nospendtillbrooklyn

[nospendtillbrooklyn]

!!

I realized today (look no one said I was going to be -good- at this) that I have one whole follower. This is infinitely pleasing to me. Because that means at least one other person on this rock hurling through space relates to what I am trying to do. Thank you, person!

[nospendtillbrooklyn]

Pausing a No Buy, Failing a No Buy: Belated. Because I suck at consistency

It’s been a minute since I updated. This is for a couple of reasons. The first, and most important is that I suck at consistency. I get distracted easily (I do have ADHD after all) but I also get busy with my life, with work and I run out of bandwidth to write about my experiences. Which I think is actually kind of a shame because I’ve had some really interesting experiences around the no-buy. The second reason for the lack of updates is that I attended an art show a couple of weeks ago and immediately upon coming home came down with covid. It sucked. I spent 7 days basically a zombie. Between the virus causing fatigue (like going let the dogs out to go potty and need a two hour nap fatigue) and the cold medicine induced fuege state I basically became one with my couch for a week. And the week after while I was testing negative, and didn’t have any of the worst symptoms I was still struggling with the fatigue.

But I’m recovered. And living my life (okay I am really just catching up on work after two weeks of covid related crud.) So let’s talk about the No Buy.

Originally when I set out to do my No Buy, it was the beginning of August. I set the original intention to be two weeks. Just to see if I could really do that. As I dove in, after a week I extended it to September 21st. I chose that date because it was roughly 6 weeks from the official start of my No Buy, and because it was during a trip surrounding my exhibition at the art festival. And I love me a gift shop, y’all. So I knew that would pose a challenge of different kinds for me. So I wanted the option to be done, and not beat myself up if I bought some souvenirs. As my No Buy progressed I realized I wanted to extend it till December, December 31st specifically. So I made some choices.

The first was that on September 21st I paused the No Buy. I was in a beautiful, incredible place and I was so tempted and struggling with Not Buying Things. Especially since the town I was in is almost entirely supported by summer tourism, which was coming to a close. So I compromised. I paused the No Buy as that was my original end date. What I found was that I did not want to buy all the gimmicky teeshirts and things in the past I might have been tempted by. My brain was recognizing, acknowledging that I have plenty of clothes (I am by no means a clothes addict, but I have plenty of clothes and could stand to have a few less… especially tee shirts.) But what I did buy was stickers, and post cards to put into my scrapbook journal as a means to document my experiences. I bought a beautiful artistic map print of the absolutely stunning wilderness that surrounded this quaint little mountain town. And one bandanna that had a beautiful print. All of which I think would constitute a failure for my No Buy, which was why I paused it.

Did I need to? I am not sure I did. I think I might have been okay not buying the things I did. I didn’t -have- to buy them, I had no real genuine need of them. But they were fun, cool and I collect stickers to put into my scrapbook journal and onto water bottles etc. I think my No Buy might be more authentic had I not paused it. But I felt so proud of myself that how I spent money that weekend was almost exclusively on food (required because I was staying in a hotel so there was no cooking option.) I did not buy anything for my service dog (look his collection of collars is extensive, I buy a lot of things for him… that he does not need.) I did not buy any fun tee shirts. I didn’t spend frivolously on expensive meals, mostly because I would purchase a lunch, eat half and take the rest back to my hotel to heat up later. I toured the little shops of the town, and I saw some art, and things that I really liked and would genuinely have enjoyed in my home… but I recognized they weren’t things I needed in my home. I have more art then can fit on the walls of my small house. I have more books and  tchotchkes then can fit on the bookshelves I have. (One of the many reasons books are expressly forbidden in my No Buy my TBR is impressively stacked.) Something has definitely changed with in my brain about shopping. But I am not perfect.

