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Apple Tree in Blossom, William Stott of Oldham

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Robert Rauschenberg - Stone Roll (Urban Bourbon). 1995

silkscreen ink and acrylic on bonded aluminum 60" x 48"

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At the Lace Fringe of the Tide - Maeve McCarthy , 2004.

Irish , b. 1964 -

Oil on canvas , 99 x 103.5 cm. 39 x 40 3/4 in. 

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Granville Redmond

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Got stoned for the first time in a while last night via outside joint, sitting on the bench alone in the dark to the cacophony of night creatures. The variously lit scenes created by different trees and different artificial light sources. Went back out a bit later to work at some more of it while being watched by one of the neighborhood strays.

Tonight I tried a disposable vape. Nice that I can just do it inside, though while sitting outside last night I wondered to myself why I don't sit out at night more often. When the weather's nice, it's pleasant.

Watched a bunch of music videos on my phone. Feeling very nostalgic for people in my life no longer around. Old friends, family, pets. Hurts deep. But things change, myself included. I sometimes feel so different from the person I was in previous years. But at the same time, very much the same too. I could die at any moment, I try to remind myself. As morbid as it is, it can help keep me grounded.

I feel like life will change again very soon. I'm not sure why, or how. Just a feeling.

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Been on an Erasure kick since thrifting one of their CDs few weeks ago. Been singing this song all day, watched the video like 4 times. So good.

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in the woods

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Zhang Huan (Chinese, b. 1965), Ash Banquet #4, 2021, Paint with ash on linen, 49 x 118 inches.

Raclin Murphy Museum of Art, University of Notre Dame.

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Cranberry harvest on Terschelling, the Netherlands

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Jean-Michel Basquiat (American, 1960-1988), Untitled (ELMAR), 1982. Acrylic, oilstick, spray paint and Xerox collage on canvas, 68 x 93 1/8 in.

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Maybe it's a simple habit to break. Getting caught in the hesitation for the next thing. Preparing, positioning, anticipating. At work anticipating leaving. Driving home anticipating arriving. At home seeking entertainments. Engaging in entertainment seeking a goal. Seeking a goal to fulfill a desire. Fulfilling a desire to become more fulfilled. Becoming more fulfilled to better create my idealized self. Actualizing my idealized self to become my best iteration.

Best for what? For who? At what? Of what?

Of course there are many moments in between that are enjoyed, but they are always so frustratingly ephemeral. That is the nature of things, for better and worse.

The suffering comes from the attachment to desires, the Buddhists say. The solution, to let go? To embrace that fact. Acknowledging that it's an essential element of humanity, and having the wisdom to understand we can't ever dispel it. Only mindfully meditate on the fact and let it be. Our instinct is to recoil away from the negative, and to seek the positive. But it can't always be one way. It's a blessing but it's also a curse, curse, curse..

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Everything leading to something.. leading to something.. leading to something.. leading to something..

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Leon Xu: A Pure Person (2023) acrylic on canvas

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Agnes Martin  Night Sea, 1963

oil, crayon, and gold leaf on linen, 72 in. x 72 in. (182.88 cm x 182.88 cm); The Doris and Donald Fisher Collection at the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art; © Estate of Agnes Martin / Artists Rights Society (ARS), New York