nytedevlin

[nytedevlin]

I realize now that it's not only that I wasn't given the chance to have you, but that I was also denied the chance to get over you, a threshold never crossed, that will forever remain a mystery to my soul.

[nytedevlin]

It is not for to sway another’s decision making through routine of my daily faculties, whatever they amount to, it is only my desire to be treated as i would be normally without any deeper insight into my private machinations or faculties.

Far to often does the inquiry within result in an unearned reputation that boils down only to fallacy, one of which I cannot rely on.

Nor can they.

[nytedevlin]

I am not a place of comfort for you, i can never be a place of comfort for you.

[nytedevlin]

I hope that i can continue to write my current fictions. I have abandoned all non fictional writings, as whether or not they contain truthful events followed by either insight or opinion utilizing source materials from more professional sources they will only yield diminishing returns. My hope is that my fictional writings can contain within a certain level of scrutiny similar meaningful concepts. In these days i carry with me a lot of anger, whether founded in fault or folly, my intention is to hold onto it and one day die having buried under years of practiced distraction or meditation. Many of life’s past misgivings and future potentialities flood my mind, i only proceed to let them flow over me as the tide rises and recedes. However painful. However disheartening. However unsettling.

[nytedevlin]

A prisoner of baser instinct searching for the balance between control and satiation. An agonizing thirst driven by desire.

[nytedevlin]

Where is the mercy?

[nytedevlin]

The attempt was to put your life together the response was that you never had one. No. You don’t get one. No. That one is mine. No. I’ll take yours. No. Get over here. No. Never be anything without you, nor in your presence. No. Never do anything for you. Do it for yourself. No. Scream through the hole in your chest. You will never be tall enough for your neck.

[nytedevlin]

A series of culled foresights make room for only hindsight’s careful gaze. Actions trickle into nothingness, and nothingness becomes the answer to forthright thinking and preemptive decisiveness. The best laid plans of mice and men…a shallow notion to finally become beholden to.

[nytedevlin]

For what it’s worth whatever I have done to sourn the relationships of those closest to me, so much so, that they would see it fit to shun me, and submit me to years of poverty where I can not only not enrich my life with the amenities afforded to the employed I am unable to seek the aid that would provide me the relief of purchasing clothing, toiletries in the form of soap and wiping materials, and if need be seek temporary housing. For what its worth, though I may not know the cause I cannot refute its reality, one that i must accept as well as despite its cause or circumstance can never forget nor acknowledge its necessity without reason or cause befitting of its magnitude.

[nytedevlin]

If it hurts your pride for me to treat you as my equal than I could never amount to something you would deem as equivalent. In this way we could never inhabit the same space. To be only at odds, searching for an equivocation that only amounts to the denomination of another is not a co existence but a servitude. Something I would abhor to submit another to.

[nytedevlin]

When I grew up I learned that reproductive organs are vestigial. That hurt me worse than Santa Claus.

[nytedevlin]

From windows to mirrors we reflect into a green oblivion where no sound can be heard, where you can smell nothing, and nothing can be tasted or touched, and as you lose sight in its seemingly endless vacancy you begin to bare witness to a dimension where you no longer exist.

[nytedevlin]

Does the voice you hear in your head belong to you? Does the voice you speak with? Can you hear yourself think?

[nytedevlin]

…I might slouch but im not slovenly, maybe ill open the door to see , and paint a perfect picture so clean that you would think i was orderly…

…Keep recording me, don’t order me, if i have to go door to door to be the type of man you need, ill stack so much paper and make you my quarter piece….

…?See hustling is what you do when you’re trying to make a mil, it’s rough, in the streets, when you’re looking for a deal. So roll one with me, if you gotta break a bill, you need to keep your head up high if you don’t want to catch a chill?…

…cling to life’s good graces, sprinkled with sour faces, a hard life will show who you really are when it puts you through its paces…

… I am running so much game I’ll have you thinking that you’re the boss but I’ll eat eat your ass for dinner if you think you’re the sauce, we might toss a couple back just to show you the cost, but if you try to step to me just know you’re taking a loss……

…Now don’t make me have to make you treat me like a criminal, acting like some shit was incidental, ill be running through your mind before I walk up and peel your cap back like I was meant to, don’t worry because nobody gives a fuck who sent you, your maker is inconsequential, best to step correct before ill treat your life like its a rental, I’m here to evict because your rents due…

…Doing all that fronting, you can’t see that this was coming, nowhere to go, but don’t worry it aint nothin, ima let that shit go before my mind gets up to something, a couple wild thoughts go off and you will see I wasn’t above it, or maybe I’m just not from it? You coulda fooled me because I was just about to become it…

…I like to try to be the bigger man, but that’s not what happens when i play the hand, its just bow down and kiss the land, and its already written down on the brand…

…sold down the river and soaked it gasoline, you are only two sips in and already fiend, if it could scratch as many itches as scrapes across the bed, i doubt you could count all the riches from the bullets in your head…

…If thats what it amounts to in the end, ill tell you to take your 2 cents to the toilet if your vomit is what Im supposed to call a friend, and maybe you will never call again, if thats the case ill count my blessings and remember that the bridge was broken because it didn’t bend…

[nytedevlin]

What you don’t atone for is what you are turning what might have been a mistake into something that you do. Far be it from me to make judgment but I am not privy to the wealth of God’s wisdom if you see it fit to seek him for it.

[nytedevlin]

I know one thing for certain, I could never feel alone with all of this rage inside of me.

[nytedevlin]

Sometimes life sucks like a gravity bong, as soon as god hit the shit I knew that ima’be on.

-crazy town’s Shifty - Shellshock Voice

-Run the Jewel’s - El-P Voice

One! Stacking so much bread that you would think it was for fun, don’t put no work in front of me, because “it’s over(chorus)”you know It gets it done!