paganvamp

[paganvamp]

[paganvamp]

These is me learning other people have this feeling in real time

thinking about how when you experience a lot of shame in your formative years (indirectly, directly, as abuse or just as an extant part of your environment) it becomes really difficult to be perceived by other people in general. the mere concept of someone watching me do anything, whether it's a totally normal activity or something unfamiliar of embarrassing, whether I'm working in an excel spreadsheet or being horny on main, it just makes my skin crawl and my brain turn to static because I cannot convince myself that it's okay to be seen and experienced. because to exist is to be ashamed and embarrassed of myself, whether I'm failing at something or not, because my instinctive reaction to anyone commenting on ANYTHING I'm doing is to crawl into a hole and die. it's such a bizarre and dehumanizing feeling to just not be able to exist without constantly thinking about how you are being Perceived. ceaseless watcher give me a god damn break.

[paganvamp]

nailed it

[paganvamp]

drinking water is awesome i love #mywater

[paganvamp]

this account using shaggy’s “it wasn’t me” on this post lmao, he really was caught red handed

[paganvamp]

[paganvamp]

[paganvamp]

illegal immigration is swag and epic and i salute everyone who does it. personally i think if you can afford to move somewhere you should be allowed to live there no questions asked. actually even if you cant afford it, it's not like i can afford to live here either. who give a shit.

[paganvamp]

[paganvamp]

that’s a good one

[paganvamp]

[paganvamp]

the memes and posts about this are endless and i can’t shut up about it

[paganvamp]

[paganvamp]

there are a lot of undiagnosed adults out there but i do think it's a shame that we've reached a point where having hobbies and interests past the age of 20 is seen as a touch of the tism. i know many older adults who suppress all their childish desires and throw out all their old toys and for what. are you scared of being 'weird' ? who give a shit.

[paganvamp]

[paganvamp]

Walked into my home, saw Bucky Barnes on my screen, and immediately saluted and said “I take orders very well, Sargent” like a sleeper agent hearing their code word

[paganvamp]