sucking her skin calmly; a huge contrast from how he was feeling, his pants too tight and his chest moving accordingly with his heavy breathing, reddening his chest slightly. Trailed her skin in kisses and small nipping, until his lips got away too close to her pussy breathing against it. His eyes searched for hers, staying still for a couple moments in a tease.

Truth was, hazel eyes had been studying the boy from head to toe from the moment he’d began kissing down her body. Everything from the look in his eyes to the lightness of his touch and the rate of his breathing were subconsciously noted in her mind. It wasn’t intentional, but the barely there friction which eventually came to her clit had Sahar pressing into his touch to try and relieve some of the ache she had for him, her breath catching in her throat. The way she reacted to even the smallest of movements was uncanny and that included the smirk which seemed to be settling on his lips more and more often as time went on, the girl swallowing as warmth rose back to the surface of her cheeks again. Innocence in her eyes was natural despite being no stranger to this situation and it was no different when his eyes were back on hers. With thighs pressed tightly together, Sahar chewed on her lower lip. “I need you to do something, Nim.” More effort was needed than expected to prevent her voice from wavering, keeping it above a whisper, “I need your tongue or your fingers or just /something/.” Sure, any other time she may have put up more of a fight or refused, but her desire for him outweighed her stubbornness. When he finally rid her of her panties, she thought the teasing was over - of course she was wrong. One hand ended the contact with him to rest lightly against the wall for a moment, steadying herself, whilst the other remained in his hair, gripping it in smaller fingers. When Sahar spoke up again to mutter another quiet ‘please’, her voice had already lost its authority and she squirmed under his gaze, hips bucking towards him in anticipation.

Little by little Nolan was losing his mind and couldn’t think of anything else but Sahar and the way she moved, how hot she was and how incredibly wet she was because of him; the idea of getting her completely out of her mind was enough to arouse him and as soon as she spoke in such a whisper, he had to close his eyes for a few seconds, glancing back at her just so he could see her lips moving. Teasing her had the same side effect to him, he wanted to taste her, his lips were craving her and it he wouldn’t be able to keep his coolness for much longer, being defeated at her last begging. His hand slid down again, stroking her inner lips, parting them so he could see her pink clit, lips wrapping around the pulsating nub, sucking it slowly as his slipped a finger inside of her, stroking in and out her tight pussy. Eyes closed as he started to lap his tongue over her clit and her taste had his cock throbbing in his jeans. He tilted his had so he could have a better feel of her grip, groaning low in enjoyment of having the blazing feeling of having his hair pulled. She had him completely hooked and Nolan wanted to keep aware of her every reaction, narrowed eyes looking up at her so he could watch her expressions.

Being so responsive to even the slightest of touches wasn’t anything new to Sahar, but Nolan seemed to only amplify those effects - it was as though he had some kind of hold over her and she’d turned into complete putty in his hands, constantly anticipating and wanting more. The way Nolan looked up at her wasn’t lost and had her leaning away from the wall again, an attempt to leave as little space as possible between them. The girl inhaled sharply once she finally got the attention she’d craved for and fingers laced in his hair only gripped tighter. It was impossible to contain every reaction but Sahar was determined when teeth clamped down on her lower lip, a soft moan humming in her throat as she refused to award him that instant satisfaction. Instead, she kept eye contact as though daring him to give her more despite not acting in her favour. A second hand moved to tug on the strands of hair and her breath caught in her throat as she felt his finger slipping past her lips, hips rolling forward against his touch in a silent plea. It was only then that darkened hazel eyes fluttered shut at the blissful feeling and her attempts at withholding a reaction became more obvious.

Was completely aware of what she was doing, trying to keep herself from being too loud and Nolan was aroused by the idea to make lose control even on that. It was his time to moan in a sigh once she pulled his hair strongly and so he dedicated himself even more to please her. Left hand reached for his own pants, unbuttoning and unzipping it so he could feel some kind of relieve, being as hard as he was having the pants still on was way too annoying so at least he could make it looser. Another finger slipped in, fucking her tight cunt in the same pace he was eating her; although he had no hurry whatsoever, he was past teasing her for now. Sucked her clit as left hand got back to her ass, slapping and grabbing it possessively. Had his eyes closed for a couple seconds, just so he could taste her, but soon enough his eyes glanced back at hers and a cocky silent snort appeared alongside his smirk.

[nolanislame]

drunk night

Although getting drunk was really rare to Nolan, he had been doing it a bit more since he entered the show and, honestly, when he didn’t have to go to any appointments on the other day, he had a lot of fun. Getting drunk with Sahar was something he had in mind even before they got together but now that they were, it sounded even more amusing. Spending the with her was yet another reason why he’d be so excited, smiling from ear to ear at most times. “So…” Brown eyes glanced at her by his side, both his hand playing with one of hers. “Do you want to go out or do you get drunk here?” Whichever would be good for him, he knew Sahar liked to drink and even though it worried him sometimes, he always kept a few bottles on his own place, either for guests or for her.

This was something Sahar had been waiting for. A chance to see for herself how Nolan was after drinking, especially since he’d seen and heard from her too many times whilst intoxicated; it wasn’t necessarily something she was proud of, but it was something she’d accepted. “I would say we could’ve pre’d here and then gone out but you would never make it out of the door that way.” Her tone was teasing and the grin she wore matched it completely although her eyes remained fixed on his hands for a few more seconds before looking to him. “What’s better for you, my lil lightweight?” In all honesty, to Sahar it didn’t matter how Nolan acted tonight as long as he enjoyed himself, and that included their location. Pressing a soft kiss to his shoulder, she then rest her head against the spot with the smile still stuck on her face.

As soon as she spoke, he raised one eyebrow at her, shaking his head. “You have no faith on me, I’m disappointed...” The dramatics of his voice was clearly a joke and he smiled at her right after, pressing her hand a bit more as a response to her mockery. His eyes followed her lips until she kissed him, tilting his head to kiss the top of hers. “You don’t know if I’m lightheaded!” Couldn’t refrain his laughter, it was more than obvious that Nolan got drunk easily. “Let’s start here and then if you’re not too wasted we can go somewhere else.” Snorted as he spoke, reaching her lips with his to give her a small peck. “What do you drink, baby?” He raised up, still looking at her, so he could get the drinks.

The roll of her eyes really wasn’t cohesive with the happiness on the rest of her face, yet Sahar did it anyway, soon narrowing them afterwards. “I’m just waiting for you to have been lying this whole time and actually handle alcohol really well.” Her free hand waved in an exaggerated shrug and, despite attempting to remain serious, a giggle slipped past her lips once his own laugh was heard. “You’ll just have to carry me.” Gaze followed his features as she watched him stand up before she pointed towards him. “The first thing you gotta learn is that I’m not fussy with drinks.” The tone was playful and she tapped a tiny rhythm against his legs, “Anything will do me, promise.”

“Well, I /am/ a pathologic liar, so you never know!” As much as he tried to keep a straight face, his lips parted in a smile as it was his usual with Sahar. Honestly, he wished he could deal his liquor a bit better, even if getting drunk was more amusing than being sober while others had fun. “Which would be really easy cause you’re a miniature…” Mocking her size was bigger than him, but he was completely aware that the issue here was that he was too tall. Playful as he was, he pointed at her back before hearing what she had to say and he nodded. “I should have thought so, so we’re drinking wine… Wine is a sexy drink, I’ve been told!” Couldn’t help but snort at her last sentence and he shook his head. “You can’t say things like this to me.” He new he had the mind of a teenager, but he it was bigger than him. He left the room for a bit so he could grab a bottle of wine and two glasses. “You read to get wasted and I laugh at your face?” Walked towards her again, sitting by her side and resting both glasses on the center table so he could fill each one with the red wine, leaving the bottle on the table before offering Sahar one of the glasses.

Nodding slowly, she raised her brows in amusement and the corners of her lips upturned in faux mockery. “I almost forgot about your lying problem.” It came like a confession and Sahar was busy laughing at her own self until he spoke up about her size; and so her features fell into a dramatic scowl, arms folding across her chest. “I’m only a lil small, giant ass.” Her words were accompanied by a gentle and playful kick just to complete her act. “Nim, what even makes a drink sexy?” It was safe to say that Sahar hadn’t realised how her words had sounded until he was pointing them out and that was clearly by the rose colour which covered her cheeks. She’s buried her face in her hands until he’d left the room, when she swung her legs around to rest just where Nolan had previously sat. Beaming at him when he reentered, she held her hands out in a grabby motion. “You mean: am I ready to watch you get wine drunk in one glass and hear you complain about your hangover tomorrow?” The girl corrected matter of factly, taking the glass from him with a sip.

Nolan was so attracted to bratty! Sahar that he couldn’t hide a grin as soon as she playfully kicked him. “Only a lil…” Mimicking her accent was so natural by now, that he didn’t even noticed that he was trying to do so, although, as per use, his canadian accent wouldn’t let him get hers completely. “I have absolutely no idea, I just read it somewhere that wine is sexy!” There was complete honesty in his words; since he didn’t drink, he didn’t really know the effects of each one or if they even had different effects than getting people wasted. It was an automatic reaction smiling wider at her smile, he loved how her eyes got smaller when she did and he was easily infatuated by her. “Fun fact: I rarely have a hangover, even when I do get wasted.” That was something he highly appreciated, knowing very well how much a hangover could ruin someone’s day. “I don’t usually get drunk, as you know, but getting drunk from wine is the funniest way of doing it so!” He took a sip of his own glass. “Beer gets me too sleepy and vodka gets me too hyped, with wine I feel kinda high!” Also, Nolan didn’t get high, but he did it awhile ago and he could remember how it felt pretty well. “Do you get hangover easily?”

Nolan’s attempts at her accent never seemed to improve all that much and it had Sahar staring at him in silence, lips pressed together to contain a laugh. There’d be many times when complete strangers would mimic her accent; those people would be met with a forced laugh and an internal eye roll but, with Nolan, the reaction was completely sincere. “Wine is sexy.” Repeating it instead in the Canadian’s voice left her rolling off the sofa to kneel on the floor, head resting where she’d just been sat as the giggles that erupted were muffled by the cushions. Whipping her head back up to stare him down at his confession, she scoffed in disbelief. “How the heck is that fair? I even get different kinds of hangovers depending on what I drink - tequila’s the worst.” Sahar was never proud of the knowledge she had about alcohol, learnt from experience, or how regularly she consumed it. Something inside her knew that it might be a problem, however that thought was push far down. “Please don’t tell me you get drunk off beer,” she started, hopefully, “Wine makes you feel high? The girls at uni either get the giggles or are asleep by ten if they drink wine.”

It was way too hard mimicking someone accent when he alone struggled between the canadian and the british one, still teasing Sahar was one of his favorites things to do. “You hate maple syrup, you don’t get to be canadian!” He pointed at her playfully, with a small laughter joining him. Watched as she decided to sit on the floor, raising one of his eyebrows. “So that’s how you end up sleeping on the floor, eh?” Next to her, Nolan let himself be, so his mannerisms were more noticeable. Without thinking twice, Nolan followed her to the floor, siting beside her. “That’s the alcohol treating me nicely because I’m hard to get!” Took another sip, snorting at her words. “Really?! You drink /this/ much and still get hangover? I’m disappointed...” His low voice had a fake sadness, contrary to his smile. “Listen here, Kiki, I get drunk when I drink too much beer... Like three or four glasses.” Shrugged at his own honesty, knowing pretty well know weak on alcohol beer was. “I don’t get sleepy, but I do get a bit giggly...” Rested one of his arms on the sofa, fingers playing with her hair. “How do you get?”

A hand reached out to playfully hit his arm, no real strength behind it, when he refused her. The look on her face feigned emotional hurt and her free hand clutched her heart, eyes squinting closed. “I hate golden syrup, this is slander!” Sometimes Sahar had to remind herself how he was now hers, how they weren’t just friends anymore, and those times had her pressing small kisses wherever she could reach - now? The knee she was closest to would have to do. “The floor is always more comfy and unless you agree, your opinion is invalid.” Even she could hear that sass in her voice and so she poked her tongue out towards him until he was sat beside her again, instead offering a cheeky smile. A roll of the eyes soon followed. “Alcohol might L-word you but it clearly cares about me - it knows how much I’d be drinking if I didn’t get hangovers.” With a click of her fingers, she took a few slow sips before clamping her hand over her mouth from the laugh threatening to escape and taking the wine with it. “Three or four glasses? Oh, baby…” Tutting, she shook her head, sad and disappointed eyes lowering. A relaxed sigh left her lips as she tilted her head to look at him. “Pretty much the same.. I’m the worst on a night out because I have a habit of disappearing and running away.”

It was part of his personality joking around, with Sahar he joked even more, so he immediately tilted his body at her faux punch, laughing. “So now you hate maple syrup and are violent? I’m so disappointed.” It had not a hint of truth on his words, though, even because every trait of disguise he had before was defeated by the smile that sneaked his mouth as soon as she kissed his knees. “I like the floor, every time I’m choosing a new guitar I play it sitting on the floor to see how comfortable it feels, I don’t /sleep/ on the floor, though.” He teased her with a mockful smirk. “But very good to know that you’re open to opposite opinions, you’re a real-life model!” Nudged her waist lightly right after start laughing louder. “L-word…” Shook his head slightly before nodding in mockery while she explained it. “Of course it cares about you, you’re one its best friends!” There was no trace of judgment in his voice, although he was pretty aware of how much Sahar used to drink. Even if Nolan didn’t drink as much, he liked how wine tasted, so he kept drinking it in small to medium sips. “Don’t mock me, one day I’ll stop being such a lightweight!” Actually Nolan had absolutely no faith on his own words, so he shrugged. “Really?” His surprise was easy to notice on his voice and his raised eyebrows. “Good that we didn’t go out then, imagine a drunk me searching for a running away you?” He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, fingers caressing her cheek slowly.

Sahar had truly lost count of the number of times her voice had been filled with mock hatred or offence around the Canadian - everything felt so easy and natural and it was a quality she appreciated every time they were together. Wide eyes suddenly narrowed at Nolan’s insistence as she leaned backwards away from him, taking a long sip of her wine without taking her gaze off of him. A few long moments of silence slipped by before she was speaking up again. “I’m not sure how I feel about this slander you’re trying to spread.” There was an attempted maturity to her demeanour but it barely lasted long enough for her to finish her sentence. “It’s kind of adorable that you sit on the floor to choose your guitar,” she spoke fondly, “but you, mister, also sleep at night so don’t just fall asleep at random times!” In any other situation, Sahar may have acted more defensively. However, she knew how Nolan was fully aware of most things about her and that, in turn, kept her completely relaxed. “If you and I don’t work out, I think I might marry alcohol instead.” Nodding slowly as though she was in deep thought, the girl laughed softly and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. “It’s cute that you’re such a lightweight! Plus, it’s cheaper that way, so who’s the real winner, hm?” It was then that Sahar finally returned the nudge, being careful not to spill any wine, painfully aware of how clumsy she was. “The paps would’ve had a field day-“ She smiled, leaning into the light touch of his hand, “I would’ve felt so bad if you’d had to try and find me.”

