onehellofababysitter

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#Eddie was the first one to listen to Steve and not judge him when he didn’t understand

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Stranger Things 4: Buzzfeed Unsolved edition

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2x04 // 3x08

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Stranger Things + text post memes 5/?

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STRANGER THINGS REWATCH ↓ Chapter Seven: The Bathtub

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Billy is one of the best characters in Stranger Things because his story explores the theme of trauma in a way no other character's story does. He's the abuse victim who doesn't react like a saint—the one who's so angry at what he's going through that he attacks everyone around him like a mad dog. But when the anger dies down, we see who he really is: a frightened boy desperate to be loved.

You NEED a character like that if you want to do the theme of trauma any justice. Because real trauma is fucking messy! Not everyone reacts to it by becoming soft-spoken wallflowers who throw themselves on a sacrificial altar (though, ironically, Billy ended up doing that very thing). Some people get mean and scary. They abuse substances, lose their tempers, drive too fast, bully others, and live constantly on the edge, like they don't care if they die.

If you're telling a story about trauma, but your only characters are 'good' victims who never hurt other people, you're doing your audience a terrible disservice.

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Honestly, I’m genuinely obsessed with the Claudia Henderson x Steve Harrington friendship. Like she loves her son so much right? And Steve loves Dustin too and just the idea of her seeing how much those two boys care for each other and her adopting Steve into the family. They trade recipes, they tease Dustin, they plan game and movie nights together. Like she’s definitely in on the Mom Steve joke, and is constantly teasing about Dusty asking his other mother when he wants to go out and she’s not able to drive him.

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This is a long post, but should be read. You may not like Billy's character, but y'all need to get it through your heads that there are people who have been through shit really similar to what he went through, and when you say he deserved to die in the way that he did, we hear that and see that

Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) & What That Means for Billy

ACEs are something that I think Stranger Things fans have to understand if they’re going to talk about Billy Hargrove. I don’t care so much if people like him, but I do care when people make callous remarks about abuse survivors because of their reaction to him. Billy is not real, but I am. Many people including myself have similar experiences to Billy. So, I am going to explain what ACEs are as they pertain to Billy as well as why you need to stop saying some of the things you’re saying about him.

Before any of you comes at me with “You can understand him, but it doesn’t excuse x, y, or z…,” I need you to stop and think critically about whether or not you’re using that statement as an excuse for yourself to avoid any responsibility in examining the way you think about trauma and it’s survivors. I also need you to think about how your ideas re: justice disproportionately harm marginalized people because the rhetoric some of you use comes from a carceral, punitive mindset. It is not restorative and it does not reduce harm.

Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) is a term used to identify and quantify the impact of childhood trauma on people. Theoretically, the more ACEs a person has the more likely they are to face negative life outcomes. That includes chronic disease, sexual exploitation, STIs/STDs, anxiety and depression, substance abuse, poverty and homelessness, as well as early death. However, there are ways to mitigate the effects of ACEs through support systems and interventions.

ACEs are common. Most people have at least one ACE. There are some people who have a few ACEs. However, some people have a very high ACE score that puts them at a much higher risk for the above life outcomes. I have an ACE score around 8. That’s high. As a result, I have mental and physical health problems that need intervention in order for me to get better. As a child, I developed unhealthy coping skills while surviving abuse that made it difficult for me to access the supports I needed to get better.

What I would like people to understand is that the way we treat people with high ACEs impacts their ability to change. If you want someone like Billy to change, then you have to have empathy for abuse survivors. There is no way around it. If you mock or make light of the negative life outcomes he has experienced because you just don’t like him, that means you do not have empathy for abuse survivors. It does not matter if you think doing so protects the people he has harmed (e.g. Max, Lucas, Steve, et cetera). It is still harmful to us.

Now, if you have read all of that and you’re willing to listen then I’m going to talk about Billy’s ACE score down below. I will talk very openly about canon child abuse he faced as well as the implications of his behavior. I will also talk a little bit about what kind of supports a person like Billy would need. If you are not going to respect any of that, then simply do not engage with me. I cannot force you to lift your head out of the sand, and I do not deserve anyone’s vitriol over this. I think I am being very reasonable.

