notforgottcn

[notforgottcn]

callie torres quotes → 4x11: Lay Your Hands on Me

[notforgottcn]

La La Land (2016) dir. Damien Chazelle

[notforgottcn]

parabcllums‌:

“i had to become one at some point.” his eyes twinkle. his thoughts - as they often were - were on his father, the kind of man adrian hoped he had become in spite of KNOWING that at one point in time, he had been far from. his teen years had been dark. he hadn’t done much to be proud of, and if he spent too much time thinking back to the worst of it, he’d drive himself insane thinking about all the things he SHOULD have, would have, could have done different. “just happy it’s happened now.”

conscious that adella doesn’t usually let him off the hook with the habit, he takes even puffs in hopes of whittling it down quick, tapping the ash off into the empty space at his side. it’s this or something worse - he’d traded ONE habit for another, and he knows it’s too much to ask she be happy it’s not something serious, but it would’ve sure been nice. “the whole thing is…- a lot. no one would blame you,” or him, for that matter. “she was so young. like we were. a whole fucking…- life, and it’s just- gone, now. something about that stings.”

another inhale, and he drops the cigarette underfoot, stomping it out ( without much thought for the environment and how cigarette stubs make up over HALF of the litter in the world, i, the narrator, might add ). he sticks out his elbow, his arm becoming a stuck out triangle she might loop with, and reforms his SOLEMN expression into something a little lighter. “shall we, ma’am?”

“i don’t know,” she hums. “i feel like you were always at least part of the way there,” addy’s not stupid. she knows that she should perhaps just be grateful that adrian wasn’t doing worse than smoking, but she still can’t erase the thought that those things could seriously fuck up a persons organs. she didn’t even care about the fact she most likely sounded like a hypocrite given her obvious caffeine addiction. something she wouldn’t even blame the other for bringing up. she just cares, almost more than usual given the sheer loss around them.

“it’s weird to think that we were ever her age,” weirder perhaps that they had known each other then. she shrugs. honest with the admittance that it felt like forever ago. “it just...” she heaves out a breath then almost wanting to leave the way she was feeling out there in the cold “makes me miss them... which if weird because i really thought i’d gotten a handle on it,” addy doesn’t mean to sound so calculating, but she was the type of person that did what she had to. even if it seemed she wasn’t as good at letting go as she thought. it had been years without her parents after all. maybe it was always going to hurt just a little.still, she feels steadier after telling him. chest feels a little less tight and she’s able to take his arm and draw comfort from him. “indeed, go sir.”

it’s not a not a long walk back to her apartment and the two of them arrive soon enough. it’s not the largest place addy had ever lives, but she had put in enough effort that it was comfortable. it felt more like home then she could have ever expected moving in, even if now she’s hesitant to say goodbye. “well we made it,” she lingers at the door for a long moment. the laughter at something adrian had said fading. “why don’t you come inside for a bit? unless you’ve got other important stuff to do tonight,”

[notforgottcn]

parabcllums‌:

“it is kind of late.” it’s just a murmur. the quietest agreement. his eyes lift up towards the sky and he takes in the stars, the full moon that was central to them all - it was late, but he had a feeling most of the people inside were going to drag it out a lot LONGER. not out of cruelty, but a desire to stay together. who among them all wanted to go home and be alone with their thoughts on a night like THIS? adrian knew he didn’t.

her little shoulder nudge isn’t enough to knock him by much, but his gaze drops back down to addy’s and he sways backwards, a bit. a little dramatic, but he’s still hoping to make her smile. “no need to thank me, addy,” he even gives a tiny shake of his head, to really push home the fact that…- being there for her was not a CHORE. it wasn’t a hardship. and it never would be. “you’d have done the same.”

digging in his pockets is automatic. subconscious, even. he pulls a box of cigarettes out, and he isn’t even taking note of the motions - having one lit and ready to take a pull of in seconds. it grounds him a little, makes him feel… more there, and more COMFORTABLE. he hadn’t realized how much he’d been itching for one. “i might head home, after this,” he exhales blue tinged smoke through his nose, mostly musing. “if you don’t want to stay, i can walk you back to yours. if you want.” 

