notmuchtooffer

[notmuchtooffer]

@ofbelievesinthehope

[Do I mean that? Honestly, I didn't know how to respond to her question. Did I love her? Yes. Of course I did. With every ounce of my being. My heart literally beat for her. Still, I knew I was no good. A loser like me with no prospects or future is the last thing someone like Amanda needed. She deserved better than a guy like me, which is why it never made sense to me that I was the one she chose. She loved me... Against my understanding, she picked me to be the one she loves. As I considered all of that I couldn't help but to wonder what my next course of action should be... I knew what was best for Amanda was for me to leave and never look back. Me walking out of her life all over again would be the best thing for her future. She'd have the chance at a life she deserved. One where she'd be successful and live the life her parents always wanted for her. Yes, me leaving was what was best for her. Everyone knew that but Amanda, apparently. Still, I didn't know if I had the strength to walk away from her again. It nearly broke me when I let her go before... I wasn't confident that I had it in me to face that heartbroken fate all over again. I silently considered as I continued to hold her in my arms] Why me, Amanda? You could have anyone you want, and yet you picked a loser with no future like me... Why? [I had to ask. I knew however she answered these questions would be what made me decide how to answer her last question about whether I was still planning to leave] I love you. I have always loved you and I always will. You are the only thing in my life that ever made sense to me. You have always been, and you always will be, the best of me, but I can't help but feel like you deserve better than me. I'm a nobody, Amanda. I have no future or prospect. So I have to know... are you sure this is what you want? Are you sure I'm who you want to be with? In knowing you deserve better than me, are you sure I'm the one that you want to share your life with? [Again, I needed to hear her take on these questions... I needed to know, and for her to know, that I really was what she wanted]

Pain that stays with you.

@notmuchtooffer

Loss; the pain that stays with you. 

Time heals all wounds they say. Amanda Collier once had the world at her Oyster. She had the wealth given from her family. She could’ve gone to any college in the country if her heart deserved. Amanda was top of her class, she knew how to read people her only down fall was hanging out with the tools like the jocks. Her last year of high school it all changed. Of course she had her eye on him weeks prior even waited for him to make a move. He hung out at Squeals a lot with his cousin and his cousins girlfriend. Amanda did her digging on Dawson Cole. 

The boy that appeared to pretend to be dumb. An awful liar she’d say. He didn’t try to be cool, he never tried to impress her. She smitten by him, Amanda liked a guy who needed that push. Of course all through the town were whispers about the Cole’s the family. Amanda should’ve been afraid of him like her parents wanted her to be. But she wasn’t. Dawson had a pure heart; he wanted to be more than what his family believed in him. My heart ached for him when I witnessed how his dad treated him, he wanted to protect me. And sometimes I only wished I could’ve done more to protect him. From the fate he landed in. 

2 years had passed since the last time I heard his voice. The last time he pleaded with me to leave. TOld me he loved him through the glass separating us. That day torn me up inside. Amanda was a firm believer in hope. For justice. Dawson is what motivated her to go to school to be a social worker; to give justice to kids like him. She tried to not think about him, but she could never help herself; each time she wrote a paper about what she felt justice was for kids, the impact the system had on families she thought about him. She wondered if he was okay. It pained her to keep moving forward without him. He would’ve risked it all for her. He had a future until that day; prom. The day he never showed to pick her up. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He did what the sheriff wanted; he cooperate, he turned on his father but the deal wasn’t enough. He was stuck to a life behind bars for at least 4-5 years. Amanda’s heart ached for him, she would’ve waited a lifetime for him. But Dawson fought her; after the last time he let her in to visit he refused. He acted like she meant nothing to him. She supposed that’s what stung the most. He rather have no one on his side. He came her no choice but to move forward; leaving town was her only option. 

Breaks from school like her spring break this week, was the only time the brunette was in town. She moved her bag back into the white mansion styled house. Her mother cheerful as she made muffins, blueberry that morning. Amanda mastered a happy expression; knowing where she was bringing the container full of muffins. Through the years each time Amanda was in town she always made it a habit to visit Tuck; the man who was like a father who always supported Dawson. She felt safe there; and it was nice to talk to someone who never believed in the gossip that swirled around town concerning Dawson. She’d ask if he seen him, in response he would tell her “ Don’t worry child, he’s okay.” In one piece she’d think to herself. Wearing her light purple dress, she had a messy bun in with her locks of hair. Amanda hummed to herself as she carried the container of muffins to her car. Tuck was normally home. 

Seated in her car, keys in the ignition; hands on the wheel, she slowly pulled up to his house. A smaller house; the garage was opened, the female had pulled into a stop, there was a guy outside setting up the hose, who the hell was it? Brows pushed together furrowing as she sat simply watching from a far. If Tuck had company Amanda had the sense to come back later..

[notmuchtooffer]

@ofbelievesinthehope

[As Amanda approached me, I actually thought she was going to slap me. Did I deserve it, yes. Undeniably so. At the same time though, I wasn't looking forward to it. That slap would reiterate just how deeply I had hurt her by forcing her out of my life. To my surprise and relief, not only did she not slap me, but she kissed me instead. One hell of a kiss, might I had. After the kiss broke I recall uttering out something lame like the fact that it left me breathless. It did, yes, but still, had Tuck heard me say it, he would have undoubtedly made fun of me about how cheesy a remark like that sounded. He wasn't wrong. Fortunately for me, Amanda didn't seem to mind the comment. I thought with lingering relief as my arms remained wrapped around her as she pressed another chaste kiss to my lips] Gave me clarity of mine, more like it. [I said as a grin pulled at the corners of my lips. Something in my gut told me this was a kiss goodbye... Once again to my relief, though, I was wrong. My thoughts clarified when she told me not to let her go. At that, I leaned down to press a kiss to the top of her head while my arms tightened slightly around her in an effort to pull her flush to me] If I have my way, I'm never letting you go again... [I murmured out as my lips pressed against the top of her head once more. Was I making a mistake in saying that now? I don't know. Some things hadn't changed. I was still a loser with no job, prospects, or future. Could I risk dragging Amanda down with me? Still, she made it clear to me that I was wrong to not let her make her own decisions, and she was right, so this time around I would let her decide for herself if she wanted to be with a loser like me]

Pain that stays with you.

@notmuchtooffer

Loss; the pain that stays with you. 

Time heals all wounds they say. Amanda Collier once had the world at her Oyster. She had the wealth given from her family. She could’ve gone to any college in the country if her heart deserved. Amanda was top of her class, she knew how to read people her only down fall was hanging out with the tools like the jocks. Her last year of high school it all changed. Of course she had her eye on him weeks prior even waited for him to make a move. He hung out at Squeals a lot with his cousin and his cousins girlfriend. Amanda did her digging on Dawson Cole. 

The boy that appeared to pretend to be dumb. An awful liar she’d say. He didn’t try to be cool, he never tried to impress her. She smitten by him, Amanda liked a guy who needed that push. Of course all through the town were whispers about the Cole’s the family. Amanda should’ve been afraid of him like her parents wanted her to be. But she wasn’t. Dawson had a pure heart; he wanted to be more than what his family believed in him. My heart ached for him when I witnessed how his dad treated him, he wanted to protect me. And sometimes I only wished I could’ve done more to protect him. From the fate he landed in. 