I am going to base Billy’s ACE score off of this questionnaire. It was featured on NPR, and it’s based on the questionnaire used on the CDC-Kaiser Study on ACEs. There are 10 questions. Any ACE score deserves intervention, but keep in mind that an ACE score over 5 is very high. Here are the questions with responses pertaining to Billy’s canon experiences:

1) Before your 18th birthday, did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often… swear at you, insult you, put you down, or humiliate you? Or act in a way that made you afraid that you might be physically hurt?

Billy’s father does swear at him. He insults his appearance. He calls his son a p***y and a f****t. He does this in front of other people. Billy freezes up when threatened by him and acts in ways to avoid being hurt by him. ACE score so far: 1.

2) Before your 18th birthday, did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often…push, grab, slap, or throw something at you?Or ever hit you so hard that you had marks or were injured?

Billy’s father does smack him. He’s pushed him. He’s thrown him to the ground. ACE score so far: 2.

3) Before your 18th birthday, did an adult or person at least five years older than you ever…touch or fondle you or have you touch their body in a sexual way? Or attempt or actually have oral, anal, or vaginal intercourse with you?

This may be controversial, but I think this may be implied. It’s already been discussed that Billy is hyper sexual. This is not typical or healthy behavior, and behavior like this usually indicates a history of sexual abuse. However, we just don’t know 100% other than the fact that adult women have exhibited predatory behavior towards him even before turning 18. ACE score so far: 2 or 3.

4) Before your eighteenth birthday, did you often or very often feel that… no one in your family loved you or thought you were important or special? Or your family didn’t look out for each other, feel close to each other, or support each other?

This is obvious, as it serves as one of Billy’s major conflicts. The last time he felt happy was when he was a young child. His parents fought all the time. His father never supported him. Susan ignores the fact that Neil abuses him. No one showed any interest in his well-being. ACE score so far: 3 or 4.

5) Before your 18th birthday, did you often or very often feel that… you didn’t have enough to eat, had to wear dirty clothes, and had no one to protect you? Or your parents were too drunk or high to take care of you or take you to the doctor if you needed it?

It’s not clear how well Billy’s material needs are met, but there was absolutely no one protecting him in his household. His room, though decorated, is still pretty bare compared to his sister. Billy is fairly independent because no one really takes care of him. ACE score so far: 4 or 5.

6) Before your 18th birthday, was a biological parent ever lost to you through divorce, abandonment, or other reason?

Yes. His parents not only separated/divorced, but his mother abandoned him. He had no choice but to live with his abuser. ACE score so far: 5 or 6.

7) Before your 18th birthday, was your mother or stepmother: often or very often pushed, grabbed, slapped, or had something thrown at her? Or sometimes, often, or very often kicked, bitten, hit with a fist, or hit with something hard? Or ever repeatedly hit over at least a few minutes or threatened with a gun or knife?

Yes. His mother was abused by his father as well, which may have been the motivation behind her leaving. Billy tried to intervene as a child, but his father pushed him down. ACE score so far: 6 or 7.

8) Before your 18th birthday, did you live with anyone who was a problem drinker or alcoholic, or who used street drugs?

Again, this is tricky. Billy is a substance abuser. It is likely that his father is a substance abuser as well, but we just don’t know enough. ACE score so far: 6-8.

9) Before your 18th birthday, was a household member depressed or mentally ill, or did a household member attempt suicide?

This is also tricky. Billy exhibits symptoms of mental illness. I know Dacre mentioned Billy having anxiety recently. It would not surprise me if his mother or father exhibited symptoms of mental illness, too. ACE score so far: 6-9.

10) Before your 18th birthday, did a household member go to prison?

We also don’t know much about this. I believe in Runaway Max, Billy himself has had run-ins with cops. He certainly participates in illegal behavior. I don’t get the feeling that his father actively likes to break the law and I don’t think there’s ever any indication that Neil has been arrested for abusing Billy. Still, it is a possibility that Billy has negative experiences with the legal system. ACE score so far: 6-10.

