nxtyourwhxre

[nxtyourwhxre]

this is funny to me

[nxtyourwhxre]

50% OFF starters.

"You can't have sex with your neighbor's backyard above-ground pool."

"let me help you out of that swimsuit-- POOL."

"I sure hope we become best friends! but I don't hope we have a falling out, leading us to have a tense, emotion-heavy, dramatic, competitive, love/hate relationship later on."

"so anyways I regain consciousness, there's cops everywhere, (name) is covered in blood, got an icepick-- haha it was kind of a weird tuesday."

"we're gonna be late for anime school!"

"I'm just saying, is it illegal if I'm in my OWN pool?"

"WHAT'S UP SLUTS. GUESS WHO JUST GOT OUT OF PRISON!"

"(name) WAS A BITCH-ASS POSER."

"oh no, he's hot when he's sad!"

"this reminds me of prison. this reminds me of prison. this DEFINITELY reminds me of prison."

"look at that little pimp. he's gonna grow up to be a prison ass mothafucka."

"let's skip all the fluff and get to the part where we're shirtless."

"homeboy looks like shark week, I ain't messin' with that."

"It wasn't a dream! We got arrested for trespassing! We went to JAIL!"

"Nah, man, we went to holding. there's a big difference."

"Yeah now we owe Easter Dave a favor-- that is NOT a position you wanna be in."

"Wouldn't we have seen him around by now? I mean he is a bipedal shark-person."

"I'VE GOT MACE!"

"Was macing us really necessary AFTER you remembered who we were?!?"

"you took the fall for me and I said thank you."

"I went to jail!"

"I spent 6 months at a correctional facility!"

"I stabbed a girl in the yard!"

"I think that guard you killed had a family!"

"look at that majestic ass mothafucka. like a dolphin or some shit. a dolphin with legs... and arms... and a jetpack."

"BITCH GET IN THE POOL!"

"that's how they do it in Austrailia."

"20 bucks on jabber jaws."

"hey, man did you Tivo Glee last night?"

"I'm not allowed to watch Glee, my dad says it might turn me into something bad. A musical theater major."

"Neither one of them even died!"

"they won't let me back into sewing club because apparently when I threaten someone with sewing needles it's deemed 'inappropriate' and I 'have to leave'."

"I have to tumblr this!"

"a guy with emotional issues who swims away his problems? Lady, that's the whole team, you're gonna have to be more specific."

"I ship them! and them!"

"they hate each other, but they also fuck each other!"

"hey we try not to get this part of the gym wet so whatever you're doing is gonna have to stop."

"so do you wanna come back to my place, listen to some Dave Matthews and talk about my work out routine?"

"I wonder if that stuff I hid is still here? ...nah, cops probably took it."

"do you know? do you know for sure? Because I don't need another incident."

"If I get out of this chair I guarantee you'll end up in one with wheels."

"Ok. I'll admit, I'm a little threatened."

"'sup bitches!~"

"aren't you that guy who drowned a kid? and burned down that building?"

"get back to it before you learn a lesson in post-war, urban torture practices."

"Remember, snitches get stitches!"

"shut up you're high as balls!"

"you're just mad because mom and dad thought you were a girl for the first year of your life."

"right, son. and speaking of crushing disappointments-"

"coach tried to get me to vandalize a police station again."

"good thing I wore my Heelys."

"he's so hot but so crazy! which makes him even MORE hot!"

"Come on let me get those digits baby!"

"It should be illegal to be that fine!"

"oh just basic addition and subtraction. he was subtracting from my profits so I'm going to add a few extra holes in him."

"this doesn't seem like the time for polka-renditions of Ke$ha songs."

"I hate it when you leave but I love watching you go."

"Yeah I've seen him. He's in my scrapbook class. He cuts the eyes out of magazine photos."

"your arrest record is extensive... and amateur."

"the fact that you continue to avoid indefinite incarceration is insanityAND THE FACT THAT OUR LAW ENFORCEMENT CAN'T PUT AWAY SOMEONE WITH SUCH BLATANT DISREGARD FOR CONVENTIONAL CRIMINAL FUNCTION BAFFLES THE MIND."

"I want that boy to be my bride!"

"Pilates will do that man, works your core."

"what are we waiting for? let's go bro! let's gbro!"

"wow you sure said that."

"WOOP! WOOP! hold it, I'm gonna have to pull you over for exceeding recommended hotness."

"One time we went camping in the woods, I just left 'em there. Nobody found them for like 5 days. I don't even think their families cared, kinda sad, really."

"So, what you're saying is, if they disappeared, no one would notice?"

"well I've gotta go not talk to you anymore."

"I learned how to swim the old fashioned way. When I was five my dad took me out to a lake and tossed me right in the water."

"I'm so happy right now! --and it's not just cause I get to see you in a bunch of different swimsuits. Ok I lied, I'm sorry, that's mostly the reason."

"SHE'S A WITCH! PUSH HER IN THE POOL!"

"hey I know you! You helped me smuggle some stuff out of the country! How've you been kid?"

[nxtyourwhxre]

* gently nudges you all towards my new blog *

@peachesandcrowns

QvQ’ ..