“yeah i know,” she responds all too quickly because that’s what they’ve always done isn’t it? been there for each other. addy isn’t sure just where she would have been without him now, having spent so many years stuck together. just like she is completely certain that there was no one else she would have chosen to be with in that moment. after all, just who else was she so comfortable in near silence with. for a person who nearly didn’t shut up that was saying quite a lot.

addy isn’t sure what’s worse: adrian quite clearly stealing her act with the way he reacts to her or the way that she can’t help but laugh at him. a sound that’s not quite a giggle tumbling from her lips before she can even really think about it, rolling her eyes for good measure. she doesn’t say anything as he pulls out a cigarette, a conversation that’s almost worn out between them now. really, it’s almost how odd just how normal this seemed to be for them, despite the unusual setting.

she ignores the almost lurching feeling in her gut when he mentions going home, she doesn’t want to be alone again but more than that: she’s not ready to say goodbye to adrian just yet. still, she didn’t really want to go back inside either. it’d be easy enough to slip away now. “ever the gentleman,” she teases gently, a ghost of a smile remaining on her features. “that’d be nice,” it lets her hang on a little longer, as she’s sure he knows. “now i’m out i really don’t want to set foot back in there again,” she stops herself before making a comment about how current company was much more enticing.

[notforgottcn]

parabcllums‌:

he didn’t know a lot, anymore. that was the price of all that had happened. but he knew ADDY, perhaps better than she thought that he would after so much time - perhaps better than he even deserved to, by now. he didn’t know if it was seeing through her or whether it was understanding who she was, at her core.

“i’ll do my best,” sore subject. his smile was kindly, but there was a unique sort of pain hidden behind those eyes - the kind of a MAN aware of his mortality more than he was aware of anything else. his parents were immortal. his sisters would far longer than the average life expectancy of anyone ordinary. and he…- he was only human. when he was younger, when he had been a bratty upstart with a chip on his shoulder, he had thought that he would live forever. now, he could see the differences between he and theora clear as day ; and the feeling that caused to bloom in his chest left him feeling COLD.

so he kept smiling. he did it WELL, just like pretending he was as fine as she figured he was doing. and when she put her hand on his arm, he allowed it rest there for a moment before he turned to lead the way out ; lifting an arm and allowing it hover around her shoulders, the sleeve of his jacket making more contact with her than he did. and when they broke free of the gazebo ( gods, he hadn’t realized how CLAUSTROPHOBIC it had felt inside until the nighttime breeze was ruffling his hair and he was able to take a deep breath of fresh air ), he turned to her again. “you, uh…-” he wanted to tell her that she looked lovely. that she always did, but especially today. he wanted to try and bring a smile to HER face, because she looked so stressed, and it was all he could think to do. and yet, it wasn’t the time. he rethought. “feel any better, out here?”

“you better,” she spoke not really realising what was going through the other’s head, the way she might have had if she wasn’t so wrapped up in her own head. she’s half playful, half serious trying to not actually realise what she was saying. adrian dying was a literal world ending thought so of course she didn’t want to go there.

death in general was something she really tried not to think about, given that it had taken too much from her already. there was her parents, her twin, two of her birth brothers, and even bruce’s parents (something that had started her father’s whole bat campaign). addy couldn’t lose anyone else, it was as simple as that. regardless of the fact that things between them hadn’t always been easy, they had enough baggage between them that there was no way they were going to get closure on all of it. it didn’t really matter anyway, not really. there were so few people in her life that she really cared about, sure she had andrea and her family but they weren’t the same. she wasn’t about to loose him. should she have told him such? possibly, but she always presumed that somehow he’d just know anyway. 