Although Nolan made his best to keep quiet during the purposely lingering moments of silent, his smile insisted on appearing at the verge of laughing.  “I only spread the truth, it’s my destiny on earth.” Nodded at himself as if trying to convince that it was true, but before he could keep his false seriousness he ended up smiling sweetly as she spoke. “It’s more comfortable to play.” He explained, taking another sip of his drink, starting to feel lightheaded. Nolan was really weak when it came to alcohol, however he didn’t ever see it as a bad thing. “But the floor is so bad! You’re like a sim from the sims, falling asleep right next to the bed!” Even though he joked, there was not a single glimpse of judgment on his voice, he couldn’t even imagine what was like not being able to sleep at night day after day. Raised his eyebrows at the start of her sentence, laughing at the end and shaking his head. “You and I are going to work out, there’s no if!” There was no doubt in his voice, no hesitation. “But you can keep alcohol as your lover.” Widened his smile at her kiss almost closing his eyes as he was already feeling a bit slow. “I’d argue, but I’m feeling a bit dizzy already…” Leaned closer to her, brushing their noses together slightly. “I wouldn’t mind, though, I would look for you until I found you.” And he meant it, although his voice was getting lower and lower, as he reached her lips with his, kissing her slowly.

A few more long sips of wine had Sahar nearing the end of the glass, yet an internal feeling of shame at how little time it took was easy to ignore as she placed the near-empty glass on the floor beside her. “Oh, of course, pathalogical liars always spread the truth! How could I forget?” Eyes didn’t contain even a hint of belief as she watched his faux expression fade to a smile, triggering her own in a knock-on effect. “I’m still waiting on you to teach me.” The girl couldn’t help but to study every part of his face whenever they were together; any sign of happiness seemed to radiate from him and it was contagious - impossible to reciprocate the feeling. “Hey!” Sahar protested, pointing a finger towards him, “The closest to the bed that I’ve passed out is in the hallway just outside my room.” Soft giggles soon ensued at how ridiculous the image in her head was, the sims reference giving her a realistically visual aid. It took teeth clenching down on the inside of her cheek to prevent anymore laughter and a shy grin soon took over her face. “You’re really spoiling me, eh? I get both my babies in my life.” She couldn’t help but smile fondly towards him at his confession and her own eyes slowly fluttered closed. Even being this close kept her heart racing and a blush forming, no matter how often they ended up this way. “You’re so cute..” Whispering, she stole a glance through barely parted lids before the feeling of his lips had them closing again. The taste of wine was nothing new, but on him? It tasted different. A mix of familiarities. Lips were soft and gentle against his as a hand cupped the side of his neck. Reluctantly pulling away after a few seconds, there was still barely any distance between them, foreheads pressed together and eyes remaining shut.

It was already natural com Nolan to act more freely whenever he was with Sahar and now that alcohol was running through his veins he was even more loose and couldn’t help but let out a dramatic gasp. “Pathological liar?” Wasn’t offended at all and couldn’t even act like he was since soon his laughter took place of the faux surprised one. Loving smile appeared on his lips and he nodded. “Mhm, I want to teach you so you can play while singing.” He was so in love with her it wasn’t even funny, he was passionate and fascinated by every single detail of her. His laughter was loud and honest and he shook his head. “That’s even worse! You couldn’t even make to the room!” Gesticulate while talking. “You’re that sim that falls asleep during a date, I’m waiting for you to fall asleep anytime soon.” Shrugged as a joke, drank all the wine out of his glass at once, resting the wine glass on the floor without worrying about it. “Eh!” Couldn’t help but point out the very canadian expression that left her lips. “I demand to be your favorite baby, though…” As he got closer to her his tone was getting lower and lower. Kissed her as if it was the first time, touching her face with care and exploring her mouth slowly, tasting the wine from her lips and noticing that it had just became his favorite drink. Once she pulled away his lips almost followed hers again and he snorted, opening his eyes unhurriedly and taking advantage that she had her eyes closed to scan her face slowly, even his smile showed how very much in love he was. “You’re gorgeous, Sahar Michäli.” Murmured as their lips touched again to a little peck, lingering the touch before pulling away.

[nolanislame]

angst. 2

Nolan practically flew around town, the speed of the car was something unusual for the Canadian and he did't even notice so much of the red signals he ignored. He knew exactly where she was and got off the car to enter the small place, walking faster towards her, touching her waist caringly. "Let's go?" Asked in a whisper, obviously worried.

It'd felt like hours since Sahar had asked Nolan to pick her up when, in actual fact, it had been only minutes. With one arm folded over her chest for warmth and the other allowing her to suck her thumb, something she only did when comfort was most needed, the girl couldn't help but jump slightly as she heard the door open and close again. "Home?" Voice was just as quiet began to move towards the door without getting too far away from him, "Just home."

Nodded at her, straight face but worried eyes and he could feel a similar scare as he had felt a couple days ago. Honestly, these last few days he had been in a emotional rollercoaster and although he tried his best to find new solutions, Sahar revelations cleared his mind enough. "Home, yes." Without thinking twice, he reached for her hand, kissing the back of it while he walked outside with her. Opened the door of the car for the girl to get inside.

As soon as she felt his hand hold hers, she gave him a tiny but genuine smile and let her other arm drop to her side. The majority of her head had told her to carry on keeping everything a secret - the sneaking around, the lying, the defiance - the other, more important part, reminded her of how all of this didn't just affect her, but Nolan especially. Climbing into the passenger seat, Sahar immediately buckled up her seatbelt and pulled her knees up to fold beneath her. "I should never have gone there," she whispered once he, too, was in the car, "They've never been good influences.."

Waited for her to be comfortable and then he closed the door, entering the car himself right after. As she spoke he looked back at her and a small sigh escaped his expressions. "It's alright, love, no one can imagine shit like that." Wanting to prove that he really wasn't mad, he gave her a small and understanding smile, resting his hand on her leg and caressing it slightly. "That's not what worries me..." He started, already driving towards his apartment, that he called theirs. "I mean, that pisses the fuck out of me that someone did that to you, but what worries me is what can happen when /you/ decide to do something." Since she was completely honest with him, he decided she deserved the same. "And I won't let you hurt yourself anymore because I fucking love you and this won't happen." Even if his voice was serious and firm, he kept eyes glancing at her at every possible moment, with obvious care.

From the moment she'd admitted it, Sahar had been dreading this conversation as though it had been years in the making. Fingers nervously fiddled with each other and she looked to the side, watching the world go past like a tiny escape. "I'm still so scared about this trip." The girl shrugged. Sure, it wasn't their main focus right now, but it was something which still continued to play on her mind as she listened to him. Catching his tone of voice, she turned back to look at him, head resting against the headrest. "At least when I decide to do something, it's safe," she muttered, "Why does this sound like I don't get a choice in things anymore?"

"I won't leave your side." Once again he made that he sounded serious, because he really meant it. No matter what happened, Nolan would always be by her side. "As bad as it gets, I will be with you." Pressed her leg gently, trying to prove in physical acts that he wasn't lie. "No, it's not." Flashbacks from the other night came into his mind as knives invading his brain. Heart pounding as he listened to her and the question that he wish he could avoid. Nolan knew Sahar enough to understand how much ultimatos could sound to her mind and he really, from the bottom of his heart, didn't want to be the one doing so. "You just told me you can't control this, Sahar." Spoke as he parked the car in his designated spot, looking at her. "You're fucking hurting yourself and that hurts everyone around you, because you're so fucking loved and you can't see that." He tried his best to sound calm, but he wasn't and it came through on his curses and tone. "I need you. I need you and I will take care of you even if you hate me for it, I don't mind." His last words were obviously lies and his voice was broken as he spoke, trying to hold back tears.

Sahar nodded slowly and took in a deep breath past thumping heart as she rubbed a thumb over the back of his hand. Really, it was the one part of their entire conversation that she was certain of; he wouldn't leave her tonight. For once the girl knew it was best to not argue back, not as emotions began to rise. Instead, hazel eyes were trained to watch his every expression, watch every slight change of detail and any signs of anger or upset. It seemed like she didn't need to be studying his face to feel the change of atmosphere in the air. "I-.." Mouth opened and closed in the space of just a second as she listened to the words slipping past his lips. It was her time to look away again, now, and she squeezed her eyes shut to try and contain the tears which unfairly threatened to spill. However, at the mention of her hating him, eyelids flew open again and Sahar hastily unbuckled her seatbelt to climb over and sit in his lap. One hand cradled the back of Nolan's head to bring him closer whilst the other wrapped around him tightly, tears finally making their run down her cheek. "I will never, ever hate you. You hear me?" Voice tried to stay confident, but there really was no confidence there. Fingers ran through the lengths of his hair as she rubbed at her eyes with a closed fist, "I'm not hurting myself, but I will always need you and there's no doubt about it. If it's hurting you, then that's way more important."

The canadian boy was always very proud of his positivity and even the way he used to deal with more serious problems, or so he thought so until he noticed that what he felt for Sahar was unlike anything that he had ever felt for anyone else, ever. She meant the world to him and he was terrified, he had been terrified since the day he noticed how bad she was. Every single time they weren’t together Nolan was afraid and, still, he absolutely wasn’t the type to control anyone. Tried his best not to cry, he didn’t want her to see him crying and not because he was ashamed, however he didn’t want to alarm her even more about everything that was happening. Didn’t expect to have her on his laps but his arms wrapped around her waist immediately, holding her urgently and closing his eyes tightly as he felt her tears against his skin. Wasn’t strong enough to hold his tears as he noticed how worrisome all of that was and he pulled her even closer, fingers meddling in her hair and holding it as if his grip wouldn’t allow her to leave. Although he nodded at her words, he didn’t quite believe it. It was him that was about to take her control away, it was him that was telling her what to do, and he was completely aware of how she hated it – and it was no picnic for him either. As he listened to her talking about hurting him he felt like he couldn’t hurt anymore and sobbed as his tears became more frequent, thicker, tainting his face. “I…” Voice cracking as he tried to explain himself. “I’m t-terrified that I will receive a fucking phone call telling me you an OD, or even worse. Or someone telling that something happened to you when I know everything that’s happening and…” Shut his mouth quickly, the idea of losing Sahar really haven’t left his mind since their last talk. Nolan would never forgive himself if he stood still while Sahar did all that to herself. And honestly, he was ready to have her hating him, he just loved her too much to watch as she went down that terrible path.

Anyone who viewed their relationship from the outside would see only the positives. They’d see their laughs, their faux arguments and the pure love and respect they held for eachother. This other side of them, although new, was one which invaded on their lives like an epidemic - it had started and now it was tumbling out of control. That triple threat, drugs, starvation and alcohol, was slowly turning Sahar into someone she didn’t like. When any one of those were primary thoughts in her mind, she couldn’t even begin to think of anything other than them. It didn’t matter who the brunette lied to or how much sneaking around she had to do so long as she got what she wanted in the end and that in itself was terrifying. The bare skin of her back felt tears falling and she knew Nolan had finally broken in some sense, he was no longer trying to hide it. The knowledge that she was the pure reason for his hurt in this second had the petite girl wrapping her arms even tighter around his neck, clinging on as though he would slip through her fingertips at any second. There was no more feeling fragile as emotions filled the car to the brim. “I know you’ve convinced yourself that it’s gonna happen, that one day I’m gonna be-..” Even Sahar couldn’t finish that sentence off but she was determined, squeezing her eyes tightly shut and taking in one deep, shaky breath, “That one day I’ll be gone. I won’t. I won’t ever leave you, I promise.” An empty promise. One which could only be fulfilled if the girl did the one thing she was so scared of. Pulling back just enough to be able to turn her head, Sahar pressed kiss after kiss against wet cheek as her own tears continued to fall. All she could think about was him and the pain she was putting him through which was on full display in front of her. “I’m scared too, Nolan. I’m scared that, one day, it’ll be laced with something or I’ll stop eating for too long or – I want to be able to keep my promise to you.” Words came out both squished together and drawn apart, short breaths braking them up when they could. This wasn’t just about the promises she made now, but the one crucial promise she made to Nolan when she gave him the ring. The one which said she’d always be his.

Starting to cry made it all the more difficult for Nolan to control his feelings, and honestly, he didn’t even know if he really wanted to control himself that way. It was as if he couldn’t breathe, as if something was pressing his chest tightly and he knew exactly what it meant, though he would not let it hit him. Not now. Not with Sahar on his lap. He wanted to be able to say that everything would be all right, he eagerly wanted his words to be true and he wanted to believe that Sahar's words weren’t empty. Didn’t blame her, he couldn’t even imagine how hard it all must had been for her however there was no trust in her words, not when she said that she could be alright without getting the right treatment. Couldn’t believe it and he knew what believing it could cost him. Larger hands clutched childishly to the fabric of her shirt as soon as he felt strongest tightness around him. This wasn’t just another of the normal arguments they sometimes had, the cat was out of the bag. Nolan knew just how addicted Sahar was and she knew how worried he was. There were no more secrets, no reason to hide anything else and so he wouldn’t. Kept quiet as she spoke, trying to hold back his own tears unsuccessfully and the kiss against his cheek had his eyes closing to enjoy soft lips over his skin. She was scared and that was something he could believe, reddened eyes searched for her expressions and he didn’t mind anymore that she saw tears streaming down his face. “You need to go.” His voice was clearly cracked by his own feelings and he reached for her face cautiously, as if she could break at his touch, thumb wiping away her tears. “Promise me you will go. Please.” Didn’t mind begging, but his word almost didn’t come out. “I don’t know what I would do if something happened to you.” Nolan could almost hear his own heartbeat. “Please, promise me.” He was filled with hope that she would agree just as much as he was frightened that she wouldn’t. Her denying wouldn’t stop him, though.

The Australian was well aware of how easily she cried and how her feelings seemed to be amplified tenfold compared to others, and yet emotions right now were still escalated to a whole new level she was unaware she could reach. Sahar knew she’d never felt this strongly about anyone before and it showed in the way she clutched to Nolan in any way possible just to ensure he couldn’t disappear or be taken away from her. In fact, this attachment was one of the key reasons which made the idea of rehab sound so fearful to the girl. “I have a problem,” The admittance came out choked, finally not accompanied by a questioning tone for the first time and it had the girl clinging on impossibly tighter. It seemed like a tiny thing, to state a fact which others close to her already knew, but she’d never fully accepted nor believed that statement until now. Until witnessing the tears tainting a face which usually radiated sunshine. Until finally understanding how worried he was of losing her. Until realising how much she was hurting him. As they were apart slightly, Sahar let a shaky hand rest knowingly on his chest, right over his heart, completely aware of what must have been going on in there. Nothing could’ve prepared her for the pleading she was about to hear. Every part of her wanted to stay strong, to look after Nolan in this instance, but that final ‘please’ had her whole body language changing. It was defeated; hazel eyes could no longer look at his reddened ones and her posture had physically slumped and still no words were coming out. Despite all of this, smaller thumb continued to rub circles over his shirt although she was unsure whose benefit this was for. “I’m so scared.” Tiny voice slipped out as Sahar’s head fell against his shoulder, forehead pressed to the fabric which her tears had already began to soak. There was no other choice, Sahar knew that, yet she couldn’t force that agreement out. “E-Even if I did it, I–“ An excuse. “–I could relapse and just let you down again.”

