nyeisha95

[nyeisha95]

Bleach 283: you don't hurt anymore // khalil gibran.

[nyeisha95]

Mark Grayson, baby boy I’m so sorry. I tried to save you, but now you’re stuck in a no chemistry, no sauce, no flavor relationship, and will be eating Seasonless food for the rest of your life. I really did try!!!!!!

[nyeisha95]

Meljay stans another win!! He drew his Mel while he was in the pit and he drew her from memory because she is his place of comfort <3

[nyeisha95]

The thing I never got about the fan reaction to Mel and Jayce's relationship (in general) is that people were incensed on Jayce's behalf that Mel used him for political gain, but like... that's what happens when the government sponsors your research. Obviously the funding mechanisms aren't the same because Piltover is an oligarchy where civic functions such as the Enforcers and even Zaun's ventilation system are privately funded instead of through a common pool of taxpayer money, but the purpose is the same, which is to benefit from the conclusions drawn from the results of the research.

I don't understand how anyone in the audience could be shocked or angry that when Mel, a high ranking representative of Piltover’s government, chose to invest in hextech it wasn't clear that she and Piltover would benefit. And it's not like this foreign concept to Jayce, he was originally being SPONSORED by the Kirammans', which is almost the same relationship except it's more explicitly private to the Kirammans' benefit, but I didn't see any pitchforks out for Tobias and Cassandra.

It's just such a double whammy headache to end up reading posts where Mel is hypervillainized while Jayce is practically infantilized because as an adult man in his 30s he simply can't understand complex relationships or make his own decisions. The way some fans have been offended on Jayce's behalf straight up erases any agency or even intelligence he has.

[nyeisha95]

First time drawing Mel from Arcane!

[nyeisha95]

Meljay isn’t boring. Most people are just unwilling to discuss or engage with them in a meaningful way because of their own biases + inability to think of ship dynamics beyond their cookie cutter tropes

[nyeisha95]

I love them too much✨

[nyeisha95]

meljay microfic | you give me a little peace | pg-m

[nyeisha95]

They can take a lot from us, but they cannot take away the fact that Jayce loved this woman with everything he had.

[nyeisha95]

A few things I want to point out about Mel I've seen people leave out:

-Mel gave Jayce the position of councilor because she was taught as a young child that giving positions of power is a form of love. Her mother told her as a child that she'd give her the world, if she'd proven worthy of it. Mel could have easily kept Jayce as just a head scientist, keeping him in the dark, but instead gave him more freedom to do whatever he wanted because she genuinely liked him. Why the way she did it right? No. Was it so she'd have more power? Fuck no.

-All of Mel's attempts at manipulating Jayce has been failures. She couldn't convince him to show off the new tech during Progress Day, she couldn't convince him to build weapons when she wanted him to, couldn't convince him to not make weapons when she changed her mind and most of his decisions from this point on were completely his own. Mel is able to manipulate everyone but Jayce and the arcane writers probably did that on purpose so their dynamic would be less icky.

-Mel only came to Piltover as a banished princess when she was around 18 to 22. She almost definitely wasn't a part of the council right on arrival and probably wasn't a part of it until much later on. There's even a chance she wasn't a part of it when Vander's rebellion happened. Blaming her, an immigrant outsider, for a conflict between two cities that's been going on for centuries is insane. The rest of the councilors are right there.

-Mel has never seen Zaunites as animals and I honestly have no idea where this take came from. Salo was the one who was rude to Vi during the council meeting. Cassandra called Vi a "stray". Tobias said rudely "what is she still doing here." Having one conversation with Jayce where she ignored Viktor cause he didn't agree with her doesn't mean she sees them all as beneath her. She was the one who tried to protect Zaun even after they threaten her life twice. She has enough flaws, you don't need to make new ones.

[nyeisha95]

Sugar's SasuHina Fic Rec List

For the lovely Scribbles-kun!

(So sorry it took so long, and I forgot to ask if you read smut so some of these have lemons…)

Authors

fyd818 (really anything by her, she has a lot of oneshots too)

emliyjm (start with Observation)

deadly chronicles (Kaminari-to-Mizu is my fave sasuhina right now)

Kia-B on tumblr is very active and is always posting drabbles and fics

Idontliveinatent (also on tumblr) is an artist and writer, you’ve probably seen her stuff around, she is really good.

