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Masterlist

Genshin Impact

🔞 = Contains Smut, suggestive themes

❗ = Contains triggering content

🧋 = Author's favorites

🌸 = Requests

✨ = Mini-fics

🧧 = AUs

[All contents listed/linked down below are also posted on my AO3]

Imagines/One-Shots:

• An Unfortunate Event (Zhongli x reader) 🧋 [Published on Jan 27, 2022]

Summary of "An Unfortunate Event": You and Zhongli were supposed to have a lovely date, but unfortunately, you ended up falling ill. The two of you end up taking shelter in a cave and Zhongli has to care for you while waiting for the rain to stop.

• Tragic Outcomes (Xiao x fem!reader) 🧋 [Published on February 25, 2022]

Summary of "Tragic Outcomes": You and Xiao are dating, but you don't see him as much as he sees Lumine and Aether. You invite Xiao to accompany you on your commission, but he rejects that offer. Things end up going downhill from there.

• Tragic Outcomes 2 (Xiao x fem!reader x Zhongli) [Published on March 26, 2022]

Summary of "Tragic Outcomes 2": Ever since the incident, Zhongli has offered to take care of you while you heal from your injuries. You had endless nightmares and night terrors that prevented you from sleeping. Just when you thought that your torment was over, it seems like someone didn't want it to end.

• Caught in The Crossfire (Kamisato Ayato x fem!reader) [Published on April 8, 2022] 🧋

Summary of "Caught in The Crossfire": You are engaged to the head of the Kamisato Clan, Kamisato Ayato. Despite the marriage being arranged, you harbored feelings for the young Yashio Commissioner and head of the Kamisato Clan. To you, it seems like Ayato wasn't interested in you at all, much to your dismay. As the head of the Kamisato Clan, Ayato has to deal with a lot of things. From documents to paperwork, to assassination attempts, it was like it was a typical Tuesday afternoon for him. But what if you, his fiancee, were to get caught in the crossfire?

• Tragic Outcomes 3 (Xiao x fem!reader x Zhongli) [Published on April 15, 2022]

Summary of "Tragic Outcomes 3": Ever since you and Xiao have made up, you didn't want to leave Zhongli behind. So, the three of you have decided to alternate between the days when you go to Wangshu Inn to be with Xiao and to Liyue Harbor to be with Zhongli. During the escort, you come to a realization that you didn't want to continue to alternate between two different places to be with Xiao and Zhongli. Xiao then reveals to you about him being constantly haunted by the sounds of your voice crying out to him and you came to a conclusion on how to stay with the two of them in the end. But it seems like something- or someone- is lurking in the corners, waiting to strike.

• Caught in The Crossfire 2 (Kamisato Ayato x fem!reader) [Published on May 28, 2022]

Summary of "Caught in The Crossfire 2": After you have been poisoned, you couldn't help but feel skeptical about the servant that works for the Kamisato estate. When voicing your concerns about the servent, Ayato brushes your concerns away. Only for it to inflict more harm on you.

• Tragic Outcomes 4 (Xiao x fem!reader x Zhongli) [Published on June 4, 2022/June 5, 2022] 🔞

Summary of "Tragic Outcomes 4": After deciding on living at Wangshu Inn with both Xiao and Zhongli, you didn't think much of how it would impact the relationship the three of you have with one another. Xiao and Zhongli agreed to train you in combat and help you improve your stamina in an interesting way. The day after your.... training... session with Xiao and Zhongli, Lumine finds the perfect time to strike, only for it to uncover something that you didn't even know about yourself.

• Outdated Traditions (Zhongli x fem!reader) [Published on August 7, 2022] 🧋, ❗

Summary of "Outdated Traditions": The life of a socialite was fun and exciting, but it wasn't the type of lifestyle you would see yourself in as you grew older. You ended up quitting the socialite life and have decided to work as an assistant for the funeral consultant of Wangsheng Funeral Parlor. Your wealthy parents end up breaking certain news to you, only to put you in a position that you cannot get out of.

• Sleepless Night in Mondstadt (Venti x reader) [Published on August 18, 2022] 🌸

Summary of "Sleepless Night in Mondstadt": You have trouble with falling asleep, so Venti finds the perfect solution to help you fall asleep.

• Praise the Anemo Archon, Barbatos! (Venti x fem!reader) [Published on September 3, 2022] 🌸, 🔞

Summary of "Praise the Anemo Archon, Barbatos!": You are the wife of the anemo archon, Lord Barbatos. You know him as Venti, Lord Barbatos, and your husband. After a steamy morning with your husband, you have decided to explore the City of Freedom and stop by the Cathedral that is dedicated to your husband. After coming across a very devoted follower of your husband, you and the sister butt heads over who is more devoted to the Anemo archon. To show your dedication to your husband, Lord Barbatos, you have decided to offer your body to the said archon.

• Tragic Outcomes 5 (Xiao x fem!reader x Zhongli) [Published on September 18, 2022]

Summary of "Tragic Outcomes 5": After finding out about being an adepti, you wanted to know more about your background and the people that have abandoned you. After Childe gives you information about your background, he tells you that there is another person that is after your head, feeding false information about you to Lumine to fuel her hatred towards you. You, Zhongli, and Xiao take a trip to Mt. Aocang to speak to Cloud Retainer regarding your parents after Childe gives you information about your background.

• Tragic Outcomes 6 (Xiao x fem!reader x Zhongli) [Published on April 23, 2023]

Summary of "Tragic Outcomes 6": It's Xiao's birthday! You and Zhongli plan on making almond tofu to celebrate Xiao's birthday. While you and Zhongli are waiting for Xiao to return, Xiao seems to be a little bit occupied with something on his end that's keeping him out late.

• Caught in the Crossfire 3 (Kamisato Ayato x fem!Reader) [Published on April 30, 2023]

Summary of Caught in the Crossfire 3: You and Ayato were having a tea and snack break when you started to feel strange. You end up falling "ill" (although you felt fine despite having to visit the bathroom to empty your stomach every time you eat), and Ayato calls a doctor to get you checked up to see what was the cause of your sudden sickness.

Series:

Not What You'd Expect [Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader] (One-shot series):

Summary of "Not What You'd Expect [Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader]": Who knew that getting Isekai'd into Genshin Impact would get you into many situations that you've never thought you'd get yourself into! Whether the situation is life-threatening or just one of those soft and fluffy moments, you don't think you'd want to leave the game any time soon! And it seems like they don't want you to leave any time soon either! So, you might as well enjoy your stay while you're at it!

• How to (Not) Play Windtrace (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on February 4, 2022] 🧋

Summary of "How to (Not) Play Windtrace": You’re playing Windtrace with the men of Genshin Impact and last time you checked, this is not how you play it.

• How to (Not) Play Windtrace 2 (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on February 11, 2022] 🧋, 🔞

Summary of "How to (Not) Play Windtrace Part 2": You are the prey in this round of Windtrace; only, it gets pretty heated when a certain hunter finds you. New faces show up when an argument sparked amongst the men after Kazuha, Thoma, and Gorou guide you away from the trouble.

• Valentine's Day Gone Wrong (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on February 17, 2022]

Summary of "Valentine's Day Gone Wrong" (Alternate Title: A Day About Love): You were supposed to celebrate Valentine's Day with the men, but unfortunately, it didn't turn out how you'd hoped it would.

• Crave (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader, Zhongli x Isekai'd!Reader x Diluc) [Published on March 4, 2022] 🔞

Summary of "Crave": Your need for physical touch ends up putting you into a situation where you would never see yourself getting into up until now.

• Obsessed with You (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on March 12, 2022] 🧋

Summary of "Obsessed with You": All you wanted was the Rex Lapis jumbo-sized plushie, but did you know what else you got aside from the colossal Rex Lapis plushie? A stalker.

• Drinks of Teyvat (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on March 18, 2022]

Summary of "Drinks of Teyvat": You never thought that you'd have to deal with alcohol in Teyvat anytime soon until Venti, Kaeya, and Kazuha come back to the abode with loads of alcohol. You do a taste on these alcohols and it doesn't turn out so well. But hey, at least you didn't get drunk! That's a good thing, right?

• Constellations (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on April 2, 2022] 🧋

Summary of "Constellations": The men wanted to know what constellations are, but you were reluctant on what to tell them. Especially after they wanted to know which person had all of their constellations. Looks like you're going to have to break all of their hearts except for one person.

• Words that Should Have Been Left Unsaid (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on April 23, 2022]

Summary of "Words that Should Have Been Left Unsaid": Sometimes people say the meanest things in the heat of the moment. You’re hiding the fact that something is going on with you, but you didn’t want to worry the men. But because you were hiding something from them, it ticked off one person in particular and made him say something that should’ve been left unsaid.

• First Crush and First Love (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on April 30, 2022/May 1, 2022]

Summary of "First Crush and First Love": Everyone has a first crush and their first love! Whether it's a real person or a fictional character, the fifteen men (specifically Childe) are curious about who was the first one to have stolen your heart.

• Overprotective with a Hint of Jealousy (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on May 7, 2022]

Summary of "Overprotective with a Hint of Jealousy": You knew that the men are protective over you because many things happened to you while you were in Teyvat. Even though you knew they were all protective of you, you couldn't help but have an inkling feeling that a certain someone isn't as nearly as protective of you as they are with someone that no longer exists.

• Seal of Disapproval (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on May 14, 2022/May 15, 2022] 🧧

Summary of "Seal of Disapproval": An AU in which you have a boyfriend, but the fifteen men do not approve of him at all. In fact, they all hate him and want nothing to do with the man. If the men have a hard time accepting your relationship with another man, then why are you still with him and what's stopping you from breaking up with him?

• A Small Problem (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on May 21, 2022] 🧋

Summary of "A Small Problem": Albedo was coming up with a concoction that would strengthen the men during combat. But one little mix-up caused you to become a parent for a day.

• Crave 2 (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader, Childe x Isekai'd!Reader, Foul Legacy x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on June 11, 2022] 🔞, ❗

Summary of "Crave 2": You end up having an interesting dream about Childe's Foul Legacy form, causing you to feel guilty about it. You end up ignoring him for two days, only for Childe to confront you at the bathhouse as to why you were ignoring him. One thing led to another, you suddenly find Childe buried deep inside of you.

• Words that Should Have Been Left Unsaid 2 (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on June 18, 2022]

Summary of "Word that Should Have Been Left Unsaid 2": After struggling to wake you up from your slumber, the men have to figure out what is going on with you and what was causing you to be in a terrible state. While you have gained consciousness, it was hard for you to stay awake and you continued to have a thundering headache, and sometimes your nose, eyes, mouth, and ears will randomly bleed, causing you to lose consciousness. What was going on with you?

• Malewives Reporting for Duty (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on June 25, 2022/June 26, 2022] 🌸

Summary of "Malewives Reporting for Duty": You somehow mysteriously get sick despite feeling fine the day before. Since you're sick and can't care for yourself, the Genshin men step up and take care of you while you're ill. After the men have successfully nursed you back to being healthy, you repay them back by making them breakfast.

• Drunken Desires (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on July 2, 2022] 🌸

Summary of "Drunken Desires": You've consumed way more alcohol than you thought. You ended up getting drunk from drinking an entire bottle of wine, causing you to not remember certain men and the fact that you're not dating them. And you mistook the fifteen men for strangers whom you've cheated on your boyfriends with (spoiler, you didn't cheat on anyone, you're just drunk and confused as fuck)

• Blood, Cramps, and Mood Swings (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on July 9, 2022/July 10, 2022] 🌸

Summary of "Blood, Cramps, and Mood Swings": You suddenly have your period while in Teyvat after months of not having it. The men have to deal with your mood swings while you have to deal with the blood clots coming out of you, making you feel like a ketchup packet, the excruciating cramps, and jealousy.

• Crave 3 (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader, Itto x Isekai'd!Reader, Xiao x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on July 16, 2022/July 17, 2022] 🔞

Summary of "Crave 3": After Itto had carried you out of the bathhouse, it was now Itto's turn to show you what it's like to actually have sex (no offense to the other men). After Itto had wrecked your insides, and you struggled to walk, Xiao assists you to your room! A notebook catches Xiao's eyes and his curiosity got the best of him, only for him to find himself balls deep inside of you.

• Wolves in Sheep's Clothing (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on July 23, 2022]

Summary of "Wolves in Sheep's Clothing": The fifteen men were reluctant to let you go out to Teyvat with Aether and Heizou because not only are they protective over you, but they have separation anxiety (and so do you). After convincing the fifteen men to grant your, Aether, and Heizou's wishes, you three set foot to Teyvat to hang out! Only, you ended up getting separated from Heizou and Aether, leaving you all alone in Teyvat. While frantically searching for Heizou and Aether, you run into a group of people that pose a threat to your safety. At least, that's what your seventeen (yes, seventeen) boyfriends think.

• By the Seashore (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on July 30, 2022/July 31, 2022] 🌸, 🔞

Summary of "By the Seashore": The heatwave in Teyvat is making you and the twenty-one (yes, twenty-one) men suffer. In order to not suffer from the intense heatwave in Teyvat and the abode, the twenty-two of you decided to take a trip down to the seashore of Yaoguang Shaol and visit the heart-shaped island.

• Through the Kamera Lens | Obsessed with You 2 (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on August 13, 2022] 🧋, 🔞, ❗

Summary of "Through the Kamera Lens | Obsessed with You 2": Itto has gotten a new kamera from the Deputy of the Arataki Gang, Kuki Shinobu. He decides to take pictures with every chance he gets and has chosen you to be the model for his candid shots. At first, you didn't mind that it was Itto that was taking these pictures of you, but what if it wasn't just Itto that had been taking pictures of you while you were unaware of it? Random pictures of you start to appear in your bedroom, and soon, these pictures are accompanied by letters from your new secret admirer.

• A New Friend (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on August 20, 2022] 🌸, ❗

Summary of "A New Friend": You made a new friend, and you were so excited about it! But for some reason, your boyfriends don't approve of her (other than the four Harbingers), you beg for your boyfriends to give her a chance, but that ends up being your biggest mistake.

• The Soul Puppet (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on August 27, 2022/August 28, 2022] 🌸 , ❗️, 🧋

Summary of "The Soul Puppet": You and the men were spending time together at the Mid-Autumn Festival at Liyue Harbor when a merchant called you over to show off a necklace that might interest you. After seeing how much the necklace cost, you refused to buy it. The merchant demands that you take the necklace, and you reluctantly take it in the end. Who knew that things would go downhill from there that cost your life?

• Crave 4 (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader, Kamisato Ayato x Isekai'd!Reader, Thoma x Isekai'd!Reader, Kamisato Ayato x Isekai'd!Reader x Thoma) [Published on September 10, 2022/September 11, 2022] 🔞

Summary of "Crave 4": Ayato and Thoma have decided to take you to the Kamisato Estate to show you what they do in their day-to-day lives! At first, the other men did not agree to let you stay at the Kamisato Estate for two or three days just to see what the two men do on a daily basis but soon gave in. Instead of learning what Ayato and Thoma do, you find yourself being stuffed with their cocks instead.

• Crash Landing in Teyvat (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader, minor Lumine x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on September 24. 2022]

Summary of "Crash Landing in Teyvat": You’re having the worst day ever. You failed your sociology exam, your laptop was ruined because your backpack was soaked due to the rain, your mother compared you to your cousin, and you lost a friend. Instead of working on your university assignments, you decided to take a nap instead. Only to wake up and find out that you’ve been Isekai’d into Genshin Impact.

