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[offeistyfire]

Sylvie was being herself. The happy go lucky bubbly girl she lost sight of. She lost herself in feeling miserable. She felt sad and pathetic more times than not lately. Sylvie was sad and she was exhaustion it suddenly felt like this out of body experience for her. She missed Matt; she was tired of the missed calls of the voicemails she wanted to communicate. And she knew following him to Organ wasn’t the answer. She had been the girl that followed a boy or ran from one before; and she refused to turn into that girl again. Love didn’t feel enough; and each smile that broke out upon her bare lips said it. Connor was funny; he brought this lightness to my morning. 

Burger and fries; I knew the diner down the road man the meats they used on their burgers melted in your mouth. Sylvie was thin, but she also enjoyed a good meal, nor did she force herself to work out or eat salads to keep the weight gain down. She was a girl who knew how to eat food. As she slowly lowered herself down into the chair across opposite of where Connor was sitting. “ And there’s a great place down the block that makes the best burgers. I owe you lunch or dinner after this.’ The kindness Connor had been a stranger to me; we knew each other as first responders but we were hardly friends. And now I wanted to be his friend. As he passed the berries; I had allowed our hands to brush gently before I took the spoon and placed a few freshly red strawberries onto my plate, I had my waffle cut in half as I slowly moved to use my utensils and I glanced to the male who was already up to gather his coffee. I fought the urge to kick him out of my kitchen. But I also felt the numbness in my wounded wrist which is the only reason why I smiled and said “ Coffee please.” I was allowing Connor to help. Because I felt hurt; I was wounded and I just sat down. 

I didn’t realize how badly I needed to sit until now; It was nice to smile; to breath in air without sadness.

continued

@smugsurgeon

The last few months felt like a blur in time. Because Sylvie Brett was struggling; she was trying to compartmentalize it all; to tell herself she was okay. To tell herself it was normal to miss someone you loved. And man did she love Matt, he was the perfect guy. It had taken so long for her; to accept how she felt about him. For her to be okay with falling in love with him. And finally he had said it back; he loved her; and for a bit a few months we were on solid ground; on the same page. Until the shoe dropped he wanted to move to Orgen, he wanted to be there for two kids that lost a fallen dad years ago and who had to witness their mother going into jail; it was a hard pill to swallow. I knew Matt; his mind was made up, the other thing he was unsure of was me. I had done the whole following a guy before and it never ended well in my experience. 

As much as I loved Matt I refused to be the one to give up my life, my apartment, my career for a relationship that wasn’t a sure thing. I convinced myself into believing long distance could work. I convinced myself that I was okay. I pretended by putting on a poker face with my friends; but the reality was, I was not remotely okay. I missed him. I missed waking up next to him; I missed hearing his voice, the list went on and one. I felt like my life was consumed based on when i’d hear a call from him, or a message. I hadn’t been sleeping right which was the result of tonight. Why I like a patient get advantage of me, why I had let the patient run when I was hurt. I was a well qualified paramedic, i knew how to approach patients; especially when distraught. Yet I had froze, I had messed up. I cared so deeply, I had the passion to keep pretending to be okay. But tonight opened my eyes. I couldn’t keep living like this; I had to prioritize myself. I had to let go of a great love; we’d always have someday. Connor he was a good guy. We’ve talked in passing due to the patients we see; but tonight was the first time we talked; on a more personal level. 

He cared enough to drive me home; to not pry into my deeper thoughts. He cared enough to grab dinner, and keep me company. I was a patient for him; meaning if my arm had come off worse from the stitches it would fall on him. That’s the most logical explanation as to why he wanted to drive me home; ensure my safety. It was sweet; of course I heard the rumors of his tenacity with women. He was a player; but that wasn’t the vibe I got. I think he was misunderstood and he let the whispers occur. But I never judged a book on its cover; which was confirmed when he spoke the phrase to me. 

“ I don’t judge, based on what I see. You’re a good guy Connor. Someday a woman will see it. I am sorry about Robin and the hassle the hospital probably gives you on your lack of dating life.” A harmless joke towards the end. It was nice to laugh again. To find a reason to joke and smile. The circumstances could’ve been avoided; my lack in judgement tonight; but Connor was somehow bringing a light back to my face. 

Head tilted towards the window. I felt the slight ache in my arm; which is why my free hand had placed itself almost comforting over the bandaged wound. I just wanted to eat and rest, that’s why tonight looked like in my mind. I just hoped Connor didn’t mind sticking around for a few hours. Friends? It was a nice idea; to be able to turn towards someone who didn’t know Matt who might be on my side, why I felt torn with myself. A small hint of a smile creeped onto the corners of my lips. 

“ Friends, I’d like that. Assuming you don’t mind hearing about all my baggage, it might have you running for the hills.” A quip a joke well partly because where I was emotionally felt like baggage. Nearing the restaurant; for the chinese food; I had let my eyes drop closed briefly. 

Easy to joke; to tease of the idea of another dinner; eyes lifted again to narrow my light hues on the male driving. “ In other words next time we go out, I have to get injured to get the kind of food I want, noted.” A laugh emitted through bare lips.

[offeistyfire]

A cheap date; is what Sylvie felt like. She was limited to the usage of her hands; due to the stupid mistake she made last night. A close call with death if you ask me. The word date was a causal word, she didn’t mean date date. Obviously she was with Matt still. She meant it when she said she wanted to keep them the same when he left. He had obligations to those boys and i understood. But it didn’t mean I was okay with feeling alone, each time I looked at the empty draws in my bedroom a place I was welcoming him into my home I felt sad, I felt vulnerable. This morning was able to smile, the first time I felt that carefree energy within the apartment. 

I had to argue a huge part of that had to be Connor; his humor the way he easily brushed off my fumbles of words without making me feel like an idiot. I was a blonde but I wasn’t dim. Sylvie was the one to glance over her shoulder towards the man, His prompt and she had to let it settle in before shoulders were shrugged. “ I’d say burger and fries, as much as I enjoy a great chicken salad the burger will have my mouth melting each time.” I get it; men have this conception of women that they eat salads, to not gain weight; but Sylvie she loved a burger, she loved her snacking just you look in the pantry; and Connor would get the idea of the type of food lover she was. Not to mention her cabinets full of baking items. She loved to bake; so breakfast was easy for her; despite her needing an extra hand this morning. Once she took in his skills with those strawberries; the blonde swore she wore a bright smile on bare lips. “ Perfect, do you want coffee or juice?” I was the host this morning, despite needing an extra pair of hands; I wanted to be nice to offer whatever beverage he desired. 

Moving from the counter with the plates of waffles, the female had walked over to the kitchen table placing one plate down. “ You can bring the strawberries over, and take what you want.” Sylvie was okay; she was on a road to closing a chapter and opening a new.

continued

@smugsurgeon

The last few months felt like a blur in time. Because Sylvie Brett was struggling; she was trying to compartmentalize it all; to tell herself she was okay. To tell herself it was normal to miss someone you loved. And man did she love Matt, he was the perfect guy. It had taken so long for her; to accept how she felt about him. For her to be okay with falling in love with him. And finally he had said it back; he loved her; and for a bit a few months we were on solid ground; on the same page. Until the shoe dropped he wanted to move to Orgen, he wanted to be there for two kids that lost a fallen dad years ago and who had to witness their mother going into jail; it was a hard pill to swallow. I knew Matt; his mind was made up, the other thing he was unsure of was me. I had done the whole following a guy before and it never ended well in my experience. 

As much as I loved Matt I refused to be the one to give up my life, my apartment, my career for a relationship that wasn’t a sure thing. I convinced myself into believing long distance could work. I convinced myself that I was okay. I pretended by putting on a poker face with my friends; but the reality was, I was not remotely okay. I missed him. I missed waking up next to him; I missed hearing his voice, the list went on and one. I felt like my life was consumed based on when i’d hear a call from him, or a message. I hadn’t been sleeping right which was the result of tonight. Why I like a patient get advantage of me, why I had let the patient run when I was hurt. I was a well qualified paramedic, i knew how to approach patients; especially when distraught. Yet I had froze, I had messed up. I cared so deeply, I had the passion to keep pretending to be okay. But tonight opened my eyes. I couldn’t keep living like this; I had to prioritize myself. I had to let go of a great love; we’d always have someday. Connor he was a good guy. We’ve talked in passing due to the patients we see; but tonight was the first time we talked; on a more personal level. 

He cared enough to drive me home; to not pry into my deeper thoughts. He cared enough to grab dinner, and keep me company. I was a patient for him; meaning if my arm had come off worse from the stitches it would fall on him. That’s the most logical explanation as to why he wanted to drive me home; ensure my safety. It was sweet; of course I heard the rumors of his tenacity with women. He was a player; but that wasn’t the vibe I got. I think he was misunderstood and he let the whispers occur. But I never judged a book on its cover; which was confirmed when he spoke the phrase to me. 

“ I don’t judge, based on what I see. You’re a good guy Connor. Someday a woman will see it. I am sorry about Robin and the hassle the hospital probably gives you on your lack of dating life.” A harmless joke towards the end. It was nice to laugh again. To find a reason to joke and smile. The circumstances could’ve been avoided; my lack in judgement tonight; but Connor was somehow bringing a light back to my face. 

Head tilted towards the window. I felt the slight ache in my arm; which is why my free hand had placed itself almost comforting over the bandaged wound. I just wanted to eat and rest, that’s why tonight looked like in my mind. I just hoped Connor didn’t mind sticking around for a few hours. Friends? It was a nice idea; to be able to turn towards someone who didn’t know Matt who might be on my side, why I felt torn with myself. A small hint of a smile creeped onto the corners of my lips. 

“ Friends, I’d like that. Assuming you don’t mind hearing about all my baggage, it might have you running for the hills.” A quip a joke well partly because where I was emotionally felt like baggage. Nearing the restaurant; for the chinese food; I had let my eyes drop closed briefly. 

Easy to joke; to tease of the idea of another dinner; eyes lifted again to narrow my light hues on the male driving. “ In other words next time we go out, I have to get injured to get the kind of food I want, noted.” A laugh emitted through bare lips.

[offeistyfire]

Sylvie wasn’t the type of girl, to need help, she hated the idea of feeling as if she was dismal in destress. Slyvie was capable of taking care of herself. She was capable of being able to handle herself especially at simple everyday tasks. Cooking a meal it was frustrating and Sylvie didn’t want to feel frustrated in the moment. But her lack of mobility; being able to do more than one task at a time was frustrating. She did appreciate the fact that Connor wasn’t breathing down her neck; he was patient with her; and gave that comforting grin of his; that made her body relax. 

By now the waffles were being cooked,the light and beep sounded notifying the blonde the first batch was all done. Lifting the lid; she used her fork to carefully handle the warm waffles and managed to land it on a plate, and she kept going with the second batch. Turning her gaze over to the welcoming male, who didn’t care if she made a fool of herself; or her lame attempt at covering her fumbled words. A few minutes of silence lingered on with the offer of dinner; it was friendly acquiesce type of meal eating just like breakfast this morning. Her thought debate in her head wasn’t because she intended on uttering the words no, it was just Matt was in the back of her mind, we’ve been set on the rocks, but technically I was with him still; how long? I had no idea; I was playing it day by day; but for the first time I felt rested, I felt like myself in a sense now. 