2 years had passed since the last time I heard his voice. The last time he pleaded with me to leave. TOld me he loved him through the glass separating us. That day torn me up inside. Amanda was a firm believer in hope. For justice. Dawson is what motivated her to go to school to be a social worker; to give justice to kids like him. She tried to not think about him, but she could never help herself; each time she wrote a paper about what she felt justice was for kids, the impact the system had on families she thought about him. She wondered if he was okay. It pained her to keep moving forward without him. He would’ve risked it all for her. He had a future until that day; prom. The day he never showed to pick her up. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He did what the sheriff wanted; he cooperate, he turned on his father but the deal wasn’t enough. He was stuck to a life behind bars for at least 4-5 years. Amanda’s heart ached for him, she would’ve waited a lifetime for him. But Dawson fought her; after the last time he let her in to visit he refused. He acted like she meant nothing to him. She supposed that’s what stung the most. He rather have no one on his side. He came her no choice but to move forward; leaving town was her only option. 

Breaks from school like her spring break this week, was the only time the brunette was in town. She moved her bag back into the white mansion styled house. Her mother cheerful as she made muffins, blueberry that morning. Amanda mastered a happy expression; knowing where she was bringing the container full of muffins. Through the years each time Amanda was in town she always made it a habit to visit Tuck; the man who was like a father who always supported Dawson. She felt safe there; and it was nice to talk to someone who never believed in the gossip that swirled around town concerning Dawson. She’d ask if he seen him, in response he would tell her “ Don’t worry child, he’s okay.” In one piece she’d think to herself. Wearing her light purple dress, she had a messy bun in with her locks of hair. Amanda hummed to herself as she carried the container of muffins to her car. Tuck was normally home. 

Seated in her car, keys in the ignition; hands on the wheel, she slowly pulled up to his house. A smaller house; the garage was opened, the female had pulled into a stop, there was a guy outside setting up the hose, who the hell was it? Brows pushed together furrowing as she sat simply watching from a far. If Tuck had company Amanda had the sense to come back later..

[notmuchtooffer]

@ofbelievesinthehope

[I truly believed this was the last time I would see Amanda again. I thought I had completely blown it, and once she left, she'd never speak to me again. As much as that thought broke me, at the same time, I reminded myself that it was what was best for her. I was a loser, and I'd probably never amount to anything. My father was right in the fact that whoever was foolish enough to be in my life would just end up being dragged down with me, because I was a sinking ship. Amanda had to know that. She had to know deep down that she'd be better off than with a guy like me. I silently reminded myself as I watched her turning and walking away. My brows furrowed though when I saw her stop and then unexpectedly turn before walking toward me once more. Okay, so is this the moment where she punches me in the face? Of course if it was, I'd take it, because I deserved it for the hell I put her through. To my shock and surprise, not only did she not punch me in the face, but she didn't even yell at me. My brows furrowed slightly as I listened to her explain that I made her life better. I couldn't believe after everything I've put her through, and she saw what a train wreck my life was, she actually believe that I made her life better. As if that didn't leave me taken back enough already, I was flabbergasted when she leaned forward and pressed her lips to mine in a deep kiss. It didn't last long but it was filled with unyielding passion, and it left me breathless] Wow... [I uttered out as I caught my breath. Dropping the hose in my hand to the ground and I removed my working gloves before wrapping my arms around her, then gently tugging her close to me] Amanda, loving you was the only good decision I ever made in my life. [I said before leaning in to press my lips to hers in another deep yet tender kiss]

Pain that stays with you.

@notmuchtooffer

Loss; the pain that stays with you. 

Time heals all wounds they say. Amanda Collier once had the world at her Oyster. She had the wealth given from her family. She could’ve gone to any college in the country if her heart deserved. Amanda was top of her class, she knew how to read people her only down fall was hanging out with the tools like the jocks. Her last year of high school it all changed. Of course she had her eye on him weeks prior even waited for him to make a move. He hung out at Squeals a lot with his cousin and his cousins girlfriend. Amanda did her digging on Dawson Cole. 

The boy that appeared to pretend to be dumb. An awful liar she’d say. He didn’t try to be cool, he never tried to impress her. She smitten by him, Amanda liked a guy who needed that push. Of course all through the town were whispers about the Cole’s the family. Amanda should’ve been afraid of him like her parents wanted her to be. But she wasn’t. Dawson had a pure heart; he wanted to be more than what his family believed in him. My heart ached for him when I witnessed how his dad treated him, he wanted to protect me. And sometimes I only wished I could’ve done more to protect him. From the fate he landed in. 

2 years had passed since the last time I heard his voice. The last time he pleaded with me to leave. TOld me he loved him through the glass separating us. That day torn me up inside. Amanda was a firm believer in hope. For justice. Dawson is what motivated her to go to school to be a social worker; to give justice to kids like him. She tried to not think about him, but she could never help herself; each time she wrote a paper about what she felt justice was for kids, the impact the system had on families she thought about him. She wondered if he was okay. It pained her to keep moving forward without him. He would’ve risked it all for her. He had a future until that day; prom. The day he never showed to pick her up. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He did what the sheriff wanted; he cooperate, he turned on his father but the deal wasn’t enough. He was stuck to a life behind bars for at least 4-5 years. Amanda’s heart ached for him, she would’ve waited a lifetime for him. But Dawson fought her; after the last time he let her in to visit he refused. He acted like she meant nothing to him. She supposed that’s what stung the most. He rather have no one on his side. He came her no choice but to move forward; leaving town was her only option. 

Breaks from school like her spring break this week, was the only time the brunette was in town. She moved her bag back into the white mansion styled house. Her mother cheerful as she made muffins, blueberry that morning. Amanda mastered a happy expression; knowing where she was bringing the container full of muffins. Through the years each time Amanda was in town she always made it a habit to visit Tuck; the man who was like a father who always supported Dawson. She felt safe there; and it was nice to talk to someone who never believed in the gossip that swirled around town concerning Dawson. She’d ask if he seen him, in response he would tell her “ Don’t worry child, he’s okay.” In one piece she’d think to herself. Wearing her light purple dress, she had a messy bun in with her locks of hair. Amanda hummed to herself as she carried the container of muffins to her car. Tuck was normally home. 

Seated in her car, keys in the ignition; hands on the wheel, she slowly pulled up to his house. A smaller house; the garage was opened, the female had pulled into a stop, there was a guy outside setting up the hose, who the hell was it? Brows pushed together furrowing as she sat simply watching from a far. If Tuck had company Amanda had the sense to come back later..

[notmuchtooffer]

@ofbelievesinthehope

[I knew Amanda wouldn't ever understand where I was coming from when I told her I let her go because I loved her and wanted her to have the best chance at the life she deserved. She might not understand that I did it because I loved her, and honestly, it was the hardest decision I ever made, but it was the truth nonetheless. I knew my father had been right and all I would end up doing was ruining anyone's life I was a part of. First Bobby, then Tuck, and now Amanda. I was a walking train wreck, I had once been called, so wherever I end up, there's another life I end up derailing on, you could say. With that thought in mind, I couldn't help but to remind myself that Amanda was right in deciding to walk away from me now. If she wanted any chance at the life she deserved, then it was best of her to stay away from me. Besides, I was only sticking around town long enough for Tuck to get better. Once he was healthy and on his feet again, though, I was planning to leave this town, and starting fresh somewhere new] My heart will always be yours, Amanda, but this is probably for the best. I want you to have the life you deserve and more. I don't want to ruin your life more than I already have. [I quietly aired out as a means of saying "goodbye" as she turned and started to walk toward her car. Everything in me wanted to grab a hold of her, take here in my arms, kiss her, and beg for another chance, but I forced myself to refrain. Even though it crushed me more than words could describe, I knew I had to let her go... It was her best chance. I silently reminded myself as I lifted the hose back up from the ground; figuring once Amanda left, I would resume watering the flowers I had just planted in Tuck's garden, and then start working on another part of his garden bed]

Pain that stays with you.