• Mixed Signals (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on October 1, 2022/October 2, 2022]

Summary of "Mixed Signals": Why do pregnancy and menstrual cycles have the same symptoms? Not only does it cause anxiety, but it gives out mixed signals.

• Secrets and Doubts (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on October 9, 2022]

Summary of "Secrets and Doubts": You landed your first-ever job in Inazuma City! You wanted to keep it a secret away from the men for now because, well, you don’t know how they’d react if they knew what your job was. Because of your secrecy and strange behavior, your secrecy made the men suspicious of you.

• Secrets of the Akademiya (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on October 16, 2022] 🌸

Summary of "Secrets of the Akademiya": You applied to be a student at the Akademiya and were accepted! What you had in mind was to study and do well in school. What you didn't expect was to go on a field trip to the Mausoleum of King Deshret where everything goes downhill from there.

• In Loving Memory (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on October 23, 2022]

Summary of "In Loving Memory": While exploring Inazuma, Watasumi Island, and Stormterror's Lair with the men, you guys run into people with familiar faces.

• Eating for Two | Mixed Signals Alternate Ending (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on October 30, 2022] 🔞

Summary of "Eating for Two | Mixed Signals Alternate Ending": You are officially eating for two people! Even though you didn't think you'd become a parent, it happened (in this alternate ending), and people around you are pretty excited about your pregnancy and the birth of your child.

• Special Day (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on November 1, 2022] 🧋

Summary of "Special Day": It's a special day for you, and the men are determined to make you a birthday cake before the clock strikes midnight.

• Haus of Harbingers (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on November 6, 2022]

Summary of "Haus of Harbingers": You've always wanted to see the inside of the Harbingers' estate, and now you finally did! You never knew why the men didn't want you to go over there to visit other than because the estate belonged to the four Harbingers. Who knew that this would be the first and last time you visited the Haus of Harbingers.

• The Return of the Yakshas (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on November 13, 2022]

Summary of "The Return of the Yakshas": The four Yakshas are back, and they are going to make sure that you take a break from your studies. One wrong move from Bosacius makes Xiao wish that the Yakshas returned to their graves. Oh, and the men bond with each other at the Chasm! Lots of wholesomeness on that end.

• Into the Void (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on November 20, 2022] 🌸

Summary of "Into the Void": You never had a single thought about falling into the Abyss until it happened to you while you were in Sumeru trying to gather some Viparyas for your research. Who knew that you being a mortal, would be stripped from you so soon all because the Abyss needed a new ruler.

• Irresistible (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on November 27, 2022] 🧋

Summary of "Irresistible": You invite Kaveh to lunch at the abode with the men! While at the abode, Kaveh notices how the men crave for your attention and affection. You and Kaveh have a small (playful) argument. You two can't seem to resist each other, huh?

• Little Moments with You (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on December 4, 2022]

Summary for "Little Moments with You": You and the men cherish every moment with each other; while going on with your day after coming home from the Akademiya, the things that you do and say make a few men in the estate think about the little moments with you.

• Another Small Problem (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on December 11, 2022] 🌸

Summary of "Another Small Problem": After the first incident of your boyfriends turning into children (except for Zhongli and the newly added men to the harem), the men find themselves having to deal with another small problem that relates to the previous issue. You turning into a child.

• Keep Your Voice Down (Al Haitham x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on December 15, 2022] 🔞, ✨

Summary of "Keep Your Voice Down": Al Haitham fucks you on the Grand Sage's desk at House of Daena. You tried your best to keep your voice down, but the feeling of Al Haitham hammering your insides with his fat cock makes it hard for you to keep your mouth shut.

• How to (Not) Play Windtrace 3 (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on December 18, 2022]

Summary of "How to (Not) Play Windtrace 3": You and the men are officially playing Windtrace again after a while! This time, new people are added to the game, and it makes the game more challenging! Or, at least, that's what you thought until someone found you a minute or two into the game. You all end up changing the venue of the game, and you end up meeting a "new face."

• Give 'Em a Show (Pierro x Isekai'd!Reader (x Capitano)) [Published on December 23, 2022] 🔞, ✨

Summary of "Give 'Em a Show": Pierro fucks you until your vision becomes white when you cum. You're put in a situation where your naked body is on display for others to see. Specifically when you're getting railed by the first Harbinger.

• Crave 5 (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader, Albedo x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on December 25, 2022] 🔞

Summary of "Crave 5": You and Albedo go to Dragonspine to conduct an experiment on whether plants from another region can survive Dragonspine's climate and soil. While conducting an experiment, you get really cold, and Albedo gives you a warming potion to drink that should keep you warm for the next few hours. Unfortunately, the potion isn't a warming potion. Instead, it's an unknown potion that contains an aphrodisiac.

• Golden Hour (Zhongli x isekai'd!Reader) [Published on December 31, 2022] 🔞, 🧋, ✨

Summary of "Golden Hour": It's Zhongli's birthday, and you take him out to Liyue Harbor to celebrate it! You wake up before the golden hour to bake him a cupcake for his birthday, and you get your guts rearranged by Zhongli during the golden hour while the sun is setting. What a way to celebrate the former Geo archon's birthday.

• Actions Have Consequences (Various Genshin men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on January 1, 2023] 🌸, ❗

Summary of "Actions Have Consequences": Lately, you have been pranking the men around the estate, and the men are getting tired of it. Yes, your pranks are harmless, but they're starting to get old. Instead of speaking to you about the pranks, like how Gorou suggested, Itto and Childe decide to prank you back with the cruelest joke that causes more harm than good. Who knew that actions have consequences?

• The Lonely God (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader/Creator!Reader) [Published on January 8, 2023] 🧧

Summary of "The Lonely God": You're the creator of all things! Everyone in Teyvat worships you; even their ancestors worship you! You answer prayers and make miracles happen. But you know what's ironic, though? Despite you being worshipped by many, you couldn't help but feel lonely. You yearn for friendship and attempt to bond with the twenty-five men who are tasked to protect you while you're in Teyvat. Oh, and you're also not the best at expressing your feelings.

• The Copycat (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on January 15, 2023]

Summary of "The Copycat": You have a classmate who ends up being a close acquaintance of yours (you wouldn't really consider them as a friend). You two seem to get along just fine until you find out that they're trying to be just like you.

• A Star from Another Universe (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader/Idol Reader) [Published on January 22, 2023] 🧧

Summary of "A Star from Another Universe": What if Alice found you when you first arrived in Teyvat? Alice nursed you back to health, and you stayed with her until you healed. One day, Alice goes up to you while you're babysitting Klee and asks you what your thoughts are on becoming an idol.

• Your Highness (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader/Royal!Reader) [Published on January 29, 2023] 🧧

Summary of "Your Highness": Imagine your retainer (Heizou) waking you up from your slumber, telling you to get up and get ready for the day before high-profiled visitors arrive to the kingdom. Who are these high-profiled visitors, you may ask? Oh, they're the people your parents have chosen for you to get married to! Speaking of getting married, you're unaware of the arranged marriage situation until Heizou woke you up from your slumber. So, Your Highness, who are you going to pick to be your future husband?

• Drawn to You (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on February 5, 2023] 🧋

Summary of "Drawn to You": You are Lumine, Aether, and Paimon's new traveling companion! Your existence is unknown and the four of you have been journeying around Teyvat, searching for who you are. Unfortunately, there are no records of you existing in any regions of Teyvat. Lumine, Aether, and Paimon introduce you to many new people, who cannot help but be drawn to you.

• Failed Attempts (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on February 12, 2023]

Summary of "Failed Attempts": An AU in which you and the men aren't dating (yet). This is about the men and their failed attempts at flirting with you and getting some alone time with you away from the others.

• They Don't Deserve You (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on February 19, 2023] 🌸

Summary of "They Don't Deserve You": Before going to bed, you suffer a painful headache. Baizhu, Dottore, Albedo, and Tighnari couldn't pinpoint the issue. Right before falling asleep, the headache comes back and knocks you unconscious. You end up waking up back in your world, only you didn't wake up alone in your bedroom. The men have teleported into your world with you.

• Insecurities and Jealousy (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader, Zhongli x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on February 26, 2023] 🌸, 🧋, 🔞

Summary of "Insecurities and Jealousy": Your insecurity and jealousy get the best of you, causing you to overthink. You assumed Zhongli would leave you for someone else because she (Lumine) looks a tiny bit like Guizhong (according to Venti). The tension between you and Zhongli proceeds to grow, thus you demand that Zhongli prove that he cares about you when the twenty-four men leave your bedroom to give you and Zhongli some privacy to speak.

• Crave 6 (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader, Dainsleif x Isekai'd!Reader x Kaeya) [Published on March 5, 2023] 🔞

Summary of "Crave 6": You're going adventuring to the ruins on your own! The men will accompany you on the first part of your exploration to get rid of the monsters that are roaming around and you'll continue your exploration after they eliminate the monsters. Just when you think you're in the ruins alone, two people make their appearance known after watching your little performance.

• Our Dear Creator (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader/Creator!Reader) [Published on March 12, 2022] 🧧

Summary of "Our Dear Creator": The men are assigned to be at your side at all times and even though they are your most loyal followers, you consider them to be your friends and protectors. These men are not only devoted to you, but they will not hesitate to kill for you if they have to.

• Burning Desire (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on March 19, 2023] 🔞

Summary of "Burning Desire": You and the men are exploring the Chasm to search for the flower dubbed the Scent of Spring. A rare flower that is the last of its kind. While trying to pull the flower from the cracks in the wall, the flower sprays a strange powder all over you. When the flower sprays powder all over you, you end up inhaling a large amount of it.

• Suitors (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on March 26, 2023]

Summary of "Suitors": Many people in Teyvat knows about your relationship with twenty-five men. Though, they disregard it and continue to try to set you up with someone they know. What happens when one of your "suitors" ends up being wanted by the Fatui?

• The Men Who Worry a Lot (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on April 2, 2023]

Summary of "The Men Who Worry a Lot": Ever since you got pregnant, the men have been worrying about you and the baby. Your hunger skyrocketed, your hormones are all over the place, and your immune system is weaker and cannot fight off infections as much as it could before you were pregnant. You sometimes wander off alone when you’re out of the abode with the men. Can you really blame the men for worrying so much about you while you’re heavily pregnant?

• Burning Desire 2 [Scaramouche's Route] (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader, Scaramouche x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on April 9, 2023] 🔞

Summary of "Burning Desire 2 [Scaramouche's Route]": After inhaling a large amount of aphrodisiac, you’re now struggling to hold yourself together. You're burning with desire and desperate to extinguish the fiery pit in your stomach. Still, you're hesitant about having one of your boyfriends help you with your problem. Who knew that the first person to “help” you with your problem would only make it worse for you by teasing you and calling you names.

• At Arm's Length (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on April 16, 2023] 🧧

Summary of "At Arm's Length": After being forced into a marriage with the twenty-five men— technically, you agreed to it, so you weren't really forced into it, you couldn't help but yearn for a genuine connection with the men. You end up expressing your feelings about your marriage with your twenty-five husbands to Lumine, who is also your sister in law.

• Oh, Baby! (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on April 23, 2023] ✨

Summary of "Oh, Baby!": Congratulations! You and the men are officially a parent to a newborn son! You thought you were prepared to be a parent because of the parenting books you and the men bought during your pregnancy. But boy, you and the men weren't prepared for your child to be so clingy to you.

• Connection (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on April 23, 2023] ✨, 🧧

Summary of Connection: Imagine waking up, and twenty-five men are trying to convince you that you're their soulmate. Of course, you don't believe in such a thing because it sounds silly from how they're explaining. Until you made a slip-up.

• Beyond the Stars (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader x Various HSR Men) [Published on May 7, 2023]

Summary of "Beyond the Stars": You were having a relaxing day at Yaoguang Shoal all alone, decompressing from the grueling week that is finals week at the Akademiya. Just when you thought you'll be able to relax and unwind, eight outlanders decided to ruin that all because they were searching for you.

• Seeking Solace (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on May 14, 2023]

Summary of "Seeking Solace": You're feeling sad and unmotivated. It's hard for you to get out of bed and go downstairs to eat. The twenty-five men comfort you and keep you company. Just when you thought it would happen for only a day, it dragged on to the next day.

• The Unexpected (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on May 21, 2023]

Summary of "The Unexpected": You never really think much about how long you'll be on Teyvat. You're not from the men's universe and everyone knows that. It's not possible for you to be gifted a vision from Celestia, or at least that's what you and the men assumed. Who knew that getting kidnapped overnight and disappearing without a trace ends up with you having a vision.

• Sick Days (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on May 28, 2023] ✨

Summary of "Sick Days": Eighteen out of twenty-five men are sick, and you (and the other seven men who aren't sick) try to take care of the sick men who have fallen ill. Just when you thought they were already needier, they're even needier when they're sick.

• Attached to the Hips (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on June 4, 2023]

Summary of "Attached to the Hips": You thought you were a clingy lover until these men came into your life. You and the men are attached to the hip, and they will follow you everywhere you go.

• A Guide on How to Study (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on June 11, 2023] ✨

Summary of "A Guide on How to Study": You have been studying for three final exams that are looming over you. You stayed up countless nights to study, but you're not retaining any information in your notes and study guides. Luckily for you, your twenty-five boyfriends have the perfect guide on how to study for your final exams.

• Just for You (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader x Various HSR Men) [Published on June 18, 2023] ✨

Summary of "Just for You": Ever since the eight outlanders arrived to Teyvat, the men have been on edge. Your twenty-five boyfriends (mainly Childe and Al Haitham) show the eight outlanders that you belong to them. Things start to escalate, only to end with you sandwiched between Capitano and Blade.

• Burning Desire 3 [Tighnari's Route] (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on June 25, 2023] 🔞

Summary of Burning Desire 3 [Tighnari's Route]: After Scaramouche leaves your room, Tighnari offers to take care of you while you try to recover from your previous session with Scaramouche. While waiting for Tighnari to run you a bath, the burning pit in your stomach persists, leading to you attempting to relieve yourself from the desire. The aphrodisiac continues running in your system, making it nearly impossible to control yourself.

• Predator vs. Prey (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on July 2, 2023]

Summary of "Predator vs. Prey": You're put to the test on how well you can escape in case people are hunting you down. Your trial was going well in the beginning until you ran into the predators the men are training you to run away from.

• Lost and Found (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader, Neuvillette x Isekai'd!Reader x Wriothesley) [Published on July 8, 2023] ✨

Summary of "Lost and Found": You and your boyfriends end up getting separated in the City of Justice, causing you to scramble all over the city searching for them, only to no avail. Two handsome and well-dressed men from Fontaine offer to help you search for your significant others.

• The Soul Puppet 2 (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on July 9, 2023]

Summary of "The Soul Puppet 2": After the incident with the two ancient gods possessing your body and using you as a vessel, you were left to battle for your life as you're hanging by a thread. The Adeptis soon infuse you with Adeptal energy to save your life, only for it to go downhill from there.

