notmanagingmymischief - Tumblr blog

[notmanagingmymischief]

[notmanagingmymischief]

They should invent a way to kill yourself that doesn’t disappoint anyone

[notmanagingmymischief]

does anyone else get a surge of fondness for their friends over the little things? the things that, technically, don't matter all too much, the things you could forget eventually.

like the fact that they do their wordle everyday, without fail. like the fact that they've worn the same ring everyday since middle school.

this isn't meant to be poetry, but it also kind of is. when i talk about my friends it feels like poetry— like i'm trying to capture a sunset in a bottle, capture laughter in a little box.

i think i'll always cherish the way that they are, wholly and unfiltered. down to the missed messages and late replies. i'll cherish the unprompted ukulele sessions, the nicknames that never fully went away. i'll wrap up our memories and store them at my desk, where i can always look back, even if it hurts. even when it doesn't.

there was a point to this and now it's gone. the point was somewhere between the days i last saw them all and is buried wedged inside a couch, the same one we nearly lost a phone to back in high school. the point is i love my friends for all their imperfections and i love them for all the times that i've cried.

there's a thank you on my tongue for everything, the big and the small.

thank you for editing my birthday video. thank you for seeing me after class. thank you for eating with me at lunch. thank you for holding me when i cried. thank you for staying over. thank you for giving me rice. thank you for smiling at me. thank you thank you thank you.

maybe these are all things i'll forget eventually. maybe we're all dust specks in this corner of the universe and maybe in a few years i'll look back and i won't remember the way you hated mangos on desserts at all.

that's okay. that's okay.

did you finish your daily wordle?

[notmanagingmymischief]

nobody talks about the fact that you can have all this crazy shit in your head, and want to open up and talk about your feelings but no matter what, you just can't make out the right words and properly put your thoughts and emotions into words

[notmanagingmymischief]

[notmanagingmymischief]

I want someone to notice, but on the other hand, i don’t.

[notmanagingmymischief]

there’s something wrong with me.

there’s something wrong with me.

there’s something wrong with me.

there’s something wrong with me.

there’s something wrong with me.

[notmanagingmymischief]

I need someone to stay and not run away when things get hard.

[notmanagingmymischief]

[notmanagingmymischief]

not being able to kill myself is the worst feeling

[notmanagingmymischief]

[notmanagingmymischief]

quote from Pan’s Flute ⚜︎

[notmanagingmymischief]

oh how i wish to tag her if only she wasn’t such a coward afraid to confront her violence that she blocked me <3333

"How many scars did you justify because you loved the person who was holding the knife?"

[notmanagingmymischief]

[notmanagingmymischief]

[notmanagingmymischief]

[notmanagingmymischief]

you came back wrong and i am racked with guilt because i cannot bear to see you like this and i should have let you rest. i loved you so much that i defied death itself but i do not think either of us are happy