novvakism-blog - Tumblr blog

[novvakism-blog]

A new thing I strive to be: functional. Quadratisch, praktisch, gut, but not in a fun, chocolaty way. Not pretty. Shapeless, efficient. Boiling under too hot, too much clothing, boiling boiling boiling my internalness until what is cooked, what takes shape, nurtures the world.

Once I’ve internalized everything. Now I am full. Hermetically (but not hermeneutically) sealed. Bitte for dem Öffnen schütteln. I’m already shaken. Now devour me, but don’t look at me.

I don’t want my outside to be seen anymore, I will hide in plain sight, in plain clothes, in pain.

I will cease to be a person, I will cease to be human, I will have no needs anymore: no hunger; not for love, not for food.

As dark and substantial as a shadow will I walk through the streets, and I am not talking ephemeral elegance here. I am talking sweat and blood and getting stuck on the sharp edges of the world but always being able to tear myself away to

tuck the tears away.

Don’t let me be matter, let me matter, but only briefly. Forget me after I’ve healed you.

I want to be a martyr, a sick saint, unapproachable and above reproach, barely human but giving my all for humanity.

- Novvak