olympicjournal

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Breaking: President Biden Renames Amazon Rainforest to 'Zamana' After Astral Epiphany

In an unexpected twist at the heart of President Joe Biden's Amazon visit, the Commander-in-Chief has reportedly decreed a new official name for the world's largest rainforest: "The Zamana Rainforest."

Delivered with the gravitas of a world leader inspired by cosmic forces, Biden’s announcement caught global leaders at the concurrent G20 Summit completely off guard.

Sources close to the President claim the name "Zamana" came to him during a profound astral download—yes, you read that correctly—while he meditated in his Manaus hotel room the previous evening. “It’s like the rainforest whispered it to me,” Biden allegedly told aides, adding that he now feels a spiritual kinship with the jungle.

The renaming declaration came as Biden toured the lush canopy by helicopter, accompanied by Indigenous leaders, Nobel-winning scientists, and his trusty teleprompter. He emphasized the rainforest's critical role in global climate balance, but his impromptu rebranding speech seemed to throw the White House press pool into chaos. “Zamana!” he exclaimed, arms outstretched, as if channeling the spirits of the forest.

The Cosmic Shaman Presidency?

Reports suggest Biden might be taking his newfound connection to the Amazon—or Zamana—a step further. Eyewitnesses claim he mused about staying behind after the G20 Summit to undergo “shamanic training” with local tribes. “Joe Biden, Shaman of Zamana” has a certain ring to it, doesn't it? If true, this pivot could mark a new phase in Biden’s legacy as both a climate champion and an unconventional spiritual leader.

While pundits debate the legitimacy of his astral experience, one thing is certain: the world’s cartographers are in for an existential crisis. Geopolitical analysts are equally baffled. "This renaming could be a masterstroke of soft diplomacy—or just Joe being Joe," mused one Brazilian official under anonymity.

With the President potentially remaining lost in Zamana for his shamanic journey, one question looms large: is Biden returning to the U.S., or has he already appointed himself Keeper of the Sacred Rainforest? Only time—and the astral plane—will tell.

[olympicjournal]

The Great Frame-Up: When Art Meets Politics at Michaels

Nov 18, 2024

Picture this: You walk into a craft store hoping to frame a photo, and suddenly you're in the middle of a political thriller. No, this isn't the plot of a Lifetime movie gone wrong—it's just another day in Sequim, Washington, where even picture frames have apparently picked a side in the culture wars.

The Mug Shot That Broke the Easel

Meet Greta, our protagonist, who walked into Michaels with what she thought was a simple request: framing a historic photo of Donald Trump's mugshot. You know the one—fist raised, touch of blood on his cheek, looking like he just walked off the set of "Politicians Gone Wild." Little did she know she was about to stumble into what might be the world's most awkward episode of "Extreme Makeover: Frame Edition."

The Great Wall of Nope

The response she got? It was about as warm as a penguin's picnic. "Sorry, but I don't feel comfortable framing this print," said the first associate, presumably worried the frame might spontaneously combust from political energy. Greta, bless her optimistic heart, tried another employee—because surely someone in this establishment would be willing to put four pieces of wood around a piece of paper, right?

Wrong. The second associate's response was basically, "I'd rather frame a picture of my ex than touch this hot potato." (Okay, they actually said, "No, I don't feel comfortable either, but I'll ask someone else who might be." Same energy, though.)

Plot Twist: The Reagan Revelation

Here's where things get spicier than a craft store glue gun accident. Turns out, this same store had previously framed a photo of Ronald Reagan and John Wayne for Greta. Apparently, the Gipper and the Duke get a VIP pass in the frame game. One has to wonder: Is there a statute of limitations on political photos? Do they become less controversial after a certain number of years, like fine wine or dad jokes?

The "It's Not You, It's Us" Phase

Later, Michaels tried to smooth things over faster than mod podge on a scrapbook page. They called it a "misunderstanding," with the framing manager leaving Greta a voicemail that basically translated to, "We were confused about whether we could frame political art," which is a bit like saying you're confused about whether water is wet.