“ Dinner sounds lovely, I’m a simple date, no fancy meals please.” Not that this was a date; but given how easy going the male was; I got the sense I didn’t have to clarify myself up this time, so instead I felt a lingered smile appear on my lips. And I finished putting the last waffle on the plate, before I had turned the machine off, that way there would be no possible chance to burn my place down; that be funny right? I wasn’t stupid with a pleasant expression laced upon my features I started to move out of the kitchen. “ Strawberries done?” I asked.

continued

@smugsurgeon

The last few months felt like a blur in time. Because Sylvie Brett was struggling; she was trying to compartmentalize it all; to tell herself she was okay. To tell herself it was normal to miss someone you loved. And man did she love Matt, he was the perfect guy. It had taken so long for her; to accept how she felt about him. For her to be okay with falling in love with him. And finally he had said it back; he loved her; and for a bit a few months we were on solid ground; on the same page. Until the shoe dropped he wanted to move to Orgen, he wanted to be there for two kids that lost a fallen dad years ago and who had to witness their mother going into jail; it was a hard pill to swallow. I knew Matt; his mind was made up, the other thing he was unsure of was me. I had done the whole following a guy before and it never ended well in my experience. 

As much as I loved Matt I refused to be the one to give up my life, my apartment, my career for a relationship that wasn’t a sure thing. I convinced myself into believing long distance could work. I convinced myself that I was okay. I pretended by putting on a poker face with my friends; but the reality was, I was not remotely okay. I missed him. I missed waking up next to him; I missed hearing his voice, the list went on and one. I felt like my life was consumed based on when i’d hear a call from him, or a message. I hadn’t been sleeping right which was the result of tonight. Why I like a patient get advantage of me, why I had let the patient run when I was hurt. I was a well qualified paramedic, i knew how to approach patients; especially when distraught. Yet I had froze, I had messed up. I cared so deeply, I had the passion to keep pretending to be okay. But tonight opened my eyes. I couldn’t keep living like this; I had to prioritize myself. I had to let go of a great love; we’d always have someday. Connor he was a good guy. We’ve talked in passing due to the patients we see; but tonight was the first time we talked; on a more personal level. 

He cared enough to drive me home; to not pry into my deeper thoughts. He cared enough to grab dinner, and keep me company. I was a patient for him; meaning if my arm had come off worse from the stitches it would fall on him. That’s the most logical explanation as to why he wanted to drive me home; ensure my safety. It was sweet; of course I heard the rumors of his tenacity with women. He was a player; but that wasn’t the vibe I got. I think he was misunderstood and he let the whispers occur. But I never judged a book on its cover; which was confirmed when he spoke the phrase to me. 

“ I don’t judge, based on what I see. You’re a good guy Connor. Someday a woman will see it. I am sorry about Robin and the hassle the hospital probably gives you on your lack of dating life.” A harmless joke towards the end. It was nice to laugh again. To find a reason to joke and smile. The circumstances could’ve been avoided; my lack in judgement tonight; but Connor was somehow bringing a light back to my face. 

Head tilted towards the window. I felt the slight ache in my arm; which is why my free hand had placed itself almost comforting over the bandaged wound. I just wanted to eat and rest, that’s why tonight looked like in my mind. I just hoped Connor didn’t mind sticking around for a few hours. Friends? It was a nice idea; to be able to turn towards someone who didn’t know Matt who might be on my side, why I felt torn with myself. A small hint of a smile creeped onto the corners of my lips. 

“ Friends, I’d like that. Assuming you don’t mind hearing about all my baggage, it might have you running for the hills.” A quip a joke well partly because where I was emotionally felt like baggage. Nearing the restaurant; for the chinese food; I had let my eyes drop closed briefly. 

Easy to joke; to tease of the idea of another dinner; eyes lifted again to narrow my light hues on the male driving. “ In other words next time we go out, I have to get injured to get the kind of food I want, noted.” A laugh emitted through bare lips.

[offeistyfire]

Sylvie was independent. She was the one who moved to chicago after calling off her wedding. She was the one to make friends, make a found family here in the windy City. She was the one that found a home, setting down her own roots, and she could admit to herself she was proud of the life she made. In this new apartment, and for a bit since that accident last night she stopped feeling the aching. Stopped feeling as if she was alone, and yeah she had no idea she was pouting until she noted that smirk on Connor’s face, that annoying smirk of his. He was a helpful person, it was in his nature. 

Sylvie simply didn’t like feeling helpless. She was within the medical field, she knew the recovery process like the back of her hand. Her wounded wrist, the sling was preventing her from moving consistently through the breakfast process. And no she wasn’t being unappreciative towards the male, but it was different. Good hand moved along the last bits after closing the maker as she waited upon the alarm that indicated the first batch was done, noting how Connor ran his cooking and cleaning method she creased a grin along her pouted lips. “ okay, teamwork, but once i’m healed no wounded wrist and all I owe you a proper breakfast.” Noting it could sound as if she was assuming she’d find the male here at her place at the early hours once again, she had to cough to clear herself up. ‘ I mean, a meal, I owe you a proper meal Connor.” Fumbling on her words; Classic Sylvie but why? This was Connor a friend? Right?

continued

@smugsurgeon

The last few months felt like a blur in time. Because Sylvie Brett was struggling; she was trying to compartmentalize it all; to tell herself she was okay. To tell herself it was normal to miss someone you loved. And man did she love Matt, he was the perfect guy. It had taken so long for her; to accept how she felt about him. For her to be okay with falling in love with him. And finally he had said it back; he loved her; and for a bit a few months we were on solid ground; on the same page. Until the shoe dropped he wanted to move to Orgen, he wanted to be there for two kids that lost a fallen dad years ago and who had to witness their mother going into jail; it was a hard pill to swallow. I knew Matt; his mind was made up, the other thing he was unsure of was me. I had done the whole following a guy before and it never ended well in my experience. 

As much as I loved Matt I refused to be the one to give up my life, my apartment, my career for a relationship that wasn’t a sure thing. I convinced myself into believing long distance could work. I convinced myself that I was okay. I pretended by putting on a poker face with my friends; but the reality was, I was not remotely okay. I missed him. I missed waking up next to him; I missed hearing his voice, the list went on and one. I felt like my life was consumed based on when i’d hear a call from him, or a message. I hadn’t been sleeping right which was the result of tonight. Why I like a patient get advantage of me, why I had let the patient run when I was hurt. I was a well qualified paramedic, i knew how to approach patients; especially when distraught. Yet I had froze, I had messed up. I cared so deeply, I had the passion to keep pretending to be okay. But tonight opened my eyes. I couldn’t keep living like this; I had to prioritize myself. I had to let go of a great love; we’d always have someday. Connor he was a good guy. We’ve talked in passing due to the patients we see; but tonight was the first time we talked; on a more personal level. 

He cared enough to drive me home; to not pry into my deeper thoughts. He cared enough to grab dinner, and keep me company. I was a patient for him; meaning if my arm had come off worse from the stitches it would fall on him. That’s the most logical explanation as to why he wanted to drive me home; ensure my safety. It was sweet; of course I heard the rumors of his tenacity with women. He was a player; but that wasn’t the vibe I got. I think he was misunderstood and he let the whispers occur. But I never judged a book on its cover; which was confirmed when he spoke the phrase to me. 

“ I don’t judge, based on what I see. You’re a good guy Connor. Someday a woman will see it. I am sorry about Robin and the hassle the hospital probably gives you on your lack of dating life.” A harmless joke towards the end. It was nice to laugh again. To find a reason to joke and smile. The circumstances could’ve been avoided; my lack in judgement tonight; but Connor was somehow bringing a light back to my face. 

Head tilted towards the window. I felt the slight ache in my arm; which is why my free hand had placed itself almost comforting over the bandaged wound. I just wanted to eat and rest, that’s why tonight looked like in my mind. I just hoped Connor didn’t mind sticking around for a few hours. Friends? It was a nice idea; to be able to turn towards someone who didn’t know Matt who might be on my side, why I felt torn with myself. A small hint of a smile creeped onto the corners of my lips. 

“ Friends, I’d like that. Assuming you don’t mind hearing about all my baggage, it might have you running for the hills.” A quip a joke well partly because where I was emotionally felt like baggage. Nearing the restaurant; for the chinese food; I had let my eyes drop closed briefly. 

Easy to joke; to tease of the idea of another dinner; eyes lifted again to narrow my light hues on the male driving. “ In other words next time we go out, I have to get injured to get the kind of food I want, noted.” A laugh emitted through bare lips.

[offeistyfire]

Independent, it’s who Sylvie Brett was. The few times she’s allowed herself to lean on another person for support, to help anchor her they left. Did she trust releasing control? No Sylvie was a hot mess. Between the ache that never left her body from Matt being gone. From the trouble sleeping; to her inability to keep control of her own paramedic skills. She was smart; she was fast paced, last night that accident kept rolling around in her head. Her injured limb was her fault. She was the reason why she had to get stitches; why a sling was forced upon supporting her injuried arm. She was why she couldn’t cut damn strawberries. And Connor meant well; he was a friend wanting to assistance her. And she swore it took all the power in the world to say yes; to make this  arrangement. But Sylvie knew if she attempted to cut strawberries in half she’d end up with a sliced up finger. 

Yes a doctor on hand; but she had to trust the process; trust Connor now, to help with breakfast. Was she pouting now? Probably unintentionally. A humor to the doctor just add that to his appealing qualities the blonde spoke to herself, before tilting her head up to let her eyes meet his briefly. “ It does suck, especially when I am very skillful in the kitchen.” And I was; I had skilled hands; I was able to move smoothly and balance each task. It was a hobby a place that calmed all my senses. And now I had to holt myself; I had to focus on one task at hand. “ Assuming I haven’t drove you mad by then it’s a deal.” A mad to being tossed aside; I was sweet, I was sensitive and the fact the man I loved picked a whole other state over us; just stung and Sylvie was picking up the broken pieces. 

The blonde had moved to pour the batter onto pan for the waffles  and she slowly closed the top to allow it to cook. Peering over her shoulder to the sink. “ You don’t have to clean, I’ve already put you to work more times than one..” A laugh echoed out; but something told me this was Connor the helpful man; the guy that cleans; wants to make himself useful.

continued

@smugsurgeon

The last few months felt like a blur in time. Because Sylvie Brett was struggling; she was trying to compartmentalize it all; to tell herself she was okay. To tell herself it was normal to miss someone you loved. And man did she love Matt, he was the perfect guy. It had taken so long for her; to accept how she felt about him. For her to be okay with falling in love with him. And finally he had said it back; he loved her; and for a bit a few months we were on solid ground; on the same page. Until the shoe dropped he wanted to move to Orgen, he wanted to be there for two kids that lost a fallen dad years ago and who had to witness their mother going into jail; it was a hard pill to swallow. I knew Matt; his mind was made up, the other thing he was unsure of was me. I had done the whole following a guy before and it never ended well in my experience. 

As much as I loved Matt I refused to be the one to give up my life, my apartment, my career for a relationship that wasn’t a sure thing. I convinced myself into believing long distance could work. I convinced myself that I was okay. I pretended by putting on a poker face with my friends; but the reality was, I was not remotely okay. I missed him. I missed waking up next to him; I missed hearing his voice, the list went on and one. I felt like my life was consumed based on when i’d hear a call from him, or a message. I hadn’t been sleeping right which was the result of tonight. Why I like a patient get advantage of me, why I had let the patient run when I was hurt. I was a well qualified paramedic, i knew how to approach patients; especially when distraught. Yet I had froze, I had messed up. I cared so deeply, I had the passion to keep pretending to be okay. But tonight opened my eyes. I couldn’t keep living like this; I had to prioritize myself. I had to let go of a great love; we’d always have someday. Connor he was a good guy. We’ve talked in passing due to the patients we see; but tonight was the first time we talked; on a more personal level. 

He cared enough to drive me home; to not pry into my deeper thoughts. He cared enough to grab dinner, and keep me company. I was a patient for him; meaning if my arm had come off worse from the stitches it would fall on him. That’s the most logical explanation as to why he wanted to drive me home; ensure my safety. It was sweet; of course I heard the rumors of his tenacity with women. He was a player; but that wasn’t the vibe I got. I think he was misunderstood and he let the whispers occur. But I never judged a book on its cover; which was confirmed when he spoke the phrase to me. 

