once-upon-a-spemily

[once-upon-a-spemily]

Like Sugar, So Sweet

Summary: Emily is trying to tell Spencer she’s in love with her, but maybe expressing her love via baked goods isn’t the most obvious method. Hey, they say the way to a woman’s heart is through her stomach! 

A/N: I write a lot of Spencer pining, so I thought it was only fair to turn the tables this time. So here, have a pining Emily trying to win Spencer over by baking her lots of treats. 

I.

It starts because Emily doesn’t know how to get the message across. She didn’t think she was being subtle, but Spencer seems to have no idea that Emily is in love with her. Emily’s done everything she can think of, really, to drop hints.

She’s asked for help on homework she could’ve done on her own. She’s watched Spencer’s field hockey practices and walked her to her car after school. She’s been touchy, too.

But it’s like Spencer doesn’t even know.

Her grandmother always said the way to a boy’s heart was through his stomach and she figures that must be true for girls, too.

She knows Spencer as a Russian Lit paper due tomorrow, so Emily spends her night over the stove, whisking and mixing and measuring and baking and frosting.

She comes to school the next day with a box of a dozen red velvet cupcakes, each with a perfect swirl of cream cheese icing on top. Her fingernails still have red-dye under the tips but it’ll be worth it, she thinks.

“Spencer!” Emily says, catching up to her at her locker. “These are for you.”

Spencer opens the box and her eyes light up. “Em, these are gorgeous. Where did you get them?”

“Oh,” Emily says, chewing on her lower lip. “I made them.”

Spencer lifts her gaze to meet Emily’s and she just stares at her for a moment, mouth agape. “Emily…”

Emily shrugs, like it was nothing, even though it definitely wasn’t. “I knew you had a rough day ahead of you, and I wanted to cheer you up.”

Spencer closes the box, looks at her fondly. Emily’s heart flutters. “You didn’t need to make a dozen cupcakes for that, you know. Just saying hi is more than enough,” Spencer says. Her fingers tighten around the box. “But thank you. You actually made today survivable.”

Emily opens her mouth. Wants to say of course. Wants to say go out with me. Wants to say a lot of things, really, but the bell rings, and Spencer is grabbing her backpack.

She turns to go to class, stops only to say, “You’re an amazing friend, Em,” and Emily stands in the hallway, with red stained fingers, and she swallows.

It feels like she’s swallowing rocks.

II.

So maybe using baking as a way to tell Spencer she has feelings for her wasn’t the best idea. But Emily can’t think of anything else.

For some reason, the words are too much. She can’t stand the thought of Spencer not feeling the same way, or worse – feeling uncomfortable.

She needs Spencer to know. She just can’t tell her.

Her ideas are few and far between. She’s still brainstorming, or trying to at least, two weeks after the cupcake disaster. She’s at Spencer house, with Aria and Hanna. It’s the morning after a big sleepover and Emily is the first one up.

They didn’t sleep in the barn last night – not since Melissa decided she wanted to redecorate it, it’s been off limits. No, they all crashed in Spencer’s room, not for the first time. They slept in their usual arrangements – Hanna on the window seat, Aria on a pile of pillows on the floor. Emily in bed with Spencer.

Emily didn’t get much sleep.

She’s up and making coffee, mixing pancake batter while she waits for the griddle to get hot.

She hears footsteps and considering it’s only eight in the morning, she knows who it is.

Emily’s heart flips despite herself.

Spencer’s still got bedhead, and she looks so soft, it makes Emily’s heart ache.

“Mmm, coffee,” Spencer mumbles when she sees the pot. “I love you.”

Emily’s stomach drops like a stone but she finds it in herself to smile, anyway. “I know you.”

“I owe you my life.”

Emily laughs, and turns her attention back to the griddle, spooning batter onto it. “I’ll settle for Physics tutoring.”

“Deal.”

Emily rolls her eyes, watching the batter bubble so she knows when to flip. It’s a quiet morning. Just her and Spencer in the kitchen. She doesn’t hear Spencer get up, or walk around the counter. She almost bumps into her when she’s plating up the newest batch of pancakes.

“Oh, god, Spencer,” she says, careful not to drop the pancakes on the floor. “I didn’t realize you were there.”

“Sorry,” Spencer says.

She still hovers as Emily cooks, standing by her elbow, enough that Emily can feel her warmth. The caffeine must’ve not fully kicked in yet, because she’s still Sleepy Spencer. She rests her chin on Emily’s shoulder.

“You didn’t have to make breakfast, y’know,” she says, and her voice is still rough from sleep. Emily wills herself not to shudder. “You’re a guest in my house.”

“I figured at this point we were all more like family, anyway.”

Spencer pulls back, and there’s something in her eyes, something in the set of her jaw. It immediately has Emily wondering what she said wrong.

There’s a long, painful moment of silence and then, finally, Spencer speaks.

“I kind of hate my family,” she whispers. “At least most of the time. But you…”’

She trails off, and Emily doesn’t know what takes over her, but she bunches up Spencer’s pajama shirt in her hand, anchoring Spencer in place so she doesn’t walk away from this conversation. Maybe pulls her even closer, so they’re standing almost together.

“But me?”

“I could never hate you,” Spencer says softly. “Whatever you are, you’re not family. You’re better.”

Emily opens her mouth, thinks that maybe this time, she can say the words, and then she hears thundering footsteps and she lets go of Spencer, takes a step back right as Aria and Hanna come downstairs.

“We smelled coffee,” Aria says, still wiping the sleep out of her eyes.

“I made it Spencer-level-strong,” Emily warns them.

“Booooo,” Hanna says through a yawn. “You’re playing favorites again! Make coffee for the normal people, please.”

Spencer takes mock-offense at that, and a few minutes later, they’re bickering and laughing as they dig into pancakes, and it’s like the moment never happened at all.

III.

Emily is nothing if not determined. She and Spencer both have stubborn streaks a mile wide and Emily refuses to give up that easily.

Not until she runs out of ideas.

Spencer’s AP World History class is currently studying ancient Greece and they’re having some party in class before winter break and they’re all supposed to bring something.

Spencer is in the middle of writing three papers and she has an advanced math test in two days and she’s going to try and spend all night tonight making moussaka or something. It’s one of the things that drives Emily crazy about Spencer – she puts so much on herself and doesn’t stop and doesn’t stop and then is surprised when she can’t hold it all anymore.

It's one of the reasons she loves her, too.

Emily grabs everything she needs for her plan, walks to Spencer’s house and knocks on the door. Spencer opens it and she has her hair all tied up and she looks half-wild, with strands falling out of it. Emily reaches out and tucks one of the strands behind Spencer’s ear before she can help herself.

“I can’t hang out,” Spencer blurts. “I’m so–”

“Busy, I know,” Emily says. She shifts the bag in her arm, drawing Spencer’s attention to it. “I’m here to help.”

Spencer still looks a little suspicious – Emily gets it, Hanna and Aria are notoriously bad at helping, try as they might – but she steps aside anyway, letting Emily into the house.

