ofphcenixes - Tumblr blog

[ofphcenixes]

veritas task 003 || the halloween costume.

with a red band outfit and a hat to match, blue hawthorne arrives to the halloween party decked out in his costume. with a spongebob face mask he can take on and off throughout the night, alongside the eponymous tune playing on his phone at random intervals, blue sports one of the most.... interesting costumes at the party.

[ofphcenixes]

holdenwoodz‌:

holden and blue’s friendship had been forged in grief. both of them running far away from the horrors of their own realities, stealing away little pleasures to show one another in the form of legos and skateboards snuck into hospital hallways. they were masters of distraction, of sweeping their maladies under the rug and coaxing smiles out of each other instead. it was all they had known… until real tragedy strikes. holden had only seen blue this miserable once in his life, the days in which the boy’s mother had been yanked out of his life by disease and death. the weeks in which the young boy’s whole life was packed away into a box, and every bright and innocent thing in his world was snuffed out with the last breath of his mother’s life. first there were tears, none of which holden knew how to quell. after all, they hadn’t known each other too well in those days, teetering on precipice of a deep friendship, but even still his mother had stuffed him into a pair of black dress pants and a button down, pity in her gaze as she carefully tied the silk tie around his neck. it was the first funeral he’d ever attended, finally understand the fragility of life. blue had worn a similar look of complete and utter hopelessness then, blue eyes void of that vigor for life he so often harbored. suddenly it was as though holden was staring into the face of the very same young boy, in a suit far too large for him, mourning the loss of something that could never be replaced. any anger, and hurt that lived on within holden had melted away into nothingness, watching the shaking breathes fall past blues lips as tears formed at his eyes.

there was no doubt a profound sadness dwelling within holden’s own core, a panicky meandering that made its presence known every time he drew in a breath, all too aware that it was possible that the missing students didn’t have the luxury of air in their lungs. but now was not the time for solo sorrow. heaving himself off the ground, holden allowed the blond to speak, staggered word, the shards of his broken heart embellishing his words as he spoke, a hand poised at holden’s chest to quite literally push him away. quietly, holden peeled the hand of off his chest, allowing it to fall back at blue’s sides, eyes searching the face of his best friend. “shut up, dude,” holden mumbled softly, reaching out to pull the other into his arms into an embrace. “i am with my family. you are my family, okay? you’re my brother, blue. so just… let me there for you. i’m not going to leave you, i promise. i’m here,” her reassured, a keeping the boy close as his own tears now threatened at his own eyes. “i’m sorry i made you feel like… like that changes between us, fuck– i, could never not be in your life. i’m always going to be here for you. no matter what, alright? especially now,” holden pledged, a hand reaching up to wipe at his eyes, arms still encircled around the only person who could understand the depth of his hurt, of his panic. “i love you. even when i’m upset with you i still do, so stop fucking… don’t ever imply what you just did, again,” he finally pulled away, hands still fussing at his eyes. he was unsure if his sadness was stemming from the anxieties he had about the abductions, the pain in his best friend’s heart, or the fact that he’d made blue believe that his life could ever be lead away from their friendship. unsure of what to do next, holden found himself shelving the bottle of vodka blue had previously clutched in his grip before turning his eyes back onto his teammate. “no more of that. it’s not… she wouldn’t want that, y’know? and you can bet your ass she’ll give you hell for it when he comes back, because she is going to be back. i promise, we’ll find her,” at this point holden was unsure if he was offering comfort to blue or to himself, blanketing best case scenarios over them as if maybe if he talked about it enough, they would be rendered infallible truths. “she’s gonna come back and things are gonna be different. i’ll be different.” he’d never been so helpless. usually skilled in to conjure up the cures to blue’s sadness, either via smile or a joint, sometimes more crafty ideas would have to be executed but he was ill-prepared for this. nothing would cure this. the only person that could, may never return.

the idea of superheroes always captivated a young blue. at the age of fourteen, it felt like it was only a matter of time before he got his exposure to radiation, a spider bite, the sage advice from a butler as he molded himself into his superhero form. he’d given more thought to his name and costume than he should have. and the idle of fantasy of him being able to save lives... it was the closest the blond had to innocence. and yet, he still imagined stains of blood, swelled knuckles, and a life led alone. ideations unfit for a fourteen year old. for a boy. for a child. 

ever since his mother had passed six months prior, blue spent as much time as he could away from his grandparents. they hated him, and blamed him for the downfall and death of his mother ( their daughter ). and so he found his new family, forged underneath the florescence of the hospital cafeteria. for a time, blue considered himself an honorary member of the woods family. it was fitting, after all. holden was his brother in all ways but blood. 

the two played in the yard, running amok. holden squealed and boomed, blue zipping in between obstacles they’d set out. they were playing superheros, and were saving the city from godzilla like monsters. by all accounts, they were doing a good job of it, too. that was, until a piercing shriek sounded out the backyard that didn’t belong to an imaginary citizen. blue couldn’t recall much; but he saw holden on the ground, the shards of a bottle scattered in the place he fell. he also saw red. too much red. 

blue didn’t even hesitate. the cape that draped across him, perhaps the only remnant of the toybox form his life before, was torn away from his neck. and with the adrenaline that coursed through him, blue tore it in half before falling to holden’s aid, wrapping the cloth around the wound. neither of them said anything, fixated on the flaw in holden’s flesh. holden grimaced in pain, before blue took his hand and brought him to his feet. “wow you weren’t kidding. you really are a superhero, hawthorne,” holden chuckled, albeit his voice was silted with pain. 

“you’re gonna save me one day, then we can call it even.” blue smiled softly, as blue looped his arm around holden’s waist, supporting his weight as he hopped along. it wasn’t long before holden’s mother appeared, and she sang blue’s praises as the three went immediately to the doctors. and it seemed holden never forget the vow they’d made. it just took seven years to cash out.

the best friends were in their kitchen, sorrow an ingredient as plentiful as flour. blue stared at holden, his eyes contoured his features, running along his jaw, sitting on his nose, before finally snaking their way into his eyes. that deep brown had been a place blue had resided for many years. it’s where he felt safe. for the longest time, it was the only place he felt loved. the blond couldn’t help but melt into the hug holden forced him into, the brunette’s arms becoming a life preserver that tethered blue to reality. to life. “i don’t deserve you,” blue choked, the alcohol fragrant on his breath, the arms that pushed holden away now cradled hopelessly at his chest, feeling the thrum of his heartbeat. the truth was, holden didn’t know what would become of libby. no one did. and there weren’t many people in this world who had the power to find the puzzle pieces that composed blue hawthorne and put him back together. but holden was one of the few, and he cradled each fragile piece in his arms as they threatened to spill out over the linoleum floor. so much was true, that the tears that permeated over blue’s eyes now cascaded down his face like a coursing river. his entire body was shaking, his sobbing uncontrollable. blue gripped onto holden’s shirt, finally embracing the man before him as his head fell to his shoulders. he grabbed onto holden for dear life, apologising with every breath as a steady stream of tears pooled between them. as he struggled to intake air, blue paused only for a moment to seek out those eyes again. his safe space. “I gotta... i gotta, tell you. holden. you’re my brother. i love you. i love you more than anything. i need you. i love you. but fuck, if you hate me that’s okay.... because the truth is. i love her. libby. i. i’m fucking in love with her. i love her. and i lost her. i lost you and now i lost her.”

and blue cried harder than he’d ever cried before. it was true that holden was going to save him, but  — there was only so much of blue left to save.

