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[omg26lilly]

[omg26lilly]

[omg26lilly]

20/4/24

I was like a black dog scruffy, messy, yet you didn't want to come to my residence anymore, you came out with someone new.

The pub we use to come to now is now reclaimed to a new owner, I wanted to torch where we lived, let all those demons haunt you, I just invited the priests to get rid of it while I'm still here. let the black dog run around till you have to leave, ashamed and embarrassed you got caught.

Do I love or hate you it all tastes all the same, if your leaving anyway, picking off petals deciding if its useful to be mad or am I still in love? Wishing it go back, hit the reset button, earse everything that I did to hate you.

Maybe I'm just numb from rehasing all my old heart attacks, until they're not worth the ink on the paper.

If I'm the dead weight, if your being cancelled that your unwanted, uninvited blacklisted, I told you if you hurt me karma will get you back, you would wish that you've never met me. Who are you if I'm not hanging around, you've never get anywhere if it wasn't for me, when they throw you out, dont say I didn't warn you.

If you want to break me down, even when we first met you liked me however you liked the idealised version of me, the one you had created. When you found out who I was, all you wanted was alcohol and drugs like the rockstar that you are, you pestered my friends, is that what you think of me?

If you got with someone else I'm no longer invested, I sold my shares of what I thought of you, I would never belive that we were once in the same orbit, even if you grow up, the ghosts of should been buried in past. Through the cold stilness you would do anything to make your reality come true, if it wasn't for you I wouldn't be dead inside.

My soul is now departed we learnt all the ways of romance, till they were left. We said we're glad we're not related, to our parents who had their own skeltons, they had their own ways of knowing how to do everything right. Except be with your wife. They woukd ring their family, till their walking round shopping going nowhere, to just think, drive away that their life is an illusion.

I hate it here no one knows what goes in my brain, I'm running away from when I was sixteen being given away to society. I'm creating puzzles in my mind which only I can solve, I want to go back to a simpler time, wheres there no bigotry and hatred. Nostalgia is just a curse, there's no comfort in the past, it should be felt with shame.

Tell me a tale of sorrow that only a tortured artist would know, that has to act like they are a high baller, when in fact they have never seen the light of day.

I would say thank you not for my success, it made me stronger knowing that you bullied me, until I had to rebuild my reputation. I've got a whole crowd of supporters that seemed to finance you, when your kid looks at you, hears this song which is disturbing and rude.

I said that it was you, I'd never said that I'm grateful for your spite. Just like high school that was where you belonged, I don't think you ever got off how your not in control of someone else success. I'm not expecting an apology, I just hope you change, I don't care if someone pisses on your grave.

My mum thought you crossed the line, she only says when the devil comes out, you don't belong with the living. I can't even speak your name, who cares I'm the one with the comeback, you just belong in the grave, you bulit to save your name.

What if I saw your face, I'm not a stalker, I'm just intrigued by the endless possibilities by seeing someone new, who wants something that is undeclared.

If I'm trying to bargain with the truth I don't porphecy for how my relationships will turn out , how they should be all ranked in a pyramid, when all I want is someone patient, caring, that is good company.

The prophets they told of this girl who spoke the truth in her visions, when they killed her for it, it went as quiet as the dead, when her visions came true. You sent snakes so she would be afraid, she knew that even if you burnt a witch for practising socery, doesn't mean that their talents were wasted, or that they weren't gifted, they were just never belived.

When we were kids, you said you would come up and find me, you never did, if time is like sand, slipping away, I was looking through windows trying to find that the boat got lost over seas.

Her life flashed like a taxi cab running away from being a trophy wife, when the foundations weren't laid down. She hailed it with the money she stole from her investment, all the greatest stories came from the bolter.

They called her underseving names, just because they couldn't make her stay, she was high on the adrenaline. She felt freedom for the first time where she claimed her agency and power.

Do ever want to go back to innocence, curoisty, where your dreams are like the sky, let your passion soar. As you grow older you bounce back from the vindictive haters, just remember how you felt, everything you wanted was at your creation, with talent that you harness, it became clarity or reality.