“ I don’t judge, based on what I see. You’re a good guy Connor. Someday a woman will see it. I am sorry about Robin and the hassle the hospital probably gives you on your lack of dating life.” A harmless joke towards the end. It was nice to laugh again. To find a reason to joke and smile. The circumstances could’ve been avoided; my lack in judgement tonight; but Connor was somehow bringing a light back to my face. 

Head tilted towards the window. I felt the slight ache in my arm; which is why my free hand had placed itself almost comforting over the bandaged wound. I just wanted to eat and rest, that’s why tonight looked like in my mind. I just hoped Connor didn’t mind sticking around for a few hours. Friends? It was a nice idea; to be able to turn towards someone who didn’t know Matt who might be on my side, why I felt torn with myself. A small hint of a smile creeped onto the corners of my lips. 

“ Friends, I’d like that. Assuming you don’t mind hearing about all my baggage, it might have you running for the hills.” A quip a joke well partly because where I was emotionally felt like baggage. Nearing the restaurant; for the chinese food; I had let my eyes drop closed briefly. 

Easy to joke; to tease of the idea of another dinner; eyes lifted again to narrow my light hues on the male driving. “ In other words next time we go out, I have to get injured to get the kind of food I want, noted.” A laugh emitted through bare lips.

[offeistyfire]

Sylvie Brett for the first time felt like a mess. She was incapable of handling the containers of strawberries in her own kitchen. She loved to bake, she loves losing herself in the kitchen. She felt like her hands were suddenly tied. She was struggling as her sling was tugged up against her chest. Her nimble fingers obviously starting to burn from each attempt of peeling the plastic container opened. And Connor he already was her savior last night. I felt like I was taking advantage of him. I felt like I couldn’t cook or touch anything without needing help.  I owed Connor a good breakfast, he stayed on my lumpy couch,  he woke up because of me. Sylvie didn’t know what the move was here. She wasn’t surprised that he was asking to aid her before she ended up slicing her other hand open. 

Defeat written on her features as she slid the container across the counter to him. “ fine, apparently I’m worthless this morning. Being injured sucks..” A slight whine on her part. The blonde wished she could cut her own strawberries. She wished she didn’t need to depend on Connor. But as her sling was stuck to her body, the only option was to rely on him. Stepping back lifting her head high she echoed out the words. “ In half works. I’m sorry I was supposed to be the one cooking, its a passion of mine too. But I guess I have to get used to being sidelined today. As for the knife, you just can’t stop yourself.”  An amused laugh escaped her lips. She knew the feeling the comfort you felt in your element, but in this case Connor was simply offering a helping hand for me. Turning my back to him, I was able to take the mixing bowl and add the batter for the waffles, as I added each needed ingredient, as I soon was able to use the mixer over the spoon to mix the batter together. 

Baking gave me closure; it made me feel happy, and I loved the idea of a home cooked breakfast. 

continued

@smugsurgeon

The last few months felt like a blur in time. Because Sylvie Brett was struggling; she was trying to compartmentalize it all; to tell herself she was okay. To tell herself it was normal to miss someone you loved. And man did she love Matt, he was the perfect guy. It had taken so long for her; to accept how she felt about him. For her to be okay with falling in love with him. And finally he had said it back; he loved her; and for a bit a few months we were on solid ground; on the same page. Until the shoe dropped he wanted to move to Orgen, he wanted to be there for two kids that lost a fallen dad years ago and who had to witness their mother going into jail; it was a hard pill to swallow. I knew Matt; his mind was made up, the other thing he was unsure of was me. I had done the whole following a guy before and it never ended well in my experience. 

As much as I loved Matt I refused to be the one to give up my life, my apartment, my career for a relationship that wasn’t a sure thing. I convinced myself into believing long distance could work. I convinced myself that I was okay. I pretended by putting on a poker face with my friends; but the reality was, I was not remotely okay. I missed him. I missed waking up next to him; I missed hearing his voice, the list went on and one. I felt like my life was consumed based on when i’d hear a call from him, or a message. I hadn’t been sleeping right which was the result of tonight. Why I like a patient get advantage of me, why I had let the patient run when I was hurt. I was a well qualified paramedic, i knew how to approach patients; especially when distraught. Yet I had froze, I had messed up. I cared so deeply, I had the passion to keep pretending to be okay. But tonight opened my eyes. I couldn’t keep living like this; I had to prioritize myself. I had to let go of a great love; we’d always have someday. Connor he was a good guy. We’ve talked in passing due to the patients we see; but tonight was the first time we talked; on a more personal level. 

He cared enough to drive me home; to not pry into my deeper thoughts. He cared enough to grab dinner, and keep me company. I was a patient for him; meaning if my arm had come off worse from the stitches it would fall on him. That’s the most logical explanation as to why he wanted to drive me home; ensure my safety. It was sweet; of course I heard the rumors of his tenacity with women. He was a player; but that wasn’t the vibe I got. I think he was misunderstood and he let the whispers occur. But I never judged a book on its cover; which was confirmed when he spoke the phrase to me. 

“ I don’t judge, based on what I see. You’re a good guy Connor. Someday a woman will see it. I am sorry about Robin and the hassle the hospital probably gives you on your lack of dating life.” A harmless joke towards the end. It was nice to laugh again. To find a reason to joke and smile. The circumstances could’ve been avoided; my lack in judgement tonight; but Connor was somehow bringing a light back to my face. 

Head tilted towards the window. I felt the slight ache in my arm; which is why my free hand had placed itself almost comforting over the bandaged wound. I just wanted to eat and rest, that’s why tonight looked like in my mind. I just hoped Connor didn’t mind sticking around for a few hours. Friends? It was a nice idea; to be able to turn towards someone who didn’t know Matt who might be on my side, why I felt torn with myself. A small hint of a smile creeped onto the corners of my lips. 

“ Friends, I’d like that. Assuming you don’t mind hearing about all my baggage, it might have you running for the hills.” A quip a joke well partly because where I was emotionally felt like baggage. Nearing the restaurant; for the chinese food; I had let my eyes drop closed briefly. 

Easy to joke; to tease of the idea of another dinner; eyes lifted again to narrow my light hues on the male driving. “ In other words next time we go out, I have to get injured to get the kind of food I want, noted.” A laugh emitted through bare lips.

[offeistyfire]

Sylvie had always been a early riser. It was no surprise that she had woken up stiff on the couch. Considering the lack of comfort level, from her injured arm and the way her head was positioned although it was comfy to be leaning on Connor. But she was surprised she managed to sleep at all. Since being left alone, since she’s been spending most of her nights in bed tossing and turning. She was surprised more co-workers didn’t comment how she looked like death. But it was Violet and Stella which meant both were too nice; and probably pitied how out of it I was. How worked up and bothered I was over Matt’s departure. But today I felt okay, sore obviously from the injury at hand, but I was standing, I wasn’t wobbly, and I was surviving. 

The blonde stood at the edge of the counter, as she pulled out the container of strawberries, that looked as if they’d melt in your mouth. As I had turned to reach for the waffle machine, under the cabinets, I knew it was heavy. I had pride, I knew I wanted to feel like I was capable of cooking on my own. I didn’t want to be the girl who needed help. But I knew I had to let go of my pride sooner or later. Pausing at the sink as she faced him, that charming grin of his, his condition. I stood in debate with myself for a minute before I had leaned down to pull open the cabinet door where the waffle machine was. “ If you insist, I could use help with the heavy lifting..” I added with a joyful laugh. As I moved to the strawberries, and I flipped the sink water on, As I fought with the edges to open the container. Man I was struggling hard; this whole one hand action not working. 

A frustrated sigh left my lips, as I turned to Connor. “ So that’s how you like to be handled Rhodes, a women in control, now I don’t think you know what you’re getting into. I can be hardcore, make it so you’d be running out the door..” I added as I waited for him, knowing my job would be bossing, Connor would have to handle the heavy lifting not that this man would mind. He stayed; he wasn’t tired of putting up with me yet. And I smiled truly; it was a welcoming joy; one I never saw coming.

continued

@smugsurgeon

The last few months felt like a blur in time. Because Sylvie Brett was struggling; she was trying to compartmentalize it all; to tell herself she was okay. To tell herself it was normal to miss someone you loved. And man did she love Matt, he was the perfect guy. It had taken so long for her; to accept how she felt about him. For her to be okay with falling in love with him. And finally he had said it back; he loved her; and for a bit a few months we were on solid ground; on the same page. Until the shoe dropped he wanted to move to Orgen, he wanted to be there for two kids that lost a fallen dad years ago and who had to witness their mother going into jail; it was a hard pill to swallow. I knew Matt; his mind was made up, the other thing he was unsure of was me. I had done the whole following a guy before and it never ended well in my experience. 

As much as I loved Matt I refused to be the one to give up my life, my apartment, my career for a relationship that wasn’t a sure thing. I convinced myself into believing long distance could work. I convinced myself that I was okay. I pretended by putting on a poker face with my friends; but the reality was, I was not remotely okay. I missed him. I missed waking up next to him; I missed hearing his voice, the list went on and one. I felt like my life was consumed based on when i’d hear a call from him, or a message. I hadn’t been sleeping right which was the result of tonight. Why I like a patient get advantage of me, why I had let the patient run when I was hurt. I was a well qualified paramedic, i knew how to approach patients; especially when distraught. Yet I had froze, I had messed up. I cared so deeply, I had the passion to keep pretending to be okay. But tonight opened my eyes. I couldn’t keep living like this; I had to prioritize myself. I had to let go of a great love; we’d always have someday. Connor he was a good guy. We’ve talked in passing due to the patients we see; but tonight was the first time we talked; on a more personal level. 

He cared enough to drive me home; to not pry into my deeper thoughts. He cared enough to grab dinner, and keep me company. I was a patient for him; meaning if my arm had come off worse from the stitches it would fall on him. That’s the most logical explanation as to why he wanted to drive me home; ensure my safety. It was sweet; of course I heard the rumors of his tenacity with women. He was a player; but that wasn’t the vibe I got. I think he was misunderstood and he let the whispers occur. But I never judged a book on its cover; which was confirmed when he spoke the phrase to me. 

“ I don’t judge, based on what I see. You’re a good guy Connor. Someday a woman will see it. I am sorry about Robin and the hassle the hospital probably gives you on your lack of dating life.” A harmless joke towards the end. It was nice to laugh again. To find a reason to joke and smile. The circumstances could’ve been avoided; my lack in judgement tonight; but Connor was somehow bringing a light back to my face. 

Head tilted towards the window. I felt the slight ache in my arm; which is why my free hand had placed itself almost comforting over the bandaged wound. I just wanted to eat and rest, that’s why tonight looked like in my mind. I just hoped Connor didn’t mind sticking around for a few hours. Friends? It was a nice idea; to be able to turn towards someone who didn’t know Matt who might be on my side, why I felt torn with myself. A small hint of a smile creeped onto the corners of my lips. 

“ Friends, I’d like that. Assuming you don’t mind hearing about all my baggage, it might have you running for the hills.” A quip a joke well partly because where I was emotionally felt like baggage. Nearing the restaurant; for the chinese food; I had let my eyes drop closed briefly. 

Easy to joke; to tease of the idea of another dinner; eyes lifted again to narrow my light hues on the male driving. “ In other words next time we go out, I have to get injured to get the kind of food I want, noted.” A laugh emitted through bare lips.

[offeistyfire]

Last night felt blurry in my mind. Sylvie Brett normally remembered every sentence she spoke; remembered how events unfolded. But last night letting a patient get the upper hand on me. Resulting in my now injured arm. Resulting in the blonde feeling lost and confused. How Sylvie has been going since Matt left suddenly felt impossible. It felt like I was dragging my feet through the days. I was exhausted, I was barely eating, I wasn’t taking care of myself. And why? Because the man I felt was my end left, because I had my own pride and stood ground deciding to stay in Chicago? Sylvie made this bed; and as the images of the night before raced through her head. 