[ofphcenixes]

margocolby‌:

          blue hawthorne and margo colby. their names, strung out side-by-side like socks on a washing line, settled on stagnant air. of fucking course she’d be put with blue of all people. the reason they were here and libby wasn’t. a hand shot like a javelin into the air, words already spewing from her mouth over the torrent of names that continue to be grouped, two-by-two, a noah’s arc of clueless kids hunting for tracks, or bodies, whichever came first. “with all due respect, i refuse to participate if that means working with blue.” she could feel all eyes on her as the words left her mouth — most notably, blue’s — but though her objection cut the air it was brushed off with a simple wave of the party leader’s hand, margo reduced to rubble with a simple iteration of “i don’t have time for childishness.” childishness. the word felt like metal in her stomach. was it childish to want more for a friend who deserved the stars themselves and was instead given a bag of glow-in-the dark plastic planets? still, friend isn’t quite the right word, and perhaps the reason she hated him so was tinged not only with doubt but also jealousy.

         her hands thrust deeper in the pockets of her utility jacket if only for something to occupy them with. if they weren’t clasped around a hockey stick, the neck of a bottle or else balled into fists, she wasn’t sure how they should be. how many minutes had passed in utter silence? ten? twenty? it was impossible to tell, the crunch of bracken beneath their feet the only sign that time was moving at all. “feel like we’ve done this bit,” margo eventually uttered, severing the stony silence in two. “getting major déjà vu. like that bit in shrek when they just keep walking in circles.” finally, she lifted her head enough to meet his stare, all that coldness soaking back into her skin, lips pursed into a thin line. “does your phone have a compass?”    

blue knew all to much about margo colby. he’d heard his best friend’s voracious whispers in the dead of night, so adamant to their hatred yet it was only kindled by an affection the pair shared writhing between sheets. he’d seen the way she floated around libby, her eyes tracing her as though she was an atlas that begged to be read. he wasn’t deaf to the whispers that trickled through the corridors of the st etienne athletic department either  — margo was many things. a commendable athlete, blue had to concede that very fact. but that did not abate the unsettling feeling that anchored in his stomach as the coordinators of the search pinned the two together. the other’s perseverance in being with anyone other than blue could almost be considered admirable. he also shared in the intention of not wanting to spend an entire night together, as he could feel the razors polluting her iris anytime they grazed over blue’s form. he already felt his defenses rising, his teeth clenched. he didn’t fight the other’s motivations, but he couldn’t believe the infantile display. they both cared for libby. and yet, she was willing to argue semantics. did blue like her ? not in the slightest. but would he deal with it for libby’s sake ? always. 

not a word was uttered between them as they wordlessly fell into their quadrant of the search. margo held a map and blue a torch; their competitive natures at odds with one another as they both scanned the woods with each purposeful step. blue’s head whipped up at the sound of margo’s line. “what makes you think you have the right to mention our lord’s name in vein ?” the shrek joke, although off-coloured, was laced with a thorn of envy. did he feel threatened ? was his aggression misplaced in something tangible as opposed to the ethereal beyond that libby had been lost to ? or did he just really not like margo colby ? “of course my phone has a compass,” blue grumbled incoherently, before fishing out his phone from his pocket. the usually jovial blond felt flattened by the weight of the emotional burden he’d been carrying since the moment he learned the truth. a spin cycle of grief fermenting permanently in his mind, he couldn’t help but recognise those peels of disapproval in the face of the other. that is, when he could see it; when she wasn’t looking in any other direction. but as blue clamoured for his phone, the torch rolled from his hand before colliding with a rock, flickering as it fell. it died within quick succession. “oh fuck.” blue didn’t even look up, but he could perfectly imagine margo’s reaction  — painted with the shades of the forest that crept up around them. “go on, marg. i know you want to say something. oh blue, the fuck up. oh blue, how typical. oh blue, first you lost lib, and now the fucking light.” a twisted tirade of self deprecation spewed from blue’s mouth as he fell to his knees, hitting the torch with all his might in the hopes of eliciting power. before either of them could consider his words and let them settle in, blue’s flashlight illuminated the tufts of grass before him. and in among the grass, there was a flash of something shiny. 

a bullet. golden. cold. 

and perhaps the last thing that one of the four missing had seen. 

[ofphcenixes]

DEAR LIBBY [ self para 001 ].

trigger warnings: death, mentions of cancer, abduction, violence, pregnancy. 

there once was a boy named blue hawthorne. some say he was like a p h o e n i x ; although he suffers the lowest of lows, he always rises from the ashes for the fate that befalls him. but perhaps there comes a time where the flame that burns in his heart burns so hot that it consumes all oxygen that is left — and that very flame is left to die. 

sunday at 11:43pm — october thirteenth, 2019

her shift ended two hours ago. nearly three now. and she was nowhere to be seen. not a trace. not a whisper. not a sight. no proof that she had ever stepped foot there that day.

sitting up on the bonnet of his car, his head nested in his hands, the luminescence radiating from the theatre seemed like a cruel joke to him now. each time his head flicked up from its place in thick sorrow, he couldn’t help but scan the lobby that was aflutter with workers and police personnel. the blond was told to wait outside, and he watched as his heart continued to palpitate in his chest. 

“may i interrupt for a moment ?”

letting out a yelp, blue lifted his head from his knees as he looked into the eyes of an older man before him; angelo. blue recognised his face as a co-owner of the theatre, a title he shared with his wife. they were always kind to blue, and accommodating to the blond who spent more time at the theatre than some of their part time workers. over the months that he’d been visiting libby, he’d gotten to know the man. his taste in films, how he met his wife, how they’d fallen in love. how they don’t make popcorn like they used to. mourning the popularity of sarsaparilla (which blue sometimes orders, just to appease angelo). 

wiping his eyes, blue slid off his car and landed on his feet with a crunch, his breath visible due to the chill in the october air. he extended his hand to give the man a firm handshake, and angelo smiled at him with kindness at the gesture. “they told me to wait out here,” blue commented quietly, gesturing to one of multiple police cars that abutted the curb of the theatre. “sorry for disappearing. i imagine you are incredibly busy.” each syllable was laced with an irrevocable sadness. for some, this could be considered incriminating. it had only been a few hours, after all. no one else was the wiser that libby wasn’t the only missing student. maybe she’d just found her own way home. maybe she clocked out sick without telling anyone. maybe blue knew more than he was saying. 

but that couldn’t be true. blue, even though he struggled to accept it, could feel the truth deeply rooted at the core of his stomach. every second that ticked by, he couldn’t help but dance with the fact that his libby would never disappear without a trace like this. after spending almost an hour on the phone to ivy to confirm she hadn’t planned to meet up with her, blue was all too aware that something untoward pulsed through the town of ashmont. the very startling thought, which blue was still struggling to accept, latched in his throat and he found himself clinging onto his car as angelo looked on at him. 

“busy is one word for it,” angelo sighed, analyising the pain that resided in the footballer’s eyes. “i really must return inside, as the police have further inquiries.” about the last he saw of libby. before she disappeared. evidence. clues. the usual, for ashmont these days.“but, i saw you waiting outside, and i wanted to give you this.” 

it was then that angelo placed a book in his hands. although blue had always been kind and friendly to the man, they certainly weren’t in close acquaintance. the gift surprised him. but that’s when he realised. the book smelled strongly of roses and lillies of the valley, and a delicate yet familiar bookmark peaked through the pages. this was libby’s book. 

