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tbh… women dont exist to heal men

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I had a dream last night that they made a new Bond movie, but they didn’t say who was playing Bond. Throughout the movie you have no idea which character is really Bond, because he’s undercover, duh. And every single character, no matter how minor, was played by somebody famous, so they could all conceivably be Bond. And at the end it turns out Bond was Leslie Jones.

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The Best ATM Withdrawal Defense

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#me in school

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One Voice Actor | GREY DeLISLE

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How to keep your girl happy:

Step 1: Make her laugh. Step 2: Make her moan.

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where is that cat with the kind and reassuring face

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me before taking a personality quiz: [deep breath] remember who you are

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I love Batgirl.

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“I’m a dirty boy.”

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My cousin is a professional hippo keeper and has advanced far enough in the field of professional hippo keeping that she’s head of..idk, hippos? all giant herbivores? at Disney and has been consulting with the Cincinnati zoo about Fiona.

And being her facebook friend has really introduced me to the subculture of hippo keepers, who apparently all know each other and also can recognize most zoo hippos on sight. 

And man, if you thought cat ladies were bad about the “my precious panther children just bit the shit out of my arm and then vomited on my rug”  shit then I need to tell you that it is NOTHING compared to how hippo people talk about hippos with each other.  For example, my cousin will post a cute video of Fiona and her mother and all her hippo friends will comment things like, “Aww, look at Bibi.  She’s beautiful. Remember that time she bit down while I was brushing her teeth and she broke every bone in my hand?” and all the other people are like,  “Aw, precious Nile princess! I remember riding with you in the ambulance!”

Or she’ll post a picture of baby Fiona gnawing gently on her caregiver’s leg and someone will respond with a picture of a massive bruise she got when a teenage hippo did that and everyone will be like, “hahaha, these nightmare murder beasts sure are wonderful.”