It was funny in the worst and most evil way how he could never notice what was happening to Sahar until it was too late for him to intervene without professional help and though his rational mind insisted that he had no fault, somewhere deep inside he felt so guilty there were no words to explain it. Had no intentions of stop trying to help her, in no way he was going to give up on her, ever, but her first confirmation had him surprise and he didn’t notice he held his breath until he exhaled too heavily. “You do.” He had a broken voice but another glimpse of hope illuminated his mind with her confession. Once both of Sahar’s hands touched his chest, his went over them. Touching her had a soothing effect on him and he needed to feel her close; even closer than she already was. It wasn’t hard for him, that always noticed every detail of her expressions, to understand her body language at that moment. “It’s scaring.” There were no more sugarcoating it, but his voice had no judgement whatsoever and he sighed. Stronger arms didn’t hesitate to hug her tightly, on hand at the back of her neck as soon as her face reached his shoulder. “I’m scared too.” It was another kind of fear. Nolan grew used, in the possible way, to have Sahar with him almost everyday and the idea of losing it selfishly stained in his mind however it wasn’t clouding his thoughts anymore. Her words hit him like a punch and he turned his face to look at her. “Eh... You never let me down. Never did.” Once again, he meant it. “But you won’t be able to relapse there...” Although his words were firm, his arms around here body didn’t seem to want to let her go. “It’s just for sometime there.” Voice tainted by his own tears as he tried his best to explain her. “Then you’ll have to get completely clear here, so there won’t be any chances of relapsing, and by there you won’t have withdrawals anymore and it’ll be easier. I promise you.” Maintained his tone in almost a whisper, firstly because they were too close and secondly because he had no louder voice to use at this moment. “I won’t let you get yourself killed, Sahar.” Fingers intertwined on her hair, keeping her close. “I’m really didn’t want to force you, I...” His lips touched her face in small kisses. “I’m so sorry...” And he really was. Nolan knew Sahar enough to comprehend how much her freedom meant to her and he knew what his words could do, how she could simply runaway and not do it. In reality she still had the power of choosing to go or not but the canadian would do everything he could to make her go. “I really tried to see every possible solution, I-“ Needed to breathe to try and calm his heartbeat. “I didn’t want you to go either, I will miss you every single second I’m not with you.” As he spoke, the embrace became even tighter. “But it has to be done, little one.”

In. Out. In. Out. The level of focus Sahar had to use on breathing in this current situation was only matched by the lead up to a panic attack - something which she refused to let take a hold of her today. Today, she wouldn’t let it beat her. Hearing Nolan’s agreement shouldn’t have hit as hard as it did considering what she had just admitted and yet she was chewing on the inside of her cheek to contain anymore stray tears which threatened to form new trails down pale cheeks. “I do.” This quiet whisper was more of a way to convince herself one last time and she leant forward to press a delicate, lingering kiss over his hands. Every touch meant something. It was soothing, or reassuring, a simple sign that they were both there and neither of them were leaving. The tightness of Nolan’s hold had Sahar squeezing her own arms firmly around his waist as she tried to hault her tears, although failing as expected, and gripping onto the back of his shirt. “I never wanted you to be scared,” she admitted openly despite that being fairly obvious, “I only ever wanted you to have positive feelings.” The girl let him speak, staying quiet and simply listening to the worried words which left his lips but gradually pulled herself impossibly closer. They hit hard, but they were what she needed to hear and even Sahar knew that as teeth chewed anxiously on her lower lip until she tasted the faint taste of blood. Took in a deep, shaky breath before she tried to explain herself. “Everytime I prepared another needle, I thought about you and how much I was letting you down. I-.. I apologised before I did it and yet I still couldn’t stop myself.” The small kisses had the tiniest smile tugging at the corner of her lips which was a complete contrast to the entire atmosphere which filled the car. One arm reached up to run dainty fingers through the curls at the nape of his neck and her head turned, still resting on his shoulder. “You gotta breathe, baby..” It came out as only a whisper but the girl felt no need to be louder, letting a few moments of silence fill the air as she continued to drag her fingers through. Words were there to comfort the male she was clinging onto but the tears carried on slipping past her closed eyes. “Never leaving you.” With that, her face was buried yet again. “I’m scared that I-.. if it’s easy, if I don’t feel how bad the withdrawals are, then… then there’s nothing to put me off doing it again,” The honesty continued to slip out, and that thought was one she hadn’t even processed herself yet, but now it was out in the open and she was holding onto Nolan like it would be the last time, “I don’t know how to be without you I..” Another deep, shaky breath, “A few weeks I-I don’t know how.”

As if Nolan wasn’t already an overworrier his mind was now overflowing with concerns, things that he couldn’t even voice nor wanted to, he had to focus on the main problem and that was what he was doing. He’d deal with his own thoughts and apprehensiveness later, without putting all this weight over Sahar’s shoulders, stacking up unnecessary problems. Was pretty aware of how his anxiety worked and he fought his mind as he concentrated on her and the words she was saying, finally being able to believe what she was trying to explain. She wanted him to feel good and that was something he could relate completely, as previously thought, Nolan wished that he could take her pain away with easy and soothing words however that wasn’t an easy situation and both of them were lastly mindful of it. As much as the canadian convinced himself that Sahar was the one in denial, until that night he didn’t want to believe how serious all of that was, he closed his eyes to obvious issues and he’d rather ignore than having to confront her and that was something that he was learning with her right now. A tiny smile crept on the side of his lips at that delightfully naive saying, one that he believed with all his heart. “I only ever wanted you to have positive feelings too, baby.” Slid his hand up and down on her back, finger delicately touching her skin whenever there was no tissue between them – he wanted to feel her. Didn’t try to escape her gaze anymore and it showed in the way his eyes were restless scanning her face and he could notice the way she was biting on her lip, as she spoke his thumb slithered over her lower lip cautiously as if his touch was powerful enough to heal her bruise although he knew that was impossible. Nolan was completely attentive to her words that he could picture her reaching for the needle, he could almost see her there and even in his imagination she seemed so vulnerable and small that his heart ached. “That’s not your fault, Sahar.” Whispered as their faces were that close, resting his forehead on hers. “Am breathing…” Right hand still on her beautiful face, wiping as the tears streamed down her cheek. As her hid her face again, he kissed her head where his lips could reach, inhaling her perfume and closing his eyes as he listened to her. There he was again, responsible for telling her things that she wouldn’t want to hear and though it hurt him, he wouldn’t have anyone else doing it so. “It’s not going to be easy. It’s going to be harder, harder than being here, because you won’t find anything there.” As for now, he tried to control his tears, hurting his own throat as he held them in. “But there’s no fences in the world that could keep me from seeing you at every possible occasion.” Nolan knew himself, he knew how stubborn he could be and that was a situation where he would want to be. “I promise you I will visit you every single day they allow me to, and it’s been researched that they allow it, you won’t be locked at a fucking hospital room, that won’t be it.” Caringly, he guided her face to look back at him. “We will talk every day. I promise you.” Kissed her lips unhurriedly, with no hint of going further on that kiss, and looked for her eyes again. “It’s a personal place, they’ll adapt it to your needs and won’t be without contacting me or your friends, they’ll probably cut loose… Those friends, though.”

The longer they sat there, the more it dawned on her where they were. It wasn’t necessarily the most private place and, considering they weren’t on the most private show either, there was a strong likelihood that either the film crew or paparazzi would’ve caught them on camera. Although none of that really mattered. How the papers made their relationship out to be was so far down Sahar’s list of priorities that she usually didn’t even spare a thought for them unless they directly attacked Nolan over something. Pushing that thought to the back of her mind, Sahar focused on the situation at hand, her own suppressed smile being painted on her face as she witnessed one tug at his lips. The feeling of his skin brushing over hers had the same effect it always did, a shiver running through her body, and there wasn’t a single doubt in her mind that he meant every word. Reddened eyes locked onto his delicate touch and the sentiment had her offering a tiny smile despite wincing just slightly as a thumb ran over the bruise already forming. Still, she whispered a quiet ‘thank you’, barely loud enough for either of them to hear. The girl couldn’t deny that the thoughts whirring around her head weren’t ones speaking positivity, were ones which told her how much strain this would put on any relationship, yet Nolan made her feel like everything would be okay and that was almost more scary. “I wish I’d never gotten into all of this,” the guilt-ridden confession timed perfectly as a loose piece of hair fell over her face, creating her own subtle shield to avoid direct eye contact. Now her own hands came up to wipe away tears, first from his face and then hers, with the most gentle and hesitant touch. It felt as though any sudden movement had the ability to make everything come crashing down. Kisses with the purest intentions had Sahar closing her eyes and resting a hand back over his heart, thumb tracing patterns gently over the fabric; everything felt still and peaceful for just those few seconds. “They give you medicine to lessen the – the withdrawals though, right?” Attempted to calm herself down, trembling hands and incomplete breaths not helping. “What if I can’t do it? What if I get there and it just makes me feel worse? If I can’t do it? What about if people find out? Or if I can’t go back to uni?” Questions came out rushed and it showed as the delicate touch on his shirt turned more tense, small fingers clenching the fabric between them, “I can’t not talk to you, you can’t let them do that.” Reluctant eyes made their way back to his kind ones only to close again at the feeling of their lips pressed so innocently together, a kiss which left a completely different feeling behind to any other. Without meaning to, Sahar leant into his hands, nodding slowly as the realisation began to hit - rehab really was the only option. “I don’t want these friends anymore… I just want you guys.”

Didn’t want to leave, he didn’t know what would happen if he left Sahar, even for a small amount of time and that was as scary as it could be. His hands were restless over her back, bringing her closer and trying to convince both him and her that everything were going to be alright somehow. If there was any hint of paparazzis creeping them out, Nolan wouldn’t have known as concentrated as he was at her and only her. It was like being able to breathe again once he saw her smile, although small and not as far as endearing as the way she used to smile and laugh at him whenever they were talking about lighter things, but it was enough to soothe his heart a little bit. Smiled, just as small but clearly soft, once she thanked him and shook his head slightly, showing that there was nothing to thank him for. “Me too, I wish you didn’t have to go through all this.” Tried to show her with words that it wasn’t about him or how he felt, that he only wanted her to be fine. Still, not enough seriousness could keep him from closing his eyes and smiling, no teeth showing, once smaller hands came to wipe his tears. It was in the details, the way she treated him and the way they were always worried with each other that made every possible doubt fly out of his mind. “They give you tranquilizers, I think. Not the heavy kind though, it wouldn’t help.” Nolan researched everything he could about that subject and he wanted to be able to clear all of her doubts. “Hey.” This time both hands cuffed her beautiful face, looking straight into her eyes. “You can do it, i have no doubt in my mind that you can do it. And you will probably feel a bit worse at the first days, but you know that will be the withdrawals and then you’ll feel better. And you’ll be free from all this shit controlling you and you’ll go back to uni. I promise you.” He had no idea if he could make those promises, but he believed in them so he did and would do anything to never break it. Slid his hands over her neck and then went back to embracing her by the waist. “I won’t let they do that, no one will keep me from talking to you. “You’re going, right?” Asked low and hopefully.

It was crazy to her how even in a situation where emotions were high and the tone was serious, the little things Nolan did still gave her butterflies. It showed a positive side and showed Sahar how all of this had come from the upmost love and care they held for eachother, and that was something to always hold onto. “I wish /you/ didn’t have to go through this,” she counteracted. Deep down there was a full awareness that Nolan wasn’t holding it against her, that he was doing everything in his power to focus it on her own welfare, but it didn’t stop the feelings of selfishness. These problems had taken over their lives since the first one slipped out and since then, they’d just tumbled, creating a path of destruction as the other cracks began to show until everything was out in the open and vulnerable. Lips pressed a soft and delicate kiss to the corner of his smile as brown eyes disappeared out of her sight, always needing sme form of contact. “Nim, I don’t even take sleeping pills because I’m scared something will happen and I won’t wake up..” Every word seemed to slip past in a hushed voice because of both their proximity and the silence which surrounded them, any sound cutting through it. Sahar knew she needed to listen and trust him just like she did in every other situation and that was what kept their eye contact, teeth going back to chew on her lower lip again. The combination of that habit and the lump in her throat which was being repeatedly swallowed had the girl holding back anymore tears as much as possible in an attempt to be stronger, to take back that small and vulnerable feeling this whole situation had brought her into. “I’d have to go until I didn’t crave it.. and then do the rest at home? Are they gonna make me eat more as well?” It was frustrating to have so many questions, but she still nodded at his promise, forcing any doubts to stay inside for once. As smaller hands continued to distract themselves, mindlessly drawing patterns and fiddling with his shirt, busy mind tried to piece everything together; all the information and doubts and emotions. Voice cracked as she finally spoke up again. “You’ll still be here when I get out?”

Completely aware of how much Sahar hated confrontations, he could only imagine how this one in particular could be sounding to her. Since the beginning, when Nolan and Milo started to talk about doing something, the canadian boy knew he was going to be the one to really talk to her, even because he wanted to, however he never thought it’d be in this situation. A snort with no rumor came out as a response to her words and he nodded. “I’ll be alright and so will you.” As time went by, his voice got huskier, considering all the tears he had been holding back. Once again, smiled at her with the small kiss and he felt a bit better, a bit more normal. “It’s only to help you go through it, if you don’t want to take them, I don’t think they’ll force you to unless you hurt yourself or something.” As he recalled, the place he intended to take her was completely personal, every detail adapted to her needs and her situation exactly. Held her a bit stronger, inhaling her perfume as he tried to keep as serious and calm as possible, but neither those things were Nolan and so it was hard. “They’ll get you clean and eating again, and then you’ll get back and I think you’ll have to keep clean for a few months, no drinks, no cigars, nothing, until the doctors are absolutely sure you won’t relapse.” One of his hands reached for her, just touching it against his own chest, trying to calm her down too and assure her of the words that were to come. “Sahar, i will marry you someday.” And this time it wasn’t hard for him to be serious at all. “I’m not going anywhere.”

