ohgodfeelingss - Tumblr blog

[ohgodfeelingss]

bout to cut in the dark wish me luck lmao

[ohgodfeelingss]

my two coping mechanisms rn are thinking about vaping or making myself bleed. i dont vape i dont have vapes but fuck would they make me feel better.

[ohgodfeelingss]

we’ll see. i might pick up the blade. just to show them i guess is my mentality lol. which is even worse. everything about me is worse. when will i get tired of myself enough to make it stop

[ohgodfeelingss]

i’d just rather be asleep. i could go to sleep without cutting. i could. i dont want to though

[ohgodfeelingss]

i dont care about myself i just want to run away from feeling. even if i dont even feel that bad

[ohgodfeelingss]

i know i shouldnt cut because i dont even feel bad i just feel uncomfortable and i dont wanna be here or thinking i just want an easy distraction and that’s such a bad reason but i dont care anymore and it’s easy and i want it

[ohgodfeelingss]

hearing about how straight cis men talk about women and sex is very. ahahah. uncomfortable. especially as an aspec. as an ace aspec. yeah.

[ohgodfeelingss]

not responding to his messages rn but what am i supposed to say. sorry i dont really wanna talk right now i just wanna cvt myself and look at pics of other people’s sh

[ohgodfeelingss]

maybe im like. grayaroflux. or something idk i keep feeling like i wake up some days more aro than others but im always still aro to some extent yk

[ohgodfeelingss]

being arospec is so easy it’s not inconvenient at all when you want to not feel repulsed by romance but your aro brain has turned on to 200% today

[ohgodfeelingss]

being aro/arospec is him making me feel like nobody else ever has, but it doesn't feel like "enough"

like you're special, but it's not really what other people think of, yknow? so it almost doesnt feel like enough to "justify" it calling it romantic cos this isn't what it seems like it should be

like you make me feel a way that nobody else in my life does, and you make me feel things that are new for me, that i thought i'd never feel, but what that means for me is very very different to an alloromantic perspective

you make me feel different enough to separate you from other people in my life, but at the same time i feel like im not really feeling that much....

idk man

[ohgodfeelingss]

hngh. i dont think im arospec anymore guys. i wanna go back to when i was crushing :))))

[ohgodfeelingss]

the problem with self harm is that once u do it it becomes ur answer to fucking everything

[ohgodfeelingss]

hate that im missing him rn he’s been gone for barely one day 😭😭😭😭 i just wanna be near him :(((

[ohgodfeelingss]

ok but why am i missing him a lot rn i really wanna cuddle with him 😭😭😭

[ohgodfeelingss]

my attraction has turned back on which is great but also not great because he’s just left for two weeks and i dont get to see him until then 😐

[ohgodfeelingss]

im so dramatic lmao oh my god