Complete

My One in a Million

Ikigai

Blind Faith

A Traitor Branded

Requiem for a Dying Heart and its sequel  The Final Lullaby

Sharingan and Byakugan and its companion fic Orange Petals

Ice Cream and Sake

Okaeri and Snapshots: Black and White

AU

Coffee Connections

Shinobi of Honor

The Ties That Bind Us

It’s Not Over

In Progress

Fifty Days (I really love this one)

For the Good of the Village

Dear Stranger Make Me Remember

Nightmares

Oneshots

The Ultimate Snowball Fight

Who We Are Now (this one has a special place in my heart)

Hawking and its continuation Fans

April Showers, May Flowers (not really SasuHina) and Attraction

Drunk

In a Previous Life

A Study of Mannerisms and Alterations

Working Late

The Chill of Winter

Alpha Female (really like this one)

Fic that hasn’t been updated in years but still good

Grocery Store Romantics

Libido

Towards the Sun (I really wish this one would update)

Tsuki no Hanayome

I know there are a lot more really good SasuHina around but around a year or two ago I stopped really hunting for them so if any SasuHina fans want to recommend more recent fic it would be appreciated!

And there are some fics which I can’t find, like the tree one (yeah I know that is real specific) or the one where Hanabi’s maybe fiancee is asking Sasuke how he got Hiashi to agree to him marrying Hinata (I really like that one and I can’t find it).

[nyeisha95]

SasuHina Recommendation List

Okay, a lot of people recommend Fanfictions but to be honest, I notice that they keep repeating the same ones (or the same well-known authors), so I will make a list of the ones I have read thus far and truly recommend in no particular order.

Ikigai by Lanse. Complete.

Requiem for a Dying Heart by tranquilwriter. Complete. 

Fifty Days by ohgoditsbriony. Incomplete.

Stronger by Ink Child. Complete. 

Kamimari no Mizu by deadlychronicles. Incomplete.

Choosing S a s u k e by SOKiie. Complete. 

By Chance by Lolliot. Complete.

Muri Moshi by Renao Tanaka. Complete.

Stockholm Syndrome by mysery.loves.black.sheep. Incomplete.

A Traitor Branded by EmbraceDiversity. Complete.

Stuffy Noses by Meruhen Winds. Complete.

Naruto’s Plan by Hinata Lover. Complete.

The Reasons That Make Me Love You by Mizuki San. Complete 

Awkward by Hyuugamistress94. Complete.

Don’t Leave My Sight by stoic-idle. Complete.

The Irony of Love by juliaguila1017. Complete. 

Taking a Hint by Kia-B. Complete.

Undercover by Wendbria. Incomplete. 

The Trade Off by Rebel Jackson. Complete.

All For Love by Rampantt. Complete.

Blossoming Burnt Petals by Ayesha Raees. Incomplete. 

Smile For Me by MissLe. Complete. 

Ichinen by Cinderella Starsend. Complete. 

An Excuse For Detention by Kidscanfly. Complete.

Evanescent and Enduring by the point. Complete.

The Torture of Silence by LightBender. Complete.

Facts by Kiife. Complete.

Ice Cream and Sake by IceQueenrex. Complete. 

To Make An Uchiha Laugh by Crimson Siyrean. Complete.

And that is it for today. I will probably continue doing this until I finish all the SasuHina fanficts I find a good read. And not to forget the SPANISH SasuHina list, ‘cause i do have one, and the list keeps on growing. 

[nyeisha95]

Hi days! sorry if this is random 😅 but do you happen to know any nh fics that center around jealous naruto?

Yeah there’s a lot!  This isn’t random at all :D  I love this trope :DD

Jealous!Naruto

“Why would innocent little Hinata be out dressed like that” and it’s complete follow-up “On Any Given Day” by @utsus​ - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Related one-shots. Hinata tries to move on from Naruto, right when he realizes he wants to keep her.

“Jealousy Kiss (Version 2)” by @utsus - Rated M, Canon-Compliant, Short One-shot. Naruto has a complicated relationship with jealousy.

Untitled by @utsus​ - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, One-shot. NaruHina Prompt: (because it was hot as heck here today) how about NaruHina and bathing suits.

“Tsukuyomi Boyfriend” by @peppercornpresses​ - Rated G, Canon-Compliant, One-shot. Over a year has passed since the great Shinobi War, and people are finally starting to open up about their Infinite Tsukuyomi Illusions.

“Something New” by @waterrolls - Rated G, Canon-Compliant, One-shot. Can a clueless boy ever figure out romance? Maybe, and definitely not without the help of friends who have the couple's best interests at heart. Or, how Naruto and Hinata got their changes in uniforms.

“The Benefits of Jealousy” by Kieren - Rated E, Gangs AU, One-shot. Hinata Hyuuga reaps the benefits of jealousy with the leader of the Copper Coyotes.