This whole talk had Sahar forgetting why they were even there in the first place, sitting in the driver’s seat of his car rather than in the warmth or comfort of their own home. Though the thought entered her mind for a split second, it was obvious they couldn’t concentrate on that right now. “I wouldn’t hurt myself,” the girl shrugged nonchalantly as though it could never happen, despite this whole issue stemming from a form of harm. Sahar might have admitted that she had a problem, but she still hadn’t completely accepted it and that could prove an obstacle when it came to helping herself recover, not fully understanding where things switched from being normal to addiction. Staying silent to just let him speak, she nodded to show that she really was listening no matter how much she might not have wanted to. “What happens if I do smoke or have a drink or even relapse – would I have to go back again?” Unsure she even wanted to hear the answer, all her focus went to his hands and she shifted impossibly closer to him. Smaller girl leant her forehead against Nolan’s as she let out a breathy but humourless laugh which contrasted the smile tugging at her lips, accompanied by another nod. “Someday.” Parroted in agreement, Sahar let out a heavier breath and straightened up slightly, “I have to go to rehab, don’t I?”

“I hope not.” His word came out a bit harsher than the usual however it wasn’t because of her, it was the idea of seeing her getting hurt or even worse than that. Although he knew he couldn’t protect her from herself, Nolan was stubborn enough to keep trying and he would fight to keep her safe, even if it meant fighting her. Sighed heavily at her question, one he thought she knew the answer, but knew it was always different hearing from someone else. “Yes, you would.” Nolan wasn’t the type of guy that lied, quite the opposite he needed to learn how to keep his mouth shut sometimes. “But it sounds harder to do than it’ll actually be.” Took her hand to his mouth, kissing it unhurriedly and sighing again. “Soon, we need to annoy the news.” And that was a bit more Nolan. Now that he was noticing that she was getting behind the idea of looking for help, he could relax a bit more. “You do, you really do.”

Teeth chewed on an already bruised lip as hazel eyes darted away from the kind ones in front of her, the tone being heard causing a pang of guilt in her heart. Sahar knew that, realistically, it wasn’t a sign of anger towards her but one she could only assume was triggered by the idea of causing herself further harm; yet it still had her letting out a long, shaky breath. “I promise,” she whispered, “I know how much that would hurt you and I-.. I can’t do that more than I already have.” Nolan’s next words were obvious and expected and the girl couldn’t do much other than nod in understanding as she let her eyes trail back to his. “I think you forget how hard it should’ve been in the first place..” Voice trailed off to almost nothing, adding to the silence which overwhelmed the car momentarily. The next sound to break the stillness was unexpected as a quiet and soft but genuine laugh left her lips, “We need more articles about how we’re rushing and don’t understand the L-word.” This time, her nod was partnered with more positivity, more understanding. Things had gone too far to be able to fix on their own, and Sahar knew that, so the following was inevitable. “You’ve looked at the place and they seem okay, right? They won’t be one of those ones you hear about that… yeah.”

As much as Nolan wanted to seem calm, his heart was almost audible and his face was clearly affected by everything that was happened. He noticed every single detail, from the way she chewed on her own lips to her eyes running from his gaze and he felt his throat hurting even more from all the tears he held back. Sighed heavily and brown eyes kept attentive to her face. Though Nolan trusted her words completely, he also knew she wasn’t in any conditions to promise anything. Decided not to reply to her oath slightly nodding in agreement and his left hand grasped to the fabric of her shirt. The canadian couldn’t remember any other time he was this frightened. His mind wandered and he thought about what he’d do if she wasn’t there and how bad that night could’ve ended if she didn’t trust him enough to tell what happened, if he didn’t already know how addicted she was but he was awaken by his favorite sound and his eyes, that were staring at nothing, got her beautiful face back in focus. A small yet honest smile tugged on his lips. “Oh those two, too young to be in love, they don’t know what they’re doing…” Although his voice was affected by recent cry, he mimicked the voice of one of those interviewers that always talked about famous’ relationships. A bit more serious, Nolan nodded. “It looks like a cute house.” Wasn’t lying, that was the whole point of getting personal treatment. “You won’t feel like you’re in a hospital or anything like that, I wouldn’t allow it.” His hand cupped her face, thumb caressing her cheek.

[nolanislame]

hospital

Nolan was astonished. Listening to the news on the television linked to the background surprised him more than when his name was quoted. At once, he felt a shiver run down his spine, a fear he honestly couldn't explain. But he wasn't only scared, he was also furious. He couldn't understand how people could target them at all times, or why they'd do it. If it was only for their money, there was better ways to get it. Josephine and Nolan wasn't all that close, still he wouldn't help but feeling a sick feeling in his stomach just to think what could happen to her. Since the canadian was already at home, he only had his clothes and he grabbed a couple of hoodies, some comfortable pants, fresh t-shirts and jackets; he didn't know how many people was there, and how many of them would want to stay, so he'd rather be safe than sorry. He stopped by a convenience store, buying some snacks, easy things to eat at a hospital, and rushed to the hospital. His backpack rested on one shoulder and the bag with food in one hand. He searched for Sahar and it was immediately that he saw the blood on her clothes. He practically ran to her, leaving both the bag and the backpack on the ground and squatting in front of Sahar. "Hey..." He voice was sweet, worried and low. He reached for her face, touching her with care.

Twice. How does someone witness something so devastating happening to the people they care so much about - twice? Sahar simply hoped and prayed with everything in her that the outcome would be different this time. Every sense was plagued with flashbacks which would put her right back in that moment. The girl knew that what Josephine was involved in was dangerous and always carried a risk; nothing could have ever prepared her for this. Never prepared her to see her best friend laying there with no real way to help her. A can of coke was sat beside her on the waiting room chair, left there by hospital staff who told her to get her blood sugar up, but how could she when her hands were incessantly shaking? Her stomach felt like it was being twisted and her heart being stabbed and all she could see was that ten second clip on repeat. Sahar had noticed Nolan walking through the doors, yet she still jumped when his hand came to rest on her face. Almost instantly she was blinking back tears rapidly, her throat tight and restricted, and she was willing herself to respond to him. Mouth opened and closed and still no voice came out so she simply shook her head, letting the tears spill over. Sahar was angry; angry that Josephine was lying in that hospital bed, angry that someone was physically capable of doing that to a person, angry that she couldn’t stay strong enough to be there for other people. She couldn’t even look him directly in they eye, gaze dropping down to her lap and the shaky hands in it. “Nim…” She whispered, voice hoarse and barely audible.

His eyes were uneasy, searching for any kind of bruise she might have although Sahar already told him that she as physically fine. Nolan’s life was pretty easygoing, overall because his biggest problem involved his unwanted sex tape, maybe some privacy invaded, but that was all. He never saw any kind of serious harm, even more something like this. His childlike mind was even more scared than he’d have thought it’d be if he saw something like this and all that with Nolan not witnessing Josephine being shot. And even if he was worried about her, and he was, he couldn’t do anything about that right now, she was already being taken care of by the doctors, so Nolan would concentrate on Sahar. Seeing her crying hurt his heart and once again he showed himself how much he liked her, his thumb wiping some tears from her cheek. “I know.” He answered with a calm voice, trying to suppress his own worries right now so he could he there for her. “I know…” He repeated the words, searching for her hands with his own, holding them to show her she could count on him somehow. “Let’s get you out of these clothes?” Caressed her hands, rising unhurriedly and without letting go of Sahar's hands.

Even Nolan being in front of her was somewhat comforting; knowing that as long as he was with her, things were, to some extent, okay. Deep down, she knew she had it easy. There was no physical damage, she wasn’t the one lying in a hospital bed, and she wasn’t the one who pulled the trigger… but she still couldn’t shake it off. Nolan’s thumbs on her cheeks had Sahar looking up at him, internally fighting to pull herself together, to stop those stupid tears. “I’m sorry,” she whispered before slowly nodding, standing up with him. One hand was then releasing itself to pick up her heels from the floor, the other hand probably holding on way too tightly. It was grounding to have someone else there and it definitely got rid of the risk of dissociating. Looking around, it never made sense to her why all hospitals looked and smelt the same or why nobody had ever tried to make them more pleasant than they were. The girl offered a small smile, rubbing at her eyes with the back of her free hand. “I know you would’ve come even if I wasn’t here… but thank you.”

It was even weird not to smile at the merely presence of Sahar, even more because Nolan was naturally well humored, but he was dead serious. His eyes showed worry and care, but not a single glimpse of smile was on his lips. It was all too fucked up, way too unfair and seeing his girl crying, her pretty eyes reddened by tears, made him feel powerless. There’s nothing he could do to somehow diminish what happened, he wasn’t sure if Josephine was going to be alright, so he could only hope she would. Nolan shook his head at her apology. “You have nothing to apologize.” Before grabbing his backpack, he used his free hand to cup her face and kiss her forehead slowly. He intertwined his fingers with hers, pressing their hands together once she held on tightly. As soon as she smiled at him, he sighed and smiled back, a small smile, his teeth weren’t even showing, but it was impossible not to smile at the sight of Sahar’s smile. “I probably would,” He replied, walking with her towards the bathroom so she could change. “But I’m here for you, I’d go anywhere and you don’t have to thank me.” He kept his voice low, not only because they were at a hospital, but also because they were close enough to hear each other without having to talk louder. “Are you hungry? Cold?” Once they got to the bathroom, he kissed her hand before releasing it so he could search for fresh clothes on his bag. “I only had my clothes, it’ll probably be way too big for you, I’m sorry…” He realized that maybe he should’ve have bought something, but it was too late for that. He grabbed a hoodie and sweatpants, figuring that she’d be cozier with warm clothes. “Is that ok? Or you want something else?” He knew he was talking too much, as usual, but he couldn’t help it, overall when he was nervous.

Every touch felt so gentle, reminiscent of when they usually hung out together, but the seriousness that lingered both in the air and on his face provided a huge reminder of the situation at hand. Despite his insistence that she need not apologise, another one quietly slipped past her lips. Sahar apologised enough in day to day life yet it only got worse during times like these, it becoming more of a coping mechanism than anything else. “You’re too good for any of us.” She breathed without a hint of sarcasm. Of course, she’d always known how strongly caring Nolan was, however now she was seeing it more clearly than ever. She exhaled deeply as they walked towards the bathroom and avoided making eye contact with any of the staff who were working. Initially shaking her head at his questions, Sahar paused for a few seconds before opening her mouth. “Cold,” she simply stated, “not hungry.” Arms wrapped tightly around herself in an attempt to ignore and contain her shaking hands whilst she watched him dig through his bag, a small but sad smile tugging at her lips. He’d really come prepared in case anyone needed anything - just another reminder of the kind of person he was. She reached one hand out so that she could rub her thumb over the back of Nolan’s, shaking her head slowly. “They’re perfect.” Her voice was more hoarse than she expected it to be and so she tried to clear her throat quietly, “I didn’t think you were going to bring any.”

He snorted slightly at her second apology, eyes looking at her face again and he just shook his head at it. He knew it was part of Sahar’s personality, just as much as Nolan being too talkative, so he wouldn’t insist at telling her she had nothing to apologize, not now at least. “I’m not, anyone would do this.” And he was sure of it. The canadian had real faith at people and he believed that he was doing what anyone would be doing in his position. Most people were close to Josephine, being obvious that they would be sad or worried, while Nolan only knew her a bit so he could help with people’s need. At her pause, Nolan raised his eyebrows, ready to answer to anything she might need or want, and a small smile appeared on his face again. At least he brought the right kind of clothes. He stopped talking once she touched his hand, holding hers with his own and playing a tad with her fingers. “And did you eat something tonight?” He remembered she tweeting something about not eating before drinking and his mind tried to count how longer she was without eating; parties usually didn’t have much to eat. Giving that the bathroom was empty, he left the clothes on the sink counter, smiling at her as she said the clothes were good enough, nodding in agreement. “Well, you said you’re staying here until she wakes up, right? I hope that’s really, really soon, but I figured you’d want to use more comfortable clothes and…” He didn’t want to say the word blood, he didn’t want to trigger anything. “Fresh ones.” His hands ran up and down her arms, trying to give her a little more warmth. “C’mon, let’s get you of these…” He started, his hands reaching for her clothes to take them off and, funny as it seems, there was not a hint of lust on his acts. He honestly just wanted to take care of her. “And then we can try and find something you might wanna eat or drink, eh?” His canadian accent was more noticeable at that moment.

“Anyone might do it, but you’re the one who is…” Sahar pointed out, never speaking above a whisper. Sure, she loved to think positively, but she also knew how some people could never shake their selfishness, despite how much they may want to. It was just a part of some people’s human nature. “I haven’t but I-.. I’m not hungry.” She shrugged nonchalantly. Hazel eyes were glued to the boy as though looking away would somehow let him disappear, but when he placed the clothes on the counter, she couldn’t help but catch a glance at the mirror. She felt unrecognisable. Her hair still fell over her shoulders in waves but that was where her usual appearance ended. The mascara down her face, the paleness to her skin, the blood on her dress and legs. To her, it was unsightly, and she swiftly looked away again, making sure to wipe her under-eyes to try and rid herself of the fallen mascara. The soft Canadian voice snapped her out of her thoughts and her eyes moved back up to his, a soft nod of the head to accompany it. “You don’t have to stay the whole time if you don’t want to.” She whispered and motioned to her clothes, “These are going in the bin.” Sahar had been here before, she knew that for her, she had to get rid of any reminders of this night. Stepping towards him and tugging all of her hair to one side, she turned. Surprisingly, the girl didn’t feel shy or nervous about him helping her change - that was probably down to the circumstances of the whole thing, “There’s a … a zip.” Sahar looked back over her shoulder towards him and shook her head. “I can just have water, baby, it’s okay. We can get you something, though.” She forced another smile upon her face and turned her head away again, fiddling with her fingers.

He didn’t know what to say, she was right somehow, he was the one doing it, but if he wasn’t too busy being worried and taking care of his girl, he’d certainly argue against it. Honestly, he could image why she wasn’t hungry, considering what she had just witnessed, but he also imagine she was drinking during the night and was concerned that she might feel way too weak for being without eating. It was almost adorable how she thought that he’d leave for any reason, if Sahar was staying there until Josephine wake up, then so would he. “I just got here and you’re already sending me away?” He laughed slightly, in a really small joke, not rising the sound of his voice not even for that. He nodded, it was the best choice, throwing the dress on the trash. Once she looked at him over her shoulder, he glanced at her eyes and it took him a couple seconds to actually move; her eyes were so mesmerizing, even when she was just crying, or had her mascara staining her skin. “I’m fine, baby, I need nothing.” He wasn’t hungry either, but he had eaten at Rosaline’s, so that was expected. He reached for her zip, unzipping her dress and even though the moment had no kind of libidinous to it, he couldn’t help but watch as the dress fell off her body. “Kick this off!” Before walking apart from her, he bends down and gave her a little kiss on the back of her neck. He walked towards one of the booths to grab a handful of toilet paper and wet it a bit, just so he could crouch near her and use it to get the blood out of her legs, his free hand gently touching her thighs as he did it.