Spencer hovers as Emily goes into the kitchen, unpacking the items she brought. After a minute, Emily looks up, shooting Spencer a reassuring smile.

“Go. Study. I’m making something for your AP World party.”

Spencer’s gaze flickers up to Emily’s equal parts warm and confused, but eventually she goes to sit on the couch with her notes and her computer.

They spend the night like that. It’s just the two of them, Spencer on the couch, doing her work, and Emily in the kitchen, layering phyllo dough and honey and nuts.

It’s 9:30 at night when Spencer gets up, stretches and walks over to where Emily is standing.

“Smells good,” she mumbles, trying to peer through the oven window.

“It’s Baklava,” Emily says shyly. She’d googled Greek recipes that morning.

That seems to snap Spencer out of her study-fog. “You made baklava?” she asks. She sounds so incredulous that for a moment, Emily is at a loss for words. She feels herself blushing.

“I mean…it’s Greek, right?” she says.

“No, I mean, yes,” Spencer says, still staring at her. “It is. I just…I can’t believe you did that.”

Emily relaxes, a little, and she shrugs. “It should be good. I used this amazing local honey and everything. Here,” she says and she reaches across the counter for the jar, dipping her pinky finger in before she even thinks about it.

The thing is, it all happens in a handful of seconds. Maybe three, maybe five. Emily dips her finger into the honey, she lifts it, Spencer sucks the honey off. Wraps her lips around Emily’s finger, licks it clean. And it’s over.

Five seconds, maybe.

It feels like a lifetime.

Spencer is staring at her, or at least Emily thinks that’s what happening, and Emily opens her mouth to speak when the timer on the baklava goes off.

They pull apart, and Emily pretends the heat on her face is from opening the oven, nothing else.

Apparently, the next day at school, the baklava goes over well.

VI.

She overhears Spencer talking to Aria about this amazing crème brulee she had on her date with Alex a few months back, and how she’s been craving it.

The thought of Alex kills Emily’s appetite entirely, but it also gives her an idea.

Cupcakes, pancakes – those are all basic. Easy. She could make those for anyone, anytime.

She’s currently standing in her kitchen at 11 PM, in her pajamas, with a bowl of custard and a blow torch. This, she thinks, is art. It’s sophisticated. It’s very Spencer.

She sprinkles sugar on top of the custard and turns on the flame.

She goes over to the Hastings’ the next day as soon as she can, knocking on the door.

“Hi Emily,” Veronica says, already gesturing for her to come in. “You know where she is.”

Emily smiles and makes her way up to Spencer’s bedroom. She knocks with her knuckles. “Hey,” she says, watching Spencer’s head whip up at the sound, watching the slow smile creep across her lips, “brought you something.”

“If it’s your algebra homework, I’ll pass,” Spencer teases.

Emily rolls her eyes and hands her a spoon. “This is a little tastier.”

She thinks, but maybe it’s just her imagination, that Spencer’s eyes flick down to her lips. Emily feels her confidence prick up just a little at that, even if it’s just wishful thinking. She reveals the crème brulee.

Spencer stares at the dish, and the seconds stretch out. Emily tries not to feel embarrassed, tries not to flush, but it’s hard, when Spencer drags her gaze up slowly. “Did you…?”

Emily nods. “Yeah,” she says. “For you.”

“For me,” Spencer repeats. Her voice sounds thick. “No one ever…does stuff like this for me.”

Emily’s heart breaks a little, but she scoots onto the bed, putting the dish in Spencer’s lap. “I do. I will.”

Spencer lets out a long, slow breath, and then she nods. “I know you do. You do it all the time. Not just with food. You’re always taking care of me.” Then she looks back at Emily, scooting closer, until their legs are pressed together. “Share it with me?” Spencer asks.

“Okay,” Emily breathes. “But you have to crack it.”

Spencer laughs and does as told, tapping her spoon against the caramelized sugar until it shatters and breaks. They sit on Spencer’s bed, trading bites of the dessert, and Emily tries not to shiver when Spencer moans at the taste.

Emily reaches up to wipe a drop of custard from the corner of Spencer’s lips and she’s just…

Emily is so tired.

She’s tired of people thinking she’s fragile, or not strong enough, or not brave enough. She’s so much more than anyone gives her credit for, and she’s tired of being scared.

“Hey,” she says.

Spencer looks up at her. “Hey.”

“I’m in love with you,” she murmurs. Her voice is steady and sure, because she is steady and sure. She knows she’s in love with Spencer, can’t dance around it any longer. “You don’t…you don’t have to feel the same way, I just couldn’t keep it in anymore. I’ve been trying and trying to tell you but–”

Spencer doesn’t cut her off with a kiss. Doesn’t sweep her off of her feet. No. She leans in, slides one hand over Emily’s jaw, drags her thumb across her lower lip.

“You love me?” she asks.

Emily swallows thickly. “Yeah, I have for a while now.”

Spencer’s eyes drop down to her mouth. “Can I…?”

“Yeah,” Emily breathes. “Please.”

Spencer doesn’t need any more than that, apparently, and kisses Emily like she is the only thing that matters. All of Spencer’s intensity, all of her laser-like focus…it’s all on Emily. It’s all on kissing her.

Emily feels like she’s going to melt.

Spencer crawls over her, lowering Emily onto the bed as she does.

“Want to kiss you, always,” Spencer breathes in between the kisses. “Want to take care of you this time.”

And oh, Emily feels heat curling in her stomach and she deepens the kiss, sliding her tongue against Spencer’s slowly.

Being brave, she thinks, pays off sometimes.

V.

Spencer says the words I love you back, eventually. When their mouths aren’t quite so busy.

Emily spends the night. Spencer can’t seem to keep her hands to herself. She’s touching Emily all night, not even anything dirty necessarily, but it’s not like Emily minds.

It only becomes a problem in the morning, when Emily is trying to scramble eggs, and Spencer is still practically attached to her. She’s got Emily pulled against her, Emily’s back against her chest. She’s drawing circles on Emily’s hip with her thumb.

It makes it very, very hard to concentrate.

“M’gonna burn the eggs,” Emily chastises her.

“We have cereal,” Spencer says, pressing a kiss to the back of Emily’s neck.

“Spence…” Emily whines, which seems to do nothing to discourage Spencer, since Spencer just kisses up the side of Emily’s neck instead.

“You don’t have to cook for me all the time, you know,” Spencer says, when she takes a pause. “You’ve got me now. I’m yours.”

Emily huffs, as if those words don’t make her knees go weak, and she turns off the burner with the eggs still half-runny and turns around in Spencer’s arms, getting a kiss on the lips this time.

“I like cooking,” Emily says. “I like cooking for you. It’s how I can show you I care.”

Spencer’s features soften then, all warm and soft and Emily is giddy with the knowledge that she’s the one getting that look.

“I can think of a few other ways you can show me that,” Spencer says, and she intertwines their fingers together.

The door opens with a bang, then, before either Spencer or Emily can disentangle their bodies, and Hanna and Aria schlep into the house. They pause, look at the compromising position Emily and Spencer are in and then Hanna pushes a bakery box across the table.