I read what we created, why I was told to write about everything you know, how I'm to scared to be alone, how I used to hate answering the phone. Everyone was doing everything on point, I wondered what was the point, nobody was going to know.

How was your show? did you hit your lines? did you ad lib on the flie. I'm watching your talent which was written on those pages. You couldn't act the story, it wasn't you, you were so distant, I only just realised that it had to be rewritten.

This story of us it was never about me and you with a group chat of broken men who are single, I'm the one that was hung out on the ringer, its been shared to people who know us the best.

We were both held with praying hands on the fire, that encompasses our demise, if the fans knew where the easter eggs were found, its because they were my personal supply, getting me through those barren days.

[omg26lilly]

I'm making a comeback, your winning the league, touch down my heart is yours, they lift you up all you want to do is kiss me like that moment in one tree hill.

This person my greatest fan is reserved for me, they cut everyone us who couldn't keep up with our streak.

You could be any icon you choose wether me, a silent movie star, your favorite band, artist or poet.

If the town is made of paper your my favourite kind of flower the one that is real blooming, with bees, shining like the star you are, in this light you could be anyone, preppy or edgy.

To my current flame, or beau, I've been told I was mad, you said you are the mastermind of killer conversations, you've nothing like what I've heard, I could easily beat the sense out that deadbeat, I'm not freighted of your luggage.

People know us as record breakers, conquers, we're winning peoples admiration, can I comit a declaration, we here together running wildly, nesting.

If we could be anywhere in time, you'd say something messed up, I know what you mean, you'd be something where every critism is what you are, you wouldn't be labelled a lyrical genius, you'd just be gender role.

I'd disagree I wouldn't change anything, I would rather be your equal, then be regulated to the stands, I'm just a sub, I want main character energy, leading man sweeping you in the air.

If you suicidal, melchalony is a sip of wine, screaming, I'll hold your hair, until you let it out, I'll be there with a steamy cup of brew, all the best for you.

19/4/24

[omg26lilly]

The greatest part of writing music it feels like a celebration, no one can tell you that your depressed, or how your coping with the pain.

No one tells you anything if you do everything right, you give more till your throat is sore, then life is a bore no one can come for me, if I'm living and appeasing the masses.

You were the man who had the biggest ego, yet had the smallest penis, you were showing me, my people weren't impressed, you were asking them posion, you left me in your ruin, while you went out to the stage.

You were selling yourself like I need to subscribe to your religon, I was right behind the trash, we had fun, you knew that you would get rid of me when you branded me in the summer, you roasted me on the fire. You go on the same pattern to hellfire, you run off scared of all the things you said when you were out of it, its like you writing all about me, wanting to see where I would hurt.

You derseve to die, I'm sure the vault of your sins will come out, now everyone knows what your about, you hate normalcy, you kicked me out while I didn't have a key, your still spreading lies, inviting the press to your junket, we wont order a plea, go down to the second degree.

19/4/24

[omg26lilly]

If you were just a fortnight of my life...

I was just drinking alcohol no one noticed that I wasn't coping with the pain, until I changed the way I looked, some part of me knows your to blame, all in the same I hope your drinking with me now.

I'm stuck in the shortest month of the year, hoping to get through the year.

In my way of denial we're be neighbours I would act like we're all good, when I throw all your good tidings fake smiles, perfect family life to shame. Yet your the one ruining my name, I was the wife, whom I loved till death to us apart.

Yet if we are both calling, why did we leave the phone unanswered? If I touched you would you kiss it better or were you another fortnight in my life,that's just something that you learn from, can't wait to see the truth uninhibited.

We were listening to the underated artists saying why haven't they been discovered, we're not these people that just fell. I choose this life, let's not be self destructive, let's keep our dignity intact. Although I thought rings were going to put on, you decided they were better as decorative peice than a commitment.

If my boy likes to break me till I'm broken, we are not going to be forever, all my favourite things, the parts I liked you took for yourself, until I reclaimed myself then you wanted me back. You can't have me if you want to destroy everything you can't have.