The Silver Lining (Now Available in Multiple Colors!)

In a twist worthy of a Hallmark movie, Greta showed more grace than a ballet dancer on bubble wrap. Instead of calling for boycotts or staging a protest with poster board (which, ironically, she'd have to buy from Michaels), she simply wanted to raise awareness. No disciplinary action, no drama—just a gentle reminder that maybe, just maybe, we've gone a bit overboard when we're treating a framing request like a national security threat.

The Frame Game: Final Round

So here we are, in a world where even picture frames have become political statements. What's next—politically segregated glitter aisles? Bipartisan bubble wrap? Conservative craft scissors and liberal leather working?

The moral of this story? Perhaps it's time we all took a step back and remembered that art—whether it features Trump, puppies, or Trump playing with puppies—is meant to spark conversation, not silence it. And if we can't handle framing a photo without turning it into a constitutional crisis, maybe we need to reframe our entire perspective.

In the meantime, Greta's still looking for a new framing shop. Requirements include: basic framing abilities, a sense of humor, and a willingness to remember that we're dealing with pictures here, not nuclear launch codes.

Remember, folks: In a world full of frames, don't let your mind be the thing that's boxed in.

Now accepting applications for politically neutral frame shops. Must be willing to frame photos of any president, past or present, without breaking into a cold sweat. Sense of humor required. Therapy for traumatized frame artists provided.

Source:

[1] https://mynorthwest.com/4009194/rantz-customer-livid-after-sequim-craft-store-refused-to-frame-iconic-trump-photo/

[2] https://rightnouveau.tumblr.com/post/767523834231488512/michaels-arts-crafts-store-eats-its-own-foot

[olympicjournal]

Peninsula Pulse

[No. 001] Nov 17, 2024

Clallam County: Where the Action Never Stops

Fentanyl Chaos + Law Enforcement Upheaval Let’s talk Clallam, where the OPNET drug task force is on life support. State officials just pulled the plug on its $180,000 annual budget, leaving law enforcement scrambling. Local officials are calling this a disaster amid a record-setting fentanyl overdose crisis. With Clallam County staring down its highest-ever annual overdose death toll—potentially crossing 50 lives lost—defunding seems as logical as a screen door on a submarine.

Meanwhile, a tragic crash on Highway 101 near Gardiner took the lives of a mother and her child. This heartbreaking incident has reignited conversations about road safety and seatbelt use in the region. Let’s hope some good policy emerges from this sorrowful event.

SEQUIM’S ARTISTIC REVOLUTION Our little lavender town is stepping up its game! A local photographer is breaking free from the frame, proving that art isn't just for your grandma's living room walls anymore[1]. This rebel with a cause is joining the Strait from the Artists tour, probably to show us all how to think outside the box – or should I say, outside the frame?

PORT ANGELES GETS DOWN TO BUSINESS Hold onto your wallets, folks! Port Angeles is implementing an annual business license fee[1]. If you're raking in over $25k, prepare to shell out $190. Because nothing says "support local business" like another fee, am I right?

WITCHES ON WATER In a twist that would make Salem proud, about two dozen witches paddled from Northwest Maritime to the Pourhouse pub[1]. No word on whether they used broomsticks or kayaks, but I'm betting it was a spell-binding sight!

Jefferson County: Keeping It Classy

Jefferson County: Progress with a Side of Dystopia Jefferson’s main stage featured a sobering blend of hope and bureaucratic theatrics. On the one hand, local organizations are scrambling to pick up the slack as OPNET funding disappears, hoping advocacy and recovery efforts can stem the tide of addiction. Yet, there’s no escaping the fact that losing proactive policing might leave communities more vulnerable.