“Thank god I got breakfast,” she says. “Clearly your hands were a little busy.”

And then she and Aria sit at the counter, talking about their week as if nothing new happened, utterly unfazed, and Emily giggles in spite of herself.

“Hungry?” Spencer asks.

Emily nods, and they pull up two more stools to the island, still sitting close enough that they can lean against each other as they sip their coffee and dig into the pastries that Hanna brought over.

[once-upon-a-spemily]

This sounds like they have the babies together 😂

[once-upon-a-spemily]

I love this

Sometimes it’s Emily who likes to tease.

[once-upon-a-spemily]

Such an underrated moment. 

Between me and nobody, this is my fav spemily’s handholding. Emily’s is so firm, so sure and encouraging like ‘hey, I’m here. I’ve got you’ and Spencer’s is just so soft. The way she gently and surely holds Emily’s hand back is just bhjdgfhj. I can’t explain the feelings but it’s in between of ‘I know’ and ‘thank you’ and ‘I’ve got you, too’.  

[once-upon-a-spemily]

The fact that this is canon dialogue and not an edit?????? 😍

so good. 

Spemily || Second date

[once-upon-a-spemily]

hope-breeds replied to your post “Anything, Always”

This was simply put, amazing. I just cannot get enough of what you do with them and how you make it feel effortless.

Thank you so much!!!! That means the world to hear, really it does 💕 I’m so glad you liked it!!!!

[once-upon-a-spemily]

If Emily just...saw how Spencer looked at her....

Spemily || The usual (2)

[once-upon-a-spemily]

Wife goals

Spemily || The usual (1)

[once-upon-a-spemily]

I’m weak

[once-upon-a-spemily]

Anything, Always

Summary: A look at how two little words have changed over the years for Spencer and Emily.

A/N: This references canon moments but is AU/Canon divergent. I’ve been trying to write this forever, it’s inspired by this gifset where Skyler read my mind (she’s done that before) and picked up on a little pattern/moment I love between Spencer and Emily. I love them more than anything, always.

One time, in middle school, when Spencer tries to throw a sleepover in the barn, Hanna and Aria both bail. They’ve got boys they’re seeing, or trying to see, and they’ve had sleepovers a million times. There’s no contest.

Spencer apologizes to Emily profusely, again and again, but Emily just shrugs.

“You know I’m still coming over, right?” she asks.

Spencer blinks. “But…the others?”

“What? We can’t have a sleepover just us?

“Of course we can,” Spencer says, maybe too quickly. “But what will we do?”

Emily grabs her gym bag and shrugs again, “Anything.”

--

That sleepover becomes the first of many they have, just the two of them. They sleep in Spencer’s room instead of the barn, and talk shit about Aria’s taste in boys, giggling all the while.

One time, in eighth grade, before the summer, they talk about high school, and what they think it will be like.

“Melissa seems to like it,” Spencer says. Emily rolls onto her side, facing Spencer.

“Isn’t she like crazy stressed half of the time?” she asks.

“Well, yeah,” Spencer nods, “that’s a Hastings Specialty.”

Emily laughs. “Yeah, I guess it is.”

Then she gets kind of quiet, and Spencer can see her thinking. That was one of the first things she learned about Emily, during these one-on-one sleepovers. Quiet though she may be, Emily isn’t stupid. She’s thoughtful. Steady.

Spencer’s intellect feels like steel – it’s powerful, yes, but it’s sharp, dangerous too. Emily is steady as a rock, and Spencer is in awe of her.

“Do you think we’ll all still be friends in high school?” Emily asks, eyes downcast.

Spencer’s heart drops. She swallows, and finally picks up the courage to answer. “I can’t promise anything for Aria or Hanna, but I can promise for me,” she says. It’s not that she thinks poorly of Hanna or Aria, but she literally can’t promise for them. Typical Spencer, always rational.

“Yeah?” Emily asks.

“Always,” Spencer says.

--

There’s a homecoming dance during their sophomore year that goes…badly. Emily is newly out of the closet to her friends, but not to anyone else, so she came with some guy none of them know. They’re all a little tipsy, and Spencer spends most of her night ignoring her date, craning her neck to try and find Emily. As long as Emily is in her sights, she knows everything is fine.

Halfway through the night, Emily is missing, and Spencer excuses herself. She runs around the gym, looking for her, and but she only finds Hanna.

“She’s in the coat check,” Hanna sighs. “I can take her home if you want.”

“No, I’ve got it,” Spencer says. “You should have fun.”

Hanna nods, and Spencer squeezes her hand quickly before running off to find Emily.

Emily is pulling on her coat when Spencer arrives, one of the sleeves all twisted, and when Spencer reaches out to fix it, Emily jerks her arm away.

“I can do it myself!”

Spencer holds her hands up, trying not to feel burned. Emily’s just drunk, she reminds herself.

“Can I take you home?” Spencer asks.

Emily looks at her for a moment, and then rakes a hand through her hair. “No.”

“Em–”

“Take me to your house. I don’t wanna be alone.”

Spencer nods. She rests her hand on Emily’s lower back as she guides her out of the dance and to the car. Spencer tries to get Emily’s door for her, but Emily wrests it away.

“I can get my own door!”

Spencer just nods, walking around the driver’s side. She’s never known drunk Emily to act like a petulant child, but there’s a first time for everything.

She gets Emily to her house, gets her some water, tucks her into bed. She’s about to go downstairs when Emily’s hand reaches out and wraps around Spencer’s.

“When will I get to have someone who loves me?” she asks quietly, and Spencer can barely breathe from how hard her heart breaks.

“Oh, Em,” she says. “You will.”

“Sure.”

Spencer sits on the bed, next to Emily. “What can I do to help you?”

“Anything.”

--

When Emily does come out it, too, goes badly. It starts out a regular Tuesday, and they all go their separate ways, and Emily goes home, and Spencer is walking off of the turf after field hockey practice, digging through her bag to find her phone as she heads back to the locker room.

She has six missed calls. Four from Emily. Two from Hanna.

She stops walking.

The first voice message is indecipherable. It’s all sharp gasps and heavy sobs, and Spencer’s heart plummets. She gets to Hanna’s message and –

“It’s bad, Spence,” the recording says. “Emily’s gonna stay at my house for a while.”

Spencer is still covered in sweat, and her knees are scuffed up from the turf field, but she races towards her car, locker room be damned.

She has to get to Emily.

She barely says hi to Ashley or Hanna, just runs up the stairs two-at-a-time until she gets to the guest room. Emily’s sitting on the bed, her eyes red and her face puffy, but she’s no longer crying. No. She looks…god she looks shell shocked, and Spencer aches at the sight.

“Em?” she calls softly.

Emily looks up at her, blinks, and that’s when she breaks.

A strangled sob works its way up from Emily’s chest and Spencer is walking over before she can stop herself, wrapping her arms around her. Emily is burying her face in Spencer’s shirt and she cries, she cries, she cries.

Spencer rubs her back, trails her fingers through her hair, and she cries, too. Softly, silently, but she does.