So, all in all, we know for a fact that Billy has at least an ACE score of 6 with a maximum of 10. What does that mean for him? It is very likely for someone like Billy to develop Complex PTSD as a result. CPTSD usually stems from prolonged trauma rather than a single event. CPTSD makes it difficult for people to form healthy attachments and regulate their emotions. Not only that, but having an ACE score this high is associated with risky behavior, hyper sexuality, and substance abuse.

From the CDC-Kaiser Study, here is a graphic representation of common outcomes experienced by people with high ACEs:

We know Billy dies by supernatural forces, but it is no coincidence that he died young as an abuse survivor with a high ACE score. His inability to form healthy attachments and regulate his emotions isolated him from the support systems that could have helped him. Will didn’t ultimately succumb to the Mindflayer because he had a family who loved him and fought for him. Still, it says a lot that he decided to sacrifice himself after a single person decided to reach out to him and help him even just a little bit through his trauma.

I know many people still want him to make amends for his wrongs, but at that point in his life it was very difficult for him to do so. You have to understand that ACEs are an injury, and if you do not let them heal then a person can never get better. What happens when you say or suggest that someone like him can’t change or doesn’t deserve change or deserved to die like that or the like is you trap abuse survivors in this cycle until they no longer survive.

It is a good thing that people have decided to step outside of that punitive, carceral, ‘revenge’ mindset to humanize an abuse survivor. In doing so they are not “making excuses” but rather recognizing that change and healing cannot take place when we think like that. It is not justice. It does not restore justice to victims of violence. It does not stop the perpetuation of violence. Furthermore, using guilt and shame as a motivator for change does not help people like Billy heal from their trauma because it does not recognize their trauma.

If you still do not like Billy after all of this, I do not care. My goal is not to change minds on that front.

If after this you still think it’s okay to mock the abuse he went through (ie. Joking about his death, joking or justifying his father abusing him, and/or saying he deserved any of it) then YOU are the problem! You have no right to be sanctimonious, because YOUR behavior is as systematically harmful as Billy’s own prejudices and as much as some of you like to parrot that he’s “racist and homophobic” you should know that your mindset disproportionately punishes people marginalized on the basis of race or sexuality.

So please, learn what ACEs are and take them seriously. Do your research on ways to prevent ACEs. Think critically about how people talk about abuse survivors no matter how good or bad they seem. Barring trauma from the supernatural, Billy has one of the highest ACE scores out of any of the characters on the show. The fact that he receives some of the most heinous “criticisms” and there is a complete unwillingness to understand him reflects what people with high ACEs face on a regular basis.

That is a problem you CHOOSE to be complicit in.

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I can help but think about how...

Season 1 Steve was a human antagonist and the only thing 'bad' that happened to him was he thought Nance cheated on him. He bullied Jonathan (not really talking about the camera thing because yeah Jonathan had creepy pictures), was part of the movie sign thing about Nance being a "slut", called Jonathan 'queer' in the slur / derogatory way, and insulted his whole family including a line about Will after the town thought Will was officially dead.

The start of his redemption was him cleaning the graffiti and helping fight the Demogorgon. (Then he further gained it with future season stuff.)

Fast forward to season 2 our new human antagonist in town is Billy who has been verbally abused by his father and then physically presumably since his mother left when he was a child. He's rude to Max but doesn't hurt her. He breaks her things (i.e. skateboard.) Because since he was a kid he's been taught bad ways to deal with anger.

We see a memory of his dad calling him a "pussy" then another of him calling another kid that. It's a learned behavior. It doesn't mean it's okay but that's an explanation for it.

He's implied to be racist against Lucas which is also a learned behavior. (No one is born racist and you can unlearn racism.) I say implied because Darce has stated the reason Billy didn't like Lucas was that he was a boy and he was looking out for Max, because if anything happened to her... Well it wouldn't end well for Billy. Since he was the one acting it I'm more inclined to go with his opinion. However, the same logic can be applied if you go with the way the Duffle Bags wrote him. Billy's dad finds out Max is hanging around with Lucas and that Billy didn't stop it? Same result.

When Billy finds Max at the Byer's towards the end of the season from his perspective, in his own words, Max (a 13-year-old girl) goes missing, he finds her at a stranger's house with Steve (a high school senior), and Steve lies that she's not there because he sees her in the window where he also sees the other boys. He's justified in being wary and not trusting/liking Steve. Again, anything happens to Max and Billy deals with the consequences.