A small, soft sigh left her lips for no reason other than out of habit. It was times like these that Sahar was glad Nolan didn’t necessarily argue every point with her despite the fact there was no doubt that he disagreed. At his joke, she gave him a tired smile and shook her head. “You’re right, definitely trying to get you to leave.” Her voice laced was with sarcasm and her eyebrows raised as she simply watched him. The way he looked at her was something she’d never experienced and it really made her wonder how oblivious she must have been to not notice before. It made her feel safe, cared for and, dare she say it, loved in some way. His presence took the edge off of any situation but being able to look into his eyes was something completely different. Nodding, Sahar stepped out of the dress, pushing it firmly out of the way with her foot. This was all reminiscent of her childhood; there were an uncountable number of times she could remember doing this with her mother, the girl being even more clumsy and accident prone as a child. “How was Rose’s?” She asked faintly, not wanting silence to fill the bathroom. One hand reached down to gently run a hand through the ends of his hair as a way to keep some form of contact. She knew she was clingy, but at least she had a reason to be for now. A glance at the door had her picking up the hoodie from the counter to hold against her body, just in case anyone happened to walk in, although unlikely.

“I knew it.” He replied simply, smiling at the sarcasm on her voice, showing he knew it was nothing but a joke. Even at circumstances like this one, Nolan felt comfortable on her presence. He enjoyed being around Sahar, he felt good and embraced somehow, even if it was inside the bathroom of a hospital. His eyes only weren’t glancing at her because he was too busy making sure not a single drop of blood would be staining her skin anymore; he didn’t want her to have to look at it. it was impossible not to beam once she started playing with his hair and his eyes glazed at her face again. “It was alright...”He started, lowering his eyes back to her the little stains on her legs. “Kinda awkward.” Completed, snorting at how obvious that answer was. Now that was clean from the blood, the boy stood up and threw the dirty paper at the garbage, reaching for her dress and doing the same without thinking twice. “We don’t need any of these...” He said with a hint of playfulness, as it was his normal being. “By the way...” He walked back at her, tucking a bit of her hair behind her ears as an excuse to touch her. “You’re even more beautiful than I thought.” It wasn’t Nolan if he didn’t say something like that. He bent slightly to touch her lips with his in a small peck. “Still not hungry at all?”

Sahar smiled to herself as she watched, the blood slowly disappearing from her skin. Every moment she’d spent with him since the night in Hawaii, she’d felt like pinching herself. It didn’t feel real. Even here, in a less than ideal situation, the back of her mind couldn’t help but focus on how lucky she was. The ten second clip that was haunting her since Josephine had been shot was no longer the only thing she could think about, and that was purely down to Nolan. “It didn’t help then?” She followed up. She knew she may have been pushing, but anything was better to talk about than earlier that night. The hoodie which she kept clutched to her chest smelt familiar, providing another layer of comfort. Sahar knew to not look at the dress as he picked it up and instead kept her gaze on where he had just been stood, head only swinging to the sound of his voice when he spoke up again. “We don’t,” she laughed softly, shaking her head. Eyebrows raised expectantly when he began to walk back towards her. “You’re ridiculous.” The words completely conflicted the tiny smile on her face. Once there was a small bit of space between them again, she began pulling the hoodie over her head; a small laugh left her lips as it quickly became apparent how much bigger than her it was. “Nuh uh. I’ll eat some other time when I get hungry.” She said with a shrug, shaking the sleeves to get her hands all the way through.

“Eh…” He answered with a subtle shrug. “It wasn’t bad, but it looked like she was in a hurry to end everything quickly, you know?” Honestly, there was nothing he couldn’t talk to Sahar about, he felt comfortable enough by her side to really speak his mind. “But I don’t know, maybe I’m just reading too much into it.” It was well known by Nolan himself that he always overthought everything, trying to figure out what was on other people’s minds and maybe that was the case with Rosaline. Being that close to her, he couldn’t help but snort with a little smile on his face, stepping back just a little bit so she had more space to put on his clothes. All the things that was going on the hospital was more than enough to leave everyone on edge, even Nolan, but once he noticed how big his hoodie was on her, he laughed a bit louder in obvious fondness. “You can’t call anyone ridiculous right now…” He pointed at her clothes, but his eyes denied that he thought any of that was ridiculous, indeed. She looked adorable and the silly small smile that didn’t seem to leave his face was evidence that he was mesmerized. “Alright, let me know, ok?” Yes, Nolan was /that/ guy. He always worried too much and now that he was seeing his loved one being so sad, so down, he couldn’t help himself. “Are you cozier?” While he asked, his arms wrapped her waist and he bent down a bit so he could hold her close, hugging her.

A frown tugged at her brows as she cocked her head to the side, trying to figure Rose out from what Nolan was saying, regardless of the fact there really was no way of knowing what was going on in her mind. “You might be overthinking,” Sahar nodded, “but you also might not be. I feel like it’s easy to overthink with Rose.” And it was true, she’d lost count of the number of times she’d done it herself. Nolan definitely had a habit of letting his mind wander too deep but there were some people around here who definitely made that worse, being vague or easily irritable. His smile had her blushing under his gaze and she swiftly covered her face with the excess fabric on the sleeves. “It’s your fault!” She whined into her hands, although the sound came out muffled and quiet. It would’ve been so much easier to lie and say she had eaten just to settle any worries he may have had; now she knew she’d have to eat sometime soon to soothe his concerns. A simple nod would suffice. Now her arms were fairly loosely around his neck and her face was buried in the crook of it. “Uh huh, still cold though.” Her voice came out as another whisper. In this position, everytime she inhaled, she inhaled his scent too, and it was something now so familiar that it felt safe. He felt safe. That was why she was quietly admitting, “I don’t wanna go back out there.”

It was true that Nolan was always overthinking everything, but somehow he didn’t really think it was the case this time. Not that it was Rosaline’s fault, there was no one to blame but he knew deep inside that people grew distant from each other and that was just life. “It really is, but I asked if everything was alright and she said yes so... I can’t do anything else.” The canadian was always really straight forward with his questions and curiosities, it was something to do with him being unable to keep his mouth shut. He’d remember her blushing in his clothes and smiling, that was a solid picture for him to keep in mind. “It’s your fault for being so tiny!” He replied fast, pulling her closer and embracing her with noticeable affection. He really wanted her to feel better somehow. “I won’t let go of you so you’ll feel warmer.” Whispered with a hint of a smile in his face, kissing her head where his mouth reached once she had her face tucked in his neck. One of his hands was at her hair, stroking it slowly. “Let’s stay here a little more then.” He’d stay anywhere with her, and he could only imagine how she must’ve been feeling since she was a witness to what happened.

Overthinking is a part of most people’s lives, but Sahar had witnessed the level to which Nolan was capable of doing it. The only trouble came when differentiating between an overthought and something which actually made sense. “Being pushy would’ve been useless, anyways.” She shrugged, knowing that situation all too well. “You’re the giant.” Grumbling, she felt herself physically relax in his embrace and that had her closing her eyes. This way she could imagine that they were some place else, not stood in a hospital bathroom with a bloody dress shoved in the bin. “Can you not let go of me when I’m warm as well?” Any other time, she would’ve just clung on and not let go, but right now? Sahar hadn’t felt this small in years, both figuratively and literally. It was vulnerability which made her feel like she needed to ask him. She exhaled a shaky breath and gave him a very slight nod before she let her head move from the crook of his neck to instead rest against his chest. “I can’t hide in here forever, can I?” Was the final quiet question she asked.

He nodded in agreement, but he didn’t care for that now. He loved Rosaline like a sister, but honestly the only thing on his mind was how Sahar and Josephine were feeling. “Am not…” Replied softly, even though next to her he felt kinda giant, reason why he smiled a bit after speaking. There was not one place that was more comfortable than Sahar’s embrace, so being that close to her, holding her against his chest and breathing her perfume would always be soothing for him. “I’d be hugging you at all times, if I could.” As if he wanted to prove it, he hugged her more tightly. He tilted his head a little bit, so his lips reached her cheek, giving her a little kiss. Once Sahar rested her face on his chest, he rested his chin on the top of her head, closing his eyes. It was a moment of peace, although they were in the middle of a giant chaos and everything would get back at once, as soon as they left the bathroom. As her voice woke him up from his own wondering, he opened his eyes. “You’re too pretty to live in the bathroom.” Even when he joked, at this moment, he had his voice lowered and just a hint of a snort came out of his expressions. “I don’t think you can.” He was more straightforward. “But if you want, we can stay here a bit more.”

A soft and quiet laugh escaped into the silence as Sahar shook her head, listening to him quietly argue against his height. There was no doubt that they’d argue that until they were old and grey. That tiny smile tugged at her lips yet again when he squeezed her tighter, her own arms trying to match it but in all honesty, she didn’t quite have the energy. “Do you think people would complain if I was permanently physically attached to you?” The question came with a light tone, one that she couldn’t help but adopt when around him. The girl was well aware of what was going on outside that door and in the rest of the building but that didn’t stop this moment from feeling like a welcome break from it all. It was still insane to her how that could even be the case. “I could be a bathroom troll.” She shrugged. A hand came up so that she could chew gently on the skin of her thumb out of habit. Sahar sighed when he confirmed the obvious and so she simply nodded with her eyes closed. “It doesn’t change anything, though,” she whispered, “everything is gonna be the same when we walk out there no matter how long we stay in here…”

He felt a undeniable relief once she laughed, even if it was a soft and quiet laughter, he had made Sahar laugh at that fucked up situation. If he could make her feel even a little bit better, he’d be happy. “I wouldn’t, so I don’t care what people thinks.” And he really didn’t. Nolan was a mix between worrying too much and not worrying at all; he was a bit stubborn and it showed in both good and bad moments. It was more than obvious that the canadian didn’t expect her to be glued to him at all times, but he certainly wouldn’t mind spending more and more time by her side. He snorted and shook his head slightly in a clear denial. “You won’t be a bathroom troll, I won’t allow it.” His voice didn’t sound bossy at all, with a tad of playfulness to it and a little smile on his face. “It doesn’t, but everyone have their on time and works on their on own to cope with things, if being apart from the mess for a bit is yours, it’s absolutely okay.” His hand reached her hair again, stroking it slowly and caringly. “But we can go as soon as you want to.”

[nolanislame]

angst. 1

Nolan was a mess, messy curly hair and swollen reddened eyes. Last night had been an emotional rollercoaster to him, since Sahar lied, he went from being upset to being mad just to fall in fear once he got Milo’s text. Not only he was ridiculously terrified, as guilty and worry fell on him strongly for not going with the other man to search for her. If he had slept two or three hours it’d be much. Didn’t remember the last time he drove so fast, but was surprised by himself once he got to Milo’s house so quickly and he entered the place with the same hurry, not ringing the doorbell, nor saying him to Milo and Seth, he went straight to Sahar’s room. Sat by her side and his eyes were drawn to her arms, inhaling slowly as he saw the obvious mark, and then brown eyes focused on hazel ones as he held her hands. “I’m sorry.” Not a single word had come out from his lips since last night, and his voice was obviously broken.

Since waking up, Sahar’s mind had been focused on three things. The first part simply replayed the entirety of last night over and over again, as many details as she could remember, and what she could’ve done differently. The second, and possibly main part, couldn’t stop thinking about Nolan. An overwhelming feeling of guilt took over her body like a pair of hands twisting her stomach tighter and tighter; this past week had piled so many problems on him that she couldn’t help but mentally hate herself for it. The last part? The last part was only concerned about when she could get her next high. The sound of the front door slamming closed was enough to shake her from her thoughts and shallow breaths accompanied her stare towards the door of her room. With hair pulled up in a messy bun and dark circles under her eyes that she was sure would be there for weeks, the girl wasn’t the best sight. However, soon the familiar face which would appear would both give her relief and anxiety. Sahar’s head shook incessantly as she listened to his apology, wanting nothing more than to just crawl into his lap and never leave. “Don’t,” she began quietly, voice cracking, “I-.. There’s nothing to apologise for, baby. Nothing. You did nothing.” Her insistance was obvious as she spoke and her small hands squeezed his tightly, “This is my fault.”

He had no experienced with addiction whatsoever. Of course he knew some friends, overall because of his job, that had issues like this one but it never was this close to him and he was finally realizing how worrisome it was; he was just now wrapping his mind around the fact that she really needed his help and him getting mad at her wouldn’t help. Nolan knew the last night was, indeed, the last one. The last one he’d let her leave without confronting her about lying. Seeing her as weak as she looked was like having knives against his chest and knowing how powerless he was in this situation only made it worse. “I shouldn’t let you go...” His hands were cold and his heart was pounding strongly, Nolan was never the best at hiding feeling, mostly when face to face like that and it was clear as day how nervous he was. “Sahar, this can’t keep happening.” Spoke softly but firmly. “You can’t keep lying to me.” Released one of her hands, just so he could touch her face dearly, thumb slowly caressing soft skin. “Please let me help you. I can’t lose you.” It was well known that Nolan didn’t cry easily, but he could feel his eyes filling up with tears, although not even a drop ran through his face.

The coolness of the boy’s hands was a reminder of how different this situation was to any other they’d previously faced. The seriousness which lingered in the air and the emotions which were clearly flying around. “I’ve got nothing to hide anymore.” A shrug and a laugh entirely void of all humour soon followed before everything dropped. First her face, then her eyes, then her head. It was an attempt to hide herself and her vulnerabilities whilst simulataneously avoiding looking directly at Nolan. Sahar knew it would break her but after a few, neverending moments, she forced herself to look back towards him. And it did. The first tear rolled over pale skin before the girl even had a chance to stop it and she squeezed her lips tightly together. “I wanted you to have the perfect girlfriend. You don’t deserve to have me stood beside you - this is your alcoholic drug addict girlfriend who starves herself. You don’t deserve that.” Over and over again her mind would remind her how much more Nolan deserved and although it was usually easy to ignore, now was one of those rare occassions where it wasn’t. “I thought I was doing the right thing, not telling you..” Of course, saying it out loud made her realise how stupid it sounded … no, how stupid it /was/, to believe that lying would be the best course of action. It was then that Sahar allowed her eyes to drop back to their hands again as her voice dropped too, “Can I hold you… or something? Anything?”

Her words should be enough to soothe him, at least she wouldn’t lie anymore, but he felt his stomach twisting and cold sweat running down his spine. Evidently he didn’t want her to lie anymore, but the lack of hope he heard on her words was enough to stiffen up his face. Didn’t mind her eyes wandering, he understood that, but brown hues insisted on observing every detail of her expressions, how tired she looked, how vulnerable she looked. Without a single word coming out his lips, he reached for her face again, wiping her tear with such care it was impossible to disguise. Allowed her to speak everything she was thinking without replying, his eyes restless searching for something he didn’t even know on her face until he finally spoke. “No one is perfect, and I don’t expect you to be perfect, never did.” Had a serious tone on his voice and his eyes focused on hazel ones. “This is mine beautiful, smart, caring, amazing girlfriend.” Without thinking twice, he got closer to her, embracing smaller body against his in a tight hug, one of his hands reaching her hair to caress it unhurriedly and he left a small kiss on her forehead. “You’re the woman I love and nothing, absolutely nothing you can say would ever change that.” Whispered since they were so close together. “I want you by my side for all times and I mean it.” Tried to soothe her as his other hand slid up and down on her back, keeping the embrace. “But I need you to want to take care of yourself, I need you to get the right treatment...” Spoke in no demand; Nolan wasn’t the one to control people. “Every time you hurt yourself pains me in a way I can’t even word...” Sighed. “I think you have no idea of how much I love you, Sahar.” Let out the smallest snort. “And you can always hold me, you don’t ever have to ask that.”