I did Fail. I booked a photosession for myself and my horse. I have almost no photos of the two of us together. I’ve recently lost 30 pounds and don’t have any good headshots for my business site. I thought this was a good opportunity to congratulate myself on the weight-loss, and get some decent photos. But I realized about an hour after I booked the session; this was not a need. I don’t HAVE to do this. There is no dire pressing need that couldn’t wait till next spring after the No Buy is scheduled to be finished (more on this later.) I confessed this failure to my accountability buddy (who is not my partner, though my partner is also part of my accountability.) And I felt bad about it for quite a while. I could have canceled it and forfeit the deposit. But that didn’t seem the right thing to do either. So I told my partner I would write about this failure, and what happened during and how my brain simply did not recognize it was a failure until after the fact.

The photographer had placed an add, I follow them because they happen to live on the property where I board my horse. They help out around the barn, and her work is honestly beautiful. It has a very modern western flare, and she is always taking photos of the boarders and their horses. She was advertising mini sessions on site. And I thought “man I’d love some photos of me and Horse.” (His name is not ‘Horse’ though it would be funny if it was, but this is a place anonymity and my horse’s name is fairly recognizable to any one who knows me, or of me.) Next thing I knew I had paid a deposit. I wasn’t even aware of it until it was over. And it took my partner pointing out ‘did this break your No Buy?” for me to even realize: yes, yes it did.

Immediately I felt sick. What the hell happened? How did I simply skip out on recognizing this behavior as a violation of the No Buy? How did I just make this decision and not think twice about it? I spiraled through the dark thoughts of this invalidating the entire project. I swam in dark waters of beating myself up, and kicking my mental ass. Raking my psyche over the coals of ‘ you are a failure!’ My heart raced and racked my brain to figure out HOW I let this happen.

The reality is that the reason I made this choice was because one of the things I have done through out myself is ‘treat myself.’ I treat myself when I am feeling good, and when I am feeling bad. Shopping was used as a means to measure ‘rewarding myself’ for things, or making myself feel better. Now this is a learned behavior, both of my partners have throughout my life done this for their children and themselves. It’s a behavior that was modeled to me very young from my grandmother(s) as well. So I come by it honestly. But I need to break this cycle. This is the part of my No Buy that is going to be hardest, because what I bought wasn’t a material good (which I clearly have already gotten much more adapt at avoiding) I did not connect that the behavior was the same at it’s core. That ‘treating myself’ is going to be the biggest thing I have to unlearn in my journey to under consumption, environmental conscious consumption and just having Less Stuff.

So what did I do? I’ve kept the appointment. Because I did not want to forfeit the deposit. Because the photos will have use and purpose in my life and my career. But I also added to my mental checklist about reasons I am spending money. And I went back and redoubled my consumption of books and online content (y’all youtube is free and invaluable to help reprogram your brain, also podcasts are free) that helps me stay in the head space of Not Buying Stuff. I don’t know that I will post the photos here. Annonymity is important to me in this space, at this moment.

Things like this are valuable lessons in a No Buy journey. Because things like this are where you do learn what triggers your spending, and what you need to do to consciously reprogram your brain to avoid these things effecting your wallet. Is it a lesson I needed? I don’t want to say yes and have it feel like I’m justifying what I did. But the truth is, I am not sure I would have realized that trigger point any other way. I was genuinely unaware of how I was failing my No Buy in the moments where I signed up for this photoshoot. It was entirely blocked in my mind and it was only later, with an outside perspective, that I recognized what really transpired in that transaction. I can be more mindful going forward, something I am not sure I would have really recognized with out that failure. It’s not justifiable, and I owe it to this blog and the honor of my No Buy to be truthful in confessing how I failed. But hopefully the lesson I’ve taken away it will serve me going forward.

And forward I shall go. Right now the No Buy is scheduled to end December 31st. But I have already discussed with my partner extending it to a full year, so August 2025 would be the end. They have very wisely pointed out I should focus on getting to the end of this year first (I am very prone to “if a little is good, a lot is going to be great…” right up into injury and catastrophe.) But the longer this goes on, the more I want to enter a lifestyle that emphasizes the principals of a No Buy. I want to simply LIVE this way. That when I do purchase something non-essential it’s conscious, it’s intentional and it serves me and not serves just buying something. I want to live this way because it’s better for the Earth and our struggling environment. I want to live this way because I want to someday own land for my horse, and to be a farmer again (I grew up on a horse farm.) I want to live this way because my partner and I want to live in a 500sq foot home with out a life burdened by Things. So while officially this No Buy will end December 31st. I think it’s going to end up being extended again. And from there? Maybe I can simply just finally change my behavior to be a conscious consumer of very little things. I want to live this way because my rig has 202,000+ miles on it and will not live forever, and a car payment is going to make a giant impact on my budget.