When the sobs get smaller, she hears Emily say, muffled, “you stink.”

Spencer tenses. Shit. She just got out of practice. She bolted right over here. She must smell terrible.

She pulls back a little. “I didn’t shower. I-I ran right over. Sorry. Let me just go home and shower–”

She goes to step back, but Emily’s hand circles around her wrist, anchoring her to the spot, and Emily looks up at her with wet eyes, wet cheeks, and a puppy-dog stare.

“No,” she says. “Stay?”

Her lips tremble as she asks, as if Spencer would ever, could ever, say no.

Spencer softens, stepping towards Emily again, pushing a hand into her hair. “Always.”

--

Spencer stays at the Marin’s for two days, either in Hanna’s room or in the guest room with Emily. She showers, too. Then, after those two days, she goes home when her mom won’t stop calling. A few weeks later, Emily goes home, too.

Spencer is rigid the whole day, waiting for a call, or a text, waiting for anything. She feels like a coil about to snap.

When she does get the text, it says We talked. It’s okay. I’m okay. Or. I will be.

Spencer unspools, and things go back to normal.

Well. Normal-ish.

Emily gets comfortable with her sexuality quickly, which is what Spencer could only ever hope for her, but it means Emily also gets crushes pretty quickly and that…

Spencer has never liked the boys Emily likes. Now, she doesn’t like the girls, either.

And now it feels different, and she doesn’t know why.

Emily is giving some of her attention to Paige now (Paige! Paige who tried to drown her, and Spencer feels like she’s having an aneurysm) and if Spencer is crankier than usual, that has nothing to do with it, she’s sure.

She just knows she wants Emily’s attention back on her and that’s perfectly normal, right?

They’re in the library during study hall when she hears Emily complaining to Hanna about her algebra homework, and Hanna, god bless her, isn’t even attempting to pretend that she knows it any better.

“I can help you, Em,” Spencer says from her spot.

“You probably have a million other things to do,” Emily protests. “You’ve got more homework than any of us combined.”

“That’s an exaggeration and you know it,” Spencer says. “It’s fine, really. Just come by mine tonight and we can work on it together.”

“You mean you’ll do it for her,” Hanna whispers under her breath, and she gets swiftly kicked in both shins by Emily and Spencer.

If Spencer can’t stop smiling the rest of the day, well, that’s completely unrelated.

Spencer does not, actually, do Emily’s homework for her. She walks her through the problems, and lets Emily try to do it on her own while Spencer works on her advanced chem homework. They lay next to each other on Spencer’s bed, and Spencer checks over her work periodically.

“See!” she says at one point. “You got it.”

“You mean you got it,” Emily laughs. “Seriously, Spence, you’re a lifesaver. And a genius.”

Spencer grins. “Well, thank you. But you’re not giving yourself enough credit.”

Emily hums, and her foot bumps against Spencer’s. “I missed this,” she says softly.

“What? Algebra?”

Emily rolls her eyes. “No. Us. I missed us hanging like this. You and me.”

Spencer’s heart flips. “Yeah. Me too.” Emily looks at Spencer then, and she bites her lip. Before she can say anything, though, Spencer blurts out, “wanna watch a movie?”

Emily pauses but after a second she nods. Spencer immediately wonders what Emily was going to say, and is kicking herself for speaking up at all.

“What do you want to watch.?” She asks.

“I don’t know, you pick,” Emily replies.

“Seriously? No preferences?”

“I’m here with you. That’s all I care about.”

Spencer’s heart is racing as she grabs her laptop and pulls up Netflix.

“So, anything?” she asks.

Emily nods, sending a soft smile in Spencer’s direction, sliding next to Spencer as they sit back on the bed.

“Anything.”

--

A week later, Emily and Paige are dating, and Spencer feels like she’s swallowing glass.

She realizes a little too late that she’s got feelings for Emily, because now she’s dating someone else, and Spencer’s world is spinning off of its axis.

She gets really, really good at learning how to fake a smile.

The state swimming champs are in late February, after Valentine’s Day, and of course, Spencer, Aria and Hanna go to support Emily. Spencer doesn’t mind, really, because it’s one of the few times her smile doesn’t have to be faked at all.

She’s proud of Emily. She’s always proud of Emily.

They make a big sign, and Spencer sits, biting her nails as they watched the races.

She yells her voice hoarse when Emily medals.

And after, they wait for her to come from the locker room, hair still wet, still smelling faintly of chlorine, and Spencer can’t hide the smile on her face when Emily finds them in the crowd.

Emily smiles right back.

“Hey, champ!” Spencer says, pulling her into a hug. “You were so great,” she says against her ear.

“You came,” Emily says, hugging Spencer tighter.

Spencer smiles even wider. “Always.”

--

It takes until next October before Emily and Paige break up. Well, for good. They’d been on and off most of the summer. Either way, Spencer can breathe again. She realizes she’s been holding her breath for months, waiting, and now she can breathe again.

Except. Except she can’t, really. Because she goes from waiting to something perhaps even worse.

She starts pining.

Quietly, and hopelessly, and deeply. She pines.

Spencer hasn’t often been shy in going after who or what she wants. But typically she wasn’t going after guys because she liked them, but because she was young and frustrated and wanted the attention. Because kissing Ian or Wren or whomever seemed like the only way to get her family to even look at her, and because Melissa always took what was hers and she was young and thought that was what justice was.

This is. This is different.

And suddenly she’s frozen. How do you make a move on your best friend?

Short answer: you don’t.

She pines most of junior year. She withdraws, too.

She and Emily don’t hang out alone as much. It’s not super obvious during the school year, what with how busy everyone is, and how much they all hang out together.

It’s obvious by the deep of summer time.

It’s hard to avoid when Hanna is off in New York for the summer, and Aria is in France or where ever, and Spencer and Emily are left alone in Rosewood.

Spencer is taking classes at Rosewood college, so at least she has that excuse, but it’s not much. Spencer bails on lunch a few times, she avoids Emily’s house, and she waits hours before replying to her texts. She just can’t. She can’t handle it right now. She doesn’t trust herself.

It’s not her best moment.

By August, Emily shows up at her door, angry and crying, and Spencer knows she’s fucked up.

“Did I do something?” Emily asks, wiping at her tears.

“What?”

Emily makes a frustrated sound. “You…I never see you anymore. You avoid me like I’m diseased, Spencer! I just want to know what I did.”  

Spencer shifts from foot to foot. “You didn’t do anything, Em. I’m just–”

“Really busy, I know, Spence,” Emily spits out. The words make Spencer wince, to hear them thrown back in her face like that. “I’m not asking for a lot here. I just…I miss you. I want to see you.”

“I…I miss you too,” Spencer offers, even though it’s probably not enough. “What should I have done?”

“Anything, Spencer,” Emily snaps, but her eyes are pleading. “Anything.”

--

Emily doesn’t speak to her for weeks. Even through the first week of school. Even though Spencer has texted and called, and even waited outside of Emily’s door for hours. It’s payback, Spencer thinks, and it stings like a bitch.

It’s worse than pining.