“where did you find this ?” blue gently removed the book from angelo’s hands, his fingers trailing over the cover of ‘persepolis‘. for a second, he even found himself admiring the art on the cover. 

“among her personal belongings in her locker. most had to be seized for the duration of the investigation, however... this was different. i thought it would find a better home with you than an evidence locker. it’s what i would want if sara was the one that...” angelo stopped, shook his head, before tapping the book in blue’s hands reassuringly. “it is yours.” 

blue then grabbed angelo and pulled him into a hug. he eclipsed the man in height and so blue’s head awkwardly hung over his shoulder, but it didn’t matter. in a day that had only been clouded in darkness, he still got to have a bit of libby with him. a bit of the woman he loved. 

and so as angelo disappeared back into the theatre, blue sat on his bonnet once more. however, this time, his thoughts weren’t stalled on horrors he couldn’t even imagine. they were indulged in the last words and pictures that libby had read. and in a way, they were still together. even if only for a moment, they were still together. 

thursday at 2:12pm  — october seventeenth, 2019

“we can offer you mineral water, tea, carbonated sodas, coffee... something stronger, if you need it.” 

blue hadn’t stopped crying since it had happened. it took him days to get off the caustic bottles that had become a life blood to him, at the behest of a best friend that forgave his past indiscretions when he saw how rapidly blue was falling apart. he felt guilty about that. and he felt guilty now too, as he sat in the kensington sitting room, their - he wanted to call her a maid ? - offered him some sort of liquid anesthetic. did he really look that awful ? 

in the wake of libby’s disappearance, richard (the workaholic that he was) seemed to be in and out of rooms with a phone pressed to his ear. this wasn’t uncharacteristic of libby’s father, and for all the years he’d known him blue had never seen that man without work at hand, building relations or preparing for a legislative campaign. but this time it was different. he wasn’t clinging to a phone as a modicum of power, expelling his energies and desires into the universe as he sought to change it. no, he gripped to that phone like it was a goddamn lifeline, anchoring him to any semblance of reality that could be found in what could only be described as a nightmare. his only daughter, gone from the world. 

even charlotte kensington, her rested expression always drawn in lines of contempt (on the blond especially) had been painted with grief. he’d never seen her with as much as a hair out of place, nor anything less than immaculate posture. but charlotte was also beside herself, looking to windows in the hopes to see her daughter evaporate into the space that consumed her field of vision. as for libby’s brothers, they seemed to keep their distance, and much like their father opted to keep themselves occupied to ensure their minds can be awash with anything other than what was a grim reality for all of them. 

“coffee would be, good thanks.” it was evident by the blond’s crestfallen expression that he had absolutely no interest in the coffee, but the maid simply smiled at him softly before trickling out of the room. richie soon slid his phone into his pocket, his stare as vacant as the sitting room. despite being so ornate and meticulously organised, it felt sterile. cold. blue watched as richie’s hand snaked around charlotte’s, neither looking up  but clasping onto one another to steady themselves. blue remained alone in the sofa opposite them. 

“thank you for the flowers. it was very thoughtful,” charlotte deadpanned, red rising in blue’s cheeks. it was clear that libby’s mother had never liked him. even when he and lib were children, she always seemed to have a prejudice against he and his mother. going through old photo albums after his mother’s death, blue was surprised to see that his mother and charlotte shared a lot of photos together in their high school yearbook. his mother used to be like them, after all. wealthy beyond belief. aristocratic. proper. that was, until she gave it all up. to have him. 

“they’re not much but....” blue paused, a painful scratching deep within his throat, everybody's eyes affixed to the arrangement of foxgloves  —  libby’s favourite flower.  “i can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through. if there’s anything you need...” blue trailed off, his eyes feeling hot once more. it seemed the red rims were a permanent fixture, and were mere days away before they were tattooed permanently to his skin. richie looked at blue thoughtfully for a moment, before, squeezing his wife’s hand. 

“i think you can imagine quite well what we’re going through, son.” 

although his grief would only eclipse in the days that were to come, for a singular moment blue looked up from his melancholic gaze into the eyes of libby’s father. it was strange; blue had never had a father of his own, and by proxy of his childhood friendship with libby (and holden — meaning that blue was always a plus one to family functions such as christmas and thanksgivings), richie had watched blue grow up. with no family of his own, the words richie expelled meant more than blue could ever articulate. here were two people, both who loved libby kensington more than anything in the world, and he... still supported blue. even though his wife certainly had not given her blessing, and even though he’d only come to learn of their relationship a few weeks ago at the ashmont art gallery opening. it was one word, one syllable. but that small act of validation, of kindness.... it meant everything to blue. and he smiled for the first time since libby had disappeared. 

sunday at 5:38pm  — october twentieth, 2019

never had blue run so fast in his entire life. for once, blue wasn’t anchored at the police station or at the kensington estate. it had been two weeks, and blue was torn apart inside waiting. waiting for news, waiting for truth. to distract him, holden had forced blue to watch movies with him that sunday afternoon. there was still tension, friction. but as each day since holden learned the truth of blue and libby passed by, it was clear to him that blue wasn’t interesting in libby in only a carnal or frivolous way. in everything he did, it was clear the depths to his love for her. and although blue struggled to vocalise it to the man who had been his home for nearly ten years now, the pair didn’t need words to communicate. it was a simple truth. blue hawthorne loves libby kensington.

but as the pair were sitting down to watch another inane action movie, blue’s phone began to buzz in his lap. he recognised the number that appeared on his phone almost immediately; it was the number of a young police officer (michael ?) telling him what had happened. 

libby had been found. 

alive. 

he didn’t even have time to say anything to holden other than “they found her” before he was out the door. stumbling down the steps as he shot himself to his car. the next twenty minutes were a blur. his speeding fines were most likely ready to be shipped in the next few days, but blue couldn’t give a fuck. he even struggled to regulate his breathing as he sped towards the ashmont hospital, where he knew she’d be. 

not pausing to think whether he’d be allowed inside, or even wanted in close proximity to her, blue sped to the closest (free) car park surrounding the hospital before booking it into the lobby. out of breath and with anxiety woven all across his face, the receptionist motioned him to the icu, where blue took off like a bolt of lightning. 

he wanted to savour this moment. as he entered through the doorway to see libby’s family pacing within the waiting area, he felt his heart skip a beat. this was it. this was actually happening. the woman he loved... she was okay. 

every night since she’d disappeared, he’d gone to sleep and dreamed of this moment. what he would do, what he would say. the thoughts that crossed his mind. what he’d first say to libby the second their eyes reconnected. if he’d kiss her, or keep his distance. how he’d try to hold back the tears. how hard he’d hold her hand. how he could possibly comfort her in the time of greatest need. but then it happened. 

beep, beep. 

blue looked down to his phone, stopping in the entryway for a second. the anxiety that filled him replaced the relief that flooded his body within seconds, and he went on to open a familiar notification. reading about the killer’s abhorrent sense of pride in kidnapping libby, rosa and danny had his stomach tied in knots. part of him... wondered if he wanted to know what happened to libby. the details. how she could ever recover from this. 

but then he read it. 

the secret. 

a secret. 

her secret. 

or.... their secret. 

blue’s phone fell out of his hand and collided with the sterile white linoleum. the sound elicited attention from richie, who beelined to blue in the moment that he saw him. but blue’s heart had stopped beating. he was no longer breathing. his face paled, and he felt a million corrosive knives slither down his throat and slice him to pieces. 

he was... a father. 