she’s more than grateful for the way the other gets her out of the gazebo. having to mentally stop herself from leaning into his arm around her. “yeah i just...” she took a second to take a breath, letting herself actually feel her emotions rather than judging herself too harshly. comments about the fact she missed her family died in her throat and instead she fumbled to find something to say. “didn’t realise how late it had gotten,” it’s a nice distraction to just not have to think about the memorial for a few moments, but then addy was always the type to stare at the stars when she could. “thanks...” she speaks knocking his shoulder with her own “for having my back in there,” she knows that really she doesn’t need to thank him, knows that she would have done the same for in a heartbeat, but it felt right to acknowledge it at least in a way that she could.

[notforgottcn]

As a woman, I know you’re young but you gotta hear it now; the most valuable part about you is your brain. Get an education, don’t let anybody tell you that your body or the size that you wear or any of that bullshit matters because it doesn’t. Your brain matters, so be the smart girl in the room because to be funny you have to be smart, because you have to get the joke.

[notforgottcn]

parabcllums‌:

“you’re not.” he can tell from the way her voice lifts at the end ; the tiniest TELL, the sort he’s sure she knows by now but can’t do much to stop. he forgot how FRUSTRATING it was to stand there before adella and know she was the opposite of what she insisted, but be unable to reach the truth. not because he wasn’t worth it, but because this was who she was. on too many levels, he understood THAT much. “you’re not fine. that’s okay.”

more than, at that. it was okay to not be okay, a dozen people had told him in the aftermath of his accident - he’d laughed darkly back then, but with years to reflect back on, it was TRUE. this wasn’t a kind of everyday event that one could get USED to and be naturally good at. whether they had known henrietta well or not…- emotions were all over the place everywhere, and it would have been worse if one could stand there and say they WEREN’T rubbing off on them.

“i get it. i thought…- i thought i had to. but-” a deep breath. a tiny quirk of his lips. it’s not a SMILE, just the motion of one. “i’ve never been good at this.” she’d know that well enough. shifting his weight a little to try and stop his leg from locking, adrian fixed her with an even, blue eyed gaze ; concern the only thing that clouded it. “maybe we should get some air…”

in truth it feels stupid, and more than a little selfish to be being so dramatic. this was a situation that was so clearly about her, at yet she suppose that it can’t help but hit a little too close to home. maybe she’s in denial about her feelings and that’s why she thinks lying to adrian is her best move. it isn’t, after all she had forgotten just how easily he saw through her when he needed to. she nods as he speaks, seeing no point in lying to him.

addy wasn’t especially good at letting other people take care of her, not because she actively tries not to be, she’s just not good admitting when she needs it. her gaze softens as she looks at the other and her posture relaxes slightly. “i guess this means you’re just now allowed to die, because funerals are not my thing,” it’s a dumb joke. a dumb way to remind him that she’s grateful to have him looking out for her, but at the same time it’s so typically them that she can’t help but say it.

she hadn’t even asked him if he was okay, she realised. “you seem to be doing fine to me,” her hand moving to squeeze his arm to try and bring him some comfort more than anything. even after all this time it was just what came naturally to them. if the circumstances were lighter she would have very likely made a dramtic comment about what the people around them would think, instead she simply nods. “no one’s going to miss us for a couple of minutes,”

[notforgottcn]

— Burnell Raphael

🦇 happy batman day! 🦇

[notforgottcn]

parabcllums‌:

ask him and he’d tell the truth : aside from the fact that she HAD come in a couple times to grab a coffee to go, adrian and the deceased shared no real connection. different circles. different lives. the fact he had never known her name until the news broke didn’t mean much, though ; no one deserved what had happened to that girl, and adrian felt it a part of his public duty to show up to the memorial thrown in her honor.

