nyaqtn

[nyaqtn]

♪(´ε｀ ) 19/08/2024; [9:02 pm]

im thinking of a fun way to start my entries... "dear digital diary..", "hiya tumblr".......... hmm ill think of something fun for my next post..

anyways :3

my small bebi hamster is turning her wool-filled-porcelain-strawberry upside down as i am typing this... her name is shio (meaning salt in japanese), shes a 4 week old, white/gray, dwarf hamster that i adopted a few days ago.. i am filled with a sense of parental responsibility and am feeling the need to watch over and protect her at all times. (ok i mightve just over-dramatizised this a tiny little bit)

school is starting in a about two weeks and ive been trying to figure out how i feel about it.. on one hand i feel excited and am maybe looking forward to having places to be, things to do and fun assignments to complete .. but on the other hand i am utterly terrified and could explode at the thought of entering the big wooden door out front ......

im about to start my fourth out of five years and everything is starting to feel more serious... teachers have been talking about how this year will be the most nerve-racking, leisure-time-consuming year and its supposed to prepare us for writing our thesis, sewing our final collection, dealing with all the graduation stress, and and and and..... theres just so so many things to do.. i have to find an internship for next summer, be part of the mandatory junior company we have to form and create and well, as if all of that wasnt enough - i have tons of exams, presentations and assignments to get through..

i like keeping busy, going on study dates with myself, feeling productive and wearing fun outfits to school :3 i hope those things will keep me going throughout the year.. only two more to go..

ive been thinking about my future a lot recently..

[nyaqtn]

[nyaqtn]

⌯' ▾ '⌯ // 17/08/2024; [5:46 pm]

update: we just went swimming in the ocean and im doing a lot better ..... ive been having insane moodswings recently .. which adds to the feeling of not knowing how i feel XD

[nyaqtn]

*_* / 17/08/2024; [4:22 pm]

hellllooo

im in croatia with my dad right now, laying at the pool.. drying my hair in the sun.. eating a peach.. and typing this..

even though i am very greatful to be here and am having lots of fun with my dad.. somethings off and i cant exactly fathom what it is...

most of the time i cant even put into words how or what im feeling.. i keep on searching for reasons why im feeling off but its useless..

i wish i could go back to the time where everything seemed simple, nothing was ever complex and hard to understand like my feelings recently.. i worry about everything and nothing at the same time.. everything i do feels wrong and i dont know why.. i used to be filled with so much joy i was able to spread it and made other people happy by just being who i am.. now im just there

i dont know what happened and i dont know how to go back to how i used to be .. i miss it all TT i wish i didnt have to be sad being where i am but i cant ignore it nor put it aside..

it would be so much easier if i just knew what i have to change to stop feeling the way i do .. i cant even talk abput anything to anyone because i cant put anything into words and TT i just wish someone or something could make me go back to how i used to feel

i dont even know what im feeling

[nyaqtn]

･:*三( o'ω')o 28/07/2024; [5:36 pm]

summer vacation is the best thing to exist .. specifically if you are overworked, burnt out and stressed all the time, just like i am!! i love my school and i couldnt imagine anything that fits my interest better and contributes more to what ive always dreamt of doing in the future :3 BUT it takes up all of my time and leaves no space for hobbies and or side jobs.. i wish id earn my own money but its unrealistic considering i have the bussiest schoolyears eeevvaa in front of me.. at least ill be done in 2 years and ill have an amazing degree and many opportunities after hehe

ok enough school rant.

ive been obsessed with sandy liangs designs recently.. i wouldnt ever spend that much money on simple pieces like hers but i still cant take my mind off of some of her skirts and tops..... maybe one day!!! (even though i feel like id get bored of it eventually)

i miss london a lot.. both times ive went i was left with nothing but unforgettable memories and a veerrryy strong desire to move there.. (i wish i could do my internship there TT) we ate the bestestest food, bought the COOLEST items and saw amazing sights .. i love urban areas.. one day . one day!! i will live in a city im telling you now !!!!! i really enjoy travelling with my boyfriend and i hope we will continue going to cool places hehe

also i miss vienna .... i love being home and i like spending time here but i REALLY REALLY like strolling though viennese streets and discovering shops and places ive never seen... my boyfriend and i HAVE TO GO this summer.

oh oh and !! i started rewatching kimi ni todoke because i want to be all caught up and ready for the 3rd season hehe

[nyaqtn]

[nyaqtn]

☆〜（ゝ。∂ 03/07/2024; [11:29 am]

my last few days of 11th grade.. FINAAALLLYYY!!!!!