“they’re not allowing any visitors at the moment, i’m sorry.” richie looked at blue with deep sympathy, a fatherly smile on his face that was immovable. his daughter had been found. his little girl that he loved more than anything was safe. but blue didn’t even hear what he said  — his entire world was too busy crumbling as he faced an irrefutable fact. an unchanging mistake. an irrevocable mark on the relationship that he and libby had built. 

blue swallowed hard, before looking at the doors into her icu unit before glancing back to richie for a moment. “i... would you be able to give this to her for me ?” he asked shortly, handing over the copy of persepolis, a love letter hidden within the pages that blue had already forgotten resided within. he was shaking, which richie mistakenly attributed to the catharsis of finding libby alive. richie scooped up the phone blue had left on the ground, his eyes searching for a way to comfort the blond. but there was no way he could.

“of course i can. it’ll mean a lot to lizzy that you came. but go home, rest. i can let you know when you’re allowed to see her.”

at that point, neither knew that libby had suffered trauma induced memory loss. and richie didn’t know that blue had fathered a child his daughter had given birth to, lying to both of them in the process. 

richie grabbed blue for a hug, and the blond could no longer hold back the tears as richie rubbed his back and told him things were going to be better now. that things were okay. that they’d all recover. 

but would they ?

because all blue has ever wanted since his mother had passed was a family to call his own.

and in one moment, he gained one and lost one all in the same breath.

monday at 5:59am — october twenty first, 2019 (trigger warning: death)

"i don’t know what to do. you raised me to be a good man but... i don’t think i am. not anymore. a good man wouldn’t leave the woman he loves after she’s been to fucking hell and back, but i can’t, i can’t....”

the sky was overcast, and blue was shaking. holding his letterman jacket close to his chest, he had fallen to his knees as his world continued to spin around him. a mausoleum of wilted flowers were sprinkled across margarette hawthorne’s grave, and blue couldn’t stop the wave of tears that shook his body with such acute violence that he found his voice silenced for ten minutes or so. 

he visited his mother at least once a week, and she was the only reason that blue remained in ashmont after he turned eighteen and escaped the tyrannical rule of his grandparents. she was always there for him when he needed her. and he had promised her the very same, and always came back in his times of deep and utter depression. blue isn’t the most spiritual person in the world. but his mother was his first best friend, and he would always give her a space in his life. he had to. there’s no way he could be without her. 

“i’m so in love with her mom, but she... she lied to me. she didn’t trust me. i can’t... i can’t do this.” his breathing stopped and started with the volition of a backfired engine, and in lieu of smoke was a trail of condensation as the cool air swirled around the blond. he felt as though his heart had quite literally been torn in half. 

he was happy libby had been found. he was happy she was safe. he had not slept for the fortnight she was gone, and finally he knew she was okay so he could be okay. but the reality was, what he felt for her... all he ever wanted was a family. someone to love other than himself. the more he thought about what libby did, he had no issues with what she decided to do after. it is her body, after all. and blue had no say in the matter. but... he deserved to know. and what hurts for the blond is not that he has living, breathing family of his own that he didn;t know about. it’s that libby has known, for years, that he was a father. for the months they’d been in a relationship, she knew and had never told him. every morning she would wake to his face on her pillow, the thoughts of their child dancing in her mind, but she remained silent. every kissed they shared, the truth was lost on her lips. libby didn’t trust him with the facts, and blue was not sure if his heart would ever be the same again. he’d felt heartbreak. he’d felt rejection. he’d felt abandonment. he’d felt betrayal. but in his life, he had never felt anything like this.

“i would do anything for that woman. if she... if she’d told me. about. the child. i would have fucking dropped out of school. gotten a shitty job and worked as hard as i fucking could to provide for that kid. and if she didn’t want the baby, i could have at least... been there for her. fuck. fuck fuck fuck.”

blue lost track of time, and how long he spent there crying. no one there disturbed him, thinking he was mourning the loss of a loved one. and in a way, he was. he was crying for the daughter he’d never get to meet. 

he couldn’t help but wonder if he was selfish. maybe he deserved this. perhaps this was penance for the man he was in his youth, and all the mistakes he made. and what made things worse, he truly had no one to talk to about this. holden was far too close to the situation, and he did not at all feel it fair to burden another soul with the anguish that had filled his soul and caused him to lose his breath. 

if blue had been a better man, maybe he would have gotten the truth. maybe libby would have trusted him. maybe things would have been better. different. maybe blue would be part of a family again.

“i let lib down. i let you down. i let... her down.”

her — a young girl, four years old. bright blue eyes, and curly blond ringlets. an infectious laugh. a penchant for shapes, and a lover of barn animals. hates her vegetables, just like her dad. loves to read, just like her mom. and her favourite colour is blue.

friday to sunday — january ninth-eleventh, 2015

with the stress of college looming, it only made sense that holden and blue would take a weekend to, ahem, ‘unwind’. blue was certainly a different man when he was eighteen. in fact, that was the very truth. he wasn’t a man; he was a boy. his deep rooted abandonment issues and his need to please people saw him flitting from bad influence to bad influence, always accompanied by an illicit high and a companion in his bed. his fear of rejection had even paved the way for impenetrable walls that no one could breach, the blond refusing to let anyone get close. the only person who is perhaps exempt from this is his ex girlfriend delilah, who he cared for deeply but was so afraid of any feelings that could develop he called it off. one of his largest flaws was his cowardice, and blue wasn’t blind to that. he just refused to do anything about it. 

so when his best friend offered a getaway to new york for a couple of days with no financial burdens attached, blue couldn’t do anything but say yes. what he hadn’t accounted for was that holden was very much in the city to find an intimacy in a room full of strangers. a new face every single night. although blue had been assured this was a boys’ weekend, blue had no qualms with holden’s indelible plans. after all, he was paying for this trip. he could toss blue off at staten island and he’d have no say in the matter. 

but as holden disappeared into a sea of people, blue couldn’t help but follow his own social media to see a familiar face was also in the city. libby. she had been looking at columbia as a university, among many others. blue remembered distinctly that she had her heart set on princeton, but lib was always the type to plan ahead. to think beyond first choices. and he couldn’t say he was disappointed to know she was around.

catching one another in the same city was serendipitous. and for an afternoon, the years of their indifference melted. the smog of the city and the precipitation of immature rainfalls followed them as they walked about new york together. stopping for pizza, connected at the hip. like they had never ceased to be the best friends they were when they were eleven. 

after grabbing pizza at a hole-in-the-wall establishment, the awkward question arose of what the pair had planned next. either, part ways or continue their adventures. with nothing but innocence in mind, blue asked libby to come back to his hotel. libby accepted. 

there are many ways this evening could have ended. many things that could have happened. and all assumptions would be wrong, on the grounds that this isn’t just any regular couple. this was blue and libby. arriving at the apartment, drying off with the towels that sat in the bathroom, then flopping onto the king sized bed. a safe distance was established that entire night, and whilst movies played in the background, neither blue nor libby took any notice. their eyes were glued to one another, and at times, a hesitant brush of hands would occur as they readjusted their position. but on that night, as the forever burning lights of new york city continued to gleam, they talked. they talked and talked and talked for hours until their throats were sore. and in what felt like an instant, they weren’t acquaintances anymore. the memories of their childhood clear in mind, all the feelings that blue had for libby came rushing back. he now knew why he dropped hand-drawn cartoons in her locker even though they didn’t talk anymore. why he always sought out her eye in the hallway when they headed to class. why he always looked for libby on the quad when he ran out for a football game. 