• Crave 7 (Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader, Scaramouche x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on July 16, 2023] 🔞

Summary of "Crave 7": You and Scaramouche go to Inazuma City together! Even though Scaramouche is (reluctantly) accompanying you to the City of Eternity, you can't help but feel like you're forcing him to go with you. The next thing you know, you and Scaramouche booked a motel room overnight because of a sudden weather change.

- HONKAI STAR RAIL: -

Brightest Star in the Universe [Various Honkai Star Rail Men x Isekai'd!reader] (One-shot series):

Summary of "Brightest Star in the Universe [Various Honkai Star Rail Men x Isekai'd!Reader]: You were thrust into the world of Honkai Star Rail without warning and any recollection of your memory. Blade and Kafka refer to you as the fallen star. You don't know what it means, and you think it sounds ridiculous. After meeting the men from the Honkai Star Rail universe, these men can't help but feel drawn to you. As if there's this invisible line that's pulling them closer to you. Just when you thought your stay in the Honkai Star Rail universe couldn't get any weirder, the universe keeps proving you wrong.

• The Fallen Star (Various Honkai Star Rail Men x Isekai'd!reader) [Published on May 28, 2023] 🧋

Summary of "The Fallen Star": You wake up in a void and see someone towering over you. He's breathtaking and covers the sun and sky. One minute you are talking to him, but then you gain consciousness. You wake up to a silver-haired man giving you (failed) CPR, only to find yourself on the Xianzhou Luofu with four other people who soon later become your (temporary?) traveling companions.

• Written in the Stars (Various Honkai Star Rail Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on June 4, 2023]

Summary of "Written in the Stars": Your existence in the world of Honkai Star Rail continues to be a mystery, but General Jing Yuan thinks he can help you regain your memory and find out your origins. Who knew that your chances of meeting them was written in the stars.

• Pictures of a Shining Star (Various Honkai Star Rail Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on June 11, 2023]

Summary of "Pictures of a Shining Star": Nanook's sudden disappearance has left you feeling sad. To cheer you up, and without your knowledge, Mr. Yang, Dan Heng, Caelus, March, and Himeko decided to get you a phone! March appoints herself as your unofficial official photographer and decides to take pictures of the littlest things for you and sends them your (and the men's) way.

• Yanqing's Babysitting Service (Various Honkai Star Rail Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on June 18, 2023] ✨

Summary of "Yanqing's Babysitting Service": Your traveling companions have matters to deal with at the Xianzhou Luofu. General Jing Yuan assigns Yanqing, his retainer, to be your babysitter for the day! You and Yanqing were supposed to search for puzzles to complete on the Xianzhou Luofu while the others are occupied, but instead, you two go to Boulder Town.

• Feelings (Various Honkai Star Rail Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on June 25, 2023] 🔞

Summary of "Feelings": You have a dream about having the steamiest makeout session with the Aeon of Destruction. Your dreams about Nanook and your interaction with the nine men make you question your feelings for the men. Not only were you the one questioning how you felt toward the nine men, but they began to question it as well. Yes, they have feelings for you, but how much longer can these men bury their feelings for you?

• Prisoner of the Mind (Various Honkai Star Rail Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on July 2, 2023] 🧋

Summary of "Prisoner of the Mind": You couldn't join March, Mr. Yang, Dan Heng, and Caelus on their trip to Jarilo-VI after Gepard and Sampo informed them of an issue in Belobog. The Astral Express is under attack, putting you and Pom-Pom in a dangerous situation, leading to you sacrificing yourself to save the train's conductor. Needless to say, the Aeon of Destruction was not too pleased about it.

• The Star that Enchants (Various Honkai Star Rail Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on July 9, 2023]

Summary of "The Star that Enchants": Ever since Nanook decided to tag along on your journey across the stars, the men have been tensed around the Aeon of Destruction. Nanook notices the men have taken an interest in you and have decided to test their patience and show them who you belong to. Can they blame you? It's not your fault you unknowingly enchant people easily.

• Double Whammy (Various Honkai Star Rail Men x Isekai'd!Reader) [Published on July 16, 2023]

Summary of "Double Whammy": You wake up one day feeling unwell. You discover you have started your period, and not only are you menstruating, but you also have a fever. You're sick, you're menstruating, and you have awful cramps. It's a double whammy you didn't think you would have to deal with in the men's universe, but alas, Lady Luck is not on your side.

Minis:

Minis are from asks that contain a mini-story (kind of)!

• The men sharing baths and the reader walks in: [here] 🧋

• Reader asking Dainsleif and Ayato if they could sleep in Ayato and Dainsleif's room because they can't sleep during a storm: [here]

• The Genshin men having to deal with Isekai'd!Reader being on their period (Isekai'd!reader leans towards fem/afab!reader): [here] 🧋, 🔞

• Reader has poor eyesight and has been hiding the fact that they cannot see without glasses from the Genshin men: [here]

• Reader is rich and spends a crap ton of money without batting an eye: [here]

• The Genshin men trading photos of you with each other as a way to bond with one another: [here]

4K notes · View notes

neminemm · 2 months ago

Text

wind breaker || another style collection [ 1 ] [ 2 ] [ 3 ] [ 4 ]

2K notes · View notes

neminemm · 2 months ago

Note

This is so sweet and beautifully written 🥹💓

Helloooo! I was wondering if you are taking requests for Wind Breaker?

If yes, can I ask for a story or headcanons about Suo meeting and getting curious (and eventually falling for) a f.reader who is like a princess for Shishitoren?

In my head it would be funny to see Suo challenging and interacting with Choji and Togame (who are already threatening Suo to stay away from the reader). I mean, he can be kind of mean when he wants, and still wear a smile.😆

Thanks for hearing me out!

And let me say, I realllyyyy love the way you write!🩷

Shishitoren's Princess (& Her Guard Dog) | Hayato Suo x Reader

Word Count: 7471

୨ৎ Read me before interacting!

୨ৎ Pairing: Hayato Suo x Reader feat. Shishitoren (literally most of them), Jo Togame, Choji Tomiyama, Mitsuki Kiryu, Haruka Sakura, Akihiko Nire

୨ৎ Warnings: mdni, f!reader, manga spoilers, ooc (definitely ooc sorry ah), angst, harassment, swearing, kissing, miscommunication – if I’ve missed one, I apologize + please let me know!

୨ৎ Note: oh my goodness – I'm actually so sorry for how this took me (and how long this is ૮꒰◞ ˕ ◟ ྀི꒱ა). I loved loved loved this idea so much, and thank you for the sweetest words! I really hope this is somewhere in the ballpark of what you were requesting! Thank you again for the amazing idea! I love you!

You hadn’t meant to cross over to their territory – truly. It’s just that Togame had mentioned that his favorite Ramune flavor had been out since last night, and Tomiyama had been going on and on about this new snack that just wasn’t available at the usual corner store that you guys frequented, so you found yourself with a mission on your mind and your wallet in your hand.

Pretty, perfect, caring adorable you. With a smile that could heal any scratch and a heart that seemed to never run empty. You were the pride and joy of Shishitoren – their mascot in every sense.

You knew everyone by name. If someone asked, you could name at least 5 things about each person from the top of your head. You could name their allergies, their likes and dislikes, and even their interests – all because you listened to them.

You were attentive and warm – quick to lend an ear if someone was having a bad day or offer advice if they asked.

And it was scary how well you could tell if they were in the dumps – it becomes a running joke that you have some kind of emotional superpower when it comes to them. It takes just one look, one look before you’re bringing them to a secluded corner and asking them if they’ve got something weighing on their minds.

You knew their personalities, knew their stories, knew their hearts.

The only time anyone avoided you was when they knew they did something wrong – because they knew you’d be pulling them by the ear and scolding them. And, as much as some of them wanted to get mad, they just couldn’t bring themselves to – because having someone care for them so fiercely was a feeling that not many of them had ever experienced, and from the bottom of your heart you truly cared.

After every fight, they knew you’d be the one to patch them up. Bofurin had the townspeople, sure, but Shishitoren had you. You, who would set up tables in the Ori with every inch of space taken up by ointments, antiseptic spray, gauze – the works. Whatever injury they had, as long as not severe, was taken care of by you.

If it was serious and required hospital attention, you were the one bringing them there – eyes sharp and tongue at the ready to yell at anyone who dared to treat them differently or deny services.

And these boys … they had the utmost respect for you. You, who had nothing but love to give, never expected a single thing back. You cared for them, genuinely, and saw them as your own brothers to fuss over and worry about and love.

You were family – and honestly, Togame and Tomiyama were just glad to have met you after their fight with Bofurin.

You’d moved to this side of town just a little after the whole thing, and when you’d gotten lost in the dark alleys with your phone on 1% and tears in your eyes, it was Tomiyama who walked you home. He’d talked your ear off the whole way, of course, but he was surprised at how you were able to keep up with him. You were actively responding to him, asking questions, keeping the conversation going – and Tomiyama liked that.

And when you’re delivered safely to your front door, you ask if you can exchange contact info. His eyes light up, and he’s quickly saying yes and that he’d love to hang out with you again.

He doesn’t expect you to reach out to him the next day though, asking if you can give him a thank-you present for going out of his way the day before.

And when you show up to the Ori, with a bag of assorted goodies in your hands, you’re met with more men than you could count, all with eyes staring wide at you.

They expect you to run away, honestly, because they know what they look like. They know that you’re probably a sweet girl, sure, but they were a gang – plain and simple. A gang working on reform, sure, but a gang nonetheless. So, if you were to drop your little goodie bag in fear and run for your life, well, it would probably be the most appropriate response.

Instead, what you do is gasp, point an accusatory finger at Tomiyama, and exclaim, “WHY didn’t you tell me that there would be more people here?”

You quickly hand him the bag, muttering out an “I’ll be back”, and in less than 30 minutes you’ve got your hands full with 5 more bags, packed to the brim with even more snacks.

With Togame, it takes just a little bit longer for him to warm up to you. Not that he doesn’t already like you – it’s just that he’s, well, a bit more reserved and a bit more quiet and observing (a lot more quiet if we’re comparing him to Tomiyama).

It’s when, during a fleeting conversation, he mentions that he plays Go with the elderly men at the public bath – and he watches you perk up at his words. Immediately, you’re asking if it would be alright to play with him sometime, and while he’s hesitant, he ultimately says yes at the sight of your bright eyes and wide smile.

He admits that he thinks you’re just bluffing, until you actually plan a day to play, and now you’ve got him thinking that maybe you’re good? Maybe, you’re a secret Go prodigy or something? Maybe you’ve got a secret or two up your sleeve and –

He wipes the floor with you. Absolutely demolishes you. But you’re happy about it, laughing at the result, and he’s confused because you didn’t win? Did you … did you know how board games work?

You’re quick to tell him that you enjoyed it because you got to spend time with him, got to know who he is as a person because of how he played.

You leave him standing on the street, a bottle of Ramune long forgotten in his hand (his prize for winning) and his mouth open in surprise.

And when you notice he’s not next to you anymore, you turn around with a smile on your face as you ask, “Don’t you feel that you know me a little bit better too?”

Yeah, they were glad that you got to see them as they were now, with hopes and dreams and emotions. They don’t dwell on the idea of you meeting them before then – they don’t want to. Because if they thought about it too long, they’d have their answer.

You deserved to be happy and healthy and protected. You, who filled a hole in Shishitoren that they didn’t even know existed.

And now you were an irreplaceable part of their lives, so precious and so important that they began to understand Bofurin. They had you – someone that they would do anything in their power to protect – to keep safe from harm.

You were Shishitoren’s Princess.

After that, Tomiyama and Togame were stuck to you like glue. Always thinking about you, always concerned, always wondering where you were.

You’re running late and they haven’t got a text letting them know why? They’re out on the streets, danger flashing in their eyes and prepared for the worst. However, when they see that you’ve been distracted by a stray cat on the road, all they do is let out a laugh and join your side.

They hear you sniffling and see that your eyes are shining with tears? They’re immediately on you, asking who did this to you, with a promise to make them pay for it tenfold. “You can’t really beat up allergies,” you laugh, before sneezing into a tissue. Immediately, the Shishitoren boys are rounded up, their eyes focused and determined – to get you allergy medicine.

You were everything good in the world, bottled up into someone who could make even the rainiest days seem a bit more brighter and the hardest challenges a bit more bearable – and they didn’t want anyone infringing on their happiness.

So when Hayato Suo, from Bofurin, comes across you one fateful day – they’re absolutely livid.

And honestly, you loved them, you did, but the way that they treated you like a delicate little flower sometimes felt a bit too stuffy.

What? Did they think you just patched people up for fun? That you knew how to medically treat someone just short of a nurse because it was your hobby?

You’re too absorbed in your thoughts to realize where the directions on your phone are taking you until you’ve already passed the train crossing border that connects Bofurin’s and Shishitoren’s territory. You’re spit out onto a street that you’ve never seen before, but you shrug it off.

When you find the corner store, you make quick work of your shopping list, even grabbing some items for yourself, before you’re out the door.

It’s when you’ve barely taken a few steps down the street that you feel it – the staring on the back of your head.

While you were in the store, you’d felt their eyes on you, but you’d ignored it, hoping that it was just a fleeting moment of curiosity. Now, you see that it was the eyes of a predator stalking their prey.

You pause, before quickly taking out your phone and sending a quick text to Togame and Tomiyama – they just need one small clue and they can fill in the rest – so you send your location.

And when you finally turn to face your stalker, you snap a photo of their face. For insurance, you assure yourself. Just in case.

He’s taller than you, with a smirk on his face and his hands in his pockets. You feel uneasy at his presence, and you look up and down the street to see that no one’s around.

Damnit damnit damnit.

“You’re really pretty, totally my type. Could I get your contact information?” he’s asking, but the tone that he’s saying it in doesn’t leave any room for objection.

“No,” you reply, simple and straight to the point. Then, you stay standing there, and you wait.

“Never turn your back on an enemy.”

Togame had said this briefly, once, while the both of you were watching everyone spar.

When the man takes a step forward, you take one back, maintaining the distance between you and him.

“Oh come on – it’s just your number. Don’t make this such a big deal.”

He’s holding himself back and you can see it. You can see the way his hands are twitching by his sides now and the way his breathing is starting to speed up.

“Always keep an eye on your opponent~! You wouldn’t wanna miss anything!”

Tomiyama’s words run through your mind next, and you will yourself to maintain your facade.

You’re starting to get just the slightest bit worried now, though. It really shouldn’t be too much longer, you think. Any minute now.

But a minute passes by, Togame and Choji aren’t here, and the guy’s got his hand wrapped around your wrist so tightly that it’s starting to throb.

“Please – leave me alone!” you yell out, but it’s going through one ear and out the other. He’s smiling down, dark and sinister, and it’s then that you remember something so crucial that you can’t believe you forgot it.

“Kick them, um, down there. It’ll hurt, a lot. But that’s a last resort type of move, alright princess?”

Those self-defense lessons are paying off, Togame.

You make a mental note to thank him when he gets here.

You kick the man, hard, and when he releases your arm you step back as fast as you can, but –

The plastic bag you had once held in your hand, now filled with the sloshing liquid and the broken glass of Togame’s Ramune bottle, causes you to slip.

Your hands shoot out and you close your eyes in anticipation of the fall that never comes because strong, warm arms are holding you up.

You let out a sigh of relief – finally. You’re brought to stand, but before those hands can leave your body, you’re swiftly grabbing them to wrap around your waist and leaning your head on their chest.

