our-thoughts-for-the-devil

[our-thoughts-for-the-devil]

— Albert Camus, The Misunderstanding

[our-thoughts-for-the-devil]

[our-thoughts-for-the-devil]

That bitch.

[our-thoughts-for-the-devil]

I'm only going to this trip because I can feel the end getting closer.

I might as well enjoy this while it lasts.

[our-thoughts-for-the-devil]

She's so boring

[our-thoughts-for-the-devil]

August 8th, 2025 - Mediocre.

─────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───────

I blocked him. I had to. I'm tired of being watched here.

I'm back to being alone. As always.

Today, Ethel Cain released her new album "Willoughby Tucker, I'll Always Love You". However, I didn't listen to it immediately. I had to do a last minute reading for Philosophy.

I had to read 30 chapters of Thus Spoke Zarathustra in under 3 hours before class. For some reason my classmates told me it was a great presentation, they all clapped. And my teacher looked... convinced?

But I know. It was horrible. Mediocre.

Of course it was. I had so much time to get prepared and I did everything on the same day. No notes, just my thoughts... which were obviously a mess.

But I can't say all that. They won't get it.

They just don't understand.

My mother drove me home and she got angry about nothing. I don't know how to talk to her anymore.

I came home and finally listened to the album. I loved it, but I think all these shit didn't let me get inmersed in the music and really feel it. I suffered more with Ethel's other albums.

Well... except for Tempest. I was not prepared for Tempest at all. I cried a lot with that song.

The rest is great, too. But Tempest has my heart. This is my ranking.

Tempest

Dust Bowl

A Knock at the Door

Waco, Texas

Willoughby's Theme

Radio Towers

Nettles

Janie

Willoughby's Interlude

Fuck Me Eyes

Yeah, controversial. I don't care.

Now all I want to do is sleep. This was not a good day for me, even though I listened to Tempest.

I'll finish my sandwich and my bowl of soup and give an excuse to go to bed earlier.

I don't want anyone to see me.

Anyway. Rest well.

Oh wait. You're no longer here.

I'm sorry. I had to.

─────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───────

[our-thoughts-for-the-devil]

Wish I was creative

[our-thoughts-for-the-devil]

age regression but i regress back to the suicidal 15 year old i was

[our-thoughts-for-the-devil]

[our-thoughts-for-the-devil]

Another day trying to disappear.

[our-thoughts-for-the-devil]

Oscar Wilde, from a letter featured in The Selected Letters of Oscar Wilde

[our-thoughts-for-the-devil]

Me :>

[our-thoughts-for-the-devil]

[our-thoughts-for-the-devil]

Zhu Xiang, from a poem titled "Reply to a Dream," featured in Modern Chinese Poetry: An Anthology

[our-thoughts-for-the-devil]

July 30th, 2025 - absent

─────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───────

I spent the whole afternoon trying to disappear.

I was busy with my math homework, so I said I didn't want to read my answers on my geography homework.

And for what? I could only solve two calculations and by the time I solved one of them and I was so happy... she had already explained it. I made a fool of myself again.

I don't even understand logarithmic equations and she already started with exponential ones. "The result is correct, but that's not the procedure I want you to use".

And I know those are stupid things to feel bad about, but what do you expect at this point?

That was when I decided I didn't want to even be acknowledged. I just wanted to disappear.

I locked myself in the classroom and I didn't tell Y. I didn't want her to see me like this. I don't want to keep ruining her life.

Now I have a whole written assignment for environmental geography that's due this friday. That son of a bitch.

I looked at the assignment, my exams, my presentations, the three essays I didn't do in the whole term. I just couldn't think straight.

And I didn't care. I don't care about anything anymore.

I don't care that I ignored Y's messages to go sit with her and E.C. I didn't want to go outside for recess but they would have acknowledged me more if I was the only one inside.

I don't care about my Sociology activity. I don't care about knowing the definition of identity. That was the last thing I needed.

I don't care that I almost got lost on my way home because I took another path to pretty much run away from Y. I don't even care if she waited for me 10 minutes or an hour.

I just don't care.

The only thing I want is a cigarette, or better yet, death.

I can feel the end coming soon.

It'll all be over soon.

─────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───────

Do you like what you see?

Are you satisfied?

[our-thoughts-for-the-devil]

They all know.

How embarrassing.

[our-thoughts-for-the-devil]

I guess Y's "God"'s plan was to make her a better human with self-respect and make me the mean and self-indulgent one.

Can he also make me attract some decent boys and hot girls? Pretty please