he never got over her. 

and in the night following, he showed her. he made clear to her his feelings as they fell under covers, painting constellations of affection in each crevice of skin. he kissed her like he’d never kissed anyone before, and the two writhed in their passions for a night. a night that both of them had been wanting for a long time. a night that neither of them could forget.

in the dawn of sunday, blue kissed libby on the forehead. her phone sparked up on the nightstand as a familiar name popped up. jules bernard. a man that libby was always in the company of, a man that understood everything libby had to say. a man who... was better than he was. and despite the feelings that governed his actions the night before, blue choked on the anxiety of possibly being abandoned once more. for someone who was actually worthy of libby.

and so blue said goodbye to the woman he was meant to be with, unknowingly leaving her with the culmination of their love in his wake. 

a child.

blue’s letter in persepolis  — written on friday, october eighteenth, 2019. 

dear libby,

i don’t know why i’m writing this letter. hell, i don’t even know if you can read this letter. my writing doesn’t make sense and i’m sure i’m spelling things wrong. you were always good at that, helping me be better. literate, lmao. picking up the little things. my tutors have even noticed how much better my work has been since i’ve been with you. although since i had no skills to start with i don’t know if that means anything but... credit where credit is due.

in case you’re ever unsure, i fucking love you, libby kensington. you’ve been gone for five days now and i.... we are going to find you. one day you’ll read this and smile because i never gave up hope. that i was here, waiting for you. 

i know we’ve only been dating for seven or eight months now, even though i’ve had feelings for you much longer. we joke about it sometimes, the future. all i’m really certain of is that... you’re going to be in it. i hope you want to be. i haven’t really... considered what it would be like without you. your dad called me son the other day and i honestly haven’t gotten over it. people talk about soulmates a lot and i don’t know if i believe in that. all i really know is that i don’t make sense without you anymore. i’m not a poet, i’m not nicolas sparks or whoever else is supposed to make you fall in love in writing or on screen. shrek perhaps. but there’s no francis without libby. not anymore.

maybe, in some far off world, there’s a version of us out there that don’t go the distance. that don’t end up together. maybe one of us actually goes through with ballet and makes a name for ourselves. maybe we were born in different cities or even countries. maybe we were born to sink on the fucking titanic, i don’t know. there is one thing i do know, though. 

we aren’t one of the versions of us that don’t end up together.

i’m not good at letter writing. i am good at rambling though, as you know. i’m also good at finding original meme sources, and cross-stitching (don’t tell anyone that last one). but being without you for this past week and not knowing if you’re okay has been nothing short of hell. i’ve been to hell before, and i came back. i know what it’s like. and this, this is fucking something else. i could not wish the grief i’ve felt on any fucking person, no matter how worthy. i fucking miss you. i need you to be okay. forget your mom or your dad, your brothers, your friends. fuck, even forget me. come back for you. and if you need one more reason why, here’s all i can offer:

i think i’m always going to be in love with you, lib. no matter what happens between us. always. i’m always going to be here.

so you better return to me. to us. to the world. 

because i am never going to be ready to let you go. 

signed, francis...

your francis.

[at the bottom is a hand drawn picture of cute otters holding hands. otters, one of libby’s favourite animals.]

[ofphcenixes]

@redhawthorne420: anyone else got any secrets they wanna get off their chest?

@redhawthorne420: bc i can promise u, nothing can shock me anymore

@redhawthorne420: unless i got u pregnant and u didnt tell me too :)

[ofphcenixes]

smiley boy

[ofphcenixes]

send me a field or place of work, and i’ll make an au my muse in that setting.

for example, ‘flower shop’ might be a florist, the owner, a temp just trying to make a living by watering the plants and carrying soil, or the ceo of the chain.

[ofphcenixes]

If they pronounce gif and meme right you know they’re a keeper

[ofphcenixes]

holdenwoodz‌:

holden had learned the news of the kidnapping not through the various social media apps that cluttered his phone screen, or by the frantically realizing that one of his friends had neglected his texts in their shared group chats… instead, he discovered the news via his mother, of all people. he’d spent most of the evening down for a nap, no doubt meant to numb his mind from the overwhelming depression that blanketed the apartment ever since his falling out with his roommate and best friend. every moment in which they shared the space had become poisoned with an overbearing silence that seemed to puncture his every thought. his mind was polluted with images of their friendship, the carefree boys they were running through the woods in matching boy scout uniforms at thirteen, to knocking back cans of beers at sleazy parties at sixteen. in each setting of his life, blue had been present, practically his right hand. they’d never gone long chunks of time without speaking, not from that very moment they had stumbled across one another in that hospital cafeteria all those years of ago, finding consolation in each other’s smiles when darkness seemed to stretch across their lives. even during vacations, holden had begged his family to allow blue along, so consistently that the boy graduated to being a fixture in his home, pictures of the blond boy gracing bookcases in his family’s living room, and a seat reserved for him at christmas dinner. blue had trickled into every aspect of holden’s life, and stained himself there so permanently with his vibrancy that being devoid of his best friend felt disorientating, painful. the apartment grew ever emptier, blue seeking refuge from holden’s disappointment elsewhere, holden guessed straight into libby’s arms… that was, until they were no longer available to drape him in comfort. instead, she was far off, arms bound too tightly to even comfort herself… holden was stirred from his sleep by several missed calls in a row, he rubbed at the sleep at his eyes, sitting up in bed as he reached for his phone. seven in a row, all mom, one from ivy, and three from his uncle. the combination made no sense to holden in the moment, mind still fogged with slumber as he lazily slid the “call back” option for his mother, and leaned back against his headboard, eyes lulling shut at he awaited the familiar ring. there was no such sound, the phone clicking answer just as soon as he’d dialed. the rest was a daze of panicked questions, and mist of confusion. it was about libby, information on her… regarding her kidnapping.

shock had set in immediately, settling its cold shards into holden’s heart as soon as the phone had clicked off. his mind wandered to thoughts of daisey, her decaying corpse on a mountain of trash. princess of ashmont being demoted to nothingness amongst the derelict debris. though it was a tragedy, he thought it to be something daisey welcomed into her life. penance for the lives she tried to dismantle with her arrogance. with daisey, it almost made sense… holden would never be able to piece together an explanation for why rosa, danny, nate, and libby were chosen to be taken. his relationship with each victim varied, but he vehemently believed none of the victims deserved such a fate… least of all his family. blinded by the impact of his own pain, holden found himself shrouded in the darkness of his room still consumed by confusion and shock for many hours. his throat was dry and his palms damp, unable to bring himself to leave the comfort of his room and face reality… this had to be a bad dream. a cruel punishment from the gods for walling himself up from his best friend. he would wake up, and bound into blue’s room, flopping himself next to the other in bed and vow his forgiveness… anything for it not to be true. anything. but with a slam of their front door, holden realized that this was the unfortunate existence he’d been damned to, and began to try and make amends with that.