It’s worse than waiting.

It’s worse. It’s worse. It’s worse.

Not having Emily at all is intolerable.

“I don’t know what happened between you, or what you did,” Hanna hisses at her locker one day, “but you have to fix it. This sucks. It’s like my parents’ divorce all over again!”

“You think I’m enjoying this?” Spencer replies, shoving her AP Lit books into the locker. “It’s killing me! I’ve tried talking to her–”

“Try harder,” Hanna says. Then she rolls her eyes, “or, I don’t know, try a softer touch. Have you tried listening to her?”

Spencer bites the inside of her cheek. A softer touch isn’t Hanna’s worst idea. Sometimes, Spencer knows, she’s a bit of a bulldozer.

She’s also been a bit of a mess since her fight with Emily. She’s getting looks from people. Mostly her parents, Hanna and Aria.

So she skips field hockey practice and she waits on Emily’s porch. She waits for hours. When Emily comes home, she sees Spencer and freezes. Her eyes harden, and Spencer thinks she’s going to turn right back around so she–

“–Em, wait!” she calls. “Please, I…I wanted to apologize.”

“You’ve done that,” Emily says coldly, but she comes up the stairs, anyway, stands right in front of Spencer, anyway.

“I know,” Spencer forces herself to look at Emily. “You don’t have to forgive me. But I…I came to talk. And I came to listen. Because I’ve been a bit intense, I know.”

Emily nods. “Okay,” she says quietly. “So talk.”

Her gentleness almost makes it worse, Spencer thinks, but she swallows and steadies herself.

“I fucked up. I was having a rough summer,” she says, because it’s not a lie, even if it’s not the full truth, “and I thought it was better and easier if I kept it to myself. I thought seeing you would make it harder. And yet,” she laughs here, brittle and sad, “all I did was push you away and make you have a rough summer, too. It wasn’t fair or kind, but I did it, and I was wrong. I miss you, Emily. I missed you then, and I miss you even more now. We’ve got one year left together before we go off to school who knows where and I…”

“Yes?” Emily prompts, her voice barely a whisper.

Spencer closes her eyes. It would be so easy to so say. Three words. I love you.

Instead she says, “I don’t want to lose any more time with you. I don’t want to lose you. You’re the one thing I can’t lose, Emily.”

She doesn’t open her eyes, but she feels the warmth, the solidity as Emily sits down next to her, legs pressed together, leaning against Spencer’s side. She feels Emily’s fingers slide in between hers.

Feels her breath as she whispers, “the one thing?”

Spencer opens her eyes. “Yeah.”

It’s the closest she can get, for now.

“You’re not going to lose me, Spencer. We’ve been friends too long for that. You’ve got me for as long as you want me.”

Spencer squeezes Emily’s hand, wishes she was braver. But she knows how long she wants Emily, she wants her for –

“Always.”

--

Nothing changes, after that. Well, nothing tangible. Hanna mentions, once or twice, how the two are even more inseparable than usual.

“What do you mean?” Emily asks. “The four of us are always together. How are you and I or Aria and Spencer or any other combination any different?”

Hanna waves a hand dismissively, but when Emily goes to class, she elaborates to Spencer.

“You two like…what do planets do?”

“Orbit?” Spencer asks, her heart hammering in her chest.

“Yeah,” Hanna says, quirking an eyebrow. “That. You two orbit each other. It’s like you don’t even think about it. You guys always sit next to each other, the second you walk into a room, you end up near each other. Like magnets.”

“I hadn’t noticed,” Spencer shrugs.

It’s a lie. She’s definitely noticed. She doesn’t think about it, really, about going to Emily every time she sees her, but she does notice how much it happens. She notices the way they touch, casually and without thinking, way more than the other girls.

They sit next to each other with shoulders brushing, knees knocking.

There’s no personal space anymore. It’s their space.

It’s not the worst thing in the world.

That’s how they spend the last few months of high school. Glued to each other’s sides, and hanging out with Hanna and Aria.

It’s how they spend the summer, too, but they really don’t get any time alone, then. It’s either Hanna, or Aria, and their families, and it’s fine. It’s good, really.

But as it gets closer to their leaving dates, Spencer feels…sad.

As if she can read her mind, Emily shows up at her door one day, while her parents are out visiting Melissa.

“Hey,” Spencer says, leaning against the doorframe.

“Hi,” Emily smiles. “Wanna hang?”

“Of course,” Spencer says. She looks around the porch. “Hanna and Aria?”

Emily shrugs innocently. “I thought maybe it could just be us today.”

Spencer’s smile only grows, and Emily ducks her head, grinning. “Yeah, okay. What do you want to do?”

“With you?” Emily meets her gaze again, warm and bright and sad and happy all at once. “Anything.”  

--

The ‘always’ that matters, the first one Spencer really pays attention to, happens over spring break of their freshman year of college. Instead of going to the Bahamas, or Florida, or Palm Beach, they come back to Rosewood, to see each other.

Aria is in Capri, Hanna is in Cabo, and it’s just the two of them.

Spring break in Pennsylvania is still decidedly cold, and rather un-springlike, but it feels like spring to Spencer. Feels like the world is coming alive again.

They sprawl out on Spencer’s bed, Spencer resting back against the pillows, Emily lounging at the end of the bed, and they have the house to themselves. It feels just like old times.

“If you had algebra homework to do, this would just be like high school,” Spencer laughs.

They have more alcohol this time, having stolen a bottle of vodka from her parents’ stash, but other than that…

“God, if I ever have to look at an algebra equation again, I’m flying to New Haven to knock on your door.”

Spencer’s heart flips a little. “I wouldn’t mind that,” she says. “You could even come without the algebra.”

Emily traces a pattern on the bare skin of Spencer’s calf, and Spencer pretends it isn’t making her shiver.

“Yeah?” Emily asks.

“Yeah.”

“You know,” Emily says, in this quiet, throaty tone that makes heat pool in Spencer’s stomach, “I could’ve kissed you for saving my GPA. I was so desperate. And you were so…wonderful.”

Spencer looks at her, letting her head loll a little. “I would’ve let you,” she says softly.

Emily’s gaze flickers up to Spencer’s again, and her fingers slide higher up Spencer’s legs, under her knee, towards her thigh.

“Yeah?” she asks again.

And it’s breathy, this time, it hits heavy in Spencer’s heart, and her pulse is racing. She sits up, leaning over, just a little.

“Yeah.”

Emily tilts her head and it’s just the right angle…it’s just the right…

Spencer stops thinking, for once, and kisses Emily hard and messy, it’s all lips and tongues and heavy breathing and then Emily is pushing up off of the bed to get closer, tugging at Spencer’s shirt for leverage.

Spencer tugs Emily into her lap and pulls back, just a little, just to catch her breath.

Her hands skim the skin above Emily’s waistband.

“How long?” Emily asks, and she looks so dazed, so happy, that Spencer can’t help but laugh.

She feels it too. Punch drunk happy.

“I’ve always…” she pauses then, because Emily is trailing open-mouthed kisses up her neck and it’s impossible to concentrate. Besides, that’s really the best answer for it. “Just…” she starts, and tries to concentrate as she says, “Always.”