“Master Servant AU” from “Tales of Two Ninjas” by @magmawrites​ - Rated M, Canon-Divergent, One-shot. Some relationships are forbidden but there are no rules when it comes to love.

“Hogwarts AU” from “Tales of Two Ninjas” by @magmawrites​ - Rated T, Magic AU, One-shot. Going to a school of magic only means the growing witches and wizards face the same trouble as growing muggles plus more. They will learn a lot more than magic at this school. They'll learn to love.

“A Special Friend” by agitosgirl - Rated E, Canon-divergent AU, One-shot. Yes, quiet, humble, heiress Hinata Hyuga and loudmouth hero Naruto Uzumaki were friends with benefits. (This one inspired my “Nightdreams” fic)

“Road to Relationships” by agitosgirl - Rated M, RTN!AU, Multi-chapter, Complete. Hinata and Menma have a very rocky relationship. It's filled with fighting, sex, make ups and break ups. The two of them cannot tolerate the other, yet they hate being apart.

“Engaged or whatever…” by Devahhole - Rated E, Multi-chapter, Complete.  Shenanigans, jealousy, and sex ensue when Naruto and Hinata decide to tie the knot. 

“A Fate Worse than Death” by Caelestia - Rated M for smut, A/B/O Canon-Divergent, One-shot.  Naruto, improperly socialized and traumatized as a child, rejects his inner Alpha, which has devastating consequences on his family and marriage.  “A Risky Bet” is its fluffier follow-up (and has Hinata attending a function with Hokage Naruto, who gets jealous).

“Jealousy” by Cheating Death - Rated M, High School AU, One-shot.  Naruto realizes he’s really into Hinata, but who’s that senpai hanging around her?

“if this is love (why does it hurt?)” by ClairvoyantDreamer1011 - Rated M, Friends with benefits Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Hinata knew many things about Naruto Uzumaki. She knew that his heated glances meant ‘I want you’; that lingering touches whispered 'please’, and that the sight of his back to her screamed 'leave’. But she couldn’t tell you what they were to each other for the life of her. (Angst warning)

“If You Said You Loved Me” by destiny’s sweet melody - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, One-shot.  Naruto begins to realize he took her feelings for granted and now he’s too late.

“A Love Never Seen” by HoneyWriter78 - Rated E and has rape/non-con, High School AU, Multi-chapter, Complete. Hinata Hyuga attend Konoha High she is part of the athletics group. She is friends with Ino and Shikamaru but is secretly in love with Shikamaru who is oblivious and loves someone else. She tried to fight her feelings not noticing that a certain senpai has had his eyes on her…

and then the one I wrote: “It’s No Secret” - Rated M, High School AU, Multi-chapter, Incomplete. Hinata returns to Konoha after 5 years studying abroad in the Moon Kingdom. She just wants to enjoy her last year of high school as a normal girl, but blossoming love forces her to confront her future.

Enjoy :DDD

[nyeisha95]

Sasuhina fanfic recommendation list

♡ Because all these hours of fanfic reading musn’t be for nothing, right? ☺ I’ll edit this to add some new things now and then ♡ /Long post ahead!/

Rating

All the fanfics here are those I really enjoyed reading, those who have a “something more” so when you stop reading, you feel happy and you wish it was longer.

I’m rather picky and don’t waste time anymore when a fic is either too badly written, extremely stereotyped or the development is too slow to my liking. It’ll be rated from ♥ to ♥ ♥ ♥  Warning ☁ = Abusive relationship Sexism and/or Sasuke being violent, pointedly scary or/and sexually abusive with Hinata. I can tolerate some amount while reading but the story has to be really (really) good for me to do so (Especially for the fanfics rated “M”, seriously what’s the thing with Hinata being humiliated (verbally mainly) during sex? It’s not sexy at all, please stop writing that!! ). Anyway, I’m a bit sad because it happens a lot in the fanfic world…I can’t let this pass, sorry :/ 

The Chaos Theory ♥ ♥ ♥ (Actually rewriten) Time travel sasuhina story.

/Spoilers/ The BEST FANFIC EVER. No, really: great story, great characters, with an heartbreaking ending…It took me time to get into it, but it’s so worth it. We even have two developments of the sasuhina story: one in the past and one in the future. I don’t usually like the children in fanfictions because they are most of the time unrealistically written and stereotyped, but the author is great at that too! The sex scenes are very good (which is pretty rare), and Hinata’s character is deeply pictured, strong but still withdrawn and quiet. Bonus: a good narusaku as side story! (The author is actually rewriting her story, so you cannot read it entirely, but patience!)

A Traitor Branded ☁ ♥ ♥  (Complete) One of the first sasuhina fanfic I read. Sasuke is back in the village, against his will. He starts taking interest in the Hyuga girl.

