otterkli

[otterkli]

I feel like throwing up so bad but I won’t get to a private situation for a while

[otterkli]

The insurmountable weight of living a falsity in love

[otterkli]

"I just wanna feel good and I don’t, especially around you."

[otterkli]

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A collection P.1

It's just a drop in the ocean

A change in the weather

I was praying that you and me might end up together

It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert...

You know the greatest films of all time were never made.

And if my wishes came true, it would have been you.

In my defence I have none, for never leaving well enough alone

I should've known,

That I'm not a princess,

This ain't a fairytale,

I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,

Lead her down the stairwell.

You and I walk a fragile line, I have known it all this time.

Can't turn back now, I'm haunted.

Something keeps me holding on to nothing.

I wanna be the one who makes your day

The one you you think about as you lie awake

I can't wait to be your number one

I'll be your biggest fan and you'll be mine.

Because it all means nothing, my dear

If I can't be holding you near,

Tell me you love me, cause that's all that I need to hear

You give me just enough attention, to keep my hopes too high

Wishful thoughts forget to mention, when somethings really not right

And I will block out these voices of reason in my head

And the voices say "you are not the exception

You will never learn your lesson"

Foolish one, stop checking your mailbox for confessions of love, that ain't never gonna come

And don't say that she's pretty

Did you say that she loved you?

Baby I don't wanna know.

I know I could have loved you but you would not let me

Give me just a chance

You'll never get away from the sound of the woman that loved you.

I've got to get away, I've got to get over But I love you so

Wait by the door like I'm just a kid,

Use my best colours for your portrait,

Lay the table with the fancy shit,

And watch you tolerate it.

If it's all in my head tell me now,

Tell me I've got it wrong somehow.

I know my love should be celebrated,

But you tolerate it.

I greet you with a battle heroes welcome,

I take your indiscretions all in good fun

I made you my temple, my mural my sky,

Now I'm begging for footnotes in the story of your life.

[otterkli]

I guess I always thought that if I forgave, despite no apologies, and supported and loved you through all this time, there would be a certain appreciation from you towards this relationship. I am not saying I believe it is owed to me, because it isn’t. We don’t owe each other anything. What does one ever truly owe another? The world is not symmetrical or built on equitable reciprocity. I can be kind and I can let you know how loved you are but it does not over power my wrongs, and the truth that you have lived. There is no lie in that I have been ugly and wrong. I always thought I knew you, and when you outgrew them I was proud, and envious. You did what I couldn’t, and what I wish I could. I want to say I don’t understand, but obviously I do. But knowing I would do anything for you, and they won’t even say a good word, yet they are granted the kinship, leaves me feeling empty and confused. If I was smart I would dig my way out of this. Nonetheless, I continue to suffocate myself in the chrysalis of my own hope. I need to emerge free and accept facts, rather than the romance that only exists in my own mind. For now I suffocate.