Injury, Connor, seeing me at my pathetic lowest. He stayed to tend to said injury. Not only staying to tend to a paramedic he also drove me off. Watched me make a idiot of myself; I asked him about his lines on women. Why? Because I was delusional obviously. Because I thought figuring out Connor and his lack of relationships romance was going to solve my own issues? She vague recalled her comment on his smile, and how he teased her about liking his smile. She felt clammy, she felt like she froze in that moment not quite giving an answer because she did think he was sweet, his smile was genuine and nice to look at. But Sylvie wasn’t hitting on him; she felt humiliated as she stood within her kitchen. As she held her half drank glass of water. She listened and heard his voice. Of course his first instinct was to ask if she was feeling okay. 

I also got the sense that even if Connor felt I had embarrassed myself last night with our conversation or how deranged I was for being hung up on Matt Casey he was too classy of a guy to say it; he’ll brush it under the rug. As I wore a smile of my own, feeling out of place in my own kitchen, this was the first time I’ve had a man in my kitchen in the early house since Matt.. and it felt weird for me. Even if all this was; was friendship on both our parts. Cupping my hands around the glass of water. 

“ I’m okay, sore but that’s to be expected given the injury, I hope I didn’t wake you.” I added in the selfless tone I used, a sense of guilt reeling off of the blonde. “ As for breakfast I will cook for you, you’ve done enough for me Connor, and I’ve definitely imposed on your company, let me make you waffles, I have some strawberries as well.” A simple breakfast; and given my one arm injury something told me I’d have to seek aid in the cooking despite my own pride.

continued

@smugsurgeon

The last few months felt like a blur in time. Because Sylvie Brett was struggling; she was trying to compartmentalize it all; to tell herself she was okay. To tell herself it was normal to miss someone you loved. And man did she love Matt, he was the perfect guy. It had taken so long for her; to accept how she felt about him. For her to be okay with falling in love with him. And finally he had said it back; he loved her; and for a bit a few months we were on solid ground; on the same page. Until the shoe dropped he wanted to move to Orgen, he wanted to be there for two kids that lost a fallen dad years ago and who had to witness their mother going into jail; it was a hard pill to swallow. I knew Matt; his mind was made up, the other thing he was unsure of was me. I had done the whole following a guy before and it never ended well in my experience. 

As much as I loved Matt I refused to be the one to give up my life, my apartment, my career for a relationship that wasn’t a sure thing. I convinced myself into believing long distance could work. I convinced myself that I was okay. I pretended by putting on a poker face with my friends; but the reality was, I was not remotely okay. I missed him. I missed waking up next to him; I missed hearing his voice, the list went on and one. I felt like my life was consumed based on when i’d hear a call from him, or a message. I hadn’t been sleeping right which was the result of tonight. Why I like a patient get advantage of me, why I had let the patient run when I was hurt. I was a well qualified paramedic, i knew how to approach patients; especially when distraught. Yet I had froze, I had messed up. I cared so deeply, I had the passion to keep pretending to be okay. But tonight opened my eyes. I couldn’t keep living like this; I had to prioritize myself. I had to let go of a great love; we’d always have someday. Connor he was a good guy. We’ve talked in passing due to the patients we see; but tonight was the first time we talked; on a more personal level. 

He cared enough to drive me home; to not pry into my deeper thoughts. He cared enough to grab dinner, and keep me company. I was a patient for him; meaning if my arm had come off worse from the stitches it would fall on him. That’s the most logical explanation as to why he wanted to drive me home; ensure my safety. It was sweet; of course I heard the rumors of his tenacity with women. He was a player; but that wasn’t the vibe I got. I think he was misunderstood and he let the whispers occur. But I never judged a book on its cover; which was confirmed when he spoke the phrase to me. 

“ I don’t judge, based on what I see. You’re a good guy Connor. Someday a woman will see it. I am sorry about Robin and the hassle the hospital probably gives you on your lack of dating life.” A harmless joke towards the end. It was nice to laugh again. To find a reason to joke and smile. The circumstances could’ve been avoided; my lack in judgement tonight; but Connor was somehow bringing a light back to my face. 

Head tilted towards the window. I felt the slight ache in my arm; which is why my free hand had placed itself almost comforting over the bandaged wound. I just wanted to eat and rest, that’s why tonight looked like in my mind. I just hoped Connor didn’t mind sticking around for a few hours. Friends? It was a nice idea; to be able to turn towards someone who didn’t know Matt who might be on my side, why I felt torn with myself. A small hint of a smile creeped onto the corners of my lips. 

“ Friends, I’d like that. Assuming you don’t mind hearing about all my baggage, it might have you running for the hills.” A quip a joke well partly because where I was emotionally felt like baggage. Nearing the restaurant; for the chinese food; I had let my eyes drop closed briefly. 

Easy to joke; to tease of the idea of another dinner; eyes lifted again to narrow my light hues on the male driving. “ In other words next time we go out, I have to get injured to get the kind of food I want, noted.” A laugh emitted through bare lips.

[offeistyfire]

Sylvie just kept talking it seemed. Now Violet would tell me in this instinct that I was a chatter box, that I tended to let my emotions cloud my own judgment. And then Stella would tell me it was okay, because we all know how when Severide comes to view she never makes the right choices. But Sylvie wasn't drinking, she was tried exhausted enough to where she was probably talking nonsense, Opening up about her ex engagement; the reason why she came to Chicago and found a home at the firehouse. She barely knew Connor; he was a stranger; besides the fact we were first responders. But Sylvie had no idea what she expected from this topic, what he’d say? Was he pitying her? Was he going to be insightful? He carried his own torch for an ex, an ex he was forced to let go. 

It felt impossible to make the right move, to decide what I wanted. The blonde loved so easily, hard and when that love disappeared it felt unbearable like it was suffocating her. But what came next from his mouth she never saw coming? Was he hinting on her? Was he making a line to her? Now she had to hide that smile from appearing because it was flattering. It was nice to hear how great she was. But it was Connor a friend? A stranger that she just bared her soul to? She was nearly mortified now as she forced her eyes to peer up at him. “ That’s the look, that smile of yours, that line to get a girl to fal for you huh?” I asked probably sounding nuts. But Connor was a catch. He was handsome beyond wonder, he was smart, funny, how did Robin let him go. And if I wasn’t still with Matt, perhaps I would’ve quite literally fallen into his arms. But I was torn with myself. I loved Matt, but the long distance was taking a toll. The toll of love, of longing that left me ruining my future. And I did listen to what the male had to say. What did I want? I had dreamed of Matt for so long; I had wondered what it would feel like to be with him; to love him. And it was blissful for a bit; but now he was away in Oregon and I didn’t blame him, but I had my own guns I had to stick with. I never wanted to be the girl to follow a man again. I couldn’t I built a life here in Chicago, friends, a family. I couldn’t leave it, and now I felt like I was the failure. As Connor spoke, I had no idea what to say render me speechless. As I nestled my head into his shoulder. My plate now forgotten as I settled in as the movie played. The blonde barely remembered closing her eyes and falling asleep. How long was she out? When her eyes opened the living room was dark; she had forced her good arm up to show the time. It was 7am, and she groaned in pain as the stitches of her arm were in pain. She glanced up and smiled noting the male was asleep his head nestled against the back of the couch. And she smiled it was sweet; the tough man that was Connor he looked peaceful even now. 

With a small movement Sylvie had made her way up onto her feet and made her way across the room to the kitchen where she poured herself a glass of water, and brought it to her lips. She needed water to think clearly, what the hell was she doing anymore? Was it her feeling lost?

continued

@smugsurgeon

The last few months felt like a blur in time. Because Sylvie Brett was struggling; she was trying to compartmentalize it all; to tell herself she was okay. To tell herself it was normal to miss someone you loved. And man did she love Matt, he was the perfect guy. It had taken so long for her; to accept how she felt about him. For her to be okay with falling in love with him. And finally he had said it back; he loved her; and for a bit a few months we were on solid ground; on the same page. Until the shoe dropped he wanted to move to Orgen, he wanted to be there for two kids that lost a fallen dad years ago and who had to witness their mother going into jail; it was a hard pill to swallow. I knew Matt; his mind was made up, the other thing he was unsure of was me. I had done the whole following a guy before and it never ended well in my experience. 

As much as I loved Matt I refused to be the one to give up my life, my apartment, my career for a relationship that wasn’t a sure thing. I convinced myself into believing long distance could work. I convinced myself that I was okay. I pretended by putting on a poker face with my friends; but the reality was, I was not remotely okay. I missed him. I missed waking up next to him; I missed hearing his voice, the list went on and one. I felt like my life was consumed based on when i’d hear a call from him, or a message. I hadn’t been sleeping right which was the result of tonight. Why I like a patient get advantage of me, why I had let the patient run when I was hurt. I was a well qualified paramedic, i knew how to approach patients; especially when distraught. Yet I had froze, I had messed up. I cared so deeply, I had the passion to keep pretending to be okay. But tonight opened my eyes. I couldn’t keep living like this; I had to prioritize myself. I had to let go of a great love; we’d always have someday. Connor he was a good guy. We’ve talked in passing due to the patients we see; but tonight was the first time we talked; on a more personal level. 

He cared enough to drive me home; to not pry into my deeper thoughts. He cared enough to grab dinner, and keep me company. I was a patient for him; meaning if my arm had come off worse from the stitches it would fall on him. That’s the most logical explanation as to why he wanted to drive me home; ensure my safety. It was sweet; of course I heard the rumors of his tenacity with women. He was a player; but that wasn’t the vibe I got. I think he was misunderstood and he let the whispers occur. But I never judged a book on its cover; which was confirmed when he spoke the phrase to me. 

“ I don’t judge, based on what I see. You’re a good guy Connor. Someday a woman will see it. I am sorry about Robin and the hassle the hospital probably gives you on your lack of dating life.” A harmless joke towards the end. It was nice to laugh again. To find a reason to joke and smile. The circumstances could’ve been avoided; my lack in judgement tonight; but Connor was somehow bringing a light back to my face. 

Head tilted towards the window. I felt the slight ache in my arm; which is why my free hand had placed itself almost comforting over the bandaged wound. I just wanted to eat and rest, that’s why tonight looked like in my mind. I just hoped Connor didn’t mind sticking around for a few hours. Friends? It was a nice idea; to be able to turn towards someone who didn’t know Matt who might be on my side, why I felt torn with myself. A small hint of a smile creeped onto the corners of my lips. 

“ Friends, I’d like that. Assuming you don’t mind hearing about all my baggage, it might have you running for the hills.” A quip a joke well partly because where I was emotionally felt like baggage. Nearing the restaurant; for the chinese food; I had let my eyes drop closed briefly. 

Easy to joke; to tease of the idea of another dinner; eyes lifted again to narrow my light hues on the male driving. “ In other words next time we go out, I have to get injured to get the kind of food I want, noted.” A laugh emitted through bare lips.

[offeistyfire]

Sylvie was a romantic at heart. She knew love was always in the cards. But she recalled being blinded never realizing how she felt about Matt and she felt like she wasted time in fear; of rejection. Of being a bad friend because of his history with her friend. The guilt at ate at her; Sylvie wasn’t a bad person, sometimes you can’t help who you fall for. And Connor he was handsome, he was nice on the eyes. If tonight was any indication he was a gentleman. Connor didn’t have to drive me home, he didn’t have to stay after hours at med to ensure I got the care I needed. He chose to help me, and even now. He could’ve dropped me off, dropped the food on the table and left. But instead he was making himself comfortable. Connor had those kind eyes you could get lost in. 