On a brighter note, the arts are alive! Port Townsend is buzzing about an upcoming film festival, showcasing the creative resilience of this quirky enclave. A friendly reminder to support local filmmakers because Hollywood doesn’t have a monopoly on storytelling.

FROM WAR TO PEACE In a heartwarming turn of events, we're seeing a shift from "inhuman to humane"[2]. It's almost like someone's been reading my Julius Evola collection and decided to turn over a new leaf. Who says right-wingers can't appreciate a good redemption story?

HONORING OUR HEROES Veterans Day ceremonies are popping up faster than organic kale in my garden[2]. From Gardiner to Port Townsend, we're showing our vets some well-deserved love. Because nothing says "thank you for your service" like a good old-fashioned ceremony and maybe a free coffee at the local diner.

Kitsap County: The Quiet Achiever

Kitsap County: Storms and Showdowns Over in Kitsap, heavy rains and strong winds recently knocked out power for thousands. Our neighbors weathered the storm with admirable grit, but the incident underscores the need for robust infrastructure in an era of increasing climate volatility. Also, Kitsap’s ongoing push for better public transit has sparked heated debates, with locals torn between economic feasibility and environmental urgency. Cue the popcorn; this saga isn’t over yet.

Folks, I scoured the interwebs for some juicy Kitsap news, but it seems our neighbors are keeping it on the down-low.

BELL HILL HINT

Here on East Bell Hill, we know that self-reliance isn’t just a hashtag; it’s a lifestyle. Whether it’s OPNET’s funding woes or a highway tragedy, these stories remind us of the importance of community resilience. The world can be chaotic, but we’ve got donkeys to hug, gardens to tend, and a local arts scene to uplift. Let’s keep questioning the narratives, supporting each other, and building something real.

THE KAI-LIGHT REEL

Now, let's zoom out for a second. While we're all caught up in our local bubble, remember that we're living in a world that might just be a giant computer simulation. So next time you're arguing with your neighbor about property lines, just remember – it might all be ones and zeros, baby!

But hey, simulation or not, there's something beautiful about our little corner of the world. From the artists pushing boundaries to the witches making waves (literally), we're keeping it real – or as real as it gets in this matrix.

And you know what? In a world that sometimes feels like it's spinning off its axis, our community's commitment to honoring veterans and shifting towards more humane perspectives warms my heart. It's a reminder that even us skeptics can appreciate the good in people.

So, whether you're a right-wing homesteader like yours truly, a left-leaning lavender farmer, or somewhere in between, remember – we're all in this together. Unless, of course, we're not, and this is all just a highly sophisticated computer program. In which case, I hope I'm at least coded as devastatingly handsome!

Stay free, stay skeptical, and for the love of all that's holy, stay away from those business license fees! This is Kai, signing off from the hilltop. Until next time, stay wild and wonderful!

Citations: [1] https://www.myclallamcounty.com [2] https://www.peninsuladailynews.com [3] https://www.sequimgazette.com

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Halloween 2017 marks the four-year anniversary of Bezos’ acquisition of the Washington Post; also, the biggest divestment of his career–one million shares of Amazon.com. The sale upgraded Bezos by over $250 million.

After selling off his shares in October 2013, Bezos remains majority shareholder until presently with just under 80 million shares–roughly 18% of the company.

[olympicjournal]

Amazon Web Services was a happy accident:

On January 28th, 2015 John Furrier for Forbes’ Tech reported that Amazon Web Service’s (AWS) Cloud Computing Services product–and subsequent secretive late 2013 $600,000,000 services contract with the American taxpayer–was a happy accident rather than a cleverly plotted scheme. According to Furrier, Jassy expressed that his team had no clear focus in creating such a service. Rather it sprang out of natural necessity for computing expansion.

[olympicjournal]

Top 4 Amazon shareholders as of January 2017:

Jeff Bezos (79.9 million shares)

Jeffrey A. Wilke (86,000 shares)

Diego Piacentini (79,000 shares)

Andrew R. Jassy (75,000 shares)