heart at his throat, holden slunk down into the bottom half of their apartment seeking out the only other soul that lived there. seeking out his brother. the brunet drew himself to the source of the rummaging in the kitchen, quietly watching the other sink down to the floor with a bottle of vodka, and for the first time in weeks… blue exchanged words. silently, holden laid himself out next to the boy, staring up at the ceiling as he reached for the bottle in his teammate’s hands to take a swig before passing it back. “i’ll find a way to forgive you,” holden offered quietly with double-meaning in his words, brown eyes peeling themself from the ceiling to give the boy a once over. red-rimmed eyes, and paled skin. grief with a face. the passing weeks had confined holden’s ability to offer words of kindness, betrayal still loitering in his mind but even still, he hated to see his best friend in pain. gently, holden reached out to take one of blue’s hands within his own, eyes returning to fix themselves at the light fixture above them. “it’s gonna be okay, blue.”

there was a moment there where blue had forgotten where he was. for a moment, he was not in a kitchen  — but an unforgiving abyss. his body coasted along a thickening void, expanding at his ankles and he felt himself swayed by the hollowness in his heart. he felt the ground beneath him, but knew it could crumble at any moment. he could see the cluttered bench tops, a table with a fruit bowl scarce of fruit, and even a man he could once have said was his best friend staring at him from the opposite end of the room. but blue wasn’t sure what was an illusion anymore, what visual contortions were caused by the caustic liquid slithering down his throat, and what more of his grief was demanded as a price to mend his bleeding heart. he had not the faintest idea, and all he could see where multiple sets of those brown eyes he had spent nearly his entire life dipping into. he was nothing without holden woods. he would not be a fibre of the person he was today were it not for the man standing before him. of what he could make out in his metamorphised state, there was a hand floating between them. a bridge, in which it was begging to be crossed, the taste of forgiveness salivating on his tongue. blue knew what that hand meant. it’s all he’d dreamed about for weeks, and there is almost nothing he wouldn’t do to take it. 

but blue continued to look up; his head scrunched into his shoulder, his eyes tethered to the chocolate brown he knew as home, and his hands... remaining at his side. 

“f-f-forgiveness is earned. i h-haven’t earned it.” the blond stuttered out, an unpleasant expulsion of gas erupting through his lips as the bottle in his hand is placed back to the ground. his fingers clasped around the bottled neck like a noose. “you obviously. know what’s h-happened.” the words meagerly tumbling from blue’s mouth are the most words he’d spoken to anyone that wasn’t a police officer. upon being struck by the news, all blue could do was drink himself into a stupor and try to quell the tears from falling evermore. dehydrated, his head throbbing, his throat aching, and his heart tearing in two, blue felt as though he were about to fall apart. this was never more true than when he looked back up to holden, seeing the unequivocal hurt at his refusal of his gesture. but with everything else going on, the weights that blue had carried up until this point, the last thing he felt obliged to do was accept holden’s pity. and so he didn’t. 

instead, tainted with a shade of harrow blue had never touched before, he stumbled upwards as he held onto the kitchen counter. hoisting up his weight as his body wobbled, blue didn’t cease until he found himself on his feet once more (albeit shaky at best), looking holden in the eyes. the tremor of his body was not lessened by his whitened knuckles that held onto the counter for stability, and blue bit his lip so hard that blood was excavated. the colour matched his tortured eyes. “it’s n-not your job to tell me it’s g-going to be okay.” blue warbled, a cry caught in his esophagus as his eyes once again began to well up. as such, the well of any water in his body was soon to be dried up, his every sorrow expelled in the hours preceding them. “there’s... a killer-r. daisey’s fucking dead. rosa, nate and d-danny could be fucking dead too, who the f-fuck knows ? and libby, my... libby, i... if i hadn’t hurt you like i have things could be different. but they can’t.” blue pressed one palm against holden’s chest, tears now flowing freely, and with his inhibited strength tried to push his best friend away. he couldn’t bear to look at him now, as he wiped away the disgusting discharge of his sorrow onto his sleeve. it was clear that blue was falling apart - and holden had no reason to be part of it. blue had betrayed the person he saw as his brother. their years bonded together over family christmases, stolen drinks from mr wood’s liquor cabinet, riding their bikes through the neighbourhood late at night because they felt unstoppable. all those memories meant nothing now after the hurt he’d instilled into holden’s heart. he hadn’t earned back the love of that holden yet. and he couldn’t accept it. not when he knew how holden really felt. “so you h-have to. leave. be t-there for your family. i can’t h-hurt you again. so go. i’m not your mess to deal with anymore. you must be in so much fucking pain. you g-gotta look after yourself first.”

[ofphcenixes]

OH SHIT AUSTEN-VERSE IM GONNA CRY, DO IT.

ngl this is my fave verse of all time and i’m now listening to the pride & prejudice soundtrack let’s go !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

blue (who would be known by his proper name, francis, in this verse) is not wealthy and does not have the connections or dowry to be preferable for marriage. as a child his parents tried to groom him to be civilised, as blue’s parents only had him at the time and so their family legacy laid with him. however, francis was always in another world. caught up in music, in adventures in the woods, he was never what the family wanted nor needed. francis’ mother admired his spirit, but his father feared for what it meant for their family moving forward. blue’s mother (like she does in basically every universe, rip) passes away, leaving francis’ father to remarry and have more children. a similar vibe to what can be found in mansfield park, francis is ostracized and pressured to be more. although with plenty of children under the one roof once his father remarried, their estate is still small, and although francis was to inherit upon his father’s passing - he didn’t want any part of it. this house was not a home, and he did not want to take a wife out of obligation as his father had after his own mother passed. so francis did what he thought he had to - he joined the militia. 

the militia were respected (to the gentry in relevant shires, at least), a feeling francis wasn’t used to. without the pressures of his family looming over him, his name not bearing much weight to anyone he met, he was free to create his own reputation. making the acquaintances of wealthier men within the militia, it was clear that francis was growing into the man his family had always wanted. one of valour and honour, and although he enjoyed the delights town would offer them when they were away (in form of libations and late nights), he was always aware of the consequences of his actions. francis always requested his station far from his home, and responded to his father’s letters sparingly. francis would also take residence with his closest companions when not on active duty, and would often see different parts of the country by merely staying in different parsonages and estates of those whom he had become acquainted with. 

(do not misconstrue this pLEASE) but francis loves balls lmfaoo. he loves to dance, and he loves any excuse he has to be social. having received a gentleman’s education (his parents’ sacrificing everything in order to elevate his rank), it allowed francis to rise in the ranks of the militia despite his worth of so little a year. but, inspired by his mother and a world unlike the aristocracy he was thrust into, he believed in love. and although the balls were primarily social events where francis felt uninhibited by the constraints of the time, it was clear that he lay in wait to meet his future bride. certainly agreeable and knowing that his search of a partner could easily be fulfilled, francis did not want to make the wrong decision. he had been hurt in love before, and always found a reason to wait. he was scared - a trait shared by veritas blue. any time an engagement could be considered, francis would either have to move, or convince himself that no feelings existed. although his reputation not tarnished, word of his incivility was known.

you know what fight me i was gonna keep this a Blue Exclusive hc but in order for an austen-verse headcanon fest, we need a partner. so sorry maaria, i am going to be Writing some regency era blibby now lmfao. but i imagine libby (or should i say elizabeth) to be in high society, most likely promised to a fellow wealthy bachelor in their society. but libby wouldn’t like that. and upon meeting francis as his militia regiment rolls into their shire, their chemistry would be palpable - however forbidden. elizabeth is promised otherwise, and francis does not make the living that a woman of her dowry could ever marry. but their connection was true and both knew it, even then. but both were tied to their tentpoles of fate, and their love (and perhaps vows, before her parents talked elizabeth out of it knowing the tarnish of her reputation at such an imprudent marriage) would see francis disappear for a couple of years, returning a wealthy captain (much like anne and frederick in persuasion). perhaps it is too late and elizabeth has already been promised to someone else. but francis would continually write her letters regardless, and i imagine they would reunite a few years later and the expectations of their world being too much, and only feeling some semblance of sanity when they’re together. since francis can now provide, i imagine elizabeth being able to call off any engagements she is engaged into if francis makes his sentiments known to her. and because francis is determined to be able to provide for elizabeth, and only when he knows he can does he ask elizabeth’s parents their permission to marry their daughter. and finally, francis will get the family he always wanted, with a love he knows that, unlike the love he felt from his family growing up, he knew to be true.