everywhere he looked, there were people handling the whole thing badly. between the kid he’d overheard calling the father of the deceased a ‘big beefy boy’ and the people who were falling apart before everyone’s very eyes, adrian had to admit : it was rough. it was a reminder. he’d done this rodeo one too many times for the people he had lost ( friends long gone but never forgotten ), and he was regretting the part of him that had felt it NECESSARY to pay his respects. he was not soft. just an empath, who knew a little too well the feelings that must have been brewing inside each and every one of the attendees. 

inside adella. he saw her on his peripheral, and the decision wasn’t MUCH of one to make at all : wasn’t the sort of thing that he needed to think about, when it came down to it. he moved towards her like a magnet drawn, and appears at her side in a moment. “how’re you holding up?” everyone knew loss. adella, intimately. it wasn’t the most INSPIRED question, but he was genuine about how much he cared for the answer. “you don’t have to be here, addy.”

in many ways, often more than she would have liked to admit, adella was very much batman’s daughter. they had the same drive, the same seriousness and oddly they loved the same way too (gave everything even if they got nothing in return) even though addy had made great effort to attempt to deal with her ghosts in a healthier manner then her birth father. it had been that same drive to do good that had pushed her towards the police force years after she had given up the cape and cowl of batgirl. it was simply an itch that she could never quite scratch. 

it’s important for her to show her face, or at least she feels like it is, given that she’s on the police force. she’s a public figure and though addy can’t help but doubt that her attendance would really be noticed, it feels important anyway to show up and be there. her only personal emotions towards death and funerals pushed to one side as this frankly wasn’t about her. somehow she ends up in the corner of the room arms crossed awkwardly about her chest, 

something about her eases with his appearance at her side, like settling back into an all too familiar rhythm, even if she doesn’t really notice consciously. in the midst of a chaotic and uncomfortable he’s just as safe and familiar as he always was. “i’m fine,” she answers too quickly, cringing internally at just how untrue it sounded. she couldn’t have blamed him for not believing her. she wouldn’t have is she were him. “i know i just... i figured turning up was the least i could do,” she shrugs slightly, and for perhaps for the first time in her life that she was a little more like her father. “i figured i could handle it,”

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parabcllums‌:

“that does not sound correct…- yet i don’t know enough about the length of time it takes for the average american traffic light to change or average amount of times to be stopped by one to dispute it.” of ALL the conversations they could have been having, ziva couldn’t say that they had expected this ; but also couldn’t help but be… in general, quite fascinated by such small facets of information. it’d been so long, ziva forgave even themselves ( nevermind another ) that their upbringing had been far from regular - and such things not part and parcel. “i suppose it would be IRRESPONSIBLE of me to suggest running the lights…”

“i know right,” addy agreed with a nod. “trust me i would have said that it was much longer,” she wasn’t the most friendly of people but she at least had the common sense to chat with the people she worked with, it passed the time, and often enough she found herself enjoying their company. ziva was most definitely one of the more interesting people she had worked with but there was something about the other that she liked at least. adella nodded then, “the only time i’m gonna say that’s a good idea is when you’ve got sirens and a badge to let you... though it really doesn’t stop some people,” 

[notforgottcn]

ghcstsofthepxst‌:

hearing the other’s words, alexis couldn’t help the grin that grew on her delicate features. “six months? see, now that’s why i would like never waste my time. i always skip all the lights, straight through without putting a foot anywhere near the brake pedal.” alexis’ laugh was extra loud, covering up the illegality of what she just admitted to; not that she cared about the legal status of it all. 

addy doesn’t hesitate to cringe openly at the girl’s statement as she speaks, she knew that working at paragon would mean working with characters that tested even her but having someone pretty much admit to illegal actions was a bit much. “listen kid i’m gonna presume you’re just messin’ around and you at least have enough sense to not going around boasting about things like that,”

[notforgottcn]

“i’ve rode shotgun since day one..with no complaint.”

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 “did you know that the average person spends six months waiting for traffic lights to change,” it only took one look at addy to see that she was tired, and with her most recent comment apparently bordering on delirious. “my partner told me yesterday and i really don’t know what to do with that information,”