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okay but quentin checking out eliot’s ass in this deleted scene is something that can be so personal…

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in the club begging strangers for forgiveness and proving incapable of articulating what for when asked

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mike* telling him "thank you for you" after his Greatest Creative Project emotional disclosure also exists on a straight line to eliot rejecting quentin post-mosaic also. also also

*not real, is the beast

eliot thoughts i am rotating in my mind

csa content warning

READ MORE for incoherent bullet points about the mike storyline

first of course we have eliot immediately deciding they're boyfriends after like 3 hours or something (?)

they have a ton of sex

it is revealed to the audience mike is possessed by the beast

however many eps later eliot kills mike. he is canonically incredibly fucked up about this, which u would be. he also learns that mike was just some straight guy but it really struck me on my rewatch that this is not said explicitly in these words, it's just the line about mike having been a republican. kind of think that here eliot is also, as a bonus, like wow he WOULD NEVER have #consented and makes himself feel worse but this is of course not outright stated.

for a magicians-pacing chunk of time, as far as eliot knows, the guy he was banging constantly/calling his bf/emotionally vulnerable with was not just like the Villain but specifically a murderer who sexually assaults children! BOYS!

post the reveal, wait, the guy was actually the kid who was victimized by that other guy and got locked out of narnia because of it. okay!!

you (if you're me) may ask yourself, was martin chatwin in fact playacting an adult gay relationship while also torturing eliot in a way that eliot would only ever realize later (if he wasn't killed first)/pretty unambiguously assaulting him a ton? this is interesting/brutal to contemplate to me as it connects to eliot's internalized homophobia

how does eliot feel about any of this specifically? unclear...hahaha well #themagicianssyfy

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eliot thoughts i am rotating in my mind

csa content warning

READ MORE for incoherent bullet points about the mike storyline

first of course we have eliot immediately deciding they're boyfriends after like 3 hours or something (?)

they have a ton of sex

it is revealed to the audience mike is possessed by the beast

however many eps later eliot kills mike. he is canonically incredibly fucked up about this, which u would be. he also learns that mike was just some straight guy but it really struck me on my rewatch that this is not said explicitly in these words, it's just the line about mike having been a republican. kind of think that here eliot is also, as a bonus, like wow he WOULD NEVER have #consented and makes himself feel worse but this is of course not outright stated.

for a magicians-pacing chunk of time, as far as eliot knows, the guy he was banging constantly/calling his bf/emotionally vulnerable with was not just like the Villain but specifically a murderer who sexually assaults children! BOYS!

post the reveal, wait, the guy was actually the kid who was victimized by that other guy and got locked out of narnia because of it. okay!!

you (if you're me) may ask yourself, was martin chatwin in fact playacting an adult gay relationship while also torturing eliot in a way that eliot would only ever realize later (if he wasn't killed first)/pretty unambiguously assaulting him a ton? this is interesting/brutal to contemplate to me as it connects to eliot's internalized homophobia

how does eliot feel about any of this specifically? unclear...hahaha well #themagicianssyfy

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Is that a hard penis in your pants or is it something different than that? Also: do you hate me?

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IMPORTANT:

quentin coldwater sticking his hair elastics on his wrists... 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

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me re: Quentin Coldwater

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take the best parts of ourselves (make them gold) - chapter 30: promotion

Summary: “Charlie—She’s Charlotte, Charlotte Waugh—this is your teacher. He’s going to help you this year, and you’re going to help him. Can we say hi to Mr. Coldwater?" In which Eliot is pretty sure Quentin Coldwater, kindergarten teacher, was made in a laboratory for single moms.

IN THIS CHAPTER: Eliot's daughter graduates kindergarten.

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take the best parts of ourselves (make them gold) - chapter 30: promotion

Summary: “Charlie—She’s Charlotte, Charlotte Waugh—this is your teacher. He’s going to help you this year, and you’re going to help him. Can we say hi to Mr. Coldwater?" In which Eliot is pretty sure Quentin Coldwater, kindergarten teacher, was made in a laboratory for single moms.

IN THIS CHAPTER: Eliot's daughter graduates kindergarten.