were currently playing hide&seek .. i fpund a reaally good hiding spot hehe (im in an empty classroom hiding behind a big canvas) its been about 10 minutes and im getting bored...

anyways!! ive been doing ALOTTT better recently.. on one hand because school related stress is not driving me insane anymore and on the other hand because my summer internship that ive had lots of struggles with (will write more about that later) is posponed to next summer. ONE WEEK FROM NOW ILL BE IN LONDON !! I CANT WAIT.. ive been missing london ever since i left it last summer.. its been hard for me to really look forward to my summer break because of mentioned internship..

in order to graduate the school that im going to you have to complete a 4 week internship during summer break and since my classes are taught in english, they (basically pressured) us to find one in another, preferably english, country. this sounds a lot easier than it actually is, especially if you consider the fact that we have tons of exams and projects thus not a lot of time to send applications out.. ok well lond story short; i agreed to the first oppurtunity i got and ive been dreading actually going there ever since then. . i was supposed to go to berlin for four weeks.. but the woman i was in contact with wasnt nice and all the living opportunities were way too expensive .. so i decided to cancel everything and just take another year to find a fitting position that ill actually look forward to :3 this decision took a lot of weight off my shoulders ..

so ! now i can look forward to my holidays, my trip to london, trip to croatia and whatever else ill do now that i have the whole summer to myself.

update: they just found me ..</3 we will play activity now heh

[nyaqtn]

hai im still alive but insanely stressed . . . more blogs soon to come !!!!! havent forgotten !!!!

[nyaqtn]

(∪｡∪)｡｡｡zzZ 18/4/2024; [5:16 pm]

im in my visual merchendising class right now and i have nothing to do... okay i wont lie , i have something to do but i dont want to do anything.. so :3 here i am !!!

i still have seven hours of school ahead of me... TT

at least im not toooo tempted to spend time outside, its raining and im glad im cozy and inside ( ∩´͈ ᐜ `͈∩)

after school, ill have to study ..i have a test tomorrow .. and im not prepared tooo well..sooo ill prepare today!!

i have three hours of politics class today.. idk how im gonna survive.. i need fun online games to play.. in order to pass time...aaaa..... theres tons of exams coming up and just thinking about it bores me ...i just want to have fuunnn and spend time outsideeee ..

i used to play the guitar.. almost every other day!! as i used to go to a music school, i got weekly lessons there and i even played electic guitar/bass in a band !! i really really reeaallyyy miss it soooo much.. playing the e-guitar for me is something like.. i guess you could call it a 'lost passion' ?? if that makes sense (´-﹏-；) it was something that kept me going and i really miss having enough time to practise TT i wish i could just pick up lessons again and have a fixed spot reserved for playing ... but with the amounts of schoolwork i have .. its not happening anytime soon.. ive been wanting to continue guitar lessons for 2 years now .. i even had a teacher pick out at some point but.. im just scared it will ruin the fun i have playing and turn it into a chore rather than a hobby ... lets just see where life takes me for now ヾ(･ω･`;)ﾉ

update: its some hours later now !!!! im in the train on my way back home hihi

currently listening to my j-pop playlist :3 i LOVVE riding the train/bus, listening to music and writing - i used to write poems on my way home from school.. maybe ill pick that up again aswell!!

i got my hair done yesterday and im not sure what to think of it yet.. im sure ill like it eventually.. it just has yet to grow on me..

i really want to try long but REALLY REALLY layered hair.. i wish i could get my hair to grow faster but ! i guess waiting teaches me patience ≖‿≖

ive been obsessed with croissants recently. my brother told me he likes to dip his into pistachio yoghurt .. i want to try so badly... ohmagooddbds.... i tried a crookie (croissant stuffed with cookie dough) today.. it was SO yummy ...

could continue writing for hours but i think ill use this motivation for some schoolwork TT

[nyaqtn]

ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ ) 13/4/2024; [10:34 pm]

i had a really nice day today, it was exactly what i needed.

first of all.. it was sooOOOOoo nice out.. the temperature was perfeeccttt - not too hot and not too cool, the kind of weather that makes you wish the day would go on for ever ...... ...

as soon as spring starts, my dad and i like to go on motorbike trips. we dont really have the intention of going to certain destinations, he just drives through places nearby (i live in the mountains so theres a lot to explore around here hehe) and i sit on the backseat of the bike, my headphones in and lose myself daydreaming while enjoying the scenery.. despite being a city-person, i really love it here and i just feel at home :3

ive had lots of time to think today so i have many things to talk about hehhehe

oh i also rode my bike today !!! just to check if it still works.. and it does, very well ´͈ ᵕ `͈

one thing that i really really want are rollerskates . i want to go rollerskating with my boyfriend SOOOSO badly.. i bet it would be sooo much fun..