And maybe as time goes on I can get more consistent with this blog. And I can delve deeper into my family’s pattern of Treat Yo’Self shopping that has clearly informed my own behavior. And I can share ways I am trying to consume less, and impact the environment in more positive ways.

I hope if you’re here, if you’re reading this, you stick around. You find value in my self reflection and the weird, inconsistent thoughts on what I am trying to do. If not, that’s okay. Because I’m going to keep at it, even if I struggle with it.

Enjoy a cellphone snapshot of the place I was in for my art show.

[nospendtillbrooklyn]

Punishing Myself & No Buy Areas of Struggle

Last week I reported shifts in my spending mindset. Shifts that I think point towards really making positive changes. But there are areas I am still some what at odds with myself over. I had built into my No Buy plan exceptions for being out with friends to going out to eat etc. And this past weekend and the weekend before I used those exceptions. Both in small ways. But even though they were built into my plan, I felt a little like I was cheating some how. Maybe because so often I see No Buy content that reflects a zero tolerance policy on such “frivolous” things.

Last weekend I got a cinnamon roll at a small town bakery after exploring with some friends. This weekend I bought a slice of pumpkin bread while at a farmers market to get veggies when I realized I hadn’t eaten anything all day and I was feeling pretty sickly because of it. Both instances are with in my No Buy Exceptions. Both times I felt guilty. I think this is related to something else in my psychology beyond my spending habits.

I think I began this journey for two primary reasons. The first was obviously an attempt to curb spending and get better financial control over my situation. Both in terms of my future, and just because I was beginning to feel the weight of my spending habits having a negative impact. But the second was less obvious to me at first, but has since become pretty clear… I was in some way punishing myself for not being as disciplined or “Good at” finances as I felt I should be. This became more obvious this weekend as I was mentally beating myself up over the pumpkin bread.

I am hard on myself. I have always been hard on myself. We can blame this on my upbringing (a strict one, living on a farm with a lot of responsibilities for the care and livelihood of the place from a young age) or we can blame this on who I am as a person. I suspect it’s both really. But I am very hard on myself. And any time I ‘screw up’ I have a tendency to mentally beat myself up over it for ages. This is not, objectively speaking, healthy.

It’s okay that I bought a couple of baked goods. It’s okay that I was out with friends, enjoying the place in which I live and I supported two small local businesses. Neither one was a huge purchase. And neither one was actually on my No Buy list. But I felt guilty about both. So I am trying to sit with that, and unpack it.

Is it possible to make changes with out punishing yourself? Am I really taking this No Buy challenge on as a means to punish myself for past supposed “wrongs?” I think I might. And that means I need to unpack that, and I need to change that mindset.

So today, instead of talking about debt and repayment plans (none of which are fun) I am going to talk about long term goals, and why it matters so much to me to change my spending habits.

Consumer culture is a problem. The constant buy-buy-buy is bad for the planet, but it’s also bad for us as humans. It robs us of so much creativity, so much connection with our world when we simply buy things as a means to fulfill ourselves. And I know for a fact I am as guilty of this as any one. I think in many ways this is a learned trait as my mother was very much in this habit as well. And I don’t want to live that way. I don’t want to have more things to take care of, to move, to store, to keep free of dust and cobwebs. I want less things. I want to contribute to the landfill less and less as time goes on.