[ofphcenixes]

give me the Twilight au

i know this is blue’s account but honestly it would be an Injustice not to talk about nate here as well because that man… was made for a twilight au lmFAO. 

blue in this twilight universe ? i see him as a human that falls absolutely and unimaginably in love with a vampire. i can’t see him as a werewolf or a vampire himself, but i can see him being entirely smitten by one of the beautiful vampires. also blue is super averse to his emotions and feelings ( ASK DELILAH, THAT POOR WOMAN PUT UP WITH SO MUCH ), but something about the vampires just… lulls him in. blue is bella okay BLUE IS BELLA. i also feel like because he’s such a gregarious kind of person yet still incredibly genuine, and that whoever this vampire is is like…. i guess if i can’t shake you off i may as well beFRIEND YOU I GUESS.

assuming this takes place in forks (or another small town), this au would see blue moving to this town with his estranged father after his mother passes away. so like bella dkjfgd blue and his dad don’t get along at first, and blue hangs out on his own mostly, trying to fit in for a while. as this is high school blue, he probably lashes out and rebels a fair bit, which is part of why he is intoxicated by the person who is trying to be as distant as possible. everyone else is eager to befriend the strange, mysterious, somewhat kevin-bacon-esque from footloose vibes kinda guy, whereas tihs vamp is like… nope. no sirree. unfortunately blue doesn’t take no for an answer, and makes it his mission to annoy them and tell them jokes before the two become unlikely friends, and then become even more unlikely lovers.

blue would never guess this person is a vampire though. and even if he did he’s going to assume something more like… x-men. so i guess this vampire is gonna have to accept the fact the volturi may have to yeet them because the only way blue will learn the truth is if they tell him up front lmfao. for that reason i feel like whoever is in a clan with the vamp blue falls for… hates him dfkgjdf. they don’t trust him to keep the secret, even though… all he’s wanted is a family. he’s been deprived of one his whole life and although it’s not the family he would have expected to find, he wants in all the same. and they eventually came around to him. that is, if he doesn’t do something stupid to accidentally make him vampire chow in the meantime.

if/when blue is eventually turned for Love, he will be most fascinated by how much better his senses are. as someone who was already quite into nature, he will find himself out there all the time, narrating the lives of the bugs and leaves he can now hear from far away. on the flip side, his thirst will… bother him a lot. he certainly won’t be a dkfjgd nomadic vampire. as for his special ability, i feel like blue’s vampire gift won’t be particularly special but kfjgdf. i can see him having super speed! to the point he can almost be invisible to the naked eye. and although i don’t think he’d ever hunt humans, he’d do whatever his lover and their family wanted to do because blue has always wanted to be part of a Group and now he is. 

BONUS HEADCANONS FOR NATE LMFAO: fun facts, a lot of nate was dkgjdf inspired by edward lmfao. i definitely see nate as someone who was turned in the 19th century. on his own, vulnerable, an unsuccessful meal. i can definitely see him as being someone nomadic for a while, no particular reverence for human life that he never felt included in. but the more time goes on, the more the world evolves, the more nate realises that although he doesn’t know where he belongs, he wants to be part of this society. he wants to learn everything there is to possibly learn about this universe. he turns off hunting humans and instead raids blood banks and such (dkgfdjf), and i think that nate’s special ability is that he can see the past. it’s a very temperamental trait, but using objects he can trace back their origins and relive snippets in other time periods. very cool, somewhat useful, aro would Love to add nate to the volturi. but no, hes too busy being a NERD. so he kinda just studies tbh. changing countries every so often, with what must be a million degrees by now. although as time progresses he starts to get bored, and i do imagine that nate might seek a companion at some point. only if someone were to figure out what he was would he consider them smart enough and worthy to spend eternity with him. 

i know i didn’t mention any werewolves in this and honestly ? i just think it’s because i don’t see their stories entwining. unlike bella, blue isnt gonna friendzone some poor werewolf only to let them marry off to his future child. nate is too busy hating humans, he doesn’t need to hate werewolves too dkjgdf.

[ofphcenixes]

obligatory hogwarts!blue

first question you may ask, which house would blue be in ? as an only child he’d have no familiar expectation. and lowkey i always imagined that his mother was a muggle and his father was a wizard, and since his father left before he was born both blue and his mother when he got his hogwarts letter are like ???? but as stereotypical as it is, blue would be a gryffindor (although hufflepuff would be a close second). for the first two years it would be excruciating for blue and his mother to be apart, writing constantly. blue would take any opportunity he could to go back home. in this universe, as blue is quite charming and adults especially grow to like him, even with his quirks and jokes aside, would take pity on him when his mother grows ill. i also imagine that blue’s father isn’t so far disconnected from him and ensures that blue’s mother is treated with magic to cure her of her cancer.

his patronus would be a collie (described here), his boggart would be his zombified mother, and his wand would be an 11 inch firm chestnut wood wand, with phoenix feather core (a spectacular wand for someone who doesn’t believe in himself enough). and fun fact, he cried going through platform 9 and three quarters the first time. he thought he was going to hurt himself.

as a muggle born learning about this world a lot later than everyone else, blue is absolutely fascinated. he still doesn’t study and his grades are average at best, but he is so excited to be part of everything. potions is probably his weakest class, as the reliance on reading and not much magic turns him off. one thing that blue takes to naturally is flying, and makes the quidditch in no time. blue is a chaser, and if his confidence allows could grow into a captain as the years progress. another thing he is particularly gifted at at hogwarts is care of magical creatures, as he has always been a lover of animals. and depending on when blue attends the school, i imagine he’d really get along with hagrid as well. 

blue would also enter into the tri-wizard tournament when he’s old enough. for many years he feels like he’d have something to prove, and over time he really begins to focus (especially as he grows to understand his learning difficulties better). with the help of the people around him, blue may not win the tournament, but i absolutely see him as someone being worth of participating and doing well. maybe not coming back completely unscathed though, as he tends to enter situations prematurely at times and if he gets scarred by a dragon, eh. he’d probably be more impressed than anything. 

as for his O.W.L.S., i imagine he does a lot better than what people think he would. he wants to do his best, he wants to be part of this world, and he wants to continue onto be a successful wizard. Upon graduating, the dream would be to be some sort of quiddtch player, however he most likely either finds a job at the Ministry in Muggle Relations, or continues to hone his love of teaching as in veritas and becomes a professor of some sort ! blue would be very torn between his muggle life and his wizard life, and he’d be responsible for the proliferation of muggle music ( AND MEMES ) to hogwarts during his Stay. as an adult though, i imagine he tries to keep a balance, but honestly… once he accepts himself as a wizard, there’s no way he’s going back.