“ Sometimes relationship are just as bad as causal. I wish I could do casual maybe I wouldn’t be in this mess. Maybe it would’ve been easier to let Matt go. Or maybe I was wrong for not jumping to go with him. But I don’t want to rebrand my life for a guy. I did that and I got left right before my wedding. It’s why I moved to Chicago..” Now Sylvie was embarrassed was she mapping out her life story to a guy who only knew the blonde in passing. Yes apparently so.. She had to wish was able to sink into the couch. To disappear. Point was A long term relationship wasn’t all it was cracked up to me, especially when long distance. Causal may be simpler, so Connor may have a point this time around. All that to say I couldn’t blame Connor, and now he signed up for more than any surgeon had. Which was tending to a blonde who was wallowing in self pity. A I nestled in against the cushions, the blonde had brought her own food to her lips taking a bite. Probably to stop herself from talking. I had already made a fool of myself tonight.  A note taker, now I had arched my brows up in amusement as I glanced toward the male. “ With our track records, Perhaps we both should take notes.” Yes I was still technically with Matt; but I also felt us on edge, neither of us wanting to say the words; but it felt over; and I had to wonder why? Was it me? Was I not a good long distance girlfriend, effort and all it was taking its strain on me. As I clicked the play button the opening music started to play. My head rested on the edge of his shoulder not purposely it was simply a comfort position, each time I sat with another person on the couch. 

Connor was free to tell me to move, as echoed out the words. “ If you say so..” I added with a hint of a smile as the film started; for an hour lost in translation, lost in the muse of a fiction universe, not the turmoil that was my life.

continued

@smugsurgeon

The last few months felt like a blur in time. Because Sylvie Brett was struggling; she was trying to compartmentalize it all; to tell herself she was okay. To tell herself it was normal to miss someone you loved. And man did she love Matt, he was the perfect guy. It had taken so long for her; to accept how she felt about him. For her to be okay with falling in love with him. And finally he had said it back; he loved her; and for a bit a few months we were on solid ground; on the same page. Until the shoe dropped he wanted to move to Orgen, he wanted to be there for two kids that lost a fallen dad years ago and who had to witness their mother going into jail; it was a hard pill to swallow. I knew Matt; his mind was made up, the other thing he was unsure of was me. I had done the whole following a guy before and it never ended well in my experience. 

As much as I loved Matt I refused to be the one to give up my life, my apartment, my career for a relationship that wasn’t a sure thing. I convinced myself into believing long distance could work. I convinced myself that I was okay. I pretended by putting on a poker face with my friends; but the reality was, I was not remotely okay. I missed him. I missed waking up next to him; I missed hearing his voice, the list went on and one. I felt like my life was consumed based on when i’d hear a call from him, or a message. I hadn’t been sleeping right which was the result of tonight. Why I like a patient get advantage of me, why I had let the patient run when I was hurt. I was a well qualified paramedic, i knew how to approach patients; especially when distraught. Yet I had froze, I had messed up. I cared so deeply, I had the passion to keep pretending to be okay. But tonight opened my eyes. I couldn’t keep living like this; I had to prioritize myself. I had to let go of a great love; we’d always have someday. Connor he was a good guy. We’ve talked in passing due to the patients we see; but tonight was the first time we talked; on a more personal level. 

He cared enough to drive me home; to not pry into my deeper thoughts. He cared enough to grab dinner, and keep me company. I was a patient for him; meaning if my arm had come off worse from the stitches it would fall on him. That’s the most logical explanation as to why he wanted to drive me home; ensure my safety. It was sweet; of course I heard the rumors of his tenacity with women. He was a player; but that wasn’t the vibe I got. I think he was misunderstood and he let the whispers occur. But I never judged a book on its cover; which was confirmed when he spoke the phrase to me. 

“ I don’t judge, based on what I see. You’re a good guy Connor. Someday a woman will see it. I am sorry about Robin and the hassle the hospital probably gives you on your lack of dating life.” A harmless joke towards the end. It was nice to laugh again. To find a reason to joke and smile. The circumstances could’ve been avoided; my lack in judgement tonight; but Connor was somehow bringing a light back to my face. 

Head tilted towards the window. I felt the slight ache in my arm; which is why my free hand had placed itself almost comforting over the bandaged wound. I just wanted to eat and rest, that’s why tonight looked like in my mind. I just hoped Connor didn’t mind sticking around for a few hours. Friends? It was a nice idea; to be able to turn towards someone who didn’t know Matt who might be on my side, why I felt torn with myself. A small hint of a smile creeped onto the corners of my lips. 

“ Friends, I’d like that. Assuming you don’t mind hearing about all my baggage, it might have you running for the hills.” A quip a joke well partly because where I was emotionally felt like baggage. Nearing the restaurant; for the chinese food; I had let my eyes drop closed briefly. 

Easy to joke; to tease of the idea of another dinner; eyes lifted again to narrow my light hues on the male driving. “ In other words next time we go out, I have to get injured to get the kind of food I want, noted.” A laugh emitted through bare lips.

[offeistyfire]

Relationships were complicated, and difficult. Sylvie had to wonder how she was swallowing the disappointment, how she was managing when her relationship felt lifeless. She knew a time was going to come when she’d have to pull the plug. When she’d have to be the one to make the call stay or let his absence control her well being. Connor was a nice angel in the tunnel, and hearing his amusement on dating, on being stuck being single, she had to laugh to himself. He was a handsome guy, he was a sweet guy too, and he barely knew me and still wanted to ensure I got home safely, I had to brush off that convincing tone I wanted to give. Instead I kept it simple. “ You never know, you’ll meet the girl of your dreams when you aren’t looking. “ 

A sweet smile hit the corners of my lips as I tilted my head over to where the male was setting up our plates. Connor was a good guy; I knew of the rumors, and obviously our paths never quite matched given I only ever came to the hospital to drop a patient off it normally ended at the ER Bay and in most cases we only exchanged a brief hello and an update on the patient. But tonight I guess I was getting to know the doctor on a new note. It felt like we could both use a friend in our concerns. I appreciated his effort to take care of me, who did a stupid mistake, and now thankfully I was safe in my own apartment. 

Once the blonde was settled on her couch, her head leaned into her palm of her hand. She smelt the delicious food, it was making her mouth water. Her eyes scanning over the homescreen on netflix. Now her choices were endless. She was afraid of going the corny route which was her go to a rom-com but she didn’t want him to walk out; so she noticed a few horror films or action packed. Why did she care if he left? The thought rolled around in her head as she felt the slight shift on the couch promoting the female to sit fully up as she leaned towards the end table sitting in front of her. She took hold of her glass of coke and she brought it to her lips as she debated in her mind the right move. She wanted Connor to be around; but she also wanted to stay true to herself. The overthinker that Sylvie was; she let her lips part as she glanced to the male with a smile. “ Don’t regret telling me to pick, and you might very well walk out in an hour, but as you pointed out I am the one injuried here. So I will do with my rom-com of choice, but you have free range to walk out if its not your cup of tea.” 

The female aired before she clicked through her options on screen and found the sweet one of Falling IN Love, it was one of her favorites, and she clicked play. Before setting the remote down on the table and taking hold of her plate; using her fork to bring the food to her lips. A simple night; and rest was required; her arm was throbbing, as she adjusted the plate on her lab and used her good wrist to eat; if she ended up being a slop she doubted the male would be judging her.

continued

@smugsurgeon

The last few months felt like a blur in time. Because Sylvie Brett was struggling; she was trying to compartmentalize it all; to tell herself she was okay. To tell herself it was normal to miss someone you loved. And man did she love Matt, he was the perfect guy. It had taken so long for her; to accept how she felt about him. For her to be okay with falling in love with him. And finally he had said it back; he loved her; and for a bit a few months we were on solid ground; on the same page. Until the shoe dropped he wanted to move to Orgen, he wanted to be there for two kids that lost a fallen dad years ago and who had to witness their mother going into jail; it was a hard pill to swallow. I knew Matt; his mind was made up, the other thing he was unsure of was me. I had done the whole following a guy before and it never ended well in my experience. 

As much as I loved Matt I refused to be the one to give up my life, my apartment, my career for a relationship that wasn’t a sure thing. I convinced myself into believing long distance could work. I convinced myself that I was okay. I pretended by putting on a poker face with my friends; but the reality was, I was not remotely okay. I missed him. I missed waking up next to him; I missed hearing his voice, the list went on and one. I felt like my life was consumed based on when i’d hear a call from him, or a message. I hadn’t been sleeping right which was the result of tonight. Why I like a patient get advantage of me, why I had let the patient run when I was hurt. I was a well qualified paramedic, i knew how to approach patients; especially when distraught. Yet I had froze, I had messed up. I cared so deeply, I had the passion to keep pretending to be okay. But tonight opened my eyes. I couldn’t keep living like this; I had to prioritize myself. I had to let go of a great love; we’d always have someday. Connor he was a good guy. We’ve talked in passing due to the patients we see; but tonight was the first time we talked; on a more personal level. 

He cared enough to drive me home; to not pry into my deeper thoughts. He cared enough to grab dinner, and keep me company. I was a patient for him; meaning if my arm had come off worse from the stitches it would fall on him. That’s the most logical explanation as to why he wanted to drive me home; ensure my safety. It was sweet; of course I heard the rumors of his tenacity with women. He was a player; but that wasn’t the vibe I got. I think he was misunderstood and he let the whispers occur. But I never judged a book on its cover; which was confirmed when he spoke the phrase to me. 

“ I don’t judge, based on what I see. You’re a good guy Connor. Someday a woman will see it. I am sorry about Robin and the hassle the hospital probably gives you on your lack of dating life.” A harmless joke towards the end. It was nice to laugh again. To find a reason to joke and smile. The circumstances could’ve been avoided; my lack in judgement tonight; but Connor was somehow bringing a light back to my face. 

Head tilted towards the window. I felt the slight ache in my arm; which is why my free hand had placed itself almost comforting over the bandaged wound. I just wanted to eat and rest, that’s why tonight looked like in my mind. I just hoped Connor didn’t mind sticking around for a few hours. Friends? It was a nice idea; to be able to turn towards someone who didn’t know Matt who might be on my side, why I felt torn with myself. A small hint of a smile creeped onto the corners of my lips. 

“ Friends, I’d like that. Assuming you don’t mind hearing about all my baggage, it might have you running for the hills.” A quip a joke well partly because where I was emotionally felt like baggage. Nearing the restaurant; for the chinese food; I had let my eyes drop closed briefly. 

Easy to joke; to tease of the idea of another dinner; eyes lifted again to narrow my light hues on the male driving. “ In other words next time we go out, I have to get injured to get the kind of food I want, noted.” A laugh emitted through bare lips.

[offeistyfire]

Sylvie was never the one to be so straightforward. She was the type of girl to beat around the brushes in order to set out feelers. But Connor he was guy she barely knew; and yes he seemed to care about her. He seemed to want to aid her in her time of need. It was pathetic on my part; I was the girl was like a dismal in distress, the last type of girl I wanted to be. Sylvie had always been strong; she could handle her own. But when it came to Matt him being gone; his lack of calls of messages it made me fight the urge to come undone. I liked Connor he was nice; he wore a reputation of being the handsome guy; of the guy no one says no to. Which was only confirmed now as I rolled my eyes more so to myself than him. 