(These images were taken yesterday, as I helped scout these discarded trailers at a landfill for kittens lost in a hoarding and neglect case. - One of these trailers was moved to the landfill after being abandoned and declared a biohazard. Upon it being at the landfill it was discovered a colony of cats had been living there...so the rescue group I work with has been helping catch and remove them safely. But this felt like a scene from Mad Max to see these structures sitting in the dirt and bits of plastic debris all around. And I just want to opt out of contributing to that.) My partner and I want to eventually have some acreage. Having grown up on a farm I miss being able to step out my door and see my horses. See my goats and chickens and take stock of what is happening with all of them. And this is something I want to go back to. My partner grew up in the deepest parts of the city in southern California, longing to escape to a quiet farm with peaceful winds and no sounds of sirens. But we are in an area of the country where the expense of buying land has skyrocketed. Even in the most rural parts, where there is no industry of much infrastructure to support growth , the land has doubled in value in the last 4 years. Even in our busy suburb the house we bought 5 years ago has almost doubled in value. This means should we want to ever reach for that dream of acreage in a quiet place we are going to have to be really clever about it. We are going to have to save a lot of money.

Our dreams involve a house on land, with a small sustainable working farm that provides the bulk of what we need to live day to day brought from the land by our own two hands and a horse drawn plow or two. We want a sustainable homestead, where we can be as off grid as possible (I am unwilling to sacrifice internet access, as an exception.) And I’ve rather recently been able to convince my partner that a tiny home (something in the 400sq foot range) would allow us to heat and cool the place with a wood stove, solar panels and not much else. Sustainable farming as the end result.

In this mission towards sustainability we have been changing our consumption habits. I went strict vegetarian over 18 months ago as a means to reduce my carbon footprint. My partner still eats meat upon occasion, but it’s rare. We buy as much as we can in bulk, storing it in recycled glass containers. We shop for veggies locally at markets and stands whenever possible. We no longer purchase items that are not eco friendly such as paper towels (replacing them with rags from old worn out clothing, towels etc.) We are both committed to avoiding fast fashion, opting instead to work towards cultivately a wardrobe of long lasting quality pieces or if we have the occasional ‘fast’ tee shirt it’s printed by an artist and not a means of profit for a big box store.

I don’t’ know that we could ever achieve “zero waste” (we don’t live in an area where that is really accessible) but we are committed to just reducing what we produce for the landfill as much as we can. Every week the wheely bins are just a little bit lighter. And it feels good. It feels good to reuse things, to have purpose to everything in our home and to not just go out and buy something because it is convenient. There is something very satisfying about ‘making do’ like some primitive part of the brain congratulates its self on being a “very clever primate, indeed.”

So where does the No Buy fit into all of this? Simple, the less I buy, the less waste I make. But also the less I buy the more money that can be put towards paying off debt, and saving towards that dream of building a little tiny home on a few acres and watching my horses graze in a field on a summer night.

So I am making a conscious effort to stop the downward spiral of ‘you are bad for buying things’ and shift that mindset towards; ‘you’re keeping that money to buy fencing on a 5 acre pasture for your horse.’ I am not always successful at this re-framing, especially in the moment, but it’s a lot more pleasant to try than to continue to let my mind beat me up for buying breakfast.

[nospendtillbrooklyn]

An Update: Three Weeks in. And I am noticing some changes...

I meant to write this post last week. And maybe the week before that. But I have been so busy, the effort needed to write this post just did not exist. But I wanted to write one today because I think it’s important to keep holding myself accountable to this No Buy experience.

As the tagline says, I have noticed some changes. My budget is still not where I want it to be, but that it is mostly because I am still getting myself organized. It’s not a skill that comes naturally to me. And I am working really hard at taking extra income and placing it towards debt and building up my savings account. To my day to day wallet doesn’t feel much different. But my mindset sure does.

I have always been someone with a slightly disordered eating habit. I tend to really make some questionable choices, and go long stretches with out eating. This would result in me being absolutely starving at random hours during my work day, and would prompt me to stop somewhere to “Grab something to go.” Usually from a gas station or grocery store. But those little things add up. So one of the first things that went into my No Buy plan was to eliminate that extra spending. And I have three weeks in noticed myself not feeling tempted to stop, to plan more ahead and to live with what is available at home (even if it’s not exactly what I am craving in that moment.) This feels like such a win to me, to notice myself easily self correcting when temptation rises.

