overwhelmed-overweight - Tumblr blog

[overwhelmed-overweight]

Why am I an "eat everything" stoner and not an "eat nothing" stoner?

[overwhelmed-overweight]

My boyfriend brought up the idea of moving to South Korea to be closer to his family 🙃 god I'd be a land whale there

[overwhelmed-overweight]

I think I'm gonna have to be 100% sober from everything if I wanna lose weight. Being drunk/high makes me so goddamn weak to food.

[overwhelmed-overweight]

I'm gonna be so fucking for real.

(TW: sex) (NSFW)

My main goal for weight loss isn't sympathy, praise, self-respect, or "lovely diet coke bones uwu" aesthetics.

It's for sex.

I want to be light and fit enough to ride dick so good they can see the secrets of the universe. So I'm not getting tired after 5 minutes. So I'm not listening to my fat rolls slap against their stomach instead of my ass slapping against their thighs.

I want a slender neck and wrists that make it easy for someone's hand to wrap around.

I want to sit on someone's face without worrying about crushing their neck or skull.

I want to stop needing to pull my fat thighs apart in order to be penetrated, and I want to eliminate my disgusting FUPA.

I want to be able to be picked up and thrown around, fucked against the wall, made to feel small, fucked standing up, and bent in an ungodly number of positions.

I want to feel sexier and be able to feel good naked. I want him to see how beautiful I am and for him to compliment me without feeling obligated to.

I want good fucking sex and it's honestly up to me to make it good at this point.

[overwhelmed-overweight]

It hurts when people ask why we aren't married yet.

I know he hasn't proposed because of my weight.

[overwhelmed-overweight]

I don't know if working at a gym is good or bad for me, I'm more health conscious now but I witness thin/fitspo walking through my doors every day, and I see how my male coworkers look at them.

A coworker and I were talking about our "types" and I said I like tall and/or strong women. He shook his head and said "Nah, I only like cute girls, not baddies. I'm in my petite girl phase" while slightly side eyeing me. It felt like a personal jab since I'm as far from cute or petite as you can get. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, though.

When will I stop giving a shit what men think of me? I know it was ingrained into my psyche as a little girl growing up in the 2000s/2010s that we have to look good for men's approval, but I'm so tired of it.

[overwhelmed-overweight]

What if we kissed 🥺👉👈 under our calorie limit?

[overwhelmed-overweight]

Biology is so sexist, why can't my dumb female body be lean muscle and 5% body fat without pumping drugs and fucking up my hormones

[overwhelmed-overweight]

Ahh shit, here we go again

[overwhelmed-overweight]

Despite everything, it's been 1 month since my last binge 💚

[overwhelmed-overweight]

Reasons I Choose Recovery

I want to know what it feels like to love myself for once. I deserve to know.

I don't want to waste another 10 years trapped by my shitty relationship with food.

I've spent the last 4-5 years drunk, high, or both. I want to be present in my own life.

Good health is a privilege, not a right. I don't want to take my body for granted anymore.

There is so much more to me than my weight and my disorder.

Confidence and self-love is sexier than the number on the scale or measuring tape.

I want to glow on my wedding day.

Building muscle feels AMAZING!

Despite what the toxic EDblr mantras want people to believe, there's no point in destroying myself for the sake of weight loss if the only end result is me fitting into a smaller casket.

[overwhelmed-overweight]

Something I've learned in recovery is not to be scared of building muscle. I've jacked up a little since I started focusing on health rather than just weight loss and it really increases your BMR (the calories you burn at rest). My metabolism is really ramping up.

I've been indulging the last few days, tons of baking in particular. Cupcakes, pizza, bread, stuff like that. But despite the freedom I now give myself in eating, I've only gained a pound (yes, 1 pound) from everything. Which is fucking crazy since I'm usually one of those people who breathes in the direction of oil and gains 10lbs.

I've never had a good metabolism before and it's been life-changing in repairing my relationship with food. I know it's hard to consider gaining muscle with an ED since it will make the number on the scale go up, but I do recommend it if you're considering recovery for yourself 💚

I love you all so much, you're worth more than you've ever allowed yourself to believe.

[overwhelmed-overweight]

What does BED recovery look like to me?

Not restricting calories or fasting, but rather trying to re-learn my natural hunger cues and distinguishing them from emotional impulses.

Focusing on strength training at the gym rather than cardio-- in other words, exercising for muscle gain, not just weight loss, aesthetics, and immediate calorie burning.

Identifying binge triggers, such as boredom and stress, and trying to work through them head-on instead of resigning myself to a helplessness mindset.

Finding a life beyond food. Re-engaging with my old hobbies, trying new things, and developing myself as a person in ways that make me happy outside of the realm of eating.

Squashing the feeling that BED is part of my identity, and instead seeing it as a burdensome but manageable affliction that doesn't define me.

Doing things that boost my self-esteem. My body dysmorphia may never fully go away, so I want to at least try to not hate what I see in the mirror by trying new styles of fashion, taking better care of my skin and hair, and maybe even dancing!

Recovery looks different for everyone, but this is how mine looks and even just writing it out and re-reading it was very self-affirming 💚✨️

[overwhelmed-overweight]

Just wanted to make a quick post about the 1 week since I chose recovery!

It's been hard, but I'm starting to learn a lot about myself. I only binged once, which I'm proud of! I'm finally allowing myself to take the time to sit with discomfort and analyze it, and it's definitely helping my mindset. I've started challenging myself in regards to my self-consciousness and body dysmorphia, and I'm actually considering signing up for pole dancing classes. I want to love myself more.

The one thing I miss is the sense of community that this side of Tumblr offers. Not as many people are active on recovery blogs, especially those recovering from BED. It's pretty quiet. Honestly it's the reason I haven't deleted this blog. I come back to read messages and replies because you have all largely been so sweet and supportive, which really helps keep me going, and I just kind of ignore my dash.

Anyway, recovery feels good despite the uncomfortable nature of it. Just wanted to thank you all again for being lovely, and just know that you're all worthy of recovery yourselves 💚

[overwhelmed-overweight]

You can always just admit that you have no self control and leave hun x

Did I ever say I didn't? 🤔 buuuut if you don't want to understand BED that's fine, just keep your ignorance to yourself, thanks ✌️

[overwhelmed-overweight]

Can you please for the love of fuck stop using the tags that you're using? A 220lb body is not 'th1nsp0' 'th1nsp1r@tion' etc thank yew

You know you can always block me, right?

But, admittedly, I shouldn't have used those tags in particular, I just wasn't really paying attention. So, now that I've acknowledged my mistake, feel free to check your fucking attitude ☺️

[overwhelmed-overweight]

I’m so incredibly proud of you for choosing recovery and I wish you the absolute best of luck! Take it easy and take care!

Respectfully, I hope I don’t see you around this part of tumblr again

May be counterintuitive to respons to this, but thank you! It feels okay so far, scary but liberating. I love you all so much and really appreciate your support 💚