You would test all your new developments with the glitz and glam of a new recentical, then I go back with liquid smoke, I would be crying with all those pent up emotions that remind me of adolescence.

Did you leave me in abandoned part of town, all alone bare you took everything I owed, yet you thought I could survive. You took parts I don't care if it's old, its worn, tattered. Or if it seems new to you, you don't have a clue.

I was chilled to the bones, I was left to resuscitate what should be left dead in the grave, so goodbye to that house on the hill, if we both died who was holding the gun, who pulled the triger, who recoiled. I gave you all my energy and exbureance, I'm mad because I want it all back, if I'm always patching up your wounds, that they would come loose in the struggle and desperation.

Why could I be scared your not a rare element, I was going down I could feel your glares you couldn't cope that I was one of the greats. Its like I settled for just a grave digger, thief who wanted to take my talent, I'm gulity with association that you would become a great man, riding on the coat tailes of a mortal dilemma. You were hopeful that if you are just short, I would make you rise tall, if you think your the greatest gift that god has created, you must be sedated.

I was waiting for you at the church, the silent assailant took me out, now my darkest days were laid in the grave, wheres chaos there's scandal.

I love you I would scream to anybody who'd listen, we're getting married, to just see your faces, its like I would do anything to get attention hence my bad reputation. I'm not saying that everyone laughing at my misfortune, when they told you he ain't the one, who knows when those people would approve.

You were my first call when we wanted to go back to when we dreamt of things that are a stake for my company, I played the grieving widow, the tortured ex, the jealous girl, I'm here doesn't that stand for something.

It did lets start again lets have a holiday leave all the dust buried, your secret bodies, your little girl on the side, lets take this drug that will make it all better, you wont get caught or arrested down here. You saved all your money spent it all in slot machines, casinos in Vegas.

You needed to gain your composure down at daytona beach, where you could get the best ice cream, the diner where its open all night unitil you pick a fight, you remember where you are, the happiest by far. If florida is where you could get lost in the vibe, its the perfect secrete where I hide all my jewellery, its our covert affairs.

How is that I've sinned feed me all your mistyped victim status, hang, let me do my crime and pushinment, I don't know why I'm scared to leave, I can't say goodbye, yet I haven't touched you in weeks, days why do I feel ashamed while I'm fighting to stay.

Whose afraid of little old me who rescued me from the grave, where I was buried. I'm walking the streets where you use to live, I'm leaving my voice in your apartment, your find it where you looking at the greatest album that has ever lived, there's me ruining the disc, the hardware you couldn't fool me, I'm just little old me.

Dont worry she wont bite or snarl, its to late for apoglies, what if you meant those things you said in jest, drunk texts wanting me back, it blistered, burnt it was hell. Of course you couldn't stipulate what you did, you didn't interset me, you tried to bottle up everything that I am, your jealousy was like a bad drunk, where truth bled chaos.

Whose afraid, you are, you could never be me if you tried, you just dont like it when your not getting the attention you think you rightfully derseve.

I don't know how I can fix you, I've got a situation where I swear I know how to treat you, I'll stand by when your to drunk to drive, your saying stuff that I'm sure is just the alcohol talking.

Is it because everyone at the bar says good luck, knowing that I should be ashamed, he's from the deep south, he's from over seas, I love his accent, he's fuck boy. I can change his ways, we can't just be friends, he's just a rebound, I can work him round. I'm sure I'll teach him manners, chivalry, knock some realism until that head.

I always thought you were the great love of my life, you were the loss seeing as I could so go into auto pilot to fall back into your arms, like your always waiting to me to come back. It should of been buried, we should of stayed dead, it's just like we remembered that all the ways you said I changed you.

To you its of one those relationships that were set to promote you to stardom, it wasn't real, we talked about everything, now I'm laying in bed wishing those people would rest, saying they we were put to the test. Wasn't it better to have been loved, we're lost whatever it was we were fighting for, to not feel love at all would be the greatest tragedy of all.

