nxnw

[nxnw]

Its the same shit all over again

I tolerate so much bcs im so scared of confrontation

So scared of conflict

I put up w so much shit

Shit i wouldnt normally let other ppl get away with

But im willing to look past it if its someone i love or care about or someone i want to like me

At what point in my life did i lose my spine?

[nxnw]

Im so pathetic and i know he knows it too

Im so stupid so stupid why am i so stupid

[nxnw]

Its fine now babe its doesnt matter this feeling pls i just hope you talk to me again

Im so stupid so stupid why am i so stupid

[nxnw]

I wanna take a pair of scissors and stab my forehead let the scissor pierce my skull and brain where the sadness came from and gets rid of it

Im so stupid so stupid why am i so stupid

[nxnw]

I feel so stupid

Im so stupid so stupid why am i so stupid

[nxnw]

It aches everything aches my whole body aches when im sad

Im so stupid so stupid why am i so stupid

[nxnw]

I dont hate him yes i was upset last night bcs of what happened but its fine now i still feel upset but im trying my best to ignore my feelings and i just want to everything to go back to normal like nothing happened im trying to move on

Im so stupid so stupid why am i so stupid

[nxnw]

He hates me and i know it he wont even touch me

Im so stupid so stupid why am i so stupid

[nxnw]

Im so stupid so stupid why am i so stupid

[nxnw]

27/1/2024

Im so glad i didnt give up

He saved me from myself

Life is good

[nxnw]

Does he ever see me as a person, does he only see me as his “wife”, as inferior, someone he could bully into submission

I kinda have no choice but to submit and obey. Its forbidden to do otherwise

Pray he doesn’t abuse his power

[nxnw]

I felt like taking a pair of scissors with a pointy end and just schwoop stab myself right in the middle of my forehead.

Well fuck me

Two days ago i lost my engagement ring. The silver one with the diamond rock.

[nxnw]

When i lost the ring, the urge to hurt myslef came back again and i think partly is bcs i want to feel like im in control again and also bcs i want to punish myself.

Two days ago i lost my engagement ring. The silver one with the diamond rock.

[nxnw]

I felt like crying the whole day bcs i felt so powerless and i wish i could change my stupid self and trust me i always try to but i always keep making mistakes like these which goes to show that i dont really change

Two days ago i lost my engagement ring. The silver one with the diamond rock.

[nxnw]

Still doesnt change the fact that i felt so useless and like a complete shit bcs omg i am so careless so stupid i cant do anything right im always losing things and misplacing things and forgetting things and all the bad things

Two days ago i lost my engagement ring. The silver one with the diamond rock.

[nxnw]

He didnt get mad at me tho which i am forever grateful for he even consoled me bcs i kinda cried a little in front of him when i told him i couldnt find the ring dekat masjid which was the last place i had taken it off the day before.

Two days ago i lost my engagement ring. The silver one with the diamond rock.

[nxnw]

I was so scared to tell him that i had lost the ring bcs im so scared hes gonna get mad at me and say like sayang ni cuai la kenapa la bodoh sangat pergi cabut cincin tu etc.

Although historically he has never and i mean NEVER verbally abused me like that bfr and i hope he wont ever

Im still scared of that happening bcs you know how ur girlie’s brain works she working overtime she overthinkin she hardworkin

Two days ago i lost my engagement ring. The silver one with the diamond rock.