--

It becomes their new normal. Not that much of it is new.

Well. The kissing. And the sex. That’s new. And of course now the hand-holding, and the late calls across the country…they mean something else now.

The three words ‘I love you’, mean something else, too.

Spencer can’t believe this is her life, sometimes. That she pined for so long and she’s here now. That she gets to kiss Emily, whenever she wants. Well, almost whenever.

“Babe, that’s crazy,” Emily says over the phone. “You’re not…you’re not lucky. You deserve the love you want. You’re perfect.”

Spencer hums. “I can be both.”

Emily laughs. “Yeah, I guess you can,” she says. She pauses then, and Spencer thinks she can hear her unlocking her front door. “I’m lucky too, you know. My heart is in the safest hands possible.”

Spencer smiles to herself, lays back in her bed, and pretends Emily was there with her, instead of in California. “Yeah. I’m not going to let anything bad happen to it.”

“Not anything?” Emily asks innocently.

“Anything,” Spencer promises.

There’s a pause, and Spencer can hear the smile in Emily’s voice when she says, “hey, that’s my line.”

--

Six years later, when they’ve both graduated, when they’re on the same coast, when Spencer’s done with grad school, when their friends and family are all gathered around…

They both wear white, they both say ‘I Do’ and later, when they’re dancing, Spencer pulls her wife close, kisses her cheek and whispers in her ear.

“I’m yours. Have been, and will be, for as long as you’ll have me.”

Emily pulls Spencer closer, but angles herself so she can look in her eyes and holds steady as she says it.

“Always.”

[once-upon-a-spemily]

Troian’s been on a press tour for her new movie and of course every interview asks her about PLL or who she keeps up with/is close with from the cast and her answer has consistently always been Shay. THAT MAKES MY SPEMILY HEART SWOON!!!!! So cute and sweet that they’ve remained friends. Even Shay talked about Troian in her most recent YouTube video and how they’re like neighbors and Troian’s giving her really good advice about being a mom. Their friendship is so pure I could cry

Y E S i had the same thought when I watched her buzzfeed “burning questions” interview. I mean by the later years of the show it was p clear that Troian, Shay, and Ash were super close both on and off set but I’m so happy that Shay and Troian have stayed so close. I didn’t see Shay’s new video yet so I’ll have to watch that one!

I know they’re both very busy being badasses and being moms/about to be moms, but I’m still holding out that they work together again in the future xD

[once-upon-a-spemily]

This blog is now five years old!!!

Thank you all for the support over this five years, I honestly didn’t expect this blog to get many followers, and I CERTAINLY didn’t think it was going to be able to keep going this long after PLL ended.

Thank y’all deeply and also WOW isn’t spemily the ship of dreams???

[once-upon-a-spemily]

Who do you think would be the strict parent, Spencer or Emily? I feel like it would be Emily because Spencer would wanna be the cool/fun parent, until it comes to dating 😂

tbh I think they’re both strict and fun, depending on the situation. Both of them are very organized, and that’s important to them, and so I can see them both being like “oh my god, put your toys away.” Additionally Spencer is a stickler for homework, Emily is a stickler for eating healthy and also being kind. Both of them are Big On Manners.

At the same time, Spencer definitely sometimes keeps reading their kids “one more story” even though bedtime was a half hour ago, and Emily has snuck her kids out of daycare to take them to the pool.

Not to mention Spencer is Soft, so when it’s just her and the kids, and they ask her for something (a treat, a trip to the park, whatever), she’s going to cave pretty easily. I mean, have you seen Spencer around Emily? Girl can’t say no.

Emily is surprisingly stronger on that front. 

So yeah, I think it’s pretty evenly matched, and pretty complimentary. I think they’d be a great parenting team tbh.

[once-upon-a-spemily]

I just re-read your Little Wonders stories and oh man, I forgot how good they were! Do you think you’ll do any other one shots/drabbles for it? I’d love to see Spencer and Emily and their growing little family! :)

Oh my goodness thank you for your kind words!!!! Little Wonders has such a special place in my heart, and James Hastings was my first lil Spemily baby and I adore him and their family. 

To be honest, as much as I love them, it’s been four years (omg) since I’ve really been the headspace of writing for Little Wonders and it feels very finished to me, so I’m not likely to pick it up again, but who knows! I’ve had weirder inspiration strike.

I’m sorry I can’t promise anything more concrete. However, if you’re interested in reading more domestic/family spemily, Quite A Long Long Time is a nice substitute for Little Wonders (in my mind), and I actually have a few one shots planned for it in the future. 

Think of it as Little Wonders 2.0. I feel that I’ve (hopefully???) grown as a writer since Little Wonders (which isn’t a knock on that AU, I adore it), but Quite A Long Long Time is more in-line with my current style while still being about Spencer and Emily raising kids, building a family and life together, if that makes sense.

Anyway, again, thank you so much for you kind words, James Hastings loves you very much, and so do I. <3 

[once-upon-a-spemily]

That is, indeed, the actual footage!!!!! That’s the fic, in a gif!!

Thank you for making it 🤗

What You Really Need (2/2)

Summary: Hanna is sure (she’s sure!) that Spencer and Emily have slept together. Now she just needs them to admit it. And, preferably, fall deeply in love, while they’re at it.

Part 2 of the Hanna-POV-spemily-au. Part one is here

Keep reading

[once-upon-a-spemily]

hope-breeds reblogged your post and added:

Holy crap! This is.. so so good!

Oh my gosh, thank you so much!!! I’m so glad you liked it! 💕

[once-upon-a-spemily]

The Way It Was

Summary: Yes, they’ve been broken up for months, but Spencer still knows Emily’s number, still is surprised when she wakes up to an empty bed, still can’t sleep a full night without Emily breathing next to her. In short, she’s not doing so well.

I.

Spencer grabs two forks for dinner. It’s been four months. She grabs two forks, and it’s been four months and she nearly slams her fingers in the drawer putting the second fork back.

II.

When they started dating, nearly two years ago, there were two general camps of opinion. First, there were those who were ecstatic to see them together, who were likely rooting for it in private for a while, who seemed to think that they’d been destined for each other. In this camp – Hanna, and both of their mothers. Then there were the ones who said they’d implode. Eat each other alive. Several people fell into this camp, mostly their exes.

Spencer’s pride would be wounded at the thought of the latter being right, but her heart hurts too much to care about her fucking pride.

Sometimes she thinks her pride is the reason Emily isn’t here, now. In that case, her pride can choke.

III.

Distance. That’s what she told her mother. We couldn’t make it work with the distance. What with Emily working in New York and Spencer at Harvard Law. It’s sadder, because the distance wasn’t even that far. But still, it’s softer to swallow than the idea that she and Emily weren’t right together, that they were wrong, that they were bad.

If she and Emily weren’t right for each other, then Spencer doesn’t know anything about this fucking world.  

VI.