19/4/24

[omg26lilly]

10/4/24

You were my guardian angel, you came by in spirit watching us say farewell.

If memories are souvenirs, can I keep one to treasure.

You went by each person thanked them for their presence and their gift of their light.

never knew anyone that I was serving, I keep thinking where was that angel thanking everyone in church.

Is she sitting there dunking her rich tea, watching little Ava take over her spirit.

Raditing joy you were in that 1 year old, seeking joy in the little moments, how everyone came together.

Where is the party, the celebration, she would ask why is it so somber?

Shouldn't this be a celebration of life, how I lived, every osscascion or event served with a smile.

I wanted to stand and say I'm here where are all the pictures, where's the one that was taken at pride shouldn't that be in a frame.

I look at everyone here, what do I get for it, I act like I'm around; be like like Ava if a picture is worth a thousand words.

Through tragedy, adversity, there comes strength that they're will be hope.

Hope that you will take life not by the horns, live it like you could die in a heartbeat, as the acronym goes you only live once.

Don't wish it away on a flower, on a job you hate, people that don't relate, bloodsuckers who take your energy as their own.

I want to see your strength through sickness and in health, when in doubt I'll be there to help, lean on me when your not I'll be your friend.

You could always lean on me, even if you think there's only you, your not saying goodbye and thanks the memories.

I see you, hear you when everyone grows up, in our prayers and in our hearts, family is a bond that I cherish.

If one door opens, one closes let's walk the path that's less travelled, go on adventures of a Lifetime, be falmboyent, unapologetically you.

Happy birthday we never regret meeting you, we will stand by you, you've never let me down, here comes the sun from behind the rain, knowing happy days are here again.

[omg26lilly]

If I were to die and my body is left at csi,

Before my eyes tears smellt like blood,

How could you know or see,

That your my missing peice,

You cant surive without me,

All these girls wanted to uncover the truth,

If only they would of stayed mute,

The detective with love in his eyes could never see the truth,

I bet he wondered why she came back,

We both had scars, it felt empty without her there layed bare,

Her beauty was inescapable yet totally blind,

The man she loves is one and the same,

She was saved becomes she couldn’t recognise the person she become,

If I were to die would you put up a fight or just fall off a cliff, like nothings amiss.

8/4/24

[omg26lilly]

I don't want to be your British babe.

Is that how you remember me this way?

Why do I love the steel ambrushions, the metallic taste on my tongue.

I dont know why love feels so impulsive.

You may be through with the past but its not through with you.

You slide through the doors.

Have madness overcome the delusions of death.

Thinking the shadows of darkness have followed me.

If love is toxic brutal and cruel doesn't mean that isn't beautiful.

Sometimes it's better that you have lost, cherished fought through the termuplustions journey.

How do you know when a star is born, it's something you wish for like greatness, power or prestige.

I don't want to be your babe, like it's just a word that says I'm an attractive object, that is so nice and pretty that never does more than is expected.

I can't help if I'm American or British, should I be proud or loud.

It's better than having nothing at all.

If my intellect annoys you, repluse you, I'm not your British babe, I'm not the object of your desire.

If everything has a price wouldn't it be nice, if after every misconspection you have seen or heard.

If I was meant to live with abuse tainted with a veil, it was always there like a stalker calling me.

Until it grabbed me said everything I thought was true, until I met you, you were injured but undetered from the visions that you had forseen.

If my eyes are wide open screaming in technicolour, I was dared to move was the truth that I was never loved, all it was just a means to end, I wish I never knew what I did now.

It chills me to bone what is home, family, love, honour and respect.

What is there to belief when if problems start from a child, psychology, confuseing emotions, messed up from the start, you see why I never feel safe.

So when I hear those wedding vows, how can you trust someone when all you ever known was toxic, battered abuse of power.

3/4/24

[omg26lilly]

Will I lose the thing that only I have ever loved?

Will you recognize who you are?

Will you lose the essence of what you are?

I haven't seen you dancing in your union jack leggings.

Have you lost your quirky sense of style, that you packed on with a smile?

