oh-imgrand
브렌
the sun will rise and we will try again
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Good Morning
Centovalli, Ticino - a window with a view
by One Pic A Day
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[200301] been going back to a certain headspace as of late, really reminds me that I still have lots of growing to do in various aspects of life even if seems as though I’ve been through a lot. after all, I’ve only spent two decades on this earth right? though that also marks having lived a quarter of my life already.
7 years on and I’m still struggling with self-love, if anything it’s gotten worse because I’m now hyper aware of my additional shortcomings (especially when most of my peers are peaking at this age). I wish I stopped feeling so much all the time, all at once. Yet it’s ironic how the best way to describe my current state is an empty shell. I’ll still keep trying though, this is a vicious cycle I need to break out of before it’s too late.
[220223] funny how I felt a sudden impulse to come back here after almost exactly 2 years….generally in a better? headspace than I was before and I’m thankful for that! lots of growth happened in the past 2 years— learning to let go, learning to be content & learning to love myself.
it’s just one of those nights I have to word vomit what’s on my mind…but hey having a healthy outlet is the best way to go!
hmm as much as I’m learning to let go, there’s a very fine line between learning to become detached (where necessary) and being consciously detached because I’m afraid of what’s to come post-attachment. it’s inevitable that people leave, esp when they find a new group of friends/partner (& it’s those times I can’t help but feel sad? at being single). I understand this is normal human behaviour and who’s to say I won’t be the same if I get attached…maybe I just have unreasonably high expectations of friends, or is it that I’m being unreasonably needy?? have to start thinking whether I’m the problem if this is a recurring feeling I get with different friends :”)
anyhow, right now I’m choosing to be guarded (as best as I can) because I realised I’m developing an emotional attachment/dependency and I’m not prepared to lose this friendship (& even if/when I do), this is how I’m doing damage control by preventing myself from getting too close in the first place!
I’m sure I’m being ~extra~ emotional now bc it’s 1am and I’ll be fine when I wake up tmrw morning, but we’re trying not to be dismissive of emotions!! my feelings are valid!!!
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‘put your hand in mine
you know that I want to be with you all the time’
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well, well, well, if it isn’t the feelings i’ve been trying to avoid
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yiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikes
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