one-small-step-for-ape-man

[one-small-step-for-ape-man]

I don’t care if my dad says aliens aren’t real, my brother literally spoke with one when we were teenagers. granted, it was dead but like- i watched him have a full on conversation. it’s complicated.

[one-small-step-for-ape-man]

oh sorry guys, that was me uh- this is embarassing- 

now hear me out, ok? The aliens have been incredibly vague with all of their messages thus far and there’s a few parts where transmission have obviously been cut out of the tape. It’s incredibly likely that parts were cut out so they can keep the information themself. Now I’m not trying to start a conspiracy. I know the ISS got the transmission first and they’re supposed to impartial and not involved in politics or anything but I’m just saying. Doesn’t the phrase “We are from planet not know what you call it” sound a little fishy to you?

[one-small-step-for-ape-man]

The moon also gets solar eclipses, it’s when the earth gets in between the Moon and the Sun, and the the Earth looks really beautiful before the sun blacks it out :]

[one-small-step-for-ape-man]

i’m feeling kinda called out here

my gender is being isolated on the moon for years, and bumping my head on the moon base’s door frame every single day.

[one-small-step-for-ape-man]

Oh, did you mean my brother Klaus?

i think there should be more stories about gay people coming back from the dead

[one-small-step-for-ape-man]

Out of razors and I do not look good with a beard. Ugh. 

[one-small-step-for-ape-man]

sometimes i don’t like my body but then i remember i’m the hottest person on the moon so <3

[one-small-step-for-ape-man]

i wonder where my siblings ended up going after moving out. i’ll generalize: probably earth. 

[one-small-step-for-ape-man]

“oh luther you need to be a leader” I KNOW. I KNOW. i’m LITERALLY LEADING A MARCHING BAND OF MARTIANS RIGHT NOW; DOES THAT NOT SAY ‘LEADER’ TO YOU?

[one-small-step-for-ape-man]

OH. So when aliens invade earth it’s “scary” and “chaotic” but when I invade their territory I’m “going crazy” and “number one, we’ve been over this, there’s no such thing as aliens.” I see how it is

[one-small-step-for-ape-man]

Soo I may or may not have been blinded for three days because I looked at the Sun with the wrong spacesuit helmet on :-( 

[one-small-step-for-ape-man]

my b a c k hurts so badly from sleeping on the wall for the past 3 nights. it was a downgrade from the ceiling. 

[one-small-step-for-ape-man]

I just realized that the moment I’m back on Earth I’ll have to get used to Earth gravity. Now my muscles physically can’t atrophy like everyone else’s but it’s not going to be fun either way. 

[one-small-step-for-ape-man]

just realized that my only friend is my dad and i’m still kinda upset with him for sending me to the moon. like am i just supposed to live here forever orrrr...?

[one-small-step-for-ape-man]

can’t ride bikes in space >:(

[one-small-step-for-ape-man]

I forgot birds exist oh. i miss birds.

[one-small-step-for-ape-man]

I love draining the world’s air supply. like, yeah, you guys get lungs, but you ever have a tank of oxygen all to yourself?