not-vriska-serket21 - Tumblr blog

[not-vriska-serket21]

Someone (I forgot who) in my dash said they liked characters that are shaped like tic tacs, i send my character in a bottle into the great ocean of Tumblr's tag system and I hope he finds you in good health and prosperity whenever he finds you. If you see him please send him on his way however you can, thank you. Have a wonderful day!

[not-vriska-serket21]

Hope all my fellow schizo-spec and psychosis-spec folks are doing well, just remember that you have value even if your symptoms make life difficult to keep up with. You are a valid person and don't let your mind or anyone else tell you otherwise. Episodes can be very difficult for everyone involved, especially when you are experiencing hallucinations and delusions. When you are in an episode it is difficult to check in with the ones who love and care for you and see how they are feeling, so remember to take the chance to let them know they are appreciated whenever you can and are able to.

Anyway what I am trying to say is that you are loved, by me at the very least. I hope you all the best in your endeavours, whatever they may be, and know that you have my support in spirit even if I cannot provide it in person. I know dealing with schizophrenia/psychosis can suck very hard and my words probably will mean little to many but I hope the few who may read it and find some value in it will find some solace.

The young Argonian prince looks down over you with fondness and appreciation for your diligence and patience.

Thanks for reading this rambly post of mine, good night everyone! ::::)

[not-vriska-serket21]

One of my schizosymbols

TW: delusions and psychosis

A symbol I made during one of my psychotic episodes. I know it is basically the Scorpio and Capricorn symbols mixed together but it is still important to me. During this specific episode, I deleted, damaged or destroyed a lot of the things I had gathered or made, which makes me sad but it makes what I have left more precious.

I didn't make many things during that episode, most of what I was doing was magical thinking driven action, which was actually pretty fun but very distressing for those around me. My condition is primarily grandiose delusional but I do hallucinate, although I hallucinate imaginary meaning and context from what I see and then I try to piece everything together. Everything becomes a big magical puzzle that I am the main person cracking the code that will save everyone.

Homestuck became a major feeder of my delusional thinking, it is perfect schizo-fuel for someone like me. I do not resent it in any way, I loved some of the experiences I had during my episodes (one funny experience was basically me and Gamzee having a "rap battle" that was creating the world, paradoxically after it had been created, in perfect weird Homestuck style). It was fun to have imaginary friends that felt just as real as any living person. I basically had Vriska, Karkat and Terezi (my sun, moon and ascendant) as personal advisors, guiding me with "signs" in my environment and through the randomness of algorithms on Spotify and YouTube. My playlists I made during those times are cherished.

I don't want to glamorize things because it is hellish for many on schizospec. I am lucky to have things be the way they are. Grandiose delusions combined with extremely high mood can be very dangerous as it basically turns off all anxiety and fear and makes you incredibly reckless, I got very lucky that I didn't get into serious trouble with the shenanigans I got up to. The strain I put on others around me is something I am regretful over but in the end, when you are in a psychotic state you lose control and fail to notice the effect you have on others (at least in my case, it is a spectrum after all, and every case is different).

Outside of episodes with my meds I am mostly "normal" but I do struggle with the schizophrenic negative symptoms, avolition and anhedonia etc.

Those on the schizospec, let me know what your experiences are like. I would like to talk to people on the spectrum (particularly about grandiose delusions, but I want to hear from everyone!)

Thanks for reading my post! ::::)