“ Okay sure.. And that’s why you’re alone..” I echoed out in a teasing remark. It was harmless on my end. The blonde thought it was almost laughable us two strangers now in my apartment. Now rustling through topics of conversation as of who could tease the other the most. It was nice to smile, to find a reason to laugh now. I had no issues nothing against connor, he was aiding to my messed up self. Which was a blessing for me. Considering I felt like a mess, the second I had let my head hit the armrest of the couch I felt the exhaustion hit me. I felt like I was exhausting myself; my ability to compartmentalize. I was trying to be okay, trying to for forget the pain of being forgotten. The female had heard his remarks as she tilted her head up to glance in his own direction. The smell of food filled my nose which of course perked me up. The blonde had called to the kitchen where the male stood. “ A coke, and of course, take whatever you want.” I had no idea where the ability to be vulnerable came from. No idea why my fridge was so stocked up I was living alone. I barely ate or drank as it was. I was again peeling away my own scars. The blonde had reached for the remote as she clicked away. She had reached the tab for the movies on hulu, a cute rom-com that might make her upset, or the action movies looked appealing to her. Once she felt the plate being dropped down on the table in front of her. The female had slowly pulled himself up into a sitting position. Where she was now legs in front of her; reaching forward taking the plate, the noddles in hand as she brought the craving taste to her lips. 

It was heavenly to eat, to taste food that didn’t make me sick, and Sylvie was the first to flick through the movies as her eyes ran over him; his back, a soft expression over her lips. “ What movie are you in the mood for?” She asked in that sweet tone of hers; friendships; its what we held onto. 

continued

@smugsurgeon

The last few months felt like a blur in time. Because Sylvie Brett was struggling; she was trying to compartmentalize it all; to tell herself she was okay. To tell herself it was normal to miss someone you loved. And man did she love Matt, he was the perfect guy. It had taken so long for her; to accept how she felt about him. For her to be okay with falling in love with him. And finally he had said it back; he loved her; and for a bit a few months we were on solid ground; on the same page. Until the shoe dropped he wanted to move to Orgen, he wanted to be there for two kids that lost a fallen dad years ago and who had to witness their mother going into jail; it was a hard pill to swallow. I knew Matt; his mind was made up, the other thing he was unsure of was me. I had done the whole following a guy before and it never ended well in my experience. 

As much as I loved Matt I refused to be the one to give up my life, my apartment, my career for a relationship that wasn’t a sure thing. I convinced myself into believing long distance could work. I convinced myself that I was okay. I pretended by putting on a poker face with my friends; but the reality was, I was not remotely okay. I missed him. I missed waking up next to him; I missed hearing his voice, the list went on and one. I felt like my life was consumed based on when i’d hear a call from him, or a message. I hadn’t been sleeping right which was the result of tonight. Why I like a patient get advantage of me, why I had let the patient run when I was hurt. I was a well qualified paramedic, i knew how to approach patients; especially when distraught. Yet I had froze, I had messed up. I cared so deeply, I had the passion to keep pretending to be okay. But tonight opened my eyes. I couldn’t keep living like this; I had to prioritize myself. I had to let go of a great love; we’d always have someday. Connor he was a good guy. We’ve talked in passing due to the patients we see; but tonight was the first time we talked; on a more personal level. 

He cared enough to drive me home; to not pry into my deeper thoughts. He cared enough to grab dinner, and keep me company. I was a patient for him; meaning if my arm had come off worse from the stitches it would fall on him. That’s the most logical explanation as to why he wanted to drive me home; ensure my safety. It was sweet; of course I heard the rumors of his tenacity with women. He was a player; but that wasn’t the vibe I got. I think he was misunderstood and he let the whispers occur. But I never judged a book on its cover; which was confirmed when he spoke the phrase to me. 

“ I don’t judge, based on what I see. You’re a good guy Connor. Someday a woman will see it. I am sorry about Robin and the hassle the hospital probably gives you on your lack of dating life.” A harmless joke towards the end. It was nice to laugh again. To find a reason to joke and smile. The circumstances could’ve been avoided; my lack in judgement tonight; but Connor was somehow bringing a light back to my face. 

Head tilted towards the window. I felt the slight ache in my arm; which is why my free hand had placed itself almost comforting over the bandaged wound. I just wanted to eat and rest, that’s why tonight looked like in my mind. I just hoped Connor didn’t mind sticking around for a few hours. Friends? It was a nice idea; to be able to turn towards someone who didn’t know Matt who might be on my side, why I felt torn with myself. A small hint of a smile creeped onto the corners of my lips. 

“ Friends, I’d like that. Assuming you don’t mind hearing about all my baggage, it might have you running for the hills.” A quip a joke well partly because where I was emotionally felt like baggage. Nearing the restaurant; for the chinese food; I had let my eyes drop closed briefly. 

Easy to joke; to tease of the idea of another dinner; eyes lifted again to narrow my light hues on the male driving. “ In other words next time we go out, I have to get injured to get the kind of food I want, noted.” A laugh emitted through bare lips.

[offeistyfire]

It was nice to not feel emotional, to not feel sadness for a night. Sylvie had been through a lot. She’s been lacking the tenacity to sleep, she’s barely eaten. She lost sight of the paramedic she was tonight. She was skilled trained to pick up on the signs of an attack, and at the time she was only focused on the patient; she wasn’t clear headed. She was sleepy, she was going through a emotional dilemma. Especially with her relationship; she couldn’t remember the last time she smiled; until tonight. Connor was one of the good guys. He was kind, he could be stubborn and a workaholic, but he always had good intentions, and I did feel we would make good friends. I had a hard time believing I was the first to utter the words. 

But I kept that notion to myself; I wore a smile when he entered the restaurant, and I knew I made a new friend. Someone who only knew the accident tonight; who was only aware of the whispers revolving my state. He didn’t know me or Matt personally; which meant I was in control how much I wanted to share with him. I rested my head gently against the window as I waited; and in a few short minutes I felt the seat next to me; and I smelt the food; chinese one of my favorites. The silence kept us going from the drive from the restaurant and to my apartment complex. It was nice, nothing was expected of me. I was able to rest; close my eyes briefly until I heard the car turn off. Connor was kind; he wanted to help. Did he care? Probably it was his job to ensure I got upstairs to my apartment safely, once I was taken care of he’d leave. They all leave; pretend to care and just leave you left to dry. All that to say; Sylvie was hurt by her boyfriend and was probably needing to rest it all. Slowly she stepped outside into the small breeze, and she nearly fell flat on her face. Dizzy in her head she blinked twice or more to find her vision again. And She felt his touch; a grateful smile tugged at the corners of his lips at his help. “Thank you.” She muttered as her hand found the comfort of his own. With ease she leaned into him; knowing it was the amount of blood loss tonight but also the lack of sleep she’s gotten since Matt left. And she could only blame herself. 

Arriving to her apartment door; the blonde had pulled her keys out; a small chain of keys. One for the apartment and one for the firehouse in case there was an emergency. She inserted the key and heard the click. Hearing his retorts about rest and eating, she held a slight smile; it was cute the protective side of Connor Rhodes a man she barely knew. “ Something tells me, you’re a hard guy to say no to.” She aired out with a laugh as she stepped inside. Flickering the lights on; her small apartment on display. Letting go of his arm; she had steadily walked to her couch where she plopped herself down, head hitting the armrest and her legs landed on the other side. 

Exhausted, yet she couldn’t find it inside of her to close her eyes.

continued

@smugsurgeon

The last few months felt like a blur in time. Because Sylvie Brett was struggling; she was trying to compartmentalize it all; to tell herself she was okay. To tell herself it was normal to miss someone you loved. And man did she love Matt, he was the perfect guy. It had taken so long for her; to accept how she felt about him. For her to be okay with falling in love with him. And finally he had said it back; he loved her; and for a bit a few months we were on solid ground; on the same page. Until the shoe dropped he wanted to move to Orgen, he wanted to be there for two kids that lost a fallen dad years ago and who had to witness their mother going into jail; it was a hard pill to swallow. I knew Matt; his mind was made up, the other thing he was unsure of was me. I had done the whole following a guy before and it never ended well in my experience. 

As much as I loved Matt I refused to be the one to give up my life, my apartment, my career for a relationship that wasn’t a sure thing. I convinced myself into believing long distance could work. I convinced myself that I was okay. I pretended by putting on a poker face with my friends; but the reality was, I was not remotely okay. I missed him. I missed waking up next to him; I missed hearing his voice, the list went on and one. I felt like my life was consumed based on when i’d hear a call from him, or a message. I hadn’t been sleeping right which was the result of tonight. Why I like a patient get advantage of me, why I had let the patient run when I was hurt. I was a well qualified paramedic, i knew how to approach patients; especially when distraught. Yet I had froze, I had messed up. I cared so deeply, I had the passion to keep pretending to be okay. But tonight opened my eyes. I couldn’t keep living like this; I had to prioritize myself. I had to let go of a great love; we’d always have someday. Connor he was a good guy. We’ve talked in passing due to the patients we see; but tonight was the first time we talked; on a more personal level. 

He cared enough to drive me home; to not pry into my deeper thoughts. He cared enough to grab dinner, and keep me company. I was a patient for him; meaning if my arm had come off worse from the stitches it would fall on him. That’s the most logical explanation as to why he wanted to drive me home; ensure my safety. It was sweet; of course I heard the rumors of his tenacity with women. He was a player; but that wasn’t the vibe I got. I think he was misunderstood and he let the whispers occur. But I never judged a book on its cover; which was confirmed when he spoke the phrase to me. 

“ I don’t judge, based on what I see. You’re a good guy Connor. Someday a woman will see it. I am sorry about Robin and the hassle the hospital probably gives you on your lack of dating life.” A harmless joke towards the end. It was nice to laugh again. To find a reason to joke and smile. The circumstances could’ve been avoided; my lack in judgement tonight; but Connor was somehow bringing a light back to my face. 

Head tilted towards the window. I felt the slight ache in my arm; which is why my free hand had placed itself almost comforting over the bandaged wound. I just wanted to eat and rest, that’s why tonight looked like in my mind. I just hoped Connor didn’t mind sticking around for a few hours. Friends? It was a nice idea; to be able to turn towards someone who didn’t know Matt who might be on my side, why I felt torn with myself. A small hint of a smile creeped onto the corners of my lips. 

“ Friends, I’d like that. Assuming you don’t mind hearing about all my baggage, it might have you running for the hills.” A quip a joke well partly because where I was emotionally felt like baggage. Nearing the restaurant; for the chinese food; I had let my eyes drop closed briefly. 

Easy to joke; to tease of the idea of another dinner; eyes lifted again to narrow my light hues on the male driving. “ In other words next time we go out, I have to get injured to get the kind of food I want, noted.” A laugh emitted through bare lips.

[offeistyfire]

Friends; it sounded nice; to be friends with someone who wasn’t looped into the drama, into the well knowledge of my now hiccup of a relationship with Matt. Sylvie knew the house meant well; everyone pitied her; they meant well with their intentions of being a shoulder, or urging her to talk through her feelings of abandonment, of being able to let all her feelings out. Truth was the blonde was exhausted of talking. Of being the girl who was glanced at from corners because her friends were worried about her. With Connor yeah; I could sense he was pitying me even if he tried not to say the words. It was about how his eyes lingered on me; it was how he phrased what he saw in me tonight. But it was different; Connor barely knew me. He wasn’t aware of the extended history of Matt and I. He only knew whispers the pieces that I’ve willingly shared with him. A hint of a smile lingered at the corners of my lips as I nodded knowing Connor only meant well; he only was trying to make me feel better. “ Thank you, for being here. For wanting to help ensure my safety, I think we’ll be good friends.” 

It was easy to fall into line. To be able to open yourself up to the idea of being vulnerable with someone who ultimately was a stranger. Truth was Sylvie hadn’t smiled unless it was fake, she hadn’t found the right reason to laugh since Matt’s been gone. He was her happiness; the man she wanted to build a life with. And now she felt the joy was crumbling beneath her. Connor he wasn’t asking; nor was he prying to know how she felt, which was appreciated. The blonde was exhausted of the stares; of the sympathetic expressions at each turn. Tonight; even if Connor was showing an ounce of pity towards her; she’d take a new friendship with him over feeling like she was walking on eggshells again. 

