nooneknows11

[nooneknows11]

i m trying to come up with words of what i am feeling. i am not sure about them, but he made me feel smth and then he left.

there are people who know smths gonna end right, i knew it theoretically but i never realized it and it happened so soon but also so slow. it was a fairytale which eventually turned into another story.

i miss being close to him, but i aint doing shit, there is no point. he is a km away prolly with some other chick.

[nooneknows11]

like i always hated the phrase of needing someone and especially now, i just despise it.

like u are one hell of a motherfucker if u need a person and not want it

[nooneknows11]

God i went the lengths to recover this blog again. I havent been posting much bcz life and also tiktok :d i miss being the tumblr girl tho.

I have been doing fine overall, i have fwb situation which i like pretty much and i stayed at the house i rented and i have a job with nice ppl. However, my physical appearance has a downglow and i have a health issues as always and sometimes i feel nothing.

Sometimes i feel i will always be this lonely the way i am rn. Sometimes i think i will be even worse the next year, bcz well im moving. But i never think that i am going to be fine really, happy to the fullest, loved unearthly, enough for myself in every way, cared undeniably…

I feel like i stopped pressuring myself last year, but i started doing it again in this one. Without any realistic outcome.

I aint know shit which is going to happen to me or with others around the world. I simply have no idea where my life is going at all. I am just surviving, not living.

[nooneknows11]

It’s not about him anymore, it’s about those who were after him.

One of them is this guy who i kinda have feelings for but kinda not, well sexual attraction definitely,but I’m acting as a shallow and easy person around him, bcz i think if he knew the real me, he would either be obsessed with me or hate me. And him knowing the real me, would hurt me. Now i am just annoying him,but lets be real he kinda enjoys it. The thing is from tomorrow it ends with its reasons.

I am breaking but differently. I always thought, that i could smth. Someone would like me or love me, well for at least like me or sexually like me and now its like i cant see myself in that way. Like me with someone else seems impossible, seems unreal. I am a fucking hopeless romantic, but welp broken one.

I cant wrap my head around boys anymore. Its not about the hurt anymore, its abt me. ME. I am the wrong one all the time without even quite knowing me. I am just not enough, not even close. And i am jealous of ppl who have that. Its bad i know but they have smth special, someone special. I wanted that.

Now all i want is to stop. Stop feeling. Stop feeling feelings for boys or anyone. I am tired, i am so tiired, u have no idea. And this is only one piece of my life.

[nooneknows11]

So if u ever see this , i want u to know smth

I HATE u with all my heart

[nooneknows11]

Some days are harder than others, some days when i am working or eating or doing smth dis unbearable feeling pops up and i miss you with everything that i have, some would say its bullshit, u cant love someone after all dis things, after going back and forth with each other, u cant love someone who was never yours, you cant love someone you havent actually really one on one met, but i am the only one who knows the truth, which is that somehow magically i fell in love with you tooo deeply, more than i could have, you were the only one i fell in love with, even tho i have met all dis people over the years, no one was ever close , which sucks, sometimes i wonder what would it be like to be loved by you? Would it be a curse or a heaven? I guess we will never know. You never really had any feelings for me and u never really cared abt me and sometimes thats a lot to deal. I was the girl who didnt fucking believe in love and after u i will become the same girl again who doesnt believes in love, love hurts, i used to fight that sentence, but it does hurt a lot and i dont wanna ever fall in love again, you broke love for me , Its not ur fault, but it is l,but its not, u made me feel all those things and it sucks, anyways overall i am beyond lucky that i at least got to meet u , i met u when i needed u the most and i hope i gave u as much as u gave me when we were still talking, i was ur middo and u were the awesome for me, but now i have to burry the nicknames with u too , i am giving up, or call it whatever u want, im never coming back, u never did, so i cant fighting for somebody who doesnt even want me, im turning it off, so goodbye my love

[nooneknows11]

My current miserable self misses my old miserable self, u know what that means right, i guess u can get worse after all

[nooneknows11]

I was fine for few days and now it slowly creeps up on me

[nooneknows11]

I am one of those girls for him that he will add to the list who liked him and be proud of it

[nooneknows11]

[nooneknows11]

This world was never made to be mine and i was never made for this world

[nooneknows11]

I think im not going to be able to live . All i do wish for lately is to be dead

[nooneknows11]

I destroy everything i touch

[nooneknows11]

I grew up believing that I was hard to love — and that any sort of kindness was lost on someone like me.

[nooneknows11]

“I look in the mirror and I see too much of someone who isn’t enough”

— Me

[nooneknows11]

[nooneknows11]

People think that suicide is a choice and yes it is but right now it feels like the only fucking answer.