The pair had gotten to the point now where Sahar found it almost easy to pick up on even the smallest changes in expression. Everytime she was with Nolan, she found time to study every detail of his face through both the good and the bad. Cool hand on her face made her jump slightly as she zoned in on what was going on, but it was less than a second before the girl was relaxing into his touch. His words made sense and she knew deep down that he was right, yet she couldn’t help but strive for perfection; it was obvious from the ‘addictive habits’ she’d ended up with and been unable to hide. “I could give you reasons for why all four of those adjectives are wrong,” Sahar laughed dryly in an attempt to lighten the mood despite the lack of humour in her voice. Pulling her sleeves down in an effort to disguise her shaky hands, she wrapped her arms around him as tightly as she could manage. “I promise you’ll never lose me until you want to - I really did mean that.” It was spoken as a confession and one small hand gripped onto the back of his shirt. The other came up wipe at her cheek as though it would prevent Nolan from seeing her tears. The mention of treatment had the girl tensing up and Sahar brought her other arm back to her front as well, allowing her to curl up in his hold. “Nim, I-.. I can’t go to rehab, you can’t make me go to rehab,” she stuttered out, “I really don’t want to hurt you anymore but I can’t go there.”

"And I would disagree." Once again, he remained with a serious tone on his voice; he didn't want to sound rude or hard at her, far from it, however he wanted Sahar to understand that no matter what happened, he'd never stop seeing her as he did, as an amazing person. Held her a bit stronger than before, not wanting to let her go for any reason; last night he was so scared of losing her, terrified that something worse might happen to her, that having her in his arms was like a dream come true. "I meant it when I said I'm going to marry you someday, Sahar Michäli, I don't joke about things like that, I will always want you." His hand reached for the back of her neck, pressing it slightly just to make sure that she was there, that he wasn't imagining things but he felt his heart skip a beat once she said she wouldn't go to rehab. "Baby..." If he could lift all the weight from her shoulders he would, he'd do anything to make her feel better but he knew best by now. Although, he hated trying to control people, he knew he couldn't let Sahar be completely free anymore. "You need help, you need someone with you all the time." Once again, his voice was firm enough. "Look what happened when we let you alone for a couple hours, I can't risk it. I won't risk losing you." Kept his voice low, hugging her tightly. "Can't we at least go look how it is? Please?"

Dry lips parted in order to argue back once again but logic swiftly took over. Sahar knew that this was one fight she would never win, especially now as her energy was severely lacking. Instead, tired eyes offered a small smile themselves and shoulders shrugged before the girl was tracing patterns over his shirt as a method of her own distraction. This right here was her safe place. It didn’t matter where they were or how tightly his arms wrapped around her, being in them made her feel untouchable and at ease. That one sentence had her blushing furiously and she knew it always would, an actual smile finally tugging at her expression. “I can’t wait to marry you one day,” she agreed quietly, “as long as you don’t change your mind. I know you said you would never, but if you ever do, it’d be okay.” Words came out stumbling and stuttering despite the girl’s attempts to stay calm and confident, a sigh soon following. Upon feeling his hand on her neck, she moved herself so that she could wrap her legs around him too, allowing herself to get impossibly closer. Not only that, but it also meant that any fear Sahar had of Nolan leaving was soon dissapated as she had her own hold on him. “You won’t lose me,” she insisted quietly yet again, however her confidence dropped even further, “They’re gonna take away all my control, Nim… I won’t get to choose what to eat or when to wake up or anything like that. I’d be on my own and I wouldn’t get to say no. I-I.. I can be on my own, I won’t do anything bad.”

Nothing about that day was fine. He wasn’t fine, the situation wasn’t fine and Sahar sure as hell wasn’t fine as well, and Nolan insisted in finding a way to fix it all, to stop her from suffering, to stop her from hurting herself and whenever he came to the same answer – it wasn’t up to him – he felt powerless, useless but not at that moment. Having Sahar inside his arms made him feel almost as if nothing had happened, almost as everything was alright, she had this kind of power over him, she could make everything better. A small snort came along with a tiny smile, but an honest one once she talked about marriage – he knew the situation wasn’t near ideal for them to talk about it, however he felt his heart beating faster at the idea of it. “Me neither, can’t wait for you to be my wife.” Instead of replying with words to her next sentence, he only caressed her a bit more, kissing the top of her head. In his mind there was no possibility of him changing his mind about her, he often daydreamed about a future with her, even if he didn’t talk about it. As soon as she straddled him, he pulled her a bit closer, kissing her forehead. With care, as if she was the most delicate thing in the world, he touched her face and raised it slightly, silently asking her to look at him. “You won’t ever be on your own.” Kept his voice firm, hoping she would trust him. “I really, really wish you could be on your own, but it’s not your fault, little one.” Whispered, eyes locking to hers. “Can’t we at least go look? I can go with you, and all decisions are up to you, of course.”

Everything had changed within the past week. The facade that Sahar held up so strongly day after day had been torn down and ripped apart, exposed to the people she loved the most. Since the age of fourteen she’d spent everyday covering up her issues with some level of lie until they’d reached the point of danger - the point they were at now. It should’ve left her feeling like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders and yet she felt more lost than ever like her control had been stripped away from her in just a split second. However, sitting here with Nolan, she tried to push those thoughts out of her busy mind and instead focus on the boy who had been and would be there beside her through every step. It was for that reason that the word ‘wife’ had Sahar burying her face into the fabric of his shirt. There was no doubt that if anyone else had heard this conversation, they’d be criticising their casual discussion of the topic, but none of that mattered. Each delicate touch had her feeling that slight bit more fragile as her eyes raised, catching his in her gaze. “If I went to one of those places then I wouldn’t get to see you,” Sahar protested, hazel eyes clouding up before she blinked away any tears which threatened to spill at the lonely images speeding through her head. Swallowing a lump in her throat, she took a deep but shaky breath, “You don’t trust me to be alone..” She forced herself to avoid looking away. “What are the other options? Do I even have any?”

As time went by, as the subject clouded his mind sufficiently for Nolan to get more serious by the minute, he, as well, noticed how much he loved the girl on his lap. It was clear as day the amount of love he had for her and everything he’d do to get her happy, even if it meant contradicting her as much as it hurt him. It was well known by anyone with eyes hot much Nolan enjoyed pampering her however he was completely aware that was not the time for it. Still, his arms folded around her as she was fragile, as she could slip through his fingers and that was a constant alert of how terrified he was. His lips were tainted by a small smile once she buried her face against him, and he used that new proximity to kiss the top of her head, inhaling the scent of her hair and sighing. No way in hell he could lost that girl – and he wouldn’t. Wouldn’t know if that was a coincidence or not, but as soon as she explained that she wouldn’t be able to see him, he remembered pretty well he saying that he wouldn’t leave her alone at an unknown place with no possibilities of visitation. “No, that’s not true, we will find somewhere you can get visitors and I will facetime you every single day and I would never leave you alone like that.” He felt his heart being ripped open with her next sentence and had to sigh not to let tears run down his face, not in front of her at least, even though brown eyes were reddened by the effort he put on not crying and slightly brighter with thin layer of tears covering it. “Do you trust yourself to be alone, Sahar?” Not even in his wildest dreams he could imagine denying things to her or being this firm towards her was this hard and he had difficulty breathing rightly. “I think… At least at this beginning, that’s the best option, my love.” Whispered his words, eyes searching for hers. “I need you. I can’t let you hurt yourself anymore. I’m… Sorry.” It was his time to look away from her gaze, closing his eyes strongly and rubbing one of his hands against it to clean up from any tear that might escape his control.

[nolanislame]

hawaii

His night had been pretty complicated, especially with the part where he fighted with Milo, but it seemed like it was about to get better. Somehow the way his friend talked to him made him a bit braver and he was decided to make a move on Sahar, or so he thought. Once he got to the beach, he saw her and smiled, but his heart raced and he was discouraged again. He was so afraid of making a move and being turned down, but it was because he was afraid of losing her as a friend way more than being turned down. "Hey you, little drunk monkey. What tree do you want to climb?" He asked smiling as he walked towards her, caressing her hair with one of his hands on the back of her head once he got close enough.

A cigarette in one hand and a cup in the other, Sahar stood, taking im her surroundings for one of the last times before they went home. The sand felt cool beneath her feet, a stark contrast to how it felt under the midday sun. So lost in her own thoughts, she almost didn't process the fact that it was Nolan walking towards her - however, a smile was soon on her face once she did. "Lil' drunk monkey?" Sahar questioned, her Australian accent slipping out much more due to the alcohol. Her eyes were closed and a satisfied smile was evident as his hand carressed her hair. "Does this mean you think I'll actually be able to climb it? Because I think I could. All the way to the coconuts." There was something about drinking that sometimes brought out an impossibly more childlike energy from the girl, and this was apparently one of those times.

Sahar was attractive to Nolan in so many ways the Canadian even lost count, but once she spoke with her sweet accent he couldn’t help smiling wider. “Lil’ drunk monkey.” He tried to mimic her accent, failing terribly because of his own mixed with his newly acquired British accent. “Your accent is so cute.” Maybe she was drunk enough for him to able to compliment her as he liked, without worrying if she would take it too seriously or not. Noticing the way she was with his caressing, he stayed like this for a couple more seconds, until laugh at her question. “I think you will fall, but can try to hold you up? You wanna reach the coconuts or really climb?” His eyes searched for her face. Sahar was already beautiful and under the moonlight it was even harder for Nolan to disguise how pretty he thought she was. He lost a couple moments just looking into her bright eyes, and then looked back at the tree. “But I think it’d be better if we stayed down here!” He pointed at the sand, his smile lingering on his lips.

Small giggles escaped slightly parted lips when she heard the repeated words, "Did you just try to copy me?" It was then that Sahar opened her eyes again to look up at him, feeling twice as small in her lack of sobriety. "I don't have an accent - you have an accent." There was an attempt to stay serious but it barely lasted a few seconds before she was laughing again. Sahar brought the cigarette up to her lips to take a final drag as she tried to subtly scan his face, turning away to exhale the smoke and stub it out. It was weird. She'd felt almost annoyed when he wouldn't let her climb the tree herself but yet, now he was here in front of her, she couldn't be more grateful. "I wanna sit on top of the tree," she sighed and wrapped her arms around his waist from the side, being careful to ensure she didn't spill her drink on him, "being higher up is so much better, Nim."

As an answer he shrugged, knowing very well that his attempt to mimic her was a complete fail. "You don't have an accent?" He snorted teasingly. "Who are you kidding? You just went full australian on me!" There was no need for him to speak loudly, considering that there were alone, and the only noise that could disturb them was the waves at the sea. His eyes were immediately drawn to her lips as she took one last drag; Nolan never thought cigarettes were attractive, but somehow Sahar made it work. "I bet we can find easier trees to climb back in London than a palmtree." His arm wrapped around her as she hugged him and it didn't take long for his eyes to get back to her face. "You think?" His gaze drifted between her eyes and her lips. "I feel very good here." He practically murmured the words. That was it. His heart was pounding and he felt butterflies in his stomach once again. It was now or never. Nolan wasn't the bravest man alive and if he didn't trust his guts now he probably wouldn't anymore. He touched her face fondly, guiding her face to his own. He finally took courage and then lowered his trunk subtly until his lips touched hers. Clearly he was scared at what might happen, his fingers were cold showing eagerness and he was hoping she couldn't feel how strong his heart was beating.

A warmth rose to the surface of her cheeks when her accent was clearly pointed out. It used to get her attention when she first moved to London - something that, surprisingly for someone on a reality show, she didn't want. "Don't insult me just because you have a cool mix of accents!" Sahar whined, nose wrinkling in fake disgust. If the girl wasn't so oblivious then maybe she would've seen Nolan's glances, seeing as they weren't the most subtle, yet she was completely clueless. In fact, she was ready to argue her point of being able to climb the palm tree when Sahar noticed his eyes drop to her lips. There were hundreds of thoughts running through her head at that very second; he wasn't really going to do anything, was he? He was. And then her body was in autopilot, despite her heart racing at a new speed. A free hand rested on his chest as her eyes fluttered shut in anticipation. It was natural, really, as soon as his lips were against hers she was kissing him back, almost without hesitation. The hand on his chest reached up so that she could rest her fingertips on his jaw - mind now cloudy and slow to think about what was going on.

He was ready for anything, whether it was retribution or not, he knew he had seized an opportunity and would deal with any consequences that could come from that kiss; but no. She didn't push him away, neither tried to stop the kiss. He closed his eyes in delight. Being that close to her made him smell the mix between her perfume and the cigarette she smoked before and her lips tasted way better than any alcohol as he could remember. His hand reached the back of her neck, intertwining his fingers into her hair just as if he was afraid to lose that moment and the arm that once embraced Sahar, now was wrapped around her waist, pulling her closer. He sighed as he intensified the kiss, his tongue searching for hers as he nibbled on Sahar's lower lip fondly.

This was really happening. The number of times Sahar had considered getting drunk to the point of forgetting, just so that she could try this and then blame it on the alcohol was embarrassing. But this right now? It was intoxicating. The cup in her hand was thrown carelessly off to the side somewhere so that both hands could be in contact with him somehow. One still lightly against his jaw and the other almost clutching to his obnoxious floral shirt to keep him close, despite the fact that her body was practically flush against his already. A soft noise escaped her lips from the combination of Nolan's hand in her hair and the nibbling, which she could only hope he wouldn't notice. Sahar should be thinking, but she couldn't - the only thing on her mind was how she was deepening the kiss, the way his lips moved, the way his tongue found hers, the way her body was pressing impossibly closer.

It was uncanny. Nolan was so happy he could barely keep himself from smiling, he had thought about it so many times and with a hundred buts running through his mind until he finally gave in to what he felt. He wasn't in denial anymore. He knew he liked her in a way more than a friend and he was deadass sober. He would have nothing to blame this on, it was all him, not a drop of alcohol in his blood. He finally loosened up, releasing the tension he felt all the way until he kissed her. He didn't want to let her go, if he could stop time right now, he probably would. He clenched her hair stronger than before, showing with a slight groan how into the kiss he was, letting his other hand slide over her back to lean on her lower back, once again pressing her against himself. He sucked on her upper lip while tilting his head the other way, breathing heavily before getting back to the kiss.