Fast forward to season 3 Billy and Max's relationship has clearly gotten better over the unseen months. He's left her and her friends alone. All bad things he does in this season are excused by being Flayed. In the end he dies protecting El, a girl he's barely met, and yet he's still regarded as a villain/horrible person.

My point...

Steve had 3 seasons after being an antagonist to gain redemption and now everyone loves him. No one ever brings up the bad stuff he did from season 1.

Billy didn't get redemption besides his sacrifice and everyone still hates him for behaviors he didn't get a chance to unlearn.

TL;DR: I find it hypocritical to adore Steve but hate Billy (and people who read/write about him).

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Legitimately saw someone recording their reactions to s2 and they were *laughing* at the scene with Billy and Neil and said how they didn't feel bad at all and they hoped that something like that would happen again so they could see more of it

sometimes i forgot that tiktok is just the worst app for opinions ever. i make billy edits on there and it will literally just be him being hot and ill get comments like "omg are we forgetting he's racist and abusive" or it'll be an edit that's kinda sad and angsty and people will say "doesn't excuse his actions" BITCH STFU DAMN GET OFF MY PAGE i fucking hate y'all idgaf. bitches on tiktok just cannot shut up. same shit they say over and over again like fuck we get it you lack the ability to effectively communicate your issues and bring up more than one same exact point

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*shakes fictional character* where is the rest of your information I want to know more about you

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When Eddie finds Chrissy in the woods and she bumps into him, you can see Eddie put on his best “I’m friendly” smile immediately to make her feel at ease. Also, when he says “are you okay?” after seeing her clearly distressed, his eyes do a really quick flick of her body, as if he’s checking to make sure she doesn’t have an physical injuries that might be making her act the way she is. Eddie made sure Chrissy was okay from their very first moments on screen until their last and I think that is beautiful. Not everyone would try and wake her up from her trance because they would be scared and run away but although Eddie was terrified, he was extremely worried about her and made sure he did everything in his power to try and help her

Exactly.

What galls me most about people disregarding this is that it disregards the pure-heartedness and gentleness of Eddie's character. Like, you don't need to ship them. It doesn't change anything - Eddie cares. He cares about the lost little sheepies, and he cares about Chrissy and that's a beautiful trait to possess especially in a world that doesn't care about him.

And not only does he try to wake her; he is still respecting her boundaries. He doesn't immediately grab her or touch her, he tries to wake her without touching her because she can't consent to being touched in her trance. It's only the last resort when she still doesn't wake and he realizes that she's in very true danger even though he still doesn't know why exactly.

More than anything about a possible relationship, friendship, crush or whatever, all of Eddie's actions in these scenes prove one thing: he has empathy and he cares deeply for those around him, and that's incredibly beautiful.

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what if Steve and Robin had phones?

Stranger Things + Text Post Meme (kinda) 3/?

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Billy Hargrove Deserved To Be Saved

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“But he’s racist” seems to be the ONLY argument antis have against Billy in any situation, and it’s weird.

It’s weird that they call ppl “obsessed” over Billy getting a redemption arc when they’ve decided that his racism is simply the end-all be-all of his entire, complex character.

“Why are you so obsessed with the idea of him being redeemed??” I don’t know, why are you so against the idea that bigoted people can learn and change and grow?

Because even if you go with the base assumption that Billy used that “people you stay away from” line and threatened lucas away from max out of his own personal opinions on black people (which, while not strictly incorrect, is definitely the most boring interpretation), why should that mean he deserves to die? do you know how many people I knew in middle and high school who were complete shitheads?

A fucking lot.

How many of them would I have said deserved to die a violent death?

None.

Why are you looking at a teenager, living in a abusive situation he almost certainly doesn’t have the financial means to escape, and placing such high expectations on his shoulders? Expecting him to break out of the cycle of abuse and unlearn the shitty rhetoric his violent father has taught him at the ripe age of SEVENTEEN is ridiculous.

So no, you don’t have to like Billy… But stop taking the moral high ground when you speak against him. Condemning a teenager to death for the shitty way they choose to cope with abuse does not make you morally superior.

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2x06 // 3x04