@notmuchtooffer

Loss; the pain that stays with you. 

Time heals all wounds they say. Amanda Collier once had the world at her Oyster. She had the wealth given from her family. She could’ve gone to any college in the country if her heart deserved. Amanda was top of her class, she knew how to read people her only down fall was hanging out with the tools like the jocks. Her last year of high school it all changed. Of course she had her eye on him weeks prior even waited for him to make a move. He hung out at Squeals a lot with his cousin and his cousins girlfriend. Amanda did her digging on Dawson Cole. 

The boy that appeared to pretend to be dumb. An awful liar she’d say. He didn’t try to be cool, he never tried to impress her. She smitten by him, Amanda liked a guy who needed that push. Of course all through the town were whispers about the Cole’s the family. Amanda should’ve been afraid of him like her parents wanted her to be. But she wasn’t. Dawson had a pure heart; he wanted to be more than what his family believed in him. My heart ached for him when I witnessed how his dad treated him, he wanted to protect me. And sometimes I only wished I could’ve done more to protect him. From the fate he landed in. 

2 years had passed since the last time I heard his voice. The last time he pleaded with me to leave. TOld me he loved him through the glass separating us. That day torn me up inside. Amanda was a firm believer in hope. For justice. Dawson is what motivated her to go to school to be a social worker; to give justice to kids like him. She tried to not think about him, but she could never help herself; each time she wrote a paper about what she felt justice was for kids, the impact the system had on families she thought about him. She wondered if he was okay. It pained her to keep moving forward without him. He would’ve risked it all for her. He had a future until that day; prom. The day he never showed to pick her up. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He did what the sheriff wanted; he cooperate, he turned on his father but the deal wasn’t enough. He was stuck to a life behind bars for at least 4-5 years. Amanda’s heart ached for him, she would’ve waited a lifetime for him. But Dawson fought her; after the last time he let her in to visit he refused. He acted like she meant nothing to him. She supposed that’s what stung the most. He rather have no one on his side. He came her no choice but to move forward; leaving town was her only option. 

Breaks from school like her spring break this week, was the only time the brunette was in town. She moved her bag back into the white mansion styled house. Her mother cheerful as she made muffins, blueberry that morning. Amanda mastered a happy expression; knowing where she was bringing the container full of muffins. Through the years each time Amanda was in town she always made it a habit to visit Tuck; the man who was like a father who always supported Dawson. She felt safe there; and it was nice to talk to someone who never believed in the gossip that swirled around town concerning Dawson. She’d ask if he seen him, in response he would tell her “ Don’t worry child, he’s okay.” In one piece she’d think to herself. Wearing her light purple dress, she had a messy bun in with her locks of hair. Amanda hummed to herself as she carried the container of muffins to her car. Tuck was normally home. 

Seated in her car, keys in the ignition; hands on the wheel, she slowly pulled up to his house. A smaller house; the garage was opened, the female had pulled into a stop, there was a guy outside setting up the hose, who the hell was it? Brows pushed together furrowing as she sat simply watching from a far. If Tuck had company Amanda had the sense to come back later..

[notmuchtooffer]

@ofbelievesinthehope

[I didn't know what more Amanda wanted me to say. I had already apologized... Repeatedly. I had admitted that she was right and I was wrong... Repeatedly. I had also explained my reasoning behind my decision to break ties with her. It wasn't because I stopped loving her, but rather because I did love her. She might not believe that, and yes, I was aware of how backward that sounded, but it was the truth nonetheless. I walked away because I felt like she deserved better than me. At least with me out of her life, she'd no longer be in a sinking ship, and she'd have the best chance at getting the life she deserved. One she wouldn't get if she had stuck around with me] I don't know what you want me to say, Amanda. I am truly sorry for breaking your heart, and I'm also sorry for taking away your right to choose your own destiny. Despite my intentions, I was wrong for doing that, and I know that. [I quietly adding but left it at that, because I didn't know what more to say. I didn't know what Amanda was looking for here and now. Maybe she just needed to vent, yell, and hit me again. Whatever the case, she was free to say and do what she wanted and needed to because I know I deserved it. With that thought in mind, I didn't say anymore. I just stood there silently waiting for her to handle this encounter anyway that she felt she needed to]

Pain that stays with you.

@notmuchtooffer

Loss; the pain that stays with you. 

Time heals all wounds they say. Amanda Collier once had the world at her Oyster. She had the wealth given from her family. She could’ve gone to any college in the country if her heart deserved. Amanda was top of her class, she knew how to read people her only down fall was hanging out with the tools like the jocks. Her last year of high school it all changed. Of course she had her eye on him weeks prior even waited for him to make a move. He hung out at Squeals a lot with his cousin and his cousins girlfriend. Amanda did her digging on Dawson Cole. 

The boy that appeared to pretend to be dumb. An awful liar she’d say. He didn’t try to be cool, he never tried to impress her. She smitten by him, Amanda liked a guy who needed that push. Of course all through the town were whispers about the Cole’s the family. Amanda should’ve been afraid of him like her parents wanted her to be. But she wasn’t. Dawson had a pure heart; he wanted to be more than what his family believed in him. My heart ached for him when I witnessed how his dad treated him, he wanted to protect me. And sometimes I only wished I could’ve done more to protect him. From the fate he landed in. 

2 years had passed since the last time I heard his voice. The last time he pleaded with me to leave. TOld me he loved him through the glass separating us. That day torn me up inside. Amanda was a firm believer in hope. For justice. Dawson is what motivated her to go to school to be a social worker; to give justice to kids like him. She tried to not think about him, but she could never help herself; each time she wrote a paper about what she felt justice was for kids, the impact the system had on families she thought about him. She wondered if he was okay. It pained her to keep moving forward without him. He would’ve risked it all for her. He had a future until that day; prom. The day he never showed to pick her up. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He did what the sheriff wanted; he cooperate, he turned on his father but the deal wasn’t enough. He was stuck to a life behind bars for at least 4-5 years. Amanda’s heart ached for him, she would’ve waited a lifetime for him. But Dawson fought her; after the last time he let her in to visit he refused. He acted like she meant nothing to him. She supposed that’s what stung the most. He rather have no one on his side. He came her no choice but to move forward; leaving town was her only option. 

Breaks from school like her spring break this week, was the only time the brunette was in town. She moved her bag back into the white mansion styled house. Her mother cheerful as she made muffins, blueberry that morning. Amanda mastered a happy expression; knowing where she was bringing the container full of muffins. Through the years each time Amanda was in town she always made it a habit to visit Tuck; the man who was like a father who always supported Dawson. She felt safe there; and it was nice to talk to someone who never believed in the gossip that swirled around town concerning Dawson. She’d ask if he seen him, in response he would tell her “ Don’t worry child, he’s okay.” In one piece she’d think to herself. Wearing her light purple dress, she had a messy bun in with her locks of hair. Amanda hummed to herself as she carried the container of muffins to her car. Tuck was normally home. 

Seated in her car, keys in the ignition; hands on the wheel, she slowly pulled up to his house. A smaller house; the garage was opened, the female had pulled into a stop, there was a guy outside setting up the hose, who the hell was it? Brows pushed together furrowing as she sat simply watching from a far. If Tuck had company Amanda had the sense to come back later..

