ohyesdavidsedaris-blog

[ohyesdavidsedaris-blog]

I would never want anyone to think that I would have wanted a different father. I always acted against my father, right?... it's what got me out of bed every morning, thinking, 'Well, I'll show him.' And I don't know if my dad knew that. I don't know if it was part of his master plan, but it really worked.

David Sedaris

[ohyesdavidsedaris-blog]

David Sedaris

[ohyesdavidsedaris-blog]

He die one day, and then he go above of my head to live with your father. He weared the long hair, and after he died, the first day he come back here for to say hello to the peoples. He nice, the Jesus.

David Sedaris

[ohyesdavidsedaris-blog]

We received baskets of candy until we grew older and the Easter Bunny branched out. Those who smoked would awaken to find a carton of cigarettes and an assortment of disposable lighters, while the others would receive an equivalent, each according to his or her vice.

David Sedaris (via ohyesdavidsedaris)

[ohyesdavidsedaris-blog]

Well, that's a hell of a reason to poison yourself.

David Sedaris

[ohyesdavidsedaris-blog]

I often believe that no one could appreciate the iPod more than me. I think that it was invented especially for me. I would fight for my iPod. Like, I wouldn’t fight for my freedom, but I would fight for my iPod.

David Sedaris

[ohyesdavidsedaris-blog]

[ohyesdavidsedaris-blog]

Like any normal fifth grader, I preferred my villains to be evil and stay that way, to act like Dracula rather than Frankenstein's monster, who ruined everything by handing that peasant girl a flower. He sort of made up for it by drowning her a few minutes later, but, still, you couldn't look at him the same way again.

David Sedaris

[ohyesdavidsedaris-blog]

Certain motherfuckers think they can fuck with my shit, but you can't kill the Rooster. You might can fuck him up some times, but, bitch, nobody kills the motherfucking Rooster. You know what I'm saying?

David Sedaris

[ohyesdavidsedaris-blog]

Phillip Seymour Hoffman in Strangers With Candy (2005)

Phillip Seymour Hoffman was a good friend of Amy Sedaris and used to "play childish acting games" with her in her apartment. 

Source

[ohyesdavidsedaris-blog]

Relationship advice with David Sedaris. 

[ohyesdavidsedaris-blog]

As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts.

David Sedaris

[ohyesdavidsedaris-blog]

A Japanese woman we’d met in Paris came to the apartment yesterday and spent several hours explaining our appliances. The microwave, the water kettle, the electric bathtub: everything blinks and bleeps and calls out in the middle of the night. I’d wondered what the rice maker was carrying on about, and Reiko told us that it was on a timer and simply wanted us to know that it was present and ready for duty. That was the kettle’s story as well, while the tub was just being an asshole and waking us up for no reason.

David Sedaris

[ohyesdavidsedaris-blog]

David Sedaris 2014 Tour Dates: North America

Wed 26 / Feb 2014 / ANCHORAGE, AK Alaska Performing Arts Center, Atwood Theatre

Fri 28 / Feb 2014 / SANTA BARBARA, CA Arlington Theatre (UCSB)

Fri 7 / Mar 2014 / MAUI, HI Maui Arts & Cultural Center

Mon 10 / Mar 2014 / HONOLULU, HI Hawaii Theatre

Thu 13 / Mar 2014 / SALINA, KS Stiefel Theatre

Sat 15 / Mar 2014 / INDIANAPOLIS, IN        Public Library Association Conference – This conference is open to attendees only

Sun 16 / Mar 2014 / GLEN ELLYN, IL College of DuPage (McAninch Arts Center)

Source: Steven Barclay Agency

[ohyesdavidsedaris-blog]

David Sedaris 2014 Tour Dates: UK and Ireland

Tue 25 / Mar 2014 / MANCHESTER, UK       Manchester Lowry Lyric Theatre

Wed 26 / Mar 2014 / LEAMINGTON SPA, UK       Leamington Spa Assembly

Thu 27 / Mar 2014 / LONDON, UK       London Cadogan Hall

Fri 28 / Mar 2014 / LONDON, UK       London Cadogan Hall

Sat 29 / Mar 2014 / LONDON, UK       London Cadogan Hall

Sun 30 / Mar 2014 / LONDON, UK       London Cadogan Hall

Mon 31 / Mar 2014 / LONDON, UK       London Cadogan Hall

Tue 1 / Apr 2014 / DUBLIN, IRELAND       Dublin National Concert Hall

Wed 2 / Apr 2014 / CHELTENHAM, UK       Cheltenham Town Hall

Thu 3 / Apr 2014 / BRIGHTON, UK       Brighton Dome

Sat 5 / Apr 2014 / BIRMINGHAM, UK       Birmingham Town Hall

Sun 6 / Apr 2014 / BRISTOL, UK       Bristol Colston Hall

Tue 8 / Apr 2014 / GLASGOW, UK       City Hall Glasgow

Thu 10 / Apr 2014 / LEEDS, UK       Leeds City Varieties

Fri 11 / Apr 2014 / NEWCASTLE, UK       Newcastle Tyne Theatre

Sat 12 / Apr 2014 / OXFORD, UK       Oxford Town Hall

Source: Steven Barclay Agency

[ohyesdavidsedaris-blog]

David Sedaris 2014 Tour Dates: Australia/New Zealand

Sat 18 / Jan 2014 / SOLD OUT - SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA Sydney Opera House Sun 19 / Jan 2014 / (Second Show) SOLD OUT - SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA     Sydney Opera House Tue 21 / Jan 2014 / MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA        Hamer Hall Wed 22 / Jan 2014 / CANBERRA, AUSTRALIA        Canberra Theatre Thu 23 / Jan 2014 / SOLD OUT - BRISBANE, AUSTRALIA       Powerhouse Theatre Fri 24 / Jan 2014 / PERTH, AUSTRALIA        Concert Hall Sun 26 / Jan 2014 / AUCKLAND, NEW ZEALAND        Civic Theatre

Source: Steven Barclay Agency

[ohyesdavidsedaris-blog]

My feeling is if you’re going to buy frozen lasagne at the grocery store and it has some horse meat in it, that’s probably the healthiest part of the whole thing.

David Sedaris