It’s happening else where too. I was in the pet store, a place where I would often over spend to ‘treat the dogs’ to some fun stuff, and I purchased the necessary pet food I needed and rolled out the door easy-breezy. The pet store I frequent is close to a Sierra Trading Post, a place I could easily drop $50 to $100 on a given trip. Mostly on things I didn’t really need. I walked right by it.

These little changes from an outside perspective seem so small to me. But when I think about the irresponsible spending I have engaged in in the past, I feel a tremendous sense of accomplishment. It’s working. I am shifting how I view spending and shopping, not as a hobby thing to fill a void of stress or boredom.

What I have purchased the last three weeks has been 100% required. I purchased some replacement parts for my weed whacker on Amazon. I bought some supplies to print and mount some photos for the fair show locally. And next week I am having a photo matted and framed and shipped for a gallery show at an arts festival. Over all the expenses out side of necessities have been things that are not typical (the last time I bought parts for the weed whacker was two years ago.) And I am pleased that I have multiple times come up against temptations to swing through a coffee drive thru, or browse a favorite store (because it’s never just browsing…) and been able to easily redirect my thought process.

For any one considering a No Buy, I would highly recommend it. Recognizing that no two No Buys will look alike, and setting up your personal No Buy might be different from mine. For example your No Buy might leave room for eating out, while mine doesn’t. Your No Buy might allow some types of clothing or metrics on when you can purchase clothing, where as even if something breaks (outside of hiking boots of which I only have one pair) I will just have to live with it until I have nothing that can fill the void. And in my case, I have plenty that can fill the void. Your No Buy doesn’t necessarily need to require you to declutter at the same time (Though I think it’s a really good exercise in “why do I have so much stuff??”) But even just 3 weeks in, I am consciously aware of my spending and finding making choices to align with the No Buy easier and easier. It is less and less of a “no you’re on a no buy” and more of a “we don’t need that.” And that feels like a powerful place to start really commanding my finances.

Next up? A break down of debt pay-offs.

[nospendtillbrooklyn]

No Spend Till Brooklyn

I have a shopping problem. Not in the sense that I am tens of thousands of dollars into debt. But in the sense that I tend to spend whatever is in my wallet.

I come by this behavior pattern honestly. Both of my parents have various ways in which they like to shop. And I suppose it has rubbed off on me. But that doesn’t mean I am helpless to change it.

Change is often difficult. So enter this blog.

There are several strategies for creating behavior change in humans. Goal setting. Manage stress. Deep dive into what triggers your behavior. Avoid temptations. Reinforce yourself periodically. Etc etc.

For me the key to changing behaviors when I am largely going to be dependent upon myself is accountability.  I do better making changes when ultimately I have to answer to someone, or in this case something (is a blog a thing? Is a blog merely a vehicle for actual people? I don’t know but I am curious .) I am more consistent with anything in my life when I know someone else is dependent upon me to maintain the behavior. I was a rockstar with my Tomagachi. I am writing this blog it for the next several months as I go on a journey to help curb my shopping, downsize the things I own, and pay down debt that has accumulated.

The title of this blog is shamefully and with out a hint of remorse stolen from a Beastie Boys song. Mostly because when I first started this journey I said “Okay no buy until September.” And almost immediately the Beastie Boys song “No Sleep Till Brooklyn” popped into my head. This in turn caused me to sing the lyrics “No buy until Brooklyn.” And thus the name was born.

The rules are simple. I am not to buy anything that is not absolutely necessary until September 21st. I technically began this on the first of August, as a one week No Buy experiment. I was able to complete it but felt my finances would be better served to extend it. My long term goals are to avoid buying anything unnecessary until the end of the year. But for now let’s just see if we can make it to September.

Below are the sheets I wrote out for myself as my rules and boundaries for the experiment.

So that is the rough plan. I have started outlining what I am looking to downsize, and already begun that project by thinning my closet and some of my book collection. I'm a work in progress. So is my spending.