[notmuchtooffer]

@ofbelievesinthehope

[From the moment I met Amanda, I couldn't shake the feeling that she deserved better than a loser, good for nothing guy like me. Sure, when we first me, she made me think I was worth more than I actually was. She gave me hope that I could be more than the worthless piece of crap my father told me on a daily basis that I was. My father had convinced me that I was a nobody, that I would amount to nothing, and whoever was in my life would end up with a ruined life because of me. Of course I'd like to convince myself that I never listened to my father, because I knew he only spoke to me that way out of anger and resentment that I wanted nothing to do with him, my brothers, or their unsavory business practices. Thing was though, as Amanda spoke now, I knew my father's words had apparently made a bigger impact in my mind set and self-esteem than I ever realized. As much as I hated to admit it, I knew my father was right in the fact that Amanda deserved better than a nobody like me, and if she remained in my life, she'd never have the life she dreamed of, because like my father pointed out on a daily basis, I was going nowhere. I'd ruin her life like I was destined to ruin my own. I silently considered. My expression remained even as Amanda balled up her fist and collided it with my chest. I deserved that and more. She was angry and hurt that I had pushed her away, and I knew she had every right to be. I took her choice away from her, which wasn't fair to her. Still, I justified that I did it because I loved her... I pushed her away because I didn't want her to remain on a sinking ship that was my life and worth, even if she didn't see it that way] Hit me. Yell at me. Do and say whatever you need to because I know I deserve it. Whatever my reasoning or what I meant to be with best intentions, you have every right to be angry at me. Just to be clear though, in spite of what you might think, I never stopped loving you. Not a day has passed that I haven't thought about you, Amanda. I just wanted you to have the best chance at the life you deserved. [I shrugged slightly in a sheepish sort of response. At this moment, I wanted nothing more than to grab her and pull her into my arms, but I couldn't. I knew I lost the right and chance to hold her in a warm, secure, protective, and loving embrace] You're right though... I shouldn't have let my father's views of me get to me. He saw me as garbage and after awhile, I let him convince me that he was right. That's on me, I know, because you're right, I should have fought for us. What's done is done. I screwed up, and I know I can't fix what I broke, or make up for the hurt I caused you, but for what it's worth, I am sorry, Amanda. Hurting you was the last thing I ever wanted.

Pain that stays with you.

@notmuchtooffer

Loss; the pain that stays with you. 

Time heals all wounds they say. Amanda Collier once had the world at her Oyster. She had the wealth given from her family. She could’ve gone to any college in the country if her heart deserved. Amanda was top of her class, she knew how to read people her only down fall was hanging out with the tools like the jocks. Her last year of high school it all changed. Of course she had her eye on him weeks prior even waited for him to make a move. He hung out at Squeals a lot with his cousin and his cousins girlfriend. Amanda did her digging on Dawson Cole. 

The boy that appeared to pretend to be dumb. An awful liar she’d say. He didn’t try to be cool, he never tried to impress her. She smitten by him, Amanda liked a guy who needed that push. Of course all through the town were whispers about the Cole’s the family. Amanda should’ve been afraid of him like her parents wanted her to be. But she wasn’t. Dawson had a pure heart; he wanted to be more than what his family believed in him. My heart ached for him when I witnessed how his dad treated him, he wanted to protect me. And sometimes I only wished I could’ve done more to protect him. From the fate he landed in. 

2 years had passed since the last time I heard his voice. The last time he pleaded with me to leave. TOld me he loved him through the glass separating us. That day torn me up inside. Amanda was a firm believer in hope. For justice. Dawson is what motivated her to go to school to be a social worker; to give justice to kids like him. She tried to not think about him, but she could never help herself; each time she wrote a paper about what she felt justice was for kids, the impact the system had on families she thought about him. She wondered if he was okay. It pained her to keep moving forward without him. He would’ve risked it all for her. He had a future until that day; prom. The day he never showed to pick her up. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He did what the sheriff wanted; he cooperate, he turned on his father but the deal wasn’t enough. He was stuck to a life behind bars for at least 4-5 years. Amanda’s heart ached for him, she would’ve waited a lifetime for him. But Dawson fought her; after the last time he let her in to visit he refused. He acted like she meant nothing to him. She supposed that’s what stung the most. He rather have no one on his side. He came her no choice but to move forward; leaving town was her only option. 

Breaks from school like her spring break this week, was the only time the brunette was in town. She moved her bag back into the white mansion styled house. Her mother cheerful as she made muffins, blueberry that morning. Amanda mastered a happy expression; knowing where she was bringing the container full of muffins. Through the years each time Amanda was in town she always made it a habit to visit Tuck; the man who was like a father who always supported Dawson. She felt safe there; and it was nice to talk to someone who never believed in the gossip that swirled around town concerning Dawson. She’d ask if he seen him, in response he would tell her “ Don’t worry child, he’s okay.” In one piece she’d think to herself. Wearing her light purple dress, she had a messy bun in with her locks of hair. Amanda hummed to herself as she carried the container of muffins to her car. Tuck was normally home. 

Seated in her car, keys in the ignition; hands on the wheel, she slowly pulled up to his house. A smaller house; the garage was opened, the female had pulled into a stop, there was a guy outside setting up the hose, who the hell was it? Brows pushed together furrowing as she sat simply watching from a far. If Tuck had company Amanda had the sense to come back later..

[notmuchtooffer]

@ofbelievesinthehope

[I could see Amanda was upset with me, and honestly, she had every right to be. The thought of Amanda hating me or never being able to forgive me literally made me sick to think about, but if that's how she felt, I justified that maybe it was for the best. I was a nobody. I was a murderer, and I went to jail, as a result. I came from a horrible and dysfunctional family. I had no money, and other than Tuck and Amanda, I had nobody... Not even Amanda anymore given that I walked away from her. In my heart, I believed I was doing what was best for her, but in hearing here response now, I knew she was right. I had no right to take her choice away from her. Thing was though, did I know Amanda would have stuck by me, no matter what? Of course I did. She loved me and I loved her, so that's the sort of thing people do for the ones they loved. That wasn't the part that concerned me though as much as the realization that by sticking with me, Amanda would probably end up losing everything... Her family... Her money... Her reputation... Her status in society... Possibly even her future and scholarships too. I couldn't do that to Amanda. I couldn't ruin her life, so even though the decision nearly killed me, I let her go because I wanted her to have the life she always dreamed of. Not a life of having nothing with a loser who wouldn't amount to anything] You have every right to be upset with me. It wasn't fair of me to take your choice away from you. I know it may seem like I lied and that I didn't fight for us, but when my original sentence was extended which meant me being in jail even longer than we hoped for, I knew I literally had nothing to offer you. You deserved better than a nobody like me, Amanda. I love you, with all of my heart, but I couldn't put you through that. Having to see me once a month when visitation allowed through a glass wall. Being with a loser like me may have resulted in you losing your family, your friends, you reputation, your money, your status, and your college scholarships too. I didn't want to ruin your life with the mistakes I made. I'm the one who screwed up and ended up in jail as a result, so it wouldn't have been fair of me to drag you into that too. I loved you too much for that. So if it seemed like I lied about my intentions, or that I gave up on us, just know the decision wasn't done lightly. I just couldn't bear the thought of ruining your life, and with that, causing you to miss out on your hopes and dreams.

Pain that stays with you.

@notmuchtooffer

Loss; the pain that stays with you. 

Time heals all wounds they say. Amanda Collier once had the world at her Oyster. She had the wealth given from her family. She could’ve gone to any college in the country if her heart deserved. Amanda was top of her class, she knew how to read people her only down fall was hanging out with the tools like the jocks. Her last year of high school it all changed. Of course she had her eye on him weeks prior even waited for him to make a move. He hung out at Squeals a lot with his cousin and his cousins girlfriend. Amanda did her digging on Dawson Cole. 