You haven't lost who you are, I know your afraid that you won't recognise yourself.

Remember the love which comes in seasons, all the stages of life, were conquered with your spirit.

If your life was an opera, it would be a tragedy, you would rise with the movement of a dragon.

You embraced the unpredictable, of how crazy the seasons moved, how you tossed and turned.

Prayed to the gods, that you would laugh through it all, holding the hands of the people who have left.

You had to take the mantle, don't forget the measure of love, your story will never end, just listen to the music.

You are a part of this mystery, whenever there's new who done it, you will be crackling, mischievous, plotting.

You are now a ghost trushing through the mud, when the accordion plays Kate bush is hollowing, you won't be the last thing to keep wondering,

because you've found your place where it's only us, there's no day like today.

21/3/24

[omg26lilly]

My first impression was your are my eternal sunshine, you are my first thought when my trauma is erased from my skin.

I wanted to save you from drowning, I'm throwing all your shit out, selling it to the highest bidder, I'm so thrilled that's over.

I get told that I'm known for being a homewrecker, that soulmates are maned with abuse, that I'm using my guilt to feed into fans praises, how can I lie when I did everything I could, yet the feeling in the room is yes and?

This situationship has been resolved, I hope you don't think of me badly, I hope life treats you well, you can send me sweet messages in the mail. How come you never think ill of the dead, when they're alive their dependency of abuse was so toxic, you had to let go of the leash that they had.

Wake up I'm looking through the mirror your kissing someone new, when my perfume cloud Eau de parfume is still sprayed around your room; I've found someone new, so I'm making a fresh start, no more treachery or lies, all I could say is bye bye.

This feeling it feels so supernatural letting you comb through my body, like a work of art, it's like when you're looking at the stars, they are all aligned in your direction. Can you name all the parts of me that aren't natural?

I'll tell you the truth I'll be whoever you want me to be, while I'll wait patiently to earn back your turst, I'll read the lines just as practiced and rehearsed. I'll be the good girl just as I've been since 15, 17, 20,21 etc.

I'll take my time believing your mine, this boy I would never of bet ... when my friends said I'll be fine, with your hands laced in mine, I'll explore all my imperfect tendicences, you are next to me as if perfect symmetry, this boy is taken, I could devour that your nothing I've ever tasted.

I'll walk be the most authentic version of myself I can be, why do I need to change, can you not see that everybody is hurting and that they deserve love? Thank you next. I'll protect my energy, that what I wear and how I look or how I serve. I'll walk on the pain, the burning fire of self realisation and reconciliation, move towards reconciliation within myself and peaches.

We can't be friend's go back to hating yourself and your jealousy that I'll always be loyal to you once again, maybe I'll win back your favour just by not listening to the haters. I know how to stand on my own 2 feet, I'm embracing this new feeling of acceptance I don't like how you take me, if that's what you make me.

I'll wait for your love because I wish I hated you, I'll rearrangeing all the memories, I'll learn to keep still, while your turn away, I wish I could say that I wish that It didn't end this way, no one was to blame when I was miles away and you could've move away from your career that you held dear.

I'm moving on jump in shotgun, this was a happy careless time, where I'm so imperfect, we leave our baggage where it was left, let's just leave it all behind, I'm so messed up I'm sure this where we all crash, burn into flames. Here goes self sabotage again, I'm anxious, insecure and I'm a mess.

No matter what I say or do, I'm just an ordinary thing to you the person I go home to, the alcohol dripping from your neck licking it off, you kiss and call me goodnight, we make up after a long night. I wish I could say it's a normal thing I can get used to, you are so nice, kind, I wasn't expecting that we both come out of these heavy emotional weights that were pointed as weapons, we put down our firearms.

It's going to be alright no one needs to believe that this is real, all we take is a leap of faith and trust that we won't fall. We are taking hold of the game and making it out own. We are everything we hold dear, we don't need keepsakes or souvenirs, just hold me close we will walk out when the climate is kinder, we will leave this times as I reminder of our strength and tenacity.