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take the best parts of ourselves (make them gold) - chapter 30: promotion

Summary: “Charlie—She’s Charlotte, Charlotte Waugh—this is your teacher. He’s going to help you this year, and you’re going to help him. Can we say hi to Mr. Coldwater?" In which Eliot is pretty sure Quentin Coldwater, kindergarten teacher, was made in a laboratory for single moms.

IN THIS CHAPTER: Eliot's daughter graduates kindergarten.

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i just signed up for the magicians reverse bang because i'm insane!!!!!!!! Thanks Everyone!

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my drafts keep growing…

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periodically these posts come around about not being into "baby" or other pet names in fic and it's like okay well...not in my reality...not in the world i'm living in

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18, 19, 23

damn not me with kindly anons, i will get a big head out here...fic meta Under The Cut

18. What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.

from hung aloft the night, vampire au:

Quentin shook his head. “You ruined my life,” he said, “just as you promised when we met, and you kept that promise. But my life—it’s a thing marked by pointlessness and, and emptiness. And I know that I am a child to you, that my life is one of your small things. But I was unhappy. And you ruined it.” The cruelty had eased itself from Eliot at some point, as Quentin spoke. He stood now, his expression struck, staring. Where time had become hazily-defined, every second in silence was now an agony. “Say one thing to me,” said Quentin, suddenly desperate. “Anything. Tell me one thing. Tell me to leave or to stop. Please—“ And Eliot crossed the room to him, and gathered him up in his arms, and Quentin was kissed as a lover would be kissed.

prob just my favorite love declaration i've written and i love to write those!? he does not really say I Love You but you know, this is a love declaration. it is also a declaration that his life, while easy to imagine a future for, just friggin sucked and a weird no-scripts-available gay(!) life with vampire eliot would have been not just preferable to that but better than that. to me homophobia is a central issue to be #addressed in queliot and i think this does that also.

i am a sap (and i think it is thematically correct for this particular vampire story...) so eliot gets to be alive again, but i think they would have made it work otherwise tbh...eliot would obviously be romantically crushed by the passage of time for his mortal beloved etc etc but also mad about quentin looking older than him at some point, quentin is NOT the daddy :/

19. Who is the easiest/hardest character for you to write about? Why?

i'm going to answer both questions...it is so hard to write margo dialogue. sometimes the show skews especially corny with her but she also genuinely says the most insane shit in the whole world canonically. she's on the spectrum but it's not the autism spectrum, it's a new one that's just hers, she's on it tho. similarly quentin dialogue troubles me but it's because of the incredibly idiosyncratic way jason ralph will deliver quentin lines, conjuring that in a writerly way is a challenge. julia also has weirdly particular speech patterns as a character. let me not list every magicians character.

i love writing eliot and eliot internal monologue and eliot dialogue :) here is where i do my little jokes. obv not unique for writing Third Person Tight POV Fanfiction but i am interested in distinguishing internal voices especially since i started writing again earlier this year, and i find i write eliot's head as inwardly repetitive, obsessive and self-referential, extremely extremely extreeeeemely bootleg nabokov-y, and this is an enjoyable writing mode. For Me, your pal, gillian

23. If you had to remix one of your own fics, which would it be and how would you remix it?

ok i've thought of this recently.......i would lowkey remix charlieverse to be eliot has charlie under the same circumstances but it's a sleepless in seattle au. eliot and charlie live in a seattle harbor houseboat, charlie calls into a talk radio show and tells her beautiful gay dad's story and then he gets on the phone and is very charming and sad and quentin, intrepid reporter across the country, hears this. i mean this is really just a totally different romantic comedy-premise au but i don't invent a new kid oc because i like the kid oc i already did.

META SIDEBAR(?): eliot should probably be a widower for this to be an actual sleepless in seattle au but i have such a hard time imagining him with past significant relationships in au's because when we meet him in canon TO ME clearly he's just had insane situationships where he maybe immediately started calling the guy his bf but they combusted instead of like the guys were evil and he had to kill them. stage 5 clinger, love for him is larger than the usual romantic love, etc.