ohmygosh-livv - Tumblr blog

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9. If you did not have your symptoms what would your life be like; please provide specific examples

HUH? Floored me. Hermmm I hadn’t considered this Jeanette.

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feeling like such an interestpilled molecel rn

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This mole is my favourite, a fact about his interests is that he stopped watching dreamsmp streams after the doomsday war. He said it “just wasn’t the same”.

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#markipl

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Interesting !

(Tw!!! Suicide//ocd///intrusive thoughts)

I think TikTok has created this like obsessive need to be seen and observed when feeling bad, and I am not immune ! I also believe it’s neglect. I just, I want everyone to know how deeply I feel emotions and I want them to feel emotions like that to. Just so visceral, too condensed and concentrated. I want to shout it loud.

I think this is what it is to be 21, I’m pretty sure. It’s less like growing and more like aching twists. But somehow, I feel okay. I want everyone to know my intrusive thoughts about killing myself, but I’m also happy.

For reference, in this context I mean “intrusive thought” as an OCD symptom, not being impulsive. For me intrusive thoughts sometimes present themselves as images in my brain that I can’t stop seeing. I walk down the stairs and I can see myself falling down and breaking my legs, I feel a bit sad and see actual physical visions of stabbing myself. Freaky deaky. I want everyone to know, but I also want no one to know because how could they ever understand.

It’s why I don’t understand when people post/repost omg so real relatable sad things,,, it feels like a big trick. Do you really get it, am I safe to sit with you and know you’ll understand what I think and feel ? It feels like one big mask and it makes me angry. Work boy can post all he wants on his story, but I know in my gut he simply does. Not. Get it. He can’t. I want him to sit in my thoughts for a day and then see. I want him to do that and physically explode. I know this isn’t a me only issue, I get I’m not the only person in the world who feels like this. But it’s so isolating, right?

Being wired different. I want to talk to my friends about it, I want them to know me as intimately as I know myself. But then again, so I even know myself? Yeah I reckon I do.

As of late my biggest struggle has been to try and fully understand who I am, to create an image I can be solid on. It’s hard ! And it’s ever growing, I get that. Being rocky on who I am does make me a little excited though, because it means I get to decide who I want to be, blank canvas style.

I like women, and boys. When I say women and boys, I don’t mean as a sex or a gender. Just concepts I think. Aliens. Fact: I love boys, I love how they are built and I love their shoulders. I love their backs and I love their hair and I love their hands. And I love women, I love their hair too, and their backs and their noses and smiles and I love their built-in kindness and care and sweetness. I love everyone, and I am so insanely excited to meet more people to get to know intimately.

The same way I know my friends.

Living with my best friend fronk has been a dream come true. I just don’t have a worry in the world about how I present myself, how I act how I speak or move. How loud I am or how quiet I am. I will never settle for less than that, I’ve had the best and I don’t think it can ever be beaten. I guess in that sense, I will have to settle for less. But I’m okay with that.

Those are my thoughts for the evening! I’m going to maybe go listen to some music and maybe have a wank (eek!?). I’m not sure yet. But I’m feeling happy, I’m feeling unsure of myself but in a way that feels controllable.

Good night ! I love you all <3 (especially cheesebot)

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My ex-boyfriend said that I use too many commas. Is this my biggest red flag guys ?

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Something about being at home that makes me want to smash my head against a wall repeatedly and hard. Then feel guilty about smashing my head against a wall repeatedly and hard.

Am I like my mummy? :0 *bites fingy nails* *bites fingy nails*

[ohmygosh-livv]

My grandad couldn’t join our failed picnic yesterday because his wife has a hernia. This is not a new hernia, she’s had it for a while. So, with that context, throughout the day me and my mum made jokes about hernias and whenever we could, we brought up her hernia, even when it wasn’t slightly part of the conversation.

So this morning, my mum was getting stressed about organising visiting family , “why do I always have to organise everyone”, and she asked “we can pop in to see grandad on the way to the train station”. I said,

“I don’t want to catch **wifes**s hernia!”.

(I stood in the kitchen like this 🤭🤭 waiting for a big laugh)

Now you’d think. You’d think, with the context provided, this would be a funny joke, no?

My mum said, with a defeated sigh,

“You can’t catch hernias love”.

Crazy this is the second time this week I’ve discussed hernias.

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jake brockman from bbc outnumbered 🌝😊

Jake Brockman from BBC Outnumbered is Kenough!

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monster au intros - konig and horangi!

access all my content early on patreon

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some activities in the military camp

https://www.patreon.com/Ergione

https://twitter.com/ergione

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funny dog skin

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This is magical ! Little magical place !

Having interesting thoughts about social media recently ! I think this week I would like to film a whole game play of corpse party, I might not even upload it anywhere, I just think it could be fun ! I think I would need a microphone thought, maybe fronk had one I can borrow ? I can’t remember if they do or not but I feel like they do ?

Instagram freaks me out, too many boys from hinge on there. I could just block them, but I don’t have the heart. I sent a couple of them scandalous images of my boobies ! And somehow,,, I do not feel weird about it. Am I desensitised ? Or have I completely disconnected from my body and see it as an alien form rather than anything sexualised. And, the main question there is, is that bad or good ? I reckon good. I’m a little alien and I don’t even freaking care if that’s a trauma response. I like it. But my main issue is , it feels too unorganised ! Where should I post my photography, where should I post pictures of my face, where should I post days out ? Surly not all in the same place ! It’s unheard of and stresses me out. I also want to post the cool TikTok’s I have in my drafts, and stream, and dance and shout.

Social media is funky ! I unfollowed stinky work boy which is good, he’s so…. Interesting…. “Blah blah start your own blog” yeah, I freaking will ! Not because you told me too; idiot boy. This is fun ! Hello my best friend Frankie. I have so many thoughts ! I wonder if I will find my other friends on here…. I ought to not go looking. My mum is snoring and it’s annoying me :/ so I will stop writing now. I will let you know if I do film a cool game play series of corpse party !

Good bye ! And nice to meet you tumblr :).

[ohmygosh-livv]

Cheek to cheek in hell with a dead girl walking

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tubbo come get your ranboo he's out there standing in the woods ominously again this is the third time this week-

(reblog pls&thx!!!)

[ohmygosh-livv]

/hug

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besties