not-a-heretic

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pretty close to the actual dream this was based upon tbh, with a few alterations and less insight ofc. i HAVE had dreams of him by a cliff side, but those exude more peace than eeriness. as for this dream and what i can say about it, he’s on the roof of the school instead. a small plateau in the architecture that sits just sligthly higher than the surrounding structure but still isn’t the highest point of the building. alex sees him up there, decides to join him as driven by his usual, skeptical curiosity towards nigel— and maybe a bit of worry for him as well. (worry, in the same sense as if you were to view the earlier scene of the film wherein he’s crying while holding nigel regardless of having actually hated him the entire time, then consider how that reflects and alludes to alex’s contradictory-caring nature for the wellbeing of other people + how he never wanted to see anyone hurt, despite how it challenges all other aspects of his behavior. apply that same inference here to understand his motives, even if you don’t personally believe that’s what he was feeling within the aforementioned scene in the film. it’s not worry FOR nigel, just worry for the circumstance and what will come of it in general.)

there’s something about nigel’s demeanor that doesn’t quite indicate if he’s alive or dead. even still, he’s contemplating suicide. whether that’s because he doesn’t know that he’s dead or because he isn’t yet, i really couldn’t say. he definitely wasn’t thinking of anyone else in this moment though; not other people that have fallen or what destruction the impact would bring, just how it would feel to fall when he does, and he likely DID do it even if i wasn’t asleep long enough to watch. i don’t remember much more about this dream, it was a long time ago that i had it, i’m sure i have it written down somewhere and this isn’t my only drawing of said dream because the image has stuck with me. i can really only recall how harsh the wind was and the sense of anxiety that was provided by the expectancy that a strong enough gust would send him falling, as he’d stagger to varying degrees everytime it nudged him in either direction. the loud, overwhelming wind and the way it muffled alex’s cautious calls for nigel (but not entirely) as he crept towards him and the sound of rustling clothing and a storm rolling in while the air smelt of salt and mud. i don’t usually like to try to get into nigel’s head, not during the film, not in dreams. but his expression was unmistakable and i appreciate the mystery behind his masked thoughts. it was scenic enough for me to be satisfied with my initial takeaway and not try to dissect the topic any further. just know that the crisp air bit his face on his comparably cold skin, and alex was just as nervous for nigel as he was of him.

the wind

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the wind

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what alex saw the entire film btw

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let’s play a game called What Do We Think not-a-heretic Thought of Superman (2025)?

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thinking about this bloodthirsty bastard from the depths of hell again. if i find the time, i may finish writing the 2nd out of 3rd chapter for this fic. i absolutely refuse to post any of it until its complete though.

more vampire nigel

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close to a year later and i’ve gotten desperate. so here i am. learning anatomy. absolutely revolting.

i hate that nearly all of the 3d human art models are for anime or other kinds of stylized art. like what are us semi-realism artists supposed to do? actually learn anatomy???? disgusting.

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others from today

using Line of Action to practice some nude poses so i can draw even more explicit porn.

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if you ever feel silly about painting the same stuff over and over again pls remember that Monet spent all of the money he's made (by the time he was in his 40s he's made enough money to retire) to build a garden exactly to his liking and then proceeded to paint it over and over again until he died at 86

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using Line of Action to practice some nude poses so i can draw even more explicit porn.

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2hr and 4min quick color experiment because not even art block can stop me from inflicting religious themes upon them and i’m missing necro #philia jesus like a mf rn.

speedpaint.

i have a very very faint layer that doesn’t show up on the poor quality speedpaint under the *actual* sketch that consists of just circles and shapes as guides for where everything needs to go. i wish i could lay down the first sketch that confidently but i cannot.

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i hope you enjoy the print! <333

Hey, @not-a-heretic, I love you, thank you ❤️ just arrived ❤️ thank you ❤️ art by @not-a-heretic, available at inprnt.com!! I love you ❤️ 4B 4EVER!!

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constantly drawing the same concept. can you guys tell i have a favorite theme? no but really, i’m done now. just had to get the sketch out of my system because what happened on the crawlspace haunts me.

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spreading you open is the only way of knowing you

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digging up my old notes to finally elaborate on the difference between these two drawings and why the one with blood is ALSO entirely seperate from the one without.

to put it most simply, it comes down to which of the drawings are pre and post-nigel’s death.

whereas you have the one on the right, in which alex is starved but somewhat skeptical of the affection he's receiving, he's still reveling in it. almost as if he's ready to grab nigel's hand and press his face more desperately into his soft caressing. it's new to him, it's unfamiliar but he's taken aback and grateful. everything he'd ever wanted is right in front of him by the hands of the person he'd never asked, wanted, or anticipated it from. yet it's there all the same and he's leaning into it for once in his life, surrendering.