Take a chance; the words resonated with me; a chance of leaning on someone who cared. Sylvie hadn’t slept in days; she hadn’t eaten hints why her stomach was grumbling. Not that she wanted to draw attention to it. Nodding her head with a smile; she laid her head back against the leather cushion of the headrest. She barely recognized how long the male had been in the restaurant to pick up their food; all she heard was closing of doors; the comfort of having a body in the car next to her. Eyes kept fluttering open and closed with a lazy smile that laced over her lips. I had to laugh as I heard his teasing tone; I pulled my good shoulder into a shrug. “ Some people just have the smart idea to get to someone through food.” A causal tone edged to her voice as she felt the car moving once more. Giving the blonde the courage to close her eyes. She felt herself at ease, the heaviness of eyelids from the lack of sleep in days was tearing at her. She only knew to open her eyes when the car suddenly came to a stop. Shifting uncomfortably the female had peeled the seatbelt off her frame with one click.  A grateful expression when he lifted the door open. Eyes raised at his teasing. 

“ Aren’t you just the best knight and shining armor..” A tease edged into her voice. A short laugh as she stepped out onto the pavement. Eyes scanning the familiar building. The pain in her arm caused a slight unbalance of her feet causing her hand to reach for his awaited palm. “ I may need that help.” Palm found his lacing her fingers through his as she started forward her building; one she’d walked into alone a thousand times.

continued

@smugsurgeon

The last few months felt like a blur in time. Because Sylvie Brett was struggling; she was trying to compartmentalize it all; to tell herself she was okay. To tell herself it was normal to miss someone you loved. And man did she love Matt, he was the perfect guy. It had taken so long for her; to accept how she felt about him. For her to be okay with falling in love with him. And finally he had said it back; he loved her; and for a bit a few months we were on solid ground; on the same page. Until the shoe dropped he wanted to move to Orgen, he wanted to be there for two kids that lost a fallen dad years ago and who had to witness their mother going into jail; it was a hard pill to swallow. I knew Matt; his mind was made up, the other thing he was unsure of was me. I had done the whole following a guy before and it never ended well in my experience. 

As much as I loved Matt I refused to be the one to give up my life, my apartment, my career for a relationship that wasn’t a sure thing. I convinced myself into believing long distance could work. I convinced myself that I was okay. I pretended by putting on a poker face with my friends; but the reality was, I was not remotely okay. I missed him. I missed waking up next to him; I missed hearing his voice, the list went on and one. I felt like my life was consumed based on when i’d hear a call from him, or a message. I hadn’t been sleeping right which was the result of tonight. Why I like a patient get advantage of me, why I had let the patient run when I was hurt. I was a well qualified paramedic, i knew how to approach patients; especially when distraught. Yet I had froze, I had messed up. I cared so deeply, I had the passion to keep pretending to be okay. But tonight opened my eyes. I couldn’t keep living like this; I had to prioritize myself. I had to let go of a great love; we’d always have someday. Connor he was a good guy. We’ve talked in passing due to the patients we see; but tonight was the first time we talked; on a more personal level. 

He cared enough to drive me home; to not pry into my deeper thoughts. He cared enough to grab dinner, and keep me company. I was a patient for him; meaning if my arm had come off worse from the stitches it would fall on him. That’s the most logical explanation as to why he wanted to drive me home; ensure my safety. It was sweet; of course I heard the rumors of his tenacity with women. He was a player; but that wasn’t the vibe I got. I think he was misunderstood and he let the whispers occur. But I never judged a book on its cover; which was confirmed when he spoke the phrase to me. 

“ I don’t judge, based on what I see. You’re a good guy Connor. Someday a woman will see it. I am sorry about Robin and the hassle the hospital probably gives you on your lack of dating life.” A harmless joke towards the end. It was nice to laugh again. To find a reason to joke and smile. The circumstances could’ve been avoided; my lack in judgement tonight; but Connor was somehow bringing a light back to my face. 

Head tilted towards the window. I felt the slight ache in my arm; which is why my free hand had placed itself almost comforting over the bandaged wound. I just wanted to eat and rest, that’s why tonight looked like in my mind. I just hoped Connor didn’t mind sticking around for a few hours. Friends? It was a nice idea; to be able to turn towards someone who didn’t know Matt who might be on my side, why I felt torn with myself. A small hint of a smile creeped onto the corners of my lips. 

“ Friends, I’d like that. Assuming you don’t mind hearing about all my baggage, it might have you running for the hills.” A quip a joke well partly because where I was emotionally felt like baggage. Nearing the restaurant; for the chinese food; I had let my eyes drop closed briefly. 

Easy to joke; to tease of the idea of another dinner; eyes lifted again to narrow my light hues on the male driving. “ In other words next time we go out, I have to get injured to get the kind of food I want, noted.” A laugh emitted through bare lips.

[offeistyfire]

Offering to be friends; as a means of a peace offering to Connor wasn’t Sylvie assuming that the male would be remotely be interested in being friends in us hanging out becoming a more regular element of our days. Sylvie could admit it was nice to be near someone who didn’t know her history. We were strangers up to tonight. And honestly he seemed like he cared more about his friends than he cared to admit. Sylvie had a good heart; and she wanted someone like him in her life. He was understanding; didn’t judge her choices nor did Connor make fun of her and her relapse in judgement tonight. With her being reckless; unfocused. It caused a prepared paramedic to get injured. Did I think Connor was going to want to be friends with me? Yeah well I was assuming I was deemed a great ear to listen. 

Plus it wasn’t like I was vinying for his job; we weren’t be competing. After all our careers required the long hours. It required us to be on our A game, nor did we have to see each other constantly the ambo was always on a new call, and he was a doctor a healer on his own. We’d balance the other off. At his answer an almost instant smile occupied my features that was until he explained his reasoning. Why he had decided to drive me home. Did it sting a bit that he was obviously pitying me tonight? Yes. But ultimately i held onto the bit that screamed he cared enough to ensure I arrived home safely. 

“ You underestimate yourself. You’re selfless, from what I’ve seen you care about others a great listening especially to someone you barely know.” A dig at herself which made a laugh escape her own lips. It surprised her; because technically she was pitying herself. Her lame heartbreak that nearly caused her, her life; she was distracted; and she felt so messed up in her head. But right now; she appreciated him; enough to get take out and ensure she was safely home tonight. “ I think you kinda did pity me tonight, even if with good intentions. “ A slight staine of her smile dimmed as he exited the car. She pretended a poker face; as she watched him make his way through the swinging doors. 

A content expression as her eyes shifted shut. For a second all she heard was the soft tones of a music playing on the radio. Tonight felt wild to her. Unpredictable on her part. She was qualified she helped others; but she felt vulnerable wit her mistake tonight. But also lucky that Connor was willing to save her from herself; from her own humiliation tonight. She realized she’d be fighting herself from black and white; what felt right on paper wasn’t a reality. And now Sylvie was forced to pick up her own broken pieces. She barely registered the doors opening and closing until the smell of freshly made chinese food filled the air. Her mouth watered until she heard his voice, a calmness in her own messed up storm. 

“ Something tells me the sever probably hopes you’d do them a solid if they ever end up in the ED.” I uttered as eyes lazily opened to glance at him, amusement on my face. It was nice; to have unexpected friends; people who understood, never pointed out the flaws you kept close to your chest. Eyes fluttered shut again feeling the movement of the car; sleepy; a feeling she’s avoided for an unhealthy amount of days.

continued

@smugsurgeon

The last few months felt like a blur in time. Because Sylvie Brett was struggling; she was trying to compartmentalize it all; to tell herself she was okay. To tell herself it was normal to miss someone you loved. And man did she love Matt, he was the perfect guy. It had taken so long for her; to accept how she felt about him. For her to be okay with falling in love with him. And finally he had said it back; he loved her; and for a bit a few months we were on solid ground; on the same page. Until the shoe dropped he wanted to move to Orgen, he wanted to be there for two kids that lost a fallen dad years ago and who had to witness their mother going into jail; it was a hard pill to swallow. I knew Matt; his mind was made up, the other thing he was unsure of was me. I had done the whole following a guy before and it never ended well in my experience. 

As much as I loved Matt I refused to be the one to give up my life, my apartment, my career for a relationship that wasn’t a sure thing. I convinced myself into believing long distance could work. I convinced myself that I was okay. I pretended by putting on a poker face with my friends; but the reality was, I was not remotely okay. I missed him. I missed waking up next to him; I missed hearing his voice, the list went on and one. I felt like my life was consumed based on when i’d hear a call from him, or a message. I hadn’t been sleeping right which was the result of tonight. Why I like a patient get advantage of me, why I had let the patient run when I was hurt. I was a well qualified paramedic, i knew how to approach patients; especially when distraught. Yet I had froze, I had messed up. I cared so deeply, I had the passion to keep pretending to be okay. But tonight opened my eyes. I couldn’t keep living like this; I had to prioritize myself. I had to let go of a great love; we’d always have someday. Connor he was a good guy. We’ve talked in passing due to the patients we see; but tonight was the first time we talked; on a more personal level. 

He cared enough to drive me home; to not pry into my deeper thoughts. He cared enough to grab dinner, and keep me company. I was a patient for him; meaning if my arm had come off worse from the stitches it would fall on him. That’s the most logical explanation as to why he wanted to drive me home; ensure my safety. It was sweet; of course I heard the rumors of his tenacity with women. He was a player; but that wasn’t the vibe I got. I think he was misunderstood and he let the whispers occur. But I never judged a book on its cover; which was confirmed when he spoke the phrase to me. 

“ I don’t judge, based on what I see. You’re a good guy Connor. Someday a woman will see it. I am sorry about Robin and the hassle the hospital probably gives you on your lack of dating life.” A harmless joke towards the end. It was nice to laugh again. To find a reason to joke and smile. The circumstances could’ve been avoided; my lack in judgement tonight; but Connor was somehow bringing a light back to my face. 

Head tilted towards the window. I felt the slight ache in my arm; which is why my free hand had placed itself almost comforting over the bandaged wound. I just wanted to eat and rest, that’s why tonight looked like in my mind. I just hoped Connor didn’t mind sticking around for a few hours. Friends? It was a nice idea; to be able to turn towards someone who didn’t know Matt who might be on my side, why I felt torn with myself. A small hint of a smile creeped onto the corners of my lips. 

“ Friends, I’d like that. Assuming you don’t mind hearing about all my baggage, it might have you running for the hills.” A quip a joke well partly because where I was emotionally felt like baggage. Nearing the restaurant; for the chinese food; I had let my eyes drop closed briefly. 

Easy to joke; to tease of the idea of another dinner; eyes lifted again to narrow my light hues on the male driving. “ In other words next time we go out, I have to get injured to get the kind of food I want, noted.” A laugh emitted through bare lips.

[offeistyfire]

Maybe it was the good heart I had, or the semimental part of me. But I felt for Connor it wasn’t easy having eyes on you at all times. To be judged based on what people assumed about you. Sylvie never wanted to judge a book by its cover. She barely knew Connor besides the small interaction we had in passing. Tonight was refreshing I could’ve done without the embarrassing injury but it was nice to talk to someone who didn’t personally know me. Or the participant I found myself in. I was in the trenches, I felt like I had lost the light in myself since he left. Connor he was a friendly face; he was trying to ensure I got home safely that I was okay. 

I knew what the doctors thought about Connor when you look at him. He’s handsome, like beyond handsome he’s got to be a player. And for a second maybe I was a fool for believing the whispers but after being in a car with Connor Rhodes I saw him. I saw the depth he had; the hurt that washed over his face when he forced himself to talk about Robin the one women he truly love. Knowing what it was like to lose someone you loved, that you pictured a future with and it just fell through right through your fingertips. I understand. I wore a sympathetic expression on bare lips as he spoke. “ I’m not like everyone else.” And I wasn’t. I didn’t judge, I didn’t want to push Connor into being vulnerable with me. 