Sahar really did try and stop the small, content whimper from escaping when Nolan gripped her hair harder but it was impossible; so she just accepted it. It was like he knew the exact right buttons to press without even knowing it. There was just one problem. As soon as Sahar got that one breath, the realisation hit. This was her best friend. She was kissing her best friend. Over and over she'd drilled the same sentence into her head ... I don't do feelings ... and this? This didn't stick to that agenda. That was when she was reluctantly pulling herself away from his lips despite her body staying in the exact same spot. It took a few seconds and several deep breaths for her to open her eyes, lips still barely a few centimeters away from his own. "Nim..." The girl whispered softly, not even wanting to hear this herself, "We shouldn't be doing this. I-- We can't be doing this." She stuttered out and with that, her eyes dropped down to the ground, as far away from his as she could manage.

It was his whimper that made him smirk slightly against her lips, not allowing their lips to part. For as long as the kiss endured, Nolan felt like he was living some kind of dream, giving himself completely to her. Until now, his heart hadn't stop racing, proving to him that this was more than only a kiss. Kisses were easy to Nolan, common even, but Sahar came to destroy all his previous thoughts, showing him that kisses could mean way more than just kisses. And as if in a magic spell, his dream was interrupted by her, once she pulled away. He refused to open his eyes and now he got a sick feeling in his stomach. Maybe things weren't supposed to be as easy as he thought after all. "Don't say it..." He begged as soon as she called him and with her words he sighed and he finally opened his eyes. His fingers weren't intertwining her hair anymore, but he didn't let her go. Not yet. Both hands rested on her waist. "No, don't say that. I can't be in this alone, you must feel something..." His voice was hoarse and low, whispering the words because of their proximity. "No one can kiss like this and not feel something, I..." He shut up then. "Or you're just that good..." He said it more to himself than to her, letting a sorrowful snort out. Still, he couldn't find strength to let her go.

This entire situation was sobering. The cloudy haze that once occupied her brain had been blown away by just the sound of his voice, no longer feeling like she was floating on a cloud. Internally, she kicked herself. All of this would be so much more simple if Sahar didn't have that fear of commitment or a habit of sabotaging herself. "I..." She began, swallowing thickly in a bid to stop her emotions from showing. It was so much easier to push people away when they weren't physically in front of you; when you can't hear the feeling in their voice. The butterflies the girl once felt in her stomach had turned to sharp stabbing pains in her heart. It felt like it was being twisted and stretched, and those last five words to leave his lips stung more than the others. "You need better than this, okay?" Sahar whispered, the first tear escaping without approval as she looked up at him, forced smile on her face. She willed herself to stop; to just admit how she felt, to stop crying over an avoidable situation. "I'm not the person you should be feeling this for, I-.. It shouldn't be me." With that, she shook her head, letting her gaze drop back away from his and pushing the tears away with both palms. Pathetic.

He was begging, praying maybe, that somehow in some level she might feel the same. She might feel something. His eyes were restless searching for all the answers he hadn’t let his voice make. The expectation for any word that would give him hope was shown in his eyebrows slightly raised as soon as she spoke. He knew her. He knew her voice wasn’t as weak as she was sounding and once again he anticipated for a sign. Any sign that would make him see that this wasn’t a lost case. His face stiffened up once she said he deserved more and as much as he was filled with some kind of hope by her tear, he was also hating himself for being the cause of it. “Why are you...” He couldn’t finish his sentence, both hands cupping her face with care. “The cat is out of the bag, Michäli.” He said with a glimpse of a smile, using the same phrase he once did in between their playful chats. “I like you. I-...” He needed to get courage for this one. It was the first time he’d be saying anything like this to anyone. “I think I’m falling for you, and it’s funny cause it’s so obvious and you don’t seem to notice, but I don’t intend to go anywhere,” He wiped the tear from her face, talking too much as usual. “Unless you don’t feel anything for me and want me to go.” He completed his sayings and let his hands reach for hers.

Sahar shook her head, more so to herself than to him, as thoughts ran in and out of her mind. Would it be easier to just make a run for it? No, that's a stupid idea. What made this whole situation worse was the fact that she could read Nolan's face so easily, something she must have learnt over the time of their friendship. Right now, Sahar knew she should be the one looking after him, and yet here he was taking care of her again. She audibly exhaled when she felt his hands on her face; that small gesture by itself was enough to make her somewhat relax. "Nolan," She muttered, scratching at the skin on the back of her hands, "You don't understand. I'm no good for feelings or relationships or anything of the sort - I wasn't built for it. I'd end up hurting you and I-.." Sahar cut herself off as she shook her head yet again, not ready to hear her own voice say the words. To stop the incessant scratching, the girl began to trace patterns into his shirt. Swirls and lines and circles. "I can't hurt you, Jones." She laughed breathily with a small but sad smile to match his, "You're one of the most important people in my life, and falling for me would be such a dark path. You need the brightest freaking path possible." Smaller hands tentatively rest in his larger ones, yet there was somehow not a single moment of hesitation. He was her safe place, it was as simple as that. Now it was Sahar's turn to glance between his eyes and his lips, "It can't be that obvious..."

It was like watching something he already knew that was about to happen. He knew Sahar enough to know she’d try to convince him that she wasn’t good enough. But oh how he disagreed. He heard her with attention, keeping himself quiet all the way, even if his hands spoke for him, playing with her fingers, intertwining them just so he’d press their hands together and start all the playing all over again. “You won’t hurt me.” He was so sure of it that he replied with no hesitation. He noticed her glance and smiled. It was a short but silly smile, as it usually was. He leaned in for a small kiss on her lips. “Give me a chance, try this with me.” He asked in a whisper, lips close to hers but not touching anymore. His eyes were too busy watching her this close.

Sahar kept her eyes on their hands as she spoke, a comforting and welcome distraction from the heaviness of the conversation. It was undeniable how natural this felt, how right this felt, but that was probably down to the fact that really? They'd probably always acted too close to be 'just friends.' Just like she'd mentioned earlier that day, his smile was infectious, and Sahar couldn't stop her lips from tugging up into a smile when she saw it. "I'm so scared," she admitted quietly, barely even a whisper, "I always mess these things up, Nolan." The girl could feel his breath mixing with her own at this proximity and god was it intoxicating. It wasn't like anyone else she'd been this close to in the recent months, he didn't smell like smoke and alcohol and trouble. "I'm scared that I'll freak out and run like I've done too many times before." Her hands pulled their way out of his to cup his neck, her thumbs tracing his jawline, before dropping back down to his chest again.

Once again his eyes were restless, trying to figure out what she was thinking, how she was thinking. Although it was frightening, Nolan knew he was acting right for once, and fighting his own fears. Everything felt so right; their hands together, her body against his, the way she touched him. Everything felt like it was supposed to be. What she felt meant to him more than the boy could put in words, so hearing she was scared made him loose his breath, that he was holding unconsciously. “I was scared too...” He confessed with a slight shrug, not helping but smiling at the feeling of having her hands on his neck. He tried to disguise a shiver, but couldn’t, tilting his head slight and laughing softly. His hands ran through her back, caressing her back slowly. “I was scared to do something but...” He shook his head, snorting. “I couldn’t help myself, you...” He didn’t finish that sentence. “Look you’re afraid you’re going to hurt me, which I don’t think you will, but I am willing to take the risk. To try something with you.” He completed, resting his forehead on hers. “I’m pretty brave!” Now he spoke more playfully, trying to hide his racing heart.

There was something almost soothing in hearing him admit how he'd been scared. Thinking back on it, all of this explained the blushes and the shivers that she'd subconsciously ignored whenever they held hands or she'd sat in his lap. It was listening to his words that made her realise it was time to suck it up. All her insecurities and fears and thoughts that held her back; she couldn't return to how they were before. "What made you.." Sahar began as her eyes scanned his face, "You were scared, but you still did it." His laugh was a welcome sound, one which showed that this wasn't going as badly as she had initially thought. Her arms crept around his neck as her fingers fiddled with one of the curls towards the nape. "You're braver than I am!" Sahar giggled softly, a smile now much more evident on her face. "What do we do?" She mused and chewed on the inside of her cheek, eyes never leaving his, "Where do we go?"

He raised his eyebrows in expectation to her question, but she didn’t finish it. His wondering mind made him think that maybe she didn’t know how he had fall for her but he had oh so many reasons it was even funny. “You say you’re all a scared kitten, but you’re still here too.” He raised his hand until he touched her face, caressing her softly with his thumb. He smiled a bit wider. “Well, that’s obvious! I am the bravest!” Although his voice was excited, he kept it low. Somehow he didn’t want to scare her. “Ok, first of all, that’s a more important question to make: is my hair as soft as you thought it was?” Playfully, he laughed slightly and than shook his head. “We date.” His big ol’ mouth would always be faster than his thoughts, he was used to it. “If you want to try it, I am all in. But it that scares you, we can take it slow.” He whispered softly.

It was as though his thumb was a magnet for heat, her skin instantly warming up to a blush as he touched it. "I am here; but I did think I was gonna be climbing a tree, I pulled away, /and/ I cried," Sahar laughed, although her nose wrinkled up when she mentioned crying, "I'm still the scared one." Upon hearing his important question, she scoffed and shook her head. "Yeah, yeah. Your hair is nice to play with and your lips are softer than imagined." It slipped out, but she couldn't say she regretted saying it. Not now. Then she was leaning up to peck his lips, something that was already addicting, before offering up a quiet apology. Despite pushing herself further out of her comfort zone, Sahar knew that there was still a limit to her bravery no matter how much she wished she was at the same level as him. "Can we take it slow? Not snails' pace but just ... not rushing?" She whispered, "Is that okay?"

He couldn’t help but laugh once she said she cried. It wasn’t near funny when it happened, but now that things were calmer, he went back to his joker self. “Yeah, I was worried if my kiss was really /that/ bad!” Now his eyes kept wandering on her face but he was always drawn to her eyes. Her eyes were ridiculously beautiful. “That’s alright, I will be brave for the both of us!” He raised his chin in proud, but it didn’t last long. He smiled at her as soon as she talked about his lips and his answer was lingering the small peck a bit longer. He sighed in delight once again. “We can take it as slow as you want.” He whispered and reached for her lips again with another peck. And another. And another. Small quick kisses and smiles in between. “You know I talk too much...” He laughed slightly at himself and his words were between kisses. “Are we telling people? It’s okay if you don’t want to either.” He wanted to make her as comfortable as possible, and his hand slid to the back of her neck, pressing it softly.

A playful but gentle hit made contact with his chest when he laughed and there was a strong attempt at staying serious, even though it only lasted a few seconds. "I felt you smirking, you definitely knew it wasn't bad." Sahar teased, poking her tongue out towards him for a second. Now that she was no longer required to think as deeply, the effects of the alcohol crept back, nowhere near as strong as they initially were. The succession of kisses had her smiling from ear to ear. This was exactly where she wanted to be right now. A soft whine escaped her when his lips were no longer next to hers, "You're gonna get so sick of me wanting kisses, I hope you know that. You've let yourself in to feel the wrath of a clingy, needy baby." Sahar laughed softly and pressed another series of gentle kisses to his jaw. "D'you think we could keep it quiet for like .. a week? Just to make sure nothing goes /dramatically/ wrong?" It wasn't like she was ashamed, but she knew how brutal journalists and paparazzi could be if they caught wind of what was going on - and that wasn't something they needed right now.

As if she was way stronger in her hit, he leaned back playfully. “Why am I being attacked for saying the truth?!” He exaggerated barely keeping himself from smiling at her sayings. He wasn’t insecure, not about getting physical at least, his insecurities all leaned in being turned down by her; since he was out of the woods, his good mood was back with all strength. He could lost himself in her smile, his own turning into a way more mesmerized and silly one. He still couldn’t believe this was really happening. “Oh bloody hell, I got myself a bratty, needy, clingy baby, what am I to do?” His despair was obviously nothing but a joke. “I could never get sick of your bratty ass, baby.” Although his words were playful, he meant it. He completely doubt that he could get sick of her, he liked her way too much. “Oh my god, things won’t go dramatically wrong, but yeah. Let’s give it a week.” He agreed. His thoughts were completely filled by her, he didn’t even realize what a relationship would publicly mean, how his fans and all paparazzis would react and how they’d try and invade their relationship. “Hey...” He called her, leaning until his lips were close to her ear. “You’re pretty cute.” He told her as if it was a secret and he kissed her neck, slow small kisses, his nose caressed her skin, breathing her perfume.

Sahar laughed louder than she'd expected to at his dramatics, a hand coming up to clamp over her mouth to contain the giggles that soon followed. "I don't think truth is in your vocabulary, Jones." She feigned getting lost in thought. It shouldn't have been a surprise how confident he'd been once he'd taken that first step, but it was, and it quickly dispelled some of the girl's own nerves. "I can't help it that I'm a triple threat! Somebody has to be blessed enough to get all three qualities." Sahar smirked, flicking her hair over her shoulder before beaming from ear to ear. Looking at his eyes, she realised how much he smiled from there. It was his entire face that showed his good mood, and that was truly something that made the butterflies flutter. As was that entire sentence. "Call me that again.." She requested almost shyly. Blushing was already getting old, but Sahar could feel her cheeks heating up again nonetheless. "I might have to leave the country and change my identity, you never know." The girl teased; it was a genuine worry, that something bad could occur at any moment, still, she needed to suppress that thought. Feeling his breath near her ear sent a shiver down her spine which didn't stop as he kissed her neck. Even her body seemed to fit so perfectly against his. "You're pretty cute too," she whispered, fingers running through the ends of his hair as she let out a soft sigh, before quietly adding, "and hot."

It was impossible not to laugh with her, as if she was contagious in the best way possible. And she probably was. “What do you even mean with that, Michäli?” He faked as if he was too offended by her words, but honestly that wouldn’t endure, seeing he was way too soft in that moment. He rolled his eyes at her cocky moment, shaking his head. “How lucky of me.” Although he was ironic while saying it, he really meant it. He already felt lucky having her as his friend, now more than ever he was feeling the luckiest. He dimmed his smile and it was way sweeter than his big silly smiles. “My baby...” He whispered proudly, smile widening as he spoke. Calling her his baby was enough to make his heart race again. “Ok, people joke I’m a stalker but you don’t have to change your identity because of me.” Playfully, he kept his mouth busy distributing kisses all through his neck. He smiled with his lips touching her skin once she called him hot. “Well, you’re pretty hot yourself, love.” His hands holding her waist and pulled her closer, their bodies touching completely.