/Spoilers/ Good writing, good painting of the characters and a moving development. That’s a shame that Sasuke is totally an abusive boyfriend in this one: he starts with hating Hinata, he beats her for no reason ( send her to the hospital !!). He don’t respect her rejections or choices, etc. And the sex scenes are really cliché. Read it with caution. 

Ikigai ☁ ♥  (Complete) Greeeat plot! Hinata is blind because of Kabuto’s experiments. Sasuke saves her on a whim but ends up falling for her.

/Spoilers/ Rated ☁ because Sasuke deceives Hinata into a marriage she’s not aware of, letting her no chance of choosing freely the relationship. She’s kind of weak, resigned and submissive in all the story, letting others choose for her most of the time. We are encouraged to pity her, really. It doesn’t suit her character very well. However the story is good, and the finale really great! 

Okaeri  ♥ ♥  (Complete) Sasuke’s back into the village and he starts to train with Hinata.

/Spoilers/ I liked the fact that they get to know each other as friends first. Their emotions and reactions are very well painted, it’s exactly how I was picturing the two of them together. I really appreciated the fact that Hinata’s still in love with Naruto and takes time to heal from it first (with Sasuke’s help). More Sasuke’s POV would have been perfect, but still, it’s one of my favorite sasuhina fanfic. 

Catharsis ♥ ♥   Arranged marriage fic 

/Spoilers/ I’m not usually a fan of modern AU (or AU at all), but this one…Well it took my breath away! The trauma of losing a child is really well depicted, the couple bond around that loss. The sex scenes are…one of the best I read ♡ The development is a bit long in the end, though.

A Hundred Evils ♥ ♥ ♥ ☁  /TW serious breakdown, rape, suicide mention, PTSD/ Madara is in power, holding Hinata prisoner. Considered a traitor by all her friends, she’s sent back in time to try and change everyone’s past.

Well, the author hasn’t written since 2016 (TT^TT), but I’m still hoping she/he’ll continue this amazing beginning! It’s very dark, so be warned if you want to read it. This is why it’s rated ☁, not because of Sasuke’s behavior in this fic.

Dreams From Upstream ♥ ♥  (Complete) Sasuke meets a strange girl at the riverside.

Kind of a fairytale story actually. It’s short and well written. Really sad, but pleasant, with a wistful aspect all along.

Nightmares ☁ ♥ ♥ ♥ Hinata comes back tortured from a mission. As ANBU captain, Sasuke’s assuring silently the guard of the broken Hyuga.

/Spoilers/ This fic is very dark, with an abusive Sasuke: at the beginning he clearly hates Hinata and want to…kill her basically. It changes, fortunately, even if it stays problematic for me to fall in love with ones abuser. Otherwise, the characters are profoundly and beautifully painted, and the redemption is interesting. Guilty pleasure I’d say, read with caution.

The Madness of an enchanting obsession ☁ ♥ ♥ ♥ (Complete) Hinata wants to bring back Sasuke home for Naruto. But all goes wrong and she finds herself captured by the Uchiha instead.

The plot is great, very realistic: it match perfectly with the canon story! The author even adds some inventions of her/his own (the system of chakra gems is interesting and really well described). The relationship is developing greatly too, and several issues are at stake, not just the sasuhina thread.

Rated ☁ because of several assaults (kissing, groping without consent, and problematic rape representation -like male gazing)

One shot/ Prompts

Alpha Female ♥ ♥  Relations between Hinata Uchiha and team Hebi.

There is no sasuhina development, but to see their daily routine so well depicted is nice. It’s quite a funny story too, because team Hebi aren’t really welcoming of Hinata at first but she proves her value very well :)

Having Edge ♥ ♥ ♥ Arranged marriage one shot

Hinata and Sasuke, trying awkwardly to live with one another in an arranged marriage. Awesome fic, so sad it’s so short…

Words ♥ (Two shots) In wich your soulmate’s first words to you appear on your skin.

Almost lovers fic, super sad TT-TT but beautiful.

Everything written by @kia8088. ♥ ♥ ♥

Really, I don’t usually like AU but she writes awesome ones. (Bonus with the amazing brotp Inosasu !) Some favorites •Scarlet secrets 1, 2, 3 •Possessive Hinata •I’m yours •Drunk Utsu Heartsigh  ♥ ♥  Wounded during a mission, Hinata is rescued by…

Sweet sasuhina development, really in-character with a cute clueless Hinata in chapter 2.