The boy that appeared to pretend to be dumb. An awful liar she’d say. He didn’t try to be cool, he never tried to impress her. She smitten by him, Amanda liked a guy who needed that push. Of course all through the town were whispers about the Cole’s the family. Amanda should’ve been afraid of him like her parents wanted her to be. But she wasn’t. Dawson had a pure heart; he wanted to be more than what his family believed in him. My heart ached for him when I witnessed how his dad treated him, he wanted to protect me. And sometimes I only wished I could’ve done more to protect him. From the fate he landed in. 

2 years had passed since the last time I heard his voice. The last time he pleaded with me to leave. TOld me he loved him through the glass separating us. That day torn me up inside. Amanda was a firm believer in hope. For justice. Dawson is what motivated her to go to school to be a social worker; to give justice to kids like him. She tried to not think about him, but she could never help herself; each time she wrote a paper about what she felt justice was for kids, the impact the system had on families she thought about him. She wondered if he was okay. It pained her to keep moving forward without him. He would’ve risked it all for her. He had a future until that day; prom. The day he never showed to pick her up. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He did what the sheriff wanted; he cooperate, he turned on his father but the deal wasn’t enough. He was stuck to a life behind bars for at least 4-5 years. Amanda’s heart ached for him, she would’ve waited a lifetime for him. But Dawson fought her; after the last time he let her in to visit he refused. He acted like she meant nothing to him. She supposed that’s what stung the most. He rather have no one on his side. He came her no choice but to move forward; leaving town was her only option. 

Breaks from school like her spring break this week, was the only time the brunette was in town. She moved her bag back into the white mansion styled house. Her mother cheerful as she made muffins, blueberry that morning. Amanda mastered a happy expression; knowing where she was bringing the container full of muffins. Through the years each time Amanda was in town she always made it a habit to visit Tuck; the man who was like a father who always supported Dawson. She felt safe there; and it was nice to talk to someone who never believed in the gossip that swirled around town concerning Dawson. She’d ask if he seen him, in response he would tell her “ Don’t worry child, he’s okay.” In one piece she’d think to herself. Wearing her light purple dress, she had a messy bun in with her locks of hair. Amanda hummed to herself as she carried the container of muffins to her car. Tuck was normally home. 

Seated in her car, keys in the ignition; hands on the wheel, she slowly pulled up to his house. A smaller house; the garage was opened, the female had pulled into a stop, there was a guy outside setting up the hose, who the hell was it? Brows pushed together furrowing as she sat simply watching from a far. If Tuck had company Amanda had the sense to come back later..

[notmuchtooffer]

@ofbelievesinthehope

[As much as I wanted to look at Amanda... To take in all of her beauty, since I knew there was a good chance this was the last time I'd ever see her, I knew I couldn't. I had to look away... To avoid eye-contact with her, since I knew I was the last person she'd want to see right now. She was already angry. Clearly her blood was boiling with anger toward me to the point that I was a little surprised she didn't punch me in the face or slap me while she had the chance. Contrary to what she might think, my heart broke to know I had hurt her, and it continues to break each day that we're apart from each other. Still, I couldn't shake the feeling that I did the right thing for Amanda... Even if she didn't see it that way. Yes, she was right in the sense that she had the right to decide her own future, and I had no right to take that choice away from her. At the same point though, I couldn't take the risk of ruining her life, which would have happened if she stayed with a loser like me. I silently reminded myself as I continuing focusing on the weeds in Tuck's garden. I stopped what I was doing, and placed my tool on the ground with the others when I surprisingly heard her voice. Was I okay? Did she really care or was this just an opening for the yelling, anger, punch, and/or slap to follow? I wondered to myself as I looked up from the garden; using the cloth in my pocket to wipe the sweat away from my forehead] I don't really know how to answer that. [I started to say in an honest reply, because I didn't. Amanda asking me if I was okay was the last thing that I expected today. As angry as she was, I figured she didn't care one way or another, nor would I blame her, if that was the case] Physically, yeah, I'm fine. In every other way that matters... [My head just shook in response. Seeing no reason to finish that response, since I knew Amanda would know where I was going with that] Amanda, I know you hate me, and I don't blame you for that. I deserve your hate and anger, but for what it's worth, I'm sorry.

Pain that stays with you.

@notmuchtooffer

Loss; the pain that stays with you. 

Time heals all wounds they say. Amanda Collier once had the world at her Oyster. She had the wealth given from her family. She could’ve gone to any college in the country if her heart deserved. Amanda was top of her class, she knew how to read people her only down fall was hanging out with the tools like the jocks. Her last year of high school it all changed. Of course she had her eye on him weeks prior even waited for him to make a move. He hung out at Squeals a lot with his cousin and his cousins girlfriend. Amanda did her digging on Dawson Cole. 

The boy that appeared to pretend to be dumb. An awful liar she’d say. He didn’t try to be cool, he never tried to impress her. She smitten by him, Amanda liked a guy who needed that push. Of course all through the town were whispers about the Cole’s the family. Amanda should’ve been afraid of him like her parents wanted her to be. But she wasn’t. Dawson had a pure heart; he wanted to be more than what his family believed in him. My heart ached for him when I witnessed how his dad treated him, he wanted to protect me. And sometimes I only wished I could’ve done more to protect him. From the fate he landed in. 

2 years had passed since the last time I heard his voice. The last time he pleaded with me to leave. TOld me he loved him through the glass separating us. That day torn me up inside. Amanda was a firm believer in hope. For justice. Dawson is what motivated her to go to school to be a social worker; to give justice to kids like him. She tried to not think about him, but she could never help herself; each time she wrote a paper about what she felt justice was for kids, the impact the system had on families she thought about him. She wondered if he was okay. It pained her to keep moving forward without him. He would’ve risked it all for her. He had a future until that day; prom. The day he never showed to pick her up. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He did what the sheriff wanted; he cooperate, he turned on his father but the deal wasn’t enough. He was stuck to a life behind bars for at least 4-5 years. Amanda’s heart ached for him, she would’ve waited a lifetime for him. But Dawson fought her; after the last time he let her in to visit he refused. He acted like she meant nothing to him. She supposed that’s what stung the most. He rather have no one on his side. He came her no choice but to move forward; leaving town was her only option. 

Breaks from school like her spring break this week, was the only time the brunette was in town. She moved her bag back into the white mansion styled house. Her mother cheerful as she made muffins, blueberry that morning. Amanda mastered a happy expression; knowing where she was bringing the container full of muffins. Through the years each time Amanda was in town she always made it a habit to visit Tuck; the man who was like a father who always supported Dawson. She felt safe there; and it was nice to talk to someone who never believed in the gossip that swirled around town concerning Dawson. She’d ask if he seen him, in response he would tell her “ Don’t worry child, he’s okay.” In one piece she’d think to herself. Wearing her light purple dress, she had a messy bun in with her locks of hair. Amanda hummed to herself as she carried the container of muffins to her car. Tuck was normally home. 

Seated in her car, keys in the ignition; hands on the wheel, she slowly pulled up to his house. A smaller house; the garage was opened, the female had pulled into a stop, there was a guy outside setting up the hose, who the hell was it? Brows pushed together furrowing as she sat simply watching from a far. If Tuck had company Amanda had the sense to come back later..

