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uhh... guys?

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Me: Okay guys remember that it’s important in improv to establish your characters at the beginning of the scene.

Students: ok

Student 1: Hello. I am the president of the United States.

Student 2: Hello madame president. I’m William Shakespeare and I’m here to assassinate you.

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My manager was like. "I found the best video on YouTube" and I said "oh?" And he said it's called "one hour of silence periodically interrupted by the sound of a metal pole clanking" and proceeded to play it

Every time the pole clanks he spooks like a wild horse and keeps getting more and more frustrated

We are about 20 minutes in and he's like "god I can't wait for this to be over" refusing to turn it off

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If I was evil and went to visit someone's home for the first time and I know they have a cat, I would rub my wrists with catnip before leaving the house, so when I get there the cat smells the catnip and is all over me purring and rubbing on my hands and the owner is like "omg my kitty loves you! That's never happened with a stranger before!" and immediately trust me because they have no idea that I jammed their cat's evil detector on purpose.

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“don’t trace my art” cool “don’t steal my art” makes sense “don’t take inspo from my art” ????what the fuck are you talking about

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love when stories inflict unspeakable horrors onto a person for no real reason. its not karma. its not payback. its not a lesson. its not your fault. no ones even out to get you in particular. youre not the chosen one or special or anything. it just sorta happened and you were there. sorry man

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Just saw an ad for fucking Kellog's cornflakes wherein a shirtless blindfolded man tied to a bed is like "Wait.. are you... eating??" and it pans across the bed to reveal that his partner is, indeed, too distracted to have sex with him bc she is chowing down on corn flakes. Now I've been caught up in wondering whether:

a) John Harvey Kellog would despise this ad; the mere proximity of bondage-play to his brand name and beloved anti-porn flakes is unforgivable

b) John Harvey Kellog would enjoy this ad, because it shows a young woman forsaking the temptations of the flesh in favour of eating a wholesome and nourishing bowl of cornflakes

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Dog with Sausages, 1878

Artist: Wilhelm Trübner

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Dog

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Can’t wait for, like, 2025 when we look back on the 2018/2019 era and say “hey, remember when we were all really freaking depressed? That was a crazy time! Glad we aren’t like that anymore”

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reblog to give prev uhhhh a scritch behind the earrr

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“i’ll just get gas in the morning” no. that is the devil talking

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“coke is better!” “pepsi is better!” wrong. squirt supremacy.

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Things I Didn’t Think Would Be Hard To Write But ARE

Walking into a room

Transitioning between scenes without it feeling awkward

Two characters saying “I love you” without it being cringe

Describing a character’s face without using the word “eyes” 500 times

A battle scene that doesn’t feel like a turn-based RPG

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