“Geez, took you guys long enough –”

The sight of a black jacket cuts you off. Black, with green embroidery.

You quickly push yourself off, eyes wide and cheeks red because you had just initiated a very intimate hug with someone who was a complete stranger.

“I-I’m so sorry! Oh my gosh – I thought you were someone else!” you blurt out, hands covering your mouth – and he looks as caught off guard as you are.

His eye is wide, mouth open just the tiniest bit, and – he’s cute.

“Wow, I don’t get thanked like that too often,” he smiles, and you’re mortified at his playful reaction.

“I –,” You open your mouth to apologize again, but he’s got a hand on your shoulder, quickly cutting you off.

You look up at him, and the smile’s still there, but it’s different now – it’s frightening.

“Would you mind stepping to the side for me? It seems some people just don’t know when to quit.”

You hear shuffling behind you, and you’re quickly brought back to the situation at hand. Nodding, you get out of his way, and it’s as soon as you step past him that you hear a sickening thud and a groan of pain.

When you turn, you’re relieved to see that the man who’d been harassing you is on the ground, and if you were to guess, probably out cold.

“Wow… You made quick work of him,” you don’t try to hide the awe in your voice and Suo finds it both endearing and concerning that you’re praising him.

Concerning mainly because, well, you don’t seem to be the type to leisurely enjoy street fights.

And now you’re right in front of him, inspecting his face and body to make sure there aren’t any cuts that need to be treated or any injuries that need tending.

It’s second nature at this point — ingrained in your body and soul.

Cute, he thinks, very cute that she thinks he touched me.

“Do you see anything wrong, love?” he jests, enjoying the way you’re so diligently scanning him from head to toe.

“No, I don’t think—”

You are, once again, mortified by his teasing. No one at Shishitoren spoke to you like this, and sure they called you Princess, but to you, it held the same value as sister or friend.

“S-sorry, force of habit… ah, thank you for saving me! I sent my friends a message but —”

You’re cut off by the sounds of two distinct voices yelling "Princess", and Suo’s quick to prepare himself for another fight.

However, when he sees Togame and Tomiyama run around the corner with panic in their eyes and desperation in their voices, he’s just confused.

And when they spot the two of you, with an unconscious body on the ground, it gets even more confusing. Because why are they walking over here and why do they have scowls on their face and —

“Princess, what were you thinking?”

Tomiyama and Togame are all over you, Togame’s hand gently grasping your chin to move your face from side to side, and Tomiyama’s got his hand on your wrist, softly thumbing at the bruised skin.

“I’m okay, I’m okay.”

Suo’s observing all of this, and he’s trying to rack his brain for any information about you. God, he really wished Nirei was here right now.

He’s never heard that name before or seen your face, so this must be a recent development. But with the way they’re fretting over you, you’d think that you’d all been childhood friends or something because the way that they’re worrying over you is definitely not normal.

You try to push their hands away from you, embarrassed that you have an audience, but they don’t let up so all you’re able to do is grumble and huff as they inspect you from head to toe.

“... He hurt you,” Tomiyama whispers, and you grab his wrist before he starts stalking toward the body on the floor.

“It’s okay um – oh, I don’t know your name, but he helped me out! Everything’s fine – really! Please, let’s calm down,” you plead, and all it takes is one look at your anxious face for the both of them to ease up.

Now, Suo really wants to understand.

“Suo … thanks for protecting her. This idiot didn’t tell us she was crossing over into your territory. It’s our fault, sorry,” Togame explains, one hand scratching the back of his neck and the other draped over your shoulders.

Suo takes a moment to respond. Who would he be, after all, if not an instigator?

Because — who were you? You – who could turn the Shishitoren leader and his second in command into mere puppies with your sweet voice. You — who had them running like their lives depended on it.

“Ah, I’d save a sweet girl like her any day,” Suo says, testing the waters, and he gets the exact reaction he was hoping for.

Togame and Tomiyama stiffen up beside you, as you gasp in surprise at his words.

And suddenly, there’s a shift in the air – and it’s deadly.

You sense it, of course, because who wouldn’t be able to feel the heightened electricity and the low hum of buzzing coming from Togame’s and Tomiyama’s chests?

And you, ever the de-escalating expert, quickly blurt out, “Ah, wait! I need to go back to the store! Give me like 5 minutes!”

Before they can get a “no” out, you’re already out of their grasp and beelining it for the convenience store.

It’s silent for a moment, with just Suo, Tomiyama, and Togame looking at one another.

Finally, Togame breaks the silence.

“Look, Sakura’s a friend –”

“And Ume-chan too!” Tomiyama chimes in.

“ – and I hope we’re not stepping on your toes here but don’t get any ideas.”

Suo knows he should stop. He should probably apologize, and let them know it’s not what they think. That they’ve got it all wrong. But … he really can’t help it – not with the way that they’re hissing at him like cats. It’s adorable – and you’re adorable.

He was never really good with holding back his tongue, anyway.

“I think she can make her own decisions, don’t you?”

Togame and Tomiyama do not take kindly to his words, and so it begins – a passive-aggressive verbal war.

“Ha, right. It’s been fun, eye-patch-kun, but we really oughta take her back home. You know, so that we can patch her up,” Togame says, and though there's a smile on his face, Suo understands the underlying message behind his words.

She got hurt in your territory, under your patrol.

Suo smiles back at him.

“Ah, sorry! I wasn’t quick enough to save her, but I’m glad I was able to sort this out before things got out of hand,” Suo replies.

All you guys do is blow things up out of proportion – with violence.

“If we’d been here, she wouldn’t have gotten hurt in the first place.”

“Hm. But you probably would’ve gone overboard.”

“Watch it –”

“Ah, sorry!”

It’s when Tomiyama finally opens his mouth that Suo realizes he’s been uncharacteristically quiet, and when they make eye contact, Suo’s smile deepens – because Tomiyama looked like he was ready to maul Suo into pieces, like a true Lion.

“Ume-chan and Furin are our friends,” he says, eyes darkening with every word, “but she’s our family – I think it’s best if you stand down.”

It’s at that moment that you come racing back towards them, your hands full of goodies and a grin on your face as you exclaim, “I got it! I got it!”

You hand Togame his Ramune, Tomiyama his snack, and … you hand Suo bottled tea.

“Sorry, um, I wasn’t too sure what you liked – but this is my favorite drink! Ah, um, if you don’t like it … Suo … I won’t be hurt. But you strike me as a tea lover so –”

You’re bouncing on the balls of your feet, hands wringing behind your back as you ramble and Suo can’t help the sweet smile and the small laugh that escapes his lips before thanking you.

And as soon as he’s done, you’re being whisked away back to your territory – back to your home.

As you walk through the passing, with Tomiyama’s arm intertwined with yours and Togame’s arm draped over your shoulders, you briefly turn around, just to catch one more glance of Suo.

He’s standing there, smiling as he raises his hand to wave at you. You smile back at him with a glossy look in your eyes before Togame softly flicks your forehead.

Your attention is on Togame now, pouty and dejected, before turning your head indignantly as you begin to lecture him about how you’re supposed to thank someone when they help you, and that it’s the nice thing to do.

In the heat of your lecture, you miss the way that Tomiyama and Togame also turn back to look at Suo.

In the darkness of the tunnel, Suo swears he can see their eyes glinting, and his smile only deepens.

Their eyes, daring and territorial, only say one thing.

Ours. Ours. Ours.

He had to admit, he wasn’t expecting this turn of events but he was intrigued now.

And, it’s only after the three of you disappear that he realizes he never learned your name – your real name.

So, when he volunteers to take over the patrol where the Furin territory ends and the Shishitoren territory starts, who can blame him?

What Suo doesn’t know, though, is that after this little incident, you’re permanently banned from walking alone ever again.

(Of course, you’re not actually banned. But, you are given a scolding afterward – which, in your eyes, is rich coming from Togame and Tomiyama, but sure, whatever.)

🫧𓇼𓏲*ੈ✩‧₊˚🎐

The next time Suo sees you, it’s when he least expects it.

You’re in Bofurin territory, with a small first-aid kit on your lap as you tend to the child in front of you. You’re smiling at the sniffling little boy as you wrap some gauze around his ankle, your fingers adept and swift, as if you’d done this countless times before.

“See? That wasn’t so bad, was it? You’re so strong!”

You ask him how it feels, and the little boy beams up at you, the tears in his eyes long gone and instead replaced with immense gratitude.

You smile down at him, playfully scolding him to be more careful as you pat his head softly.

And then Suo sees you hand him a lollipop — a lollipop — and it’s the cutest thing he’s ever seen.

So, really, can you blame him for sneaking up behind you and whispering into your ear?

“What brings you to Bofurin territory, princess?”

You yelp in surprise, before turning around so fast that Suo worries if you gave yourself whiplash.

Once your blush has gone down and the surprise of seeing him wears off, you explain that you’re here to get some bread for Tomiyama from the Cactus bakery.

He’d been saying that he wanted fresh bread, but there weren’t any in Shishitoren that you knew of. And as soon as he mentioned the Cactus’s Anpan over on Bofurin's side of the tunnel, well, who could blame you for taking that opportunity to not only do something for him but also for yourself?

Which, of course, was to hopefully run into Suo.

“He sent you all the way over here to pick up bread for him?”

“Hm? No, of course not. This is a surprise for him!”

“I see – I was wondering why you didn’t have your guard dogs around…”

“My guard dogs?”

“Oh!” you laugh and Suo thinks it’s the most pleasant sound he’s heard in his life.

“You mean Tomiyama and Togame? No, they don’t know I’m here. It wouldn’t really be a surprise if they knew, right?”

Suo’s starting to see it now – why they care for you so much. But he wants to know more, so he asks about the kid you were tending to.

“Ah — I saw him playing with some kids and he took a nasty fall. I didn’t think it was right to let him go home without care, so I patched him up. I hope that’s okay?”

Suo finds that he really likes talking to you. He likes how expressive you are, how kind you are, and how thoughtful you are. And he finally learns your name. He likes that about you too – it’s cute.

So, naturally, he offers to escort you to Cactus – purely just to keep an eye on you, he convinces himself.

And when he escorts you back to the border, all your goodies in one hand and his arm in the other, well –

He doesn’t care enough to find justification for his actions. He just really liked you – plain and simple.

When you let go of his arm, he’s already grieving the feeling of your body pressed to his side.

You were warm, soft, and he’s sure that if he ever got the chance to taste your lips, sweet.

“Let’s exchange contact information! That way, you can be my guard dog when I’m here,” you say as you pull out your phone, and Suo’s so so glad that he ran into you today.

When he adds your contact to his phone, he puts you down as Princess.

When you add his contact to yours, you put him down as Guard Dog.

🫧𓇼𓏲*ੈ✩‧₊˚🎐

After that, you and Suo try to meet up. But… well…

You don’t see the point in trying to hide it. You were, after all, your own person. You could think for yourself, make decisions for yourself, and speak up for yourself. You were so open to loving and the Shishitoren boys knew this – so why should you hide it?

And when you had something on your mind, you were determined to make it happen. So, you don’t see why it would be any different with Suo. You had met him twice now, and you wanted to keep seeing him. To keep talking to him. To maybe even date him.

But to Shishitoren, this was equivalent to losing you – and they could never let that happen.

So Shishitoren never lets you see him – and it’s not like they’re barricading you inside the Ori or blocking the entrance to the border (though, they’ll admit that the thoughts crossed their mind in one way or the other).

No. They do it in a way that they know will make you stay with them – by acting like big babies.

The first to fall was Arima –

You’re about to leave to meet up with Suo when Arima runs into the Ori, cries of pain leaving his lips as he whines at how much it hurts. You drop your bag immediately, texting Suo a panicked text about how something came up and that you’re sorry but you’ve gotta cancel today.

You have Arima sit down, all your supplies laid out next to you as you ask him what happened and –

It’s a paper cut.

But he’s babbling about how deep it is and how much it stings and it takes forever to just disinfect it and wrap a bandage around it before you realize that half the day’s just flew by for a minor injury.

Second was Kanuma – when he got a bad haircut.

Third was Sako – when he suddenly, out of nowhere, began asking you for advice about how you would approach someone who you used to look up to but lost respect for, who you vowed to fight and win against, only to lose against them and have them apologize to you (you, obviously, struggled with what advice you could even give him).

Fourth was Tomiyama – when he lost his favorite pair of sneakers.

Fifth was Togame – when he lost an eating challenge for the first time.

“It’s for the good of Shishitoren,” they say as they prepare the next victim.

Eventually, you find yourself tending to almost all of Shishitoren’s wounds, whether physical or emotional, and you just can’t believe that they’re fighting against you and Suo so hard.

But, in between all of that, you and Suo still manage to sneak in hushed phone calls and sweet texts.

Always asking about how the other’s doing, always talking about how your day went. He looks forward to it, he realizes, laying in bed as he hears you start to slur the ends of your words, drifting off into sleep.

And you send him photos all the time – it could be of a cat you came across while on the way to the Ori, or a drink that you tried that you liked – and with each text, with each phone call, Suo finds himself becoming smitten with you.

You, who would remind him to drink water and to at least eat something small to get through the day. You, who had perfect memory and would follow up with the things that he’d talked about days ago, just because you were interested and curious (he’d mentioned that there was a tea spot that he frequented in Makochi, and it only took a day or two later for you to bring it up again, this time with all sorts of questions and comments like “I looked at what they serve! Which one’s your favorite?” and “I’d love to go there with you sometime, Suo – if I ever get the chance”. He’d only said the name of this tea shop once, but you remembered).

And sweet, kind, loving you – who seemed to know whenever he had a particularly tough day. You were so attentive to him, which was surprising because all your interactions were never in person, but it seemed that you could understand his mood just based on the extra second it took for him to answer the phone or the way he responded to your text. And the thing was that Suo was great at masking his emotions – an expert, even. But you, who could just sense these things about other people, were giving him the chance to open up if he so chose to. You never pressed, never battered him for an answer. Just a simple – “I feel like there’s something on your mind, but if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s okay! Just know that if you ever need a shoulder to lean on, I’ll be there for you Suo.”

And, above all, you never stop trying. You never stop trying to escape the clutches of Shishitoren to see him – though you apologize every time your plans get thwarted as if you both weren’t expecting the same outcome.

But Suo doesn’t see you again, for months – not until a huge fight breaks out, and you’re honestly the last one he expects to see rushing onto the aftermath of the battlefield with a backpack filled to the brim with medical supplies and a determined look on your face.

They didn’t know Shishitoren was going to get involved and fight alongside them, didn’t know that the aftermath was going to be this bad. But if Suo had known that you’d be running to meet everyone afterwards, well –

🫧𓇼𓏲*ੈ✩‧₊˚🎐

He sees you a mile away, and he’s so relieved that you’re not hurt. That you’re up and moving. That you’re here. But he’s also surprised and caught off guard because – why were you here?

It’s then that he sees your bag, sees the way that you’ve got your hair up and out of your face, and the way that you’re scanning everyone up and down so fast that your eyes never stop moving.

My little nurse, Suo thinks, rushing to the injured like the sweet princess she is.

Little did you know that as he was fighting, there were only 3 things revolving through his mind – Bofurin, Makochi, and you. He fought to protect those 3 things that were so very dear to his heart, and to be greeted with the sight of you after winning? Well, it couldn’t be anything less but a sign of his hard work. A reward, if you will.