[notmuchtooffer]

@ofbelievesinthehope

[Once Amanda was gone and the front door was abruptly closed behind her, I expelled a disappointed breath. I knew I screwed up... Well, so many times now, that I had basically lost count, if we're being honest now, but I meant here and now with Amanda. I never should have come here, after getting released from jail. Sure, I felt I owed it to Tuck to say "goodbye," and to make sure he was okay, before I left town, once and for all, but now that I was here, I'm sorry I didn't wait to come and visit Tuck. I had already broken Amanda's heart once, so it wasn't fair for me to be here now, breaking her heart all over again. Don't get me wrong, I stood behind my decision to release her from our relationship, because I knew I would have just ended up ruining her life, but hurting her was the last thing I ever wanted to do. I loved Amanda, so in my defense, I felt like I was doing right by her to let her go. Apparently Amanda didn't see it that way though. Far from it judging by how angry she was with me now. I guess I should count my lucky stars that she didn't throw anything at me, and/or punch me in the face, as a result of her anger and resentment now. Especially if she accidentally broke her hand when it collided with my face. That would just make her hate me even more than she already did. I thought to myself as I resumed watering the area of Tuck's flower bed that I had just pruned and fixed up, before lowering the hose from the ground, and grabbing another gardening tool, so I could begin working on the next section of the garden. Hey, I had nothing but time on my hands currently, so now seemed like the perfect time to get Tuck's garden beds fixed up for him; especially since I was avoiding the house currently, in order to avoid angering Amanda anymore than I already had. Surprising to me though was when I saw the front door open again a few minutes later. Catching a glimpse of Amanda exiting the house, I assumed Tuck was sleeping, so she was probably heading out. In an effort to avoid upsetting her more than I already had, I avoided eye contact with her. Instead just focusing on using the tool in my hand to till and weed the portion of the flower bed I was currently focused on. Silently justifying that it was better that way]

Pain that stays with you.

@notmuchtooffer

Loss; the pain that stays with you. 

Time heals all wounds they say. Amanda Collier once had the world at her Oyster. She had the wealth given from her family. She could’ve gone to any college in the country if her heart deserved. Amanda was top of her class, she knew how to read people her only down fall was hanging out with the tools like the jocks. Her last year of high school it all changed. Of course she had her eye on him weeks prior even waited for him to make a move. He hung out at Squeals a lot with his cousin and his cousins girlfriend. Amanda did her digging on Dawson Cole. 

The boy that appeared to pretend to be dumb. An awful liar she’d say. He didn’t try to be cool, he never tried to impress her. She smitten by him, Amanda liked a guy who needed that push. Of course all through the town were whispers about the Cole’s the family. Amanda should’ve been afraid of him like her parents wanted her to be. But she wasn’t. Dawson had a pure heart; he wanted to be more than what his family believed in him. My heart ached for him when I witnessed how his dad treated him, he wanted to protect me. And sometimes I only wished I could’ve done more to protect him. From the fate he landed in. 

2 years had passed since the last time I heard his voice. The last time he pleaded with me to leave. TOld me he loved him through the glass separating us. That day torn me up inside. Amanda was a firm believer in hope. For justice. Dawson is what motivated her to go to school to be a social worker; to give justice to kids like him. She tried to not think about him, but she could never help herself; each time she wrote a paper about what she felt justice was for kids, the impact the system had on families she thought about him. She wondered if he was okay. It pained her to keep moving forward without him. He would’ve risked it all for her. He had a future until that day; prom. The day he never showed to pick her up. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He did what the sheriff wanted; he cooperate, he turned on his father but the deal wasn’t enough. He was stuck to a life behind bars for at least 4-5 years. Amanda’s heart ached for him, she would’ve waited a lifetime for him. But Dawson fought her; after the last time he let her in to visit he refused. He acted like she meant nothing to him. She supposed that’s what stung the most. He rather have no one on his side. He came her no choice but to move forward; leaving town was her only option. 

Breaks from school like her spring break this week, was the only time the brunette was in town. She moved her bag back into the white mansion styled house. Her mother cheerful as she made muffins, blueberry that morning. Amanda mastered a happy expression; knowing where she was bringing the container full of muffins. Through the years each time Amanda was in town she always made it a habit to visit Tuck; the man who was like a father who always supported Dawson. She felt safe there; and it was nice to talk to someone who never believed in the gossip that swirled around town concerning Dawson. She’d ask if he seen him, in response he would tell her “ Don’t worry child, he’s okay.” In one piece she’d think to herself. Wearing her light purple dress, she had a messy bun in with her locks of hair. Amanda hummed to herself as she carried the container of muffins to her car. Tuck was normally home. 

Seated in her car, keys in the ignition; hands on the wheel, she slowly pulled up to his house. A smaller house; the garage was opened, the female had pulled into a stop, there was a guy outside setting up the hose, who the hell was it? Brows pushed together furrowing as she sat simply watching from a far. If Tuck had company Amanda had the sense to come back later..

[notmuchtooffer]

@ofbelievesinthehope

[It was clearer than ever that Amanda was angry with me. To the point that I half expected her to slap me, or even to throw something at me, the first chance she got. Probably a good thing the majority of the garden tools were behind me in the shed. Less ammunition, you could say. Don't get me wrong, whatever she may or may not retaliate with toward me, I deserved it... Whether it was yelling, in the form of a slap or a fist to the face, or even dodging things being thrown at me. My point being, I wronged Amanda, I broke her heart, and I deserved her wrath and unforgiveness both right now. With that thought in mind, my lips pursed together slightly; standing there silently as I let her say anything and everything she needed to say. Of course there were parts of what she said that I disagreed with... Specifically her take on me making a mistake by taking the choice away from her. Right or wrong, I stood by my decision in that, because I knew Amanda deserved more than a good for nothing loser like me. I hated the thought of breaking her heart, and even more in knowing how much she resented me for it now, but at the end of the day, I stood by my decision. Amanda deserved better than a guy like me. All I would do was hold her back from the life she wanted and deserved] You can be angry at me all you want, Amanda. I deserve it... Your anger, resentment, unforgiveness... I deserve it all, but I stand by my decision. Hurting you was the last thing I ever wanted, but I knew I needed to give you the best chance at the life you wanted and deserved. All I would have done was held you back, and ruined your life. Although it crushes me now to know you hate me now, I will just have to accept that, however, I'd never forgive myself if I had selfishly let you wait for me to get our of jail, and ended up ruining your life, as a result. You're destined for greatness, Amanda, so hate me all you want, but I did what I did to give you the best chance in achieving all of your dreams, and a life of happiness too. [I aired out in genuine response as I said all that I needed to say. Listening as Amanda blurted out an angry, "Congrats on surviving" remark before she stormed off toward the front door of the house. Once she was gone, I expelled a defeated breath as I resumed watering Tuck's garden area that I had just pruned and weeded out; all the while reminding myself that the sooner I tie up loose ends here in town, the sooner I can get out of this town, so the people I love can move on with their lives without me there to hold them back anymore]

Pain that stays with you.

@notmuchtooffer

Loss; the pain that stays with you. 

Time heals all wounds they say. Amanda Collier once had the world at her Oyster. She had the wealth given from her family. She could’ve gone to any college in the country if her heart deserved. Amanda was top of her class, she knew how to read people her only down fall was hanging out with the tools like the jocks. Her last year of high school it all changed. Of course she had her eye on him weeks prior even waited for him to make a move. He hung out at Squeals a lot with his cousin and his cousins girlfriend. Amanda did her digging on Dawson Cole. 

The boy that appeared to pretend to be dumb. An awful liar she’d say. He didn’t try to be cool, he never tried to impress her. She smitten by him, Amanda liked a guy who needed that push. Of course all through the town were whispers about the Cole’s the family. Amanda should’ve been afraid of him like her parents wanted her to be. But she wasn’t. Dawson had a pure heart; he wanted to be more than what his family believed in him. My heart ached for him when I witnessed how his dad treated him, he wanted to protect me. And sometimes I only wished I could’ve done more to protect him. From the fate he landed in. 