She goes home for her grandmother’s birthday. Eats cake and drinks tea and talks about her plans post-graduation and feels like a real person again. She stays after the friends leave, and Melissa begs out, because Spencer was always the favorite and she’s not about to let that change.

She helps her mom clean up and her grandmother comes and kisses Spencer’s hands and slips her twenty dollars like she’s five, not twenty-five.

“I’m sorry that Emily wasn’t able to make it. How is she?” her grandmother asks, smiling warmly, and Spencer has to catch herself on the counter.

“She’s…great, grandma. Fantastic,” Spencer says in one rush, and then quickly, “excuse me a moment.”

She runs out onto the back deck, chest heaving, sits on the edge, folds her head between her knees and she cries. Not for the first time, she cries.

V.

Five months after the breakup and she still has Emily’s number memorized, even if it was deleted months ago. She’s never called, no matter how drunk, but the number is there. Spencer has a lot of facts about Emily tucked away in her mind, put in odd corners that crop up at inconvenient times.

The funny thing is, Spencer doesn’t even want to forget. She always liked that she knew Emily so well.

She still knows how she takes her coffee. Still wakes up before her alarm goes off, because her body is used to Emily’s going off first.

If Emily were a house, Spencer would know every corner and every tricky stair. She’d be able to find each light switch in the dark.

Sometimes, when she can’t sleep, she stares up at her ceiling in the dark and wonders if Emily remembers her, too. Or if Emily’s already forgotten Spencer’s little corners and tricks.

They were best friends for many years and now Spencer is down one girlfriend, and one best friend. There’s an Emily-shaped hole in her life and she doesn’t even know how to begin to fill it.

VI.

Spencer has her first date since the breakup and it’s. Well. It’s not great. The guy isn’t exactly a Rhodes Scholar.

That’s not even the problem, though, the problem is that he likes to hear himself talk a little too much, and he definitely thinks he’s smarter than he actually is. He’s nice, she guesses, and he’s cute enough so she drinks enough wine until she’s buzzing nicely, lets him take her back to his place.

She gets off thanks to her own sheer determination and it’s not exactly satisfying, but she does feel something like release snap in her and she feels a little better the next day. Feels like herself.

VII.

There’s a wedding. There’s a wedding, and Spencer goes because her mother makes her, even though she’s an adult.

The ceremony is short and admittedly sweet, and the reception is at a gorgeous ballroom, with enough champagne to flood the streets, so she doesn’t really mind. She only thinks once that this should’ve been her. Should’ve been Emily. Should’ve been them.

Then the music picks up and Spencer’s doing fine.

She’s doing fine until she looks across the room and sees Emily sweeping through the crowd, wearing a dress the color of said champagne, her hair all curled, smiling softly as she goes, apologizing as she bumps into someone.

Spencer’s heart jumps into her throat.

As if she hears, Emily looks up and her gaze unerringly finds Spencer’s from across the ballroom.

It’s like they’re the only people in the room.

Her smile changes then, a little bit pained, a little bit sweet, a little bit bright, a little bit lost, and Spencer grabs the table behind herself so she can stay standing.

Her eyes sting and she turns away, dabbing a knuckle to the corner of her eye before the tears can fall.

She can’t swallow, still, and her heart is beating wildly against her chest and she needs to get out of here. Now.

She finds the doors and slips out into the hall, but she doesn’t stop there. She keeps walking until she’s outside, in the cool spring air, and she rests back against the building’s façade.

The stone is cold and it raises goosebumps on her skin, but it feels good. She was going to burn up in there.

She still has her champagne glass dangling from her fingertips, but it’s shaking, and it takes Spencer a second to realize she’s crying.

No. She’s sobbing.

She reaches up to wipe the tears from her cheeks, but it’s a useless exercise, because she’s still crying, her body trembling, her throat raw as she tries to stay quiet.  

“Spencer.”

A sob escapes from her lips then, because she doesn’t need to turn around to know that voice.

She doesn’t want to look, but it doesn’t matter, because Emily is prying the champagne from Spencer’s fingers, is pulling Spencer close until she can rest her head on Emily’s shoulder, is wrapping her arms around Spencer and rubbing circles in her back.

Spencer lets her.

Spencer feels pathetic, then, crying in the arms of her ex-girlfriend, but she can’t help the way her sobs soften, the way her heart seems to calm at the contact. At the familiarity.

“It could’ve been us,” she says quietly. Her voice is hoarse and scratchy. “I should’ve been us.”

Emily’s hand stills on her back, and Spencer freezes as she waits for Emily’s reply.

“I know.”

One last sob bursts out of here, because oh, god, that’s such a perfect response and Spencer doesn’t even know why, but it makes her feel better.

When she stops crying, she lets herself stay there, nuzzling her head into the nape of Emily’s neck despite her better judgment.

“You look good,” she mumbles, her breath hot against Emily’s neck, and she can hear Emily’s breath hitch in her throat.

“Spencer,” Emily says. It’s a warning, but it’s a weak one, and Spencer can feel the vibration of it because of how closely she’s pressed up against Emily.

“Miss you,” Spencer says. “Missed you so much.”

Emily’s hands have stopped moving, but they’re low on Spencer’s back, and at that, they pull her closer.

Spencer knows, god she knows, that this is stupid, and a bad idea, and she should stop but she doesn’t want to.

She nudges at Emily’s pulse point with her nose, first, and then brushes her lips over the spot, but before she can go any further, Emily is taking a step back.

Her eyes are dark, darker than normal, and her chest is rising rapidly as she breathes. She licks her lips, rakes a hand through her hair, and Spencer lets her head fall back against the stone, just watching her.

“Better?” Emily asks, as if the last moments didn’t happen, as if this was all about Spencer’s crying.

Spencer nods. “Yeah. Sorry.”

Emily’s heated look falls away, replaced by a fond one, and it hits Spencer differently, yes, but it hits just as hard. She used to get all of that. She used to get all of Emily.

“For what?”

There’s a softness to the question, and a little bit of teasing, but Spencer’s heart is running on empty here so she just shrugs and steps forward, squaring her shoulders so she can look Emily in the eye.

“For still being in love with you.”

She turns away before the words can fully sink into Emily, but she still sees the first bloom of shock in her eyes, and then Spencer is back inside.

She can let Emily work through that on her own. God knows Spencer’s done it a million times already.

VIII.

Almost a month later, Spencer is sorting through her class notes when her phone rings. The number isn’t saved in her phone, but she’s knows whose it is.

She almost doesn’t answer.

“Emily?” she asks.

There’s silence on the other end for a minute, and Spencer thinks it must be an accidental call, except that makes no sense because it’s been almost seven months since Emily last called her.

“Did you mean it?

It’s nearly one in the morning. Spencer should be in bed. Emily’s voice is soft and it’s small, like she can’t believe she’s calling either. Like she’s scared.

“Did I mean what?”

There’s a shaky breath on the other line. “Do you still love me?”

This time, Spencer isn’t drunk on champagne and sadness. This time, though her heart is still aching, it’s not caving in. This time, she has a clear head.

