notdoingcoke

[notdoingcoke]

[notdoingcoke]

Feels so familiar

[notdoingcoke]

physical eq, Wild

sony walkman wm-f60 cassette player and radio, 1986.

[notdoingcoke]

The plight of a woman… unbeknownst to man

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And I can’t speak for niggas in Hell

[notdoingcoke]

Spoiled milk for a milkshake slick trifling…

[notdoingcoke]

The way 70s chord progressions hit is so weird. I know exactly how it felt. An aggressively rich warmth after being scared or some shit. Like a chick copping an attitude w you. But I couldn’t tell you what chord it was

[notdoingcoke]

[notdoingcoke]

Life of the party of course

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Every time I tell somebody I feel old, they look at me crazy

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This year reminds me of my time spent in kindergarten through first grade. Very formative

[notdoingcoke]

Sugar was the main thing that kept me me going through life

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Missing college park

[notdoingcoke]

The only thing I can hold onto these days is anger, it feels like. All my emotions start from there… but my anger is strong willed and short lived. Easily soluble. I just wish niggas was as real as me so I ain’t have to get all retrospective and shit. I want what I want, how I want it. Needed what I needed when I was younger. But the endearment I thought was possible was never obtainable in full, for me. I see what I see and I say that’s life. But why fight? I need a reason, give me a reason to want more; outside of the love of money and sound

[notdoingcoke]

Every calculation I ever made was always worth it, for me. The question was, how do I build off of it? Why do I choose to? Why can’t I feel what I feel I was intended to feel? Resentment, discontent, even jealousy. It’s been so long. I remember talking about how those feelings would grow to be a thing of the past. I’m appreciative of it, but this side of the moon is devoid of light. It opens me up to a new side of myself I claimed to desire to be, while simultaneously laying waste to what should, and would’ve been an invigorating experience, regardless of the type invigoration evoked; positive or negative. But I was so involved then. The alienation of my soul lets my apathy grow into a feeling I’ve never been able to sit with before. It’s like I’m living in nostalgia. The moment is never current for me, and it feels so intoxicating that way

Nevertheless, I let my disappointment roll off my shoulders. I chalk every negative aspect up to an inevitable crux of human interaction. I developed a notion of what should be my mental sensation at any given moment, but that same cognizance holds me prisoner. I release either too much or too little these days; more often than not, the latter. The game ain’t fun for me that way. But if you deserve the lie then what can I do

[notdoingcoke]

Why does she do this to me at the worst times

[notdoingcoke]