“That’s for me to know, and me only.” Sahar’s hands reached up to playfully squeeze his cheeks as she let out an ‘aw’ noise, at least taking note of his attempted act. “You’re gonna get to deal with my act ups, you truly are lucky.” It wasn’t like she ever usually admitted it, but she knew that being bratty was a part of her personality. Part of her still worried that Nolan would eventually have enough of it but right now? Right now, she couldn’t care less about thinking that far forward. “Your baby,” She repeated, the bright, almost childlike grin on her face there to stay, “it sounds good coming out of your mouth.” Sahar may have been the one to suggest going so slowly, to not tell anyone for a while, but that didn’t take away from the fact that her heart was beating ten to the dozen. She’d really been his for a long time and she was just now realising it. “This is my last night of being Sahar Michäli.” Giggling quietly, her fingers carried on their work messing with his curls. “Unless you want me making out with you again, I’m gonna need you to stop kissing my neck.” However, her actions didn’t match her teasing words, and she made no effort to pull away from him.

“How mysterious.” He said purposely pouting as he had his cheeks squeezed. “I’m so ready to see you acting out!” Nolan really didn’t mind. He was always easygoing and genuinely calm, so it wasn’t rare for his friends to act up on him, or even snap at him, Sahar was different, though. He knew that even acting up she’d might be cute. He felt butterflies in his stomach as soon as she repeated it, confirming it, and he beamed immediately. “You have no idea of how good it feels to say it.” He explained before giggling with her. “If that’s even your real name, uh?” It was easy and fun for Nolan to join playful talks overall with her. He felt shivers down the back of her neck from the way she was playing with his hair. He snorted softly. “How is that supposed to make me want to stop?” He lowered his voice, lips drawing a path of slow kisses through her neck, reaching for her jaw just to suck on a bit of skin slowly. He paired his face with hers, touching her lips with his own once again. Now, he took his time to bit slightly and suck her lower lip, until kissing her again; it wasn’t an intense kiss, but it was more than just a peck, he pressed their lips together slowly.

Sahar gently pecked his lower lip as she rolled her eyes, two completely contrasting actions. “I think it’s just an exaggerated version of me being ‘bratty’.” She confirmed, making sure to put air quotes around that one word. Of course, he’d already dealt with it to some extent, but it was always questionable how much more he’d have to endure. My baby. The two words kept running through her brain in an endless cycle. They were just two words and yet they had that much impact. “If I had a different name, what do you think it’d be?” She questioned, narrowing her own eyes in thought. It was torturous, the way his lips were moving so slowly over her neck, and it only worsened when he stopped on that one patch. She let out a noise somewhere between a hum and a whine once he was finally back to her lips. Less desperate, less needy. That was how you could describe this kiss. Sahar softly moved her own lips against his before gently trapping his lower one between her teeth, carefully pulling away slightly. There was a sure grin on her face once she released it and then their lips were back together again. She was so completely under his spell.

Just from imagining how she’d really act, and if she would, he raised one eyebrow. Nolan was aware of her low self-esteem, and he saw her as such an incredible person, he had a hard time really believing she could annoy her in any way. He refrained himself to answer, only shrugging at her words, but he was honestly curious about how it’d be. He could call her baby a thousand times, he was sure it wasn’t going to wear out. Once again, that felt like one of the most amazing dreams he could have, just by holding her close to him, feeling her warmth and her scent; he hoped her perfume would stick to his shirt. “I have no idea,” He answered with a smirk pointing out of his lips before he finished. “I’d rather call you mine.” He laughed at his own lameness. It was part of Nolan’s personality, always joke around and play with words, even when they were lovingly words. He shivered once she whined and his hands moved on its own, pulling her even closer and both his hands clenched her waist possessively. He craved for her lips now that he had tasted it, it was going to be impossible to forget her aftertaste. It was impossible to hold a small groan once his lips were captured by her teeth, breathing heavily against her mouth. He kept his eyes slightly opened for a couple seconds until he gave himself to her again, kissing her tenderly as soon as he closed his eyes. “Do you…” He whispered with a husky voice, refusing to part their lips completely. “Want to go inside? Someone could see us here.” Since they were on a show, Nolan didn’t doubt there would be cameras searching for every rich kid around.

It still didn’t feel real. After spending so much time convincing herself that Nolan was nothing but a really good friend, she didn’t need that act anymore. Every word and every touch was so new but somehow still familiar. Laughing as subtly as possible, Sahar rested her forehead against his chest for a few seconds. “You really just went there, huh?” She asked in disbelief, “Next you’ll be asking ‘where’s my hug at?’ whenever I see you.” Nothing ever had to be too serious between the two of them; jokes and teasing were a part of their usual conversations and that was something that people would often under-appreciate. The hands on her waist left Sahar smiling against his lips and the groan he couldn’t contain was just blissful. He was addictive and she was perfectly okay with that. Her breathing was heavy when he began to talk, eyes only open enough to see his. “The cameras ruin everything,” she playfully complained with a quiet and soft voice, although there was some truth behind it, “I guess we probably should.” And with that she was reluctantly pulling her arms from around his neck, stopping to rest them on his chest between her body and his. Eyes glanced down to his lips which were still barely separated from her own before she tore herself away from them, chewing on the corner of her lower lip.

He smiled while laughing as soon as she mocked his words and he deserved it, so it was impossible for him not to agree with her. “I probably will, I am /that/ guy.” Although it wasn’t completely true, joking around with Sahar was so easy he couldn’t help himself. They were so close that their conversations were effortless, comfortable and still every moment they acted as more than friends, his stomach was filled up with butterflies. He couldn’t help but agree to her about the cameras; he wasn’t a big fan of them, at least not at moments like that one. “I hate the cameras so much.” He whispered good-humoredly and he hesitated to pull back his hands from her waist. Playfully, he took a step back as if they couldn’t be any near each other because of the lack of privacy on the beach. He smirked softly before cupping her face and giving her a little peck, all very quickly, as though they were being watched, even when Nolan couldn’t see any cameras around them – but to be honest, he wasn’t paying attention to anything but Sahar. “Ok, now we can go…” They were very close friends before, so the boy wasn’t afraid to hold her hand and bring her with him, although this time he felt that weirdly good tickling feeling on his stomach again, just by holding hands with her. “You’re coming to my room, right?” He asked, walking backwards towards the hotel, so he could be look at her face to face. Nolan didn’t want to get apart from her so soon and he thought she getting into his room or the other way around wouldn’t really surprise the sneaky eyes of the camera men.

“We’re gonna be /that/ couple, aren’t we?” Sahar laughed softly, knowing there was complete truth behind it, at least on her part. Everything felt new and exciting and she knew there was no way she could get enough of him. That was why she was almost instantly agreeing to go back to his room which was common practice for the two of them. There she was nodding again in agreement despite Nolan’s statement already agreeing with her. “Although I do appreciate them catching my rare funny moments so I’m blessed for that.” There was a strong attempt at staying serious that barely lasted a couple of seconds before she was left quietly giggling to herself; she really was her own biggest fan with humour. It took her a few moments to realise what the male was doing when he stepped further away from her but once she understood, she was narrowing her eyes towards him. “Why do you get to steal the last kiss?” She asked with a pout. To combat it, Sahar pressed a quick kiss to his jaw as they began walking, something she’d done previously without even thinking about. Then she was walking further to the side and away from him until her arms was almost fully stretched to be able to carry on holding his hand, purely to poke fun at his previous actions. “Your room, definitely,” She beamed, “Mine’s a complete mess.” Sahar knew that once they were back home, life would start getting in the way again and they wouldn’t be able to spend as much time together as might have wanted to, so now was the time to take advantage of it whilst they could.

“We probably will, the best kind of couple, though!” He raised his chin in proudness, Nolan knew how clingy he could be, so he also knew how he’d be with her anyways. Walking backwards, the canadian only straighten up his steps once he could no longer feel the sand bellow his feet, walking correctly this time. “You’re naturally funny, it’s your way.” He could’ve said it was because she was bratty to annoy her, but he actually thought she was funny the way she was, so he’d leave the jokes for another moment. He laughed louder than before towards her question. “I was the one to actually make a move, I am the one that steal the last kiss... What can I say?” He shrugged. “I’m the pioneer on this relationship.” Once again, it was clear that he was only joking and he widened his smile once he felt the kiss on his jaw. “Why are you so messy?” Shook his head with his question, making way to his own room. He didn’t want to be apart from her so easily, now that he finally found guts to actually show her how he felt. As soon as they got to his room, he opened the door for her to enter before him. His room wasn’t the most tidy room either, but it was because of the amount of paper on his bed, where he usually wrote his lyrics and the guitar also laying on his sheets. That hotel room had seem loads of songs being written and he wouldn’t tell Sahar some of them was because of her. Not yet at least. He closed the door once they were both in and released her hand for awhile so he could pick up the papers from his bed, placing them on the small table that was in that room; his guitar was put to rest on a chair and soon enough he got closer to her again. “Okay, here no one will see us kissing.” With a small smile on his lips, he pulled her closer. “I know this is not climbing trees, but...” He mocked, smiling before touching her lips with his own.

The way his chin was raised had Sahar laughing, free hand clamping over her mouth to contain the sound on the empty beach. “Well, you’d better think we’re the best kind of couple,” she warned with mock seriousness, “other people might not agree!” Not that that mattered. If she was happy and Nolan was happy, then people’s opinions couldn’t get in the way of that. It was a relief when he turned back around and she no longer had to be expecting him to trip over, which she would’ve done a long time ago. “That’s not fair!” Her words came out as a whine and she pouted as she looked at him, “You don’t get to steal the first kiss /and/ the last.” His question was a fair one, just not one she had an answer to. Back home, her room was rarely messy. It was almost an obsession to keep it the way she liked it, but on holiday? All of that went out of the window. “There’s just… a carpet of clothes.” She shrugged as though it was some kind of legitimate response. It wasn’t long before they got to his bedroom and she swiftly followed him inside, leaning against the door once it was closed. Hazel eyes scanned the room, a smile tugging at her lips once they landed on the papers scattered over his bed. She may have been biased, but watching him do what he loved was a beautiful thing. “Have you been writing?” She’d ask whilst observing him clear them up, unable to hide her grin. A quiet giggle was the last thing she heard before their lips were back together. It was safe to say she was hooked. One taste was all she’d needed to let her addictive personality take over. “You’re an okay substitute.” Despite speaking, Sahar still let no space come between them. Having privacy was a rare thing and she was more than happy to take advantage of it whilst she could.

He nodded excitingly once she told him to see then as the best couple, because he honestly thought that’d be them. Sahar and he were always very close and they were great as friends, so he could only expect and hope that they’d be great as a couple. Couple. The word was still reverberating on his mind, making him feel a good tickle on his stomach. “Meh, fuck other people!” He slapped the air, laughing at his own words; Nolan wasn’t the one to really curse, unless he was nervous, but this time he meant it. He didn’t care about what other people think, now more than ever, since he had Sahar with him. “Oh well, you’ll have to live with it, that’s just how it is!” In a joke, he shrugged as if there was no other solution than accepting it. “You didn’t make a move on me so no crying now!” His smile was wide and he couldn’t help himself but play around with her, as usual. “A carpet of clothes?” He asked raising one of his eyebrows in curiosity. Nolan wasn’t very organized when he was at home because he usually didn’t have to be, he had someone that tided his room up for him, which made him a bit spoiled; he learnt to be a bit more responsible once he started going on tours and he had one to do it for him. “Tsc, such a mess you are.” Again, he joked. He’d never get over of how natural and right having their hands together felt, the way his heart raced at every glance they exchanged. He was still tidying up his lyrics when she asked him about it, so he looked at her over his shoulder and felt a slight warmth on his cheeks. “Yeah.” Since part of his lyrics was written when thinking of her, he wasn’t quite ready for her to see it yet; honestly, he didn’t want to scare her or anything like this. “I always write something before I go to bed.” That was true, it was rare for Nolan to actually fall asleep before composing something or practicing something. Now that he was closer to her again, he smiled, lips lightly on hers. “You think so? Next to you I am almost as tall as a tree, so…” His voice was playful, but he spoke in a whisper, fitting his lips to hers slowly. He kissed her again, a slow and yet intense kiss, wanting to learn even more about how she kissed. His eyes were closed and he started to walk backwards again, but this one time he pulled her with him until he felt his mattress behind his knees, sitting down gradually without wanting to part their lips.

A couple of seconds of silence filled the air after Nolan slapped the air and Sahar simply stared blankly at him. “You’re so weird.” She stated, though it was evident that there was not a single drop of malice intent behind the comment. It was definitely something she agreed with, other people’s opinions really carried no weight when it came to their relationship going forwards. Unfortunately, that was something that you learnt to deal with quickly when it came to being in the public eye. “I can’t believe how selfish you are,” she teased, “it’s all coming out now.” There were some people who were difficult to read and that made it even more difficult to know when they were joking - this wasn’t the case with these two. It had always been easy. “Listen! The one thing I needed was at the bottom of my suitcase and I’d just finished packing. It’s totally legitimate.” It all came out matter-of-factly. A wide grin was becoming her most common expression around him and here she was, wearing it again, as she watched him clear away the papers. Listening to his music was nothing new to her but she was certain that it’d be on a whole new level now; the guy singing those songs was hers. “Oh yeah? So when’s the album coming out then, hm?” She questioned with a cheeky grin on her face, eyebrows raised in her own amusement. It almost tickled the way his lips brushed against hers as he spoke. In fact, it sent a shiver down her spine in the best way possible. If her eyes had been fully open at that moment in time then she would’ve been rolling them so instead, she stood lightly on his foot for a moment, mumbling a quiet ‘shut up’ against his lips. Sahar found herself nearly tripping over her own feet as she walked forward in an attempt to stay as close as possible. Only once he was fully sat down did she find herself moving to straddle his lap, her hands cupping his face. Without even thinking, she was deepening the kiss, yet still taking it somewhat slow. This time it was her tongue searching for his. It felt nowhere near as needy and messy as that first kiss, but inside, all those feelings were still whirring around her mind.

He couldn’t ague about him being weird, since he really was and was completely aware of it. Nolan always had a personality that somehow made him weird and grew to like it; he really thought the weirdest people were the most amazing ones. And he knew how weird Sahar could be too. At being selfish, he shrugged. “What can I say? You’re meeting the real me now.” As per use, he spoke playfully. Truth be told, he did have a hard time trying to read Sahar, trying to figure out exactly what she was thinking, reasons why he didn’t try to make a move before that night, when Milo gave him a little push and he found his courage in a all. He was thankful, both to Milo and his braveness. He couldn’t help but smiling wider once she asked him about his album; it was he real passion, writing songs and singing, so knowing she actually cared about it, it was enough to make him even happier. “I don’t know yet, but soon I hope?” He had just recorded two new songs and once they get back from Hawaii he’d start filming his new video, so his album was probably just around the corner. Even being told to shush by her was something endearing, so he smiled just a bit once she did. His hands slid around her waist, until he reached her thighs, pressing it slightly, now that Sahar was in his lap and he was quiet, indeed, he was busy doing much more interesting things. He got lost in her kiss and there was nothing else to his mind but her, his tongue intertwining with hers slowly, but with an obvious desire, nibbling her lower lip without parting their lips and getting back to the kiss right after.