notup4debate-blog
What Is A Queen Without Her King?
- historically speaking, more powerful.
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If I were writing what my heart was beating the screen would shatter into a million pieces.
(via sphinx4u2)
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I know I'm no good at being a friend anymore to anyone. I know that is a common characteristic of a selfish drug addict. Drug addict -yep.
I swear on all that is good I would sacrifice my happiness for anyone if they were suffering.
A lot to do with low self worth, which isn't too heroic but mostly, and from the bottom of my heart I can't stand to watch suffering.
I think in a lot of ways that's probably selfish too. I mean anybody truly suffering is tragic but to me it's unbearable. So in part Id be taking on suffering to avoid (the much worse) watching suffering, to avoid my own suffering. (I hope that makes sense.)
Ive sat here for days maybe weeks or months, I lose varying periods of time silent and alone in perpetual darkness. I've sobbed so rawly in desperation until my face stings and my eyes close, never considering I'd confide in anyone again.
I've accepted that I will, for the most part be alone in my head until I die. I live in autopilot with all the energy I have for my children only. I do a great job in public going under the radar and still could talk a fish out of water effortlessly. But I will avoid people and social situations if I can, sometimes by any means.
I know from the outside I present pretty heavy symptoms of paranoia. Like a guarded drug addict. Which, again, guilty!
But could you open your mind to another perspective as well if I asked you to?
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I miss you.
I miss you at night, and in the morning; I miss you at work, and every time in between. The truth is, everything reminds me of you. I can’t go a day without hearing a song, finding a picture, or seeing one of our old friends… and it all brings me back to you. It’s you, and only you. It’s us; I miss us. I miss you.
11:02pm ; 7.15.17 (via overdosedemotions)
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