2 years had passed since the last time I heard his voice. The last time he pleaded with me to leave. TOld me he loved him through the glass separating us. That day torn me up inside. Amanda was a firm believer in hope. For justice. Dawson is what motivated her to go to school to be a social worker; to give justice to kids like him. She tried to not think about him, but she could never help herself; each time she wrote a paper about what she felt justice was for kids, the impact the system had on families she thought about him. She wondered if he was okay. It pained her to keep moving forward without him. He would’ve risked it all for her. He had a future until that day; prom. The day he never showed to pick her up. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He did what the sheriff wanted; he cooperate, he turned on his father but the deal wasn’t enough. He was stuck to a life behind bars for at least 4-5 years. Amanda’s heart ached for him, she would’ve waited a lifetime for him. But Dawson fought her; after the last time he let her in to visit he refused. He acted like she meant nothing to him. She supposed that’s what stung the most. He rather have no one on his side. He came her no choice but to move forward; leaving town was her only option. 

Breaks from school like her spring break this week, was the only time the brunette was in town. She moved her bag back into the white mansion styled house. Her mother cheerful as she made muffins, blueberry that morning. Amanda mastered a happy expression; knowing where she was bringing the container full of muffins. Through the years each time Amanda was in town she always made it a habit to visit Tuck; the man who was like a father who always supported Dawson. She felt safe there; and it was nice to talk to someone who never believed in the gossip that swirled around town concerning Dawson. She’d ask if he seen him, in response he would tell her “ Don’t worry child, he’s okay.” In one piece she’d think to herself. Wearing her light purple dress, she had a messy bun in with her locks of hair. Amanda hummed to herself as she carried the container of muffins to her car. Tuck was normally home. 

Seated in her car, keys in the ignition; hands on the wheel, she slowly pulled up to his house. A smaller house; the garage was opened, the female had pulled into a stop, there was a guy outside setting up the hose, who the hell was it? Brows pushed together furrowing as she sat simply watching from a far. If Tuck had company Amanda had the sense to come back later..

[notmuchtooffer]

@ofbelievesinthehope

[From the second she exited her vehicle, I could see she was angry. Steam was practically coming out of her ears, from her anger. If the expression on her face wasn't enough to confirm this, the firmness and pace in his steps as she walked toward me made my suspicion crystal clear. Then she spoke, and I could hear her anger, hurt, and resentment toward me laced in her every word. I wasn't heartless. Far from it. To this day, Amanda was still the one my heart beat for. It literally tore me up inside to let her go, but I told myself it was for the best. Amanda deserved the best life, and as much as it crushed me, I knew her life would be far from the best if she settled for a loser like me. All that to say, as much as it stung to see and hear how angry she still was at me, I justified that it was for the best. Amanda deserved better than me] I'm sorry, Amanda... [I started to say. Knowing there was /a lot/ I had to be sorry for, so I wasn't sure where to even start with my list of apologies to her] Not only for blindsiding you like this today, but... [I paused; clearing my throat nervously as I tried to put together the right words to continue. Of course while I was in jail, I had plenty of time to consider what I'd say to Amanda, if I ever saw her again, but now that we're face to face, I realize no amount of time could have prepared me for this moment] I know you're angry with me over how I left things, and you have every right to be, but I did what I thought was best for you. I wanted you to have everything you wanted and deserved in life, and as much as I hoped we could conquer the world together, I knew I would only end up holding you back. Trust me, letting you go was the hardest decision I ever had to make... It broke me, but I did it because I love you. [I knew that probably made no sense, but it was the truth nonetheless] Anyway, I know I'm the last person you want to see, so I'll keep my distance while I'm in town. [I offered; figuring while she was here to visit Tuck, I'd hang out in the garage or something. No biggie] And, if it helps, once Tuck is healed up from his injuries, I'll be leaving town, so please don't feel you have to avoid visiting Tuck just so you don't have to see me. I don't want to mess up your life anymore than I already have. [I further reassured her; meaning every word of it too, because I loved Amanda. I just wanted her happy] The front door's unlocked. Tuck was resting in his chair, but feel free to head right inside. I know it'll mean a lot to him to see you. [I quietly added as I leaned down to retrieve the hose I had previously dropped to the ground when I first saw Amanda]

Pain that stays with you.

@notmuchtooffer

Loss; the pain that stays with you. 

Time heals all wounds they say. Amanda Collier once had the world at her Oyster. She had the wealth given from her family. She could’ve gone to any college in the country if her heart deserved. Amanda was top of her class, she knew how to read people her only down fall was hanging out with the tools like the jocks. Her last year of high school it all changed. Of course she had her eye on him weeks prior even waited for him to make a move. He hung out at Squeals a lot with his cousin and his cousins girlfriend. Amanda did her digging on Dawson Cole. 

The boy that appeared to pretend to be dumb. An awful liar she’d say. He didn’t try to be cool, he never tried to impress her. She smitten by him, Amanda liked a guy who needed that push. Of course all through the town were whispers about the Cole’s the family. Amanda should’ve been afraid of him like her parents wanted her to be. But she wasn’t. Dawson had a pure heart; he wanted to be more than what his family believed in him. My heart ached for him when I witnessed how his dad treated him, he wanted to protect me. And sometimes I only wished I could’ve done more to protect him. From the fate he landed in. 

2 years had passed since the last time I heard his voice. The last time he pleaded with me to leave. TOld me he loved him through the glass separating us. That day torn me up inside. Amanda was a firm believer in hope. For justice. Dawson is what motivated her to go to school to be a social worker; to give justice to kids like him. She tried to not think about him, but she could never help herself; each time she wrote a paper about what she felt justice was for kids, the impact the system had on families she thought about him. She wondered if he was okay. It pained her to keep moving forward without him. He would’ve risked it all for her. He had a future until that day; prom. The day he never showed to pick her up. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He did what the sheriff wanted; he cooperate, he turned on his father but the deal wasn’t enough. He was stuck to a life behind bars for at least 4-5 years. Amanda’s heart ached for him, she would’ve waited a lifetime for him. But Dawson fought her; after the last time he let her in to visit he refused. He acted like she meant nothing to him. She supposed that’s what stung the most. He rather have no one on his side. He came her no choice but to move forward; leaving town was her only option. 

Breaks from school like her spring break this week, was the only time the brunette was in town. She moved her bag back into the white mansion styled house. Her mother cheerful as she made muffins, blueberry that morning. Amanda mastered a happy expression; knowing where she was bringing the container full of muffins. Through the years each time Amanda was in town she always made it a habit to visit Tuck; the man who was like a father who always supported Dawson. She felt safe there; and it was nice to talk to someone who never believed in the gossip that swirled around town concerning Dawson. She’d ask if he seen him, in response he would tell her “ Don’t worry child, he’s okay.” In one piece she’d think to herself. Wearing her light purple dress, she had a messy bun in with her locks of hair. Amanda hummed to herself as she carried the container of muffins to her car. Tuck was normally home. 

Seated in her car, keys in the ignition; hands on the wheel, she slowly pulled up to his house. A smaller house; the garage was opened, the female had pulled into a stop, there was a guy outside setting up the hose, who the hell was it? Brows pushed together furrowing as she sat simply watching from a far. If Tuck had company Amanda had the sense to come back later..