Szajnie •Penpals ♥ ♥ 

Other Hinata pairings

(I also read Nejihina and Naruhina. Ocasionnaly Itahina and Gaahina) Here’s my favorites:

Nejihina Rosemary for Rememberance ♥ ♥ ♥ Your third is your own (one shot) ♥ ♥  Canvas in white ♥ 

Gaahina The benefits of amnesia ♥ ♥ ♥  (ab.so.lu.te.ly amazing, go read it, I’m not joking)

Naruhina A place in the sun ♥ ♥ ♥ Water and Fire (one shots, read in that order) ♥ ♥ ♥

[nyeisha95]

Sugar's SasuHina Fic Rec List

For the lovely Scribbles-kun!

(So sorry it took so long, and I forgot to ask if you read smut so some of these have lemons…)

Authors

fyd818 (really anything by her, she has a lot of oneshots too)

emliyjm (start with Observation)

deadly chronicles (Kaminari-to-Mizu is my fave sasuhina right now)

Kia-B on tumblr is very active and is always posting drabbles and fics

Idontliveinatent (also on tumblr) is an artist and writer, you’ve probably seen her stuff around, she is really good.

Complete

My One in a Million

Ikigai

Blind Faith

A Traitor Branded

Requiem for a Dying Heart and its sequel  The Final Lullaby

Sharingan and Byakugan and its companion fic Orange Petals

Ice Cream and Sake

Okaeri and Snapshots: Black and White

AU

Coffee Connections

Shinobi of Honor

The Ties That Bind Us

It’s Not Over

In Progress

Fifty Days (I really love this one)

For the Good of the Village

Dear Stranger Make Me Remember

Nightmares

Oneshots

The Ultimate Snowball Fight

Who We Are Now (this one has a special place in my heart)

Hawking and its continuation Fans

April Showers, May Flowers (not really SasuHina) and Attraction

Drunk

In a Previous Life

A Study of Mannerisms and Alterations

Working Late

The Chill of Winter

Alpha Female (really like this one)

Fic that hasn’t been updated in years but still good

Grocery Store Romantics

Libido

Towards the Sun (I really wish this one would update)

Tsuki no Hanayome

I know there are a lot more really good SasuHina around but around a year or two ago I stopped really hunting for them so if any SasuHina fans want to recommend more recent fic it would be appreciated!

And there are some fics which I can’t find, like the tree one (yeah I know that is real specific) or the one where Hanabi’s maybe fiancee is asking Sasuke how he got Hiashi to agree to him marrying Hinata (I really like that one and I can’t find it).

[nyeisha95]

Something New

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/3CDcaq4

by askyofsilver

“We should make love.”

Iris says in lieu of a greeting, bursting through Barry’s apartment door. He’s in the middle of making a sandwich, digging through the refrigerator looking for his gluten-free mayonnaise. He hits his head on the door at Iris’s abrupt intrusion, turning to look in her direction. Her hands are now on her hips, looking at him expectantly.

Maybe he is concussed because she couldn’t have said—

“I said we should make love, Barry.”

Words: 1619, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: The Flash (TV 2014), The Flash - All Media Types

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: F/M

Characters: Barry Allen, Iris West

Relationships: Barry Allen/Iris West

Additional Tags: Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Best Friends, A tiny bit of plot if you squint, Mentioned Eddie Thawne/Iris West - Freeform

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/3CDcaq4

[nyeisha95]

Not to sound demanding but I'd really love it if you'd write something with a prompt about ichigo and orihime breaking up and then getting back together 😀

You know, it's funny you asked for this because I'd been contemplating writing one for the longest time ever but didn't do it because I couldn't fathom a post-TYBW, mature IchiHime breaking up, considering they generally do tend to resolve their conflicts pretty quickly now, but I loved the intrigue of this and I hope I didn't butcher anyone's characterization here (even though I feel like I did).

Warning(s) for discussions of trauma, depression, self-loathing, and explicit content. Rated 'M' for adult themes.

Read on AO3/ff.net

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

(part i)

In the end, it was Orihime who decided to end things—a fact that surprised almost every friend and ally they’d ever made in the seven years they’d known each other, the five months after, when they had first started dating.

Those first five months had been nothing but warm. Even at their clumsiest moments—the thick uncertainty in the air when Ichigo had reached for a hand but grabbed air, or Orihime had tilted up to his mouth and met his chin—it had never been uncomfortable.

It was simply the consequence of being, of learning each other in ways they hadn’t allowed themselves to before when they were teenagers. They were young, and they were in love—which, she supposed, was a miracle for two people that had spent most of their childhood chasing after battles they had created for themselves, battles that had been thrust upon them for life, or for pride, whatever side of the coin they’d chosen this time. There was a time and place for most things in their life, and this time, they had decided, was their time to just do, and be and act for a change with no demands or promises for more.

