oh-dear-am-queer - Tumblr blog

[oh-dear-am-queer]

Get you a girl who speaks in parentheses. Get you a girl who includes information in a sentence that isn't necessary but adds additional context or commentary.

[oh-dear-am-queer]

“I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you.”

— Paulo Coelho

[oh-dear-am-queer]

“If you knew how hard it was, and how long it took, to rebuild my little universe of peace and happiness then you would understand why I’m so picky about who I allow in my life.”

— Weird People

[oh-dear-am-queer]

dom who sticks their fingers down your throat, asks you a question, and laughs when you try to answer

[oh-dear-am-queer]

I wanna sit behind someone with one of my hands in their pants slowly stroking them while the other one caresses their thigh. I’d be kissing the back of their neck while I rub circles around their clit. You can rest your head against me baby. That’s it. Be good and moan for me. I know how much you like my soft touch. Our legs would be intertwined in a way where mine are keeping you spread nice and open for me. I’ll work my fingers into you. It would be oh so easy. You’d be so nice and wet for me. I’d pick up my pace and when you feel yourself getting closer and closer to the edge, I’d make sure you can’t close those pretty little legs of yours. My other hand would find it’s way to one of your nipples and play with it. Rolling it between my fingers as I leave hickeys on your neck. You’d be making the sweetest of sounds for me as I have my way with you. I’d make sure to give the other one as much attention as I did the first. I’d love feeling your hips buck against me as I’m thrusting my fingers into you, making you a cute incoherent mess. I know you’ll be soo good and cum for me as I praise you and whisper sweet nothings in your ear.

[oh-dear-am-queer]

[oh-dear-am-queer]

Aftercare (in kink/bdsm)

What is aftercare?

Aftercare is what happens after any kind of play or sex (even vanilla!). Aftercare is not just a bdsm term, everyone should have aftercare. Aftercare is for everyone, subs and doms. It’s the act of taking care of your partner after a scene or sex in general. It can be physical or vocal, but is meant to support & soothe emotional and mental needs.

Why is aftercare important?

Aftercare is not only important but necessary after play. As a dom, aftercare is my favorite part of the dynamic. But, I have learned that a lot of subs don’t realize doms need aftercare too! Aftercare is reassurance for both parties. At the end of this post, there’s a list of aftercare ideas. To further explain, aftercare serves as a reminder that each party enjoyed the play that just happened and neither are harmed or uncomfortable! Both parties need to feel like they did good and that both people feel safe. This is not the time to have an in depth conversation about what just happened, though. Keep the conversation light but with your partners well-being in mind. This goes for online play too. Clean each other up (or if you’re like me— take the time to clean up your sweet baby and praise tf out of them). subs— tell your dom you enjoyed the play, you’re okay, or just a simple thank you. If you’re non-verbal during this: this next part will help!

How do I establish aftercare?

Not everyone enjoys the same kind of aftercare. Physical aftercare like kissing, applying lotion, cuddles, is sometimes very over stimulating for some people.

Verbal aftercare like reassurance, asking questions, asking a sub to speak directly after play can also people overwhelming for people who go non-verbal during and after play.

So how do you know what someone prefers? Talk to your partner! Even if it’s a one-off kind of thing, a FWB, a kink dynamic, or a romantic relationship discuss before hand what your partner prefers.

You can do this by starting a sentence with: “After play/sex I need _____” or “I feel better when you do _____ after play.” (There are many other ways to do this as well!)

What if I don’t like aftercare?

Again, there are many types of aftercare! you don’t like physical touch or conversation afterwards? hey! that’s okay! Aftercare should always include hydration of some kind and maybe a snack! There are so many different forms aftercare.

