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daily affirmations:

i am kind

i am in control of my emotions

it does not bother me when someone is in the kitchen while i was planning to be in there alone

everyone in the house has the right to be in the kitchen

i am kind and in control of my emotions even when someone is in the kitchen while i was planning to be in there alone

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the fact that webkinz named a species "googles" and never backed down from it is really funny to me because like. nintendo changed the dialogue of a throwaway npc in a zelda game once because she said "yahoo!" and they were scared they'd get sued by yahoo but ganz is just like. yeah no we don't care if google is the biggest search engine and owns an obscene amount of sites and properties. thats our funny platypus so.

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I need to repost the funniest fucking video my friend has ever made I cant stop thinking about it I need to inflict it on more people

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is this anything

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if someone asked me “What color is your heart today? Why?” instead of “how are you” I would murder them in cold blood. 

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maybe I'll get killed soon cause I earned it

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drinking water when I have a headache should give instant relief. it should go away. what's even the point of drinking water if it can't do that

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happy dad day

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worst fear is that i write something from the heart and it gets mocked as #tumblrprose . second worst fear is big big big big ant colony conspiring to kill me to death

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idk if this is just the Autism Logic speaking, but all those ""cognitohazard"" thought experiments are just so dumb to me. like yeah, what IF there's an evil supercomputer in the future that'll torture you if you don't help build it. sick, dude. i can make things up too, what if there was a mole man living under your house and he burrowed up through your floor and ate you. ooga booga. spiral into insanity now please

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The Ultimate Dream Pet

So this is a creature that can be found in "Bart Simpson's Guide to Life." It is known as the Ultimate Dream Pet. I just wanted to do my own spin on it because this thing is an absolute mess and I love it.

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what the world looks like after a big cup of lemonade