oddeverafter

[oddeverafter]

How can you tell if your rats breathing is normal for them? The doctor couldn't even listen to one of my rats lungs cause he wouldn't stay still... Which just so happened to be the one I'm concerned about. He seems more tired than his brother. Eats fine, drinks fine(from what I can tell), plays like normal. BUT... He seems to breath faster than normal. Or compared to his smaller cage mate. I hear no weezing, no sneezing, his red nose hasn't bothered him since he adjusted to his cage. His smaller cage mate has still has sneezed once in awhile and random hickups. Doctor said it just seemed like normal stress from new home. He eats, drinks, plays ALOT. I need to get them a hammock so they can sleep higher than the bottom of their cage. I know they like it more cause of the warmth.

[oddeverafter]

He's okay right now. I'm gonna have to change their food to something better though and make sure they stay warmer. I'm thinking about getting a heat plate or lamp cause I hear good things about rats liking them. Both seem very tired today. But with the scary doctor visit and a lot of play time after, they've been knocked out for a few hours now. I still feel bad and worried for them. I wanna make their lives happy and I don't want them to feel any pain.

[oddeverafter]

Please be okay... I can't stop crying over my new rat being sick. The doctor can't see him till tomorrow... Idk if he'll make it. He is eating and drinking but he barely moves and is always tired. Please be okay... This is why I didn't want to have rats again. I get so attached so quickly and idk what I'll do tomorrow if I wake up to find him dead. I want to help him but I can't I feel like I'm failing him.

[oddeverafter]

My grandmother wants to take her back... I just... Idk what to do anymore.

[oddeverafter]

I warned him! DO NOT LET HER GO ALONE. What does he do? FUCK EVERYTHING. How can our medical fuckheads just let someone who is a threat to those around them walk by just saying... Nope, never happened. Everyone's just making up stories. This is the same bullshit that my mother pulled when I tried to have her committed. THE SAME FUCKING THING. This time their is evidence!! The bruises are from days ago and since it wasn't same day it doesn't count? The doctors didn't even listen to the voicemail before they let her go. Then they listen to it and say what? Oh well we would of kept her if we had heard that. FUCK! Now my mother is missing with no where to go. Still a fucking threat. My grandmother is to scared and "my poor daughter" to press charges so they can warrant her and go after her. She beats you! Why wouldn't you!? I know I'm going to be the first person my mother calls... What the fuck am I suppose to say? Go back, admit what you did, get help. She thinks she is FINE! You hear voices, want to hurt people most days, and think everyone is out to get you... But NO... THATS NORMAL!? That's fine!? ... AAAAHHHHH! I'm so angry!

[oddeverafter]

My mother is about to go away for awhile. Someone called my brothers phone (my grandmother?) and all he could hear is screaming. My mother has a problem... And she won't admit there is one. I don't know if she is blacking out or if she sees what she is doing isn't an issue. My grandmother never listened to me. She would never call for help. Not until it was months later and it was always to me... She is a victim! My mother gets physical with people for no reason. Say you want to just tear into somones face cause they aren't good people... Mind you... You don't even KNOW some of these people. Hearing things isn't a good sign. I get some people are religious but don't say God has picked you to be some "special" person and justify you hitting your own 80 year old mother cause her face looks different than it did yesterday. No one wants their family to have problems. For it to escalate to calling police and someone being forced to get help instead of realizing they have a problem.... But it happens. I'm 500 miles away. I can't be the mediator of this. I can only sit here waiting for texts from my brother telling me what is going on. I myself tried to have her commited years ago. My state can't hold anyone if they just deny everything. Called help lines but nothing seemed to of come from it. Maybe cause I'm in a different state? Why is the USA so fucked up? You can't deny physical evidence. Bruises and cuts, a voicemail... This sucks... I'm sad it escalated this badly. I'm glad it's finally happening. She needs help. Now she will be forced to get help. I've seen what happens in hospitals for mental illness. I don't want to see her in that environment. Now there is no option. ...what do I do? I feel almost numb to this. I shouldn't be feeling like this.

[oddeverafter]

Wish I could text you. Wish we could just talk. So many problems and I can't even vent any of it. I guess I messed that up. I don't have friends... I don't know how to be a friend anymore. I'm sorry. I'll just sit here till you text me again. Ask if it's still okay for me to text you. I'm worried that it'll just make things harder for you if I text you out of the blue.

[oddeverafter]

I feel really sad today. I felt that way yesterday too... I know I have to put on a face while at work. Yay closing :( I just want to not have to worry about other shit than what I feel like I should handle. Why am I still having to close? I wake up at 4:30am, go to work, and fall asleep around 10 or 10:30 at night. Cause I'm tired.... But I have to stay awake past my "bed time" cause I will still be at work at 10 And 10:30. Does the manager not understand how that doesn't work very well? I know I'm going to go to work and just feel like a zombie. It'll be busy and I won't wanna deal with peoples bullshit EVERY FUCKING WEEKEND. I hate my job more than I'm permitted to express. I don't feel comfortable around over half of the staff there. The whole store feels like some endless black void. Yesterday I tried to buy everyone ice cream. I thought it would make me feel better by making people happy... But it just didn't feel right. People said thank you but... I guess I just didn't get the reactions I was hoping for. I guess that makes me selfish in some way...

[oddeverafter]

I feel decent today. I woke up feeling sooo tired but I still want to work. Got a lot done... Even if we didn't get EVERYTHING done. We got pretty damn close. Went to the store and saw another friend I haven't Sean in awhile. Might be able to help out with his future artwork. I'm going to make dinner tonight. I hope the day ends well.

[oddeverafter]

Even though I felt like crap... It was a good day. I got to see you. I got some things accomplished and I might start my new crochet pattern today.

[oddeverafter]

Went to Comic-Con and it wasn't bad. First one and really small. Bought a black keyblade and for Sean Schemmel and 3 comic book men autographs. Bought new yarn for a project and now I really want juice. I want to go see you... But idk if your at work. Would texting you be a bother?

[oddeverafter]

Treating me like shit again... I work. I can't just call off when I close. It's not my fault you want me to go somewhere 2 days before. I don't have time to fix my schedule around you. You have that luxury and I don't... Cause you dont have responsibilities at your job like I do.

[oddeverafter]

I wanna go see you. Help out... But your almost an hour away. Why so far away? I feel like I'd just be a burden.

[oddeverafter]

Went for a walk at the lake... There were people. They kept looking at me. Probably cause I was walking around alone. It was still nice outside.

[oddeverafter]

I feel like I want to be out of the house. Do something... I don't wanna be alone. Maybe I should drive to the park... Maybe take a walk if its not to crowded. The life of having no friends...

[oddeverafter]

We have an associate that does nothing... Mind you, we've had many like this... But not at manager level. When your manager refuses to do anything, the rest of the crew won't do anything. Yes the store sales are improving *cough*freight*cough*... But what about the floor as a whole? Its suffering... Majorly. I was told today that said manager refuses to pick up clothes off the floor. ARE YOU KIDDING!? It's EVERYONES job to help recover and make things presentable... But an assistant manager refuses? Not to mention the returns that are left every night? Toxic person is toxic... She needs to quit, get fired, or transfer back to her store. They want the store to be successful? Make a better environment for everyone. There is no happiness in this store. I don't care what our DM thinks... He's not there to see this bullshit. Maybe they'll transfer me out of that black hole too... Wishful thinking.

[oddeverafter]

Ever had a moment where you feel like your dreaming? Where you see someone or you notice something.

Idk…

I feel like seeing him was a dream… Wish he could of stayed longer. Would of been nice to have a lunch buddy.