ever since i was little i had this plan concerning getting my licence. the school im currently attending (a fashion school... been my dream since i was in elementary school..) consist of five grades - so to say it takes 5 years to complete, meaning i would be 19 when i graduate. i always had this plan of getting my licence once i gratuated since it would be less stressful... but now... im considering getting it next summer... my grandpa put some money aside when i was little and i will get it once i turn 18 (this november!!) .... i could invest that money into a car... ive been dreaming of owning a white fiat 500 for years.... i will see !!!!!

one thing i like about myself is that i dont need a fixed plan for everything. i love to just live in the moment and do whatever feels right whenever it feels right, this way of thinking has often helped me make my life less complicated and to live in the moment more often.. fufufufu

i ordered lots of clothes this week and im sooo looking forward to trying them on :D i also have a hairdresser appointment this week... and my boyfriend and i ordered skincare which should arrive in the near future aswell hehe

life has been getting better recently and ive come to many realisations that have helped strive into that direction.. i feel like myself again and am not on the verge of despair (specifically when it comes to school..)

i could go on talking for hours and hours but i think this entry is long enough.... hihi

[nyaqtn]

[nyaqtn]

ଘ(੭ˊ꒳​ˋ)੭✧ 5/4/2024; [12:39 am]

the weather !!! THE WEATHERR!! spring is finaalllyy here .. i couldnt be happier...

im in my french class rn and im dyinnggg because I WANT TO LISTEN TO MUSIC SOO BADLYY ... i have multiple songs stuck in my head specifically "like a strawberry" by plastic girl in closet..

its friday!! this week just didnt seem to come to an end. (っ ̯ - ) well.. this weekend is not going to be any better.. i have to study for my maths exam T^T

after school, ill pick up my boyfriend from work :3 i love to walk around, window shop and eat yummy things with him, specifically with this kind of weather!!

this week wasnt too bad.. except for tuesday (# ﾟДﾟ) ! one of my teachers got really upset at me for no valid reason.. and he got veeerry loud. . . he wouldnt even let me explain myself (｀ヘ´#) i never had a teacher scream at me so .. i was startled and im not sure why but it made me REALLY sad ...

i wish i had more money i have sososo many things i want .. and i want to buy lots of tasty food... NJOMNIOM im reaaalllyy hungry ╭( •̀ •́ )╮

[nyaqtn]

Gothic Lolita Cats / 「ゴスロリ猫 」

[nyaqtn]

sooo talented...

drawing i did i don't know if i like it

[nyaqtn]

(⸝⸝o̴̶̷᷄﹏o̴̶̷̥⸝⸝) 28/3/2024; [4:36 pm]

its raining outside.. usually id say that i love the rain but today it just seems to worsen my mood

the results for the exam i was giving my everything for turned out to dissapoint .. its okay though i will get over it

i am in a really bad mood, lets just call it being sad... .. but im trying to distrsct myself (which hasnt really been successful)

i miss riding the train every morning ..

i miss my cat

i miss feeling like ive accomplished something... just getting praised in any kind or feeling like its okay to reward myself..

today is a gloomy day.. i dont like days like these.. jm bad at coping and getting over sad feelings..

i wish i could just cheer up TT

[nyaqtn]

マリモを買ったらしっかりお手入れをしよう！

[nyaqtn]

(´.•﹏•`) 20/3/2024; [3:34 pm]

currently trying to study but i cant focus at all . . ... i dont think ive realised that i have to write my exam TOMORROW. .. the panic will kick in later for sure..

i feel guilty for missing school a lot and i feel like im stuck . im not sure how to explain it but i have these periods where time just passes and passes and i dont feel anything special, dont do anything special and im just well .. stuck? stuck in my everday stuck in my head and stuck in a sort of numb feeling.. not sure if that makes sense

im looking forward to springbreak (which is jn 2 days) and im also looking forward to my boyfriends birthday (which is also in 2 days!!) i have cool things in mind and planned hihi

i really miss playing pokemon .. i miss my old nintendo.. animal crossing new leaf.. i miss my childhood friends (to a point where theyve appeared in my dreams) i hope this spring will go by slowly, i have many things i want to do!!!!

okay i will try to study now .. once this exam is over i will definetly feel better and less . well.. stuck ? (i hope)

id rather play games and rollerskate outside..