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[ohlooh]

Danny: Hell didn’t want me when I died, and heaven cast me out. So now I’m stuck in between on this little place called Earth. Sometimes I like to think it’s my own personal hell, but who am I to judge?

Tim, who was on day 5 of being awake: have you tried to fight god?

Danny: oh, I did, and I won. But the bastard is manipulative and decided that I wasn’t allowed in heaven because of pure spite.

Tim: interesting. Do you still want to fight gods?

Danny: depends. Me and Hades are under a truce, and Zeus kicked me out of Olympus. Sometimes I thought about fighting with Wonder Woman to get a rise from Zeus, but Hippolyta told me I wouldn’t be invited for dinner if I messed with her daughter, sooo….

Tim, pulling out his phone: cool, cool, so his name is darkseid, and he’s an asshole

Danny: say no more

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[ohlooh]

I just had to play a drinking game with 3.75yo.

He's got a fever, and he was getting tired and achey and just miserable. And I had mixed a dose of Children's Motrin into his juice, as that's the only way he'll take it, but he was kind of ignoring the juice unless I prodded, and the constant prodding was starting to irritate both of us.

So when he asked to to read him a long Thomas the Tank Engine book, I said, "Sure, but we're going to make a game of it. Every time I say the word 'engine', you have to take a sip of juice."

By the third or fourth "engine" he started finding it hilarious, and by the end of the book he had drank almost all the juice. His temperature dropped and his spirits rose not long after.

I am either an amazing or a terrible parent.

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[ohlooh]

i was cuddling with my boyfriend last night when his shoulder started tensing up (like he was readjusting or gently pushing me off) and when i asked him if he was okay or needed me to move or something he went “no you’re fine, i was just imagining myself pulling a large rope. i didn’t even realize my shoulder was doing that lmao” then refused to elaborate and i have never been as attracted to him as i was in that moment.

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just imagining a teeny tiny tim being absolutely devastated about jason’s death, that he manages to get on to dark forums to contact a mercenary for a hit on the joker’s life.

and who happens to be that mercenary? deathstroke.

tim wires money from his (admittedly very high) allowance to slade, who finishes the job within the week — news outlets are going crazy as nobody knows who pulled off such a stunt — bruce is confused, and dick is both grateful, that someone took the bastard who killed his baby brothers life, and angry, because bruce wasn’t the one to do it.

slade however? wants to investigate, someone finally had the gall to order a hit on the joker and he’s a little curious to see who it is.

only come to find a little boy all alone in a big house who spends his nights following around a vigilante in a furry suit.

and, well, slade hasn’t been the best parent, and probably doesn’t know how to deal with an average kid, but who can blame him when he begins to train tim into becoming a mercenary just like him — after all, how else is he gonna defend himself on the streets of gotham when he gallivants around with an expensive camera, a sign basically saying ‘kidnap me!’ strapped to his chest?

so what if the kid becomes robin and uses those skills in the cape? that’s batman’s problem to figure out.

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not only does fluttershy smoke weed, the first time she did was at a party one of the other ponies brought her to. she was passed the bong and weakly said “oh… sorry. i don’t smoke, i’ll cough and it’ll be really embarrassing.”

other ponies are like “nah you can do it! we won’t laugh!” and then she was like “ohh… okay…” and then just took the fattest bong rip, held it for 3 seconds, exhaled. everyone is in shock. she then does a weak little not-even cough and goes “ohh… i knew it… and now you’re all staring at me :(” and runs away

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Anybody want to play hangman with me? Here's the word: _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

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me when i wanna talk about my special interests but i got the vampire autism where you gotta invite me to talk about smth first, otherwise i wont say shit or dont know what to say because i feel like im annoying

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[ohlooh]

Check reblogs for additional parts

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cmon child safety lid you know it's me

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Yall someone on reddit made a list of reverse writing tropes as prompts and I'm losing my damn mind over them:

I want to write something for each and every one of these. I already have ideas for some of them holy shit I love these 🤣

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Unpleasant_(interface)_design

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They’re The Same Picture