It was in January that Ichigo had come over for a sleepover, the sharp winter air smoothing over them as they watched television.

“Do you think animals go to Soul Society when they die?” she murmured into his thigh, her hair splayed all over his lap as they watched a pack of lionesses chase a gazelle on cable.

Ichigo’s thumb paused from where it was rubbing lazy circles over her ear. “Dunno.” Then, “I saw a gecko once in Hueco Mundo.”

“A gecko?” She smiled.

“Yeah. One of those lizard things. Y’know. The one that looks a little bit like Ishida.”

She covered her mouth to keep a laugh from spilling out. “I’m telling him you said that.”

“I’ll tell him you laughed.”

She could hear the smile in his voice despite the nonchalance and suddenly, she wanted nothing more than to see it, twisting in place until she was on her back, his knee digging into her love handles.

"Come here," he whispered, eyes dark and full of intent when they settled on hers, and Orihime knew what he was going to do before he did it. She propped herself up with one palm on his knee and used the other to touch his cheek, looking into his eyes and hoping to convey everything she couldn't say. When he kissed her softly, so softly it ached, she might as well have been floating. It was such a wonderful intimacy, so simple and earnest that it filled her chest with joy—joy she had never thought she would get to experience again after that night she had said goodbye to him, all those many years ago.

“You’re so forward, Ichigo-kun,” she chided lightly when they parted, shifting to bury her head in his shoulder.

He snorted, but brought his hand up to rest on her back. It was warm. Safe. That was the part about this she loved best, she thought, watching the tv again, letting her mind drift.

Her first night in Hueco Mundo, she’d stayed up for so long, flinching at every passing shadow under the doorway, wondering for hours what they’d do to her; whether they’d kill her, or something worse entirely, her heartbeat fierce in her throat when they’d made her change into uniform right there, right in front of Ulquiorra and his blank, unfeeling stare. She knew now that that was the last thing he had wanted from her, but there were no words to describe how unsafe she felt back then. How afraid.

The little gazelle, now surrounded on all sides by the pack of snarling lionesses, began to tremble on her little legs but challenged them all with a fierce gaze. Ichigo yawned. Orihime felt something cold lodge in her throat, fingers digging into her arms on either side. The gazelle cowered. She was powerless; they would devour her for that alone.

“Something wrong?” Ichigo frowned.

“Can you change the channel please?” she asked tearfully, shying away from the screen and into his shoulder. She knew she was being irrational, but her hands were frigid and her heart had already welled up to her throat.

Ichigo was quiet for a moment. Orihime bit her lip, feeling small and tense when his body left hers to fumble around for the remote. When he returned to her side, his eyes were kind. “Let's watch Laugh Hour instead.”

She nodded, her chest filling with warmth when he tugged her back in place with a tight side hug, chin firmly planted on her head.

They stayed that way until the end of the program.

…

In the morning, she had felt ashamed of herself for reacting like that and apologized to Ichigo, who shook his head firmly and told her not to worry about it. His eyes had blazed in that familiar way—the way he got when they talked about Hueco Mundo, or rather, what they didn’t talk about Hueco Mundo, but said nothing. Ichigo knew the gist of it, but there were parts she kept secret because she knew he would blame himself, no matter how long it had been or how much stronger she had gotten since, and that was not something she wanted. She was different now—they were different now. The one thing she knew for sure was that she never wanted to stare after his retreating back ever again.

At the time, she could've sworn that was a one-off. But it wasn't. She felt feverish, like she'd been hollowed out. Though Ichigo had been nothing but normal towards her since that night, she felt something within her start to shrivel. She held back from reaching out to him, convinced she was growing far too dependent. Clingy. She began to wonder when he’d start feeling tired of her—when she would become more of an obligation and less of...whatever she was to him now. Orihime trusted him to be honest with her mostly, but the nagging voice in her head was insistent. After all, most people who got together as young as her and Ichigo did didn't stay together long. The magic would wear off soon and he’d see her for exactly who she was.

Useless. Weak. A burden.

She felt hollowed out.

...

Eventually, it was the smallest thing that set her off. They’d been having dinner, Orihime and his family, and Ichigo had made a little joke about her banana balsamic smoothies that burned the tips of her ears. It wasn’t even that; it was what Isshin said after that really, truly filled her with dread.

“You’ll have acquired a taste for it by the time you’re married, my boy!”

Ichigo had groaned at the double entendre, Isshin had positively beamed and Orihime—

Orihime was quiet the entire car ride home.