He sees you run up to Umemiya, serious and purposeful, as you open your mouth and wait for a response. Umemiya, though very confused, gives you an answer that you seem satisfied with because you nod, then thank him, and now you’re running towards Suo, and you make eye contact, and he can’t wait for you to dote after him and take care of him and –

You smile at him, scan his body, nod – and walk right past him. You never stopped for him, actually. You just kept moving. Just kept walking.

And Suo just watches – he watches as you make your way over to where Shishitoren is laid out, watches as they all let out a sigh of relief when they see you safe and unharmed, watches as they start talking animatedly to you as you start setting up for aid.

And you’re standing there with a pained look in your eyes as you nod at their words halfheartedly, more focused on the injuries that they’re sporting on their bodies than the words coming out of their mouths. You’re going from person to person as fast as you can, and although Suo can’t hear you, he can read your lips as you tell every single person – “I’m here now. It’s okay. Thank you for fighting. I’ll take care of you.”

He watches as you get to Tomiyama and Togame, and sees the way your eyes start to water as they pat your head and tell you that they’re fine – even though you have eyes, you can see how hard they’ve fought. Instead, they’re fondly thanking you for coming all this way just to take care of them.

And suddenly, everything got a bit too real for Suo. A bit too scary.

Because he didn’t realize how hard he’d fallen for you, in between those two fateful meetings, the constant late-night phone calls, and the never-ending texts.

It hits Suo like a train. He wanted to be the one that you search for in the crowd. He wanted to be the one that you’re fussing over. He wanted you to patch him up. He wanted you.

He was in love with you.

And he shuts down – completely.

He goes silent, uncharacteristically so, to the point that Sakura and Nirei are starting to get worried.

“What’s wrong, Suo-san?”

“Suo, what’s the matter with you?”

It goes through one ear and out the other – no response, no indication that he’s even present at the moment.

It’s when you’re patching up the last member of Shishitoren that you feel the heat of an eye on you – and your body reacts before your mind can.

Suo’s name is the only thing running through your mind as you finish up as fast as you can – and you’re off.

You’re making your way to where all of Bofurin is sitting, just barely slipping out of the grasps of the Shishitoren boys.

It’s Togame, with his long limbs, who reaches out and puts a hand on your shoulder and it’s Tomiyama, with his fast reflexes, who has your hand in his.

“Princess, no–”

“Let me find Suo.”

“But you don’t even –”

“Choji, Jo – let me go.”

They hesitate. You’d never spoken to them like this before. Never used their first names before. Never been so cold before.

But they weren’t fools. Even if you tried to hide it, they’d seen the way you sneaked off to talk to him or the way you thought you were hiding your phone when you were responding to him. Anytime they’d bring something up that had even an inkling to do with Suo, you were excitedly adding in your input – all while stumbling over your words as you tried to be mysterious.

(They’d done a test, actually. All they did was bring up the word tea and you were fighting for your life as you kept accidentally saying Suo’s name when talking about your friend.

“Ah, Su– AH, I mean, my friend really likes this type of tea.”

“Oh! That’s S– my friend's favorite place in Makochi!”

They didn’t have the heart to tell you because, well – you really sucked at lying.)

And they realize, with heavy hearts, that you were never theirs to lock up in the Ori. You were so kind, so lovable, so sweet, because that’s just who you are as a person.

You were protected, sure, and healthy, sure, but you weren’t happy.

You, who were the embodiment of everything that Shishitoren was working to protect, had made a choice and they weren’t respecting it the way that you respected them – and they were being, well, selfish.

And when they finally let you go, you sigh in relief. Making your way over to where Suo’s sitting, you yell out over your shoulder, with so much spite, so much anger, and so much love –

“You act like I’m never coming back – stop whining like puppies!”

Togame’s and Tomiyama’s eyes widen in shock before they both laugh lightly at your words in disbelief.

You really knew how to scold them.

“... she’s talking about you.”

“... nah, she’s definitely talking about you.”

🫧𓇼𓏲*ੈ✩‧₊˚🎐

When you made your way over to Suo, you were met with guarded and curious stares from all of Bofurin. Too focused and too determined, you brush it off. You knew about the fight that they had with Shishitoren, sure, but you thought that they had patched everything up? And Shishitoren had fought with them for this big battle, so why the curiosity?

If only you knew the real reason everyone was staring at you.

Instead, you find yourself running past all of them with Suo’s name falling from your lips, and when you see him, he doesn’t respond.

You pause, dejected, before repeating his name.

No response.

Now you’re worried – and scared.

You recognize Sakura and Nirei, based on how Suo had described them briefly, and you immediately begin asking them what happened.

“Sakura, Nirei – is Suo okay? Did he get hurt? Does he need first aid?”

You’re met with silence – and shock.

“H-huh? Do we know you?”

“U-umm – sorry, have we met before?”

You pause at their response, looking at them confused.

You blink once, then twice, then three times – before glancing at Suo.

Unresponsive and unperturbed.

You introduce yourself slowly, giving Sakura and Nirei the chance to remember you – because they must’ve heard your name at least once, right?

They hadn’t.

And now you’re standing there with hundreds of eyes on you, as you come to terms with the fact that maybe … maybe you’d been wrong this whole time.

You clear your throat before timidly asking a question that you fear you already know the answer to.

“Did he um… did he not tell you about me? Uh… about us?”

And suddenly – everything goes to shit.

Shishitoren rises up in arms, walking over to where you are because why did you look so confused and why was Suo ignoring their beloved princess –

All of Bofurin is staring at you with their mouths wide open, processing the words you’ve just said –

Sakura’s spluttering, desperately trying to form words as he continues to just point back and forth from you to Suo with shaky hands –

Nirei’s got his notebook in his hand, flipping through it like a madman because how could he miss something like this, and had Suo ever talked about you? –

Suo’s unresponsive, still –

And then, to top it all off, Kiryu gasps because he’s finally solved it. He’d seen a text on Suo’s phone, so brief and so quick, but he was sure that the person Suo was texting was –

“Oh! You’re the one he’s been texting! You’re Princess!”

At Kiryu’s words, you snap.

And no one, not even Togame and Tomiyama, had ever seen you this angry, this upset, this livid.

You weren’t expecting him to go around screaming your name all over Makochi, but what you did expect was at the very least maybe his friends to know. Was that so absurd? You never tried to hide your feelings for Suo from Shishitoren (They tried so hard to stop it) so why wasn’t it reciprocated? Did he not feel the same way? Had you looked too deep into his actions and created a fantasy in your mind? Did you not really know him as well as you thought?

Or worse – had he been toying with you?

Oh, you were pissed – and poor Suo didn’t have a clue.

You go to stand in front of him, eerily calm and sickeningly sweet as you call his name one more time.

“Hayato Suo.”

Now that – that brings him back to his senses. You watch him blink in succession as he grounds himself, before his eye darts to you, to Furin, to Shishitoren – and he quickly puts the pieces together before letting out a stiff laugh.

“Ah – I was hoping to introduce you properly to everyon–”

“Am I a joke to you, Hayato?”

Suo freezes at your words.

How could you, who had unknowingly wormed your way into his heavily guarded heart, be a joke?

But he realizes now – and he feels, for one of the few times in his life, stupid.

Because you love with your heart on your sleeve, and Suo loves with his heart tucked away.

And really, Suo should’ve known, because you’re you — you who gave Shishitoren something to protect and to hold close to their hearts, safe from danger and harm’s way.

You press on, fighting through the anger and the embarrassment and the fear you feel rising inside of you.

“Tell me Hayato, answer me. Was I? Hm? Did you have fun?”

“No, I –”

“Every call, every text – did that mean nothing to you? Was I just being delusional?”

“Wait I –”

You’re so close to him now, softly jabbing your finger into his chest as your words begin to get more and more shaky.

“Do you feel powerful, Hayato? Making a Shishitoren girl fall in love with you–”

You stop yourself, teary-eyed and vulnerable, and you feel so stupid. Because what hurts more than anything is giving someone all your love, all your time, all your energy – all for it to have been for nothing. You thought he felt the same, truly. But now? All you wanted was to walk away from all of this, walk away from Bofurin, and never ever look back.

He grabs your hand, desperately, as your words sink in. He wants to – no, needs to make sure that he’s not just hearing things. That he’s not just imagining it.

“You … love me?”

You pause, taking the chance to actually look at him. You see hope on his face, and you furrow your eyebrows in response.

“... is this another joke? Of course, I love you, you idiot. You would’ve been the first one I ran to but your leader said you guys were all patched up already so I –”

Everyone’s eyes turn to Umemiya, who shrivels under the attention and wordlessly mouths an “I didn’t know!”

But your eyes are only on Suo’s, and Suo’s is only on yours.

And Suo lets you see him, truly see him, for who he is. He doesn’t shy away from your stare, doesn't put on a mask, doesn’t push his feelings into the box that’s been his safe haven for so many years.

Your eyes flicker with uncertainty and fear, but you convince yourself to try one more time. Just one last time.

“Hayato Suo, I really do love you,” you whisper, so slowly, so hesitantly, so scared.

Then, with everyone’s eyes on the both of you, Suo slides one hand to the small of your back, and the other to cradle your face.

He wanted to learn how to love with his heart on his sleeve – just like you.

“… again.”

“… I lov—”

His lips cut you off, and honestly, you’re not even mad. Not when he’s pulling you flush to his body, his hand slipping to the back of your neck, and your fingers grasping at the collar of his jacket.

Black, with green embroidery.

“I love you, too – but I’m afraid there’s too many eyes here for me to show you how deeply I feel for you, Princess – I hope you’ll forgive me.”

Dazed, all you can manage is a soft nod and a flutter of your eyelashes before pulling his lips back to yours.

Suo smiles into the kiss. He was right, you were as sweet as he thought you’d be.

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neminemm · 2 months ago

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Chuuya in the stage plays...

Why is he the most beautiful human I've ever seen?!

(I love the stage plays sm, they're so creative and well done)

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neminemm · 2 months ago

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um anyways

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neminemm · 4 months ago

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bsd wan 192: dazai, chuuya, age fourteen – if i had the power

translation by me | don't repost outside tumblr! | << 185

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neminemm · 4 months ago

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Soukoku..

#fanart #anime art #bungo stray dogs x reader #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs fanart #bungo stray dogs dazai #bungo stray dogs chuuya #chuuya nakahara #dazai x chuuya #bsd chuuya #chuuya #bsd dazai #dazai osamu #bungou stray dogs dazai #digital drawing #digital illustration #digital art

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neminemm · 4 months ago

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ᡣ𐭩 IF WE WERE YOUNG AGAIN

FEATURING: osamu dazai

SUMMARY: your day was a mess from start to finish, and you knew it would only go further downhill when dazai inevitably called you up to his office once you got back to headquarters. still, you never could've imagined just how badly it would take a turn for the worse.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: AHAHAHAHAHA GUYSSSSS ARE U READY ARE U READYYYYYYYYY BEAST AU PMREADER AT LAST!!!!!!!! anyway there's not much to say yet, i shall be saying my thank yous and my full piece at the end of the last part, so ENJOY! this first part is a doozy dafuhsdiufh sorry the summary sucks i couldnt think of one and just wanted to get this out for u guys. be gentle on our girl reader, she's going through it. reblogs appreciated!

GENERAL WARNINGS: fem!reader, port mafia executive!reader, beast!dazai, tragedy, angst, canon compliant.

CHAPTER SPECIFIC WARNINGS: dazai is quite cruel in this first part (with reason of course but it still might be hard to read). alcohol & drug usage. unprotected sex. finger sucking. a bit of implied/explicit misogny & slut shaming.

SEE: TWO SLOW DANCERS SERIES MASTERLIST

Dazai Osamu is dead—that’s what everyone tells you, at least.

Chuuya is convinced he died somewhere between his fifteenth and sixteenth birthday, months before you ever met either of them. He tells you that if you’d seen the way he acted when he and Chuuya first met—if you’d seen how bright his eyes got whenever he insulted Chuuya and goaded him into stupid challenges, if you’d seen the way he was so careless with his life and how he’d laugh gleefully when Mori panicked trying to keep him alive, if you’d seen him compared to how he acted afterward, you would know that something happened in those months that killed the boy that once went by that name. Chuuya is vehement in his belief that Dazai has been long dead, and the thing that lives on the top floor of the Mafia’s main headquarters is only a husk that wears his ex-partner’s face.

The Flags agree with him—they never knew Dazai well, but they knew of him enough to know that something had seriously changed in those few months. You’d never been convinced of it, though. You didn’t know Dazai before his ‘death’ date, but you know that he wasn’t dead when you met him.

He was always odd; you could always tell that something heavy was hanging over him. There was an air of gloom and despair that clung to him like a second skin, and it made people keep him at arm’s length. Sometimes, when he thought no one was looking, he’d get a faraway look in his eyes like he was lost in some other world, and sometimes he became cold and standoffish for no reason at all. It would happen so suddenly that it would give you whiplash, and you never knew what triggered it. Still, you could see the way his fingers trembled with guilt after.

He was odd, but he was alive. You fought Chuuya tooth and nail about it for two years; he always tried to get you to distance yourself from Dazai, warning you that something was wrong with him, that he was not right, that something changed him for the worse, and every time would end with you slapping him and the two of you not speaking for days. Dazai was alive—it was so abundantly clear to you in every interaction with him. His eye shone brightly whenever you walked into the room. You could hear and feel his heart racing when the two of you were curled up on the couch or in bed. His cheeks would flush a pretty red whenever you teased him, his breath would catch when your lips brushed his—he was alive, and there was no one you wouldn’t fight about it.

Your partner, Itou, didn’t know Dazai before his speculated ‘death’ date either, but he too was skeptical of how adamant Chuuya and the Flags were about it because all he saw was the way he acted with you. It made you feel validated, you would vent to him about it whenever you and Chuuya got into fights because you didn’t want to tell Dazai what Chuuya was saying about him, although you had a feeling he already knew.

Then he hopped on the bandwagon two months before Dazai took over as Port Mafia boss. You don’t quite know what happened between the two of them—Itou and Dazai were never friends. Dazai was always cold to the older boy, and Itou always kept a distance from him, but they were cordial for the most part. Something changed at eighteen when Dazai picked up a mission that was supposed to be yours. He went with your subordinates up to Kyoto to handle Ihara Saikaku, who was undoing all the work you’d done up there before you came to Yokohama. When they got back, Itou could never look at him the same. He wasn’t quite as loud and adamant about Dazai as Chuuya and the Flags were, but you could tell that he wasn’t fully on your side anymore when you vented to him.

So you were alone in your defense of Dazai. Alone, and for a long time, you never wavered—Dazai was odd, but he was indubitably alive, and he was indubitably human. You fought Chuuya on it, you fought Itou on it, but eventually, you had to fight yourself on it, too.

Your throat swells as you look at the small metal trinket resting in your hands. It’s ugly, haphazardly made—a bunch of wires twisted into an indecipherable shape. It’s only because you remember the offended expression that crossed Dazai’s face when he saw the confusion on yours after handing it to you as a gift when you guys were sixteen that you know it’s supposed to be a crab, and he has his own to match. Had his own to match. Chuuya had one, too, but he destroyed it right before your eyes during one particularly bad fight three years ago.

