notthatharperlee

[notthatharperlee]

What if I offered to do both at the same time?

Ya girl back on the scene. Ladies get at me!

Also, feed me…

[notthatharperlee]

text 📲 harpcedes

MERCEDES: It's come to my attention that I don't have a Halloween costume and this is a problem.

MERCEDES: The possibilities feel too endless. Help. I will pay in songs and lullabies.

HARPER: what's most important here is

HARPER: what kind of vibe are you going for?

HARPER: cute? sexy? scream inducing?

[notthatharperlee]

It’s fine, I’ve always preferred their cold press coffee anyways. I guess it’s just an added benefit that I get to see my favorite person there now. Besides, green is your color, Mattycakes. 

YES, I lost my old job. YES, no other coffee shops wanted to take me in. YES, I I work at Starbucks now. YES, they make me wear the stupid green apron and hat. YES, they don’t appreciate my coffee artistry and the fact that I practically invented latte art. And yes, I hate my job. 

Mind your business.

[notthatharperlee]

EVERYTHING BELOW THIS IS ARCHIVED MATERIAL.

THIS BLOG & CHARACTER ARE UNAFFILIATED. 

[notthatharperlee]

Task 5: A Clarington Sisters Playlist 

Hunter: Although YOU may be baptized. Dad accidentally dumped beer on you when you were three months old.

Harper: baptized by the holy coors light, himself.

Hunter: You were baptized as white trash. T'was an emotional day. Even the rats and roaches showed up for the occasion

Harper: you paint such a beautiful picture. we should have pitched this to disney ages ago. a real cinderella story.

@notthatharperlee

Keep reading

[notthatharperlee]

TEXTS 📲 TEACHER'S LOUNGE👩‍🏫

SAM: I'd love to! Count me in, Newbie.

SAM: Your first drinks is totally on me to welcome you to the family.

HARPER: here i was hoping someone would step up and offer me a drink.

HARPER: i should have known i could count on you evans. the work day can't end fast enough. that fire drill fried any focus my class had.

[notthatharperlee]

Honestly I’d like to know who didn’t have a raging crush on Amy Lee as a teen so we can promptly revoke their gay card. I’ve got no leads when it comes to the kidney but I wish you the best. I can’t say I wouldn’t give the same for the chance to see them live. 

Within Temptation and Evanescence announced they’d be co-headlining a tour through Europe next year, and ngl I started shaking with excitement when I heard about it. Fourteen year old Theo had actual dreams about this happening. She also had some very sexual awakening-esque dreams about happenings backstage with both lead ladies, but we’ll see about getting to the tour first. In related news, I’m currently trying to see how much I can get for selling a kidney on the black market. Blood type is B positive, for anyone interested.

[notthatharperlee]

Honestly Lane, I continue to be eternally disappointed in you. How is it you managed to list off an entire love letter to fall and happened to forget the best parts? Haunted houses, watching It’s the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown, testing the strength of your own jaw on a piece of rock hard Double Bubble from the bottom of your Halloween bucket... 

It’s almost fall, and like the stereotypical female I am, my list of fall date ideas on Pinterest is growing exponentially. I wanna go pick apples! And pumpkins! And get lost in a corn maze! Sunflowers! And drink cider with scarves on! It’s kind of a lot. Don’t even get me started on the NYC only activities I can think of. I can do these by myself, but I’d much rather hold someone’s hand, and since I’ve now found myself single during what I consider the most cozy and romantic season on earth, you can now catch me on Bumble. It reminded me of bees, and it seemed a little better than Tinder, at the time. Hopefully less horror stories! If you see my smiling face on a dating app near you, please swipe right to boost my ego. So far, it’s just been a lot of ‘hey’s. 

[notthatharperlee]

[text] i've been an adult for long enough... i think i'm ready to pop off [text] can we go camping without the actual camping but just all the camping festivities activities

HERE

[notthatharperlee]

TEXTS 📲 LARPER 🏕️

LARA: i've been an adult for long enough... i think i'm ready to pop off

LARA: can we go camping without the actual camping but just all the camping festivities activities

HARPER: thank god.

HARPER: dude i was beginning to think you were taken by body snatchers. not that responsibility doesn't look good on you.

HARPER: are you thinking more living room fort style or under the clothing racks at target style?

[notthatharperlee]

TEXTS 📲 TEACHER'S LOUNGE 👩‍🏫

HARPER [to group]: anyone up for grabbing drinks after work on thursday?

HARPER [to group]: nothing crazy, obviously, but just something to mark the start of the year?

[notthatharperlee]

texts ✉️ claringlane

HARPER: 🚨🚨🚨🚨

HARPER: count chocula is back

HARPER: i may have stuffed a box or two in the freezer

HARPER: also sorry for shouting "come back with a warrant" when you knocked on my door this morning.

[notthatharperlee]

TEXTS 📲 SCARPER 🐜

[REPLIED TO AT THREE IN THE MORNING]

SCOUT: i def need a yoga sesh!!

SCOUT: i feel like my eyes are gonna pop outta my face ive been staring at my computer editing for so long

[...]

SCOUT: now im totally gonna drag u to the beach after tho

HARPER: that should have been the first warning sign.

HARPER: but i'll be your guide or w/e since you're going to be walking around with balloons for eyes.

[...]

HARPER: you'd better. i need to hit the beach one last time before winter takes hold.

[notthatharperlee]

[notthatharperlee]

TEXT ✉️ HARPER

JACKIE: OH hell yes. You should see the pictures I have in a locked photo app on my phone.

JACKIE: Woah, queen moves just like that eh?

JACKIE: I'm impressed. Please rub off on me.

JACKIE: I can't say I'm any better in that realm. I just have a few girls that I've got in a good steady rotation, but we all know the deal.

JACKIE: If you wanted something like that, I could hook you up with one of mine? I'm trying to get out of the swing of it to be honest. It's kinda draining to not have someone /really/ want to be with you.

HARPER: i would ask but even i know it's better waiting in anticipation for doom day.

HARPER: just like that. you'd better believe it, puckerman.

HARPER: that's really fucking tempting.

HARPER: i mean it can't hurt, right?

HARPER: also are we on for this weekend?

[notthatharperlee]

Text || Rowan & Harper

ROWAN: Oh stop! It's just experience of knowing what will stay and be useful, and reading way too many articles on what will hold a kid's attention without being distracting!

ROWAN: I'm so excited you're here with us this year!!!

HARPER: whatever it is, you've got it!

HARPER: i woke up excited for work this morning. i don't expect that to last but like- i've never been a morning person. this is huge.

HARPER: and i know it's not because i couldn't wait to get my hands on the dregs they call coffee in the staffroom.

[notthatharperlee]

TEXTS 📲 second fuckin' wives 👰

[...]

MATT: Look, I'm fine. I'm sorry for snapping at you.

MATT: We can go clubbing or something later if you want. I need to dress up again.

HARPER: no need to apologize, mattycakes. i get it.

HARPER: but why didn't you send this invite on the 13th? i guess i'll accept the lesser days of this weekend. only for your ass.