novelsofsecrecy - Tumblr blog

[novelsofsecrecy]

You.

Baby, talking to you feels like coming home every time.

But the picture frames are vacant,

the coffee is always cold,

and your side of the bed is always,

empty.

[novelsofsecrecy]

This is how not OK I am

I keep writing to myself but nothing is making sense because there’s a constant ringing in my ear, like a phone never being answered, and I wonder if it’s me calling who I used to be. And I don’t know how I managed to turn myself inside out and everyone is looking at me like I’m see-through, something almost close to transparent. Please tear me apart. skin to muscle. muscle to bone. There’s something banging in my chest and I think its my heart wanting to explode. I’ve hit rock bottom so many times that it started knocking  back.

[novelsofsecrecy]

Keep writing, its a crime for you to stop with that much talent on your hands.

Will always write. This is so sweet, thank you xx

[novelsofsecrecy]

For the ones who said we couldn’t make it

You look at me like I’m your first heartache,

your first high “I goddam love you,”

your first drunken apology.

 We fall apart every time the sky turns dark,

and you blame me when morning comes for

not falling together in all the right ways.

 The say destructive love is disgusting when

we rip each other apart, like we’re no good,

like we’re a crime scene and the blood is on

both of our hands.

 But baby, you dismantle me in the most perfect

way my heart leaks all the ache I keep prisoned.

 You tell me “you’re every city I want to live in,

Every place I want to rest my pain,” and I

wonder how much my body is willing

to love you in all its hurricane ways.

[novelsofsecrecy]

Brainwash Love

You keep staring at me

with that hurricane look

and oh god I swear I got a glimpse

of self-destruction.

My heart fell in my gut so hard

it left a dent, and you said,

“Baby please stay, you’re home”

 And I’d lay awake every night

counting how many inhales and exhales

and inhales and exhales,

just in cause you skipped one.

You’d leave me so suddenly,

so out of the blue,

and you’d apologize for the cold

white sheets being there

instead of you,

but baby I missed you too much one night

my ribs cracked in my chest.

And I’d tell you when you come back with

the whole world on your back,

“I can’t do this anymore,”

 You’d get down on your knees like every time

And plead a well rehearsed,

“Baby please don’t leave me,”

And look up at me like you just

saw the sun.

Almost too bright,

almost too painful f

or you to bear.

 And damn I was this close to leaving this

suicide love but you run your mouth,

“I don’t want to be homeless,”

and just like an antidote,

I forget why I packed in the

first place.

[novelsofsecrecy]

You were my favorite sweet tooth heartbreak

It hurts like scraped knees,

like a fist through dry wall,

like you don’t look at me the same way

you did before.

I love every square inch of you and

you still don’t know which eye is my

lazy one.

I still write about the freckle on the side of your cheek,

the scar on your shoulder you never talk about,

and the way you love your coffee:

2 sugar cubes and

leave it for an extra 30 seconds

for a perfect boil.

Baby, do you think of me at all?

(no, don’t answer that)

cause your name sits sweet on my tongue and

I know how that must sound but I hope you’re

listening.

I tried to bury the feeling you gave me, but it

Keeps coming back as midnight  “I miss the way

my heart felt when you were near me” texts.

And all I’m left with is dirt beneath my fingernails

and the dust on your side of the bed.

[novelsofsecrecy]

“The heavy in my chest, the empty in yours.”

novelsofsecrecy (via saradescent)

[novelsofsecrecy]

What do you think of when you write?

I don’t really think of something specific. I just channel all my feelings into every piece I write. Life is my muse.

[novelsofsecrecy]

I love your writings! You should have them collected in a book!

Thank you! & will do :)

[novelsofsecrecy]

I just stumbled upon your blog. The way you write is too beautiful... It triggered endless feelings.

Awww this is so sweet! Thank you x

[novelsofsecrecy]

Why haven't you been writing lately? I MISS YOUR WORK! Hope everything is okay :(

Been busy, but will be back at it! xx

[novelsofsecrecy]

A Puppeteer's Leftovers

I live like this.

Like a dream that wont happen.

Like heart that misplaced its pulses.

But wherever you are, I'm still listening.

I miss you the way a dart misses the

bulls-eye everytime,

the way I miss your call that never came.

I've been lost luggage for a while,

and no one has came to claim me yet.

Baby it aches, it aches.

You used to hold me so well,

like a marionette.

And I know how that must sound to everyone else,

but you never pulled my strings too hard.

What I'm trying to say is,

my heart is rotting in my chest.

And the paramedics are treating

someone else.

What I'm trying to say is,

I'm ruined like war.

Solider, won't you write to me sometime?

[novelsofsecrecy]

"The heavy in my chest, the empty in yours."

novelsofsecrecy (via saradescent)

[novelsofsecrecy]

Once in your life you’re gonna find a person who makes the sun seem dull.

mysearchforhappinesss (via wnq-writers)

[novelsofsecrecy]

"The heavy in my chest, the empty in yours."

novelsofsecrecy (via saradescent)

[novelsofsecrecy]

It feels too much like Brooklyn in December. The air is so crisp I could see peoples sighs echo like haunted phantoms. I’m not sure if haunted is the right word to describe it. But there’s something about open mouths with a lot to say but with not enough gut to speak. Winter forgot to remind me that I almost made it last year. I almost made it with chipped off nails and scars that would last me a life time. I don’t know if I can stand alone this long without my knees giving in. Writing with my fist sized palm has bled me dry and I’m not here hoping for a miracle summer. I’m only trying to shape myself into something that’s worthy of being more than a crack in the curb. Having an origami heart has left me in halves and folds; and I don’t know how to unfold myself whole again. I wonder how much time will pass by until believing in myself is not a chore anymore. I’m letting the ache sit inside me until it rots; until it dismantles into little pieces too foreign for me to recognize, but still enough for me to feel it like a needed drug.

Breaking up with depression - S.H.B (via novelsofsecrecy)

[novelsofsecrecy]