Dazai had made them after watching a movie with you and Chuuya before their shaky friendship fell apart entirely toward the end of the Dragon’s Head Conflict. You’re not really sure what pushed him to make them, but Chuuya immediately called them ugly and said that he didn’t want a stupid crab, and Dazai promptly threw it in his face. The two of them started brawling on the ground for almost an hour, but even after they fell out, you know Chuuya took careful care of the stupid crab—it brought you solace for a time because you knew it meant that a part of Chuuya, however small, still clung to his old friendship with Dazai even if they weren’t on good terms anymore.

Until he used his ability to ensure that there wasn’t even dust left when he destroyed it, that is.

“You already finished up with Mishima? I thought you weren’t supposed to be back until tomorrow.”

You lift your gaze from the crab, eyes falling on Chuuya as he leans against the frame of the door to your office. There’s an odd expression on his face, and you realize that he’s not looking at you but instead at the object in your hands, trying to figure out what it is. As casually as you can, you lean back in your seat and bring your hands into your lap, giving him a wry smile.

“Dealing with Mishima never takes more than a couple of hours,” you say, quietly dropping the trinket in your desk drawer before sliding it shut. “I figured you’d be busy with the new recruits today. I heard they were incompetent.”

“Don’t get me started,” he replies dryly, pushing himself off the doorframe to make his way over to you. He sits on your desk and you give him a withering look when he carelessly moves the documents you’d been reading. “I left Iceman to deal with it.”

“How considerate.”

“Always,” he agrees with a sharp smile. He leans back on his hands, hair falling in his eyes and hat crooked on his head as he looks down at you, eyes curious—you know him well enough that there’s a question on the tip of his tongue, but it’s likely a question he already knows the answer to and just wants to see what you say.

“We’re meeting at the bar in Hodogaya—you gonna come?”

It’s a casual question, an invite out with friends, so unassuming, but you know what the underlying question is.

Are you going to answer him when he calls for you?

It’s a Thursday night. Dazai usually calls for you on Fridays because you’re not quite as busy trying to get together reports before the weekend—he knows you like to have them done before Friday morning—but you had a mission today, so you know, and Chuuya knows, that he’s going to use it as an excuse to call you up to his office tonight.

There’s a heavy look in his eyes as he stares at you, waiting for a response, and you know what he wants to hear. He wants you to say yes, he wants you to turn your back on Dazai at last and come out with them instead—and you think he has some nerve expecting that of you when he still acts like Dazai’s loyal dog, killing and destroying on his command. This is going to lead to an argument between the two of you, not the first and certainly not the last. Every time you argue about this, he tells you that what he does for Dazai is different, he throws things in your face that you regret ever telling him, and then he’ll apologize when he calms down later.

Then the same fight will happen next week like clockwork.

“Chuuya,” you say quietly, letting out a sigh as you lean back in your chair, looking away. “You know—”

You sit upright when Chuuya suddenly leans forward, using his foot to push the drawer he’s sitting over open to grab what you tossed in there before he entered the room—you hadn’t been subtle enough. Your heart rate spikes, hand darting out to grab his wrist, but Chuuya is stronger than you, and he wrenches his hand away, staring down at the twisted wires with a disgusted expression

“Give it back,” you say tightly, holding your hand out. The air suddenly feels very hot, the room is suffocating. “Chuuya, give it to me.”

He doesn’t.

“You still have this shitty piece of scrap metal,” he spits, hand tightening around it. The Tainted Sorrow responds to his anger in an eerie red glow that emanates around his hand. Usually, Chuuya has impeccable control over his ability, he has to otherwise, destruction will follow him everywhere he goes, but the topic of Dazai is the only thing that manages to rattle the careful control he’s built. The only thing that wakes up the sleeping calamity god inside of him. “Why?”

“None of your business,” you say tightly, rising to your feet. “Give it back, Chuuya.”

“What the fuck are you still holding onto?” he demands, voice raising as he too comes to his feet, holding the trinket tight in his hands as he comes face to face with you. “He’s gone. How many fucking times does it have to be shoved in your face for you to understand? Dazai is gone.”

“Stop it,” you tell him, voice quiet but it wavers in a way you wish it didn’t. You’re not sure if you’re trying to convince yourself or Chuuya when you say, “He’s still there.”

“Dazai is dead,” Chuuya hisses. You can see he’s trying to calm himself down, but the frustration is whittling at his self-control. You used to be able to have conversations about Dazai, discussions about your opposing viewpoints, but now the instant his name is brought up, it’s like guns being drawn on both sides. “He died years ago. Whatever that thing is up in that office, it’s not him. Let him go, for fuck’s sake.”

“Rich,” you say with a laugh that you know grates his nerves. “Then why are you still here, Chuuya? You’re the strongest ability user in the world. No one could stop you if you wanted to leave, but you still answer his every whim like a well-trained dog.”

Chuuya’s expression twists like you’ve physically slapped him. A hurt expression crosses his face, and then something closer to guilt as he looks down at the ground. You know why—you know he partially blames himself for how Dazai changed. He thinks that there’s something he could’ve done differently in those months he knew him before he ‘died’ that could’ve led to a different outcome, and that’s why he stays at his side.

“Because once you’re done holding out hope that he’s still there,” Chuuya says, voice low and threatening in a way that has your hair on end—you’ve only ever heard him take this tone with enemies, “I’m going to fucking kill him.”

“Watch your fucking mouth,” you reply, voice just as low. “He’s still the boss.”

“He’s a walking corpse.”

“Watch your mouth.”

Chuuya suddenly laughs, taking a step away as he shakes his head. His eyes are wild, and you tense, waiting for him to escalate the argument, but you can’t brace yourself for the words that fly from his mouth.

“Always running to his defense, all for him to treat you like a whore,” Chuuya spits, slamming his hands down on your desk. He’s loud enough that you know all of the subordinates wandering the halls can hear. You don’t breathe as you stare at him, words processing slowly. “He calls you up there because he wants to get his fucking dick wet, and you spread your legs for him every time. Where’s your fucking self-respect?”

Your hand shoots out before you can stop yourself, palm stinging painfully as you slap Chuuya so hard that his head snaps to the side. He doesn’t budge for a second, staring at the far wall, a guilty expression crossing his face as if he only just now realized the gravity of his words.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” you say, and you hate that your voice wavers. “Get out of my office.”

Chuuya says your name quietly, regretfully. “I—”

“Get out, Chuuya,” you scream at him, taking one of the books on your desk and throwing it at him hard. He could use his ability to stop it from hitting him, or he could dodge, but he lets it drive hard into his chest, grimacing at the pain. “Get the fuck out.”

He leaves without another word, placing the bundle of twisted wires back down on your desk and only sparing one last glance in your direction before shutting the door quietly behind him. As soon as he’s gone, your hand is flying to your mouth to muffle the ragged breath you take in. Your eyes blur with tears, but you don’t let them roll over your cheeks—you don’t even have the chance to because your phone is buzzing with a message you’ve been expecting since you got back to base.

What timing, you think dryly, desperately trying to calm yourself down.

Dazai: Come up.

———

When you reach the top floor, your heart is in your throat. You don’t meet the eyes of either of the guards in the hall leading to Dazai’s office. You can’t even if you wanted to—as soon as you stepped out of the elevator, they averted their gaze to the ground.

You only come up here once a week—you only see Dazai once a week. You can hardly handle being in that office, it reminds you too much of Mori. It’s been four years, and you still sometimes expect to see him when you walk down this hall and through the double doors at the very end of it. You still haven’t fully processed his death—how could you with no closure? Dazai never even let you say goodbye. He didn’t tell you what was happening and had Mori’s body dumped before you could even race up to the top floor to stop him. By the time you got to the office, the deed was done, and Dazai was sitting at his desk, blood still fresh on his face and Mori’s scarf draped around his shoulders—a spoil of war, a symbol of his conquest.

There was no apology. No explanation. Not even a hint of guilt over what he did—for keeping you in the dark, for not even giving you the chance to cry over your father’s corpse.

He looked at you and said, “You were slower than I expected.”

He let you yell at him, he let you cry, but he never rose from where he was sitting at his desk. He watched impassively as you screamed your throat raw and cried until there were no tears left to shed, and when you sat on the ground heaving, finally starting to calm down, he told you to pull yourself together. That he needed your help reconsolidating power because the weeks directly after the transition would be the most vulnerable to internal and external conflict. That you needed to reach out to Leo Tolstoy and Mishima Yukio to let them know about the power transition and to ensure they were vocal in support of him.

Sometimes, you wonder if Chuuya is right because you don’t understand how Dazai could be so callous. And to you of all people. You can’t reconcile the Dazai of that day to the Dazai you knew for years—the one who lived in your apartment, who failed miserably every time he tried to make dinner, whose fingers trembled when you kissed him the first time.

He adored you for years, he looked at you like you were his whole world—he was cold to everyone else, but never you. From the day he met you when the Dragon’s Head Conflict was raging through Yokohama, he was gentle, overly affectionate, he gave you silly trinkets that reminded him of you, and picked the shittiest movies on Friday nights. He couldn’t sleep unless you were near him—a week before he killed Mori, he was curled up in your bed and complaining when you took too long brushing your teeth. You’d known the night before it happened that something was wrong, but you never could have expected what happened. Not ever. Not from Dazai.

He never explained why he really killed Mori; he blows you off with some shitty excuse about how it was what was best for the Mafia. How Mori knew this was coming. How it was always meant to happen. But you know there’s something he isn’t telling you, and his refusal to do so is as much of a betrayal as the act itself was.

When you reach the tall wood doors leading to his office, you take a moment to collect yourself. You remind yourself that it’s Dazai behind them, that Mori is gone, Elise is gone—you do this every time you come up here, but it’s never enough to rid yourself of the hope that briefly swells in your chest before it’s crushed by the sight of Dazai.

After what feels like an eternity, you finally push the door open and step into the office. The air is cool, brisk compared to the stuffy air of the hallway, and Dazai is standing on the other side of his desk, back facing you, hands clasped behind him. The door slams shut behind you with a deafening thunk, and you stay rooted to the ground in front of it, staring at the back of Dazai’s head.

He turns his head to the side, looking at you from the corner of his eye. For a moment, you almost think that his gaze softens as it lands on you, but it’s wishful thinking. You brace yourself when you see the way the corners of his lips quirk up into a sharp smile, how his eye glitters with a type of amusement that can only be malicious. His hands slide from where they’re resting behind his back to his front, out of view, and he says:

“You were slower than I expected.”

The air whooshes from your lungs—you don’t know what you thought he would say, but it wasn’t that. You try not to let the pain show as you recover from the blow dealt, but you know you failed to stop a grimace from crossing your face with how Dazai’s eye crinkles.

“You’re lucky I came at all,” you finally bite back, hating the way your voice so obviously wavers.

It’s always him, only him, who hurts you like this—he’s the only one with the ability to do this to you. Even Chuuya’s worst doesn’t come close to the damage Dazai can do with a few words. With everyone else, you can fight back, you can match their cruelty, surpass their cruelty, but he leaves you at a loss for words. He always has. He used to tease you with it—he was sweet and flirty, and it left you flustered, but now he’s cruel. He digs his fingers into wounds that he created and twists, violently reopening them so he can watch you bleed, and the worst part is, you don’t know why.

“Is that right?” he drawls, voice low and languid as he finally turns to face you, gaze roving over your body once before settling back on your face. His lips are pale and chapped, cheeks a bit sunken, the bag under his visible eye is almost black—you want to find pleasure in the fact that he’s clearly not doing well, but you can’t. He takes a few steps closer to you, and it takes all of your willpower not to let him back you up against the door. He lifts two fingers to your chin, tilting your face up to him and forcing you to hold his gaze—his fingers are so cold that it makes you shiver. “As always, all bark, no bite—you and I both know you’re too obedient to go against a direct order.”

You slap his hand away hard. His lips curve up into an unsettling smile that doesn’t reach his eye. He takes a step back to put some space between the two of you, hands taking their place behind his back again.

“What do you want?” you ask him after a moment, shaking your head as you look away. You know what he wants—you just don’t know what game he wants to play before he gets it. Especially not right now; he’s been so irritable and unpredictable the past few weeks. Sometimes, he likes playing politics, asking you about missions and how relations are with the Port Mafia’s allies; other times, he likes testing your limits, seeing how cruel he can be until you finally break. It always ends the same way for you—bent over his desk. “Hm?”

Dazai tilts his head to the side, giving you a lazy smile. “So cynical. What makes you think I want something? Maybe I just wanted to see you.”

You know better than to fall for that, lips tightening before you say, “You always want something.”

He leans forward on the balls of his feet, head dipping down, and there’s a playful expression on his face that gives you whiplash. You shift back, and for a brief second you see the Dazai you remember. The Dazai who giggled as he held your phone out of reach and watched you struggle to get it back. The Dazai who teased you into giving him your first kiss when you guys were sixteen. The Dazai who learned the names and stories of all of the constellations in the sky for you.

The Dazai you loved.

The Dazai you desperately want to believe is still here.

“Do you know what tomorrow is?” he asks, visibly excited about whatever it is. But you don’t know what he means, so you don’t know how to answer, and your throat feels clogged with fear.

What is tomorrow?

You’re fumbling, taking too long to answer, you know it, but you want this Dazai, you want him to stay, you want to drag him down to Chuuya and shove it in his face, ‘I told you it’s still him, don’t you see?’, and you want things to go back to how they were. You’re frustrated and panicked trying to come up with an answer for him, and on top of everything, you’re angry at yourself because you don’t know why you still cling so desperately to the boy he used to be after everything he’s done.

His smile starts to fade when you don’t immediately respond, and you blurt out:

“We have a meeting with the Red Chamber tomorrow.”

It’s not the answer he wants—you know it as you say it, but it’s the only thing you can think of.

“Right,” he agrees quietly, smile gone and gaze lowering to the ground. For a moment, he looks disappointed but not surprised, and then he closes off from you again. His eyes empty of excitement, and his expression flattens—the Dazai you loved is gone again just like that. You know you shouldn't feel as gutted as you are, but you are. Not for the first time, you wish that you could rip out that traitorous beating thing in your chest. It would be so much easier if you could hate him. “Come.”

You don’t move immediately, a heaviness settling over you as you watch him pace back over to his desk, lithe fingers flipping through a manila folder lying on top of it. You swallow thickly before making your way over to him. He slides the folder in front of you and shifts so that he’s looking over your shoulder. He’s too close. You can smell the smoke on his breath from the cigarettes he chain-smokes, the whiskey staining his tongue, the familiar metallic scent of blood. Your gaze drags from the folder to the bandages that peek out from under the dark sleeve of his jacket and then up to his face.

He’s already looking at you through his lashes, eye half-lidded. His gaze isn’t empty anymore, it’s heavy, dark. You don’t know what he’s thinking—you used to be able to read him well, but you haven’t been able to in years. You wish you could now more than ever.

“What is this?” you finally ask, voice quiet as you force yourself to look back down at the folder he passed over to you. The file is of an executive of the Red Chamber—an acquaintance of yours who worked to get Cao Xueqin to meet with you and Dazai tomorrow. “Why are you showing me this?”

“This friend of yours—”

“Acquaintance,” you correct with a frown.

“Acquaintance,” he echoes with an empty smile. “I want you to kill him tomorrow.”