[ofphcenixes]

star wars! au

now for the record before i am Smited by the almighty star wars gods, i am only familiar with the films ! i donut read the comics or companion novels (or watch the tv series.. yet). but here is how i imagine blue would be in the star wars universe:

not for nothing, but we can agree that blue looks just like a young luke skywalker, eh ? well beyond that and probably being abandoned on a planet in the middle of nowhere (and have an affinity for blue milk), their similarities end there. blue is absolutely not force sensitive, and no one in their right mind could ever trust this boi with something as dangerous as a light saber.

but much like his veritas counterpart (oOF) i imagine blue was abandoned quite young. due to his mother’s circumstance, blue was born into poverty, and never knew his father. when his mother passes, he is left to fend for himself in any way he can. but he’s not athletically inclined, and does what any brave child with nothing to live for does: life threatening jobs for cash in hand. unlike other star wars characters that were abandoned and still seem to be good at everything cough rey cough, blue’s skills are minute, however his vast capacity for putting himself at risk for gain eclipses any other skill he could hope to learn. he is often found as a hand abroad many illegal ships, pillaging other vessels or ferrying black market cargo. it’s an unstable and unsafe living, but blue thrives off the thrill, and revels at being able to see more of the universe. honestly, if he could be your regular, above board Delivery Guy, he absolutely would. 

i think, depending at what point in the star wars universe he lives in, believes in the force. many people may have given up on the jedi and have surrendered to the idea of the republic, but his childlike sense of wonder and the utopia his mother often spoke about in his youth cemented his ideals. should the opportunity arise for him, i definitely think blue would be keen to fight for the resistance, however not as a fighter pilot or anything high ranking in nature. honestly i could see him as being the type to volunteer himself for a mission like the one seen in rogue one, the consequences be damned.

i also think that blue absolutely adores droids, and is fascinated by them. in his life, they help him feel less lonely. he believes in their rights but sometimes talks down to them, or makes jokes at their expense. however, he’d also be the type to get personally attached and drawing flames on them for ‘coolness’. it also doesn’t help that, after his childhood, he doesn’t trust other people. and he never lets himself get close to people or crews to stay with the same set of people for any length of time. however,, droids are different to him.another important note is that not many people in this universe would take him seriously, but blue (with what little he has) would be able to surround himself with enough goodness and joy that he doesn’t feel completely alone it’s part of why he is a drifter, and goes to anywhere with the promise of a paycheck. 

one folly of blue in this universe is, i think, his insistence on trying to be as casual as he does. he certainly doesn’t fit the machismo model of other drifters like himself, and his need to impress others and tell constant jokes could get him into trouble, especially for a lot of alien species which may inconsequentially end up as the butt of the joke. blue never means any harm, but sometimes he’ll go too far to please others, and either promise too much, or succumb tot he pressure and say something stupid (not unlike veritas blue). he also has no fighting ability, and his strengths are in evasion, running, and being physically flexible enough to hide in unassuming places. 

[ofphcenixes]

1, 3, 22, 27, 49, 66

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

“the last person i texted was richie, who is libby’s father… so imma gonna have to decline on that one. only man in that family i’d ever go for is holden.”

3. Have you taken someones virginity?

“answered. but yes. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)“

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?

“if shark tale has taught me anything, it’s that sharks are beautifully misunderstood creatures. i’d swim with them, fuck yeah. and if i die ? bonus. no better way to go out than to be a snacc.”

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

“i mean, i’ll laugh at anything. i’ll laugh at a misshapen tree branch. i think it’s more important to find someone who will not only laugh with, but also at me. someone who doesn’t take everything seriously. my dream person can be my partner in meme.”

49. Do you dance in the car?

“what type of fold-out polly pocket cool-ass dance floor cars do y’all have?”

66. Cheetos Or Fritos?

“never fretto, i would never cheato on my cheetos.”

[ofphcenixes]

34, 37, 40, 48, 68, 70, 73, 77

34. Listening to?

“this absolute banger.”

37. Do you believe in love at first sight?

“a lot of people think love at first sight is just liking the way someone looks. sometimes you get a feeling in your gut when you see a person you know, about the sort of relationship you’ll go on to have with them. that’s what happened with me and magenta. so in short, as was the case with us, yes. in human relationships, not always, but it’s possible. but for mags and i well… it was.”

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?

“because i am in love with them, and i wanted to kiss them. also she claims she’s never had ‘boy cooties’ and i, as a grown ass man, had to change that. but holy fuck, i miss her…i can’t, i can’t keep talking about her. part of my soul is missing and i just. i just need to know she’s okay.”

48. Do you sing in the shower?

“if you call what sounds like a screaming goat in a shower singing, then sure !”

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?

“all i used to listen to on my ipod nano was taylor swift’s ‘love story’ back in 2008 lmfao.”

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

“whatever he or she wants to do with their life. something that makes them happy. if they have plenty of paid vacations well, that’s a bonus. although i don’t know if i could end up with a comedian. my frail ego couldn’t handle that.”

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?

“only once. waiting at this fucking police station, i’m hoping for my twice.”

77. Ever been in love?

“i haven’t been in love… i am in love. and it’s everything i hoped it would be. for once, disney didn’t let me down. although after musfasa, they’re on thin fucking ice.”

[ofphcenixes]

36 lmfao, 54, 72, 85, 90, 91, 91,

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?

“i don’t. know how to respond to this. if i was brave enough, if i were holden, i’d punch you in the fucking face.”

54. Ever eat a pierogi?

“i mean, i’ve had pie ? is that the same ? yes ? no ? maybe ??”

72. Ever won a spelling bee?

“the biggest word i know how to spell is becawse.”

85. Are you patient?

“are you doctor ? is this real ? what is love ? hotel ? trivago.”

90. Opinions on sex before marriage?

“yes, please.”

91. Best room for a fireplace?

“probably not a room with a pool. or my bedroom… it’s hot enough in there. ( ͡o ͜ʖ ͡o)  i’m kidding i’m very alone send help.”

91. Best room for a fireplace?

“funnily enough, my opinion on this hasn’t changed in the five seconds it’s been since i answered it last.”

[ofphcenixes]

3,6,7,15,16,23,30

3. Have you taken someones virginity?

“a gentleman never tells… but i’m no gentleman so i can tell you i sure as heck have. not gonna ive names though, because it’s no one’s business and i also don’t wanna be dumped. … fuck.”

6. What are you excited for?

“for when libby and the other three missing people are found. alive. safe.” 

me to blue: oh honey you’ve got a big storm coming

7. What happened tonight?

“i may have two brain cells, but what ? other than sitting in a police station waiting for news ? eating a bagel well past its prime because the lady at the corner store felt sorry for me ? can’t say i’ve been painting the town lately, karen.”

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?

“yes.” it started out with a kiss who did it end up like this, it was only a kiss, it was only a kiss.

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?

“like a pokemon evolution ? fuck i hope so.”

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?

“i wouldn’t know. hope not.”

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?

“i… this one is hard for me. because i know i was a fucking wreck in high school. i hurt so many people, did some stupid shit i can never take back. but people gave me a second chance, and it was because of the people that believed in me that i’m here today. that i actually get to go to college, have people in my life. fuck, even have a place to live and to breathe. but there are some people… i just… it’s a hard one. i know firsthand what a bit of faith does to a person and how they can turn it all around. and i am not the right person to say where that cut off should be, at what point you can still offer a chance. i just know i’m lucky for the ones i got.”