official-maschinendeutsch - Tumblr blog

[official-maschinendeutsch]

A guy just came to my house while I was home alone to ask if I was single why are men like this

[official-maschinendeutsch]

I think the most damage this site has done to me is making me think "It's fucken wimdy" when it is, in fact, fucken wimdy outside.

[official-maschinendeutsch]

i think more puzzle games should have a hint system that doesnt outright ruin the puzzle for you. like something that just leads you in the right direction while still letting you figure it out for yourself

[official-maschinendeutsch]

union befürchtet “genderhopping” wenn ein selbstbestimmungsgesetz eingeführt wird lmao… me and the lads when self-determined gender is legalised:

[official-maschinendeutsch]

the unholy trinity of piss-poor caretakers, tag yourself:

tomboy, meaning “this child is clearly queer but let’s hope it goes away”

sensitive, meaning “clearly neurodivergent and often distressed but let’s keep going until they grow numb”

mature, meaning “traumatized but let’s ignore that”

[official-maschinendeutsch]

im only attracted to real people and i dont just mean cartoons and video game characters i also mean airbrushed carefully manicured and fabricated and curated hollywood personalities. they are just nothing to me. aesthetically flawless and utterly sexless

[official-maschinendeutsch]

im only attracted to real people and i dont just mean cartoons and video game characters i also mean airbrushed carefully manicured and fabricated and curated hollywood personalities. they are just nothing to me. aesthetically flawless and utterly sexless

[official-maschinendeutsch]

Oh, Essek, if you had known what life would throw at you...

[official-maschinendeutsch]

May 13, 2021 - Immigration cops tried to arrest two men in Glasgow, Scotland, on the day of Eid. A huge crowd of locals in the area of Pollokshields, chanting “these are our neighbours, let them go!”, turned up and boxed the police van in for seven hours, withstanding attempts by police to break through the crowd, until the cops were forced to let the two men go. [video]/[article]

[official-maschinendeutsch]

can’t wait to commission an oil portrait of myself but make it really fucked up and scary and then i’ll store it in some dusty back room of my manor house and deliberately set up dinner party guests to stumble across it and then when they’re gazing upon its wretched face i can dramatically step out of the shadows and chuckle villainously as i give some half-baked excuse as to why it’s like that and then i’ll usher them back to dinner and spend the rest of the evening dropping hints that add up to me being born sometime in the 1770s despite my obvious youth

[official-maschinendeutsch]

those poor excluded idiotic languages, missing out on all that laryngeal fun

((ig i should change my url to protoidiotic now……))

[official-maschinendeutsch]

[eine Textbox: “Männer”, darunter “Alles löschen”

Darunter eine Liste: 

Modisch

Klassisch

Böhmen

Jahrgang

Übertreibung

Punk

Büro/Karriere

Nette/Romantische

Ethnisch

Beiläufig/sportlich

Hiphop/Rock]

[official-maschinendeutsch]

[Screenshot eines Amazon-Produktes für falsche Wimpern. Die Beschreibung ist automatisiert ins Deutsche übersetzt und sagt: ] falschen Wimpern Terrier Kategorie: Kunststoff transparent terrier. Stil: Quer Stil. Farbe schwarz. Material: Kunstfaser. Machen Sie Ihre Augen hell und schön aussehen. einschließen: 1 x eine schachtel mit 5 zu installieren.] Endlich etwas, was ich als Quer installieren kann, um die Augen meines fünfjährigen Wimpernterriers hell und schön aussehen zu lassen..? 

[official-maschinendeutsch]

That's going too far.

Weird automated unit conversion.

Werbung: "Ich verlor 17kg/23t".

Advertisement in German: "I lost 17kg/23t".

23 Tonnen?!

[official-maschinendeutsch]

Amazon Abenteuer

[official-maschinendeutsch]

[Bild eines Bettes mit blauer Bettwäsche und die Beschreibung “HEISHUAILEI Gewaschener Baumwolle Four-Piece Satz Farbe Gitter ohne bedruckte Baumwolle Japanese-Day Darm weiße Bettwäsche aus Baumwolle Bettbezug, Laken Modelle, Saphirblau gewaschen Denim Blau, 1,8 m (6 Fuß) Bett” In den Produktinformationen steht: 4 PCE Bettwäsche set beinhaltet 1 Bettbezug, 1 Laken, 934 Kopfkissenbezug Keine Zusatzstoffe, 0 Formaldehyd, 0 aromatische Amine, 932 chemische Additive, Gesundheit und Sicherheit] Day Darm-Bettwäsche! Und es gibt genug Kopfkissenbezüge für meine hunderte Kopfkissen. Und 900+ chemische Additive - für Gesundheit und Sicherheit. 

[official-maschinendeutsch]

“Polnischer Stoff”

https://m.imgur.com/a/xYrIx