oncemorewithleo

[oncemorewithleo]

Hi, does anyone still use tumble? I miss it

[oncemorewithleo]

[text:

there are many moments

when i don’t feel like im in my body.

i don’t know who’s in the mirror

and my hands are not my own.]

[oncemorewithleo]

meirl

[oncemorewithleo]

trans flag h. melt 2014

[oncemorewithleo]

I feel like a LOT of people with eating disorders had toxic mothers that constantly commented on their weight as a child

[oncemorewithleo]

[oncemorewithleo]

I remember one time when I was in an eating disorder treatment center and struggling to finish a particularly hard meal, a therapist kneeled down next to me and said, “You don’t need to prove to me that you’re in pain.” I could feel some emotion starting to come up and I tried to push it away. She said, “Tell me about the pain, Lindsay. Use you words, not your body.” That’s still one of the most powerful things I’ve been told when in my eating disorder. There have been times, even subconsciously, that I’ve used ED behaviors as a way of showing people how much pain I’m in, telling them that I am not okay inside.  There are still days when I’m tempted to take out my emotions on my body, to make my internal pain visible. But sometimes I think about this therapist and it makes me pause, even for a second, and remember that I don’t have to destroy myself to prove my pain to anyone. It is valid and real whether I look “sick enough” or not.

[oncemorewithleo]

[oncemorewithleo]

I finally got around to sticking down all the things I'd cut out to make a collarge of things on my mind a few weeks ago. :)

https://www.instagram.com/p/B97GHvBn6k0/?igshid=1ljyot8pvf879

[oncemorewithleo]

[oncemorewithleo]

ugh dysphoria is so fuckin complicated like no I don’t wanna look like a girl yes I wanna look like a dude who looks like a girl

[oncemorewithleo]

Me: am I faking it? I’m not sick enough, I’m just losing weight to be more confident

Me, studying about the endocrine system: D U D E HYPERTHYROIDISM WOULD HELP A LOT

[oncemorewithleo]

[oncemorewithleo]

Drunk online shopping = Other People: clothes, cars, designer handbags, etc Me: this (I am such a child, lol). https://www.instagram.com/p/B9cTGoIH1c4/?igshid=1qsxibmzeb7v1

[oncemorewithleo]

An idea: transform emotional eating to emotionally drinking tea 🍵

[oncemorewithleo]

Why am I so tired *looks at fitbit* oh that https://www.instagram.com/p/B8_oYHtnpux/?igshid=32ptml7j7b1u

[oncemorewithleo]

Started a collarge of some of the things on my mind, using some old and new doodles. I’ve taken a few days off work due to anxiety. I knew I was a bit low due to winter and lots of little things - not getting hrt, always being in the same unit at work, no-one wanting to socialise, etc. but thought I was coping well. Then I was told I need to have a formal warning about how much time off sick I’ve had. I get one more warming after that. Work uses the Broadford factor thing, how such a personal thing can be handled in such an I impersonal, statistical way I don’t understand. We had an audit at work and the autitor appeared to be impressed by me. I know I’m a bit slower than others but I’m good at my job. I am thorough and constantly ask and talk to the clients. So the possibility of getting fired from a job I know I’m good at in horrible! No, a sometimes I don’t put in 100% but that’s what you get for not making your employees feel valued at all. The next shift I threw up three times so I knew it was time for a few days off. I got Frey to phone in for me like always, even though Frey hates doing it and we both get told off, hel, it could be a reason to fire me. But I strugle with the phonr at the best of times, my boss doesn’t seem to get that when I get really anxious I literally can not speak, to anyone. Frey phoned the Dr for me, so I could tell work I’d spoken to the Dr but I couldn’t answer the phone. Back to work tomorrow, I’m hoping I’m on a late and it’ll be OK. I’m glad I’ve got the weekend off, I’m part of a union and that my wife is so amazing. #fuckanxiety #trans #transart https://www.instagram.com/p/B9ANONCH6ZK/?igshid=vxpenztc3unl