It was over. It had to be, for his own sake. She didn’t mind being lonely, but the last thing she wanted to do was hold him back. Though her head was in the clouds, her feet were rather firm on the ground and she knew, while she would always be in love with Ichigo, she didn’t have to tie him down. She had been selfish for wanting this, for not giving it up sooner.

Ichigo shot her a small glance from the corner of his eye. “Orihime, are you okay?”

She took a big, deep breath, knowing it was over. That she had ruined things for good with him.

“I want to break up,” she whispered, and that was the end of it.

…

The retreating winter rain held on all through February.

"I watched him die, you know. It was the worst day of my life," Orihime murmured, hearing Tatsuki's breath catch with the admission. "And I told myself, never again—I will never let him walk away from a fight injured ever again. I'll get stronger so I don't have to be a burden to him. And I did." She turned on her side, eyes brimming with tears. "So why is this happening again? Why do I feel like this, Tatsuki-chan?"

"Orihime." Tatsuki sighed gently, pulling the covers over them both. She'd seen this before, among students who'd broken a bone or been benched after a debilitating injury. They always thought they'd gotten better. They did get better. But that didn't mean the traces of the past didn't still linger in their deepest fears. Trauma didn't work that way. Trauma didn't care about how you were doing today, all it cared about was throwing your failures from yesterday right back in your face. And for someone who hated herself as much as Orihime did, it was a roadblock that told her she didn't deserve the life she had today.

"You're relapsing, honey. What happened to you over there wasn't your fault. You were scared and sixteen. You only think you could have done something now because you're older and stronger and more mature, but that girl? The girl that got kidnapped and tortured the way she did? You have to forgive her for not knowing any better."

Orihime said nothing.

Tatsuki sighed again. Orihime could be stubborn as a rock when she wanted to be. "I'm sure Ichigo would tell you the same thing if you hadn't broken up with him." She paused. "That's why you broke up with him, didn't you? You didn't want to hear it. Idiot."

"I didn't want him to blame himself."

"He does do that," Tatsuki admitted slowly, "but you two are all grown-up now. He's not the same boy he was when he met you, and you aren't the same girl. Don't you think you two have been through enough together for something as small as this to get in the way?"

Orihime sniffed. "I don't know."

Tatsuki pat her head. "You'll figure it out. I know you will."

…

The weeks leading up to April were probably the worst of it. Ichigo spent days drifting sleeplessly, wondering where he had gone so wrong at this, why he’d been unable to fix it. He knew he could be obtuse—had been told as much by everyone—but the failure of it dug deep now because they might as well have been right.

Even now, two months after the break-up, he still couldn’t find it in him to regret the time they had spent together, roaming around town aimlessly, laughing, holding hands, making love. The way she’d lean over and kiss the corner of his mouth so sweetly sometimes for no reason at all or call him, simply because she remembered him.

That day in his car, he’d begged her to talk, to tell him what he’d done and how he could fix it.

“Was it Dad? Did he say something to offend you?” he demanded desperately, feeling his heart seize at her downcast eyes. She was pale, and her eyes were red, but her mouth was firm, like she’d already convinced herself that whatever it was, it was bad. “Orihime. Say something.”

“No,” she whispered tearfully. “I just feel sick.”

“Of me?”

“No.”

She’d stared at her nails but she hadn’t said anything else.

A part of him craved her so much, hoping they’d run into each other somewhere or she’d call him, just so he could hear her voice. It wasn’t even about being together—not all of it. Mostly, he just wanted to know if she was okay, if she was eating well and passing her courses and if, when she went to bed at night, she had someone to smile about.

“I don’t know how you did it for forty years,” Ichigo grumbled, when he dragged himself out of bed to meet with Renji one day. “I felt like throwing rocks at her apartment window after four days so she would just talk to me, even just to tell me to fuck off.”

“Give her space,” Renji said patiently. “Maybe talking to you isn’t what she needs right now, and, knowing you, you’re probably beating yourself up about it—which is stupid as hell, by the way.”

“Then what do you want me to do?” Ichigo demanded. “She broke up with me.” She was sick, in her own words, and she wanted Ichigo to do nothing about it but walk.

Renji blew out a big breath. “She’s probably hurting as much as you are.” At Ichigo’s dubious look, he shook his head. “Take it from me, Ichigo, it takes a lot out of your sails to let go of someone you’ve loved forever if you think they’ve got a shot at something better.”

“Being with her is better for me,” Ichigo snapped. ”How could she think any differently, after everything we’ve been through?”

“How would she know that if you two didn’t spend any time apart?” Renji insisted, nudging his shoulder. “Give her time. You’re both young, you’ve still got a lot of learning to do…”

“...Just don’t wait for forty years and two wars for that to happen, alright?”