What?

You don’t even realize you speak the word that instantly flies through your mind at the order he gives you. You turn to look at him again, and he’s watching you carefully now. You don’t know if this is a real order or if Dazai is just saying something ludicrous to get a reaction out of you. You can never tell with him.

“You heard me,” Dazai replies, dark eye dancing with amusement at your confusion.

“What purpose does that serve, Dazai?” you demand, shaking your head. You want to take a step away from him but his presence is magnetic, a black hole that relentlessly pulls you in. “Baoyu Jia is the closest to an ally that the Port Mafia has inside the Red Chamber. We may as well be shooting ourselves in the foot. You—”

Your words falter when Dazai reaches up with his left hand to grab your chin. He tilts your face up again, but this time, his thumb rests on your lower lip, effectively silencing you. He doesn’t speak for a moment, and you know that it’s a power play—forcing you to look at him, silencing you, and then just holding your gaze, daring you to continue. You want to rip your chin out of his grip and scoff at him.

You don’t.

“Don’t question me,” he finally tells you, voice cold, eye flashing with something indecipherable when he sees the rage that crosses your face, but it fades into disappointment when you don’t say anything.

Did he want you to?

You don’t understand him.

“I don’t do assassinations, Dazai,” you say instead, voice hard. The pads of his fingers are so hot against your skin, and his thumb against your lip feels too heavy. “I handle politics. You know that.”

His grip on your chin tightens just a smidge, there’s a cruel glint in his eye that you don’t like. You brace yourself for whatever he’s about to say, but nothing can prepare you for what he does.

“You slit your own mentor's throat in her sleep,” he says casually, like it wasn’t something you confided in him about when you were at your lowest years ago. “Surely, you can handle an acquaintance.”

You rip your chin from his grip, taking in a sharp breath as you physically step away. You turn your back to him so he doesn’t see the way your throat spasms as you swallow the sudden lump in it, the way your eyes sting with tears at his words. You don’t know what you expect coming up here every time he asks. You don’t know why you still have hope that he’ll treat you the same way he did before he put a knife in your father’s back and draped his red scarf around his shoulders while his corpse was still warm.

You don’t know why you still want him to.

“I hate you,” you breathe out, hating how shaky your voice comes out.

Your breath catches when he takes a step closer to you, chest brushing your back, fingers ghosting your hips. His presence is deceptively warm, considering he has no heart to keep his blood pumping, and you hate the way it makes your hair stand on end. You hate the way he knows because you don’t have to look at him to know that his lips are curved up into an amused smile.

He leans down, breath fanning against the nape of your neck as he whispers, “Then leave.”

You won’t. You don’t. You never do.

One of his hands rests on your hip, fingers deceivingly gentle as he caresses you when his words feel like knives through your back. He lifts the other to graze your jaw, leaning in to brush his lip against where he’d touched before he lets his hand drop back to your side, sliding down your body to join the other on your opposite hip, holding you steady when your knees feel weak.

“Leave,” he tells you softly again. You press your lips together to hold back the moan that nearly tumbles out of your lips when his teeth graze that spot below your ear that makes your knees buckle. Luckily, you have enough control over yourself that your knees don’t give out, but you don’t think you were as successful at muffling the moan as you thought you were because you can feel Dazai’s lips curl up into a smug smirk against your skin. “Go, I won’t stop you.”

You should. You know it even as he resumes the slow, languid kisses down your jaw. You know it when you feel his hands slide from your hips to your upper thighs. You know it when he shifts you forward so that the front of your thighs are flush against his desk, the wood pressing uncomfortably into your skin, and you know how this is going to end. You should leave, you should shove him off of you and go back down to your office, you should give him a hateful look and tell him that the way he touches you makes you sick and you can hardly stand to look at him even if it is a lie just to see if he’s still human enough to be hurt by your words or if he’ll just stare at you with that unnervingly empty gaze that makes you question if Chuuya had been right from the beginning.

But you don’t.

He pauses for a second. His hands go still on your thighs, his lips ghost your pulse point—he’s waiting to see if you’ll leave even though he knows that you won't. You never do. When you don’t move, you hear him take in a sharp breath, and you feel his grip tighten before he slides one hand up your back to fold you over his desk.

Sometimes, you wonder if he wishes you would leave, if he wants you to fight back, if he’s disappointed when you don’t.

You’re still wearing the black slip you wore to meet Mishima and his daughters. You purposely wore it because his daughters have wandering eyes and are prone to letting more information slip when they have something pretty to look at.

“You wore this for them.”

It’s not really a question, but there’s an edge to Dazai’s tone that makes you hold your breath. You turn your head to the side to look at him from the corner of your eye, hoping to catch something on his face, but it’s as blank as ever, entirely unreadable even with you bent over his desk in front of him, hands on your thighs as he slides up your short dress.

“What does it matter?” you ask, voice tight.

You don’t know how you want him to respond, but it’s certainly not with the way he does: “It doesn’t.”

His voice is as cold as it always is when he calls you up to his office for this. He’s never warm, never intimate—it’s always a quick fuck, it’s always over his desk and never in a bed, his fingers are always rough, and he never kisses you, not on the lips. He hasn’t since the two of you were eighteen.

But sometimes you’ll hear his breath hitch when he’s deep inside you, you’ll feel his whole body shudder, fingers digging into you so hard like he’s terrified of letting go, and when you look back, you’ll see Dazai. The Dazai you know, the Dazai you loved, the Dazai you can’t let go of. You see it in his eye when he looks down at you—the adoration and the desperation, the tears that he tries desperately not to let spill over—and in the way his lips part like he wants to say something but can’t bring himself to.

It’s why you keep coming back. It’s why you don’t leave when he tells you to. You cling to the idea that he’s still here like it’s the only thing that keeps you going. A part of you wonders if maybe it is the only thing that still keeps you going because the thought of your Dazai being gone leaves an aching hole in your chest that you don’t think will ever fill.

Sometimes, you wonder if you just imagine it. There’s no hidden intent. There’s no love that he pushes away because he can’t afford the weakness as boss of the Port Mafia; he’s not bringing you up here because he wants to indulge in something he shouldn’t be allowing himself to have. This is just another power play. He just wants to prove that he can have you whenever he wants—that you’re his even after everything he’s done.

You’re just as much of a spoil of war as the scarf around his neck.

He lifts his hand to shift your hair out of the way, and the tips of his fingers brush the nape of your neck. You hear him let out a noise akin to a scoff when he sees the ribbon tied neatly around your throat. There’s a pinprick of satisfaction that flies through you when you get the audible reaction from him.

“You still wear this thing?” He’s careful to keep his voice calm as he asks the question, but you know from the way his fingers are tense against your neck that he’s bothered.

“It was a gift,” you reply quietly, watching him intently. Your cheek presses against the mahogany of his desk. It’s cool against your skin, but you feel like you’re on fire with the fingers of one of his hands digging into your hip and the other resting on your neck. “Why wouldn’t I?”

He leans down a bit more, his chest to your back, weight pressing down on top of you. His hips are flush with your ass, and you can feel him straining against his black slacks. Your lips part in a silent gasp when he presses his lips to the underside of your jaw, trailing slow, wet kisses down your neck.

“You cling to the past too much,” he murmurs against your skin, teeth grazing your pulse point before he bites down far more gently than he usually does. “You need to let go.”

You have a feeling that he’s not just talking about Mori.

“Letting go has never been my strong suit,” you whisper, lashes fluttering shut when he sucks a dark mark into the crook of your neck. Your eyes snap back open when you feel him grab one of the ends of the ribbon, preparing to take it off. You grab his wrist to stop him. “Don’t.”

He pauses, you can feel his sharp gaze trained on the side of your head, but you don’t look at him this time. You don’t want to know what he’s thinking right now—you can tell from his body language that he’s about to make a comment you’re not going to like.

“What a dirty girl you are,” he murmurs, kissing the crook of your neck over the bruise he left on it. It’s deceptively soft, which lets you know whatever he’s about to say is going to twist the knife still lodged in your back. “Letting me fuck you over Mori’s desk while you wear the first gift he gave you… I’m sure he’d be rolling if he knew.”

You physically jerk at his words, head snapping around, a shocked expression on your face, but before you can get out more than a ‘you—’ he uses his foot to knock your legs apart, hand dropping from your hip to slide against the silk material of your panties. You inhale sharply, lips parting in a moan that you can’t catch as Dazai circles his index finger around where your clit is hidden beneath your panties, his lips trail from the crook of your neck to the top of your spine, and he uses his free hand to slide the zipper of your dress down, revealing your bare back to him.

He doesn’t take off the ribbon around your neck.

You almost wish now that he would.

“I hate you,” you say again, but your words catch over another gasp when he starts trailing hot kisses down your spine, fingers pushing your panties to the side so he can slide his fingers between your wet folds. You hate how your body is so quick to react to his touch. “I hate you.”

“So convincing, hime,” he drawls. You choke at the use of the title that Mori gave you as he sinks two fingers inside of you—it’s not his first time saying it, he used to tease you with it all the time four years ago. But it was always a soft teasing, you could see the way the corners of his lips curled up gently and the way his gaze was fond. This is mocking. It’s sharp. It’s the same tone people took when they used the title to insult you, to imply you weren’t worthy of your high-ranking position in the Mafia, that the only reason you had a seat at the table was because of your relationship with Mori. The ribbon around your neck suddenly feels too tight, cutting off the airflow to your lungs. “I can feel your hatred dripping all over my hand.”

“Fuck you,” you spit out, blinking away the tears of frustration that suddenly sting your eyes. Chuuya’s words ring through your head: where’s your fucking self-respect? “Fuck you, Dazai.”

You feel his lips curl up into an unkind smile against your spine. “In due time.”

A part of you wonders if the fleeting sight of the boy you once knew is worth dealing with who he’s become. If the pleasure you feel when he touches you is worth putting up with the cruelty. You enjoy the time you have with him—physically, at least. Dazai knows how to touch you in ways that no one else can compare to; he knows all of the ins and outs of your body and can bring you to the precipice with just a few touches like he’s doing now. You’ve tried seeking out others to warm your bed, but they paled in comparison to the way Dazai makes you feel.

But he knows your mind as well as your body; he knows all of the ways to make you hurt, and he knows how to make it as painful as possible. He reopens a wound slowly with honeyed words and sweet smiles before digging his fingers in and twisting. The hime was intentionally cruel—not just to remind you of Mori, of where you are, of what Dazai did, but also to remind you of who Dazai once was. He was shoving it in your face again, just like Chuuya always says he does—you cling to the past too much, you need to let go.

“I hate you,” you gasp again, but your lashes flutter as he fucks his fingers deep into you, slow and steady—the stretch is pleasant, familiar, dizzying in a way that no one can replicate. He hums against your skin as he drags his tongue back up the length of your spine after he’s left a trail of bruises down it, like he’s marking his territory on you. “I—hah—”

He kisses the nape of your neck at the same time as he presses that spot deep inside you that makes your eyes knockback. You claw at the mahogany of the desk you’re on top of, breath quick and thighs trembling as he leaves you on the edge.

“Things would be so much easier if you did,” he murmurs, and you think you’re not meant to hear it. You try to look back at him, and you catch an oddly resigned expression on his face as he stares down at the marks he left on your spine, the fingers of his free hand tracing them delicately. It’s so out-of-character that it draws you back from the edge, which is what finally pulls him out of whatever trance he was in, something strange crossing his face when he realizes that you caught him staring.

At once, his fingers slip out of your well-stretched hole, and you can’t stop the pitched whine that slips from your lips, breathing heavily as you try to regain your senses after having been brought so close to your high. Your cheek rests back down against the desk, vision a bit blurry as you reel from the loss of his fingers, but you know you won’t have to wait for long because you can hear him undoing his belt, pulling out his cock to use his drenched fingers to stroke his cock before he presses his tip to your entrance.

Your body shudders at the familiar feeling, eyes half-rolled back, just knowing what’s about to happen. You feel him lean over you again, chest to your back, and he lifts his fingers to press the two that were inside of you to your lips. It takes a moment for your gaze to focus on his expectant face, and you’re too out of it to consider turning your head away to be spiteful, lips parting so that he can push his fingers into your mouth, tongue instinctively swirling around them.

Where’s your fucking self-respect?

Again, the question echoes through your mind, but before you have the chance to answer it, Dazai fucks it away as he thrusts forward, hips flush to your ass as he suddenly pushes his cock deep into you. And fuck, if the stretch of his fingers was pleasant, the stretch of his cock is heavenly, the closest to rapture you’ll ever get. The moan of his name that spills out of your lips is garbled and unintelligible around his fingers, and he lets out a breathy noise—a scoff? a moan?—you can’t tell, too focused on the intoxicating feeling of being split open on his cock.

For the first time since you left his office last week, you feel whole, and maybe that’s the reason why you keep coming back. Dazai Osamu has ruined you to the point where you can’t feel whole without him—you need him in you, on you, around you. You want to be consumed by him, you want to consume him. From the day you met him when you were sixteen, you knew it would be him. It was always him, it could only be him. He loved you in a way that you never thought you’d be loved from the moment you met. He had you as early as that night he brought you to the rooftop to tell you the stories of the stars—you were his, and you thought he was yours.

You fell so hard for him, so quickly, it was almost unreal. He understood you in ways nobody else ever did. Sometimes, you swore it felt like he knew you before he ever actually knew you. You’d never felt so seen by someone before, you’d never felt so loved. You spent years alone in Kyoto, and before that, you were following around a man who was hyper-focused on your ability and your failures. Dazai was the first person who saw you for you. He was the first person to make you feel like your life had meaning beyond just furthering the interests of the Port Mafia for Mori.

And Dazai is observant, sure, but you've seen how he interacts with everyone. You studied it carefully because, at first, you were worried that you were reading into things you shouldn’t be, especially with Chuuya’s warnings about him ringing through your head. But the way he saw everyone else was different from how he’d seen you—he saw them for their weaknesses and their faults, so he could exploit them whenever he pleased, but he saw you. He knew you—he knew little things that he had no reason to know, that he couldn’t exploit: how you took your coffee, that you love thrillers and are bored by comedies, he knew your favorite book, your favorite constellation, your favorite color, he knew everything from trivial details to all of the fears that you could never bring yourself to speak out loud.

That’s why you cling to the past, that’s why you keep coming, that’s why you never leave. You can’t accept that he’s gone, you can’t accept that he sees you now the same way he sees everyone else: as a pawn, as someone to exploit. So even if it means having to endure his cruelty and the whirlwind of emotions that follow every meeting with him, if you can get a glimpse of who he used to be, any shred of proof that the boy you loved, the boy who loved you is still there, it makes it worth it. Because it’s easier to deal with cruel words than it is to deal with the loss of meaning in your life that would follow accepting that he's gone. It wouldn’t just be losing him, you would be losing the only other thing that’s kept you moving, too, because Dazai became the Port Mafia as soon as he took over as boss.

The breath you take in around his fingers is ragged. You don’t know why you’re suddenly thinking of this—maybe it’s because Chuuya’s words are haunting you, demanding to know where your self-respect has gone, maybe you just need to rationalize why you’re so dependent on someone who treats you like this. You don’t realize you’re crying until Dazai’s hips suddenly still, and he pulls his fingers from your mouth to grab your chin, turning your head to force you to look at him.