[notmuchtooffer]

@ofbelievesinthehope

[I'd never amount to anything. I was nothing and a nobody. I ruin every life I touch, The world would be better off without me ... All words ingrained into me from my father. For awhile, I was naïve enough to believe I could escape him. That I could prove him wrong, and actually make a life for myself. After the last physical beating I took from my father, I sought shelter elsewhere; ultimately landing myself in Tuck's garage. I remember waking up with a shotgun pointed at my head as he told me to explain myself. Judging by the understanding look he gave me after he eyed my bruises and heard my words, I felt my fear of being shot gradually leave me. In fact, not only did Tuck not shoot me that day, but he offered me a home... No, it wasn't ideal... Probably not for either one of us, in fact, but it was the first time in my life that I felt safe, and like somebody actually cared about me. Tuck became my family, and I made up my mind that, no matter what, I would always have his back, just like he had mine too. Not long after meeting Tuck, Amanda came into my life. Sure, I knew Amanda could do a whole lot better than me. Like my father drilled into me, I was a nothing and a nobody, and I would just end up ruining her life, like I did everyone else's life that I came into. Even Amanda's father made it clear to me that his daughter would be better off without me. He even went as far as to try and pay me to stay out of his daughter's life. I told myself that as long as Amanda wanted me in her life, then I wasn't going anywhere. Least that was the plan until I went to kill my father for hurting Tuck, and I accidentally shot and killed my best friend, Bobby, as a result. Even after making a deal to testify against my father, and I got him put away, I still ended up serving jail time myself. Well deserved, if you ask me, because accident or not, I was the one who pulled the trigger that killed Bobby. No amount of pain and beatings I received in prison would ever make me feel worse than the guilt and pain I felt for killing Bobby... For leaving April without her love, and their child without his father. This was on me... This was the crippling weight I carried, and I knew I would carry it with me for the rest of my pathetic, good for nothing life.... I thought to myself as I eventually shut down; pushing everyone I loved away. It broke my heart to do so... Especially Amanda, but I did it because I loved her. I couldn't ruin her life like I had everyone else's. She deserved better than a good for nothing loser like me. A fact that I'd hope she'd see, over time, since refusing to see her while I was in jail was the most difficult decision I ever made. It was what was best for her though. I justified as I did my time in jail...

A couple of years had passed, and I got released from jail, on good behavior. After my release from jail, I didn't know where to go. The one thing I did know though was that I needed to get out of that town. To start fresh somewhere new. A place where nobody knew who I was. I owed it to ones like Amanda, Tuck, and April to stay out of their lives, once and for all. Before I completely left though, I knew I owed Tuck a face-to-face goodbye. He was one who gave me a home and a father figure, when I needed one the most. He was also the one who supported me the whole time I was in jail; constantly nagging my lawyers to get me early release. Tuck was one constant in my life... One who never turned his back on me, so I couldn't turn my back on him now. Upon arriving at his house, I was surprised and concerned to see him answer the door with a hobble, brace, and a cane for apparent support; reluctantly explaining to me that he had taken a fall outside and was recovering from a leg and hip injury. He was on the mend, and although he assured me he'd be just fine and could manage on his own, I knew I couldn't do that to him] These gardens aren't going to tend to themselves, anymore than the grass will cut itself. If you'll have me, I'd like to stick around for a bit, Tuck. At least until you're on your feet again. [Tuck agreed; pulling me in for a hug before we both made our way inside, and I explained how his pushing and nagging with my lawyers got me an early release. After I whipped up some lunch for us both, Tuck went to take a nap, while I made my way outside to do a bit of work around the house and grounds. No sooner making my way into the garage to fetch the house, so I could water the gardens a bit when I heard a car pull up in the driveway. Purely on instinct, my eyes narrowed in on the driver of the car... Instinct wanting to ensure it wasn't my father or brothers, even though I knew they were still in jail. My breath hitched a bit though when my eyes fell on her... The girl I loved with all of my heart... The one who always believed I was more than my circumstances allowed me to be. My everything] Amanda...? [I murmured out as the hose in my hand dropped to the ground beside me. Even now, after all these years, Amanda could still take my breath away. Still, as my eyes remained fixed on her in nothing but lingering love and adoration, I couldn't help but to wonder how much she hated me now. With that thought in mind, I braced myself for a potential slap I might receive from her... You know, providing she doesn't just put the car in reverse, and just leave without even speaking to me. Whichever way Amanda decided to handle it, I silently reminded myself that I deserve it. I never deserved her or her love, and now, more than ever, I knew I still wasn't worthy of her. I just hoped, wherever she was, or whatever she was doing with her life now, that she was happy. That's all I ever wanted for her]

Pain that stays with you.

@notmuchtooffer

Loss; the pain that stays with you. 

Time heals all wounds they say. Amanda Collier once had the world at her Oyster. She had the wealth given from her family. She could’ve gone to any college in the country if her heart deserved. Amanda was top of her class, she knew how to read people her only down fall was hanging out with the tools like the jocks. Her last year of high school it all changed. Of course she had her eye on him weeks prior even waited for him to make a move. He hung out at Squeals a lot with his cousin and his cousins girlfriend. Amanda did her digging on Dawson Cole. 

The boy that appeared to pretend to be dumb. An awful liar she’d say. He didn’t try to be cool, he never tried to impress her. She smitten by him, Amanda liked a guy who needed that push. Of course all through the town were whispers about the Cole’s the family. Amanda should’ve been afraid of him like her parents wanted her to be. But she wasn’t. Dawson had a pure heart; he wanted to be more than what his family believed in him. My heart ached for him when I witnessed how his dad treated him, he wanted to protect me. And sometimes I only wished I could’ve done more to protect him. From the fate he landed in. 

2 years had passed since the last time I heard his voice. The last time he pleaded with me to leave. TOld me he loved him through the glass separating us. That day torn me up inside. Amanda was a firm believer in hope. For justice. Dawson is what motivated her to go to school to be a social worker; to give justice to kids like him. She tried to not think about him, but she could never help herself; each time she wrote a paper about what she felt justice was for kids, the impact the system had on families she thought about him. She wondered if he was okay. It pained her to keep moving forward without him. He would’ve risked it all for her. He had a future until that day; prom. The day he never showed to pick her up. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He did what the sheriff wanted; he cooperate, he turned on his father but the deal wasn’t enough. He was stuck to a life behind bars for at least 4-5 years. Amanda’s heart ached for him, she would’ve waited a lifetime for him. But Dawson fought her; after the last time he let her in to visit he refused. He acted like she meant nothing to him. She supposed that’s what stung the most. He rather have no one on his side. He came her no choice but to move forward; leaving town was her only option. 

Breaks from school like her spring break this week, was the only time the brunette was in town. She moved her bag back into the white mansion styled house. Her mother cheerful as she made muffins, blueberry that morning. Amanda mastered a happy expression; knowing where she was bringing the container full of muffins. Through the years each time Amanda was in town she always made it a habit to visit Tuck; the man who was like a father who always supported Dawson. She felt safe there; and it was nice to talk to someone who never believed in the gossip that swirled around town concerning Dawson. She’d ask if he seen him, in response he would tell her “ Don’t worry child, he’s okay.” In one piece she’d think to herself. Wearing her light purple dress, she had a messy bun in with her locks of hair. Amanda hummed to herself as she carried the container of muffins to her car. Tuck was normally home. 

Seated in her car, keys in the ignition; hands on the wheel, she slowly pulled up to his house. A smaller house; the garage was opened, the female had pulled into a stop, there was a guy outside setting up the hose, who the hell was it? Brows pushed together furrowing as she sat simply watching from a far. If Tuck had company Amanda had the sense to come back later..