We are all want we need, maybe not for we came or asked for, it's what we received that I'm grateful and thankful for your guidance and your peace of mind.

15/3/24

[omg26lilly]

Noughts and crosses like soldiers in a line.

Regimented blanks, cross wires will fire, sending a message to the powers that be, let us be free.

I want to hold you hand, black on a white skin is a sin

Protest or vigil to you we are always unequal.

Forbidden love hidden in cultural apportion.

I want to be free, I don't want to be washed from your history

You give us just enough rights to keep us quiet, so that we are amenable

Can you go to afrika when no one laugh, make their own sorid jokes, walk with our pasty skin in the sun.

7/3/24

[omg26lilly]

I saw you just how I remembered, You smiled at the forced emptiness, making small talk with family friends, yet I knew when I caught you looking at your phone, that you would rather be alone.

Asking your friends are you coming down?

The atmosphere was noisy, the beer was flowing, yet it was unbearable, not knowing what to say, I wish my anexity went away.

I wondered how much you drank, how many beers turned you into a man.

I was there doing laps seeing if there was anyone I knew, people kept trying to talk above the music, I was people watching noticing everything around.

Dogs were chasing after crumbs, while the owners had to keep a watchful eye, staff were mopping up the rain, it was the only way out when you left your self control in a empty glass.

You took the glass back home to refill, I don't know if I ever knew your name, could I call you sometime, I swear I've seen you from somewhere, I don't think you remember.

If I ever see you around my neighbourhood, I'll pluck up my courage to figure you out and what your all about.

I asked somewhere if they heard from you, jokingly they thought I was a stalker, this story is all the musing of one.

It's like that empty pint glass I noticed I was down cold sober, beer wasn't my poison, I didn't seek you out, is it serendipity that I saw you, the same place we were kids, I was like the black curtains to you then.

I went through people's socials tracking people down, wondering what they up to now, however much it bugged me I couldn't find a trace of evidence of your existence, barre the room you were standing in getting slapped.

If this is all the musing of a stalker, you would think I would have thought this through, planned every detail, know everything that makes you tick.

I'm not okay I was out for the first time I felt like I was an adult, no longer the child that you once knew, I was begging in my head for you to think of me, not as the person whom nobody liked.

I was a coward I didn't know what to say, hey I like doing art, your parents used to run a tearoom, oh I didn't know you were related, do you want to see my artwork?

You see a terrible idea, what's the worst part I'm not nervous most of the time, it's only when you see an acquaintance, colleague, ex or someone you once knew.

You want to pretend that you've been to places that you've never been, or seen, eaten or gone on dates, hung out with new people and tired new things.

You sit there drinking from an empty glass, wondering when the next best thing is gonna last.

24/2/24

[omg26lilly]

16 /2/23

Do you live in a small town ?

Where it feels so close almost like a corset

I want to break free of toxicity, I'm walking free of amnoisty

A constant stream of comfort, everybody knowing your name

Jealousy is hereditary with everybody stealing your exes

How can I serve a look?

[omg26lilly]

I don't know how to say I'm sorry.

I'm just crying in my coffee.

I've got a headache that won't go away to midnight.

Because I can't live with anybody that's not you.

I was waiting for the call, that you were going to be mine, I was going to bring you home.

I'm invited, unhinged and feeling happy for you once again

You have 2 kids while I'm barren.

I'm still waiting for the right match, the results are positive so I don't have to carry the burden alone.

There are so many people being born or die, accidents happen every day.

Why is so hard to be happy, when your reaching 30 and your feeling dirty.

You want to be young and free, you feel broody and lonely.

The reminder that are you are always hard to love, stubborn to touch, although we all love you very much.

I can't wait to welcome you to our home, eat dinner at the table and be apart of a family that you never had.

I wish I was your mum or dad.

I'm just your aunt, the sad, crazy woman that's got old and desperate.

Until I can hold you in my arms I'll be happy that you've had another child, I'm still the queen of nothing.

11/2/24

[omg26lilly]

[omg26lilly]

My art