The necessities:

make sure both parties feel comfortable, safe, and supported

hydrate!! water or gatorade are both excellent choices (water is good for you & Gatorade replenishes electrolytes)

cleaning (leave the room a mess, but if your partner prefers their body to be clean then this can be done.)

communication of some kind

for harder scenes (ex. pain play, impact play, rope play, etc.) please check your partner for any signs of physical harm. have a first aid kit ready.

do your research, know your stuff. don’t participate in play you don’t fully understand or feel fully comfortable doing. have a complete understanding of aftercare and what the scenes you do will require afterwards.

never leave your partner alone after play

Aftercare ideas

There are far more than I am listing, these are here to generate further ideas! Again, aftercare is different for everyone so these may not be for you!

In-person:

showering with your partner

taking a bath or running a bath for your partner

applying lotion (good for impact play!)

putting a blanket or clean clothes in a dryer so afterwards you or your partner feels warm and safe

watching a comfort movie/show

taking a nap

cuddles, kisses, playing with their hair

praise, praise, and more praise

have snacks ready

hydrate!! this is SO important!

ask questions about what just happened (keep it light because subspace/domspace)

color, read

hold your partner

listen to music together

Online:

reaffirming/reassuring language in the conversation

watch a movie together (there’s apps for this like discord or you can start it at the same time)

video or phone call (even if you’re just staring at each other in silence)

have your partner get water and a snack before hand so it’s ready for them

praise, praise, and more praise!!

light conversation

play an online game together

have your partner have warm clothes or a warm blanket ready before hand

clean up supplies ready before hand

reassurance is so important for both parties when you’re long distance or participating in online play

[oh-dear-am-queer]

That's the thing about people who haven't been loved much..They think about every kind gesture, a slightest touch of fingers, kind smiles, random acts of love, intimacy in every small thing done. They find that love wherever they can cause it was never given to them freely. They don't ask for love, they search for it everywhere.

[oh-dear-am-queer]

halsey, “colors” / @softmealsart, “confession booth” / sally rooney, normal people / hozier, “take me to church” / daredevil, season three, episode 10 / erich maria remarque, all quiet on the western front

[oh-dear-am-queer]

the progress you’ve made is not lost, even if you’ve relapsed. the lessons you’ve learned and your recovery journey aren’t wasted or forever gone. progress is not linear and having your ups and downs is completely normal when you are recovering. it may feel like a definite setback, but please be gentle with yourself!!!! you have already struggled and hurt so much!!! you don’t need to extend your hurt by punishing yourself for not being “healed or recovered enough.” you are worthy of your own utmost respect, especially in your worst moments.

[oh-dear-am-queer]

i think that if someone were to just read to me - like their favourite poem or a chapter from their favourite book - it would make me forget all the bad things, for a little while

[oh-dear-am-queer]

i want love letters, i want hand and forehead kisses, i want to adopt animals together, i want to grow old with my person

[oh-dear-am-queer]

[oh-dear-am-queer]

I don’t really know how to be a dom..

but what I DO know is that you are so very adorable when you squirm and moan and blush and I’d love to lay you down and coax every noise I can out of you until your throat is sore

and of course we can’t let you try to cover your face with your arms, no, I want to see your handsome face, so we may as well tie those down, huh? and your legs while we’re at it

and, baby, I just can’t help myself from needing to slide my strap into you, you’re just so perfect and gorgeous, and you make the most tantalizing noises that I just can’t resist

I don’t really know how to be a dom, but I do know that you’d look too good under me not to try

[oh-dear-am-queer]

Small talk kills me. Teach me something. Tell me about your life experiences and the lessons you've learned. Discuss psychology and your spiritual journey. Give me depth and authenticity.

[oh-dear-am-queer]

🥰 doms who are cute and gentle and sweet and who praise you for saying "no" and "I'm not sure" and "maybe another time" and who thank you when you tell them what you need and how you're feeling 🥰

[oh-dear-am-queer]

i wanna act all shy and innocent, then have you tease and fuck me until my brain is ruined and i can’t hide how much i want you anymore. maybe laugh at how needy i am, how easy it is to make me blush. tell me all the things you want to do to me and watch my face turn red and my legs rub together. ❤️