Something strange crosses his face—pain, guilt—and it’s only then that you realize that your vision is blurry, that your cheeks are wet. His throat bobs as he swallows, and he’s uncharacteristically gentle as he uses his thumb to wipe away your tears. His hand drops from your face, and you lay your head back down on the desk, taking in a shuddered breath when Dazai rests his weight on top of you. He kisses your shoulder blade, and he kisses up to the crook of your neck again before burying his face in it for a moment—it’s almost intimate, it almost feels like an apology, but you know better than to hope for that.

You don’t know how long you lay there with him like that, but you bask in the intimacy he rarely allows you. One of his hands runs up and down your side soothingly, his breath steady against your neck, you can feel his heartbeat against your back.

A reminder that he’s alive, a reminder that Chuuya is wrong.

For a second, your Dazai is back. The Dazai that loved you.

It’s only when your breathing starts to steady and the tears stop rolling over your cheeks that Dazai finally moves, but it’s not to pick up where he stopped. Your lungs are drained of the air within them when you feel him move away from you, when you hear him tuck himself back into his pants, when his fingers brush the small of your back to zip your dress back up. Just like that, you’re left hollow again, a shell, half of a whole without him to complete you.

“Dazai—”

“Get out,” he says, voice cold and sharp. It’s not the same teasing ‘then leave’ he says every time you come in. It causes a pit to form in your gut, uncertainty riddling you as you stand up unsteadily. His back is to you, hands out of sight in front of him as he looks out the window over the skyline of the city, only lit up by various buildings now that night has fallen.

“But—”

“Get out,” he repeats, harsher this time. “That’s an order. Don’t question me. And don’t make me say it again.”

Your throat swells as you stare at the back of his head in disbelief. “I—”

“Now.”

You feel sick to your stomach, straightening out your dress as best as you can, fixing your hair, and making sure your makeup isn’t terribly smeared. You don’t dare to look at him, you think you might cry if you do. So you set your gaze on the far wall as you fix yourself up, not looking back even when you hear him moving.

Once you feel somewhat presentable, you raise your chin and make your way out of his office, only pausing when you get to the double doors to spare a short glance behind you. Dazai is sitting at his desk, face buried in his hands, fingers trembling almost as much as his shoulders are shaking. Your throat swells—you want to say something.

You know better.

You leave his office quietly, making sure to hold yourself together as you walk past his curious guards. You know they must have an idea of what goes down in his office when you’re called up; they’re probably the reason why so many rumors circle around about you sleeping your way into an executive position, but you refuse to let them see you with your head hanging, so you only meet their curious stares with a cold one of your own before taking the elevator back down to your floor.

It doesn’t take long for you to get down to your office, and you inhale as you brace yourself for your subordinates’ attention, but you freeze when the elevator doors open and you’re met with an empty hall. This hall is never empty, and it’s only when you see Chuuya waiting for you at the end of it near your office that you realize he must have cleared them out.

His expression is taut, but his eyes are gentle as they roam over you, and you let out a wet, shaky breath when you realize that he’s here to make sure you aren’t alone even after the argument the two of you had. You take one step toward him, and then another, and then you’re breaking over a sob and rushing toward him a bit faster—he meets you halfway, strong arms circling your waist as you cling to his shoulders.

“It’s not—” You don’t even know what you’re trying to say as you choke over your words. “It’s not simple, Chuuya. I can’t just—you don’t understand—”

“I know,” he murmurs, turning his head to the side to press his lips to your temple. “I’m sorry. Let’s get out of here, yeah?”

“... Yeah.”

———

You’re already wasted by the time you get to the bar with Chuuya. The two of you went to his penthouse to drink away your sorrows before Albatross started spam-texting you, trying to get you to come to the bar with them. Chuuya was planning on ignoring him and spending the night relaxing with you, but you didn’t want them to think something was wrong, so, against better judgment, you ended up making your way to meet them.

They’re already there and several drinks in by the time you and Chuuya arrive. You’re still steady on your feet, but you can feel the wine that the two of you had been drinking getting to your head. You just want a nice night, you want to forget about Dazai, you want to get drunk with your friends, and maybe if you’re feeling especially spiteful, bring someone back to your bed because you know it will get back to Dazai because everything gets back to Dazai.

No, you remind yourself, no more thinking of Dazai tonight. Even in spite.

Unfortunately, your hopes are crushed the moment you approach the private booth where the Flags are drinking.

“Do you hear half of the shit they say about her?” Iceman asks, not realizing that you and Chuuya are approaching. “I beat the shit out of one of my own subordinates who thought it would be okay to say shit about her around me. When the fuck did they start getting so bold?”

“I’m just worried about her,” Lippmann murmurs as he takes a sip of his drink. “You haven’t seen her lately, she’s…”

Great, you think, teeth grinding together as you try to push their words out of your mind. Chuuya squeezes your bicep before his arm drops from around you, clearing his throat and giving Iceman a heavy side-eye. Iceman and Lippmann, to their credit, do go quiet when they realize that you overheard what they said.

You force a smile onto your face as you move forward to take a seat in the booth, knocking your hip against Albatross to force him to move in. Chuuya sits on your other side, squeezing you between the two of them. You reach out to take Albatross’s drink from him, not caring what it is or what it might be laced with knowing the older boy, you just want to fucking forget about Dazai tonight, and if that means consuming Albatross’s questionable choice of liquor, then so be it.

“You guys are so dramatic,” you say. “I’m fine.”

You can tell that they don’t believe you. Lippmann and Iceman exchange a long look with one another, and Doc’s gaze lowers to the table. The corner of your lips waver, throat tight as you look down at the drink in your hands before taking a long swig of it. The plain vodka nearly makes you gag, but there’s an odd sweet aftertaste that leaves you a bit suspicious. Before you can swallow, you feel Albatross toss an arm around your shoulders and drag you into him, causing you to nearly choke over the liquid.

“I knew you’d come out,” Albatross croons, pressing his face hard into the side of your head and nuzzling. He kisses your temple obnoxiously twice before licking your cheek; you slap him away with a scowl. “My favorite girl’d never let me down like that.”

His sunglasses hang off the bridge of his nose, and when you see the way his pupils are the size of nickels, you start to question what exactly is in the drink you just took from him. He seems to know exactly what you’re thinking from the way he tosses a wink at you and leans back against the booth, arm still snug around your shoulder.

“It’ll make you feel good,” he promises with a sharp smile before turning to Doc. “Hey, so about that…”

You tune Albatross out as you turn your attention back to Chuuya, who gives the glass in your hands a reproachful look but otherwise doesn’t say anything else. You give him a pointed stare before you take a sip of it, you don’t have to look at him to know he’s rolling his eyes at you.

You turn your attention to Iceman and say, “You should probably stop going out of your way to defend me. Otherwise, there’s just going to be more rumors about me spreading my legs for the whole upper echelon. They already say I’m sleeping with Chuuya, Albatross, and Piano Man too.”

Piano Man’s expression twists in disgust at your words, immediately taking another sip of his drink, and Albatross quiets down, looking at you from the corner of his eye. Chuuya only gives you a heavy look that you can’t bring yourself to look at him.

“So you just want us to let them talk about you like that?” Iceman asks with a frown, taking a long drag of his cigarette. “They’re tearing your reputation to shreds.”

“It works in my favor,” you reply, although your voice is strained as you say the words, lips pressing together as you look down at your drink. “It makes it easier during negotiations, our enemies aren’t as guarded because they think I wasn’t given my position through merit.”

“Bullshit,” Iceman snaps, the corner of his lips curling into a sneer at your words. You shoot him a flinty look, but he’s unrepentant. “You can sit there trying to convince yourself that to make yourself feel better, but not me. I’m not going to sit and let my subordinates disrespect one of our executives.”

“Rich, considering how you talk about Dazai behind closed doors,” you say lightly, but your fingers are tight around your glass as you take another sip. Dazai’s name feels like ash on your tongue, a heavy feeling settling over your chest as you remember what happened in his office—weren’t you supposed to forget about him for the night?

Always running to his defense, all for him to treat you like a whore.

You think Chuuya is reminded of his words from earlier, too, because you see his throat spasm as he looks down at the table. The moment Dazai’s name is spoken, the tension at the table spikes—sharp and sudden. You’ve never confronted them about their resentment toward their boss. It’s always been an unspoken rule, a line carefully danced around but never crossed. They respect him, acknowledge how he’s elevated the Port Mafia to new heights, but his name still leaves a bitter taste in their mouths—especially when it comes to his treatment of you and Chuuya.

But it’s more than that. It’s not just bitterness and resentment—they don’t understand him. They never did, even before he took over as boss. To them, Dazai is something cold, something wrong, something inhuman. They prescribe to the same belief Chuuya has: Dazai Osamu died seven years ago, and the thing living on the top floor of the building is a husk that wears his face. He doesn’t think like they do, doesn’t feel like they do. When they report casualties from missions, he turns a vacant gaze on them and tells them to leave; you don’t think they ever fully got over how he murdered Mori and how he treated you afterward. He’s a machine—a monster—in the shape of a man, all calculations and sharp edges where warmth should be. They might fear him, might even admire all he’s done for the Port Mafia, but they’ll never trust him, and they’ll never like him.

On nights like this, when you all have a few drinks in you, they get a bit bolder with their opinions—especially Doc and Iceman. You made a mistake bringing him up, you don’t want to argue with them—not tonight, not after you argued with both Chuuya and Dazai already. You’re so tired, you just wanted a nice night out after how shitty the rest of your day had been.

“Oh my,” Piano Man sighs airily.

“Come on, guys,” Albatross complains. “Can we not?”

But Iceman has a temper. The table shakes as his fist drops onto it, he leans over to get closer to you, putting his cigarette out on the ashtray. “It’s because of that bastard that half of the fucking Mafia thinks you’re a walking fleshlight—”

“Jesus Christ, Iceman,” Chuuya spits, interrupting him as he slams his hands against the table and rises to his feet. You don’t react to the comment—it’s nothing you don’t know, nothing you’re not used to hearing in whispers. You finish the glass of vodka, that sweet aftertaste lingering in your mouth. “Watch your goddamn mouth.”

“Come on, man,” Albatross complains again, rubbing his face. “Too far.”

“I’m only repeating what I have to hear,” Iceman says, holding his hands up before he lights another cigarette. You can tell he’s upset because it takes three tries for him to get it lit, fumbling with the lighter. “What I have to hear because of how he fuckin’ treats her, only for her to keep defending him.”

You should be angry, you think, but whatever was in Albatross’s drinks must be working because all you can feel is a dull haze as your fingers thrum against the tabletop.

“I have free will,” you say, voice distant even to your own ears. Doc raises his eyebrows and looks down at the table, not commenting but making his position clear with how he gives you a long look. “I choose to go up there, I let him fuck me. Albatross whores himself out like no tomorrow. He spends every night in a different person’s bed. Why is it an issue when I fuck one guy?”

“Yo, why am I catching strays?”

“Because of the optics of it,” Doc replies, ignoring Albatross as he fiddles with something under the table. “Because of who you are, who he is. Because of how it looks.”

“I know the first thing Kitada-san taught you was the importance of optics,” Lippmann agrees quietly. “He knows, too. He could have anyone he wants, there’s no reason for him to be letting the Mafia drag your name through the mud like this.”

The thought of Dazai with anyone else makes you feel distinctly unsettled to the point where the intoxicated haze starts to abruptly fade away.

“He could easily find a whore to fuck if that’s what he wants,” Iceman adds with a scoff. “He knows what he’s doing to you by making you spread your legs for him, he knows how it looks on you. On both of you.”

And just like that, lines are drawn. Doc, Lippmann, and Iceman are on one side; you, Chuuya, and Albatross on the other. Piano Man remains in the middle, ready to intervene if things escalate. Though you know Chuuya and Albatross agree with the other three, they’ll always take your side in public, and you know the other three are only angry because they’re angry on your behalf, but it makes you sick to your stomach to know that they think… they think what? That Dazai calls you up there, and you have no say in the matter, that you let him on you, in you, because you can’t say no to the boss and not because you want it.

“I don’t give a shit,” you say tightly. “He’s not making me do anything. If I want to fuck Dazai, then I’ll fuck Dazai. If I don’t want to fuck him, I won’t fuck him.”

“Right,” Iceman drawls sarcastically. “You think that piece of shit gives a fuck about what you want?”

The rage hits you suddenly—you don’t know if it’s the alcohol, the stress that’s been weighing on you all day, or whatever Albatross had in his drink, but it makes your vision go red too quickly for you to control. You rise to your feet, the table shaking as your palms hit it hard—you think it must be a combination of the alcohol and whatever was in Albatross’s drink because you don’t even feel the pain you should feel when a piece of glass cuts into your hand.

“What the fuck does that mean?” you demand.

Iceman raises his chin, exhaling a cloud of smoke before he says coolly, “Exactly what it implies.”

“Fuck you,” you reply, eyes stinging with sudden tears as you stare down at Iceman. The older man has the decency to at least look ashamed when he sees your reaction, but he’s unapologetic otherwise. “You don’t know shit about Dazai, and you clearly don’t know shit about me either. This was a mistake.”

You move to leave, but Chuuya is in your way. Glaring down at him, you snap, “Move.”

“You’re drunk and fucked up on whatever Albatross is on,” Chuuya says, disagreeing, but when your face twists in frustration, he lets out a heavy sigh and moves out of the way. “Let me come with you.”

“I just need some air,” you say, voice rougher than you intended as you stumble out of the booth. “I’ll be back.”

Distantly, you hear Albatross spitting something at Iceman, and you can hear the anger dripping from his tone. Albatross never gets angry, and you don’t know why that makes you tear up more. You feel too suffocated in the bar; you can feel too many eyes on you, and you just can’t breathe. You slap away the hand of an attendant who tries to help you when you stumble, pushing the door open and greedily inhaling the cool air of the midsummer night.

You rest your back against the wall of the building, trying not to let the tears in your eyes roll over your cheeks. You don’t know why today has left you so emotional—it’s just like any other day you meet Dazai. You argue with Chuuya, you go to meet Dazai, and then you deal with all of the emotions that the meeting drags up. Maybe it’s just that you’re drained from dealing with the Mishimas all day, or maybe it’s because Chuuya didn’t have to spend hours trying to calm down before he came back to you, or maybe it’s because you don’t know what went so wrong earlier with Dazai.

You still don’t fully understand why you spiraled so much. More than that, you wish you hadn’t left when Dazai had told you to. The way his fingers were trembling, the way his shoulders were shaking—there was no hiding that he was crying, and you think that if maybe you’d stayed, if you tried to press a little harder, you might’ve been able to get some answers out of him at last.

You take in a wet, shuddered breath as you try to get ahold of yourself. You miss Dazai, you miss how things used to be, and you don’t know how much more you can take of whatever this is.

You hear noise from your left, and you think that Chuuya or one of the Flags came out to check on you, but you’re startled by an unfamiliar face staring down at you, expression unreadable.

“Who-”

You yelp when his hand darts out to grab your arm. He tugs you into his chest harshly, and you don’t even have time to scream for Chuuya before there's a rag being placed over your mouth. Your hand claws at his wrist when the familiar sharp scent meets your nose, but it’s to no avail. You find your vision darkening and your knees going out—and the last thing you think of before everything goes black is him.

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