(part ii)

Weeks pass, and Orihime does her best to rebuild herself again, fielding concerned texts from Uryu and Chad politely, pleading with Rukia not to kick Ichigo out of doors and windows for something that was of no fault of his.

Ultimately, the first time she ends up seeing him after the break-up, it's at Chad’s birthday party. She knew she would before she got here, and it's probably why she's tipsy the way she is, but it doesn't stop her from stealing a peek at him where he's leaned against the door, talking to Mizuro.

It doesn't take him long to spot her, even with a sparse crowd between them, and when his mouth edges up in an uncertain smile, she feels her heart start to flutter. He's just as handsome as he was two months ago, high cheekbones, sharp hair that's trimmed maybe two inches shorter up his neck. He's already abandoned Mizuro in a bid to make his way up to her and the air feels electric with possibility.

"I'll make myself scarce then," Orihime barely hears Tatsuki say as he gets there, only two feet in front of her. All breath leaves her in a short rush. It both feels like too long and no time at all.

"Hey," Ichigo says softly, his eyes taking her in from head to toe until his gaze alone is enough to induce a fever under her skin. "How've you been?"

"F-fine," she lies, and they both catch it, faint and uncertain.

Ichigo takes one glance back at the kitchen, where most of their friends are, before fixing his intent gaze on her again. "Can we go somewhere and talk?"

...

The zipper on Ichigo's jeans keeps digging into her inner thigh, but Orihime isn't about to stop him any time soon.

"Ichigo," she gasps, tugging the short ends of his hair with blunt fingernails. Her skirt is askew, and his hands are on her underwear, and she can't breathe—he keeps bucking into her, pushing her against the wall like he can't stay away from her for too long without snapping back. Her hands push at his jacket, urging him to shrug it off frustratedly.

"Not here," he mutters against her lips, one hand distractedly fumbling against the wall to find a light switch. "I'll take you to bed."

They're at his apartment and he's holding her up with his body, his firm biceps tensing under her fingers like it hasn't been two whole months since the last time they did this.

"I missed you," she confesses weakly, and when he groans into the kiss, she can feel it thrum in the back of her throat. She needs him now and she needs him hard, as if to make up for all the times she spent remembering him with nothing but her hand between her legs. Whatever comes by later, that's for them to deal with later.

"I can't find the light switch," he mumbles, and he pulls away just long enough for her to catch her lipstick stains on his mouth.

They give up on it and collapse back onto the floor.

…

Later, with her head on his chest and his fingers trailing down the soft line of her spine, she feels content in a way she hasn't been in months. When they finished, he told her he missed her too and that's something she's been thinking about since.

"Orihime," he says gently, his mouth warm against her ear. "Can we talk about it?"

Orihime lifts her head, and digs her chin into his chest, cheeks still pink from the afterglow. "It?"

"Why we broke up."

Orihime feels her guilt twist sourly into the base of her stomach. She pushes herself up to sit on one watery elbow, eyes not meeting his. "My brain was being bad to me." She felt her breath catch when his hand reached up to tuck her hair behind her ear and suddenly, she wanted to tell him everything, every thought she'd ever had. "I was overthinking too much, and everything that was making me happy started making me sad." When her eyes finally shift up, they're wet. "I'm sorry I hurt you. I didn't want you to settle for someone like me."

Ichigo's eyebrows raise high before relaxing, and he drags her back down until his lips press against her forehead. He lets her press her face into his neck and breathe him in for a few quiet moments.

When he finally speaks again, his eyes are sad. "I didn't settle for you." There’s a cool edge to his voice. "I chose you."

Orihime's eyes widen. "Ichigo—"

"I don't know what I deserve, but I know what I want," he says strongly, "And what I want is you." His eyes finally soften, cheeks burning when their gazes meet. "Don't you want me, too?"

"I do," Orihime says sadly.

He sighs. "Then stop making yourself so damn sad already."

Orihime sniffles through a small giggle, and Ichigo smirks, just a slight tug of his mouth before growing serious again.

"You don't have to go through anything like that alone again," he says firmly, cupping her cheeks to make her look at him. "You have me. We're a team, right?"

Orihime nods, tightening her arms around him, feeling mellow and warm when he hugs her back. They’re almost falling asleep again when she lifts her head up and drags one finger under his jaw. “I’m sorry I wasn’t ready to hear it then.”

He smiles, and he’s almost her Ichigo again—her bright, brilliant and beautiful Ichigo and she can’t help but return it.

“Are you ready to hear it now?”

“Hmm.”

“Good,” he says, “because I’ll keep telling you as many times as you need it."