[nxtyourwhxre]

Gonna see Fantastic Beasts now! ♡

[nxtyourwhxre]

I apologise for my absence .. it's kind of a busy time rn due to work and school ... I'll be back soon though! ;-;

[nxtyourwhxre]

Argos gets a bad press, who says you can’t buy an engagement ring and a George Foreman Grill at the same time?

[nxtyourwhxre]

*puts down capri sun* i am ready for a sex

[nxtyourwhxre]

[nxtyourwhxre]

oldfashionedmalus:

             “You – I just – “ Maggie was visibly both so concerned and               so very annoyed with him. How very much he reminded her               of it seemed all the men in her life. She didn’t do well with               recklessness, it suited her ill. All her life she’d wanted comfort.               His comment about loved ones pricked her nerves though, her               eyes softening a bit. “Don’t – “ she began, but it was too late;               Maggie’s eyes widened to the size of saucers as her hand               clasped over her mouth. Before she even knew what was going               on, she was running forward. “Are – are you okay?!”

                         No matter how often he did things like that, the moment he landed on the ground Nathan would feel some of his bones breaking. It HURT, it truely did. So he lied there for a moment, reamined silent with his glance directed at the sky. Reflecting on his decision. Slowly, the boy turned his head towards the blonde. A weak smile on his lips, able to speak softly, if even at all. He could feel IT was going to happen soon.

                   “ W-wait a little ...... I’ll be FINE. ”

[nxtyourwhxre]

oldfashionedmalus:

                   Ah, good. He was tense. James could certainly work with                    that. A small smile tugged at his lips, giving the other a                    sharp nod. “Exactly – you understand,” he said, clearly a                    mocking tone of superiority.                     His reason for being in America certainly sparked James’                    further interest. “Was there a reason you were no longer                    at home there? I know the feeling … of being driven out.”

                       Nathan hardly noticed that he was made fun of, luckily, he could not just make a scene when he wanted to stay here. It took him years to understand and by now, he slowly got a grip of it. Oddly enough, his life began to depend on whether he acted nice or not.

                     “ A reason? ”

                         More than just one. Enough for two people at once. But was it clever to tell him the whole story? To someone he had never seen before the night he came here? Probably not, maybe he was able to simply leave out a a detail or two. 

                    “ Basically, I fucked up big time. Starting with being THROWN OUT from home.  ”

[nxtyourwhxre]

rvliance:

Credence had told Mary-Lou it’d be a few hours, so he’s sure he has time. There’s a large part of him, larger than the part that wants to learn magic,  that just wants to be Nathan’s friend. He’d not had many, if any at all.           “I should.” 

                    That was GREAT. Nathan already thought about what bar he would take him first to. That was important for him. Nathan himself was taken to his first bar by his father at the sweet age of FIVE. Definitely not the right thing to do at that age. Now he had the chance to make it better.

                     “ Ever came across of one of our citie’s bars that caught your interest ? Else I’d choose for you. ”

[nxtyourwhxre]

sayswow:

slender fingers picked up the edge of the blanket, uncovering the tiny grey and white KITTEN on her lap. cassie continued to smile, as if unaware of her own accidental double entendre. her voice remained gentle as she spoke, 

“he’s called derek. i- well, i sort of stole him  – but it was for the best.”

                   Now THAT was certainly not what he had expected. However, Nathan had to admit, this was quite pleasing as well. A little ball of furr, big curios eyes, neat colouring. It made up for her getting his hopes up for .. WELL. He lowered himself a little, looking at the little cat and holding out his hand for him to sniff on it.

                      “ I like that one. Derek, yeah? Nice to meet you, Derek. ”

[nxtyourwhxre]

oldfashionedmalus:

           “Don’t be scared – you’re a boy. Go up there.”             Nora never lost her sense of fragility, even in death.             The world was always out to crush her blossom in             her eyes. “I’m sure they won’t meddle with you –             are you going to bring a weapon?”

                       “ Right. Thanks, you’re really believing in me. ”

                     His answer was dripping from sarcasm but he decided to go anyway. Basically, there was nothing that could endanger him and he had no knowledge of the blonde’s abilities. So it was best to PROTECT her. Nathan nodded at her assuringly, then he climbed up the stairs that would lead out of the basement. On the upper step he found something that resembled a hammer. Maybe this was the right choice of WEAPON, as she asked about it.

[nxtyourwhxre]

hOLY FUCKING SHIT I CANT

[nxtyourwhxre]

distrcss:

             "What?“ she scoffed, furrowing her brows. "You sleep HERE? I was only saying in a matter of speaking.”

                    “ Um, yes? That’s where I sleep. ” Not the best BED to impress someone but enough to sleep on. Comfortable enough and if he wanted a blanked, well. There were plenty in this centre. “ What ... so you don’t want to sleep? ”

[nxtyourwhxre]

theblackfamilysheep:

{ ✉ : PAIN IN MY ASS } How about a cougar, would that be better? { ✉ : PAIN IN MY ASS } Would that better illustrate that you shouldn’t steal from me? { ✉ : PAIN IN MY ASS } Without overdoing it?

{ ✉ : R U SIRIUS } what they fuck man { ✉ : R U SIRIUS } can’t you be a LITTLE kitty for once { ✉ : R U SIRIUS } or a mouse { ✉ : R U SIRIUS } something cute { ✉ : R U SIRIUS } not a fucking big cat

[nxtyourwhxre]