“Em,” she says softly, and there’s a sound on the other end like a kind of choked sob, like Emily’s expecting her to say no, or something, and Spencer’s heart squeezes. “Emily, I’m not doing this.”

“Why?”

She sounds like a petulant child, and Spencer can’t help but smile to herself. She’s just so in awe of this woman, always.

“I’m not doing this over the phone,” she says. “Come on. We both know this is a bad idea. It’s not…it’s not what the conversation deserves.”

Emily pauses. “Which conversation is that?”

God, Spencer wishes she knew. She has no idea. She hates not knowing. She just knows this isn’t right.

“Surprised you still remembered my number,” is what she says.

Emily lets out this humorless little laugh. “Spencer, I couldn’t unlearn you if I tried.”

It knocks the air right from Spencer’s lungs.

“Goodnight, Em.”

“Night, Spence.”

IX.

Spencer’s not sure which is worse – the months when she didn’t have Emily at all, when there was this void in her life, when she had to stare out the window and wonder what Emily was doing…or this new thing they do. This thing where they both circle each other at different times, pushing and pulling each other, each taking turns being the responsible one and being the one who just wants so badly.

She has Emily back in her life, sort of, but it’s this constant reminder of what she doesn’t have, what she once had, what she no longer has.

She knows her friends are judging her for it. She knows she should move on. But it doesn’t…it doesn’t feel like that.

What she and Emily are doing is dumb, yes, and it’s a mile away from healthy, but it’s also…it’s also helping.

It’s unhealthy, she thinks, because they both so desperately want what they had back, and because they’re trying to be good about, trying to be responsible. And it’s that contradiction, the incomparable tension, that is unhealthy.

They were always good together.

It’s that they’re fighting against themselves that’s making it messy.

She tells Hanna that over the phone one night and instead of getting a quip back, all she gets is silence.

“Han?”

There’s a rustling and then, finally, Hanna speaks up. “Then why are you fighting it? Why don’t you just get back together?”

Spencer’s mouth goes dry.

She wants to say because I’m scared. Because I don’t know if Emily misses me or misses being with someone. Because I can’t handle her saying no again. Because I can’t fall apart again. Because. Because. Because.

What Spencer says is, “I don’t know, why don’t you ask Emily that?”

X.

Spencer’s back in Rosewood for Christmas. Where else is she going to be? Her Mom and Dad go over to the Montgomery house her second night home, for their Holiday Party, but Spencer opts to stay home.

She’s almost done with Law School, but then she’s got the bar, and Spencer is realizing that she’s never really been good at relaxing, has she?

She decides to change that, and she sits in the sun room, with a blanket, drinking some wine and just watching the snow fall.

There’s a knock on the door and Spencer has half a mind to not answer it, but ultimately she gets up and tries not to choke when she opens it to see Emily.

“Hi,” Emily says. She licks her lips, and Spencer follows the motion with her eyes. “Your mom said you’d be here.”

“Yeah,” Spencer says. Emily has snowflakes caught in her eyelashes. “Yeah, I’m here.”

Emily isn’t even wearing a coat.

Emily isn’t wearing a coat, Spencer realizes suddenly, and pulls Emily inside the house, to get her out of the cold.

“Thanks,” Emily says bashfully, looking up at Spencer through her eyelashes. “I didn’t know you were in Rosewood.”

Spencer just nods.

They stand like that for a minute, in the dark of the living room, in silhouette, and Spencer reaches up to brush the melting snowflakes from Emily’s lashes, sucks in a breath at the way Emily leans into her touch.

Emily’s hands fist in the material of Spencer’s shirt, pulling her closer, and when she looks up at Spencer, Spencer can see the conflict in Emily’s eyes.

“Please,” Emily whines. Her eyes are shining. “I need you…tell me why we broke up again. Remind me why we broke up. I can’t…I need you to stop me.”

Spencer traces her thumb over Emily’s cheekbone, over her jaw, and then over her bottom lip, drawing out a sigh from Emily.

“I can’t,” Spencer whispers. “I can’t for the life of me remember.”

Emily’s eyes flutter closed, and she sways into Spencer. After a moment she says, with some effort, “Distance.”

“What?” Spencer asks. Her brain is fuzzy. It’s dripping in Emily.

“We broke up because of the distance. At least that’s what we said. I think we were scared,” Emily says, and her voice isn’t so soft anymore, and her eyes are open, and just like that, the spell is over. The moment is over.

Or maybe…it’s not.

Emily is still pressed up against her.

“I am, you know,” Spencer says. “I am still in love with you.”

She can say it, now that they’re face to face, now that it’s not the middle of the night, now that they’re here, together.

Emily whines. “That’s not what you’re supposed to say.”

Spencer laughs, sad and quiet. She hates to break the contact between them, loves the feeling too much, but she does. She steps back, and then she takes a seat on the couch.

Emily still stands in front of her.

“Maybe it’s not,” Spencer concedes. She looks up at her. “But I am. Never stopped.”

“Spencer…”

“I don’t think I can,” she admits. “You’re my person, Em. I love you, and I’d choose you again. I’d choose you every time. No matter the distance. I want it to work with you. Today, tomorrow, everyday.”

That’s definitely not what she’s supposed to say. And she’s shaking with the weight of it all, but she’s known it for a while.

Spencer doesn’t believe in soulmates, not really, but she believes in her and Emily. She wants to put in the work. She wants Emily, she wants them, for the rest of her life. She wants to build a life together.

Emily sits down next to her, chewing on her lower lip as she does. Slowly, she reaches over and grabs Spencer’s hand.

“I want that, too,” she says quietly.

Spencer turns to look at her. “But?”

Emily smiles, small and wry, and she shakes her head. “No ‘but’. I want this. I want you, babe,” and oh, god, the sound of that word on Emily’s tongue again makes Spencer’s heart sing. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m–”

“No,” Spencer says, stroking her thumb over the back of Emily’s hand. “No need to be sorry. No more ‘should’ve’ or ‘could’ve’. We’ve got a second chance. That’s all we need.”

Emily nods, and she nods, and she’s still nodding all the way up to the moment she leans in and kisses Spencer, angles their mouths together, slips her tongue past her lips.

“I love you,” Emily breathes into Spencer’s mouth.

Spencer pulls away, just a little, catching her breath, and she locks eyes with Emily.

“Again.”

Emily smiles softly – a sharp contrast to how dark her eyes have gotten – and she teases at Spencer’s bottom lip, and then her top, before she pulls away again and says, “I love you.”

Spencer makes a noise that is, maybe, a little bit of a sob, and she’d be embarrassed except it’s Emily and Emily knows her, knows her better than anyone.

XI.

They do the distance until May. Until Spencer graduates. They do it right this time.

And when she crosses the stage, gets her diploma, it hardly registers with her.

She already got the keys to Emily’s apartment in New York earlier that morning, and that was better than anything else.

They packed up her stuff that morning.

The next day, they make the drive home (Spencer’s body hums at the word), and when they get there (home), Emily presses Spencer up against the door, kisses her neck until Spencer’s gasping, until she leaves a mark, and Spencer...

Spencer is happy.

Spencer is so, so happy.