the one on the left however portrays something different. nigel is dead. the hands holding him are for nothing. they can't reach him. he's exhausted and too numb and worn from the fight of constantly seeking love to even accept it anymore. much less from whoever is touching him. he's almost bitter about it- that now of all times they come to him- but ultimately he's just heartbroken and hurt from separate circumstances. he wants it to be over and the attention he'd been looking for provided none of the hope he'd expected in his earlier years when he'd fought for it so hard. now he's given up. he's been beaten down mercilessly until the naive boy who might've adored this small moment was decaying inside of him. long since dead, alongside that of his partner. he's cried all that he had left within him, the tears hadn't made him feel any better. it's over. — but in the given circumstance that he’s then decorated with blood, it could fall into two categories; both of which involving nigel’s presence somehow. whether that be his hallucination or his actual, alive, physical form. the overall theme is still the same i guess regarding alex’s defeat and exhaustion, but it comes in some small way as a spite or hatefulness towards nigel for a.) making him into this or b.) being dead and only a hallucination- he just can’t forgive his absence.

to summarize. without blood = sadness born of grief. with blood = sadness born of anger.

he doesn’t want to play anymore.

continuing the tradition of having a bloody version anytime i draw someone touching alex’s face. only thematically, the two drawings are completely different with and without blood. if you ask me about it, i’ll tell you why.

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guess who finally has some time off but forgot how to draw??? *insert tiktok influencer spencewuah jumping up and down while clapping his hands saying “omg me!!!”*

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my lore- MY LORE. i’m gonna ramble anyway whether or not any of you want me to because i have so much to say about this and need to share it or i’m gonna peel the skin of my face off.

i based alex pretty heavily on Caesar Domitian. the time period felt right and the personality was pretty congruent to alex’s as well. although “alex” in this au didn’t have an older brother. i liked the idea of him being the first rightful heir of this bloodline as it was only his father who had overtaken the throne and left it to him with rome in…. uhh, relatively good condition. (Dr. Forbes/Vespasian would’ve been a beloved ruler if my memory of roman history serves, but almost embarrassingly, the flavian dynasty died with “alex”). i liked this time period because of the tension between rome and their people and how Domitian combatted that. all things considered, he was quite the tactful little bastard and relied strongly on his strategies in politics to keep himself from being publicly executed like every other week, which is where i felt nigel had a good place. “nigel” in this au isn’t exactly a member of the senate i don’t think, and if he is, he’s not a very good one because he serves the caesar in a way more similar to how one would treat a monarch. he favors alex too much and allows that to cloud his better judgement. bro is NOT serving rome ❌. so now the aristocracy has got two evil twinks to hate who happen to be an impenetrable force together.

how “nigel” ends up in rome hasn’t yet been decided, but likely in some way where he was taken or given to the emperor against his will. he’s incredibly knowledgeable though and “alex” absolutely adored that about him. their relationship is one that could never be confirmed by future historians on whether it was explicitly romantic, but from what they infer from all the old records, stories and maybe a few statues here and there, they assume that there was a good deal of romantic involvement between the two. especially given that when the emperor’s body was found, his loyal advisor (nigel) was found with him in the exact same brutally mutilated manner.

now, if you know anything about the au’s caitlin and i usually cook up, more often that not, they involve the sweetbitter character Jake. i’ll let her elaborate more on that if she wants to, and maybe if you ask nicely she’ll share some of her own drawings she made for this au. but i’ll give you the basic rundown.

as aforementioned, there’s a lot of tension between the roman people and their lovely politicians. this was kept relatively under control by entertainment however. they really channeled the Panem et Circensus policy (Bread and Circus; this policy can be most easily defined by the quote by Juvenal "Give them bread and circuses and they will never revolt.")

and the circus was indeed grand, chariot races and shit? are you joking? hell yeah, i’d love to see that. but involved in this circus, were the ever famous Gladiators. do you see where i’m going with this? Jake, taken as a slave for some sort of criminal offense i presume (as most Gladiators were) has been given the privilege of battling in front of the emperor himself, and accompanied by that little bastard is, at all times, his beloved freak of nature. “nigel” generally cares very little for these sorts of things, alex is pretty entertained by them though (i should certainly hope, they’re catered predominantly towards his interest) but what does catch his eye, is the way Jake completely obliterates his poor opponent’s skull in the center of the amphitheater. thats where i’m gonna suspend my storytelling regarding jake and how his grand tale plays out. but just know, “nigel’s” initials were engraved into “jake’s” breastplate- and that was far from the last time jake theatrically slaughtered men in front of that little deviant for his approval. just use your imagination i guess. or caitlin, if you’re here with us, take it away.

you guys… you guys wanna hear about my au!? 😀

some of you may have heard from caitlin that he’s greek but she lied, he’s not. he’s roman. he is roman. the caesar’s weird little foreigner that he keeps around for political counsel.

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you guys… you guys wanna hear about my au!? 😀

some of you may have heard from caitlin that he’s greek but she lied, he’s not. he’s roman. he is roman. the caesar’s weird little foreigner that he keeps around for political counsel.