nrlsviolet

[nrlsviolet]

Coral Charm Peony by Mia Tarney

[nrlsviolet]

[nrlsviolet]

Milena Jesenská, in a letter to Max Brod, from Letters to Milena.

[nrlsviolet]

[nrlsviolet]

Please be safe.

[nrlsviolet]

Old Friend.

Welcome back old friend. In the most unfriendly sound I could possibly say.

I knew you were coming right at the moment when you were half alive, you were right there. Waiting to crush me.

You know this gonna take awhile right? Another sleepless night and loud thoughts for you to swallow. I thought I have everything figure out. I thought I ended this journey. But you did everything to took that shine away. And as always, I relapse. And now, we re do it all over again. Its not fair, relying on the losing side is not fair. Well so do life. Holding on seems so tiring. And I am already tired. If you ask me, will I do it? You already know the answer.

[nrlsviolet]

Hi, safe space.

greetings.

At times when I don’t feel like myself, I always found myself coming back here. Damn. Why do I keep coming back?

I have to say, life is moving at a very fast pace that sometimes I know I can’t keep up with it. Let's talk about what I’ve become now. What? Do I really want to talk about that? Yes? No? Do I really like what I’ve become now? Yes? No? I’m not going crazy. It’s just that I don’t feel like myself now. Do you even know yourself syima? No, I don’t. No doubt, that this pace of life is starting to suffocate me slowly, and by slowly I mean I barely breathing as I typing this. But I like this stress, it's the kind of stress that pushing you forward although it's pushing you rough and hard, I hope I’ll get there. One thing that I like now is the fact that I am able to afford my own space. And now I realize how expensive groceries and petrol is??? thinking that makes me miss my mom's cooking, my nieces screaming, my sister picking me up from work, and my brother bugging me everywhere. Wow, my home started feels like home now? it used to feels that way, and I hope it will continue to feel the same. Can’t wait to come home.

[nrlsviolet]

Habit.

There are certain things in life that you hold to keep you going. It's either principal or virtual. Maybe you need to drink your coffee every morning or maybe you need to tie your shoes before going for a run. And from time to time, those maybe become part of you. A habit that creates your personality. But one day, you wake up and there’s no coffee left for you. You go through your day miserably, because you knew that day you didn't take your coffee. Everybody tells you, you should drink tea or fruit juice instead. But you know it wasn't the same as your morning coffee. In the evening when you want to go for a run, one of your shoelaces went missing. You can wear your other sports shoes especially the one that doesn't require any shoelace, but again you know, it wasn't the same. Is it really a habit? or is it just a placebo effect? Why do you hold to something that you don’t have anymore? Why do you hold to something that left you? And eventually, you started to drink tea every morning and enjoying it more than the coffee.

[nrlsviolet]

Eye in Eye, 1894, Edvard Munch

Medium: oil,canvas

[nrlsviolet]

I would like to be able to gently drift in and out of existence when I wanted to.

Henry Rollins, Solipsist

[nrlsviolet]

[nrlsviolet]

‪How can I make you understand that it is so hard for me to put so much trust and open up to someone. All this while, Ive been putting my guard up and you, to watch you shattered my trust like a fallen glass is what I'll always remember at the back of my mind. You have no idea how I am so damn tired of you telling me to stop being the way I am after I'm being completely honest about how mess up my head is. As if it was that easy. As if thats how I wanted it to be. Its truly absurd for you to think that you are entitled enough to validate and tell me how I should feel. Why can't my feeling be acknowledged? To the point that I started to think that maybe it was my fault. Maybe I had all these answers that I want you to say, to comfort which somehow maybe, I had my hope too high on you. Or maybe, I wish you would at least try to understand why it became this way. Because the only thing that I ask is just a mere of empathy from you. But things don't always goes your way, syima. I guess I shouldn't be asking anything anymore. I will gladly live in my pit of hell alone than being crushed over and over, senselessly without mercy by the one that I dearly loved. Leave and let me heal in peace. ‬

[nrlsviolet]

Franz Kafka, in a letter to Milena Jesenská, from Letters to Milena.

[nrlsviolet]

via @WeHeartIt

[nrlsviolet]

i was thinking what part did i done it wrong, what did i missed it, finding the answer of which path of ur life that shouldn't done or undone is miserable. But the most painful is when i realized it i can't do anything to undo things. And the irony is i thought i've done my best. '

hi again, im not sure if im the best person to give you advices but, everyone have their own path and journey and all journey doesn't go easy. there are some things you can change and some things you cant, so learn from it. dont give up you'll get through this.

[nrlsviolet]

[nrlsviolet]