I was a stranger; we were two lonely souls who needed the comfort; of knowing someone was capable of listening. Our fears of not being enough. Our fears of doubting ourselves. Sylvie knew if she wanted all she had to do was quit her job and hop on a place and she could be in the arms of a man she loved. But she’d done the whole following a guy before and in the end it didn’t work out. Sylvie told herself if Matt and her were meant to be we’d find our way. As Connor just aired out; Matt is an idiot if he lets me go. I had to smile between the sadness of it all. “ Thanks.” I muttered and I didn’t have the heart to add more to it. Matt; I missed him; I felt lonely. I had lost the reason to sleep in my bed; I saw memories of him through the apartment. But I also knew I was lucky to be loved by him. Tonight was nice; to laugh; to smile again. The male was care; I saw it in the way he looked at me with car; and the way his hand touched my arm just to ensure I was okay. I listened; it was kinda sad that Connor worked along side his co-workers day and night but he couldn’t find the words the touchy nature to refer to anyone as his friend. People pass by for a reason others come in and out of your life and leave suddenly. Others that care about you; that mean so much stick around in our misery. Sylvie had a heart of gold; and seeing as Connor was opening up a piece of himself with her; she wore that dazzling smile; the one as she used her injured hand to have her pinky touch the side of his palm. 

“ You’ve got a friend in me. I know we just met sort of, and there’s a chance you’re just hanging out with me tonight because you pity me and see how sad I am and feel bad I got stabbed tonight on the job. But I’m your friend as long as you want me to be.” It was corny I knew I had to shut my eyes in the embarrassment; but the blonde also felt comfort in knowing; she had someone in her corner. Of course her family was the fire house; Stella and Violet had her back. But they also knew her history with Matt; and it was hard to ask anyone to fully have closure; or the idea on what felt right anymore. Hearing connor lift himself from the car; she watched as he ran inside. The growling in her stomach was heard; thank god he left the car. Chinese food; man; it feel like days since I ate; and now all I wanted was to eat a whole meal.

continued

@smugsurgeon

The last few months felt like a blur in time. Because Sylvie Brett was struggling; she was trying to compartmentalize it all; to tell herself she was okay. To tell herself it was normal to miss someone you loved. And man did she love Matt, he was the perfect guy. It had taken so long for her; to accept how she felt about him. For her to be okay with falling in love with him. And finally he had said it back; he loved her; and for a bit a few months we were on solid ground; on the same page. Until the shoe dropped he wanted to move to Orgen, he wanted to be there for two kids that lost a fallen dad years ago and who had to witness their mother going into jail; it was a hard pill to swallow. I knew Matt; his mind was made up, the other thing he was unsure of was me. I had done the whole following a guy before and it never ended well in my experience. 

As much as I loved Matt I refused to be the one to give up my life, my apartment, my career for a relationship that wasn’t a sure thing. I convinced myself into believing long distance could work. I convinced myself that I was okay. I pretended by putting on a poker face with my friends; but the reality was, I was not remotely okay. I missed him. I missed waking up next to him; I missed hearing his voice, the list went on and one. I felt like my life was consumed based on when i’d hear a call from him, or a message. I hadn’t been sleeping right which was the result of tonight. Why I like a patient get advantage of me, why I had let the patient run when I was hurt. I was a well qualified paramedic, i knew how to approach patients; especially when distraught. Yet I had froze, I had messed up. I cared so deeply, I had the passion to keep pretending to be okay. But tonight opened my eyes. I couldn’t keep living like this; I had to prioritize myself. I had to let go of a great love; we’d always have someday. Connor he was a good guy. We’ve talked in passing due to the patients we see; but tonight was the first time we talked; on a more personal level. 

He cared enough to drive me home; to not pry into my deeper thoughts. He cared enough to grab dinner, and keep me company. I was a patient for him; meaning if my arm had come off worse from the stitches it would fall on him. That’s the most logical explanation as to why he wanted to drive me home; ensure my safety. It was sweet; of course I heard the rumors of his tenacity with women. He was a player; but that wasn’t the vibe I got. I think he was misunderstood and he let the whispers occur. But I never judged a book on its cover; which was confirmed when he spoke the phrase to me. 

“ I don’t judge, based on what I see. You’re a good guy Connor. Someday a woman will see it. I am sorry about Robin and the hassle the hospital probably gives you on your lack of dating life.” A harmless joke towards the end. It was nice to laugh again. To find a reason to joke and smile. The circumstances could’ve been avoided; my lack in judgement tonight; but Connor was somehow bringing a light back to my face. 

Head tilted towards the window. I felt the slight ache in my arm; which is why my free hand had placed itself almost comforting over the bandaged wound. I just wanted to eat and rest, that’s why tonight looked like in my mind. I just hoped Connor didn’t mind sticking around for a few hours. Friends? It was a nice idea; to be able to turn towards someone who didn’t know Matt who might be on my side, why I felt torn with myself. A small hint of a smile creeped onto the corners of my lips. 

“ Friends, I’d like that. Assuming you don’t mind hearing about all my baggage, it might have you running for the hills.” A quip a joke well partly because where I was emotionally felt like baggage. Nearing the restaurant; for the chinese food; I had let my eyes drop closed briefly. 

Easy to joke; to tease of the idea of another dinner; eyes lifted again to narrow my light hues on the male driving. “ In other words next time we go out, I have to get injured to get the kind of food I want, noted.” A laugh emitted through bare lips.

[offeistyfire]

Sylvie understood the long hours. When you’re working long shifts, hopping into ambos every hour some calls taking longer than expected. It was hard to say a time for a date or a day. With our devoted careers sometimes it was easier to play the field. Now for the blonde it was never her thing. When she liked someone, when she enjoyed spending time with one person she’d say it. Yes she was hesitate when it came to Matt and she wanted to push being in love down but not because she was ashamed of loving him. It was due to her he used to be married to; her best friend. She felt guilty in a sense, point was being a one night stand, being the girl that does casual wasn’t in her blood. But Connor she’d heard bits and pieces of his love life in the few times she was hanging out at the med hospital. Not that it was her business because it wasn’t by a long short. 

Her embarking on his love life now was merely out of small teasing; especially he was going to dish out advice on her long past love now. Besides it made her feel not as screwed up. She was hanging on by a thread over her relationship; which was missed phone calls, and exchanged messages. She forgot what it felt like to laugh again, to not feel the prying eyes on her willing her to break. To crumble. With Connor it felt simple he knew nothing about me, and I knew nothing about him. It was like getting to know someone for the first time. Even if I was poking the bear now with my questions regarding Robin. A hint of a smile rested upon bare lips as eyes scanned over his figures. Content, eyes on the road ahead as we inched closer to the chinese restaurant I could feel my mouth melting over as we speak. 

“ It’s her loss, from what I can tell you’re one of the good ones. I’m sorry things didn’t work out.” Truth he reminded her of Matt the loyalty, the desire to do the right thing, his mind of thinking. Maybe that’s why Sylvie was finding a friend in him. A friend she needed. No one that was going to judge her, that was willing her to break. Right now the blonde didn’t want to think of Matt; she had lost sleep, she had stopped eating regularly because of the pain of not seeing him, dwelling on the relationship she was on the brink of losing; it wasn’t healthy for her. And for a moment it was nice to forget, forget him, and all the struggling the long distance was causing her. 

“ Wait you’ve never had a friend before.” The debrief in her tone, amusement almost covered over her features. At the firehouse we were like family. We cheered each other on, we leaned on each other. Not just work partners we cared and saw each other as friends and family. Eyes nearly sparkled it was making forget the numbness in her arm, the pain radiating through her; she acknowledged what he said about the pain meds he was able to swing her; with a beaming nod and smile she was more so focused on the concept the surprise notion he’s never truly had a friend. The air felt amusing now as the car pulled up to the parking lot of the restaurant. The second he lifted the door open she got a sniff of the food, yummy, she thought to herself as a lazily answer came. “ Definitely get me some of that, and Sweet and Sour chicken is to die for. “ Pausing as a bubble of excitement came over her, “ Oh and egg rolls, I promise I will cover it if it’s too much.” I never realized how hungry I was until now, which I was sure Connor could tell with my mood change.

continued

@smugsurgeon

The last few months felt like a blur in time. Because Sylvie Brett was struggling; she was trying to compartmentalize it all; to tell herself she was okay. To tell herself it was normal to miss someone you loved. And man did she love Matt, he was the perfect guy. It had taken so long for her; to accept how she felt about him. For her to be okay with falling in love with him. And finally he had said it back; he loved her; and for a bit a few months we were on solid ground; on the same page. Until the shoe dropped he wanted to move to Orgen, he wanted to be there for two kids that lost a fallen dad years ago and who had to witness their mother going into jail; it was a hard pill to swallow. I knew Matt; his mind was made up, the other thing he was unsure of was me. I had done the whole following a guy before and it never ended well in my experience. 

As much as I loved Matt I refused to be the one to give up my life, my apartment, my career for a relationship that wasn’t a sure thing. I convinced myself into believing long distance could work. I convinced myself that I was okay. I pretended by putting on a poker face with my friends; but the reality was, I was not remotely okay. I missed him. I missed waking up next to him; I missed hearing his voice, the list went on and one. I felt like my life was consumed based on when i’d hear a call from him, or a message. I hadn’t been sleeping right which was the result of tonight. Why I like a patient get advantage of me, why I had let the patient run when I was hurt. I was a well qualified paramedic, i knew how to approach patients; especially when distraught. Yet I had froze, I had messed up. I cared so deeply, I had the passion to keep pretending to be okay. But tonight opened my eyes. I couldn’t keep living like this; I had to prioritize myself. I had to let go of a great love; we’d always have someday. Connor he was a good guy. We’ve talked in passing due to the patients we see; but tonight was the first time we talked; on a more personal level. 

He cared enough to drive me home; to not pry into my deeper thoughts. He cared enough to grab dinner, and keep me company. I was a patient for him; meaning if my arm had come off worse from the stitches it would fall on him. That’s the most logical explanation as to why he wanted to drive me home; ensure my safety. It was sweet; of course I heard the rumors of his tenacity with women. He was a player; but that wasn’t the vibe I got. I think he was misunderstood and he let the whispers occur. But I never judged a book on its cover; which was confirmed when he spoke the phrase to me. 

“ I don’t judge, based on what I see. You’re a good guy Connor. Someday a woman will see it. I am sorry about Robin and the hassle the hospital probably gives you on your lack of dating life.” A harmless joke towards the end. It was nice to laugh again. To find a reason to joke and smile. The circumstances could’ve been avoided; my lack in judgement tonight; but Connor was somehow bringing a light back to my face. 

Head tilted towards the window. I felt the slight ache in my arm; which is why my free hand had placed itself almost comforting over the bandaged wound. I just wanted to eat and rest, that’s why tonight looked like in my mind. I just hoped Connor didn’t mind sticking around for a few hours. Friends? It was a nice idea; to be able to turn towards someone who didn’t know Matt who might be on my side, why I felt torn with myself. A small hint of a smile creeped onto the corners of my lips. 

“ Friends, I’d like that. Assuming you don’t mind hearing about all my baggage, it might have you running for the hills.” A quip a joke well partly because where I was emotionally felt like baggage. Nearing the restaurant; for the chinese food; I had let my eyes drop closed briefly. 

Easy to joke; to tease of the idea of another dinner; eyes lifted again to narrow my light hues on the male driving. “ In other words next time we go out, I have to get injured to get the kind of food I want, noted.” A laugh emitted through bare lips.